11 Ways to Recognize a Covert Narcissist

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In this video, I share 11 signs to look out for to recognize a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists aren't always easy to spot, but with these signs, you'll easily be able to recognize a covert narcissist in your life. #covertnarcissist #narcissism #npd
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist

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8 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 3,8 тыс.

@theCailleach 4 года назад

They lack genuine interest and curiosity about you as a person (who you are, what you like, etc.). They will ask superficial questions, sure, and "listen" when you volunteer information. But after having spent a considerable amount of time with this person, you realise that they don’t know anything about you really, and they couldn't care less.

@theCailleach 4 года назад

Or they keep repeating the same story over and over. They don't remember what they have told to whom.

@eagleeye2300 4 года назад

They are bored to tears if everything, ( and I mean EVERYTHING,) is not about them. Other people are just accessories. The man that I left didn't know what my handwriting looked like, after 2 1/2 years.

@SuckerPunch92 4 года назад

Sooooo true

@bronwyntanner4501 4 года назад

I never felt like I counted / mattered and or was important in the 14 year marriage

@h3llnite 4 года назад

Melrakki just had this happen today. I never realised until putting the pieces together that this ‘friend’ never really heard anything I spoke about. Then they tried saying it’s my fault they haven’t been in touch. Why you might ask? Because I have depression was their excuse. I don’t fit in their positive happy world.

@alyscstudjo6909 4 года назад

The covert narcs apology goes something like this “I’m sorry but my actions were actually your fault because...”

@launabanauna8958 4 года назад

Alysc Studjo My narc husband’s apologies (the few he actually said in 19 years) went like this “Okay, I’m sorry, but what do you expect? I was mad because you did such and such....

@AmbyJeans 4 года назад

Exactly. It's always your fault, it's never theirs.

@ah-il9xt 4 года назад

Or "I'm sorry that you feel that way..."

@philomelodia 4 года назад

Alysc Studjo you forgot the last part. “ and you know what, if I decide to do x I deserve it because of y”

@doniasenzalbatross3126 4 года назад

As I've listened to this and other fine videos on narcissism, the image of my ex is commingled with those of my mother and sister. There are some differences in how they exhibit the various traits, but now I realize how long I have been surrounded with this toxic atmosphere and influence. I can't solve what they do but I can solve how I handle it. And I am finally feeling strong and allowing myself to be (slightly) amused instead of manipulated. So glad to finally see the light!

@jonesy2892 3 года назад

Coverts are very sneaky. And they LOVE to hide things. I think that hiding things is at the very core of who they are.

@lioydwilliams1850 3 года назад

Jonesy,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too pretty!

@ladybelladarkstarr7020 3 года назад

@@lioydwilliams1850 that was very bold ! Sincere SOUL_ You are being the light that our Gaia desperately needed! Complemented her like a gentleman _🌼 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

Yes they hide everything. You made be very right about that jonesy

@lisa.hennessey19 3 года назад

I always say that I dont really know him bc he lies so much and hides things. Every person he's cheated on me with with when I finally found the proof I used to laugh at rhe ahit hed tell them. Ugh. I have no clue what he does when not here and I stopped looking bx everytime I do I find something. And now I'm on my way out.

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

Yes very sneaky, add the gaslighting to it and forget it, their secrets and lies can go on for years before you discover them and you never discover them all...

@ladybird8375 3 года назад

They cannot take criticism or insinuated criticism. They go quickly into a rage. They want you to show them the upmost respect unfortunately the respect is not reciprocated.

@SunnyBeetle1922 3 года назад

Yep this sums it up. I was called a bitch with a pathetic waste of a life, she accused me of things I hadn’t done then starting complaining that I didn’t have a good opinion of her..., Narcs have zero self awareness🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

@anony7170 Год назад

Yes this fucker expects 100pc loyalty and respect whilst giving absolutely none back whatsoever. He is deluded and I feel so much better now I have realised he is a covert narcissist

@MARLA116 Год назад

You betcha! Great point!!!

@MARLA116 Год назад

@@SunnyBeetle1922 I carried ALL the burdens for the family: disabilities, work, household maintenance, etc., while he just spent 20 years doing nothing but obtaining supply from EVERY source possible. Even manipulating our children. OUR CHILDREN. AND GRANDCHILDREN. WHEN THE KIDS WERE UNDERAGE AND OF AGE. I was told I was miserable, angry, and bitter. Was blamed for infidelity. And, everything else. Of course, I began to think that this was me. That I was just a drudge. That I was just not marriage material. Now, I think, 'well, how do you think I GOT this way'. Special place in hell for these b******s.

@GaslightingIsEvil 8 месяцев назад

But be careful because autism can be misinterpreted for it and autistic people can have rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

@jnanashakti6036 4 года назад

I always check back in on these kinds of videos when I start missing my ex.

@araucana1976 3 года назад

Thank you so much! for reminding me of that essential step😊

@itsall_coming_down 3 года назад

I don’t miss the devil thank you God 🙏🏼

@joeysdream7166 3 года назад

Rabbit, I do the SAME EXACT THING. You're not alone. Keep moving forward.

@sherryp3411 3 года назад

For sure it helps!!!

@freebein 3 года назад

Literally doing that now.

@zigggyyyc7342 4 года назад

.. Also they are very passive aggressive!

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

Definitely!

@cococaptivating7611 4 года назад

And they punish you after an argument and if you apologize they can’t move forward or take responsibility for their part.

@cococaptivating7611 4 года назад

They have to keep bringing up the past and you thought that was resolved and they understood but no a year later they bring it up.

@tsin6506 4 года назад

BIG YES! It is like they are playing your mind and feeling like a yo-yo and kept you confused whether you should be offended or just forget about it.

@tsin6506 4 года назад

@Suddenly Impossible I am OK with silent treatment but the real problem with them is they are GREAT at SCREAM CAMPAIGNING.

@Cred1Tor 3 года назад

1. intense soulmate connection (lovebombing) 3:00 2. something is off 5:10 3. cognitive dissonance (actions don't align with words) 6:15 4. intense need to win (not admitting they're wrong or insincere apologies) 7:16 5. justifying bad behavior 9:43 6. insecure feelings (how they make you feel) 10:30 7. disproportionate rage or anger (blow up at little things) 12:25 8. gasligting 14:25 9. lack of empathy 17:20 10. lack of whole object relations (black and white perception of themselves and others (mostly others), hates you then loves you) 21:27 11. insecurity when apart (not attached to you when you're not around) 23:00

@siniviitanen7759 3 года назад

Probably 9

@ezpz868 3 года назад

Out of the 11 she spoke of, I identified all 11 from my ex ...sigh

@Loveheartcorian 3 года назад

All 11

@narceliminator3382 3 года назад

She had all of these traits that were described and also another one always plays the victim every relationship she had been in she was the victim and they were all abusers according to her none of them had any good qualities and so she did the same thing to me made me out to be an abuser to other people I had a successful relationship for 35 years with my first wife until I lost her to cancer then I marry this woman against my own better judgment I had that gut feeling before I did and didn't go with it which I regret it now.I knew Somthing wasn't right about her from the start and told myself this a bad idea but I didn't listin to my gut

@devikabhat2615 3 года назад

@@narceliminator3382 Man I get it....I also kept justifying that gut feeling I got from day 1. It lasted for 5 years. I considered her my best friend...but I'm so glad I ended it

@annalee9067 3 года назад

A big sign, is that the Narcissist is ALWAYS right. If you happen to correct them. They take it as an attack & they don't like it.

@BJBlaskovichGaming 10 месяцев назад

Yep, my ex gf was like that, and then had the nerve to tell me post relationship, “you always had to be right.” I laughed and was like, when was I EVER right with you?!

@nano7586 2 месяца назад

Probably the biggest sign. Talking with my ex was like talking with a wall.

@bezejmennylotr6813 4 года назад

There is a difficulty with a covert narcissists. But pay attention to the weird insensitive things they sometimes say in the moments when they dont watch themselves.

@Starlight111x 4 года назад

Very true.

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

Good advice! ❤🙏

@gericrouch7772 4 года назад

Yeah, like he says under his breath..."stupid broad"...and I say you really don't like women, do you?

@AmbyJeans 4 года назад

Oh yes. And when you speak up they were "just joking" and you're "too damn sensitive."

@marisamarino7596 4 года назад

Mine actually yelled, “Don’t get raped!” When I had to walk over to an outhouse On a mountain bike trail. It was shocking.

@Iminplaya 4 года назад

I could add #12 They are always the VICTIM🙄

@four-x-trading5606 4 года назад

Yep that one

@camillemccurty8237 4 года назад

Always...

@biba350 4 года назад

Yes

@stuartbrigham8832 4 года назад

…because they are. They are their OWN victim, but project that onto you.

@frida182 4 года назад

So true they always play the victim !!! Always know they is always two sides to every story

@bloodsoup8377 3 года назад

The closest to admitting fault I ever got from my EX covert was “I’m sorry you feel that way”

@igorot1 3 года назад

Mine too he always said that words whenever i bring out things he had done wrong. Told me it wasn't wrong and he is sorry if i felt that way. For him all he had done was right.

