In the meantime, check out some of my videos in my *RED FLAGS, DAMAGED WOMEN, NARCISSISTS* playlist: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
@@davidhelton7810 You're in the same boat as others who are away from home a lot. Big topic. Some of the tips in this playlist may help once you've got a fish on the line: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dmL9oX8sipAqb8dA58sBHCU
Heres' one for ya Anna...my x (now she is)....all was fine, I was planning on a birthday surprise for her with a relocation, and a nice custom birth stone ring...we had spoken 5 days eariler, and she was overly upbeat...I know know what that was about...but about 3 days after talking with her, and I am packing my rig for the road trip, she calls at a normal time..I answer and say Hi , what going on? she tells me verbatum THIS:.."I know youre driving over to get the prequalification on the real estate done this weekend, but when you get into town, don't stop by to see me, because I met a guy I really like, and I still want to help you find a house to get, so make sure ya call me about that.." then she blabbered on about something because at that point I was thinking'OH F>>>OFF", Jo Ann"...and I just cut her off and said' Bye Jo" .then hung the phone up...now.got any advise on that one? I cancelled the ring, and thank goodness they didn't make me pay for it, because they had just built the silver size 7 , and had not cut' or set any gems....but I still went and got pre qualified for my house....but since that time, haven't really made up my mind what I plan on doing...any thoughts for me, Anna...? steve
Hi, im curious to know if your willing to do conference calls for guidance. Possibly through Zoom. Im willing to pay by the hour. Sometimes people have a story to tell and need deeper insights. Please let me know thanks. Great video thanks.
Take you up on that video on _how to fight_ ... and also if there is already a video or if you plan to have a video about how to make a gal comfortable with being wrong and what it is that behind not wanting/scared to.
It sux iam a kind hearted male but recently have been red pilled no more beta male mentality and happy and peace with god iam tired of there evil plots and manipulation women dont love men red pill
@@armandoalmanzan8038 Since you're here already, I recommend going through Wingmam's other videos. She's more accurate and practical than red-pill, and frankly more respectable too.
@@AdrianColley "She's more accurate and practical than red-pill." Dude the 'red pill' is just a reference to waking up to 'the' true nature of reality. It's an oddly movie reference to the Matrix and it is used in a variety of contexts. Oh and are you so sure that being 'respectable' isn't a manipulation trick?
I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, it's better to enjoy your own company and focus on personal growth. If you ever want to explore the positives of being single, check out my Stay Single playlist - it might resonate with you. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GKE9sKwjH_g.html&pp=gAQBiAQB
Was engaged, she picked a fight over something silly. "Cut me off for a week" as punishment. Following Friday she started getting frisky, let me know my week was up. I replied with "okay your week starts now". She broke down crying ans said something to the effect of her friends from work told her to do that so she could control me. I let her know she should not take advice from those friends anymore.
Oh yes they are. Lots and lots of them. You don't hear about it because unlike them us men do not believe in support groups to whine, bitch and complain. We really should though.
1 Guilt Trips 2 Mean Sarcasm 3 Silent Treatment 4 Excuses for No affection/sex/fun 5 It is your fault I feel this way 6 They are never wrong Additional: 7 False accusations 8 Threatens the existence of the relationship 9 Says the relationship is over and that you will regret losing me (her) (but she may be convinced to come back)
My bonus #6 in the video is slightly different (maybe watch that part again) but your additions are spot on! Here are some more: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
You touched on it with the hair example. To women knowledge is power. Be vary careful what truths you trust to her. In years to come you will pay for your honesty.
Ex pulled the silent treatmetnon me - the 'I you loved me you would know why I am upset." bs. I grabbed the keys to my bike went for a ride. I tured off my phone - I rode for 9 days - toured 5 states. When I got back - she game me the 'We need to talk' mode. I told her we really didn't. "We're done. 9 days without you was the best week of my life from the last 2 years." The Silent Treatment is a reward to guys - most of the times we are sick of listening to y'all anyhow.
