High functioning BPD people are not violent, but they can get aggressive verbally when stressed. It’s usually because they feel unsafe and haven’t learned yet how to advocate for their needs and safety in a mature, calm way, more than likely because that wasn’t mirrored to them in childhood. This type needs a lot of reparenting, hand-holding and TLC, but with proper care and love, they’re tremendously loving people who are brave and fight for the people they love.
My mom is low functioning bpd. Thank god she doesn’t threaten she will kill herself anymore. How she would. Now, if no body care and there’s a doctor and nurses that live next to me and they don’t big deal and trust I can take care of my own, I’m trust my mom’s low functioning bpd will have tough moments but they will also pass too! :D
I just went through countless comments telling people with BPD that they should just let themselves rot. Thanks for your comment I’m not ashamed to admit it made my eyes water a bit 😢
Except they only fight for the people they "love" until they begin to "split"....then they treat you even more like garbage. People with BPD should probably be alone
@@mr.fettesq.7705 sure honey, you’re welcome to have your own opinion. But my question is, if you think so badly about them, why are you in relationships with them? They’re clearly people who are hurting, and the good ones (the high functioning ones) are trying to work out their inner kinks and demons to get to reintegrate back into 'normal' society by learning proper regulation of emotions. Having patience through this process is not everyone’s cup of tea, which is completely understandable. But you can’t go around in the world telling people what they should and shouldn’t be doing. I wonder if you would say the same thing about people who have other issues? No. Because we don't have that authority and because we can’t control others. We can only control ourselves. So, the logical conclusion seems to me that if you see someone exhibiting what you identify as BPD qualities, just bail out of the situation. No one will blame you for doing so. BPD people clearly need help, that’s for sure; and they definitely need to work on themselves, no denying this. And truthfully, if they don't put in the work needed (DBT, CBT etc.) to be able to get along in 'normal' society, they'll always be typecast as social pariahs. But I think the buck stops at you saying they should be alone, whereas the more appropriate response should be that you would avoid getting into relationships with them. And you would be completely within your rights to do so. But if a person works out their inner demons and becomes a ‘normal’ emotionally well-regulated human being, who is anyone to say that someone should be alone?
Fr fr 😢 sometimes I think my fiancé have something going on and I get really stressed and she is like but nothing is going on with me and I be like tell me the truth you are mad at me, why? 😅 but nothing is really happening
In all seriousness have any of you tried neurofeedback? It can help calm the amygdala down and as a result social functioning gets better. Bessel van der Kolk is also a good resource for c-ptsd which is often at the core of BPD.
Yes! Trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts ALL DAY LONG. And it's not unaliving only, it's bizarre paranoid scenarios of friends doing harmful things or suspecting loved ones of doing the most absurd stuff and having to weigh the evidence and fight to keep out of the black and white thinking that follows. Also, I am someone that attacks inward and see that I used to split myself rather than split others. I really appreciate you talking about this stuff!
Thank you for mentioning the paranoia. I struggle with that so much. Then I end up with an argument with my on wether I’m being paranoid or if it’s real
@@Inthemiddleofitwhy not? they are very empathetic and caring, only if triggered will they have an episode and go psycho so she obviously has done the work and wants to help fellow sufferers
@@Inthemiddleofit I have borderline personality disorder and even my therapist has said I'm deeply empathetic and having me in group is like having an extra therapist in the room. We have a great deal of insight into emotions in others in a way that we don't always have with ourselves. We're great at making people feel at ease quickly and earning the trust of others. As long as I keep to myself when I'm unwell I'm a wonderful person to be around and I've had lots of great feedback on that since recovery. It's not nearly as scary as you think.
This is so real for me, just this week someone made a neutral joke towards me and i took it as aggression and spoke out to defend myself only to feel foolish when they told me they were just joking.
FOR REAL! And then I don't know whether to feel foolish or feel like they're gaslighting me so I'm stuck between a swing of splitting where I'm toxically aggressive and should never open my mouth ever again and then it swings to they're gaslighting me and taking advantage of my inability to tell people's emotions apart.