@christine9411 3 года назад

Same here

@hannahaharoni6767 3 года назад

Mine says that everytime he's gaslightening me.....

@monikamona6844 3 года назад

Im sorry you feel hurt. That was the closest to his apology.

@somethinggood9267 3 года назад

Mine was "im sorry if you were hurt by me". Like what does that even mean?

@raquelserrano2403 3 года назад

Its like they love you because to them you are perfect and then they realize that your “perfection” makes them look bad so they hate you perfection, but when they find out you aren’t perfect they hate it because they deserve someone perfect, but they would blame you for being perfect or for being imperfect and then- I just wonder how their logic doesn’t make them dizzy all the time.

@dean8705 3 года назад

This is very true

@inirafitzpatrick315 3 года назад

Literally my mom, my whole life 😞

@emmaadams9858 3 года назад

AGREED

@emmaadams9858 3 года назад

Like how are narcissists not EXHAUSTED

@Missb612 3 года назад

No wonder my ex always wanted an early night (one of the many ways he gave me so little time) . Sounds very exhausting to be like this 🙄

@zigggyyyc7342 4 года назад

Another common one is in the early stages of the relationship they will tend to play the victim when talking about their past relationships, making out how horrible the other person was. This is usually a test to see if you're a good source of supply who will give them plenty of attention and reassurance.

@philomelodia 4 года назад

Zigggyyy C oh, God. How they do love the reassurance! Constant reassurance! Every day, every time, all the time, and their favorite way that they try to manipulate you seems to be “ if you really loved me you would do x” this way, they get what they want and a dose of reassurance all at the same time. Or, they back you into a trap by saying that you didn’t do something they wanted therefore it means you don’t love them and then you sit there and try to protest how much you love them until you just look silly. And they enjoy every minute of it. Then, you educate yourself and don’t play the game anymore and they lose their shit! Go completely bonkers.

@zigggyyyc7342 4 года назад

@@philomelodia oh they certainly panic if they feel like they're losing their control over you. Typically they use FOG - fear, obligation and guilt. One of my ex's most common phrases to use on me was 'oh that's not very gentlemanly of you ' if I wasn't bowing to her needs

@TLoveInfinity 4 года назад

Yes, this is one of the first things that a CN could test you with.

@santoparfano1910 4 года назад

Yes they won't show any accountability in past relationships

@eatanotherzio6811 4 года назад

My ex told me she always paid for everything in all of her previous relationships lmao I was a fucking moron for believing her

@watcher. 4 года назад

They humiliate you in front of friends & family for their personal highs

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

So true. It's kind of like the playground bully who puts other people down to make themselves feel better.

@lillymu9142 4 года назад

You are on point, also they would laugh at you in front of their friends, and gossip behind you,and telling you they love you behind close doors, that's Devil to me..

@AmbyJeans 4 года назад

Mine would try to talk mess about me behind my back to mutual friends who wouldn't join in and would point out what she was doing was shady. That's when all of a sudden she would flip, saying I was her best friend and praising me as if she hadn't just tried to vilify me seconds before. The mutual friends never said anything to me until after our relationship was over because they didn't want to start anything and they thought I wouldn't believe them. Honestly, they're right. I would have found a way to defend her.

@katalynbabe 4 года назад

Yes theyre bullies

@edistib 4 года назад

They even do when you say sthg nice about them. I was told that a trait of mine is disgusting. And than oh guess was too hard...laughing..seriously is this funny? It's somehow funny he finds it funny in a sad way Uff

@kimosabe818 3 года назад

Sheepish, shy, kind, easygoing....i thought i was so lucky

@somethingbambi875 3 месяца назад

And so cute and adoreable. Never met anyone like them before... 😮😢 Sad to know it was all A lie.

@tehee3631 3 года назад

I love this comment section. I feel so understood. So many shared experiences ❤

@supersaturn4742 2 года назад

I feel sad reading the comment section... i'm not a monster! At least i don't want to be... 😢

@alicec.6195 4 года назад

Major red flags from someone that had a few relationships with narcissists... They will tell you many times in the beginning that you are perfect. So much it will be uncomfortable. Also, they will blow up the first time for a small reason that you will never see it coming. I was so scared I was frozen and shaking, without a proper reaction. And later I told him I didn't like and I've got the obvious response: I didn't raise my voice, you are overreacting, you are too sensitive *rolls eyes and ignores you for 2 days. If your boyfriend makes you cry and acts like you're not there crying and doesn't talk to you for days, run.

@santoparfano1910 4 года назад

Yup...my covert narc used to call me her "perfect soulmate". A month into dating she just snapped at me out of nowhere. It was bizarre bc it was completely inappropriate for the situation. When I asked her why she snapped she denied it ever happened. I get it completely..

@infinityawaitsus 4 года назад

wow, i feel like you described my ex. i’m sorry you went through this too.

@eternitywithjesus777 4 года назад

Same happened to me. I agree...RUN!

@matmac888 4 года назад

What is with the silent treatment after calling them out?

@thisbeem2714 4 года назад

I'm sorry, but....do YOU understand why I did that?

@Swakara1 4 года назад

When they actually "apologize" for something they did, their tone of voice is dry and dismissive and you get an uncomfortable sense that they don't really mean it.

@lisacampbell4705 4 года назад

MMine actually said, after 13 years: “ I’m so sick of apologizing. That’s why I don’t anymore” .My response: “ i don’t want an apology. I want you to stop doing the horrendous things you do. Then you wouldn’t have to apologize.

@metricdeep8856 4 года назад

Agreed. The apology was always clinical and textbook like. Never genuine.

@grdnvllycwgrl3319 4 года назад

Mines at this phase now. Unfortunately we have kids together and hes put them in the middle. He apologizes over and over, but ... yes so dry! So emotionless. Empty. Makes me feel gross, and then he wants to kiss me? Yuck! Very monotone in what he says. These apologies are after I called him out on being a narc and listed all the things hes done. Some he denied, some he couldn't remember, ... sure... But now he sees hes been wrong and I'm so sorry. I really want to fix this. I told u, u would be the last 1 I marry. It's all my fault, and it's ok if u never love me again

@shewho333 4 года назад

A true apology includes changed behavior.

@CosmicHazeTarot1111 4 года назад

Mine said sorry once in 13 years, it went like this, Im sorry youre upset but Im not sorry for what happened because it had to be that way!! When I found out about his last affair with a married woman and spoke to the womans husband, his reply I can never trust you again, I suppose you want me gone, I suppose you want me dead! Says it all really doesnt it!

@etchersplace 3 года назад

This is no joke! I've been married to one for 12 years, and just figured it out in the last few months. I feel so betrayed but I'm also onto him. I'm leaving this week and going home to my family where I am loved, not where I'm utilized and controlled. I'm done.

@etchersplace 3 года назад

@fooloof yes! I couldn't be happier!!

@SunnyBeetle1922 3 года назад

@@etchersplace best news al day... so glad you escaped ☺️🙏🏽💯💯

@etchersplace 3 года назад

@@SunnyBeetle1922 thank you!

@SunnyBeetle1922 3 года назад

@@etchersplace you’re so welcome. Now is your time to enjoy life.💛💛💛☀️🌈☀️🌈☀️

@Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад

Narcissist rage eyes are scary but that’s how I finally saw the mask fall off

@Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад

@Jon Smith Yeah you’re right that’s so true

@yawnamousaj7856 3 года назад

Same.

@ezpz868 3 года назад

Dude seriouslyyyyyyy!! The rage eyes made me think omg he's gonna die of a heart attack by his own fault

@yawnamousaj7856 3 года назад

@@ezpz868 I thought mine would kill/hurt me 😅 now I just know how to verbally navigate carefully to still stand my ground and not have to see those eyes. Lol

@Konfide4043 3 года назад

What I saw was the eyes of a predator. They looked so hungry. I had never heard of a narcissist. In hindsight I feel so stupid for sticking around

@redsquirrel1086 3 года назад

Coverts are superb actors. Mine deserved an Academy award. Initially she came across as shy, socially awkward and quite vulnerable, but it was an act. She quickly and accurately recognised that I was an empath and proceeded to emotionally dismantle me until I became a complete nervous wreck. I wish I knew then what I know now. I never realised these creatures existed until becoming entangled with one.

@redsquirrel1086 3 года назад

@Carol Mizelle I wish you well too. ♥️.

@timwalker4664 3 года назад

Same here

@jonsouthall7692 3 года назад

Sounds so familiar...

@saetae9208 3 года назад

Yes, creatures!

@juleso9797 3 года назад

Same here, she was an in law who twisted everything I did and said to make me look bad, and her the victim. Viscious , dangerous people like this can cause so much damage, best to cut ties completely!.

@lwontherez7927 4 года назад

Also, if you’ve been emotionally abused by a narcissist for many years, After the discard phase and you have come to yourself….You may find that your own ability to empathize has been impaired due to years of lack of emotional support.