Perfect, i do that all the time, i am either on my bike or taking flying lessons. I say sorry we did not have plans for the weekend, so i went for a ride or to the airport to take lessons. I told her i am not a mind reader, i dont suscribe to astrology or tarot cards, if you need something from me you have to speak to me and tell me directly what you want to do. i am not here to keep you from being bored!! I'm out!! my time, effort and resources are valuable to me!
The attention seeking woman confirms what we all know. You are a real man. I'm sure your ex pulled the silent treatment scam many times before. She over-played her hand once too often...
Im so happy i clicked, i was dating a 26 year old and she would cook , clean, run my bath water, rub my back, and the bedroom was amazing but little did i know i was being manipulated. She quickly wanted a relationship, i told her no and that we needed to wait after about 2 months she just told everyone we was together, even though we never discussed it. She said she loved me but i never said it because i witness her telling everyone that she loved them, when i called her out she changed for a few weeks but once i gave up n gave her the relationship. She instantly became distant and broke up with me. She blocked me and started her silent treatment. Instead of chasing her i left because all along i felt she wasn't being honest. I didn't fall inlove but it did hurt, only cause i thought she was genuinely the one. Thank you for sharing. Its great to see a woman expose these toxic traits women use against us kind hearted men.
Yeah, relationships are hard! I was married to my ex for 15 years and 90% of the marriage was great. In the end, she was nuts and emotionally abusive. Now even though our marriage was mostly good, I'm happy being single. I don't know if relationships are worth it if they end really bad. That's why I don't easily go into a relationship unless there's a lot of potential.
There are some great benefits to staying single for sure and sometimes you're better off! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GKE9sKwjH_g.html
It’s true sometimes we are not with the right person. But all relationships take work. Many who say that they are better off alone are trying to convince themselves of that.
relationships are difficult because people in general are difficult. If you look at the world, we are killing ourselves in one way or another. I am divorced 5 years and nO LONGER want to play the "GAME" ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!!!
Glad you escaped! If you ever decide to consider another relationship watch some of my other red flags videos first: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
In the dating world, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way.
2 года назад
if you want someone to go your way, buy a sheep or dog. if you want an intelligent creature, live parallel lives that benefit both sides. Simple, yet very few understand it. It is all about usefullness in nature ;-) You won't buy food, to let it rot...you don't buy a car to let it stay in garage...you bought it because you wanna use it for your life. That is whole secret, worry about your usefullness
My wife accused me of being insensitive, she was on that for several years....finally I explained to her "honey, I used to shoot people for a living, how sensitive do you think I'm gonna be"? (17 years In Army SF)....she was like "Oh yea", end of that nonsense.....btw, the silent treatment is a gift from The Lord Almighty....lol
Interesting information. I fell for all these tricks. Had young children with a narcissistic female. Stayed married for 14 years. Hated every second. But i finally got free when when she found her Rich Guy. I ran away happily ever😃💢. Ill never get married again. I even had surgery to ensure no baby trapping could ever anchor me again. Great video. I love knowing that
I feel for you! Glad you escaped! Even though you'll never marry again, watch out for other red flags if you're considering dating a woman: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
Your circumstances match mine James. I was unhappily married for 14 years with 2 kids. When I left her she was truly shocked. She believed I was under her complete control. An acrimonious divorce followed and she denied access to the kids. 30 years later and the 'kids' still won't contact me.
@@peterflynn1250 I must know fifty guys with similar stories. Brainwashing the kids to hate their dad is what I call the "WMD" of dirty divorce tactics. Every time I hear some kid talk about how he's "Getting Married" I have to restrain myself from telling him he's out of his f'n mind.
After nearly thirty years in a marriage where every single manipulation tactic was used on me, and a good bit at the end I knew and stayed anyway, I finally did get a divorce. I was disrespected and allowed it and did not like or respect myself. The silent treatment would go on for over a week until I had to apologize for something and withholding of sex was hard to tell considering how much it was withheld in general. All in all, I am in a much better space now, and like these videos as they remind me how I am in control of my side of any relationship I decide to be a part of.
