Yes I took a one month long course where I had my lunchbreaks alone. It was great ☀️🍀🌱✅🎈 I was also relieved to be able to let go of my mums fear of me being isolated. I realised that retreating was a fundamental need for me. Then in my recent job I've been doing my best to choose myself. I don't care for not time-synchronised with the teams for all the breaks. I take it as it comes. If I find it strategic or pleasant, then OK. Even maybe staying 1hr to some events and say that I have to go (depending where it is). Hope it helps everyone that feels no interest in staying too long with people 🙏🏻
I found that I need "hermit mode" to get into the creative flow state with my art. And I am nearly reaching that flow state for a little bit of time every day now which feels great and energizing!
There is a book waiting so be written and I feel the time is now. I had more than enough target in life that anyone can have in a whole lifetime and I’m only 42.
Wenzes is the female Indiana Jones of the INFJs secret temple. She travels into the most guarded parts of the INFJ psyche, then, delivers a “map” of the treasures the INFJ may not have even known they had. 💎 🙏
Wenzes has right: as a 63 years young divorced father/INFJ i live the hermit life as the best life i've ever had. No nerves or restlessness anymore. And no sorrows anymore about "strange behavior" of my partner. I like all the ways of modern life!! Alone!! When hormones seems to play a role, i take a walk; without any violence or harm to others; I hate violence or sexual intimidation.
After my divorce 7 years ago, I created my own world within the walls of my apt. I have not had a date, a kiss, a hug let alone anyone in my bed. I live with my abandoned cats and my guitar collection, read, study the way the human mind works, and I must say I am very, very content. No drama. No overbearing mates. No falling short of expectations. I live within my own mind and could not be more relaxed and content. I have never found anyone's company as fulfilling as my own
5 REASONS THE INFJ "HERMIT MODE" IS THE KEY TO BETTER LIFE 1. We learn how to be independent -> 1:28 2. WE learn that we don't have to focus so much on others -> 5:27 3. You have space for inspiration -> 8:23 4. We finally start pushing our own agenda. -> 9:31 5. We learn that independence leads to interdependence -> 11:55 p.s Glad if It helps. BUT if someone feels inspired to do the time lapses too, DON'T hesitate to do it! I also would like to see it here sometimes, because it helps me much as well.
Interacting with others used to feel like a compulsion for me. I used to consider myself confident for extending myself in order to be with others, but these experiences kept leaving me hollow. When I was finally honest with myself I realized that my fear of being alone was the fuel for a lot of my relationships, and the glue for many social groups. Going into hermit mode really helped me heal, but it was (and still is) painful confronting so many self-defeating behaviors.
I like how you put that. It was a compulsion for me too. I am now in hermit mode and learning daily that I am can sit with my emotions and fill myself without rushing out to find some other person to fill these empty spaces.
Talking about hermit mode...i tiptoed quietly up the stairs this evening to not be rude and avoid my neighbour quetly who i absolutely do not dislike but was keen to preserve my emotional energy 😊
When I was a young INFJ I always felt bad that I loved being alone so much. I forced myself to be out there with others but always wanted to sneak away and just be a hermit. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't know anyone else who enjoyed being alone as much as I did. It felt selfish and I even had ppl tell me that. Now that I'm older, I don't even apologize any longer. I just drift away to be alone. I spend time with the people who mean the most to me but then when my energy meter is entering the caution stage, I split. As I've aged, the number of important people,through death and life styles, etc, has greatly dwindled. I love filling up my time with myself. No more guilt. Luckily, I have a husband who totally gets me. I wish the same for all my INFJ family...much love ❤❤❤❤
another thing that is critical for all infjs and is very validating and vindicating is to know that god loves you and jesus and to never seek the approval of man. just like they persecuted christ, they will persecute us. man will never love us like we love them and understand them
I ain't mad at this comment at all - I am NOT RELIGIOUS AT ALL, but was just reading I think from Matthew - "DO NOT cast your Pearls in front of Swine- for they will trample them and then seek to also run amok amongst you" - value your words and the work you put in, and REALIZE YOU are to blame not subverting your proof for being uniquely capable - you are guarding against the doubt, weird misplaced malice and conflict. Anyone who wants to poo poo your use of God could use "the universe", "karma", "mother earth", "existence", "creation", or the "essence of humanity" in it's place. ❤
To be honest, it bothers me to read of suggestions in a comment for alternative new age terms and such as a replacement for the word God, especially when the author expressively made it clear that they stand with Jesus the anointed. We’re not talking about some mix it all together religion.