@cynthiakranz1033 3 года назад

I'm glad you said this. It's what I'm experiencing. Lack of emotional support is very damaging.

@weedlady9851 3 года назад

6 years with a very smart convert narc , and I still cry when I see videos on tik tok with poor people or sick ones . He couldn’t with my big heart , I’m so happy to know that I’m a good person , I really don’t want nothing from life , I just wanna be that good person forever .

@maryfreegirl2029 3 года назад

that's very much me, the worst parts are when i can _feel_ how the person is feeling but don't know how to act because i was never taught how to react to those emotions it's so frustrating, idk if it happens to somebody else :|

@lisa.hennessey19 3 года назад

This is where I'm now. Im still in the process of leaving but I have literally sbit down so much I am numb and no longer really have the ability to cry. I sometimes do but I used to be the kind of person who wore mt heart on mt sleeve and was very emotional. Id cry when happy or sad and now I just feel nothing.

@lauratheexplorer6390 3 года назад

Narcissists corrupt our empathy so we care less over time H.G Tudor said...

@robertlynn8802 3 года назад

I just did a final break up with someone I loved the most. She had all of those traits. Sad. Now I have to figure life out again

@stonedbunny5721 3 года назад

Just found out she's most likely a covert N. I knew something wasn't right and what a talented liar she is. All 11 traits & #12 user posted ALWAYS VICTIM Check! I guess her cell phone wasn't stolen (as she stated) at gunpoint while the assailant made her type in her pin code so the 2 gunmen could then give the phone to her ex boyfriend who then proceed to post all kinds of inflammatory stuff on her FB & told me they were in a 2 month affair while I was away and he snatched it while she was with him.

@almabyars6614 4 месяца назад

Well, Don't talk feelings with them!

@hardrok312 3 года назад

I noticed that there was something off with my ex when he said that he doesn't need me that he only wants me.... Yeah... Just run.

@mrwest8967 4 года назад

Basically the lights are on but nobody's home.

@J-Rc 4 года назад

Hilarious - covert Nex always kept a light on when he wasn’t home 😂

@Loveistheanswer8 3 года назад

Right something just doesn’t click no matter how hard they try to make it click.

@beebeerodriguez3801 3 года назад

So perfect

@margaritales9972 3 года назад

There *is* somebody home: a hateful destructive person.

@saramayaempireproductions8690 3 года назад

@@J-Rc or some people are blind af and trip on everything when they open the door 😂😂 not enough proof pick a new one .

@siirifani4ever 4 года назад

Narcissistic apology is self-centered. The goal then is not to make the other person feel better and to attend to their feelings, but to make them pity you, to make it all about you again.

@floppa_meme Месяц назад

Yes exactly!!!!

@chocolatesmyjam8480 3 года назад

I used to be really close with my mother in law when I first met her... She had portrayed herself as a compassionate, caring, generous person, and in doing so, successfully deceived me. I would get little glimpses of her true self from time to time but always gave her the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't until I realized that she had a very "selective memory" when it came to details I've told her about my personal life... She never seemed to remember the stories I've told her that were "good" or "neutral"... But somehow she would always remember the bad, or embarrassing stories I've shared with her about me. She would use that information as ammo for future arguments or trying to turn people against me. They are some of the most scariest people I have come across because it is literally a wolf in sheeps clothing... I am even less trusting of people now

@ladybird8375 3 года назад

These people don,t have empathy because they don’t have a concious. Even when they know you are hurt, they just don’t care, they go continue like nothing has happened.

@jenniferwasinski3675 4 года назад

When my husband found out I had it figured out he started watching videos about this and is now trying to convince me I am the one with the problem. Typical huh

@jenniferwasinski3675 4 года назад

@@user-2911 I understand you pray for some kind of justice. You survived ❤. I'm still trying to leave, wish me luck. I know you know how hard it is. Best thoughts ❤

@jenniferwasinski3675 4 года назад

@@user-2911 Thank you for your reply. You're on point. Thank you for the spiritual uplifting ❤. Enjoy life and be happy

@dessertcactus 4 года назад

This happened to someone I know as well. Seems to be a common trait, good on you for not giving into it

@Jemmainadilemma 4 года назад

Best of luck, I hope you figure your way through this and find happiness :)

@lesnash6953 4 года назад

My exwife did that too

@LG-vh2gs 4 года назад

My previous relationship was like 10 out of 11. You forgot to mention Walking on eggshells. :)

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

Great point! I did talk about that in one recent video... maybe signs you're dating a covert narcissist 🤔 But it's definitely relevant here too! Thanks for your comment! 🙏❤

@SLP8041 4 года назад

Oh YES. I remember feeling exactly like that! Very stressful.

@rsosa312 4 года назад

9 out if 11 for me. Out of 12 adding in the eggshells point.

@Swakara1 4 года назад

"Walking on eggshells" yup, you're absolutely right. They sure can dish it out but they can't take it if you point out an irritating habit, even in a diplomatic way; it rattles their grandiose self-image. They will try to justify themselves with all kinds of logical explanations as to why they are behaving like that and also project their flaws onto you implying that YOU are like them too.

@summerwinter4 4 года назад

Lawrence Gonzales that’s a BIG one!

@phantomwatcher8170 3 года назад

My experience is they always play the victim. Now when I hear someone say this raises an eyebrow and flag. Relationships, employment, etc. Never ever taking responsibility for their wrongs. Always players can’t stick with one person. Always have a harem garage full of others oh and let’s not forget... chronic liars. Lesson learned hard. Lesson well learned

@rosemarie7816 3 года назад

I have kind of a strange one. I'm in a relationship with someone that I suspect is a covert narcissist. What is strange about the feelings and empathy is...he cries easily watching a movie or any other emotional show on TV, but he shows no empathy if I am in physical pain or emotional pain. He can seriously turn his back on me if I am upset and crying trying to talk to him and just go to sleep and sleep all night like a baby. When I am in physical pain or have an upsetting event like one time my tooth broke out in an area that was visible and i was so embarrassed and upset. He barely even responds to it. Often when i talk to him, he acts like he doesn't hear me...even if he's sitting right beside me, he just sits in stony silence and i have to ask him if he heard me. Then when he says he did, I say, why didn't you act like you did. He'll say, I didn't know what to say...i feel like I'm crazy for feeling like I have to explain that usually just a mmm...or looking at the person is an expected response.

@stephanielinda3771 3 года назад

He sounds terrible. Leave him asap. I'm sorry you're dealing w that

@lauratheexplorer6390 3 года назад

That’s awful, you don’t deserve that kind of shit treatment.

@amyjones4362 3 года назад

My partner is like this (especially feeling emotions for TV and inanimate objects but not me) and he is diagnosed Autistic. Life got easier post diagnosis. I'm not diagnosing your partner! It's just something you might want to look into/seek. Whatever that behaviour is the result of, it is VERY difficult to exist with. Loves to you x

@scp1234 3 года назад

Been in a similar situation to exactly this. Get out of it

@25dom62 3 года назад

It could be dissociation, but after watching this video I'm worried about my situation myself.

@thearchive8687 4 года назад

I feel drained.

@bronwyntanner4501 4 года назад

I spent 14 years of marriage completely drained. Couldn't work out why I needed to sleep so much - and never felt rested!

@anauxistential8486 4 года назад

Exhausted, tired and worn out.#smh

@Jessica_BR 4 года назад

I feel it deeply

@santoparfano1910 4 года назад

I hear you bro. I'm exhausted and on year 25 of this nonsense. If I dont bail soon I'm genuinely afraid the stress from my marriage will destroy my health. Take care..

@eternitywithjesus777 4 года назад

Get out now

@msileanacrist 4 года назад

My ex was a covert narcissist. He made me feel like I was always insecure I was never his priority.He would tell me he loved me but his actions never reflected it. I fell head over heals in love which was the lovebombing phase as explained. He isolated me from my family and turned me against them. Thinking it was my own thoughts and idea, the you and me against the world mentality if you will... My parents and siblings could see the affect he had on me. I wasnt happy go lucky like I was before him. I felt like there was always a cloud over me and didnt know why. My happiness always felt sucked out of me. I stopped talking to my friends and doing the things I loved... I remember my moment of clarity and felt like I needed to get out. It felt like I woke up from a spell, like an aha moment.

@Monique2631 3 года назад

This...this is what I'd like to feel.

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

Yes, they are energy suckers. Since everything revolves around them and their need for supply, you are left exhausted

@donnadunn2539 3 года назад

@@naomiaustin3560 don't buy into any story where he can turn your family against you... trust your gut...you know your family not loser

@bloodlily244 3 года назад

But im scared to leave i love him more than anything

@bloodlily244 3 года назад

He makes me want to kill myself but i love him so much

@Laughing_Lunatic 3 года назад

I knew I was going through it when I cried 8 minutes into this video. I haven’t cried in a couple years. This hit home again and I’m so grateful for these videos. I’m a co dependent BPD survivor who can’t leave narcissts alone but these videos give me life.

