2 Types of Controlling People | How to Manage Yourself around THEM! 

Controlling people have no concept of your personal boundaries. Never submit to someone who is controlling in your life. It is their own insecurities that drive their behaviour. Have the sense to walk away.

“Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can't allow others to shine, you're exhibiting signs of narcissism and showing a lack of self-confidence. It is isolation through ego.” ― Stewart Stafford

Controlling people are always the ones that lack direction and clarity in their life.

Just tell them NO. DO NOT BACKDOWN. They will take it as a sign of weakness. They will throw a fit. It’s YOUR life even if they say something hurtful. THEY are the crazy one not you ❤

People who try to control every single thing end up enjoying nothing!

Be careful not to tell your problems to just anyone. Some controlling people do it via 'helping' you. Better to take responsibility for your life, and only confide in the truly trustworthy

Dealing with people who think they have a better perspective on our lives than we do can be very difficult, especially when they enjoy telling us about all the things we should be doing to improve ourselves (then get annoyed when we don't do what they say). Setting boundaries is very important. Someone told me she was "sorry" for this behavior, but she didn't take responsibility, and so I had to cut back on the friendship. She is a very kind person, but it was just getting to be too much for me

After you’ve politely declined help from them but they insist on it anyway just so they can control the situation. No respect for boundaries. “I want to help” can mean I need to control the situation.

The best way to handle those people at the workplace: Stay calm Don't say anything Wait for someone else to talk to him/her. Mind your own business. You don't want control freaks as your friends no matter who they are.

I've dealt with many people with control issues...its a matter of trust or the lack there of..they don't trust anyone to do the job as well as they do.. their insecurity and fears of failure and blame overwhelm them..I believe it comes from being raised by a domineering and critical parent with the same issues

People are controlling because they are insecure. I believe this is the main reason for this behavior. By being in control they provide the security they so desperately need in their lives. They don’t like boundaries because that reduces their control. Thanks for the video Stephanie, excellent topic. Take care.

Years ago someone told me "help" is the sunny side of control. That has proven to be so true in many people I have met!!

Constant unsolicited advice and when I don’t want it, I’m made out to be the bad guy. Ask me my opinion but don’t care what I have to say because it’s their way or no way. I have to get away from this person soon. I have lost who I am and don’t know who I am anymore. Go with the flow people like me attract these people.

Controlling people, sneakily and cunningly wangle their way into your life, to be in the position of control they wish, and then exercise that control over you and your stuff. Best course of action is to carefully take back control, then be rid of them, and be happy they know you saw them for what they were and outsmarted their sly devious ways. AKA: Victory! From that experience in the future you’ll ‘smell’ control freaks a mile off, and avoid what is a HORRIBLE experience.

A lot of people have been controlling me in the past few years, and I have got some mental health issues in the end. Actually I'm sick and tired of all of them.....I don't want them around me!

The best part about this channel is there is no co pay

Ppl do not change, and majority of time controlling ppl don't think they need too. Both of my parents are controlling (one through money, and the other through eliciting emotions). The only thing you can do is control yourself, and decide what is best for you and your path. Nothing is worth your sanity, that must always come first. If others don't understand that, or try to bully and shame, then so be it.

I had to break off a friendship with an abusive controlling person. He was passive aggressive towards me for months, and the last straw for me was when he tried to take over my wedding plans. The worst part is that he presented himself as a nice guy, so everyone around me would make excuses for his behavior.

My ex was a control freak (abuser type) and sadly could never accept responsibility for his actions. His justification was “I did this for your benefit and want you to be a better person”. Boundaries didn’t work as he never respected them. When I hit enough emotional exhaustion, I left. 🙏🏼 Stephanie for your excellent support.

I run a business, so I meet lots of people. I am a professional and know my stuff. I do have boundaries, but I can be flexible for my clients. I recently had a business venture and one of the partners immediately gave me a weird control freak vibe. I’m like whoa it’s a one up game every interaction. They can never let someone shine or have their moment. Along with sabotaging things so they can come fix it/be the hero. The most bazaar behaviors. For seemingly no reason. Very covert. But if you pay attention you can see exactly what’s happening. This person was controlling every detail, or as much as they can. I take my time as to not make any snap judgments about people, observe then come to a conclusion. I used to be blind to these types of people, and I am sure there are lots of people out there who have no idea they even exist. I never knew what passive aggressive was, or a narcissist etc. As I am understanding what a control freak is more and more my intuition / discernment is always right. Trust your gut feeling about people. Know when to detach. The earlier the better. You don’t need to save these types of people or show them the light. You can’t.