@@AthenaBaucumomfg the paranoia!! Because we have this tendency to gravitate towards narcissists, I don’t trust my own judgment! However things have changed. Now I only have close relationships with people and that means I didn’t invite anyone into my circle unless they’re kind and I am SURE of it. Now when I get triggered I can easily talk myself off the ledge. “Yeah Brian did X again but you know he’s the nicest person you’ve ever met and he didn’t mean anything by it”. And for those friends who I’m really tight with- they will know I have BPD and this be willing to hear me say later “hey I’m sorry I reacted like that. So you understand… BPD is almost like neurodivergence where we can’t always read the room properly and if I read it wrong I’m sorry for that”. And if they’re worth keeping around, they’ll accept that apology and talk to me about what I just told them.
Can you talk about how some BPD sufferers walk on eggshells around others? Because my family member who suffers from it isn't comfortable being assertive as his family taught him and were *adamant* about him being passive--- a doormat. Not passive-aggressive. Just passive. He is scared to stand up for himself or to correct others assertively. It affects his basic functioning amongst people. He goes back to being a doormat because then he doesn't upset others. Because some people push his boundaries and get mad when he is assertive and stands firm. This is a negative myth that needs to be disspelled---not all BPD sufferers make others walk on eggshells...a lot of them walk on eggshells themselves. I am able to help him out whenever I can. This issue is something that renders him exhausted.😢😒🙄
I have this issue. It is hard for me to express an opposing opinion because I fear criticism or being hated. I'm always on the fence about everything. I can also flip-flop between ideas, morals, and values just to agree with someone. I know it makes me seem untrustworthy to some while being a "sweetheart" to others because I don't rock the boat. I fear standing up for myself because, as I said, I don't want to be hated and I believe my self-worth is so low that I can't come up with any positives to really justify standing up for myself in the moment. I also never really learned to stand up for myself. I remember my mom yelling at me for not standing up for HER when my friends would call her cheap or mean and I was only seven. I have a hard time saying no as well to the point that when I do say no to something, people just ask me why? It always seems like "because I don't want to" or "I'm busy" isn't enough, so I cave and agree instead. I can't keep boundaries and it's hard for me not to cross them as well. I'm still unsure how to change but for now, I'm tired of trying different therapies.
@@returnoftheromans6726 Do you experience the same? I'm sorry if you do. I'm so lost right now. I was w/ someone long-distance for five years and they finally found someone else and I fear I'll never find another who will accept me the way I am although I was put down a lot for it by him... I'm trying to focus on myself but it's so hard.
This is largely my experience with BPD. I walk around on eggshells around most people because I'm worried that any little thing I do might annoy people and cause them to yell at me. I always feel like everyone else's needs are more important than my own. I often end up in situations I'm very uncomfortable with because other people never take "no" as an answer from me and just keep pushing. During recovery, I have found that people without BPD in general tend to be a lot worse with boundaries than they seem to think. They like having boundaries but don't like respecting others' boundaries. They're happy to tell me what their boundaries are or get upset if I unintentionally cross a boundary, but they cross boundaries I've communicated all the time and then tell me I'm just being "too sensitive" when I tell them they've crossed my boundaries.
Maybe. But ask yourselves if you are expecting people to tolerate bad behavior that Noone should tolerate, and just be understanding or neutral. That is bratty "petulant" behavior to expect no reaction or a good reaction.
I’m going Monday for an evaluation. It’s been a lifetime of intense emotional pain on a day to day basis with maximum human exhaustion from attempting to cope with it all. My relationships are a wreck, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not sometimes and I’m struggling. Giving my life to Christ has helped tremendously, but God is saying to me in this hour it’s time to talk with someone because it’s okay to use those who He has blessed with the knowledge to assist me better. My ultimate healing has to come from Him, but there is great purpose in our mental health professionals. I’m afraid but I’m ready. Wish me the best.