@devikabhat2615 3 года назад

God, I feel so happy because all these 5 years I thought I was overthinking and blamed myself.

@alexandraki 4 года назад

Justifying their behaviour is often done by playing the victim. Mine told me right from the start that she had an extremely traumatic childhood (emotional abuse, violent alcoholic father, being abandoned etc...) which made me give her second chances all the time! She didn’t have to justify her bad behaviour I did it for her! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Also they are extremely jealous of others...resentful too.

@nh55871 4 года назад

Very true! I've lived with a malignant textbook covert narc for 23 years and he's ALWAYS either acting sick or playing victim to better manipulate people. He knows as long he plays victim and helpless people don't see him as a threat

@indiana_holmes 4 года назад

Sounds exactly like my ex

@MsAnchovey 4 года назад

@@nh55871Wow 23 years! I hope you're away from him now♡

@AmbyJeans 4 года назад

Same! I grew up with her and knew her family, the abuse was one thing she actually didn't lie about. Since I knew what she'd been through, I let her get away with everything.

@MsAnchovey 4 года назад

@@favouritecat Yes, no doubt they were abused, but no matter, it's STILL NOT an excuse for them to be abusive or to stay with an abuser. Regardless, the partner can forgive only so much, but unless the abuser takes deliberate steps to get addiction counseling (just like an alcoholic gets counseling and a stint in a rehab) the abused must get away and go No Contact. Narcs themselves are solely responsible for getting help/counseling for AS LONG AS IT TAKES to get get better. PERIOD. If they don't then they don't and they'll just have to pay the consequences just like all of us have to pay the consequences of our addictions and things that happen to us in life. NPD addiction in a nutshell is they're love addicts. They've got to have it yet at the same time they sabotage and ruin it for themselves.

@dhirenshah3 4 года назад

11 signs to recognise a covert narcissist : 1. Intense soulmate connection 2. "Something is a little bit off" - Gut feeling 3. Cognitive Dissonance 4. Intense need to win, never apologising 5. Expert in justifying bad behavior 6. Insecure Feelings 7. Disproportionate rage or anger 8. Gaslighting 9. Lack of empathy 10. Lack of whole object relations 11. Insecure when apart

@bethhough5682 4 года назад

Dihren, number 12 Triangulation

@blackdiamond8 4 года назад

A million thanks!

@worriedbby7933 4 года назад

oh my god, that describes my terrible ex exactly!

@si6046 4 года назад

Got all 11 for my ex! Omg what an eye opener 🤦‍♀️

@hauntedwhispers8187 4 года назад

Oh I've been apologized to but he was laughing while he did it.

@beebeerodriguez3801 3 года назад

The object constancy just explained everything about the break-up. I couldn't put it into words but yes. Unless I'm in front of him, i didn't exist. Amazing. Thank you.

@BadWobot 3 года назад

I was friends with a covert narcissist for a long time. Things were great at the beginning, we had a lot in common. The love bombing was very strong. "You're the only friend I never fight with" was a manipulation tactic, to convince me I'm not like anyone else. To convince me to never argue with her. When I started making other friends outside of her circle of friends, she got jealous and started gaslighting me to isolate me. Cried if i didn't invite her to every single thing i wss doing, guilt tripped me for setting boundaries, sabotaged my plans with other people. I cut her out of my life and god it was a huge relief

@user-wm4je4ct8y 4 года назад

They latch onto you like a leech from day one. They are always there, always texting, calling, continuously. They want a close intense relationship immediately, and it's not always a romantic relationship they want, it's a seduction that's aggressive in some way and can be seen as just friendly, but aggressive and constant.

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

Definitely aggressive in forcing that connection. It's almost as though they think you'll run if you actually have time to get to know them like in a normal relationship 🤔

@cymbolichuman433 4 года назад

Run... do like she says

@Flutterbyby 4 года назад

Yes, like in appropriately personal on first day/week at work (new colleague)! Nice in public but starts putting m down in private! Aggressively wanting 1 on 1 lunches & standing way to close to me at work in the love bomb phase.

@liennguyen-ho2ln 4 года назад

My bf often get mad when I voice my opinion that opposed to his. He made it up that I was attacking him when we simply disagree. This happened quite often. Thanks this video is very helpful.

@abigail7083 3 года назад

Yep, your disagreements are a sign of attacking them

@maddyL1234 3 года назад

Thats Exactly the word they use as in "why are you attacking me?" If you want to discuss something.

@davidanderson8325 3 года назад

My soon to be ex wife would say I was belittling her if I didn’t agree with her or would be accused of “not having her back”

@siniviitanen7759 3 года назад

@@maddyL1234 100%

@SunnyBeetle1922 3 года назад

When I had a disagreement with a narc she got all her friends to write abusive messages on every social media account I had even after blocking g, they found me and stalked me. They accused me of having schizophrenia because I didn’t agree with what the narc said🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

@venaeprincess656 2 года назад

OH MY GOD. This is freaky. Especially the last point about object permanence. He literally said until I live with him under the same roof we’re not in a real relationship. Thank you so, so much for making these it’s really helping me process the hurt he caused me. I thought I was going crazy. ❤️

@lorangeamere2435 3 года назад

When someone says "YOU pushed ME to do it / say it" .... RUUUUUUUUUUUUN

@yoimpretty 4 года назад

They be in competition with you or have some jealousy 😖🥴

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

Yes, mine did, to the point that he attempted to steal my son's sneakers or show no interest when I went shopping, or the congrats where always fake, you can sense it. If I was on vacation, I would receive nasty messages, it was all because he was not there. He was not reaping the benefits of being with me.

@yoimpretty 3 года назад

Naomi Austin the worst!! I hope you left that’s just so toxic! Stole your sons shoes!? Oh no 😭

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

@@yoimpretty I have left and trying to completely disconnect myself. Currently he lives very close to me, but I am recovering..thank you..yes just toxic and jealous.

@yoimpretty 3 года назад

@@naomiaustin3560 you got this! You deserve better! No one deserves to be treated like that. You will recover completely ❤️

@naomiaustin3560 3 года назад

@@yoimpretty yes I left, just a very insecure and jealous person inside. Between the thousands behind in his own child support, criminal record, credit issues, he can pretend which he is pretty good at, and they all are, the hate and nastiness came from my exposure to his family of who he really was, no one had done that, so he was able to carry on the false sense of self and make everyone else the bad guy.

@christinehaigh9807 4 года назад

They blow up quickly about anything.

@hannahscott6604 4 года назад

Or they stonewall because you having an outburst and them just being there gives them power

@marysunshine4730 4 года назад

Yep toilet paper put on wrong, cabinet door left open.

@princetonshot 4 года назад

Yup. Mine freaked out on me and started kicking the trash can after I lifted the lid to throw something out instead of using the little foot thing to open it. He was so controlling it was insane.

@alexandriautumn 4 года назад

Yup. My ex flipped his lid because I wasn't chopping the onion correctly. And one time while I was staying over at his house and he was at work, I decided to tidy up his kitchen just to be nice. Didn't say thank you at all. His response was, "I didn't ask you to clean it, so why would I say thank you??" WhAT.....? The mind of a narcissist. I will never understand.

@haleydoe2279 4 года назад

My ex started a fight with me for wanting to knit. On my off time. In my own home.

@youarebeloved 2 года назад

The love bombing stage hit me hard. I was so drawn to him for reasons I may never know, and he knew that. He knew all about my dreams and desires (travel, have a family, live on a farm, etc ) and he promised me everything. His actions never aligned with his words. It was months of him chasing (we live in different states) until we finally had just a few dates. He would say that if we lived in the same state we would be married already but never fully committed and continued to play victim of his trauma with his ex for the reasons behind his issues. I was always confused by the "push/pull" "hot & cold" behavior. He eventually became distant and ghosted me for a bit only to reappear and explain he tried commiting suicide and was dealing with mental health issues. I, like the empath I am, tried to be there for him and dismiss his treatment towards me. He eventually discarded me again and started dating other people but was still contacting me with things that "reminded him of me" but when I would start to do the same he would pull away and say he can't lead me on. We stayed in contact for a bit but he went on to call me crazy for " being in love and obsessed with someone I barely know" when I never even told him I loved him and was simply meeting the energy he would give me at times. I was constantly questioning my sanity and wondering if I was abusive or toxic. He eventually completely discarded me because he said he can't do long-distance. I may never know if he is a true narcissist but I do know I need much healing while I try to clear these cob webs of confusion he spun in my head for too long. I wish everyone great healing and love. ❤‍🩹

@johnmaus4408 9 месяцев назад

Kristina, this is a powerful vid. I was married 34 years to someone who demonstrated many of those characteristics. She is a super intelligent woman and does most things she attepmts well. I was and am proud of that. Unfortunately she was raised by a self centered overt narcissist that scapegoated her. I was empathetic to that and gave allot of space for the behavior that was an enigma. She was nice most of the time although I cannot ever recall her taking ownership for an error and apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I dont recall one time that happening. We argued little but when we did she would mind read and always the tell me how I felt about her and it was always bad. I actually loved her very much but didn't understand that bizzare behavior. On thing this vid answered for me was why we struggled several times when I was away for a period of time. The relationship was in question several times and that gut feeling you described was present. What ended our relationship was her staying with our adult kids in another state. She gaslighted me and many other things. Sad really because deep inside her is a good person. She also seems like a Dismissive Avoident. Anyway good vid

@lexiemaep7930 4 года назад

Two early signs, they say their ex's were boring or crazy. Also, they dont like kissing. They will at first but will stop soon after.

