Regarding that first one: I really don't get how remaining childfree is selfish. To me, looking at the world as it is at the moment with climate change and the number of politicians not willing to work towards a solution or even act like nothing is wrong, it seems really selfish to say: I want kids, who cares what kind of future awaits them? To place your own wants above the wellbeing of the children you have seems a lot more selfish. Besides, who can afford kids these days?
I'm 36. Married. Child free by choice. I have heard all that before. The one that's the worst to me is "you'll regret it, you will change your mind and it will be too late". I haven't wanted kids my whole life. My husband doesn't want kids either. If for some reason we turn 80 one day and decide we made a mistake, that's our consequence to deal with. Stop acting like we don't know what's in our own minds and our own hearts. Stop acting like you know what we want better than we do because what we want isn't the norm. Stop making our very personal choice that only effects us your business. It's no one business why we don't want kids. Just stop.
Yep - after 8+ years without so much as a kiss, my Wife said in marriage therapy that she "married me for other reasons", and yet still expects me to provide, care, and give her Wife treatment. We still have 1 child of 5 left in the home and when she is 18 - I believe I will need to actually make the hard decision. She ignored our 22nd Anniversary (not a card or a kiss) - complained about where I took her for dinner, and then now today is my 6-th birthday and she didn't even acknowledge it.. Once we adopted the kids, she simply discarded our relationship and I feel that this is just me being used for her safety and security. I am beyond heartbroken.
It's better to be child-free and regret not having kids (cause it only affects you) rather than have kids and regret having them, cause then the kids get affected too. Lots of parents regret it, but don't say it to not hurt their kids. But it shows in their actions. Enjoy being child-free!!! Have fun! Travel! Spend your money on you!
I'm a child free man (44 years old) but it's not because I have chosen to be so, but simply because that's how life has worked out for me. I accept full responsibility for it and maybe one day I will father a child or children but I have made my peace with the possibility that I never will. Anyway, I neither accept nor shame those who have made a conscientious decision not to have children as long as their choice is just that, their choice and it doesn't affect anyone else. This means that their views of being child-free also do no affect others. The majority of people (as any member of the mammalian group) are here to procreate and leave some sort of legacy of their existence, but there are exceptions to every rule, so to each their own.
Parent of two here to weigh in. Parenting is a choice. Child-free is a choice. Anyone who feels they have to spew their judgement on you is in the wrong.
@@cm-nj when you put it on social media thats exactly what people can and should do. Its opinions and just because someone proclaims something it doesn’t mean everyone has to agree. Thats ridiculous.
You start the video by saying that you are correcting "misconceptions", but then your first and last point just confirm the accusation that you are selfish. Your question "if I don't take care of myself, who will?" is just the slippery slope fallacy. You can be responsible and take care of yourself and also put other's needs before your own. If life is just about having as much fun as you can before you die, then you definitely have a winning argument, but that philosophy has extremely sad and troubling conclusions. I just want to encourage you to consider that you are missing out on the joy of living for something greater than yourself. Children are not always a blessing and can be a huge burden, but I am convinced that the sacrifice they require is actually such a blessing. I think most mothers would take their children over all than all the best vacations and toys. I think it is a risk worth taking. You may not ever have children, but it is not too late to look for meaning in life greater than yourself. You are missing out otherwise.
What if her life already has meaning to her, but she is choosing it not to share it on this video? I mean, her life is hers, she doesn't need to prove or justify herself to anyone. Having kids isn't something to choose lightly, cause it's a responsibility for the rest of your life. So if you like kids, go ahead and birth as many as your body can handle. But don't try to convince others to do it. Cause to me it's just as ugly as trying to convice a loving parent to dump their kids and have a childfree life and fuck the consequences.
There are many ways to experience the richness of life without children. If you need to have children to experience that, isn't that kind of selfish? They are their own person, independent of whether it is a positive or negative experience for you. It feels the same as people saying they are having kids because they want to be taken care of when they are old: no, you chose to have them, they don't own you that.
@@5Demona5 Her life is hers, but she is clearly trying to justify and prove things to people by posting this video. It was formatted as a convincing argument. I just wanted to encourage her to consider that if her life only has meaning to her then she is missing out because living for something bigger than yourself is so much better than focusing only on yourself.
@@henrikejekel2247 i agree that there are many ways to experience the richness of life without children, but the attitude of "I don't want to have children because it will pull my attention away from myself" is not congruent with experiencing life's richness. I believe lt is a huge blessing when we do pull attention away from ourselves to something greater.
My question is: selfish to who? To behave selfishly, you have to put your needs above someone else's. You can't be selfish concerning children that don't exist.
This is a thing people with kids say. They think women only exist for motherhood, and if they don't have kids, then they are being selfish, because this is not what is expected of them. It's a gross expectation, really. My family always wanted kids from me.... until my cousin had hers and started dropping her off constantly for help. After that my family was all "I'm so glad you don't want kids, I'm tired of babysitting for others!"
It’s funny on the other end. I’m disabled and I’ve noticed that when highly disabled people have children people are shocked. It’s like they can’t imagine a disabled person being able to give birth and care for someone else. People often just assume if you are physically disabled or deformed you will be single all your life, they don’t outwardly acknowledge this, they would NEVER, but it’s in their actions and occasionally their words, in fact I think it’s actually internal bias, they may feel and act this way without even knowing it- still annoying. In fact interabled couples where the WOMAN is disabled is very rare, I know of 1 and she’s a public speaker, but there are tons of examples of interabled couples online where the man is disabled. So I guess in a way people’s internal bias is true -sorry I needed to rant Personally I never wanted kids, loooove my nieces and nephews but I don’t want the full time responsibility, taking care of myself is a lot of work. In fact I think it would be selfish to have kids as I myself KNOW I couldn’t care for them they way they should be. That being said it’s not true for every disabled person. kudos to those disabled parents raising amazing children, I applaud you.