I am a high functioning bpd. My biggest dream was to become a therapist. It hurts so much that I'm too ill and even got myself to the point where I thought I could do anything due to how I thought I was able to regulate my emotions after 10 years of therapy. Turned out that I can't. That I wasn't made for this society and how the system operates. I wish this would be a pessimistic worldview but believe me I tried so freaking hard and in the end realized that my fear of judgment made me a retard that cries in front of a crowd of 3 people. It's so hard to not be jealous, so freaking hard for me. After all the work I put myself through to love myself I just had to realize that all I did was never enough. No matter how hard i tried and how many battles I actually won in the end the world just has shown me that I would never be able to do the shit I wanted to, it hurts to feel so different to anyone else.
Oh wow, I really relate to this. I desperately wanted to become a therapist when I grew up. My own childhood therapist was the most important adult in my life. But I got scared and talked myself out of it once I went to college. I told myself I just didn’t want to go to school for 8 years but the truth is, I’m so empathic (codependent) that I can’t separate my emotions from others in pain. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. So I kept taking classes hiking to find another passion. That’s when I realized I could become an art teacher (I was born gifted). Except I talked myself out of that too. Then after everything in my life went to sht and I severely injured my back, I was forced to go back to school and make SOMETHING happen. I just finished grad school and I’m now a certified public school teacher. I am still terrified but I am walking through that fear one baby step at a time! Girl, it’s gunna be ok. Go within, figure out what you WANT and take one step up that staircase at a time until you reach the top ❤
I'm BPD as well...I'm 56, and been in therapy since I was 4. I used to be a #8 on a scale of 1-10 as a borderline, now I'm basically a #2, though if I feel like my therapist dissed me, or I feel she is being cold, my borderline comes out a bit, but I can now recognize it for what it is. Still hurts though. You CAN get through this, girl...I KNOW what it's like, the horrid pain, etc, but although therapy can be a lifelong thing, you CAN do it. From the bottom of my heart, to all borderlines out there, I send you BIG HUGS xoxo
You have bpd? I have bpd. You're confident, smart and can express yourself clearly, definitely and with sense and certainty. You're intimidating. You make me understand myself and why people don't like me or why narcissists go out of their way to attack and destroy me. Watching you express yourself clarifies why I'm a narcissists worse nightmare. There is no way a person like yourself would put a narcissist on a godlike pedestal without dropping them hards when you call bs. And you'll make it a point to out them. and then feel like a whole load of crap for it. and then the cycle continues. . . Thanks for this.
I am 47 I have adhd I have BPD for the full! Finally i get help! Afther all those years of chaos and destroying myself and everybody around me ... One day ....... one day i find peace ❤
I have ADHD and autism, and I'm 38. I was diagnosed with BPD about 6 years ago, and this year I was tested, and I no longer fit the criteria. I don't have it anymore. There is hope, you will find peace, and you will walk down that hill with flowers in your hair. You got this. I'm so proud of you, I'm rooting for you, and I believe in you, because I know you're absolutely capable. There's a light that never goes out. You got this, my dear friend. 🫂🩵🦋
This made me tear up because it’s me. After researching some more I think I may have this. I’m going to see a dr soon for evaluation and Just wanted to say, thank you.
I have watched a few videos and research i also thinks i have it buttt I'm not gonna go to a doctor I'm scared my mother will say i m crazy or something and take my phone which gives me calming down my emotion music sooooo yeah And i hope you don't have it may God bless you ❤
I love how open you are about your BPD. It's really inspiring. Seeing you succeed and grow gives me hope for my own future, hope that I can manage my own BPD and maintain healthy long-term relationships well into the future. Thank you for being you!
@@madisonjones7306Consider your parenting may be a factor. It also highly depends on which cluster B disorder she's been diagnosed with. Please also keep in mind there's a high probability she has one or more comorbid mental illnesses along with her personality disorder. Depression and anxiety and CPTSD have a lot of crossover with BPD specifically.
@@wendi2819 The worst is when people bash pwbpd in comment sections of videos *made for pwbpd*. It's like, why the fuck are they here? And why are they punching down so desperately? This video was made so people like us can learn how to get better, not for people like them to rant about their exes being pieces of shit.