@antonia3693 the same God you claim to be defending is the same one who doesn't need any specific name or recognition, defies explanation and abhors false Witness masquerading as religious superiority. The problem that people have with organized theology is summed up by your annoyance of someone quoting scripture, giving other people ways to acknowledge the beauty of creation, instead standing on a pulpit that doesn't even exist here. God bless you.
Yes! This is exactly what I went through - codependent, independent and then interdependent. I lived as codependent helping others all my life until age 64. I have not been happy all my life. I just wanted people to like me for what I did for them. I had to go into hermit mode to learn what I liked and doing things for myself and not spend all my time helping others and absorbing their pain and trying to fix it. I only felt good about myself if I helped others. The shift to interdependent just happened a year ago and I am feeling like my life is just beginning at age 65. I found out what I liked and what I disliked and that is my priority, then I can help others if I choose to. My energy is now directed to myself first. I also found recently that I don't abosrb people's pain and problems anymore because the core issue of me fixing their pain is gone. Doing what I like for me feels wonderful!!! It was hard because I wasn't used to it but now I could not give it up.
I always hate the loneliness of hermit mode, but once I find a groove, I become less restless, and end up learning something new that will benefit me in the long run. Then I start to become less lonely. And then good things start to happen magically because things are falling into place because I’m putting myself first, and not worrying about or concentrating on others. 🙂👍🏼 Hope you are having an amazing day my friend! Thanks for all you do for us. ❤️🌹👍🏼
Really good video, I am surely a hermit. I am blessed with a Woman that trusts and understands me. You will never lose your desire to help, when you get a phone call of someone that’s in desperate mode. Look back at the times you went all in on people, what was the outcome? Sure pray for them, but as you get older it’s much easier not to be their personal hero that saves the day for them.
Every-time something tragic happens in my life I go into hermit mode and come out with bang! Last time was before pandemic, lost a loved one and I am to blame. I went into my cave and came out to conquer career and bought myself a house. Years ago i was abandoned by a partner whom I relied on financially and I had a child to look after , I went into hermit mode with nothing scraping the bottom for couple of months and again I came back flying. Right now , a heartbreaking bomb just been dropped on me that this person I was seeing for the last 10 years has fooled me for the last 7 years, and is seeing him for the first time for what he really is. I feel I need the hermit mode soon I know I can mend this broken heart and the next thing will be something no one expects, even I don’t know what might that be.
Thanks for putting into words what I deep down already felt is right. Hearing it like that brings a lot of clarity! I lost so many "friendships" over the years that I invested more into than I ever got out. Now the friendship that I seek out the most is the one with myself. Everyone else, except for my partner, is an acquaintance. Sometimes I worry a bit that I lost the ability to forge deep relationships with others. But I try to abandon that thought because my definition of "deep" is different than those of others and I haven't found someone with the same friendship values yet. Maybe it will happen in the future, but until then I will have myself as my best friend!
Yes! I am right with you on this. I am trying to learn to be friends with myself first and foremost. And it is hard to do but I think it is actually the secret to having a good life. Good luck to you!
My saving grace is " I don't do coffee". I just can't talk one on one with people and if I do I never see them again. HUH My Mom, my granddaughter and 1 of my sons and my husband of 56 years are the people who know me and still love ❤️ me.
This has to be one of the most profound messages for me as an Infj, that helps me understand and validate my time as a codependent and now this very long period of being single!
