😪sadly it does and it sets you up in who you choose as a partner , your career choices, finances, usually drug and or alcohol abuse to try and calm the trauma, nightmares etc...
Interesting video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
I find it sad that a lot of the comments come from "older" women who did not realise that this was happening to them. I am one of these women and some of the 'revelations' in this video I was doing without realising this was because of the abuse. I still don't take compliments - thinking they are "after something", I still say sorry all the time and won't accept help. I now know why though and that has to be a 'first step'. Surviving is not immediate. Kudos to all the survivors you are not alone. ♥️🏴
I'm not a victim, but now I'm glad to be on my own and outside of society. Not interested anymore, I have nothing more to give. I'm never lonely and I enjoy solitude because I have Jesus and His joy and peace! 🙏
Made me cry - I know that woman - intimately. I love her. And I'm trying to heal her from the inside. Bless you Anthony Hopkins for acknowledging those of us who recognise ourselves in this. We are truly not alone.
Hmph! All FIVE points. And...I'm now 85 and just NOW am learning what I needed to know back when I was about 5 years. Parents, spouse, and too many more...all narcissists! A friend commented: "Knowing your parents, it is a wonder You turned out as well as you did!" ❤❤❤
I’m 70 and just now going through what you’re going through. I know it seems to us our time to heal is limited, but it’s about the journey, not the destination. A bit of improvement every day is what we need to aim for. And if we never reach perfection, NOBODY DOES!
I am 80 and learning! Had a narcissist husband for 32 years and God Saved me. I didn’t know what the heck was happening! I just felt bad..unsafe and not free. 😊❤
I was 3 years younger than my sister but I continually helped HER with her home work and she made deals with me that if I did her chores, she would play with me. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. Decades went by and I never asked her for help despite me still doing sewing alterations and minor home repairs for her (family, right?) I bought a new home and asked if she would like to come over and help spackle before I painted. Would take less than an hour. She went ballistic! I had never asked her for help before. My gut instinct had been right. She was never there for me and I never asked help from her again. However, I also learned to not ask help from anybody else to spare me that kind of pain again.
Thank you for the reminder. My wife drives me insane at times. I get frustrated. And she hits all of these points. Her father was abusive. Her mom wasn’t supportive. Her first husband was abusive. She never had anyone she could count on before me. I need to remember to have compassion. ❤
@@alycewich4472 I’m not perfect and it’s difficult at times. I definitely needed this reminder because I don’t always act with compassion for her. But thank you
❤ I'm 62 very soon and this is me. I was never good enough for my family, everything was always my fault. I threw myself into my school work, even though I got good grades it didn't make any difference. My relationships have always been rubbish and made a decision to not be in a relationship again. I have learnt that I don't need one. I struggle all the time to stop saying sorry and not doubt myself. But I am alive and try to make a difference in the job that I do. 😊
I'm with you. The only difference being I was ignored. I am lonely and not accepting this stage of my life. I never expected to be here at 57. I have just started therapy again. My first therapy was when I left my parents home 35 years ago. I had a horrible time adjusting. I was afraid of everything and 100% responsible for my safety. Fortunately the US was still a safe place. It took me 30 years to realize my fear was due to my parents not raising me to be an adult. Add to that depression and anxiety, inherited from my mother. I've done okay with friends, a few boyfriends, work, college, vacations, parties, etc, but when everyone moves on and looks fade, it's absolute misery.❤
💔😢❤️ This was me. Meeting my husband was the best thing for me. He loved me completely and never ever gave up on me. He was patient and kind and helped me heal from my childhood and toxic family. I miss him everyday since he has passed, but he helped me to see the beauty in living.
Victim or Survivor...what's the difference? If y9ure a a victim, you're not taking responsibility or accountability. If you're a Survivor, it just means that when you need support after giving it all away, there's NO ONEthere when you need them. And God forbid that it's a man. Because men are so stuck in their EGOS because they can SMELL IT on you ,that you have no self worth/esteem and you'll give that away too. Just to feel loved and appreciated. My dad told me I was a survivor and I thought that was a compliment. It wasn't. My dad is a drunk, left my mom and had another family. And had a bunch of drunks just like him. And I grew up on the outside looking in until Mother's Day when I told my youngest sister that her forgetting to call me then because she was drunk ? Yeah that ended up being My fault somehow too. I'm a survivor because I ended up a single parent just like my mother. Repeating the cycle. Only my child is a disabled adult. So not only do I have "baggage " in the eyes of the men in my age bracket, but I'm also Damaged Goods aren't I. But so are men. Because either their mom did a number on them, or they met their match with a woman just as narcissistic as they are. Fuck it. World's going to he'll in a hand basket anyway. As long I'm right with God, society can kiss my fat ass. But they'll just say I'm bitter.