This explains why I'm always asking people if they are mad. Everyone looks mad or frustrated half the time but they always tell me they aren't. I'm actually thr least violent person I know. I can get really loud when I'm triggered and really mean and I have a really hard time stopping myself from shaking and seething. Just found out yesterday my wife of 6 years doesn't love me the way I do her. I kind of had a feeling but unfortunately when I asked in the past she lied because it was to hard to tell thr truth. Looks like I'm gonna develop another trigger. Just wish I could have a normal relationship with someone for once. So sick of always being way more involved than my partner. I know some of that is my own fault, but that doesn't make it hurt less.
ive been struggling for months and months on the verge of doing things i would definitely regret. im not better now but i feel more aware. my friend with BPD talked to me about it today and im already scheduling an appointment bc every video i watch i feel like describes my symptoms and how i act. i hate it and i hope i can grow. thank you for sharing this.
Good luck. I am currently talking to someone, and I believe I may have Borderline Personality Disorder as well. So far, I have only been diagnosed with major anxiety and depression, and a while back--ADHD. I am a Catholic, and I have to say this, haha: God Bless...and take care.
i love how all this is so true and extremely necessary to talk about, there’s some much people should learn about BPD is great seeing you talk about it! 💜
Yes perfectly said this is how I’m feeling an I believe it’s happened from the childhood abuse I’ve endured repetitive abuse that keeps on happening an also from the toxic relationship I was in.
God I wish I could have sat and had a chat with you about my BPD ex to try to work out a way to help her and keep our relationship. Still feel really bad for her as she clearly has a lot to deal with and has had a really rough past. But also don't know if it was her BPD that was the issue or if she just didn't like me... It's such a mind f.
@@introvertedbrainygirl181 thanks for your insight. The thing that frustrates me is that I don't expect anyone to use any energy to be in a relationship... I'm quite happy to just do me and let them do them and coexist and when they have good days and want to do more then do that. When you say you don't have the energy is it that you don't want the hassle of being who you think you need to be within a relationship?
@@introvertedbrainygirl181 thank you so much for replying to me, glad you didn't take offense to my comment at all. Believe me, you're normal for feeling like you're not normal... At least I think so. No one feels normal, whatever that is. And you can only know if your relationship is right if you allow yourself to be in it while not putting on an act. Be yourself, I know that's a very cliche and even irritating thing to be told, believe me. It can set off internal questions of who am I, what do I want, why is life so bloody difficult... Etc. But you really don't need to put on a mask, or at least you shouldn't with the person you're with. You should just be with them, not all the time, not just to appease them all the time, but just when you feel you can and sometimes when you feel you ought to do it for them. At the end of the day, no one says what they're thinking all the time, no one acts in the way they think about acting a lot of the time. Everyone wears a mask all the time, just with your significant other that 'mask' shouldn't be quite so opaque. I realise the thought of being your true self in front of the person you at least care about enough to have got this far with may be scary or seem like a stupid idea, but surely trying that and seeing how things go is better than giving up on a relationship entirely. You are good enough to be in a relationship without having to pretend to be something you're not. But... You also can't want a relationship only when it suits you, it is after all a commitment and the idea is for the both of you to, on average, make life better and easier for each other. Please don't take that lot as a lecture or a you must do this sort of comment, it's just the way I see things, if you have any counter arguments or can inform me of difficulties that I don't know about or seem to not understand I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts. No matter how 'not normal' they may be.
@@introvertedbrainygirl181 strange thoughts, like worrying about people's true motives? Or worrying about your own authenticity or whether the commitment aspect of a relationship is right for you? Just throwing some internal dialogue options out there for you to address if any of them sound familiar.