I've been in hermit mode for 7 years now and I'm just now getting out of my shell. In that 7 yesrs of hermit mode I've gone from lost everything I owned, to owning my own place
Hello Wenzes, I am a 20 year old male infj in college, could you make a video on how to navigate life as a young person with this personality type. Love the videos❤❤
I have my own reasons for being in "hermit mode." I struggled with getting out there and playing by the rules of success along with the drudgery of adulting. It only got harder for me to deal as I got older, especially since the pandemic started. Therefore, becoming a hermit is what I have chosen to do to cope, even though it's a more of a monkey wrench than a key to my having a better life.
I've come to long for when I have time for a Hermit Mode! It's when the swirling dust of the mundane day to day of life's necessities settles - allowing new shapes, patterns and insights emerge! 💝
I am going thru the transition from dependence to independence (divorcing after 15 years of marriage) and it physically aches - now I have to not only be financially independent but psychologically independent - I often wonder if I will have the strength to continue to shift into independence - I am catching my own co dependent patterns and that makes it more painful - Because as a mature person (lol) I now have to admit that I am creating these dynamics too - Some days are better than others - I have to keep myself going continually to keep the momentum - the movement is my inspiration- I work out 4-6 days a week - I date a little bit (positive exchange of energy) - again any healthy resource I have - I keep my.outer appearance up (way more than probably what I will do once I get over the hump). Long story short 😂 - I'm literally in this stage and it totally sucks and my prayer is that I continue to have the mental strength and energy to climb up
Thanks Wenzes, for reaffirming our absolute need for independence without guilt, as we are such givers and can spread ourselves thin.... As you say, we lose focus on our own need if we are taking care if others.. I lost my dog after 8.5 years of taking care of him and it was the happiest time of my life. But after he passed, i fell into a bottomless pit as i had totally lost track of how to look after myself...as taking care of him provided me with so much joy, while shoving my own childhood issues etc under the rug...
@@ComplicatedSimplicite thanks and lots of love..for caring to comment..18 years was a beautiful gift and you must be left with bounty of memories...so sorry for your loss..after 18 years of unadulterated love and companionship 💕
I was going thru this the whole day. So early in the morning, I was having breakdown because I feel like I am becoming a new person. Someone that I need more rather than who I used to be. It's like I was grieving that personality's passing because I am feeling the shift so much. I feel bad I cannot extend help anymore at the same time, I want to value myself more for the first time in decades. It's guilt also but I know what they turned out to be despite me sacrificing all of me. So it's time to say goodbye but it does NOT feel good saying goodbye to an old self who I really love so much into someone I like right now. This is the most important decision I think I have made in my entire life.
In a similar place - these strangers who we are meeting for the first time (aka the upgraded version of us) is foreign - we haven't gotten to know this version of ourselves - I guess we are grieving who we were and have the opportunity to fall in love with a better version of ourselves. Are we ready to take the leap? I KNOW WE ARE! Thanks for sharing your journey. We are worthy. ❤
Thank you, Wenzes, for this very much needed explanation. I’m currently in hermit mode for the exact reasons that you mentioned. I forced it upon myself (and everyone I knew) to not only build better boundaries, but to also force focus on MY needs. I refuse to be bitter or resentful towards those who’ve taken advantage of my voluntary giving because I consider my demise my own fault for having given till emptied. Anyway, I’ve focused so much in a few short weeks that I’m returning to college to follow through with a master(mind) plan to rule my life and home environment well. No more inadvertent, detrimental giving of self! -rising Sigma INFJ female 🤡
I try to help many people but they soon forget about everything and use me as an object i believe i suck all their negativity and feel sad and lonely all the time. Although time run very fast i still believe that this is not my world it's too evil for me, i observe every single thing in life i have big thirst for knowledge but still i cannot explain to people, they ignore me the first seconds that i start to talk about that specific subject and then i give up. I don't know if for you is the same, i just discovered that i'm an INFJ and looking forward to learn about it, is there any forums i can join so i can talk to people like me? Thanks for reading.❤
Thank you, I've wanted this for so long but had trouble separating myself from others. In my gut for probably a decade I've known that I need to let go of everything and live life for myself, write my own story. I planned on moving cities this year but with the intention of finding friends and a partner as soon as possible but I'm now thinking that I would just jump from one attachment into a new one. I want to feel like the author of my story for once, I want to spend time truly being with myself. I think only recently that I'm in the right headspace to navigate this challenge, and it's been a hard road getting here.
