My question is: selfish to who? To behave selfishly, you have to put your needs above someone else's. You can't be selfish concerning children that don't exist.
This is a thing people with kids say. They think women only exist for motherhood, and if they don't have kids, then they are being selfish, because this is not what is expected of them. It's a gross expectation, really. My family always wanted kids from me.... until my cousin had hers and started dropping her off constantly for help. After that my family was all "I'm so glad you don't want kids, I'm tired of babysitting for others!"
I'm not saying people should have to have children, but to answer your question, it's being selfish to society. In order to function correctly, society needs people to have enough children to keep the population constant over the long term. People who are retired or sick need working age people to look after them and make things they need. If the next generation is smaller than the one before then there aren't enough people to do these things and it becomes more of a burden. Most developed countries have birth rates that are too low to maintain the population. Raising children is a lot of work and expense. It is an important contribution to society to raise good children to keep society going. People who don't have children are not making this contribution so they are being selfish. In the same way that someone who can afford to pay taxes but finds sneaky ways to avoid that is being selfish. They can of course make other contributions to society that may be valuable. I'm not saying people who don't have children don't contribute anything. I'm also not making any statements about gender roles. But if you compared 2 people who do similar jobs and one also has children and the other just spends more money on things for themselves and has more time to indulge their hobbies, then the second one is being more selfish than the first.
@@adrianthoroughgood1191 with all due respect to that position, if society wants people to have the children it feels it's "owed", then it should do a better job making society a viable place to do so. At least as far as the US is concerned, maternity leave, and parental leave in general, is a joke. Not everyone has access to good health care. Wages have been stagnant against the cost of living for decades. Housing costs are out of conctrol. Daycare costs as much as a mortgage or rent in most places. Yet one income still isn't usually enough to sustain a household and offset that cost even if one person were to stay home. The public education system has been deteriorating for years to where many schools are not effective at education or even safe. If someone ignores all of this and has children despite not being able to afford them, they are shamed for needing and taking public assistance. We also lie to people and tell them having children is always wonderful and magical and then shame them if they admit that they're struggling with parenthood and need help. No one owes it to society to go through those struggles. Most people I know who have chosen not to have children have thought through all of this and more. Its not as simple as "I just want to spend my money on frivolous things for myself and have extra time to indulge my hobbies."
Parent of two here to weigh in. Parenting is a choice. Child-free is a choice. Anyone who feels they have to spew their judgement on you is in the wrong.
@@cm-nj when you put it on social media thats exactly what people can and should do. Its opinions and just because someone proclaims something it doesn’t mean everyone has to agree. Thats ridiculous.
It's better to be child-free and regret not having kids (cause it only affects you) rather than have kids and regret having them, cause then the kids get affected too. Lots of parents regret it, but don't say it to not hurt their kids. But it shows in their actions. Enjoy being child-free!!! Have fun! Travel! Spend your money on you!
I'm 36. Married. Child free by choice. I have heard all that before. The one that's the worst to me is "you'll regret it, you will change your mind and it will be too late". I haven't wanted kids my whole life. My husband doesn't want kids either. If for some reason we turn 80 one day and decide we made a mistake, that's our consequence to deal with. Stop acting like we don't know what's in our own minds and our own hearts. Stop acting like you know what we want better than we do because what we want isn't the norm. Stop making our very personal choice that only effects us your business. It's no one business why we don't want kids. Just stop.
I'm a child free man (44 years old) but it's not because I have chosen to be so, but simply because that's how life has worked out for me. I accept full responsibility for it and maybe one day I will father a child or children but I have made my peace with the possibility that I never will. Anyway, I neither accept nor shame those who have made a conscientious decision not to have children as long as their choice is just that, their choice and it doesn't affect anyone else. This means that their views of being child-free also do no affect others. The majority of people (as any member of the mammalian group) are here to procreate and leave some sort of legacy of their existence, but there are exceptions to every rule, so to each their own.
I don't believe how people still think if u don't have a child ur life is empty, so many old people die in homes all alone because there kids didn't come to see them...
Regarding that first one: I really don't get how remaining childfree is selfish. To me, looking at the world as it is at the moment with climate change and the number of politicians not willing to work towards a solution or even act like nothing is wrong, it seems really selfish to say: I want kids, who cares what kind of future awaits them? To place your own wants above the wellbeing of the children you have seems a lot more selfish. Besides, who can afford kids these days?
I live a happy cf life with my partner. There was never a moment, where I thought: well, a child would make this much better. I have a cute niece I adore, but I am more then happy to give her back to mom and dad.
So many bitter and unhappy people in comments that can't accept that people can be happy and fulfilled without ever being parents. Happiness doesn't look the same for everyone.
@@CC-rv4zc ya know what I don’t have to do as someone who actually is happy and fulfilled with my life? I don’t have to make and post a video justifying my life choices and try and make people believe I am happy. I just live my life. Its so easy. So simple. I don’t have to justify anything.
@@raycrawfordlp and yet you felt the need to come down and make the comment that you did. Happy people don't feel the need to get in comments and do that, so...
@@CC-rv4zc it definitely wasn’t a “need”. A need implies an imperative task. It came across my feed and I chose to make a comment about someone claiming to be happy when they clearly aren’t. I didn’t post my life choices on social media to get other people to agree with me and affirm me as this sad lady is. I don’t need to.
@@raycrawfordlp how is she "clearly" not happy. Because she's speaking seriously without a fake voice and a big goofy smile on her face? Maybe she didn't "need" to make the video. Maybe she just chose to share her experience because a lot of child free by choice women often get stereotypical and ignorant comments like yours.
You start the video by saying that you are correcting "misconceptions", but then your first and last point just confirm the accusation that you are selfish. Your question "if I don't take care of myself, who will?" is just the slippery slope fallacy. You can be responsible and take care of yourself and also put other's needs before your own. If life is just about having as much fun as you can before you die, then you definitely have a winning argument, but that philosophy has extremely sad and troubling conclusions. I just want to encourage you to consider that you are missing out on the joy of living for something greater than yourself. Children are not always a blessing and can be a huge burden, but I am convinced that the sacrifice they require is actually such a blessing. I think most mothers would take their children over all than all the best vacations and toys. I think it is a risk worth taking. You may not ever have children, but it is not too late to look for meaning in life greater than yourself. You are missing out otherwise.
What if her life already has meaning to her, but she is choosing it not to share it on this video? I mean, her life is hers, she doesn't need to prove or justify herself to anyone. Having kids isn't something to choose lightly, cause it's a responsibility for the rest of your life. So if you like kids, go ahead and birth as many as your body can handle. But don't try to convince others to do it. Cause to me it's just as ugly as trying to convice a loving parent to dump their kids and have a childfree life and fuck the consequences.
There are many ways to experience the richness of life without children. If you need to have children to experience that, isn't that kind of selfish? They are their own person, independent of whether it is a positive or negative experience for you. It feels the same as people saying they are having kids because they want to be taken care of when they are old: no, you chose to have them, they don't own you that.
@@5Demona5 Her life is hers, but she is clearly trying to justify and prove things to people by posting this video. It was formatted as a convincing argument. I just wanted to encourage her to consider that if her life only has meaning to her then she is missing out because living for something bigger than yourself is so much better than focusing only on yourself.
@@henrikejekel2247 i agree that there are many ways to experience the richness of life without children, but the attitude of "I don't want to have children because it will pull my attention away from myself" is not congruent with experiencing life's richness. I believe lt is a huge blessing when we do pull attention away from ourselves to something greater.