@@introvertedbrainygirl181 ah that old chestnut, something bad could happen... Well, there is always the possibility of things not working out, I can't sit here and say it definitely won't. But if you can be honest to the person you're with about your concerns and allow them to discuss them with you then surely that is the best way to try to make sure nothing bad does happen. At least that way you won't be pretending or trying to hide your feelings. Just try to make sure when you do discuss these things that it's done in the calmest and most reasonable way possible so that defensive responses and emotional outbursts are minimised and remember that, to someone that cares about you but maybe hasn't had these thoughts themselves, some of your fears may seem irrational or dare I say silly... Not that they are, just that they may not be able to understand the way you feel as they don't see that world that way. You may have to try to have a bit of patience in how you express your feelings to them. But obviously take your time about it, you don't have to always be moaning at them, just when things feel like they're bubbling up too much, try to get it out before it gets too much. It sounds like you really care about your other half, otherwise you wouldn't be saying that you feel like you've put them through hell. So I guess the best thing you can do is be open and honest with them, not only to show them you care, but also to alleviate your feelings of guilt and being drained by pretense. I know it sounds so simple for me to just sit here and say this, but in reality the very thought of having this kind of discussion may be far more difficult. But hey, what else can you do. At least trying to consciously choose when to have these talks means you can do it when you feel more in control of how you say things and it won't come out in anger or in an emotionally charged reaction. Hope that all makes sense and I don't sound patronising or anything 😬
Makes sense on why my mom would always say, "You're making a face at me." Or say my face looks negative in someway when I'm feeling neutral. It was always hard for us to get along, especially after the dude she married caused me to lose my smile.
It tore my heart out to leave my BPD ex. But I had to for my own mental health. My cup was perpetually empty. No matter how much I put into her, I never got my needs met back. I tried, I really did.
I hear you. I went through the same thing. My undiagnosed BPD ex was terrified of being abandoned. She would get angry for any action that could be perceived as abandonment. I myself suffer from anxiety and in the end couldn't handle it anymore. It felt like walking on eggshells. So i ended the relationship after 6 months. It felt like leaving my child. 😢
There is a scene from the movie Mr. Nob ody that explains bpd as if there is a bear near andyou chase away the bear protecting them but the bear isn't there anymore but the fear is so you protect them from the nonexistent bear
Thank you so much, I have been diagnosed with EUPD and It upsets me when people think I'm going to be violent. I internalise my upset. I have got more from your videos than my psychiatrist thank you for being honest. X
I cried when u said you were a therapist 😢 pretty sure I have this. Been referred for the therapies used for it, and am aware of my behaviour always fitting this category in good and bad times
Happy to come across this and learn this. My ex fiancee told me she had BPD. She explained how her childhood was traumatic for her. Long story short I seen her push me away and pull me back once a month for about 6 months straight until she told me she needed to end our relationship because she needed time to heal. It's very difficult dating someone with this condition.
I was in a relationship with what I think was a BPD man-or he at least had some strong BPD traits. Understanding he is sick and that his behavior is a disease has helped me to forgive and move on. It was the most painful relationship and breakup of my life-mostly because I myself grew up with trauma much like he did. The unpredictability of his mood swings, temper tantrums and accusations over small things inevitably led to my own mental health to deteriorate and I left the relationship. Loving someone who you know isn’t ready or willing to get help is so hard.
The last one hit home, I find myself constantly asking friends if I’m being annoying or if we’re cool based on the way I think they feel about me and the way there expression comes off
The weird thing with me is I sense they are upset but then I tell myself I’m over thinking and it turns out to be true they end up ghosting me so I wasn’t wrong 😑
I always try to make it simpler for people by explaining having BPD is like being special needs, you don't call someone who are autistic or have adhd weird. But with BPD it's like being special needs with severe emotional dysregulation and suicidal tendencies
As someone with all of which, that's actually a really good comparison. Autism and ADHD show a lot of very similar traits as BPD, such as rejection sensitivity, social understanding struggles, etc.
Oh my god you made it you made a the dream happen you want to do be therapist helping people to since I am little and I have BPD but I don't think I'm gonna make it out of bed since Wednesday everything is just getting too much for me I'm constantly crying and I am constantly overwhelmed but I am so happy that you made it happy that you can help people
Oh my God I have suicidal ideation almost daily and it’s so exhausting. I don’t have a therapist anymore because therapists do not like borderlines on my own relying upon whoever answers the phone at a suicide crisis line so I just give up I’m exhausted living with this disorder is maddening and exhausting. I don’t know how long I can it much more. I can’t believe I’ve made it to 61 years old without ending my life.