I’ve just left my narcissistic emotionally controlling abusive husband, (12 years) I didn’t see it till a number of people told me that they didn’t like him so I started to look at things, ended in hospital with pneumonia icu for 5 days, I then caught the flu so was in isolation he was vile, he thought no one could hear him. But the nurses did so as he stormed out in came a very kind lady who deal with abuse. For 14 months you kept me strong and to love myself. I’m in my new house for 10 weeks so thank you for your videos 🙂

My partners control freak areas: -in the car/back seat driver -working on projects/building something -living space/shared environment -opinions/morality/right&wrong -plans/leisure activities/schedule -social interactions/say this, not that! -my appearance/grow your hair out/wear this, not that! -their agenda/their way or the Highway/getting what he wants/rigid about goals

Thank you again, for saving my life, back in 2018. Until then I didn't know a thing about personality disorders, about boundaries and so on. I have a new life now.

I have a friend who is controlling. Anytime we are planning to meetup ex: restaurant, coffee etc. she ALWAYS insists to pick me up & drive me there. It really bothered me!! I like my freedom and driving my own car ( this way I can leave at my own time). So I started just driving myself there, before she could even get to my place to pick me up.I can tell this really bothers her. Oh well 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

My Mom definitely uses control to feel secure in herself. She makes passive aggressive remarks more in the past during my childhood that made me feel So reactive and rattled inside. She always wanted take over whenever she sensed you didn’t know what to do. She wants to suck you into responding a certain way too to her conversation. She is mostly unaware of this. You feel pressed down by her until you can assert your boundaries according to the situation she put you in too. Overall she took more than she gave and still does and now she needs saving because she’s mentally emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.

I've observed controlling from someone that isn't the most organized person. But definitely is always moving, and finds contentment in knowing the flow of things. Also does the passive aggressive thing, and has a way of being negative opinions or judges other people's lifestyle.

Being a controlling person it’s definitely a sign of the lack of self confidence. Being in control is a false sense of dominance. From a self love content creator to another; very well said Stephanie! ❤️

My relationship is so healthy because neither of us are control freaks but instead we control ourselves and focus on that which doesn't fit well with a bunch of ppl with no self control so seeking others to control. ..

You look milion dollars! Thank you for everything you do for the abused and confused souls!

SIL: asks personal/intrusive question sprinkled with “and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to” I find it so MANIPULATIVE. Obviously that quick tactic is the quickest way to build trust and showcase empathy but it’s BS. This is the 2nd time she has asked me a personal question after I told her to NOT ask me because it causes me stress and anxiety.

I had a neighbor “friend” get mad at me, because I verbally, but respectfully, disagreed with her on a matter. I had a problem with my back and she said that when I got to about her age I was going to have all kind of horrible back problems. I respectfully disagreed with her and she got so mad at me!! I explained to her that when someone says something like that about me and my life, I have to verbally disagree with that, because it’s basically a curse being spoken over me. She didn’t understand and I told her I understood that she didn’t understand and I wasn’t being rude, but from a Christian standpoint, I had to speak out of my own mouth what I was believing God for, for my life. She had the nerve to say that, well, I can disagree with her, but do it quietly and not verbally. I told her that there are times that I will disagree quietly, but times like those were going to be times when I was going to have to say something to her and disagree that way. She and I are no longer in communication with one another.

The controller in my life is not doing it out of a desire for order, its to keep the household in a state of chaos. Any effort to bring decency ( like caring for her neglected pets) is a threat because not being neglectful casts a negative light on her neglect.

So my aunt is very controlling. She has OCD and is a perfectionist and a neat freak and she will go to almost any lengths to get her way. Now, I don't know if it breaks over into narcisissim per-say but it's close. But the one thing that I'm actually learning from her, as someone who is codependant and a people pleaser and doesn't know how to stick up for myself at all, is watching how she goes to any lengths to get her voice across. So obvioulsy she is borderline dealing with some issues of her own, we all are, but I can look up and admire that she is able to do something so easily that I have such a hard time with! So it's almost like I need to learn a little bit from her about standing up for myself and she needs to learn from me how to put others first. We could both use a better balance in that area.

