*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
1. Critizism = micro-managing 2. Purposly missing the forrest by the trees - shifting the subject 3. Interrupting you or talking over you 4. Roll their eyes when you are talking 5. Their rightousness 6. Their rage 7. Silent treatment + stonewalling 8. Reactive abuse (hot button push) 9. Isolation 10. Financal abuse 11. They don't respect boundaries 12. Belittle your interests 13. Zero accountability 14. Word salad 15. Triangulation 16. Build you up just to knock you down 17. Discard + hoover cycle 18. Intermitted reinforcement 19. Use your vulnerabilities against you 20. Smear campagne Thanks, Christina 🙏💛🙏
@@SuperBlakes2 specially the covert narcissists are hypervigilant and all types are projecting their deep insecurities onto you whereby you will feel confused because their inner world is a big chaos.
8 😢😢 he brings up topics or things or says something mean or in a very cold or harsh way and then i react and (since a few months) become extremely angry or sad and then he stonewalls and is suddenly scared bc I am intimidating 😢 and then he is the victim and must get an SINCERE apology from me - and when i do he might as well tell me "that he is not feeling i mean it" ...
@@elinek5470the “you need to apologize to me for what I did to you” is a very common narcissistic ploy. So is the “I could accept your apology if it was sincere” tactic. Don’t fall for it! Stay strong, get out as soon as you can, be silent about your plans and be safe. This is abusive manipulation and it will never get better because they aren’t capable of changing. Get out, stay out, no contact.
There’s no need to figure out whether or not you are at fault. If you are uncomfortable in a relationship, conversation or interaction just walk out. Life is too short to spend it defending yourself. If someone isolates you, isolate them from you. There’s 10 billion people in a world, there’s enough friends to be found in a world.
Luv your comment 😎😘 Well said There's 10 billion people in the world... there are true friends to find 💙 Life is too short to spend constantly on guard defending yourself🎯💥 If someone isolates you... Isolate them from you 💥🎯 my two cents ~ Don't get bribed, Go find your tribe 😉😘
One morning, I woke up. Lacking a lot of sleep. I was exhausted from the extra curricular activities my mother was making me do. I had slept maybe 3 hours. The morning light hurt me, hurt when I opened my eyes. I was hurting for more than a minute...I passed next to her, my face showing clear intense pain, and she told me "you didn't even say good morning!"
Yep if you’re sick they pick a fight you can’t believe that someone would be so cruel. Or keep you up all night fighting over something they didn’t then the next morning like 3 hours later act like nothing happened but if it’s something you said no to they will harass you all weekend over it.
Omg! This hits everything with the narcissists I have had in my life! Between parent, former boss, and sibling, I have had enough for a lifetime. They all need to live in a village and micro manage each other!
I really hate the term "reactive abuse." Is it abusive when it is the intent of the person abusing you to get you to explode? It's not reactive abuse. It's an emotional reaction. It's the reaction of a person who has been pushed and pushed and pushed until they can't take it anymore. I have exploded a few times, but I have NEVER been abusive to my abuser. They WANT to get you to the point of releasing all those emotions trapped inside of you. It makes them HAPPY to push you to the point of losing it a bit. They LOVE it. So, how is that abusive? Reacting to abuse is not abusive, unless of course you start plotting and scheming for revenge on them. But in the heat of the moment... it's not reactive "abuse" it's someone being pushed to the point of having to release those emotions (Energy in motion). They have to go someplace being that they are "in motion." You have to get them out.
@@Bella_Noire No. they are saying the way you react is abusive. Hence the term "reactive ABUSE." Your reaction is abusive is what they are saying. Why would they say "when you react like them"? It's basically calling the abused person abusive. But the real abuser will turn it around on you and use it against you.
@@heavenlygrandma9992 "Reactive abuse" refers to the abuser, it describes the type of abuse they are doing. They are purposely causing the victim to react in order to instill guilt and shame. In no way does "reactive abuse" refer to the victim's actions in the same way that "physical abuse" doesn't refer to the victim pushing away their abuser. Reactive abuse can cause a victim to have an emotional reaction or even wrongly react themselves in an abusive way but "reactive abuse" still refers to the abuser and not the victim.
