"Some people come out in their teens ... some people come out in their 50s." As one in my 50s and on this journey, let me just say this is one of the most impactful messages I've heard. Sometimes our journeys are just about us - and sometimes they are not just about us. Clearly Bernie's journey had a message for me. He vocalized feelings I've had trouble vocalizing. When he said, "I was fearful for my eternal welfare. I can't do that because I'll be damned," I knew that, though our paths were different, we'd shared that same horrible feeling of guilty and shame. I've been there. When he said, "Wickedness never is happiness," I reflected on how many times I ran from "myself" and pushed people away because I believed I must be innately wicked to be gay ... and anyone "like me" or who "liked me" must also be wicked ... and we can never be happy. I often pondered "Why are there gays?" I wondered what was wrong with me that caused my gayness. Was my gayness bringing judgement upon others? Did my dad get sick because I was gay? Was my job a mess because I was gay? Were the hardships in my family my fault? Was I "Jonah" and did I need to be thrown off the boat? What did I do at what point in my life to cause the curse upon me and my family. Did I listen to bad music? Did I watch suggestive television shows? When did I make the decision to be this wretched outcast? It plagued me over and over in my youth and into adulthood. And I could relate to his comment about getting overcome by guilt and going back and forth ... and getting judged by the community ... so true in my case as I tried to come to terms in my 20s and 30s. I'd test the waters, and freak out, and run to the back of the closet. On my 35th birthday I decided I couldn't be gay. I just couldn't be. It didn't fit with the world I lived in or my worldview. So I went "celibate" for 15 years. Five years ago, I could no longer handle the loneliness, and I started trying to accept myself and "find my tribe" ... or any tribe that would accept me. It's been so hard. I wasted so much of my life. I don't know where I'll end up ... but this video really touched me. Thank you.
I hope you are doing well XOXO I hope you have found companionship and love! It breaks my heart that anyone would not be proud of who they are.... You were born gay.... Just like you were born either right-handed or left-handed.... With blue eyes or brown eyes... Being gay is no different than being straight.... You love the same as anyone loves.... You have your type that you are attracted to.... And everyone else has their type that they are attracted to..... Nothing is better than the other!! Love Is Love! I hope you never ever doubt yourself ever again.... Anyone who judges someone should be the one that needs to take account of who they are!!
Interesting conversation. I am not LDS but a former Baptist Pastor and missionary and gay, medically proven during electronic shock therapy. I went through 13 years of reparative therapy. I am 75, still married to my wife after 51 years. Nursed her with MS for 23 years. She is in a nursing home and nearing the end of her life now. I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend and probably never will. But I am trying to anticipate how I will grieve when she passes yet finally being free to be who I am for the first time in 51 years. My wife has been very accepting.
I’m a straight woman who came upon this video. I enjoyed listening to this podcast. Thank you for sharing. I like being informed and all people should open their minds and hearts to people who are not like them and who’s beliefs are different.
I'm an almost 80 year-old, straight grandma, who listened to your story with sympathy and admiration for how you handled your painful journey. Organized religions can put such unrealistic pressures on their followers to the point of doing great damage. Where is the humanity in shunning someone because they are different? Where is the tenet that we are all God's children, or that we are our brother's keepers? In my life I've tried to surround myself with good, honest, caring people. Who they love and choose to be with is not a factor in determining their value as a person. Bernie Jessop, you are a lovely man.
I cannot comment on the religious aspects - raised a Catholic so a whole different bag of stuff to unpack. Two golden nuggets that I was glad to hear and want everyone to understand: it is your story, life, experience and coming out is your invitation to another person into your life. Since learning those lessons, I have been much happier. Thank you Bernie for sharing and all the best!