I live in Public housing and my next door neighbor and I instantly became close friends. But I noticed that she was getting mad at me every week over little things. And she would always try to scare me about the office saying we're not allowed to have anything living here. And always trying to scare me about inspections. I suffer severe anxiety. Everything's too hard for me as it is.

I started identifying most people around me wanted to control the way I spend my money, who I want to spend on, where and how I want to spend the funny thing is it starts as they care about me and upon my disagreeing they starts to show agitation. The second thing they want to control is my TIME. How I spend my time, who I spend my time with, where I spend my time, How much time I spend etc. You can see once they failed the blame and shame you for hurting their feeling. Well if one expect others to be in certain way, and it doesn't work than his pain is caused by no one except himself.

A "little" bit of judging? More like a LOT of judging!

Thank you Stephanie. I am a Magnate for Controlling People. This helps SO MUCH !!!

We going run into controlling toxic people.We must know the signs and how to set and enforce the boundaries. Some of us wasn’t taught this. I former coworker she tell her own mother want to do. I have some ex like that. One of them want to come back. I told him no. I told him go back to the other woman . I’m working on loving myself and goals.

The narcissist accuses me of what he is guilty of and doesn't like me saying no. Too bad for him! He thinks that because he is my parent,, that he can boss me around, punish me for saying "no" him. He has the problem attitude, not me.

I was friends with someone who was controlling. Thankfully, for myself, I ended the friendship because I finally woke up to who the person was.

I came here to find some clarity on reasons why my relationship with one of my siblings has always been so hurtful over the years. I do not like conflict and I am the type to want resolve and to move forward. The latest event of being hurt by this sibling I did not voice how their reaction was making me feel, it feels like too easy a way for them to victim shame me. After watching this video, I understand a bit more as to why we have always seemed to come into conflict. Will be working with therapist on the boundaries for this relationship moving forward. Thank you for putting this video together, clearly it has helped so many

Excellent.. I like the way you contrast between the two… and the bad thing is that many of them are in denial and don’t believe there this way. I know because I used to be controlling because I didn’t feel safe when I lost my mom at age 18 and had to grow up quick .. and then abandonment from my husband who turned out to be a narcissist.. whew!!.. as I reflect I thank God that he helped me let go. Someone told me how to improve without being overwhelmed.😊😊😊❤️

It's the subtle controller that catches one spouse by surprise years into a marriage. When the controlled spouse identifies it and the years of unhappiness, they are tempted to divorce due to their newfound awareness that they've been mistreated for so long. BUT - divorce isn't the best option most of the time - LEARNING NEW SKILLS and new ways of dealing with the controlling partner is a better option. And Stephanie is right, the need to control is often grounded in weakness / brokenness / insecurity. New ways of relating CAN be adopted. Great video!....If you feel you are at the other end of controlling behavior, deal with it as it arises. Don't go silent and live in resentment and avoidance.

Great video Stephanie!!!! I have learned to focus on my own recovery, and not worry about what others say, think, or do. Because taking care of myself is a full-time job.

Thank you for explaining this topic! Very helpful

I dated a women who is controlling, VERY RIDGED! And many signs of a Narcissist. NEVER wrong, always right, can't apologize, can't say sorry even if they are wrong. Left her several months ago. I'm going through recovery....

I used to have control issues but God has helped me a lot. I have learned to be more accepting and I tend to negotiate or let go depending on the case.

Another interesting and useful video, thank you, Stephanie 😊

Without specific details about the person or the specific way they have become, it is difficult to provide a precise answer. However, various factors can contribute to shaping an individual's personality, behavior, or outlook on life. Some common factors include: 1. Genetic tendencies: Certain genetic predispositions can influence how a person's brain works, potentially affecting their personality traits or mental health. 2. Environment: Childhood experiences, family dynamics, cultural influences, and social environment all play a role in shaping a person's development and behavior. 3. Upbringing and parenting: The parenting style, the level of emotional support, and the quality of attachment formed during childhood can significantly impact a person's emotional and psychological development. 4. Traumatic experiences: Experiencing trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or significant losses, can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental and emotional well-being. 5. Mental health conditions: The presence of certain mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders, can contribute to specific behavioral patterns. 6. Socialization and peers: Peer influence, social norms, and the desire to fit in can shape a person's behavior and outlook. 7. Education and learning: Formal education, exposure to different ideas, and learning opportunities can significantly impact a person's perspective and behavior. 8. Personal choices and agency: Ultimately, individuals have the agency to make choices that shape their own character and life path, although external factors can heavily influence these choices. It is important to note that this list is not exhaustive, and each person's individual experiences and circumstances are unique, leading to their own specific outcomes.