I believe my adult daughter has this. She cuts me off, at least once a year, whenever I have to tell her "no". I have learned to not attack, remain loving and respect her boundaries by waiting for her to reach out to me. It's extremely difficult to deal with her. Walking on eggshells, trying to soothe or redirect her from daily triggers can be so exhausting that I've lost 7lbs in 1 week trying to "deal" with her. I miss my little girl but I don't miss who she has become.
I've been in many places and almost everytime. I scan each and every face. I can't tell why Im not able to relax. Is everyone like this? Why did that guy just glance and stare for slightly to long? What did that women say? Why is the entire room staring at me? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT!? now they are all a threat. I need to leave. I need to go home and stay there. Now I have a question.. why does the calm seem like chaos? It's all we've ever known. Much love and insight from some guy who struggles just to accept the very image in the mirror. Something labeled and diagnosed as BPD BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
You are the only one I have heard suggest some of us push anger inward depending on what happened in childhood. Some push out and I chose a deep deep self anger & sham turned inward. Always wondered why I chose inward Hurt me not others
My son has always had a hard time sending people real mood through their facial expressions. The other day he lashes out at someone he percieved as being hostile (he was already stressed out) when they were just standing there and asking a question. It can really be alarming sometimes. He even questions if I'm angry if I'm not visibly smiling. I have to remember to not look too stern
im the aggressive and detached type & my friend is the extremely attached and insecure type our relationship is slowly deteriorating, i genuinely dont know what to do im awfully bad at controlling myself and my feelings/emotions
I only get violent when people are violent or threatening to be violent with me. All arguments with family growing up almost always turned violent, and they wouldn't ever let me walk away
Omg instant follow - I've been pushing my long term bf away from me by picking fights with him - he gets angry at me and that makes it easier for me to justify breaking up with him, because I always feel like I need to start over - then eventually things start getting back to normal again, and I sabotage all over. I have PTSD from my past traumas and I hold everything in for awhile, then it all comes flooding back. It's a bad cycle and I need help.
this is too confusing for me cuz now idk if i’ve seen my friends face before and he was making like a demon face or if i was tripping but it was threatening and i don’t remember much after it im so confused
I hope that if a therapist has BPD they are really self aware before they try to help others, that could make things worse for patients say a patient has PTSD and not BPD.
I go inward because if I become violent the shame and guilt I feel afterwards is too much for me. So I just shut down, it’s better that way for everyone.
Third one, spot on! Even through recovery, I still get triggered by neutral faces. They look menacing and I feel like I’m ‘in trouble’ or something. It is horrible. My borderline mother used to have that vacant, mean, cold look often as a child…I understand the connection yet I still cower at neutral faces
Can a person with quiet BPD never act out , no rage ever ? No addiction at all , no impulsivity, no auto hurt ? I was diagnosed with BPD but more I learned about it more confuse I get because I am not like that. I do have symptoms like emotional instability, fear of abandonment, but I hide stuff like , the extremely suffering about anything I keep to myself only. The only thing that makes me very vulnerable is my exaggerated empathy, that gets me in trouble because I am always wearing other people shoes and feeling their pain. Am I really a bordeline?
I'd recommend reminding them as much as possible that you care for/love them. We often need reminders due to our brains taking the smallest things and making it into a sign that someone hates us.
Im not sure if it is still an "unofficial" version of BPD but i was diagnosed with Quiet BPD. Im not violent to anyone. I dont yell at or attack anyone. I attack myself and only myself. But i still hurt those only by cutting them out of my life. The thing is, the people that feel hurt by my leaving, i always feel guilty for. But, in my mind, i feel like everyone would see it easier or feel better if i left their lives.
And than you attack innocent people because you imagined they are attacking you. And we are just chilling out :))) You have to learn to think before acting, it will save you a lot of grief. Speaking from experience. My ex imagined something that is not true, found that extremely offending. Years after he realized he was mistaken and there he is, hoovering for the last 20 years. He is miserable as f..., of course blames everybody else for his mistakes and he will die bitter. And all for no good reason, instead what is going on in his head. And yes, he never apologized for ghosting me for no reason, I found that offensive and never came back. He is alone, empty and angry at the world...poor me mentality :))) For those of you BPD out there, work on your triggers because you will be very sorry one day, and some of us will never come back. We can also be fed up with your bullsh... Just my 5 cents.