@katemcl1124 4 года назад

Yep, calling all the exes crazy is a big red flag.

@Truseeker76 4 года назад

Lexie Mae why don't they like kissing

@lexiemaep7930 4 года назад

@@Truseeker76 its intimacy, which they hate

@Truseeker76 4 года назад

Lexie Mae makes sense!

@LLisa180 4 года назад

Lexie Mae yep exactly right! They don’t like kissing. Also robotic and mechanical on the sexual side of things. No emotion involved whatsoever

@Booboonancy 4 года назад

Someone once said that after the 3rd WTF moment, you need to pay attention or just plain get out

@1958Shemp 4 года назад

That reminds me of this gem o' wisdom: When someone tells you something about themselves (that WTF moment in particular), believe them.

@alexisrene5854 3 года назад

Can you give an example of a wtf moment?

@Booboonancy 3 года назад

@@alexisrene5854 really, it’s anytime someone says or does something that leaves you puzzled 🤨 or you catch them in a blatant lie.

@alexisrene5854 3 года назад

@@Booboonancy okay thank you for clarifying I want to be able to identify so I can learn from my past mistakes

@sibylleherbe8260 2 года назад

You just described the person I’ve been calling my best friend for 25 years. 10 out of the eleven fit her to a T. I’m kind of in shock. I knew there were issues from the start, I knew she was not a healthy person emotionally, but I did not ever consider covert narcissism to be the problem. I’m not sure where to go from here, except that the relationship is deteriorating. Much food for thought. Thank you.

@scoobysnax8127 2 года назад

Wow, the lack of object permanence makes so much sense in so many situations/relationships I’ve dealt with. In one case, I’d travel frequently for work and always had this weird underlying feeling. I later found out that partner was up to no good, in some form, most times I was away. It really triggered him. In other cases, I’ve been pursued by guys who claim to be happy in their relationship and it’s usually when the partner is not around (at work, on study trips, etc). It’s like they resent their partner for being away, even though they are working/studying etc. Selfish toddlers! Ugh. I’m so done with these worms, but somehow they find a way to squirm into your life. At least now I’m better at stomping it out as soon as I get a whiff of narc stench. Pass the repellent spray.

@jsmith7294 4 года назад

I dealt with a nun who was a covert narcissist. Master manipulator and has half her religious community fooled that she's an absolute saint. It's scary.

@Mike-xt2lh 4 года назад

Word I met a girl who said she could of been a nun she was far from that lol .

@summydots 4 года назад

Same. Knew a woman once who said she so wanted to be a nun. But they didn't let her in. So she married & had a child. Pretences too be the most religious & righteous of all people she ever meets, the only people she has any real respect for are probably the priests. Turns out she was selling to them & sexually molesting her own daughter all these years

@asseyez-vous6492 4 года назад

I have a similar experience but it's a priest who I've discovered who's a covert. I haven't been to mass since, and don't know how I can report it? Coz it's hard to let others know who think they're wonderful, but I've seen through the mask, and feel I have to let at least the bishop know. But I'm afraid I'll be passed off and seen as a cuckoo!

@mitiaoliver9738 4 года назад

That’s her trauma. Someone(s) treated her like that. Let’s pray for her deliverance.

@omills22 4 года назад

What does the other half say/think/do?

@debsabatino311 4 года назад

Definitely all 11. The lack of empathy just kills me. I think they use all of their empathy on themselves, therefore, have nothing left to give.. there's no room left in their brains or hearts to feel for anyone else!

@CommonEgo 4 года назад

The lack of empathy is the most difficult to understand. When you have it, it's near impossible to imagine not having it

@renewyourmind1815 4 года назад

Brilliantly put!

@proudsone2000 4 года назад

@deb sabatino Me too!😔

@CCaravasi 3 года назад

Omfg! Mind blown! 8 years and it's taken this long to come to this revelation! A friend sent me your video! Thank you so much. You've hit the nail on the head! I gotta get a plan and get out!

@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад

CaSandra c,You got a lovely smile 😊!!

@yltnaillirb4438 3 года назад

I noticed that I couldn’t look into his eyes during sex. And if I did I had to look away. Looking into his eyes felt weird. Almost like I was looking at the soul of someone I didn’t recognize even though we’d been together almost 2 years. There was almost an emptiness to them. I never had this problem with my ex.

@courtneyclark2817 2 года назад

Sooo true

@lexilexx1708 2 года назад

Mine refused to look at me during sex. Rarely gave me eye contact at anytime. But when arguing, would demand that I look him in the eye, like a way to hypnotize or manipulate me into believing him. 🤦🏾‍♀️

@MzBentluvsluv 2 года назад

Wow I’ve experienced the same thing

@Not_justamama 2 года назад

Anyone in this comment section ever felt nauseous during sex just about every single time and even threw up sometimes?

@ashleyshotwell3452 2 года назад

I didn't even realize it, but yes this happened to me too! There were a few times, but it was like the feelings (picture like an aura around someone) I was putting out hit a wall somewhere between us, or got sucked in by him, and there was nothing coming from him at all.

@catherinejimenez206 4 года назад

All of them...literally all of them. It is the scariest thing I've had to live through. I have PTSD because of it. Nothing will stop them

@alexap.4816 4 года назад

Don't forget trying to act like a hero to everyone, buying people things and helping them with things especially when OTHER PEOPLE ARE WATCHING, just to get the affirmation and validation--the 'You're an amazing person!' etc. compliments, and proof for their inner broken selves that they're good. Yes, a narc doesn't really do anything for others out of compassion and selflessness. It always circles back to them trying to prove they are the BEST friend in their circle, the BEST person in the neighborhood or work place...this can even go as far as a narc crying over world disasters in front of their 'audience' or donating to charity and then posting about it for validation on social, etc.

@phoenixmode6909 4 года назад

Mine is doing that right now. Even though I called it quits after 36 yrs, went out and got a crap job so I could find an apartment asap (once I'm out, I'll have time to find a better job) , he is giving me my space, we keep a wide berth away from each other. (Due to COVID & my initial lack of $ & job, we are separated under same roof). He is constantly trying to "help me" get on my feet, offered to give me money to put down on apartment once I find one, I need better shoes for work, he wants to buy them for me (motivated really by, it's a BOGO thing and he wants a new pair), gave me the car and wants to put it in my name (everything incl our house has been in his name for years, i never thought I would leave, neither did he.) He is being nicer now that he knows I am really leaving and done this time. Why couldn't ha have been as kind and generous when I was giving my all to the relationship?

@jidablog 3 года назад

Absolutely! Covert Hex is such a hero in his town. Everybody “loves” him, jus throwing money to every problem and being always the “savior”, while totally emotionally neglecting and abandoning his wife and kid.

@solidstate9451 3 года назад

Several hundred people attended the funeral of my mother. When I was the only person around me, she never said anything nice about even one of them. But: She never said nice things about me, either.

@sheenaj1671 3 года назад

@@phoenixmode6909 Watch out he's trying to love bomb you again so you won't leave him. Don't do it it's a trap.

@phoenixmode6909 3 года назад

sheena J It's all good! I let him pay. Didn't care. He owes me. Wait'll he sees the marital settlement agreement I'm drafting. I moved out, filed for divorce in 9/11( also was two days after his birthday.) They finally caught him home to serve the papers. He called immediately the next day. Guess he underestimated me. Haven't heard from him since. Nice to have some silence, but a bit unnerving, not knowing what he's up to. The courthouse says he hasn't responded yet. He has another 2 weeks to respond to the summons, and the clerk said if he doesn't, they'll notify the judge.

@georgemallory797 2 года назад

I'm with one. She started early on trying to tell me she thought I was a narcissist. I started seeing signs that she was actually the narcissist. She said her ex was labelled as a narc by her therapist and that a common defense among narcissists is to call the other person a narc. It's left me feeling like I might actually be one all these years and worried about it. I'm finally keying into the possibility that SHE is actually the narcissist. It's been a rough go. All I know is she can never apologize or be happy for me. She never tries to be supportive or encouraging for anything I try to accomplish. It wasn't until reading these comments that the fact that she's never looked me in the eye during sex is not right. She gaslighted me last year for 3 months when I suspected she was spending time with another man. I found out I was right AFTER she spent 9 days with me in Florida. I just started seeing these videos today out of the clear blue in my recommendations. This is a sign. I'm sad and disturbed.