I love this video it spoke to me very well it is my relationship with my wife and we are in it do or die situation now I'm trying to better myself and I came across your videos they are truly inspiring me thank you

The thing is I know I "shouldn't" have boundaries in the first place. Telling a abuse victim what they shouldn't have done can be very triggering.

Appreciate this advice. Appreciate this podcast. 💪🏻

I find my sister very controlling when it comes to family events and insists on organising even though she is in another state and not attending. It bothers me because it is impacting my autonomy and she want all of us to run everything by her. She acts like the family director. I don't like feeling controlled.

I just got ripped off by someone. So uncomfortable. Will not speak to this person. This is a pattern...need to get stronger. Thank you so much. This is a serious problem.

This was really helpful for me thanks

Venting, but I need to get this out. I'm at a fast food restaurant yesterday and this guy starts yelling at the staff telling them his food was getting cold and has been sitting there for five minutes. He says "next time make everything at the same time" so that's it's not cold. This is at a major fast food chain, in the middle of the day, and they have the manager working and several staff. As the manager is bring him his food he says "I'm a regular customer, and I have to drive 10 minutes to get here, don't do this again". Just imagine working alone or with no manager and not having a really rigid fast-food system in place while someone like this barking at you in front of other customers.

My paw paw and I were literally jus talking about this , thanks for the info

Thank you! You are amazing

So brilliant, insightful and, even In casual attire, so stunning, cheers

I really try to focus on the one thing, but hearing you talk about it will help me remember. I'm trying to help a friend that has that laundry list about someone else, and she has a difficult time sticking to one thing at a time.

I love your insight!

The comments alot of you made were fantastic,and helpful to me.thanks!!

Everything you said exactly describes our neighbour, acts nice in wanting to have conversation with you bout half way out of now where he’ll go at you for things not wanting how he wants it to be, bullying us daily in a consistent manner, he is always on about money “ it’s not my problem “ the family would know about his harassment but does nothing about - he keeps going and doesn’t feel sorry.

Thank you Stephanie🥰...and the casual look is lovely😁 #yougogirrlll

You came at the right time

I subscribed! So happy to hear the wisdom

Thanks for these questions. It's a more helpful way to think about where specifically are they most prone to be controlling, which parts of it specifically trigger me, and where I am responding well and where am I responding unhealthily. My manager at work has OCPD and perhaps some narcissism. One habit I could improve consistency with is physically removing myself when I notice the controlling person's "tells". They start getting enthusiastic and verbose and into personal space, and I realize that doesn't seem like a bad thing on the surface for them, but I feel overwhelmed, distracted, and preyed upon. When I acknowledge the signs, instead of sitting through them, I usually get up and go somewhere else in the building.

So happy i found this channel

The explanation of why is invaluable

Love your chats- female friendships do not come with instructions!! LOL and your skin is Amazing!!!!

Omg ty I love your soothing voice n how easily you explain things👍👏

Very useful video ...thank you .

My family member who is the control freak is commonly known as MYOHY (my way or Highway). Sadly this has never changed in 30 plus years and their control has alienated everyone as well as causing much anger toward them, i hope these videos help others, in my case the control freak is defensive, in denial holds a grudge opinionated cruel to others and I can’t see much that can be done, one thing that is true in videos, these people NEVER work on their issues, bc they don’t have issues. (According to them).

This helped alot thanks

First time I seen you without makeup and hair. FYI...you are naturally beautiful and good to see you embracing that.

Yes, "even if I believe my option is the best option why can't I be flexible to any other options or possibilities," this is the space we hoped to work in, but no. The person in control says they're doing what they think is best and it doesn't matter what you think is best or anyone else thinks is best - their best is the only one that matters. Period. And that is repeated ad nauseum. So, no one gets around that wall this person has built: 'I am doing what I believe is best. Do it my way or don't do it at all.' That's where we are.

great video with a balanced perspective

Yeah, I have met one very pretty woman which is controlling people like crazy and she is trying a lot to find somebody however the guys will always leave her. Definitely, she needs help but I am sure she doesn't see it that way.

