‘The Narcissist Will Never Hoover Me’ (Fancy a Chat?) 

Imagine being so enmeshed and shameless as to destroy someone's life and then attempt a hoover.

Hoovering in my opinion is an insult. My thinking is how dare someone think they can pick me up and put me down like I'm a thing. Nope! Unacceptable!

I felt like I was left naked in the woods to die.

When you ´finally´ get the strength and to leave. The narcissist blames you for ´destroying´ your live .

I agree. It is eerie how they sense you are healing and pop up at that time. I call it narc whack a mole.

I think i wish to be hoovered to say to him : '' You blew it boy , you blew it. Never again''

Ah, Poula is right, the short answer is hoover comes when you are back on your feet, you start feeling and looking great,etc. Thats THE time for hoover.

My narcissist was a spiritual one. Talking all about being empathic and compassionate for others, pretending to be one too then showing me the horror of a narc devalue and discard.

I was hoovered through a flying monkey 3.5 years after I discarded them.

Narcissists know who is still susceptible and who isn’t Remember the demons that they hosts have supernatural power but don’t be afraid. God is shielding us and in Jesus name we have authority over these unclean spirits

I’m telling you, if you are a very good source of supply, if you are a super empath, the narc isn’t going anywhere, they might triangúlate you with a new supply, but you would have to walk away to end the relationship

I totally agree with narcissist are darkness and it's definitely spiritual. Evil to the core. Run when they discard you and consider yourself lucky.

I have made it extra, extra hard for them to hoover me. I changed my number multiple times. Then i went & got another phone & changed my number multiple times on it as well. I blocked all connections on social media. And then i stopped using social media, except for U.T. I got a pitbull & moved my son in with me & he has a Rottweiler. So the only way to hoover me is if they try to show up at my front door. And it IS NOT looking good for them. Lol

"The measure of the amount of hate and vitriol you received (during the discard) is akin to the measure and amount they valued your supply". This is actually a very profound comment, and one that should make every single person who watches this and is struggling, feel immediately better about the situation and themselves. It may not feel like it, but you made a major impression. Great video Paula.

My ex rang me and told me he didn't want to see me anymore as he had another woman! He was so cold and horrible and told me he i didn't make him happy anymore! He hung up on me and i thought i would die! Roll on couple months later he wanted to be my friend and Fwb! Meanwhile he was still seeing this woman, on dating sites, and wanted me as backup! Thank god i seen sense and blocked him as he loved telling me how happy he was with her and how he wished i could find a nice man and be as happy as him. They really are soulless beings.

I know I was the best “ supply” ever bc I loved the xNarcs occupation which was being a hay farmer. I was driving tractor. Loading the hay. Selling it. I still buy and sell hay today. And maybe someday I’ll have my own fields and equipment and barn , too bad this man was terribly abused in his childhood and turned into a Narcissist.

NarcsCon is my ‘addiction’ of choice . Stumbling on your videos Paula has been so comforting and encouraging … each video gives me renewed strength to carry on … thank you.

The ONLY reason I hope for a Hoover is to take my power back. I want the opportunity to be unresponsive to the Hoover, and make the final move - checkmate!

Another insightful expose , .it's so funny now that THEY thought they would always be in control . Narcs may be boundary pushing cruel bullies ,.. but the Empathic Army are coming , and getting stronger and wiser each day XX

I've had a couple of people tell me how my narc was spotted with a female he picked up at the bar. But of course he is, this isn't something that surprises me. One person said, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say something that might upset you." I replied that I could care less about what he does. I feel sorry for any woman who ever gets mixed up with him. I know what he is and what he'll do to them. He has absolutely zero ability to ever care. He's nothing a manipulate liar and a thief.

Shortly after I walked away I would by “ chance” run into the narcissist he would be at an intersection in town , coming down the road as I am going up or I would pull into a gas station or a bank and there “ it” is. It’s creepy how they know just where you’re going to be. I think it was trying to intimidate me. Didn’t work bc I’m walking with God’s protection. And these demons yield to our command in Jesus name

“ The measure of the amount of hatred you received, is akin to the measure and amount of how much they valued your supply for what ever reason” Thank you for this ❤

Thank you for this video. After 2 months of no contact last night he called 5x in a row from a different #. I blocked that # too and I woke up today feeling stronger. Sometimes the hoover helps you realize that you're not a toy anymore to play with.

NEVER accept the hoover !! I did and it was worse than the first time i was with him !!