@@shake8569 It refers to your reaction. Yes, the abuser uses that tactic, but the REACTIVE part is coming from the abused. The abuser is not reacting. They are acting. The abused is reacting, hence reactive abuse.
One thing tricky for me is when, people say really hurtful and tactless things. Eg a friend who hadnt seen me for a while said 'man youve put on the weight'. I felt really shamed but just put it down to them being tactless. 😮
Stand up to a bully and they usually back down If they kick up a fuss that's on them They're not the boss of you Its time to break their holding pattern over you They balk you walk
if you are scared of his anger, you need to plan well. Find a place for abused women to stay, get some money behind you, research for all the places that can help you like church groups etc. Most of the time these people will back down but sometimes they just go over the edge too. I wouldnt be taking my chances. Plan it out and reclaim your life.
Your checklist is a LIFE SAVER!!!❤😊😢Wish I saw this your free download over 4 years ago, I wouldn’t have gone into two relationships that almost killed me. Thankfully I cancelled my wedding 7 days to the event, authored the book, RESCUED BY LOVE; WHY I CANCELLED MY WEDDING and I’m recovering now ❤🙏🤗Thank you for all you do
Wow, a guy I work with revealed himself as being toxic by mentioning that his wife cuts her onions wrong and he can't even get her to do it right. I hadn't seen this video yet, but when he said that I recognized that he no doubt an abusive husband at home. He wears an extremely friendly mask at work though. It wasn't that long ago that I would never have picked up the signs that someone is toxic at home.
Thankyou Christina! Ive come to realize my child is not only a mean alcoholic + always right, but also a narc. This child has now witheld grand children + draws the same partners around those grand children. I no longer participate, Im not the problem, Im a cancer warrior + won! Btw that child walked when i was going through the sergery & chemo. I thankyou so much for this chanbel, your honesty, empathy + compassion. You are so appreciated
I think you also have to take into account the circumstances when looking at someones behaviour, I feel I got off lightly because I never said I loved him. He also felt very comfortable in my house which has a good shed. They can play the long game, but at the end of the day, no matter how hard they try their brain goes on some tangent. He would often apologize eventually for things he said and say he didnt know why he said them. My take is he either wanted to hurt me or make him self feel better through feeding off my hurt or getting some attention any attention is better than none. And he admitted that he likes any attention. It must have been hard for him though because Id call out his behavour like if a conversation was having some weird loop Id just say well thats a whole lotta word salad right there and refuse to enter into the conversation again until i could do it via text. I think dealing with people or when dating a new person rather than figure out if they are a narc just figure out if they are someone with good character. A narc never has good character. Im glad I dont have to deal with his negativity anymore.
I was trying to have a conversation about a false accusation thrown at me moments before and how it made me feel. What I got in return was, I quote “why do you hate me?” I don’t hate you, I…(conversation over) These kind of things happen so often. Sometimes I feel like there is no point in trying to talk to this person because nothing can ever get accomplished in words.
Isolation...luckily my friends are loyal. And are relieved I'm leaving. "This is not the guy I know"....listen when that is said. These videos really help. Yes she calls me the narcissist, when people that have known me for decades say different. Even my ex-wife! Yep I called and asked! 😅😅😅😅 Get space, get perspective, and start a journal.
New narc boss. What I used to have 8 hours to do, I was given 6. Then 4. The remaining hours were filled with additional work. When I complained, my time allotment was reduced to 3 hours, plus additional work for the remaining time. Others in the department have been told to NOT help me. However, if any of THEM get behind, I am ordered to help them. Needless to say, the quality of my work has gone down the toilet. I am looking for different work but reading company reviews, what I am experiencing is the norm now.
I actually feel guilty for going no contact with someone that showed so many warning signs drawing me in and using her beauty to entice me . I investigated and was surely attracted to her. I was always a gentleman and outgoing but she started subtly showing her true nature and she has had a very traumatic past. I’m expecting a backlash because she’s gossiping with the group of people that do that constantly so it is a delicate balance to break away from what was so intriguing. This is a work scenario ( I know)... oh boy. I appreciate you channel. Any thoughts?