You are amazing! Love your videos!

Absolutely true!

But how do you deal with abusive/controlling people who DENY being controlling and claim to be ''liberal'', maganimous, ''too permissive'' and whatnot. They are so controlling and dictatorial they even deny being controlling!!

Abusers are always intolerable

There are some extremely controlling and manipulative people involved in healthcare doing their best to keep me from working as a registered nurse. The lies and dishonesty is psychopathic!!!

They know what they are doing but they are choosing to do it anyways despite what u want because they truly are evil. Like for real. They choose evil. So we need to choose good and take them down. How do u take them down? Abandon them

"They sit on the couch and could care less"🙄 couldn't*

I was married for 26 years and I remember telling my husband if he could give me just 1/4 inch (represented by my fingers) I could make this marriage work. The next night, my nephew was staying with us from out of town, he was finally opening up with me about some of his experiences during his deployment in Iraq. My husband had already gone to bed and I didn't follow because of the importance of my nephew's conversation. I did eventually cut the conversation short despite my desire not to, because I heard my husband throwing things in our bedroom. When I ventured into our bedroom he had packed a suitcase and stated he couldn't take this anymore. All I felt in that moment was relief. It wasn't long until he returned wanted to talk about what happened. This time I told him I couldn't do this anymore. He insisted we pack my things the next day and if that was how I felt I should leave. I honestly didn't know if I would be able to leave. When I drove away I felt such relief. I call my divorce papers my emancipation. I never thought I would ever be that person

Wow wow wow wow wow 👐🏼 🤯 3 minutes in and I’m mind blown. 💯 truuuuuuue all of it in this person I know 😆 it was actually hilarious because it was so spot on. Actually really reassuring.

Nice....well explained.... Many blessings

I love this channel.

People can't drive you crazy if you don't give them the keys

This is my sister and we are having to navigate through the rough waters of helping our 90 year old mom. I am not allowed to have any input or decisions. She has taken control over every. Financial and medical! I am trying to learn how to have a healthy connections and conversation.

Wow this makes so much sense... I made a boundary with a family member I was clear about it . They went to my friends and played the victim wasnt honest about any of it...so I am a little lost in what to do next or where to go from here 🤔

My dad is one on a daily bases 😆 😯 very argumentative with my mom ,and yep always has a schedule every day he’s retired , saving my 💰 to get out of the house 🏠 so I can finally have peace 😮

I work at a place that has absolutely no routine and it's pretty much a s h i t show. So I think having routine especially in a workplace and yes even your home is really not always a bad thing as long as you always are open to other opinions and ways of doing things.

It’s more like the illusion of control. Controlling people don’t realize they have little control of most life events.

Thank u much appreciated

Unfortunately, I'm like this. It stems from my parents and the military. I'm am trying to get better. I have a good heart at least. Thank you for the awesome video. The first part is totally me. I do have anxiety

Well that was very informative thank you. I realized that I am a bit of a control freak (the nice helpful type), I am always cleaning, taking charge when ppl come to me with problems, I don't help I take over. If the kids had deadlines in school I would get it done, If at work there was a problem, I took it and got it fixed and it was my baby, don't get involved, just let me fix it lol...I know I know but never once did I use my crazy for bad or harm. My two children are grown adults, they are awesome and well-adjusted so i guess I didn't screw them up lol, they finished college, are happily married and are homeowners and parents. I was raised with a very controlling parent and there was abuse so lucky I am as nice as I am. I would help anyone, and I am a good soul. I am also an empathic person and have the ability to put myself in your shoes very easily. I do not judge others; I am compassionate, and I am a live and let live person but with me and mine I am controlling. I am learning to ease up in my retirement now and I feel a bit lighter. I still have lots of work to do. I do have a bit of OCD (so did the parent) I am working on that too. My other parent was very very very passive so maybe I have some of that in me too because I let others push me around sometimes. meh, we all have issues as long as we don't hurt anyone, we are all ok. :)

Your mum total inspiration xxx

I took the nine week course recently just wondering what wound this falls under ...I see myself in some of these characteristics so I’d like to work on myself in making me a better person