@KaranBali108 3 года назад

Oh my God I just went through the Narcissists Discard and for days couldnt figure out what happened. Every point has been checking off point by point and in the end when I told her I missed the girl who once cried for me when I was vulnerable she replied "Do you hear yourself? You want someone to be unhappy with you?" Wow. You just blew my mind and gave me the closure I needed. Up to this point I was blaming myself and being extra hard on myself.

@toneman335 4 года назад

Ever take notice how empty and boring most Narcs are? This is especially true with a covert female Narc!

@trinathompson5656 3 года назад

Very boring and self absorbed

@damianreid2452 3 года назад

Moreover, have you ever noticed how self absorption and self awareness in a person are traits which always seem to exist in inverse proportion to one another?

@Loveistheanswer8 3 года назад

The most boring nothing deep about them. Generic conversations are constant.

@exovit6348 3 года назад

i suspect my ex was a narcissist and he was very interesting and smart. i enjoyed talking to him. he left me because of my bpd and i havent been able to get over him hoping we can work things out soon.

@donnadunn2539 3 года назад

@@exovit6348 they feel bored because they are empty and unable to create a sense of their own worth...dump him ...not worth it a complete loser...move on

@vampireslayer1989 4 года назад

I do not "suspect ", I know. The only thing worse than a passive aggressive covert narcissist or BPD, is being a unaware codependent. You must listen to your gut. Love your vids and presentation.

@recovered4life 4 года назад

TOTALLY.

@marshasanmiguelmabcbalba973 4 года назад

Yesssss!!!!

@clintonnagy1662 2 месяца назад

My ex was BPD and a narcisstic. She hated when I ate all the food from my plate. She told me it made her look bad. Like she never feeds me at home especially when we were at a restaurant. She worried about her image all the time. I told her to find someone else she can manipulate. It's so petty.

@maragiovanni4234 3 года назад

It's insane how they desperately expect us to constantly pamper them and reinforce their entire existence and yet they treat us like shit. Which totally explains why my Narc is so wasteful and doesn't take care of ANY of his belongings. He's always breaking stuff, very careless and messy. Hmm 💭

@troimusic 2 года назад

The difficult thing about cover narcissism is that some of the traits mimic autism. So it can be difficult to tell whether you are dealing with an autistic who has been misunderstood and traumatized by social interactions for most of their life or a covert narcissist. As an autistic person myself I traumabonded with someone I now realize to be a narcissist because their traits mimiced some of mine. Things like lack of object permanence and lack of emotional empathy - those are common among autistic people. It really is important to have the sum of these parts, I found it really helpful to hear about the feeling insecure, gaslighting, future faking and hoovering, to really add up the sum to be sure.

@jakedriver7453 2 года назад

Autistic people lack cognitive empathy, not emotional empathy.

@SRWJ Год назад

Fellow neurodivergent (adhd/asd) 🙋🏼‍♀️ I'm only just learning about narcissism and cluster b personality disorders, I'm learning and researching due to a new relationship. It's been so hard for me to distinguish Autistic/adhd traits from narcissism because of how similar they are. I also saw certain traits in my partner and believed their current bpd diagnosis could be a misdiagnosis and they're actually asd (he has distanced himself from the bpd diagnosis and this gave me even more reason to think it may be misdiagnosed). Also like you, hearing other actions and behaviours helps me see that he is not asd and I'm not narcissistic. It can be so confusing though 🤯

@VeronicaMonet Год назад

For me, the gaslighting and zero accountability are my clues that narcissism is at play

@bicho.cosmico Год назад

For me, If the person makes me feel bad is because there's something wrong. Sometimes we wont have the diagnose, but we have the certainty that the person is not a good companion for us in life.

@GaslightingIsEvil 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for this because I've noticed that people throw around the term but they are just wrongly labelling and bullying autistic people I was one of them and ironically they are the ones not to have remorse or empathy

@bookworm8792 4 года назад

"Tell me exactly what you know about me supposedly cheating and I'll explain how those things are wrong." Literally wanted me to give him a map of how to lie to me 😂

@recovered4life 4 года назад

I never thought of it that way!!!

@user-ot6eb2tg4z 4 года назад

LMFAO

@mysterylady5995 4 года назад

Exactly its listening to that kind of insanity

@missTmntntops 3 года назад

Its like they want to know exact details so they can think of ways to disprove them because they're always right.

@clintonnagy1662 2 месяца назад

Narc thinks that oral, anal, kissing, fondling, or massaging isn't cheating. Anything besides the act of a penis in the vagina isn't sex. It's really disturbing. I argued this disagreement so loud, I lost my voice and realized I was arguing with a mental case. I had to leave the relationship. I can't do narcs anymore. Nope, moving on.

@rebeccapaulk11 4 года назад

You nailed all 11 characteristics. Each time you hit a bullet point, I had an Ahha moment. I have spent most of my life working to make this marriage work; now I realize that it has only been an exhausting game that will never end.

@raekelseykimbrough2171 2 года назад

I'm in the same place😢

@harryjezreel1653 2 года назад

RUN but quietly if you haven't already. It's not worth it. Life's way too short. Other than that, wishing you all the best.

@stepans2167 2 года назад

I'm so sorry

@raynbillson2601 6 месяцев назад

8 years... within the first few months there were signs.. now that Ive been discarded im educating myself and this video literally checks EVERY single box. My body and mind are a mess.

@moonie7155 3 года назад

Thank you for teaching me about lack of object constancy!! I thought I was going insane with how my ex treated me when we weren’t together. I recently just broke up with him because he literally treated me like just a friend or an acquaintance when we would text and not be physically together. He wouldn’t want to spend time with me via phone calls or video games and instead would spend all his time watching tv at his place like I didn’t even matter. But then in person he would act all lovey dovey and like I was his gf again. He rarely thought of me when we weren’t together, would go hours or a full day not talking to me, never surprised me, or bought me anything just because he was thinking of me. So many red flags but I’m such a super empath I really tried giving him the benefit of the doubt.

@milliebro Год назад

Wow your description completely describes my recent ex as well. So spooky. Thank you for sharing!

@rainbows.and.butterflies Год назад

Yeah Wow! Mine claimed to spend all his free time with me. Yet I never saw him. He was home by himself every night and I live 9 minutes away. We even tried starting over and he canceled on our first two dates and understand why I would be upset we have plans made and I’d be so excited and something stupid would come up and he would cancel like I had absolutely no priority whatsoever in his life.

@moonie7155 Год назад

@@rainbows.and.butterflies omg YES!! My ex would say the same about how much time he spent with me but in reality I saw him maybe once or twice every week or two. He only lived 30 minutes away. He would always say that he devoted all his free time to me and that he needed to focus on work… but then just wouldn’t talk to me most of the day or anything. It was so confusing and I once even confronted him and asked if he was cheating on me and he said “when would I even have time to do that?” Who the hell answers that question like that????

@93Jubilee 4 года назад

After decades of mistreatment (to put it mildly) at the hands of my older sister, I finally realized that she suffers from deep narcissism. After a few more years (!), I finally realized the next step to freeing myself was forgiving her. It was practically impossible (she had turned other family members against me out of her own jealousy), until one day I glanced at an old family photograph. What I saw there was one happy little five year old (which was me) and a miserable-looking, sad little seven year old. It broke my heart. And the forgiveness poured in. I don't know what caused her unhappiness, but it was palpable in that photograph and now, as we've both aged, it's visible in her facial lines. If you can forgive, it is the best path to healing. And it may even help them to heal a little. It's almost as if she is missing a limb or has some physical impairment, but is totally unaware of it.

@kathi9026 3 года назад

Narcissism creates more narcissism... Maybe think about ways your Patents treted her wrong you didn't realise

@lexilexx1708 2 года назад

Exactly the same! Even the age difference. I've tried to give many chances, but even as adults, the toxicity is extreme. Family has a perception of me based on rumors she's spread. I Feel sorry for her really...and my neices. But I recently realized that I can't have her in my life. It's too unhealthy for me. 😔

@tammiepascual8311 Год назад

I agree 100% regarding forgiving, but I do think it is in your best interest or anyone’s best interest not to live with the person you have forgiven as they will continue to hurt. The distance will help.

@coheedfan1012 4 года назад

The recent narcs I've interacted with have made negative comments about my apartment, clothing and lack of wealth. These comments were made early in the interactions, and I was too shocked to respond appropriately. I can't believe I allowed such rude comments and behavior to go unchecked, and I still hung out with them, pathetic. No more though. Next narc will be tossed to the curb after the first insult--zero tolerance.

@user-ot6eb2tg4z 4 года назад

if its a lot, recent, and they talked about common things maybe all those people weren't narcs but just being honest 🤣

@socialitarobotica 3 года назад

This explanation of black and white thinking where the person is unable to separate good from bad is really helpful thank you.

@MelissaRonda10 3 года назад

This is the best covert narcissist video I’ve seen. Thank you so much for sharing this.