After she unblocked me I blocked her it was the only thing to do i cant live a life of constant make ups and break ups 🙏🏼

Hi beautiful Paula I’m watching now. Been watching you all evening actually. I’m getting better. Feeling in control now and not crying so much and I WANT to live now. Thank you Paula . Love from 🇿🇦 South Africa . I was definitely with a full blown narcissist for 7 years and all his ex’s have confirmed he was the same with them. I’m A SURVIVOR

Firstly a narc will NEVER apologize , because they think they are never wrong , however if you were an easy to control source of supply and a great audience to the performance that is their life , they'll be back ! The way mine would do it would be to launch into a monologue of all the things they have done for me , how I have got EVERYTHING wrong , and how wonderful THEY actually are , and quote compliments from others who APPARENTLY think they are wonderful . They would then follow it up with how EVERYONE thinks I have got them completely wrong ,.. so after all that they are really pushing the boat out to allow me the PRIVILEGE of returning to the fold , only if lessons have been firmly learned !!! 😝😂😂😂 SO GRACIOUS and generous of their pompous , self righteous , arrogant self ! NO WAY !!! Failing to accept this generous forgiveness the other alternative is being tossed away into the failure bin 🙄😝😝

I got hoovered a couple of times within the first year of the discard. They were subtle by him coming into my work area. God intervened by removing me from the area when they did but I was told by my co workers (yes we work in the same building🙄). Thankfully I didn’t react. I’m almost 4 years no contact after a 14 year entanglement. I’m almost free short of, I think, we still work in the same building (along with the supply he traded me for). I have no idea what they’re up to and frankly I don’t care. I thank God every day that I am no longer affected by them. I still watch your video last to continue in my healing and I thank you for that. It has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my healing 👏🏽👍🏽❤️

Demon possessed individuals ... thanks again Paula ❤️

I was never included in my ex narcissist life or plans it was like i wasn't even there it was horrible

this demons make that little child that you are so connected to reach out to you! they want to finish you... you will just recieve more guilt and shame.... you will never see love!

I got hoovered after 18 months of no contact! So yes you can never say never.

Every time you take them back the abuse when it starts again gets worse,your letting them know they can basically treat you like shite and keep on doing it and you will take them back.So we have two choices we take them back and have all our misery back or we go it alone until we meet the right person,work out why we let somebody treat us so badly,work on that thought,a healthy relationship is a safe place,ask yourself do you feel safe....?

They are usually in it for life! They didn’t invest into you to give you up forever. Crazy!😢

No brutal discard. I was ghosted after 2 years. The thing is he knew abandonment was my issue, so to me ghosting is the most traumatic thing he could have done. I did do the worst thing and that was I did not offer him a place to live and I wasn't willing to move away with him as I still had one child in High school (as did he). I never think he will hoover because the new supply gave him all the things he wanted and then some. Except, I have known him twice in my life. He chooses women that he is able to provoke and drive "crazy". Then he has an excuse for bad behavior. I never reacted this way. In the beginning he would say this is what he loved about me, that I didn't get "angry" with him. In the end he tried so hard to provoke me and it just drove me away. I would not respond to it or ask him why he was saying or doing things. The ego part of me would like a hoover to reject him but after 2 1/2 years that feeling is fading. I definitely think I am in that camp of people that believes he will not ever hoover.

They will never Hoover if you are doing worst then when they left you - there is notting to gain - but to see your pain ! They love when you have rebuild then they know you again can give and they can take

Please don't believe this narc words watch the behavior. They can't stand to be a lone. Extreme rejection sensativity. " oh you can be with me tonight- loneliness and self loathing of themselves. Paula know this stuff!

THE NARSISSIST NEEDS YOU, YOU DONT NEED THE NARSISSIST,,,,,,,LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF. YOU DONT NEEDED ABUSE. TAKE YOURE POUWER BAC YOU CAN DO THAT🇳🇱💖💙❤💜💛💚

Thank you for the encouragement .. as survivors & thrivers so much was taken away .. rebuilding ourselves .. validating our feelings thru self love .. building boundaries .. listening to our gut which was right all along .. and knowing our self worth .. builds us stronger 🙏🏽🌞

OMG you nailed it! My ex narc came to me two weeks ago almost crying to my apartment, he told me he was in a very toxic relationship and if we could get back together to help him get out of said toxic relationship (not going to happen dude). Now that I listen your video I understand it was a well played hoovering attempt aimed at sucking me back and triangulate me with Miss toxic. These narcs can get very creative! Bullet dodged.

