My boss does the following: - forgets what she says - denies not informing me. - Withheld info. - waits at the end of my task to say what's actually needed. - refuses to include me in vital meetings - gives me bad reviews - and a misandrist.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Circumstances such as that, is exactly why I recommend keeping notes of EVERYTHING. If you don't, the other person will gaslight you.
Taking notes is a good tip - Gaslighters like to do the “can you give me a specific example when that happened/I did that?” And if you can’t give details, dates and quotes, they act like you’re just being dramatic/crazy.
That’s exactly what my manager uses give me specific examples, whole time the security guard was harassing me on the job site she eventually got fired.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I always tell people to keep diary notes and any evidence of instances. It’s hard for HR or management to do anything about it without the evidence.
@@Sy2023hk Yes, that's called the DARVO manipulation technique. I've done a video on that. You can watch it here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-5ADwcz17ayo.html
I think I’m dealing with a narcissistic boss…she’s insane!! In dire need of mental health counseling… causing division, lying, devaluing, threatening my job and I’ve only been there 3 weeks
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that, especially 3 weeks in! My advice, keep notes of EVERYTHING! Every interaction including the date, time, situation, witnesses, how it made you feel, etc. Most people don't think to do that. Also, I strongly suggest that you escalate it to someone higher than her - however, you'll probably need evidence (which is where the notes come in) for them to do something about it. Good luck.
Leave immediately, I had same thing. They don't stop, they'll keep you down the whole time. It's just their insecurity. Or, switch teams. I now work in a new company that has great ppl, nobody bullies me, it's such a relief, and feels so worthwhile coming to work. It's a joy.
Instead of keeping a diary start seeking out another opportunity. Life is too short to be spending it working under toxic abusive managers. The time and effort spent on "coping" are better spent on getting away from the situation altogether.
I get why you would say that, and in many cases, you're 100% right, but some people, actually love the company and the people they work with. It's just one bad person spoiling everything. I do have examples where people have done as I suggest and it's worked out for them.
Another sign: your job requires you to move heavy furniture and a coworker or boss hides the tools you need. You have a bad back. They think it's funny to see you struggle.
@@spatulalegs I'm sorry to hear that. However, I truly believe that we're never stuck! There are always things you can do. You managed to get the job you're in, and you'll get another. Just keep looking. Register with online job sites and recruitment consultants, and send speculative CVs to companies you're interested in working with. Keep taking to avoid going down a negativity spiral. There are more jobs out there than you think. You just have to be prepared to go that extra mile when looking for them.
Im 4min into your video and this is a reflection of what im going through on my current team. I have a positive reputation in rhe company and industry as hi-po and was recruited to join a new team (same company). My manager has gotten employees onboard to criticize my work/efforts as this is a new area of the business for me. Its demoralizing. Hoping your video can provide additional tips and support to power through.
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through that. It's truly horrible. I think you'll find my other two videos useful, '5 Signs Your Boss is a Bully' ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-8HbyzNOFYgE.htmlsi=DQbSI8ynZj_9KGfl and 'Discover 5 Reasons Why Bullies Bully' ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-h8ieJlT_DNE.htmlsi=Qffalgatdzg70Nfq. I've already recorded another video describing the three things I wish I'd known when I was being bullied. I'll be releasing that in a couple of weeks, so make sure you've subscribed and hit the notification bell. Take care of yourself.
@@rumrum1276 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one should have to endure abuse when all they're trying to do is their job. Thanks for taking the time to comment. ❤
Excludate , spreading rumors , favoritism, raising voices, withholding information, passive aggressive behavior, gaslighting , bullying all these going on in my work place. Now I m the target, cos I spoke up
Goodness, I'm so sorry you're having to go through that. I have lots of videos on my channel that can help you. Here's a playlist covering this type of content: ru-vid.com/group/PLDNJr70wG7Ke8Yvgwye5IywalSigcbO4G
I am the manager and I have staff under me who are passive aggressive as well as gaslighting. I stress myself out by confronting and give attention to them. But never seem to work. They never satisfy with many things that I tried to accommodate. Now, I will just be professional, no more trying to be a friend or create some personal sharing. I will try to let them know that I am not affected by their behaviour and will only deal with work performance. Let's see how this pens out. But will value ur advice.
I'm so sorry that you're going through that. Have you seen my other videos about how to deal with bullying in the workplace? Especially my video on how to deal with narcissistic bullying - I think it would definitely be worth watching: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-4OjysYYex_o.html
Following your feedback, I now have a video on managing passive-aggressiveness in the workplace. Here's the link: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-hYa2SlB6ZrA.html
Thank u Jo. Great advice. I waited to long to find a new job. Was burned out and struggled to get a new one. I just started at a new place and my boss is starting to resemble the one I just left. Bummer. I am documenting everything to try to b sure I am not overreacting from my last job but my gut is saying run. Lol.