The over talking and yelling I have done and thought I was absolutely losing my mind because I don’t actually behave that way any where else in life with anyone. Seriously I hated everything about myself and was in a literal nightmare and fog for 20 years until my ex wife called me a narcissist. Never in my life did I ever hear that word used before and started researching what it was and it sent me down a road I was not so happy be on if I can honest. 4-5 years later studying personality disorders I realized why I was doing those things when her and I would argue. I started realizing the gaslighting and manipulation going on and how she was changing the events that happened and the lies were what was causing me to raise my voice and cut her off. I was trying to call her out on her lies and as soon as I would start yelling and cutting her off she would say…. See you can’t even control yourself and that shows you are the problem. One day I just kept going and going and going. Through everything. The events, the conversations, the wrongs I actually did and yes the wrongs she did. I was not going to allow her to gaslight me or manipulate me anymore. Now I am the toxic one because I have a list of everything that she has done to me. Things that she has done that almost caused me to take my own life. Yet because I have that list to remind myself of who she actually is now I am the toxic person because I just can’t let the list go and respect her because she’s the mother of our kids. Yet she has never apologized for any of the hurt she has caused because it’s my fault she did the abusive behavior and cheating. I had to basically heal alone and yet love my children at the same time as nothing was going on. I would love nothing more than to have a woman who I could just curl up with and run my fingers through her hair or trace her face and body. Go sit and look at stars. Just to have conversations and sip coffee and just be at peace with one another. Yet I am still in a lot of pain and don’t trust. I have never cheated on my ex wife nor have I ever physically abused her either. I can’t say I have never raised my voice at her because we have had some serious arguments but never had I wanted to change the story to suit my narrative. My father did that to my mother for 20 years. Cheated, manipulated,gaslighted and I realized how depressed my mother got the older she got and how much she lost of her self. Why would anyone ever want to do that to someone? Yet claim to be a godly man or a follower of Jesus. My father only followed one … himself. Now I see the same thing in my ex wife.. always letting me know about some great guy who is better at communicating and sex than I ever could be… yet if she was seriously settled in herself why would she have to tell me those things? She should be able to just live her life without letting me know what is happening in her life. Just let me love our kids and keep me out of whatever you are personally involved.
It’s so funny when you mentioned the Narcissist attempting to shift the conversation to something you said. When people speak to me in general my brain picks apart each word for its purpose and intent because I studied law and have the mentality to pick apart Legal Speak, Double Speak, etcetera. I never knew that would help me to pick apart a Narcissist as I do and continually call out her B.S. when I smell it. This is a Landlord not a Girlfriend so I’m staying put and making her limit her “foul mouth” while I’m around as I’ve stated to her. Difficult not to treat someone like that like a kid because I’m too mature spiritually and don’t hold back anything inside I need to speak. Now days I laugh more as I talk to her.. Kinda like “Yeah Ok, I’m sure you’re better than everyone else” as I walk away giggling..
The silent treatment I’m getting blocked that is so childish and so awful. I’ve probably been blocked and the silent treatment for the five-year term that I was with her probably 100 times was ridiculous. I told her it’s so childish.
I use to block my ex because she called all the time and she would start tearing me down, by guilt tripping, and blaming me for something. I couldn't take her verbal assaults. It was too hard to deal with. If she stubbed her toe, it was my fault. If we had a bad dinner, it was my fault because I rushed her. If we ate out and the food was terrible, it was my fault for poor service because I asked for water instead of soda. Just outlandish stuff. I had to leave the relationship.
o offense, none by any means, no kinde of threat ever solved anything. Just give them narcissists, there identical very same, taste of their own medicine. I gave it a try, & yes, yes it did work for me! + Thank you for your witty / smart advises.
I have experienced all of this at the hands of so called "Christians." One thing that is astounding to me is that when they come to visit they will ask to borrow something and never return it or they will take something without telling me and never admit they took it. All my narcissistic daughters have stollen from me. I don't get why they think they can just take things without asking and never feel any guilt about it. One time I asked one of our daughters who borrowed a coat and didn't return it, if that was my coat she was wearing, she remained silent, didn't answer me and walked out wearing it. I never got that coat back and it was one of my favorites. Now I avoid them and if they ever ask to borrow something I say no. It's not as though they need anything they have taken. I am wondering if they would do this to someone who is not their mother, just saying!!!! I don't trust them and don't want them to come around.