Right on the mark in everything you said, Paula. About dark energy - the two narcs who live in the unit next to mine, came home after several months, yesterday. The energy of the place plumetted. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I had a series of bad dreams last night. The feeling took me back to when I was married to my ex narc. It s been almost three years and I am almost done healing and detaching from his energy.

Wow, you mentioned if we are the best “package” - that’s exactly what the narc used to actually say to me, that I provided the “full package”! The comment worked well as a devaluation at the time - not sure if it was intentional ! Thanks Paula, another great video. Listened your last 3 back to back! I pick up a little gem each time - so many times you hit the nail on the head - another eyeopening moment. Luckily often it makes me laugh at how predictable they are.

Sorry I keep making comments. I just have to say one more thing: The nerve of these crazies! How audacious, presumptuous, and downright rude to think anyone would be receptive to a Hoover after being discarded like an old shoe. It just shows you how clueless and inhuman they really are.

They way they treat us is what is in their hearts and it comes out of their mouths and definitely in their actions 🎬......movie is over and the curtains drawn and being in the audience and watching these characters have been one heck of a show

Man their whole outlook is based on need. No wonder my ex was constantly hounded by men and sex and wild times her whole life. She was very attractive and she had this personality disorder which was fueled by a driving need of control. No wonder she eventually became an alcoholic and popped pills. It's just so unsettling to think about. I was way out of my element.

I completely agree with your belief that is it heavy spiritual thing too. It is the only thing that explains to me why all of them act the same despite different upbringing, culture, early life influences. The spiritual element explains why they can feel withdrawal years later being miles away. They are possessed by the same demonic spirit which role is to kill, steal and destroy

Yes, they hoover when you are healed. I could swear there is a demon that tells them the bond is broken, then boom! Hoovering.

And just remember it’s their loss and your gain

I got "love" at the discard. It was all lies but she returned the engagement ring, said leaving me was the hardest thing she ever had to do, maybe because she realized she was losing grade A supply. No hate not visibly. The hate was evident for months leading up to the discard which was actually somewhat mutual. I had to suggest it and she agreed. There are differences in discards. This was one that was different.

It was over a year and yes I have healed by then You are right it is energetic level of communication! Thank You Paula xxx no do overs and no contact

I stumbled across another RU-vid channel that is a man who claims he's a recovering Narcississt & he's trying to help people understand Narcississts. He had a video the other day called the "reverse hoover" & he said that was his favorite. It's where he just goes silent & let's the victim reach out. He said it worked brilliantly. This morning the ex Narc in my life arrived at the school at same time I did to drop off his kids. He made sure when we pulled out to leave he was right on my butt! Now I could be wrong but I feel he did this to try to get my attention in hopes I would reach out. In the past I was the one to reach out. Just thought I would toss this out so someone else could hear what the "reverse hoover" looks like.

Comparing them to a broadband provider offering the better deal....just a perfect description.

Yes! my narcissist sister knows just when to kick me when im down! Its like she knows the perfect time to do this....she just knew when the worst possible time would be. Then she hoovered me years later when I was doing well, tried to come back into my life. But all the criticisms and the hostile looks and behavior from family and flying monkeys started again and I knew it was happening all over again. I fled!

Thank you for your efforts to educate us. I haven't had as much exposure to the darkness of this mental disorder as a lot of you. I go back and forth on the validity of stuff like this, and I fear that I have lost a good friend because of the fear of this stuff ("how bad is it gonna get? I'm gonna get out while I can!"), and misreading various things in our interactions. I'm grateful for this channel and others like it that make me aware of the patterns in this disorder.

I had a hoover from my x narc today. I will never put myself through such an experience ever again. They psychopaths

I chose the Revenge, after discovering he had an agenda and had premeditated everything sadisticallly like in a Chess Game. So, I Checkmated him after the last discard, leaving him with the same doubts and dissonance I use to have. And don't regret it. He will never forget this and I hope he collapses, with or without karma, just in case. I already knew too much before the discard, still preferring not to believe... Anyway, after that I didn't chase him and blocked him everywhere. So disgusting, insidious snake...🤬

I never knew I was surrounded by narcissists all my life. Now I know the difference between a narc and a human, I laugh out loud. All narcs follow the same pattern. Learn to see and read the signs and patterns. Now I live a life of not giving a monkeys about anything or anyone. My rule is that: my shoulder isn't for you to cry on until you find your next fix. If you have a problem, please do go take a running jump! I'm so not interested in sorting out your life's problems.