Oh goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that. It could be that your nervous system is in overdrive and hyper alert to threats. But I think you're doing the right thing documenting everything. I hope it works out for you. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Writing in a note pad the date, time, context and who doesn't work. Every time the HR tells me "that is not a prove" and quite often they are the controlled opposition by the upper management. I never succeed and got justice.
I always recommend doing that in the first instance. However, unfortunately, it doesn't always help. If your organisation are not willing to take your complaints seriously, then there are lots of other organisations that I'm sure would be happy to have your skills, talent and experience!
Great vid! A lot of people don't understand how a sabotaging boss can change you. It really does play on your psyche and physical health, especially the gaslighting. Have a boss that will tell my coworkers one thing and me the exact opposite! I have found that if it's just sabotaging coworkers, it can be a little easier to handle, if you have some kind of support from your boss and/or another coworker. When it's your boss doing the sabotaging, you are now in the most difficult and uncomfortable environment that can be found. It gets really obvious that a sabotaging boss is trying to make you leave and it is extremely easy for them to turn coworkers against you. The gossip and rumors become slander; however, the slander is hard to prove when it's your word against theirs. When you know that H.R. won't stand up for you, yep....time to dust off your sandals and leave. There is a much better world out there. Thanks for the vid.
Thanks so much for your comment @Dragonheat13. I completely agree with everything you've said. I've much more coming up on this topic, especially around how sabotaging bosses turn others against you and what to do about it.
Thank you so much for this video. I have been sabotaged by my employers for some time. At first, she started using gaslighting and did everything you mentioned in the video. I have been very stressed and depressed. I hope I recover soon. This is really helpful
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. No one comes to work to be treated that way. I hope you recover soon, too. I released a video on Monday that teaches tools to use to heal and recover ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Ed3r8zTLvCQ.html. Take care of yourself.
Interesting to note you previously worked in HR. I was a little surprised, as unfortunately my three and a half decades of work lead me to conclude that HR was the last place to go to report any workplace abuse. It would either yield no result or escalate the abuse.
@ajjudge7983 thanks for your comment. Yes, I worked in HR, but left it 15 years ago for a number of reasons, one being exactly the reason you state here, plus the fact that I was bullied by an HR Director! It's also important to note that not everyone in HR is a bad person. Most people go into HR to help people and believing they can make a difference. However, if the senior management of the organisation is not behind those ideals, nothing changes. I talk more about my experience in this video: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-e4IpfdRhjVI.html
@@JoBanks thank you so much your reply. I will watch your guide with interest and I’m glad you were able to create a more conducive environment for yourself. I found that HR in my experience could be gold medal standard gaslighters. But as you say, not everyone in that sector is a mean individual. To your continued success and happiness!
In my case it's the HR Director who is initiating the sabotage throughout the administrative department (and likely the organization) with a boss who is completely under her spell.
That's a tough one, @DiannaKendall-y3b. That's what happened to me in my workplace bullying situation. It's very difficult to handle. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Thank you Jo Banks, absolutely amazing, I have my confirmation to sabotaging from my current manager, so help me Lord, I strongly feel she is the one to leave as she found me here, how do I work around on my feelings
Thanks for your comment and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I have lots of videos on boosting your mental toughness and resilience. I also have videos on how to manage bullies. These two playlists will help - Mental Toughness: ru-vid.com/group/PLDNJr70wG7KeY_tE8iS4H8UvcCE-YOtr5 Bullying/Narcissism: ru-vid.com/group/PLDNJr70wG7Ke8Yvgwye5IywalSigcbO4G Hope that helps.
It wasn't your dream job. I have been on so many interviews these past two years, even though I have no intention of leaving my job. I've learned what to look for now, and notice red flags during interviews. Its interesting how many jobs are constantly advertised even after a long interval has passed. When you get a job keep applying to others.
Watching this video after my nasty boss got under my nerves by cutting the amount of transport allowances I receive(without my consent)... What made the situation worst is that he paid me through a coworker, the worst form of disrespect and gas lighting ....He went further to cut communication with me..I was on a site visit inspecting projects when this happened, now I have to wait until tomorrow to go and confront him in person ......I just hate it😞😞
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope you managed to sort it out with your boss. I would highly recommend making notes of all of the interactions of this type. Including emails, conversations, witnesses, dates and times. That way, if you want to do something about it more formally, you have evidence. That's where most people go wrong. They don't keep evidence. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate. I went and talked to him and as expected he gave me the most lame excuse and apology after I dared to take an action against him. I can testify that collecting evidence in such a situation is very important. Once again, thank you so much.
