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[2 of 3] How do you build a secure attachment style while being single?

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In today's video and blog post, we are exploring the question...
How do you build a secure attachment style while being single?
There is no hard and fast rule about how you develop your boundaries and find a sense of security within yourself. It depends on your temperament, how well you can access Source energy, and how well you can identify your own boundaries, whether you are single or in a relationship.
I would recommend you think about the following areas….
What is a secure attachment style to you?
What do you value?
What were the points of contrast and contention in your past relationships?
What were the areas you found painful in your past relationships?
By asking yourself these questions, you are helping yourself to create boundaries. You are identifying and creating the vision of what it is you actually want.
Often times, the way we change is through something painfully catalytic, but it doesn’t have to be.
You can change from a place of inspiration vs from a place of fear, suffering or struggle. This can be equally as catalytic.
If you are able to move into a place where that is as stimulating for you as it was to wrestle with the pain and needing to earn things, then you will find a shift in your quality of life. I would also say you would probably find a deeper sense of faith in the Universe.
In another part of this member question, the word “triggered” gets mentioned.
Often times when people say the word “triggered,” they are really saying, “I’m having a feeling that’s hard and that I don’t want to feel it so I’m going to push it away again.” But the feeling doesn’t go away and then we become angry and frustrated and label it with the word “triggered.”
When you feel you are being “triggered,” you want to ask yourself….
Am I just avoiding my feelings?
Am I too afraid to lean into that feeling and to look at what that feeling is trying to communicate to me?
If there are intrusive thoughts about an ex, specifically critical thinking, then there may be apart of you that is asking you to look at this critical thinking that you have.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself...
Can you lean into the critical thinking?
Where is that critical thinking coming from?
What are you doing to pay attention to it?
Part of you lies beneath this layer of critical thinking and it’s saying, “Please look at me, and process this, so I can come out of hiding.” You need to acknowledge this critical thinking so that you are able to integrate it into you as a whole. Once you do that, you are able to step into a place where you are accepting all the critical thinking and feelings, so that they lose their “fuel” and don’t control you anymore.
Truly being triggered is when you’re being sent into a flashback and you are literally in that time and place from a past experience (sensorially and/or psychically, you believe, think and feel that you are there).
Unless you are truly having a flashback or being flooded (and if you are, that requires a deeper level of trauma work and intervention), when you want to say you are being “triggered,” you can ask yourself…
I’m wondering about this feeling…
Where is this feeling in my body?…
I’m curious about what this feeling is trying to tell me…
How has this feeling protecting me?...
Don’t try and move away and escape these feelings, try to lean into and look at what part of you is trying to be integrated.
If you are interested in learning more of what I have to say about that, check out the video!
⭐WANT TO LEARN MORE? ⭐
Take the attachment styles quiz:
bit.ly/4LuvStyl...
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Website: www.brianamacw...

Опубликовано:

27 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 41

@dylanwho6299 5 лет назад

Im just learning about these attachment styles. I was single for a few years and I worked on myself a lot. I was anxiously attached before, but after a lot of self work and self love I feel much more secure. I recently seemed to call in someone and it seems like a cosmic type of connection I cant explain. But she told me she is an avoidant and she's trying to work on herself. I respect that and now I find myself watching these videos. I hope I can help bring stability and do this right. Thank you for your efforts in sharing this information its very helpful.

@Eg-jd9zt 3 года назад

A cosmic type connection is usually a signal for a trauma bond. Anxious with an avoidant=trauma bond and nightmare. Go for securely attached people. Avoidants aren’t capable of love. You cannot help or change that person. It’s about not gravitating to that toxic dynamic with that type anymore.

@dylanwho6299 3 года назад

@@Eg-jd9zt I understand what you're saying. Im very happy to say that through awareness of our attachment styles and the ability and willingness to grow and develop more secure attachments, my partner and I have been together for just short of 18 months now. Things are great. Awareness and communication have been everything. That and a willingness for growth and the humility to do so.

@christianone6611 5 лет назад

The underlying anxiety is there, even if lessened, while single. So if someone does "tapping EFT" to more quickly feel, process, and turn around that emotion...then you will have at least 1. Cut away much of the root of the problem while single. 2. Built new habits during single life to address your anxiety IMMEDIATELY as it arises within yourself...so once you get into a relationship and the person does something that brings up your anxiety...your first instict will be to go take some alone time to "tap" or feel your emotions and clear them from within... Rather than thinking the source of the problem was external and that you have to get your partner to change to avoid or stop feeling anxiety. THEN after clearing the crappy confusing feelings out of the way, it will be much easier to be calm, communicate kindly to your partner, or set boundaries firmly in place...rather than as a reaction.

@cholalaflor 6 месяцев назад

Incredibly powerful

@rebeccaz994 5 лет назад

Oh girl, I love the definition of triggering and critical thinking. Ignoring the the message is just going to knock harder! Beautiful. Thnx briana. You're so good. 💜

@chrismcevoy2503 Год назад

I’m single ladies I’m single and ready to mingle.

@cindyinencinitas4082 2 года назад

Hypnosis can help with this very much. It’s called parts therapy. Highly recommend.

@DayaTom 5 лет назад

Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Your videos are simply incredible. OMG so on point on the "triggering" phrase. It's almost as if people are victimizing themselves to a point of comparing themselves with PTSD or cPTSD patients. Some are.. but not every time we talk about (caution) violence, you'll get triggered. A wound heals when you allow it to breathe, when you clean it, and these things involve pain to some extent. So we need to embrace the pain and get the message.