I feel bad for you. 30 years... That shows your loyalty and devotion but unfortunately it was one sided. You finally found the strength to leave and good for you. You finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know what you mean. 15 yrs for me….Silent treatment.☹️ The last silent treatment was nearly 2 weeks. I mean as you know, I just didn’t exist and it’s horrible. A bit of emotional blackmail too.😕 My escape from a possible event horizon was, I sat down and thought…do I want this for the next 5 years? NO!….. When she came home I was very calm and told her I was moving out for good. And you know what, that’s exactly what I did. Good bye and good riddance! All I wanted was to be loved and to give love. It wasn’t all the time but there’s only so much you can take. Why it took 15 yrs…no children…I don’t know. Much happier now.😊😎🇬🇧🇬🇧
Note what the commentator is saying. Testing men. Silent treatment hot and hold game playing hard to get game. I have a headache game to punish men. Totally irrational waste of time..its ur fault. Wow incredible. How do they get away with this behavior.
9:30 - 9:45 "Just because good behavior is there doesn't mean bad behavior should be accepted." THANK YOU! I struggled with this one big time for a very long time in my life.
Did you see my video review on Darius' Psychology of Ignoring a Woman? (Can't remember is I saw your name in the comments.) ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Js5f173Kpsc.html
I feel bad for myself because I live for 15 years with a narcissist. I’m finding it out after seeing many of your videos. Thanks for the information you’re passing out there. It helps us. I’m focusing now on myself. Thank you.
I was married to a narcissist. She withheld all the time, and always chatted up other guys online, or on dating sites. And by the way, "it's your fault" is usually used by narcs as a blame-shifting tactic in order to escape accountability. If she turns out to be a narcissist, there's usually only one thing to do about it, and that is to get out of the relationship.
I got away from a somatic narcissist in July after being a widower for 5 yrs...It was my first experience with a narc and it blew me away to learn there were cold black hearted people like that.
I've survived homelessness, military combat, and the abandonment of my friends and family all before the age of 25... Now at 32 having gotten a college degree, doing a job that pays damn well and leaving social media, I'm not likely to be moved easily if at all. You can't manipulate someone who: doesn't fear death, learned interrogation techniques, is heavily disciplined in multiple martial Arts and does NOT fit into any social mold or societal construct of any kind. I am usually able to tell within minutes how strong somebody's character is and their mental strength is. If she's a 20 to 39 year old teenager, then that's a product of how she was raised which is NOT my problem. I don't need a woman in my life. But that does not mean I don't want a women in my life. It just means I don't want a girl, because I want a lady. A strong but feminine lady who isn't brainwashed to think I'm superior or inferior to her. If she tries to manipulate me not only is it going to blow up in her face real quick, she's going to learn real quick what happens to me when you try to employ childish tactics on someone who's done and witnessed more things in life than most men will ever see in an entire lifetime. If its not for love, growth, sex, and betterment of both parties, then I'm not doing it. I am incorruptible and fearless.
Gosh, I hope you’re interested in creating a family by getting married to this wonderful woman when you do find her. Relationships are not mechanistic reward systems, they are based on transcendent love and building a legacy for the future.
I got manipulated because I lacked self worth. I also attracted unhealthiness because I wasn't healthy either. I worked on myself and now I attract only the amount of work I have done on myself.
Good advise. How to fight properly. My wife and I agreed early on that either one of us can call a time-out. That means we stop the conversation then and there and resume in a couple of hours with cooler heads. This strategy has worked well for us. Also, no name-calling ever. Admit when you're wrong, meaning be more humble.
The only thing wrong with this post was there was no "read more" link where the text stopped....all excellent points, I'm stealing one to use with my wife....thx for sharing
You cannot admit you are wrong to a female. They will use it against you, and they may forget to pick up the dry cleaning, but they will never forget that you made a mistake. Oh, BTW! They hate it when you point out past transgressions.
I'm sitting hear watching this insightful video with a Monster drink in my hand and I'm feeling really content with my life knowing I don't have relationship problems anymore. For those who are actively engaged in one I wish you the best of luck.