@@josephnganga6387 Oh that's brilliant news. I'm sorry that your boss gave a lame excuse, but at least you got the ultimate result you wanted. Unfortunately, this problem may not go away. So, keep taking the notes and collecting the evidence, just in case!
Put it like this: “nobody wants to work for an a-hole” The problem some managers put the company at risk for lawsuits because of their behavior. You can sue the company for harassment.
@luisriba8082 - thanks for your comment. Unfortunately, in the UK, it's not quite as easy as suing the company for harassment. We have different laws over here. But I always say to get out sooner rather than later if your company isn't willing to resolve the issue (which, in my experience, is most of the time).
Fantastic I wish I had seen this before I had my problems you described the one to seven situation I was in perfectly. Unfortunately I did all the actions you mentioned but got nowhere and ended up getting sacked worst of all is that it is the church that I attend for over 30 years I was treated disgracefully. in Europe there is some accountability in the US there appears to be none especially for a nonprofit
I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through a tough time. Yes, workers have a lot more rights in Europe (as long as you've been with a company over 2 years). It's much harder to dismiss here than the US. I hope you're managing to heal and have found both a job and a church that nurtures both your body and soul.
@@JoBanks Thats very nice of you, yes, all works together for good: opened a mobile bike biz, earning more, and as a Pastor, more time for ministry. Really appreciate the response
Good podcast. I went to mediation waste of time. Had to leave got a new job happened again with the next line manager. I was ok until she came back from maternity leave. I saw the look in her eye and knew I was going to have trouble. She practically called me a liar . She was threatened by me. I’m still looking for another job loads of interviews but not landed anything. Can work as a ta but not my preference.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of jealous and insecure people out there. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you find a new job soon. I'm actually interviewing a recruitment friend of mine today for some upcoming videos on job hunting, so watch out for those!
I had all of this happen to me at the Museum of the Dog the Director along 3 managers and coworkers (one was the Directors secret girlfriend) gang up on me and used text messages to "create" fake altercations" to plot and try to "set me up" to put jewelry in my backpack" the AKC staff from the 5th fl saw the text messages and warned me to NOT break my bag or a hide it were they couldn't look for it the manager had demanded I use a specific locker that I could barely reach, they would openly talk about trying to pull the chair from under me, not so secret girlfriend of Alan fausel was trying to punch me in the back as well as eating and drinking at the front desk spraying me with sticky coffee and food crumbs refusing to clean up after herself but she claimed I was harassing her she wore very inappropriate clothes and exposed her genitals, bare ass checks to visitors all the time even the security guards complained but they were fired while he just stood there an laughed. They mishandle money, merchandise let people steal while they reed books playing on their phones never helped to clean but I was fired for "bad mouthing them!
I work with OCPD guy. He became manager in 2016 and everything was destroyed. Very controlling and closed-minded. He invited himself to all my client meetings, then started meeting with my clients without me, and then handed me single mystery tasks at a time. If I asked who the client was he would get mad. I was a part time student for 5 years before he became manager, and then he started calling me in class demanding to know where I was and threatening to write me up. EVERYONE knew where I was, because I mentioned it in every meeting.
Oh my goodness, that guy clearly has some issues! Definitely some low self-esteem and 'building himself up by putting you down' issues going on there! I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope you're clear of him now!
@@JoBanks thanks. And for making relevant content. Sadly, no, I still “work” with him. We were reorganized a year ago, and that had clipped his wings a bit, but… I talked to our new director about returning to me degree. The new director was incredibly supportive and wanted me to take two classes a semester because “it’s better to wrap it up sooner rather than later”. I think the OCPD manager got to him, because the director said he had been rethinking it and wants me to start with one class. It is a pretty huge double standard because there are people in the office NOT under my manager who are getting their Ph.Ds now with incredibly flexible schedules. I did lay it flat out with the new director after he he backed up on the two classes. I told him the guy has OCPD, how he has been a bully, that I was more productive before he became manager, and that I would leave his management immediately if the opportunity presents itself. The new director wants to talk again after thanksgiving. He said he had one other employee that went through something similar in the past. I am going to keep in keeping on, but yes… it is better to get out sooner, rather than later. I have lost my filter about it now.
Oh. My new director also added that I was the next logical choice for manager when my manager retires. So that is also weird to navigate. I don’t trust anyone now, though, and maybe that is breadcrumbing.
@@JoBanks Definitely. I've applied and interviewed. Not having the degree is a damper on some of that. However I met some potential prospects in my field at a conference two weeks ago, so that's my next goal. They advice to get out sooner rather than later is a good one. I know better now. I had no idea what OCPD really was before this. It's an unsolvable disorder and isn't worth the time invested navigating it.