So many bitter and unhappy people in comments that can't accept that people can be happy and fulfilled without ever being parents. Happiness doesn't look the same for everyone.
@@CC-rv4zc ya know what I don’t have to do as someone who actually is happy and fulfilled with my life? I don’t have to make and post a video justifying my life choices and try and make people believe I am happy. I just live my life. Its so easy. So simple. I don’t have to justify anything.
@@raycrawfordlp and yet you felt the need to come down and make the comment that you did. Happy people don't feel the need to get in comments and do that, so...
@@CC-rv4zc it definitely wasn’t a “need”. A need implies an imperative task. It came across my feed and I chose to make a comment about someone claiming to be happy when they clearly aren’t. I didn’t post my life choices on social media to get other people to agree with me and affirm me as this sad lady is. I don’t need to.
@@raycrawfordlp how is she "clearly" not happy. Because she's speaking seriously without a fake voice and a big goofy smile on her face? Maybe she didn't "need" to make the video. Maybe she just chose to share her experience because a lot of child free by choice women often get stereotypical and ignorant comments like yours.
I thought very similar to this woman when I was young. Even to the point that I terminated a pregnancy because I didn’t want children. I can only answer for me but: Selfish? Yes. Through repentance I dealt with the shame and guilt I felt from that instead of taking my own life because I was having a hard time forgiving myself. I now have 4 grown children and three grandchildren. I never underestimate the blessings they are and how raising them has changed me. I tried all four times to not get pregnant, and I am so thankful the contraception didn’t work. Was it hard at times? You bet ya! It still is because I am still married to the man that started my family with me. That’s never easy dealing with another on such an intimate level and constant basis. What changed my heart was Scripture. Once I found forgiveness, I wanted to obey, and then I found this right there in the first chapter of the Book: Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Sometimes I wonder if when we make decisions that go directly against God, if we will not be held accountable for trying to be our own god.
Marriage is mutually abusive by its very nature. The only reason to get married would be financial benefits like insurance and tax breaks for joint filing. Giving anyone power over your finances and personal time is a recipe for disaster. Long term cohabitation is better, if barely better. I like having my activity partner, and we do well together. No one will tell me how to hang a shirt "the right way again." The very best marriage is an intrusion on personal space, free time and your individual way of life and thinking. I'm absolutely not hating on women, as this is likely more true for them than it is men. For now I'm in a happy relationship and we have our separate finances and residences. We might move in together after the kids are raised - 3 more years.
So many questions ... but I feel some resistance to the concept of "legitimate reason." Seems like the language of those who want to end no-fault divorce (see Project 2025). Marriage/divorce seems more the province of consent. Consent (and withdrawing consent) needs no reason, legitimate or otherwise.
Does your "consent" extend to men having to fight to see their children and losing everything they worked for because a vindictive ex-wife took them to the cleaners and lied about them to the court? Does the husband get to consent when the wife gets awarded the house he owned and paid for prior to getting married?
@@duncan-xg9sh That does happen sometimes, doesn't it. Scenarios (like this) can usually be mitigated through prenuptial agreements. Unfortunately, only about 10% get one. Sounds like a real sh!t storm, though.
What if she's really good at hiding all those red flags and only showing you all the qualities she sees you looking for? What if you only find out who she really is after you marry her? I'm pretty sure this is far from a rare situation.
If you and your romantic partner can't absolutely crack up laughing together about anything, at any time. under any circumstances you do not have chance.
What nost of us( or many-at least!) refuse ,or fail to understand ,is that there has to be about 95% exact concurrence of desire and attraction to the potential partner for the marriage (or relationship) to be long lasting-or fulfilling! Despite what Mom said, or implied ,-the "other" is not going to ever fully love or desire ther "real " you ! The only thing that grows on the relationship is "fungus"!
Advice for women: is he a judgmental schmuck? Is he an uncaring superficial baby? Does he reek of entitlement and expectations, but only in one direction?
When I met my wife, it was as if she walked right out of my imagination (dreams) and into my life (reality). Forty-eight years later, she still amazes me.
the "monster" (who I kicked out) went on a drinking rampage and is sleeping with random guys in bars - it was the level of insecurity I was dealing with.. I am on a positive trajectory. What you are saying is true in both directions. - well done.
This was sarcasm right? Serious question I might be on the autism spectrum. You cannot change the nature of ALL women, the grass is always greener to them. Loyalty does not exist.
The funny thing is we all found out in kindergarten how we felt about the opposite gender. Unfortunately hormones got in the way and clouded our judgement.
In the spirit of Rodney King's 1992 famous cry for unity "Can't we all just get along! "I want to humbly say this. Men and women need each other. This lady is correct about men being unable to control their emotions. What she fails to see is that many of these men were raised by single mothers. A mom cannot raise kids by herself and do all the things a husband should be doing. My dad was dead beat SOB and left me and my 2 brothers to be raised by my wonderful mother. She did her best but as I grew and compared myself to guys who had fathers I could tell I was lacking. It's all screwed up folks and if we want to continue as a species we better figure this thing out! Stop divorcing each other!
I hope you're right. I can't help but see it as just a list of assumptions that are projected. And without any proof you are eternally guilty. And if you say anything to point out the absurdity, you are obviously guilty. Exactly why I'm not married. I'm blue collar. The women available at my smv are not worth dealing with.