Victim or Survivor...what's the difference? If y9ure a a victim, you're not taking responsibility or accountability. If you're a Survivor, it just means that when you need support after giving it all away, there's NO ONEthere when you need them. And God forbid that it's a man. Because men are so stuck in their EGOS because they can SMELL IT on you ,that you have no self worth/esteem and you'll give that away too. Just to feel loved and appreciated. My dad told me I was a survivor and I thought that was a compliment. It wasn't. My dad is a drunk, left my mom and had another family. And had a bunch of drunks just like him. And I grew up on the outside looking in until Mother's Day when I told my youngest sister that her forgetting to call me then because she was drunk ? Yeah that ended up being My fault somehow too. I'm a survivor because I ended up a single parent just like my mother. Repeating the cycle. Only my child is a disabled adult. So not only do I have "baggage " in the eyes of the men in my age bracket, but I'm also Damaged Goods aren't I. But so are men. Because either their mom did a number on them, or they met their match with a woman just as narcissistic as they are. Fuck it. World's going to he'll in a hand basket anyway. As long I'm right with God, society can kiss my fat ass. But they'll just say I'm bitter.
❤ 38 year old mother of 3, in a very hard narcissistic relationship, full of lies, infidelity, gaslighting, abuse, totally dependent on him because he has full control over everything, trapped and isolated from everyone, no friends or family, been drugged, and the list of horrible things go on and on 😢 Im so trapped, exhausted and so beat down and have nothing or no one, and nowhere to go or i will be homeless and penniless and will lose my children 😢 My God, PLEASE HELP ME and my children 💔😭 been abused my WHOLE LIFE, I can't help but wonder if my life is only here to suffer no matter how hard I try, how much I pray and everything in between, I wish I knew what being happy and calm and safe and financially secure feels like for once in my life and to find and be myself so I could shine and share my love with someone who wants it and needs it when the time is right after I heal😢
Lessons for all new mothers- treat you child well so that they don't have to live with memories of abuse and trauma all throughout their lives. May God protect every child. Very sad.
Lessons for all husbands- treat the mother of your children well, especially in front of them and don't put all the responsibility on her so that she can be healthy enough to be a good mother.
Find a support group for the abuse you suffered. You will find others that have experienced similar situations. If you haven't yet, ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and heal you from the inside out. Find a church that will love and support you through your journey. There is help out here, but most times you need to be brave enough to find it.
❤ my wife, my love, has all of these characteristics. So I promised her that she would never have to do it all on her own again. That she will never be alone or feel lonely. She will always be LOVED and reminded that she is beautiful each day. She will always be safe and protected. If she ever felt she needed to apologize, she should know she's already forgiven. It breaks my heart to know that someone could have ever treated the woman I know and love badly when she is the most kind, generous, beautiful soul and the best person. My life started when we met, and I treasure every day that I get to spend with you. Being your husband is my greatest honor, and my greatest pleasure. LOVE FOREVER!