Excellent as always. Everyone remember you can get a free transcript of any YT video - just click the three horizontal dots below immediately below the video player screen.
Settle recharge think clearly then enter the world and action those plans. Wind down and go back to cave. Rinse and repeat. I've never been down for long and my real friends get me.
I love my solitude, love it! Last few years I have spent more time than not, alone with my dog....outside of my job which is in sales. I need and want to decompress each day with my pup, art, favorite shows, etc.
I mean, I get being focused on yourself too. However, INFJs from my own experience and the educational references made regarding us...that we are natural advocates for the hopeless and downtrodden discouraged people
I've been through that shift aswell, and it was very traumatic and scary. But now i'm seeing why it was nessecary for me to start trusting myself. But you also have to learn accountability and not be lazy / procastinate. Otherwise you're not actually doing yourself a favour.
There's no such thing as complete independence. I would not be able to build my own car or house or power station, but it is a matter of degree. But I can fix my own house or car most of the time. And hermit mode is really a necessity for me. It doesn't mean I don't talk to my neighbors or family but it does mean I only talk to them if it seems necessary.
I’m definitely prone to be a hermit, too much so. I’m also a childhood trauma survivor. Went no contact from family of origin 20 years ago. I’m also the scapegoat.
yes, I live like a hermit (except having to go to work and attend family dinners couple of times a year) and I like it. however, because of that I am deemed as seriously having a mental disorder by my relatives :D
Hermit mode right now. Big learning and big transformation cycle, sometimes a kick in the ego, but the higher self follows the heart path and will not let me forget my dreams even when i want to give up on them. So grateful to have found you and my peeps! 🙏🙏
Because of much pain throughout the years I came finally out and practice most of what you are saying and I'm subscribed to your channel for the much needed validation but it pains me - and I will say it regardless - that I was more looking other's videos than working on my own channel and of course, I progressed in that area as well but not as much as I should have so I still have a very important aspect of me to work on, though I will not shut myself up to the world, it's impossible but on the other hand, if I want to accomplish what I'm supposed to do in this lifetime and want to live the life I truly deserve, I must work on that more until I get some balance. Thank you so much for your wonderful wise, intelligent work of love for the English speakers of the world!
Thank you. I started this independence mode a bit ago but I thought I was losing my empathy for others, I thought I was going into a deeper depression..then I discovered Personality Types and I started to make sense to myself,for myself. This video is helping me give more structure to what I am building for myself; as well as many of your other video's. Thank you. ❤ 🌎 ✌
I always feel lonely when I'm in hermit mode. Especially when friends don't have time to hang out or if I'm just not connecting to anyone to make friends. I have lots of friends I see every week, but I don't have lots of close friends. I have my writing; my poetry, lyrics, comedy, as well as my cat and lots of books to read when I'm in hermit mode at least.
OMG😮Your Video made me cry🥲but in a good way,it resonated with me so much.OMG. You articulate what your feeling and thinking vocally so galdarn well,how do you do it.I just clam up most times I try to get my point of view or opinion across to people especially in times and moments of stress and personal pressure so kudos to you,amazing. Lol I can write/text it no problem but then that's a chore and ergo I no likee 😅 so lol stuck between a rock and a hard place and is very frustrating and exhausting at times.
I think this is why I haven’t been able to write my novels since I’ve had kids. My kids are homeschooled so they are with me 24 hours day. I don’t know how to care for them and myself at the same time.