When your partner shows you who they are with their actions believe them. If they continue to manipulate/control you leave because the only thing you can control is your own actions. Violent manipulative people will bring out the worse in any person regardless of their demeanor.
2 года назад
exactly, that is what you hear from all those poor "victims". Nobody can manipulate/upset/hurt you but yourself. Nobody forces you to listen to bullshit, yet 90+ % population does it and many services as shrinks were invented. It is like English civs cannot even survive without shrinks :-D
@@YourWingmam does a Narc accepts that they are Narc?? This is the 1st video I've watched of Your Wingman and made me think back on my last GF. ^_^ She doesn't want to talk about what happened even it's just a simple misunderstanding, etc. etc...
Being married to a person with BPD for over 30 years living these tactics were a common occurrence. I also know that it's my fault for letting it happen . I'm not any longer. Yes a video on conflict management would be so helpful to the world. I think it could be a video series. F
Thank you for making me aware of the tricks women play. Your compassion is very much appreciated by those of us who have been manipulated, and want to do all we can to never go down that road again.
I wish I had the information you bring 20 years ago, could have saved my marriage that way, or avoided 20 years of disappointment. You are totally correct.
About the silent treatment - some of us just go quiet when we don't know what to say or when we feel like it is pointless to say anything because how we feel does not matter. I've done this before and it comes with a deep feeling of sadness that the relationship is not working. In hindsight it was my own emotional baggage and trauma reaction to just freeze up and not communicate, I will never know if it could have worked out but I just bowed out and left the situation because I was not emotionally safe.
Once a three year super religious girl friend joked and said to me, “I want to break up with you.” I said “I respect your decision. Ok we are broken up.” She was broken up and pleaded that she was just joking. I took her home and she never saw me again. I can recognize signs of mental abuse that was coming for years to come.
Thank you for your insight and advice. My former wife was a CPAN, a Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist, and displayed every single one of the behaviors you described. After 35 years, and 3 children (grown), I finally filed for divorce. It has been ten years and the peace and happiness I now enjoy is wonderful. I say the following honestly: I still loved her and was heartbroken when she passed away from cancer in 2020. However, if I had stayed married to her, I am the one who likely would not have survived.
Wow. Just listening to these and it brings so much clarity on so much bullshit i've had to deal with over the years and most recently several of them came up from multiple women who became insecure around me.
After having several relationships with narcissistic people in my life would love to talk to you about what are some things that make a narcissist and the victim as well. This video sounds like many years of my life. It's very easy for even highly intelligent people to fall victim to this.
It felt like a lifetime of supporting my ex but living separately in the same house. I’m single now and the only difference is a fatter wallet.
2 года назад
everybody is self-centered, that is how nature works :-D Bullshit about caring was invented in family movies. No matter how "carebear" you are, you will always end up caring about yourself first. The classical "mother saving kid stuck underneath of wheel" is also bullshit invented for marketing purposes - parents in nature abandon what cannot be saved, and create new ones ;-)
2 года назад
@Bleu Barclay no, there are only those with balls to be themselves and dreamers ;-) When you hear "this is not my fault" syndrome - there you have the poor minions ;-) and most importantly, run away.
The "I have a headache tactic" LOL! I was on a date one time in college with a gal whom I had been dating for about 2 months. To my annoyance, she got somewhat flirty with the waiter at dinner. Later on, when I considered the prospect of what the rest of the evening might hold in store, she pulled the "I have a headache" move and asked me to drop her off at her apartment. We didn't date after that, but I did hang out in the same circle of friends, and after a few months, she sort of disappeared. Almost 9 months after that night, I heard that she had a baby.