@sumanmishra123 5 лет назад

Really good point about 'triggering' and leaning into that feeling

@sumanmishra123 5 лет назад

I have experienced (and still do, working on it) truly being triggered and it's very different from the way people casually use that word 'triggered' for just 'feeling' something, maybe intensely, in an uncomfortable way

@karn5019 5 лет назад

I disagree about what constitutes a flashback. Reliving a particular traumatic event is a classic PTSD flashback. But cPTSD type flashbacks are more often emotional flashbacks which do not involve reliving particular event but involve re-experiencing emotional responses to a series of (possibly) more minor traumatic events, the essence of which are similar over time, e.g. during childhood. This is what people are referring to when they talk about being triggered. Emotional flashbacks are characterised by disproportionately strong emotional responses to current events which bear some similarity to previous events that were traumatic, at least in the mind of the person experiencing them. That's how I understand them at least, as do others that take the notion of cPTSD seriously.

@chrismcevoy2503 Год назад

Say I’m having a difficult feeling instead.

@DanielaRosenrot Год назад

for many avoidants letting out anger will remove the first layer of shame and gives you access to a bit softer emotions. A combat sport like kickboxing is what many avoidants are into and it really helps them.

@mattkugler8068 5 лет назад

Love your points about creating change from a place of inspiration vs. pain, and having a conversation with your difficult feelings! 💖

@veravujovic4685 3 года назад

You are genious.

@brianamacwilliam.attachment 3 года назад

Vera Vujovic Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.

@DiamondsRexpensive 5 лет назад

6:27 ring ring ring 6:58 inspiration and suffering

@veronicahaney7934 5 лет назад

Isn't it like riding a bike in the sense that you can't learn to stay balanced at different paces, or learn about successful bike maintenance unless you own and ride a bike; the relationship being the bike? Certain boundaries can be defined and unbeneficial beliefs re-programmed whilst single, but when it comes to making sure our patterns have really changed, and for us to be confident in our consistency don't we need to be able integrate this into different kinds of relationships? Practing boundaries with me is different than with others. I'm safe and confident with me. The dynamics of co-creating with others changes with different variables: What roll the person represents to me and the perceived value/loss ratio of the situation. I'm going to want to give more to someone who's closer intimately and have a harder time saying no. In my experience, maintaining boundaries with other people isn't as big of an issue as with someone who is really close to me- like a romantic partner; it's then that I struggle with "losing myself." And how do we know if our desires are even realistic if we don't have the feedback and experience, especially in push-pull relationships where we're seemingly attracting similarly wounded but still very much incompatible people, meaning they aren't matching completely who we are, what we give, and what we want? Maybe what I want doesn't exist? I'm able to see that these traits exist in me, but what if I'm an anomaly? I'm practicing my core values and doing the work, but what I'm attracting seems to be people who are even less compatible than previous relationships. Thankfully I'm more aware now and leaving these relationships more quickly, but why does it appear that my point of attraction is getting worse? If what I want does exist, what difference does it make if I'm not able to attract it? How am I supposed to change my fearful perspective regarding relationships if up until this point in my life the majority of my experiences have been with incompatible people? I left an 8 year emotionally and financially abusive situation and am starting over in a new state from scratch- no friends or support system. Prior to this; friendship, work, and romantic scenarios have been traumatic and severely unequal. I've tried to put myself in new situations, join new activities, improve my social/emotional skills, shadow work, art/dance/music expression. At this point I feel like I need to buy a talking friend doll in order to change my manifestation pattern.

@anaviana2641 5 лет назад

Hello Veronica, I fully relate , however somewhere in Briana's video she mentions "..naming and claiming it.." So I guess we have to be very specific in naming/ defining what we like and what would make us joyful and then thank GOD / the UNIVERSE for answering us. Play play you already have it (embody it) Repeat this affirmation over and over and over......so what if it does not manifest right away. Its a treasure hunt, a beautiful journey of discovery. Im in the same boat as you, very disillusioned, very disappointed, very hurt BUT there is really so much other love forms available that I am grateful for, which beats being miserable because I cannot have a "man" in my life. I think you are doing the best that you can. You got the love and you got the power to bring the right kinda love to your life.

@xmontovanillix 5 лет назад

Really cool what you talk about at 12:00. There were some things that I felt REALLY jealous and in a way hated about my ex (very weird but STRONG feeling) but after some time I realized that if I started doing the actions that made me feel that feeling I'd start to feel insanely good and like I uncovered part of myself that was hidden. Could it be it was trying to show me my suppressed parts in her? I start noticing this all the time with everyone now, I'll HATE something about someone then start doing it and again, feels like something was uncovered. Love your videos, feels good to learn about this stuff haha

@avocado184nhs82 3 года назад

whenever i get "triggered" i do lean into the feeling and wonder what triggered me. for me its not that im trying to avoid the feeling.

@angelamossucco3819 3 года назад

Thank you for your kind guidance.

@ric3poversace477 5 лет назад

1:35 Well, if a single person has a tendency to treat every crush with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style then yeah, changing that to a secure AS during the time period of being single would be rather difficult.

@christianone6611 5 лет назад

Yes, but the underlying anxiety is there even while single. So if someone does "tapping" to more quickly feel, process, and turn around that emotion...then you will have at least 1. Cut away much of the root of the problem while single. 2. Built new habits during single life to address your anxiety IMMEDIATELY as it arises within yourself...so once you get into a relationship and the person does something that brings up your anxiety...your first instict will be to go take some alone time to "tap" or feel your emotions and clear them from within... Rather than thinking the source of the problem was external and that you have to get your partner to change to avoid or stop feeling anxiety.

@JaydeNicolexx 3 года назад

I thunk trigger means activating an Anger they do not want to feel

@koltonjones866 5 лет назад

At least from what I understand from your explanation a secure attachment is subjective. As a result everyone has their own secure attachment style. Some people are secure with avoidant. When are the attachment jargon subjective and objective definitions?