Here's my explanation to what you said about them spiritually picking up on your healing. This is because you are connected at a soul level. You have a soul contract with this person. I'll go as far as to say it's even a soul mate at a level because of how significant you were to them and they were to you in this incarnation. Untill the lesson is fully learned, you'll stay connected and no cord cutting will help. It takes time. And because of this "cord" connection, they know when you are gone. Same way you can feel into them especially as an empath you can "tune" into them

Oh God Paula I just love your energy here on your channel. After 5 years (!) my narc/sociopathic brother is trying to hoover me big time, it's quite scary now that I am awake and aware. He did it using his daughter my niece knowing that i helped raise her and how close we were. This man is so extremely toxic and dangerous, him and his narc-wife are supposed to be moving 4 states away, prayers this happens soon so I can breathe a sigh of relief! 😥😥🙏🙏🌹🌹

You've got this spot on Paula!! 👍

This was one more great video. Thank you Paula:)

Spot on again!! Thank you 🙏

So happy that you have dived into this Paula, excellent explanation, thank you 🙏

My ex-narc never hoovered me, after discarding me pretty abrubtly 6 years ago. (we had 20 years a relation, no marriage). We are still in contact with eachother because we have kids. I think she broke up a dozen times with her new supply. She once said to me that it problaby wasn't my fault why she broke up with me. Our "distant relationship" goes luckily enough ok, there is no war or silent treatment, which is especially great for our kids. But she's in my perception a Fake, wearing a Mask everyday. I realize now that i never felt a deep social-emotional connection with her during our relationship. I have learned so much about Narcissm and Dark Empaths the last few years, this great channel contributed to that knowledge. Thank you so much Paula !

The long forgotten narc came back to hoover after 25 years 😂

Hi Paula you are so right ! He tryed again but games as always lol Have too laugh at them really . I find that helps too get you through Thanks again Paula

3 years out, the narc wife hasn't hoovered. Really believe she won't. Life seems to be going swimmingly for her and the new supply. I can't help but feel like she upgraded in certain ways, he has a better job, more money, they are building a house together. I'm going to consolling, on anti depression medication. I did everything the healthy way, gave up drinking, smoking, go to the gym, thi chi and Kung fu, but still can't find happiness or peace of mind, feeling very low. Don't see her ever hoovering me.

An absolute fact they will always Hoover

Excellent video. Thank you!

This was so good thankyou ❤❤❤

Thank you Paula, that was brilliant 👍🙏⭐

I really appreciate and value your videos! You are definitely one of my favorites!!! You actually GET what narcissism is, and you provide really helpful coping skills. Thank you ❤

Thank you for the warning.

Omg I love ur channel! I found u today and I’m binge watching ur videos. I agree so completely with much of ur take on things. Love and appreciation to u! ❤️💯

How wonderful it is Paula that the likes of yourself and many more are on these channels talking about the horrible in humans bringing it to the fore, and hopefully young men and women will spot the red flags rather sooner than later in their relationships, I I saw the red flags many many times but I choose to try and make sense of them and excuses for them also (silly me) thank god Paula so many will realise and learn abuse is not love many blessings to you and everyone connected to these o humans ☘️☘️☘️

I wanted the validation & I wanted him back. Thankfully all the knowledge I have required, I now see the truth of what it really was. I’m not totally healed, but every day I’m better

This gave me chills by how accurate it is. When my ex tried to cheat with me on his new “interest” I told said interest only for my ex to discard me, blame me, and call me jealous and insecure like he truly believed that and didn’t even acknowledge cheating. I thought that would be it, like I did enough for him to stay away. And it is eerie how they seem to know when you’re getting better because his new supply has been bold by stalking my social media and even liking some posts right when I’m feeling better and spending more time with friends and hobbies and I feel like it’s some kind of flying monkey hoover. The “package” statement is also dead-on. Mine always said how I was everything he could ask for or “you’ve got all I could ever want” etc. I’m eternally grateful for your extensive knowledge and it has definitely given me more insight.

Character trait acquisition and hovering= dx. I could write a book. Wonderful data paula. They are very negative in their head and can't get away from it- especially when alone. There is time when they are alone and they feel the emptiness and as h. G. Tudor says the creature stirs.

Thank you,Paula🙏

All, so ridiculous, a circus! Let go!