In 39 years, my wife used the silent treatment maybe a dozen times. I just ignored it and got on with what I was doing. That made her angry. I pointed out that it all was in her mind and had very little to do with me. She tried the "you should have known" once. It didn't go well. I pointed out that she had said the exact opposite and that I couldn't read her mind. I also pointed out how often she didn't know what she wanted. Anna, I think that you now look a lot healthier and happier than you did last year. Are you sleeping better? My CPAP is now bothering me a lot. Good Luck, Rick
It's unbelievable how many women think men should have known! Drives me up the wall even though I know why they do it. Use your dang words, lady lol Glad you nipped that in the bud! I'm sleeping better, no CPAP, apnea now officially mild. Look up nose breathing and mouth taping. :))
@@YourWingmam "It's unbelievable how many women think men should have known!" It isn't just women who do that, men do it as well (in non-romantic relationships too), often because they've failed to communicate properly what they've wanted or expected from the other person.. May I ask a more general question? How many of the problems you talk about in your videos are a consequence of just being with the wrong person, i.e. someone you're just not on the same wavelength as and where the potential for harmony, emotional intimacy and mutual understanding are always going to be limited? A *British psychotherapist called Phillip Hodson once said that we can expect to be close friends with about three per cent of the population - that's the proportion that he believes is potentially enough on the same wavelength as we are for a close friendship to develop. If he's right about that, is it any better for romantic relationships, and if not (I suspect that the ratio is even lower in the case of romantic ones), should we be more particular about whom we get involved with? A lot of people do seem to be in relationships that, frankly, aren't all that great. Is it better to be on your own than in a relationship like that? * I'm British myself but I suspect the issues I'm referring to are universal.
@@YourWingmam I use a BiPap with the nose pillows and chin strap. Works so well for me and I am so used to it and use it all the time my sleep doctor says I am his poster child. Need to loose weight and get a deviated septum fixed so I wouldn't need it.
I've always hated the silent treatment, especially for petty misunderstandings or something that was completely out of my control. My ex did this often, but during the last few years of our marriage, I just laughed at her when it started. It always felt like a punch-line to the joke that was our marriage. My ex-wife was an emotional 15-year-old, so this happening was a regular event. The manipulation part of it became evident, as she never did it while we were courting...only after we were married.
It's a tricky one because it's so easy for them to say nothing's wrong. Nonetheless, no matter when it starts you've got to deal with it effectively. There were likely many other red flags you let slide before you got married because you were a good man. But it doesn't sound like you lost out in the end by losing her in your life anyway. Hug :)
My ex-wife was extremely unreasonable and very double standard. In her mind she was never wrong. She constantly would tell me "you NEVERRRRR ..blah blah..and you ALWAYS....blah blah. She accused me of not doing anything for her. But when I mentioned the 100's of roses that I had gotten for, the company that I made her partner in, the cars I got her, the house, and others things, well her head spun with anger. Angrily she screamed at me saying "why do you give me things and than throw them up in my face?" She with held sex for a while. I kicked out of our house. In the divorce i played hard ball and kept MY HOUSE AND MY BUSINESS. I should never dated a single mom. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️ However, not all single mothers are to be avoided. Here are single mothers you might want to consider dating 👉 ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-j3pufu8QXnc.html 👈
Dear Miss or Mrs Anna Jorgensen, I commend you on your excellent advice. I've seen big tough men in tears when being messed around with women. Usually, if you are in a relationship and you just know that someone doesn't have your back, you know you are on borrowed time. However immaturity and inexperience can gloss over that feeling. Luckily, all my romantic disasters and heartbreak are all over. Don't worry I have loved and lost so cry no tears for me. For those that are single (myself included in these crazy upside down times) do things that feed your soul. Such as, listening to a recital, opera, indie band or finding a hobby or learning a new skill or learn a new language. I see too many people that define themselves by being solely in a relationship just for the sake of it and are covertly miserable because there is a co-dependent disharmony that can be almost tangible. It's almost as if they are waiting for someone better but are so stuck in a rut of familiarity that to go their separate ways would be a loss of face in their social hub or clique. Best Regards.
A lot of bad advice on the internet we have to sift through… feel like you have a very good grasp on important characteristics of a good relationship, thank you for your content!!
Glad you got out! They can learn to modify their behaviour but they usual don't want to. Watch for all the red flags: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
We want a presentation on “We don’t fight right” because negotiations and listening is a complexity on it self. Manipulation is indeed a great deal for many insecure people.