This is me. I was raised by a narcissistic mother who, hit me and put me down. I joined ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) about a year ago, and it has helped tremendously. Through this program I have realized I do need people, so I have started reaching out trying to make friends. This has been especially difficult for me to make friends with women because I have trust issues. I am putting myself out there and I am hopeful. I am doing the recovery work because I am 45 years old and married for 5 years to my wonderful husband, and it is not right to put all of my emotional and socialization needs on to him. God bless you all❤
❤ to you from someone who understands. My husband is my only person in the world. Married him 13 yrs ago at the age of 44 after running away from my previous community to escape an abusive situation with family, not a romantic partner. I live in self-imposed isolation due to extreme ptsd and I too, struggle to make and keep friends. Especially women... If it weren't for my husband and my little farm and some new friends I've made is this medium, I'm afraid I'd be unmotivated to stay alive. I fight every day to keep my head above water. Thank you for sharing. I hope I didn't over share 😒 Sending 🫂 fr CB NS 🇨🇦 🍁
@@MurphyFarm2014 You are progressing, GOOD FOR YOU! 👏🙌 I''ve been dealing with these types of issues for over 30 years after I discovered that I had them. To me, until it was pointed out to me by a counselor, I thought it was normal. But with her help and Jesus Christ loving me even when I don't feel very lovable, I am making progress. I'm not sure I'll ever be completely healed, but making progress with friends who love me enough to stick with me when I struggle. 👏
❤❤❤ It's a vicious cycle that needs to end. I'm 33 and still working towards that self assurance and acceptance. It's a hard process that should not be needed but it is and it takes time. Just have to keep remembering that even though it may be hard it WILL get better. Stay strong and only YOUR opinion matters no one else's! ❤❤❤
❤ I just recently turned 64. I don't really want to admit this, but this is me to a tee. I have spent most of my life being treated like I don't matter. I was treated badly by my classmates all through school. When I graduated from high school I put in a lot of effort to be more confident in myself. I thought I had finally overcome much of my doubt and fears only to marry a man who emotionally abused me for the next 30+ years. I feel guilty because he also abused our children. I feel stupid because I didn't do something about it. I also feel rejected by my siblings. I am on my own and feeling very alone. I love my children and yet I feel guilty for their struggles.
I am on my own also and have generally accepted that being by myself is the best thing for me. One day you will get there too. Be kind to yourself. Power is in the hands of abusers as they know how hard it will be for their victim. Leaving a bad relationship is very hard and scary. I took 3 goes to leave mine. Learn to like you, to love you, to be happy as you not what someone else makes you be ❤
❤ Turning 62 soon. Just found the strength to walk away from a covert narcissist, strangely the acknowledgment of who l have been dealing with was also a catalyst for getting the help l needed and for once to be able to fully stand up for myself. I refuse to be a victim, l am a SURVIVOR!
I left him 5 years ago after 26 years of trying to no end. Been the happiest 5 years of my life and looking forward to the future ahead. Lesson; Leave if you can and don’t ever look back.
@@Laurie81560 I'm in my 70's and started counseling over 30 years ago. Recovery can vacillate from very fast to watching paint dry. However, I have also found that when I find someone who has been damaged in some of the ways I had been, it helps to encourage them in their walk toward healing and it also helps me see more clearly the next step in my journey. In my case I'm thinking that I will be working on this until the day I die and go to be with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And that is fine with me. I'm to the point where the past event triggers very seldom send me into a tailspin and every step of improvement gives me more peace and satisfaction with my life.
I broke down into tears as every single point hit home. Am so grateful for the compassionate man in my life who loves me truly. My ex divorced me *because* I had traumatic experiences, which hurt far more than the original traumas.
♥️ Mr. Hopkins, thank you for saying this out loud. I am 55 yrs old and all these points are true, trauma is heartbreaking and it takes a long time to overcome. I am finally healing and learning that I am beautiful and worthy.
❤ my heart breaks for all of us. What they do to children and good woman. The Japanese put gold on cracks to repair a beautiful and revered piece. We are the same. Know you are beautiful and worthy, someone sees your beauty.🙌
💔 I will be 58 in September and am still healing from wounds inflicted by my mother, God Bless her soul, and a 26 year marriage. My late mother and my ex-husband, was and is respectively, a narcissist. To all the women in relationships reading this, do research on narcissists and learn all you can. Don't ever confront a narcissist, always clear your history and escape as soon as possible. If you don't have children yet don't because you will be trapped, to an extent, until the child/ren are 18. Thank you for sharing this information. Blessings of love and light to all. 💜💙🧡💛💚
Be kind to one another. Life is hard enough to get through without being hard on one another. Help a Veteran, a Senior or a Neighbor today. God Bless ❤
Yes, yes, yes! Mother, then husband, and now children all latched onto the narcissism bandwagon. I spent most of my life alone now. At 76, I have had enough.