@FaithfulandTrue949 4 года назад

Sweet mean cycle, there's always strings attached to gifts.

@nakitapalmer656 3 года назад

OMG...YES!!!

@mackynzeedeere3735 3 года назад

Omg yes! He felt like he wasn’t appreciated because he got me gifts and things in the beginning and I always said thank you I was grateful but since I didn’t get him any gifts back he didn’t feel appreciated....

@blgallas 3 года назад

I always told my ex, I’m not for sale. I don’t want gifts, I just want you to be nice to me.

@junebeasley802 4 года назад

He asked me to marry him 3 months into starting the relationship. Love BOMBED me to death. THIS VIDEO IS ON POINT. MY SECOND RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE. THEY ARE VERY SICK HUMAN BEINGS. THE TOXICITY AND STRESS THEY BRING TO YOUR LIFE IS (ABUSIVE ) BUT U OVERLOOK IT, BECAUSE U THEN GET THIS UNNERVING. PLAIN AND SIMPLE EMOTIONAL ABUSIVE. DISTANCE YOURSELF, PRAY WITHOUT CEASING AND MOST OF ALL DISTANCE YOURSELF PLEASE !

@ServantStatusMinistries 3 года назад

June Beasley I’m glad you say pray because otherwise they don’t even see how they are and are the first to call you the narcissist

@clintonnagy1662 2 месяца назад

Amen. I had a constant tightness in my chest from anxiety. I kept telling myself something is wrong and let this girl go. I finally walked away from that bitch, and the tightness went away. Amazing !!I'm happy I made the change. Time to get my life back and be free. Thank you lord Jesus for pulling me out of hell.

@suegarand5325 2 года назад

All 11. It’s so nice to know that someone understands

@RichD2024 Год назад

I didn't know about that 11th thing but it makes perfect sense. My narc ex, when she discarded me the first time, she had gone to visit her mother out of the country. When she left I dropped her off at the airport and she was so affectionate. She said, "I miss you already", "I don't know what I'm going to do a whole week without you ". When she came back, she was a totally different person. It's like they kidnapped my girlfriend and replaced her with an evil twin. She said she didn't love me, didn't want to be with me because when she was with her mom she didn't miss me, she said she didn't even think about me. This was as drastic a difference as you can get from the person she was before the trip. Anyhow, thanks for the great video. Further confirms that I 100% was dealing with a covert narcissist. She had all 11 traits you described.

@emilycunningham8125 4 года назад

These monsters are anything but human, as you described them. They are creatures who have no empathy or remorse and know exactly what they are doing. No excuses for them.

@clintonnagy1662 2 месяца назад

It's sad when the narc has a child. They begin to act just like them. Growing into a demon without morals.😢

@tomobedlam9045 4 года назад

One year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing starts...) MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven... MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...) MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring... MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also)... MONTH nine : lying clearly shows... MONTH ten : Frustration sets in... MONTH eleven : Everything is my fault... MONTH twelve : I left her for good, NO contact at all, PERIOD MONTH thirteen : MONTH fourteen : Her; closure letter mailed to me. Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, DO NOT RESPOND.

@dawna4185 4 года назад

awesome!!!!!!

@AmbyJeans 4 года назад

Congratulations on not going back! I wish I could say the same. They are exhausting creatures 😒

@dawna4185 4 года назад

@@AmbyJeans don't beat yourself up...when we go back it just means we have some more lessons to learn about ourselves...delve deep into why you go back. when you discover this, you can then work on it and get to a point where your love for self is so strong that tolerating ANY form or degree of abuse from ANYONE will NEVER be acceptable!! xo

@yabe1496 4 года назад

Great description!, they seem to have the same script behavior.

@dieseldejavu 4 года назад

Ralph perfect description. Mine was same except masked slipped in month 7.

@catladyjai1113 3 года назад

Amazing info. I still have so much to learn and I realize I wasn't ready to date. All those times I thought I was being rejected but I was being protected from narcissists and people with bad intentions for me. I am so grateful for that!

@amyreneetaylor8920 3 года назад

I love how you jumped right into your message! Thank you for being so concise!

@kumaridesilva3992 4 года назад

"apologize but then do it again and again and again" - wow, that was my ex-husband for sure. I wondered at the end why he even married me when he so obviously did not like even the most basic things about my personality. I now realize he didn't know anything about me really, was attracted to me based solely on looks and then felt angry and frustrated by my behavior. . .he was so mad my idealized looks didn't match my personality

@CookieMonster-rb2fn 4 года назад

yep mine too

@Elizabeth84517 4 года назад

Amen. The only thing my ex didn’t say anything negative about was my looks, but he wanted me to not wear makeup, made comments about how I dressed, which wasn’t inappropriate at all, and I believe it was because he was so insecure he didn’t want me to leave, and thought if I looked good someone would steal me from him. I told him over and over I wouldn’t leave. Ironically it was him who pushed me away with the emotional abuse and terrible verbal tirades

@kwalla2429 4 года назад

The empathy issue is sooo hard to detect, but I've learned it feels as though the other person is operating from a relationship "manual" instead of acting out of their feelings. They actually have to think "what is the right response?" This is a great video. Thank you for this.

@FruityHachi 3 года назад

yep they say things what they think people want to hear, but they don’t mean any of it

@somethingbambi875 3 года назад

When you nearly take your own life and end up in the hosptial and then hear that it's not your right to feel bad, you should say sorry to them for your behavior... then you should know. But you don't, 6 years later is when you see things more clearly. And you are the one living with all the scars. I can see clearly now... And it bloody hurts. I am addicted not having empathy now... It's sad

@terrbear1866 3 года назад

Mine actually admitted he had to check the response of everyone in the room to know how to respond accurately.

@michaelcliffe562 Год назад

Yes! Thats so true. And if they don't have a response in their data base, they just gawk at you with a blank stare like an android that is being rebooted, until you ask them whether anyone is home up there. But there never is.

@rosannacharves2764 3 года назад

Thank you so much. You hit home on so many things. I am truly saddened. All these years and I finally have a name for all the actions and situations in my marriage.

@teem9811 3 года назад

I finally know what I’m dealing with. Thank you so much for this video.

@thebealers2102 4 года назад

I'd like to share some things real quick based around cheating specifically. 1) Yes, you don't exist when you are not around. They cheat by saying to their affair partner that you have "just grown apart" while you are at home teaching/taking care of the kids and telling them that you love them and they are beautiful nearly every day. Irrelevant to them. Your emotional currency is not valid to them anymore. 2) They gaslight all the damn time and make you question your reality through empty truth. They will say I was at the gym or shopping or whatever...which they were...in addition to screwing their side piece. Makes it hard to catch. 3)Lastly, DON'T HATE THE AFFAIR PARTNER! It doesn't help. Vengeance is futile and the healthiest perspective is to think of them as "next." They are pawns, don't be one. Move on, you're better than this shit.

@phoenixmode6909 4 года назад

Thanks. Wish I'd been told this 22 years ago, I was that woman at home with the three little kids. I was too scared to leave, and church counseling told him to stop it and me to forgive and "be a more biblical wife". 🤨 Here we are 22 years later. I've woken up, I'm healing my own issues and ditching baggage, and he as never changed. I don't even care if he's cheated again since then. Just don't know, don't care. I've learned enough now and become strong enough that I know who I am and what I want for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, he is no longer part of that vision. I accept that he is who he is, has no desire or sees no reason to change and work on his own issues, and my acceptance is all he gets. My tolerance and ability to "let things slide" has completely run out. 👍🏻

@johnroekoek12345 4 года назад

12 Keeping you away from friends and family?

@charisahood6571 4 года назад

Mine literally told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to my friends and family about the things that were bothering me in the relationship because it was "messing with his reputation." I can't believe I didn't get out of there sooner

@fproszek 4 года назад

Definate

@johnroekoek12345 4 года назад

@@fproszek I miss my brother so much. Almost half a year. We were fine before.

@santoparfano1910 4 года назад

Yes

@bezejmennylotr6813 4 года назад

@@johnroekoek12345 What keeps you to not be able to change it?

@oliverschubert8242 3 года назад

Exceptionally well explained, at the core level, thank you so much🙏🏻.

@jro2242 3 года назад

This video would have saved me years of pain and therapy years ago :( Blessings to anyone going through this.

@melmel8907 4 года назад

1. Intense soulmate connection. Love bombing phase. They feel connection, say they love you very early, and idealize you. But it turns to abuse over time. 2. Something felt a little off. 3. Cognitive dissonance that I experience when with person whose words and actions don’t align. We feel like we are crazy because we notice they are not doing what they say they are going to do. They say they love me but they hurt me. 4. Intense need to win. Not always as obvious as what we think. 5. They justify bad behavior because they have “Good reason”. 6. How do I feel when I am with this person. You start out feeling awesome but later you’ll feel them taking your flaws apart. 7. Gaslighting - often happens around cheating. Narc is cheating and you feel like / know Narc is cheating. You confront Narc & they’ll blow up and turn tables on you. 8. Lack of empathy. 9. 10. 11. Darn missed a few.