Ha!!! Those dinging eye blinks are cute. Love it!!! Just as much as I love watching your fine self, Anna. Stay healthy, happy, optimistic and pretty, "Wingmam".
That “nasty spiral”. Ouch! I’ve been there & lost myself in her manipulative process. Not to worry, I am a master of the art today but, it took a lot of painful reflections to become healthy.
It's pretty much a given that you WILL be dealing with some level of drama in any relationship or marriage. After two serious long relationships that didn't go anywhere, I've realized I value my personal life and space too much to deal with unnecessary drama. Been single for years and do the hook up thing from time to time. Works for me. If they start getting needy or want more, I bounce.
When to stay single: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GKE9sKwjH_g.html If you're going to entertain a relationship, know how to handle her bad behaviour: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkFVeRMpvW3s3SC3Vgu7I1d
Lol ... some scary stuff out there!! Apparently there are between 10-20% narcissists out there, yikes.. Red flags: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ
Thank you for this insight because i have been struggling to do ANYTHING right in this relationship other than sex and that isn't what i am in it for. I really like this woman for who she is without the sudden switch into a witch daily. It's exhausting and hurts to feel how very little this girl actually cares about me as a person. Most of the time I just leave the conflict knowing eventually she will do a 180 after enough time apart as long as I ignore her or I'm just not present
The way I always handle my lady when she "barks" or "snaps" at me just for a simple question (for what ever reasons), I always just yell back at her with "STOP WITH THE ATTITUDE!" "KNOCK IT OFF!" "I'm just asking a simple question!" That usually makes her take a step back and realize she's just being snappy with me and I can tell because I notice her facial reactions when I say these things AND she usually immediately calms down after I point out that she's having an unjustified attitude with me!
nah. You just aren't letting her express her feelings, and are an abuser! All her friends will agree. Don't you know how that works? Maybe she calms down, but won't forget it. But maybe yours isn't cluster B. Makes a difference.
I did an evaluation on myself at 40 & realized that in order for me to be happy I had to be selfish with my actions and choices. I became so much happier. On to the next girl, my attitude was indifference to her needs and it kept her on her toes.
Been divorced for 30 years and she still try's to manipulate me and now it's my daughter turn I take no notice and switch the hearing aids off bliss.!.
Oh yeah...I've endured the silent treatment and withholding treatment. I knew what she was doing and to say it angered me would be an understatement. That's a big part of why I divorced her. I'll never put up with that again, nor will I remarry.
In my experience when a woman is dating you, she doesn’t act way as she knows you will stop seeing her. Some woman save that for marriage where it is much harder to get out of. Sad to say.
@@YourWingmam I've since learned the red flags. (Yes I've already watched your video that you tagged). The weird part? Here I am, a single dad/parent with custody and I don't seem to have the same issues single moms have getting dates. The advice you give is GOLD.
You hit the nail on the head! Do not accept bad behavior, ever, never, ever, never accept bad behavior! With anyone! If you accept bad behavior people will walk on you not just women.
Manipulated: yes, many times by a certain woman. And I knew I was, but we were just friends and there'd been some guy with a backpack at the bar and she was giving him, I thought, the eye. And we'd been discussing a seedy bar a block away, its door visible from where we sat in this hotel cafe, and whether to head there next. "Maybe take a jog over there and see if there's gum on the sidewalk...?" Well, I knew I was being played, but didn't want to appear jealous of the backpack guy. Surely I was more interesting than him! There was no gum. Blush, but I knew what was happening. There were other things ...
You look so much happier and healthier. Look so fit and like you lost a lot of weight too. Your playful fun personality is really coming out too. Totally becoming the best version of yourself. Great job!