GOD BLESS ❤ GOD HAS SEPARATED YOU ; AND HAS PUT YOU IN A NEW SEASON-- GOD DOES NOT ALWAYS GIVE ; BUT DOES TAKE AWAY THE WRONG PEOPLE IN YR LIFE ; AS GOD HAS MADE YOU A CHOZEN ONE-- YOU STAND OUT FROM THE REST; AS YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT OF ALL --- GOD WANTS YOU TO DRAW CLOSER TO HIM ; AND HAVE A CLOSE RELATION SHIP WITH HIM ; AS GOD HAS BIGGER PLANS AHEAD FOR YOU!!! HAVE FAITH AND PRAY 🙏 AS ON THIS EARTH WE ARE CHALLENGED MANY OF STORMS ; BUT SOON THE STORMS WILL BE ALL OVER ; AND JUSES IS COMING BCK SOON---- WE ARE NOW LIVING IN OUR LAST DAYS IN TIMOTHY 2V3!!!!!! AND ALL THE SIGNS ARE ALREADY HERE--- GOD LOVES YOU AS HIS CHILD ; AND HES BEEN THERE ALL ALONG FOR YOU--- YOU HAVE GOT THIS FAR SO DONT GIVE UP; JUST BE PATIENT AND WAIT ON GODS TIMING!!!! GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU; AND THE REAL VICTORY IS IN CHRIST JUSES!!!! AMEN 🙏 ❤
That was me. 1st marriage left its scars. I remarried, this time wisely and he noticed and was patient and kind and I learned I didn't have to walk on eggshells. But when he passed 3 years later, I began to go back to my defensive state. I am working on undoing those traits.
60 years old and still fighting with myself. My husband of 16 years is the best human being that I’ve ever met. I wish that we could all be so lucky. God bless❤
I didn't even realize I was being mentally abused until my mother in law brought it to my attention. I am 43 now and I still do not feel like enough or beautiful. Not sure I ever will.
❤ True for any person, if you treat someone like they are garbage all their life they are bound to feel broken, healing comes at the cost of being willing to face the pain and releasing it in forgivness ( in that to release the situation and not allow what happened to sap everything from you), i hope for all abuse victims that they find peace, in peculiar for women, i hope you who have been hurt by others find yourselves again, find the "who" you are, and find the love you desperatly crave from within not from without. may peace be with you.
I am very sorry for the women I hurt emotionally or disrespected earlier in my life. I know better now but it still hurts me. I believe many men feel this way. Every person is a vessel of God and of immense worth.
Feeling hurt or feeling sorry won't do anything. Best thing is to actively tell the men and boys in your family and friendship circles to behave better. Or even random men you overhear. And to correct them when they say something disrespectful towards women. Or when they talk about things they are doing that hurts women. This will make a difference and will correct your wrongs. It will prove you are truly sorry because being truly sorry takes effort.
I appreciate your words...you are a true man. Just knowing that someone can recognize their own mistakes, fell badly, and then change, because you learned from those mistakes, means you are favored in God's eye's. Even if you wished you could just go back and apologize but can't...I believe you are forgiven. Please, my friend, say a prayer for me, I've been stuck and in fear in this marriage for 32 years, I am locked in my bedroom as I speak, I am trying to get out of this...FEAR is a very powerful thing, and people wonder how 6 million Jew's could just walk to their own death during the Holocaust...Knowing, yet still going, through that walk. I've learned to FEAR GOD, for his wrath is coming soon...but it means I'll be going HOME soon. Until then, I just need someone to say a Prayer for me for I can't even pray for myself, but I'm trying to gain some self-worth again, and my faith in Jesus is all that's getting me through at this point. I'm facing spinal surgery in a couple of weeks, alone...and will be recovering alone in my room. though my husband is still living under the same roof, he wants a girlfriend he says because I just broke one day and all feeling just stopped, and I am the blame for everything that ever went wrong, he's claims he did nothing, and I am in grama mode so to speak, I am emotionless , and everyday screams how much he hates me, horrific name-calling, just name it, it's every day, and I just sit there, I recently tried sticking up for myself but found out that it only doubled the attacks twofold. So, like in the video, I shut down due to fear. But during that time if recovering, I will be reaching out to legal aid for help for a divorce, my children are grown, but I'm raising a 12 yr old grandchild now, and I refuse to let her be a victim too...my son 30yrs old, has never left home because he has always worried about my wellbeing, he visits me at my bathroom window to check on me and take me to my doctors appt. , he lives on my property in a storage building....just recently have I been able to secretly document the abuse, and keep it safe. My daughter 28, feels the same for me, however, she is taken a different path and turned to paganism, yet she hates her father and he feels the same, it's her child have, and has been abandoned , so I have two people I know that depend on me, if I never could do it for myself before, I have to for them, I'm sorry for this long reply. It's just your honesty, openly...touched my heart, and gave me hope that some people can change.... some can not. I am going to make a BIG change forward. With or without fear, fear is losing it's grip more and more. Just know, you helped me. Because just commenting, I'm scared, but I'm sorry, you brought me to tears. Good luck in life my friend. God Bless you.ok
If you have the gift of gab, I’d add to the first comment that you take the initiative to start conversations wherever you are and teach your message to everyone you can. Best to you.