My parents were ex-communicated by a Lutheran church due to their lack of attendance. It bothered my mother in particular. I told her that what men in a “church’ feel they must do, wanting to be Christlike but rejecting them, shows how far from Him, they are. Sad, speaking about a God of love, yet worried he’s going to reject you at a moment’s notice, seems like representatives of hell and confusion. Reminds me of wars in the name of Christ? Unbelievable.
what a story this man has! I am not Mormon, but come from a conservative Christian background. I am new to your channel. I am so interested and invested in hearing all your guest. Thank you for having Bernie on the podcast. He seems to be such a kind, sweet and finally grounded in knowing himself. Any gay man would be lucky to be in a relationship with him. Plus, he has an incredible smile!!
"My journey is mine. It doesn’t belong to anybody else. My experiences are unique to me. My story is mine. I own it and I am comfortable with it" ~ Bernie Jessop @bernie.jessop ... And I thought I had a story to tell... this was profound!
Bernie - Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is so intriguing to hear your story directly instead of through the anecdotal stories through others. You are an amazingly inspirational guy and appreciate your candor and honesty.
Bernie..its been over 32 years I left the Mormon Church..left Temple Marriage..left 4 Children..Came Out..shunned..survived the Shame,Guilt and my Children / Family embarrassment.. Married my husband 30 years ago..life has been a story in progress..I loved hearing your story..love you for sharing..Hyrum Jessup..your Dad is a Super Mentor..you are #1
Thank you very much for this intelligent and meaningful podcast series. I am a gay man who came out when 50 years old after a marriage with two children. When we were married, my wife converted to LDS and I sometimes attended the Church, but never joined. I identify with this man's story as I have for many others on these podcasts. I struggled with my sexuality for 50 years before accepting it. I am finally at peace with myself. Listening to this story, I am greatly moved by Mr. Jeesop's journey and his effort to maintain his integrity during his struggles.
I think the way you explained "love" towards your first wife was perfect. I say this because I think this is true for other high-demand/cult religions. You're brave.
These are excellent videos and I appreciate them. My only problem is how long they are, my time is limited, and frustrated that sometimes can’t finish a video. Bernie is an excellent communicator and an encouragement to me, as I struggle with loneliness because I couldn’t come out in my youth but finally did in my old age. Unfortunately, habits are difficult to break and haven’t figured out, how to find the person for me. The non-Mormon church I attended also attempted to reprogram my sexuality, and grateful I didn’t end my life due to the inability to change. I imagine there have been many unfortunate suicides because of same sex sexuality that they couldn’t change.
I really like how he explains his storie so profound and for me much clarity I can relate to many of the topics and issue he talks about about the internalizing thoughts I feel like I'm doing that a lot and find it hard to find good people that could understand and show compassion it always starts with judgement then sympathy which I feel is so not what I need.
"Instead of me taking a new wife, why don't you get a new husband, and we can both share him...." Gotta' love it - the best one yet - what a hoot!!! :):):)
So ive been in LDS family services counseling since I was Baptised which is almost 10 years and I want to stop counseling because I feel like her methods are like aren't helpful how can I stop with out feeling guilty about.
I am not LDS but married into it. I have watched several of these video's from various people who have left the church.From what I can decipher as an outsider (but know many of the rituals of the church) the main tenent is to abide by all the rules made up since the time of Joseph Smith so that you can get into the celestial kingdom even though there is NO PROOF there is such a thing. Is that the jest?
Can a gay man really change by his faith? My man broke up with me after converting to Christianity. We stayed together for 5yrs hiding and now he left me saying that he will now live a heterosexual life.
Sorry for the loss of your relationship & what you had to go through and are still going through. You are better off without him. He can’t change but it not up to you to try to help him see that. Also you don’t want to wait around or deal with the baggage that your “Ex” - expartner has. Good luck with healing and moving on with your life!
Always collateral damage..that's what these insidious "religions" cause in these situations...so sad and unnecessary. Where's the love, the compassion, the understanding? It's one thing for whomever to choose these beliefs but another to raise and indoctrinate your children into these systems where they have no choice. Please people, be careful with your children. Allow them the possibility to choose their path, even if it's contrary to what you believe. If what you believe is righteous and defendable then it's worth the test. If not...there's a possible issue that you need to address. At least you are open for real discussion wo judgment. Jesus would be appalled in my humble opinion..