Desperation is the Narc's way,the narc is gone,the relationship is over,thought I'd walk instead I ran away

Your videos have helped me heal so much I’m on my way I already had a lot of the knowledge. But you put a twist on s lot of the things that we need to learn. My ex from 2019 I moved out on when I realized what he was. He never hoovered like he had I think he knows that I know what he is. We used to listen to narcissist videos together (unbelievable) because he had said all the things his ex was doing he was going through court in a divorce I then realized they are both narcissist talk about a reality check. I left blocked him my life is so much better now. He lives around the corner so every once in awhile I pass him on our street. He won’t mess w me I live w my mom who he is intimidated by! No worries! When I stayed in my condo he always hoovered me. No mo Thanks beautiful ☮️

Paula, thank you for helping us heal. You are so on point. Sending my love from the U.S.

I feel like I had the hoover almost immediately after he left...like the week after 🙈 it was so confusing. I had it again 5 months down the line...after the said he's already seeing someone else 🤯 Do you think sometimes they have different goals in mind when they hoover, not just to get you back but to get you on side again? To get their own way. There's always a motive with a highly narcissistic person.

Paula i really love your videos you really explain things so well thank you very much Paula

Hi sweetheart I'm so appreciative of you and your work TY ❣️🍎

Paula, I am thankful I have found your videos! Truly helpful to me. You have connected so many dots. I appreciate your calm and gentle delivery in sharing your knowledge. So respectful to those of us that have been cloaked with disrespect from the narcissist for years. Thank you 🙏🏻

Perfection personafied, and you are less than dirt to them.

I like this video, it’s very beneficial, thank you.

This is so true!

The Narcissist I knew had a client who was actually fantastic in a unique way. But because this client was "problematic" they parted ways. Whenever the Narcissist spoke of this client you could see the disappointment and venom in their eyes. Their anger for them was so acute and sharp that they took joy in seeing this person fail. This particular client had felt bad things ended poorly between them but the Narcissist gladly ignored their texts to make amends. A friend and I would observe how ruthless and cold the Narcissist was with anyone during a split and there was never any grace to be found. About a year later I saw and heard that the Narcissist had reached out to this former client trying to hoover them back. I was very surprised by this because it didn't seem like anything they would do. In fact, I think it was desperate on their behalf because there is such a revolving door with the Narcissist and so many "good" opportunities and people slipped through their hands. I had a ruthless and brutal discard. I was an amazing opportunity the Narcissist exiled and I had made tremendous sacrifices for them. On day two of their degrading me and saying what a loser I was, that no one cared about me, and all kinds of accusations- I blocked the Narcissist. I blocked anyone that I thought was a hardcore enabler. I may have had some hoovers by proxy- mostly information seeking. I'm very educated now and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't get the education and needs it.

WOW.... It took several years to recover from narcissist damage in overseas job... WOW, I get it.. he hoovered, five years later.. with some bull it about going to counseling... (WTF)? I never realized it. Like you said, spiritually, HE knew I was finally back on top where I belong.. You nailed it! Thank you!

Rarley its talked abt dismissel. I would love to hear smt abt that. Great video and a lot of love 🏵️

Thankyou so much Paula your support is very helpful to me and it’s a blessing you are a Christian like me. U know inside out how these narcs are. I have had hoovers recently and ignored them. I did discard mine but he finds ways of trying to contact me. I find your advice really understanding and u help so much with my healing.

I still have never been hoovered. It has been almost 5 years since I was discarded. About 2 weeks ago I noticed that an account with the same username as my ex was viewing my one social media profile. That is the first time that has happened. I have gotten so many weird friend requests from fake profiles online. One of these accounts only has one profile picture of a cat that looks like a Google image. Most people get fake accounts trying to follow them on Facebook every once in a blue moon but when it starts happening at a crazy rate it feels off. I have been such a secluded and private person in the last few years so there aren't many people that would actually seek me out on social media.

Mine wont hoover me. I threw her out and she looked like a zombie that day. I Think i hurt her badly, it was a war. Its 8 months later i am also suffering from the brain damage she left me with... i knew from youtube etc what i was dealing with and this helped immensely. But... i dont like that i had to behave the way i did. It was not like myself.

Sam Vaknin was teaching on sadistic Supply is more potent than just regular narcissistic supply so you’re not far off there lady!

Grey rocked. No contact is a must.

my narc stole or borrowed but always repaid so I thought it was OK. Second date he had left his wallet at home. I excused it because he paid me back. I met him when he was having coffee with 2 women - one owned a sex shop!!! Level of my desperation and loneliness.

It's been 2 years NC for me now and I am feeling healed and happy. No sign of a hoover and he seems thrilled with his new supply still 🤦‍♀️🥴 can't imagine there will be a hoover in the future...