I had to stop the video when interrupting and talking over you were mentioned. My narc daughter is the queen. I've only spoken to her 3 times since May of 2022. Scratch that, I've been screamed at 3 times. I can not talk. Here's why. I'm telling the truth. She can only lie. I have a signed statement from a doctor who was told many lies by this soulless gourd. I took my wife off of our insurance? Are you insane? I retired from GM. My wife has the same benefits that I do. This is the extent to which the narc is willing to go to make me look bad. I intend to make her regret her slander and liable. Once we reach discovery, her lawyer will tell her to try to work out something with me. She'll refuse. Then, her lawyer will tell her that the video her father took shows her lying to a 911 operator. Going to trial could result in losing AND being charged with a crime. Then she'll agree to an offer. I won't. We're going to court. Talk over me then. Please. I'd love to see you be handcuffed and led out of court on your way to jail. All you had to do was be civilized. I don't want to do this, but I pleaded with you 3 times to not take my grandson out of my life, and you refused each time. I'll never be able to hurt you the way that you hurt me. But I'm damn sure going to try.
Anytime I needed or wanted to talk about anything, he wouldn’t be available but he expected me to throw a parade for him anytime he wanted to show his intellectual prowess. Then he’d start talking about this woman who wanted to sleep with him and tell me how smart and up-to-date she was on the same books he read. Thank god I have a strong mind because it took me a few months to figure this out, and a month or so to get rid of his toxic a$$. I feel like an absolute idiot but it could’ve been so much worse.
Can this be used in situationships? I’m starting to notice this girl at work that I hook up with will say she loves me and whatnot, then get super mad at pretty much nothing, then turn around and say accusatory shit (ie: i harass her) or flirt with literally anyone near her, ignore me entirely for months on end, then turn around and do stuff people claim is her “trying to get my attention” (ie: side eye me or hover around me any time i talk to any females or say hello to anyone that’s standing near me but nothing to me.) Just want to know if this sounds like a narcissist to anyone else..
There’s more to narcissism than just what you mentioned, however, beware of someone who demands constant attention. What you describe is someone looking to put you in the “if I can’t have you, no one else can” prison. Don’t fall for it. It is definitely not flattering
My X didn't take accountability. Blame game, complaining about small things, manipulation and gaslighting. My X found a rebound guy. Totally down graded. LOL. I blocked 🚫 her and no coming back. Karma is a biach
When you say something they don't want to talk about. Something they have done. And swits the topic, you pay attention and bring it up again like a broken record so he stop talking about something that is not the topic you want to talk about. They put you of balance, listen think is this what i want to discuss no i start again whe have a conversation about you have done that and that. The broken record is a nlp methode and its works perfectly with narc and salesman at your door and foon
I am in a relationship with a lady for three and a half years , she is beautiful but it's a May December relationship . I was 26 in July she was 51 in May .May of 2022 to April 2nd 2023 she found a guy who inherited a million dollars and was running around with him .April 2nd he was found dead with a microwave on his head ,KARMA? This guy is a dishonorable discharged the veteran he hit an officer . she said always just sticking up for himself .I said no the guy is purely no good . Anybody out there, ask a veteran, and you'll be told the same thing As an aside : my grandparents are honorably discharged veterans from Vietnam 66 to 68 ,my dad honorably discharged veteran from Desert Storm and other places ,I am an honorably discharged veteran from Afghanistan Army Captain . she is the quintessential narcissist .she hollers at me to diminish my points ,she calls me every name in the book,she is pure evil ! she drinks and that makes it worse. I want her dead seriously . She blames me and accuses me of doing things when she is the one doing it ! she says I run around with every woman out there .I actually will start the running around with women my own age ,when I leave her which hopefully will be very soon after her demise !am I mad about this this mistreatment you bet I'm mad about it and I want to preside over her demise, DEATH! I just subscribed to your Channel , God bless you ,Joey in Cleveland !