@warorislam 4 года назад

They create drama around them and then sit back silently sickily grinning watching everything. it makes them look the sane wise ones as they sit there quietly and are eagerly waiting to be approached for advice. This achieves their goal by making them feel importantl.

@lc4972 3 года назад

I watched my ex do this a few times.

@sandybroderick2932 3 года назад

OMG...11 OUT OF 11!!!!! Thank you so much for this video!!!!! This was so informative and so valuable!!!! This has helped me so much. Sending love and courage to all Nar. Survivals out there!!!! 💜

@nycthinklab966 3 года назад

You have literally saved me and hundreds of others with your knowledge. Thank you.

@wendymosher4386 4 года назад

I experienced all of the 11 characteristics, Narcs are con artists. They project to the world that they are amazing people but when they get you alone the crazy making behavior comes out. My boyfriend hides behind being a former pastor which gives him creditability. I fell for him at first. He left ventricle bombed me with gifts, cards, flowers, words of affirmation and more. I thought he was perfect. Then the 11 characteristics came out, the rage attacks, sudden personality shifts, accusing me of things I did not do, calling me names, telling me I’m crazy, he stole from me, lied and more. I was a con job so he would get money and I believe his ex wife was in on it. We broke up about a year ago and he went back to his ex wife. I’m a fraction of the person I used to be. I see humanity in a much darker light and do not trust people like I used to. Now I’m overly cautious and dating is really difficult because I’m afraid I’ll end up with another Narcissistic. This last experience almost destroyed my spirit and life energy. Crazy thing is the general population does not understand Narcissism so people don’t understand the abuse. It’s a lonely experience. Thank you

@rebeccastephens6447 4 года назад

You are spot on my previous pastor was like this with me. It devastated me especially because he was supposed to be a man of God. Pray to Jesus, He will heal your broken heart. Inbox me on Facebook if you’d like.....it helps to talk to someone who understands because you’re right...most people treat us victims like we’re crazy.

@jmhernandez24 4 года назад

You are not alone. So many can relate. Sending you love and peace. You are actually the wiser one. Trust that.

@sandravorenholt 4 года назад

You are not alone in this. It will take some time to heal and for you to feel like this now, I can relate to that! But I can assure you when the right one comes along, you will be able to feel and trust again! Give it time, to build your self confidence and self love and you will be able to trust again. Wish you all the best of luck..

@marybrandt4832 4 года назад

I totally understand and am going through same....

@rebeccamiranda6041 4 года назад

Wow, my Ex hit all 11! I was in a relationship for 4 years off and on, as you can imagine, with a covert narcissist. He broke up with me 10 months ago stating I was an insecure, crazy woman that just wanted to control him. Yet he was going to give me an opportunity to prove to him that I could love him the way he deserved to be loved. I was devastated and would have done anything to be back with him. So for months and months I tried to "fix" myself so he would accept me. Then something hit me one night during an argument with him and I jumped on youtube to start researching. He had once told me during a converstation with his ex wife that she called him a narcissist. It was a sign, the first video on opened up "fit like a glove." It was exactly what I was experiencing. I even sent him the video. He laughed at me and called me a narcissist. However that was 5 months after the the intentional break up. It has now been 10 months in total and has been an emotional roller coaster. To be honest, it has felt like hell. I'm working so hard to educate myself so I can let go of this monster, but I find myself still getting pulled back in sometimes. This abuse is real and it is damaging. I feel for anyone who has experienced this kind of pain. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through in my 38 years on this earth. I pray I can finally be rid of this man from my life for good and can start to heal. My biggest problem right now is the thought of him falling "in love" with another woman. It tears me heart apart but I'm really trying to work on loving myself. Thank you so much for your videos. You have no idea how they have been the place where I can find some comfort and sanity from this insanity that I was living.

@marybarratt879 4 года назад

Hi, I suffered in the same way for nine years. Please move on because you can't change them and you won't have a life until you do. Just feel sorry in your heart for the next woman. You are worth so much more and deserve better. These types are just control freaks.

@C21agent1 4 года назад

Rebecca Miranda You can only hope he falls for some poor clueless soul so you can be rid of him ! Run go no contact! Save yourself heartache, financial ruin, your health.

@ihabimam1 4 года назад

Thank you for sharing your story. I was with my ex for 6 years and its so reassuring that what I've gone through others understand. I've felt so alone and ashamed and confused. I've tried to live up to her expectations and be the person I thought I needed to be to love her unconditionally and hold space for her chaos, rage, devaluation and abuse. Now I realise I've been trying to make a relationship work with someone who has no idea how to align with me. I'm sorry you all had to experience such pain and difficulty. Thank you for sharing

@MrsNsf74 4 года назад

Your story is my story. I am sorry

@ursiedotromshanti 4 года назад

Hope you’re doing better. My advice is look after yourself, meditate, take baths, read, do yoga, spend time in nature try to nurture yourself and your soul however that feels best for you. Cut contact block his number, unfriend him on social media...if you need contact only agree to email. Don’t try to explain too much or defend yourself as it will always be your fault and everything you say will be used against you. The quicker you do this the quicker you’ll recover. You can do this cutting of cords with love. Hopefully this other lady will see through him quick and fingers crossed he’ll eventually connect the dots and get help x good luck 💗

@jonka1 3 года назад

I would like to compliment you on how well you convey to us your message. You seem to be very grounded and this comes across in how easy it is to hear you. Subscribed.

@thewashingtonspost1412 3 года назад

I am a covert narcissist... I think what people should know first and understand is that this disorder is connected to my personality and not a choice that I make. I don’t choose to gaslight, it’s an error in my thinking that makes me truly think and feel the way I do. It’s not an intentional action to hurt others or to put them down. It just happens. For me, my life, actions, thoughts and consequences has less to do with others and trying to hurt them. I’m just living life the best way that I can. With this said, I also realize that I have hurt many people but especially those who I love most. It’s not a good feeling and I am doing the necessary work to change my thinking and behaviors.

@flightydancer Год назад

That's wonderful you have the self-awareness and willing to work on it. Not many do and it shows you are ahead of them.

@kayinatkidunya Год назад

And ur justifying being a covert that ur covering up what u do sayings its not intentionally intentionally or not it's wrong it's wrong it's wrong

@MARLA116 Год назад

My CV spouse, who did nothing but exploit our children and myself, while I remained devoted and faithful for 30 years, always stated that his behavior was unintentional. So, I guess he unintentionally began an online affair with a Filippino 35 years younger than him and our children's age. I guess he unintentionally deceived my son and I stating that he was going to the Phillipines to do missionary work. I guess he unintentionally deceived me and was later revealed to be lying on every point I made upon confronting him which was revealed publicly when his new supply 'unintentionally' attempted to FB friend our youngest son so we would see the photos of them getting married there and his declarations of love for her, unintentionally using the phone I was paying for. Kudos to you for your candor and attempts to amend your life. But saying that things just happen is a HUGE cop-out. You and others like you create ALOT of wreckage and destruction. The pain can be excruciating. And many times, it reverberates for decades and generations depending on the extent of the damage. I wish you all the best in your journey and, especially, to those you have harmed, I wish supreme peace and healing.

@bereal6590 Год назад

@@MARLA116 there's on in this threat either isn't a covert narc or they're making excuses for themselves. Everyone makes mistakes gets things wrong unintentionally hurts people but gaslighting manipulation control and not being empathetic is a choice, not a mistake ✌

@MARLA116 Год назад

@@bereal6590 AMEN. OR, this is just another form of supply. I gotta tell ya, all of these people just EXHAUST me.

@wadisanaa 4 года назад

this should be part of a school curriculum …...I gotta admit that I never thought there are people out there who are born narcissistic , cover or otherwise.

@PrizmSeeR 4 года назад

They learn it. It's something that they lacked from loved ones that stopped emotional maturity.

@megnemo6403 4 года назад

The bible talks of this I would give you a heart of flesh not of stone. The emotional abusive person cannot feel what others feel because they have a heart of stone.

@user-2911 4 года назад

meg nemo AMEN

@alexanderstevens145 4 года назад

The bible also talks about hearts becoming cold /hardened in the last days

@user-2911 4 года назад

Alexander Stevens truth mine was so heartless n hateful yes I agree the state of the world I was a bit excited to watch because I know Jesus Christ is coming

@alexanderstevens145 4 года назад

@@user-2911 Jesus isnt coming in peace this time either, cant wait til this world is rid of evil. Its a spiritual battle so im doing my best not to hold hate for people who've done me wrong.

@susanlittle2634 3 года назад

all 11 I can not believe I never reacted as I should have 3 years ago. Thank you for this video.

@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад

susan little,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

@oliviagibson1229 3 года назад

Thank you for this video! I honestly have been struggling for so long with whether or not my ex was an actual narc or just super selfish and egotistical, because he did not have all the traits that other people would talk about when they talked about their overt narc abuse. This definitely helped me to make that final determination!