Yes I would love to hear your thoughts on conflict management. Although I'm divorced and feel I'm much much better at it now, I would love to get any pointers. Thanks
Its much harder with women because they are more emotional. Their strong emotions about something 'proves' they are right! My ex and i got a little training in this during our marriage counseling, and it never totally worked as advertise, because i was ALWAYS discounting her emotions, according to her, so our poor therapist ( a woman) had to play referee! it works better on men, because we arent allowed to hide behind our emotions. But here are a couple things I can remember quick: always listen intently to understand, always try to repeat what was said , in your own words and confirm if the other person was understood, VALIDATE the other persons emotions( ie that must be difficult for you, very painful etc), some sort of apology or phrase that denotes understanding and willingness to change/compromise. i forgot what else comes later because i never managed to get passed this point.
@@inconnu4961 I heard a lot of the same advice in marital counseling. I tried it until I pissed myself but to no avail. The problem with such (likely well intentioned) guidance is that it feminizes men and masculinizes women, thereby destroying polarity needed for couple formation. Somehow the majority of marriage counselors do not seem to understand the importance of sexual polarity, or they take it for granted. Polarity requires more than being in the right place at the right time.
My late wife whom I loved use to do this: 1. she’d use the “you never” do this or that ploy. Drove me crazy because I knew I did some of the things she said I never did. 2. she wouldn’t be clear or direct about what she wanted but instead wanted me to somehow read her mind and know.
During an disagreement with my ex wife I pointed out that compromise means you probably do not get completely more than 50% of the time. Her response, which I did not appreciate at that time was “Well why should I ever agree to that”.
You made the right decision. This is one of the many examples of how the relationship market has suffered. An unwillingness to compromise means most relationships won't last long term, many women don't see that.
My parents didn't have a healthy relationship. Dad was abusive & a cheater. Mom was abusive & a bit of a control freak. I went into a long-term (20+ years) relationship with the mindset that my job was to keep the peace. Just give her what she wants. Happy wife, happy life...right? I can't think of a single one of these red flags I didn't overlook. Yes, she lost respect for me. What shocked her is that I finally stood up for myself. By that point, I had been a doormat for so long that changing the dynamic of the relationship to that of two humans interacting on even footing was unacceptable. I'm pushing 50 & single for the last three years. Seems easier just to enjoy the rest of my life alone than to take the risk of spinning the wheel again. Given my poor choices in the past, it seems unwise to think I would succeed where I failed so spectacularly.
Although I’m not sure why my comment is not apparent anymore, I’m sure there’s a perfectly proper reason behind its disappearance. It was rather long, complex and detailed. Thank you Anna for the solid guidance in all your videos. They are most helpful and supportive.
What? NEVER accept dating, marital advice from a woman, particularly a female counselor. They cannot understand male struggles. As a wise man once said, “ women don’t care about your struggles. They just wait at the finish line and bang the winner.”
13 mins... In all seriousness, you are absolutely doing a great job here. Keep doing what you're doing. 10 mins... In all joking-ness, additional child temper tantrum tactics include: stomping feet, holding breath until blue, and pushing the plate of veggies away and refusing to eat them... Negative attention is still attention, and it's certainly reinforced when a little kid. Hmmm.
Thank you for the stellar information about these tactics and this will most definitely help me deal with the women in my life that do this and the insight to handle women in my future. I used to let things slide being an easy going person and it made things worse. Nipping it in the bud or moving on is the habit that I will be building on and making apart of my everyday life.
So glad you got something from this info! Tough because we're taught to be nice but too nice leads to being a door mat and losing respect (from ourselves as much as others). Closely related to manipulation tactics are shit tests: ru-vid.com/group/PLQ8Q-8-X18dkFVeRMpvW3s3SC3Vgu7I1d
The unfortunate conclusion with all this, for me: your wife is simply not your friend. not someone you can relax with. She is not to be trusted. It is low level war.
It took so many years of real life experience and observation to understand these things. My ex of 3 year relationship used alot of these on me. I knew some of this before especially the guilt tripping/gas lighting is the classic one most women use on their man. "The biggest way to get what you want from a man is to make him guilty..He will do anything for you" A low quality women can drain you so much to an extent that you will lose your soul. Lucky are those who can learn these things from these videos instead of experiencing in their own life. Alot of these things are very common in modern day women (excluding all high quality ladies) Good luck to your channel. Keep adding value.