Having an ex doesn't make you a BPD expert. It's not just "imagination." It's intense spiderwebs of horrible thoughts that stem from triggers. We usually struggle to properly assess a situation due to how our brains work. That's not our fault. That is the BPD. It's not a choice. It's a disability. Please don't ablesplain such a horrible struggle to us just because you had a bad experience.
@@vintagecrayon4504 Yes, you are right. I saw the MRI image of the brain of the borderline and there is not much activity in prefrontal cortex. It is a biological impairment to be able to think before feel and rationalize the situation. But still, people with BPD attack others because of this. I understand it is a biological impairment and they should practice DBT because of themselves mostly. To be able to have relationships and be satisfied in them. And my ex was comorbid with NPD, sorry if I offended you. He just left an awful memory that I am working to forget. I listened to Sam Vaknin videos and a lot more others and the controlling thoughts is possible. Thank you for answering!
High functioning quiet borderline here- I’ve never attacked anyone first in my whole life, but nearly everyone who has ever taken a swing at me has found out what it’s like to be beaten senseless by a crying fat man who won’t stop until he’s dragged away. The same very much applies emotionally- in my experience this is not the abusive disorder it’s been made out to be- it’s an intensely reciprocal one- whatever you give me you’ll get back in spades, whether its gifts, loyalty, love, criticism, or violence.
The more I hear how BPD works the more I feel it is likely I have it. It's very scary, I don't know why I act the way I do. I want to act normally and sane. I treat my girlfriend bad often, because I want to push her away and not have to feel like she has any power over my emotions when she does things that are hurtful, but I love her to death.
Don’t self diagnose. A lot of things present like BPD including ADHD. The difference is BPD hostility lasts for longer periods of time while ADHD is short and normally regretted. While BPD never apologise and gaslight everyone into thinking their victim is the abuser. They use isolation and silent tactics to victimise their victims and are quite literally the worst people you will come across but present as the most lovely caring individuals until they snap for no reason. Avoid them at all cost.
I have BPD with AvPd, Chronic depression, GAD and agoraphobia. I've never physically harmed anyone but have done it to myself.This is painful and especially so when people judge us from those with violent BPD that is comorbid with NPD, ASPD ir Sociopathy or Psychopathy. It's not fair that we get judged by their actions and Hollywood depicting us as psychopaths for drama and sensationalism.
I am losing hope today. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I wanna give up on life and stay in bed. I don’t even care if I lose everything rn because what is the pint when life will never get better? When I will be fighting my own freaking personality my whole life. When I will eventually end up alone so I don’t suck people into my toxic mind. I can’t stop it. I don’t know how bad it is until I’m in it and it’s too late. I’m trying. I keep remembering that saying about the two wolves. The one that wins is the one you feed. I feel like the bad wolf already won. It keeps eating me, and spitting me out and eating me. I never have enough strength to get up again before it eats me again.
First and last is me. I really struggle with the last one. Then I get paranoid and start dwelling and start turning into myself and avoiding people. I hate it
Depressive/Internalized BPD. I may speak of shocking violent behavior, however I could never act on those words. Only in self defense or for my job (corrections officer) have I committed an action of violence. When I'm in a state of extreme duress My words have a tendency to become shocking and as recently described traumatizing. Hard truths to swallow. I believe it to be a defensive mechanism to drive away a person whom I perceive in the moment on the extreme negative scale. When the wave subsides I experience extreme grief as the whole time I am in that state of duress it as if I am watching a movie I can't pause or stop. That aspect gives me hope. If I can learn to realize I actually have the choice to stop, hit pause and "proof read the script" I may be able to lessen the intensity and frequency of those episodes of duress. I'm angry, but not violent unless it is necessary for physical survival or to save another life