New microphone? Sounds a little muffled. It’s not terrible, and it might had just been placement for this video... And this was another GREAT video! Thanks!
So spot on, and we never see it for what it is until after the fact… she was really good at it too. Somehow everything was always my fault. It was always her but I didn’t stand a chance to ever prove it or win the argument…
This channel is a perennial source of great insight. Your description of sarcasm was a great instance of the quality info you provide. Plus, you're looking like a supermodel lately
I had a narcissist for a wife. She would invite her friends over and then bring up issues that are family related in an attempt to put me on the spot, and concede to her. When she did it, I made it a point not, to concede with her, or give her what she wanted. I don't care how good the physical side of relationship is, or how pretty the face of the one you're involved with, or figure,or whatever, it just isn't worth putting up with the psychodrama nonsense that narcissists are so good at creating.
If she was a full fledged narcissist, you are fortunate that triangulating you with her friends "in person" was all she did..... I think you were dealing with someone with a few narcissistic traits, or a "lesser narcissist" (i.e. one that is unaware they are a narcissist) A true narcissisit, a "greater narcissist" would seek out (bare minimum) an empath to toy with. I have recently went 8 months, toe-to-toe with a greater narcissist.... Let's just say she had to pull some seriously under-handed, weak and lame triangulation with a fat old man, a toothless heroin junky and the local sherrif's deputies to get me to finally give up on her. I survived 4 sexual betrayals and all the gaslighting, triangulating, lying, manipulating, slandering, emotional invalidation, psychological and narcissistic abuse she could dish out. I started calling her out the second week in. She had to tuck tail and get me wrongfully imprisoned for 20 days and attempted to saddle me with DV charges..... I read the Incident reports and figure out what she did. I can see how deep her betrayal, her level of planning and intentional attempted destruction of my life were..... I signed a plea to get out, got the incident reports, wrote a 5 page narritive (referencing the incident reports line-by-line) explaining my side of the events, showing where they conspired to get me arrested, how she agreed to aid in prosecuting me for a fictitious assualt, then willingly drove to my house and came inside on her own, manipulated me into yelling at her, while her side dude was calling the cops, and setting me up to get arrested that night while she never got a scratch, red mark nothing...... Then, since she had an unwarranted, un-needed "revenge restraining order", she was reporting ever attempt I made to contact her (the last thing I rememeber before being handcuffed was her trying to touch my face and say she was sorry) trying to paint me as an obsessed ex.... She was trying to get me locked-up for years...... over a narcissistic injury... I filed for rule 33 on October 29th, sent over my narrative to the prosecutorial integrity unit in the County Attornies office and I'm still waiting on the state to respond.... I take that as a good sign... I'm going to expose this "greater narcissist" for what she is, and to her co-workers, family, community and everyone who will listen.... She f'ed with the wrong empath, and exposed herself to legal action throught her narcissistic rage..... I'm going to enjoy this!!!!
@@JasonGoldstein78 what you have is called a malignant narcissist. There's degrees of everything and I wouldn't wish what she did to you on anyone and I wish you the very very best in vindicating yourself and clearing your name and taking appropriate steps to make sure law enforcement knows who she really is and what she's about. Lord's best on that sir good hunting.
@@karlhaber1904 a narc is a narc and yessir, there are varying degrees or intensities of narcissism, and abuse on any level is still abuse and relative to the abused and no one else I too am very sad that you had to experience what you experienced. We are brothers in this war. I firmly believe I am a much stronger human being because of it. For that, I have learned to be thankful for.... And, yes even going as far as to thank her as well!!!!
Theses are the reasons men are giving up on relationships. I’ve lived it. It’s not fun for men. Anna, why can’t women be more like you. It’s sad as a man will die alone. I would love to be in a good relationship. But I believe I’ve past my prime and tired of the games. Be well my friend.
Let me give you my bonus tip! = I’m staying in my own & not going to alter my behaviour for anyone, just to make them feel better. I don’t stroke egos, either. If people can’t authentically be themselves, I’m not interested.