May I suggest that you contact the women you have treated badly and tell them how sorry you are and what you have done or are doing to make sure it doesn't happen again. If they're like me, their jaws would probably hit the ground. But they will remember that apology for the rest of their lives.
I’m going through a lot right now including being homeless. I have no one to turn to, no family, friends etc. I just escaped a dangerous and abusive situation and they’re still trying to ruin me by text messaging and harassment. The people that I’ve tried reaching out to for help, have ignored me or don’t care. I see all of these qualities in me because I’m scared to be honest and vulnerable… people take advantage of you or turn their backs on you when you’re down. 😢
I could never believe I was beautiful, even though I was often told I was. And I’ve gone through life practically apologising for being alive (I’m now 75).
IMO Better late than never. I've been working on these traits for over 30 years and will probably continue to do so until the day I die. But each step toward healing is another step toward peace.
I watched this because it’s Anthony Hopkins .. but, no one who’s survived any form of abuse is a victim! The inner strength to survive..to get through it .. will always be your Super Power!! Learning to recover from it is the hard part n learning to trust others .. but, everyone on here.. ya all amazing!! Male n female.. ( not always bout females..) ❤
💜 that's me to a T! Narc mother, second husband a psycho, I successfully manage PTSD for over 20 years, still apologise too much, will ask for help but hate it, bless all who've been abused🙏🇬🇧💜
Keep going, you're doing an amazing job in healing. Asking for help is my problem too, although I'm getting better at it and ask more frequently because I'm getting more comfortable with it. But it takes LOTS of practice!
You put into words for all that I had none... couldn't figure out how I'd changed so much when I finally left and returned to the place where I grew up...still can't believe that I'm not at all like the fearless wild person I was! Thank you for your words & the clarity it has given me❤ I know I now have a lot of work to do !
Don't know how old your kids are, but when my adult sons were in elementary school they had a parenting class for any adults that wanted to, could attend for free. There were around a dozen that thought it could be useful. I found it amazing how much information I was able to glean from that class, which then led me to other books or classes. I also would ask my pediatrician about specific issues I was having. But that was decades ago and practices have changed. I'm sure RU-vid has some helpful videos on this subject.
In my case, I've been working on healing for 30+ years. One thing I've noticed is as I heal in certain areas, I can see the hurt in others. I offer my help, sometimes they take me up on it other times not. So I thank Jesus Christ that he changes me from the inside out and uses me pain and sorrow to help others.
May we pour our love on ourselves. Our paths forged us into the strong, observant, compassionate people we became. Grateful and receptive💪❤️✨🌎 Edit (learning/growing) That’s only one POV in time. All paths r unique and we’re each working our way around the Wheel at our own rate. Dance when you have sunshine, may you make it often💃🏻 Don’t give away your hard-earned pearls in the rain.
❤ Yes, that's me. If it wasn't my mom, it was my husband, my bosses, or my other family members. So what if I have learning disability, it didn't matter. Finally I know and I'm happily divorced, no longer working for verbally abusive people.
GOOD. FOR. YOU! Dr John Delony has a channel here on RU-vid that discusses relationships. His take is that people will only bully you if you allow them to. At least in my case that was true before I found the Boundaries book by Drs Cloud and Townsend. They have written other books both together and separately on relationships. Hope this helps.
Thank you Anthony! Although it took me years to find the signs of people who prey on me, and yet, I have found discernment in relationships. The wrong people push me and trick me into doing things I don’t want to do. I have come to appreciate a few trusted friends, and enjoy my peace. Stay away from charmers and people with lots of drama, they will hook you in by sharing their victimhood. It is sad their only way of connecting is by manipulation. Yes, my childhood conditioned me to accept my family’s drama as “normal” and then accept friends who need someone to use as an emotional punching bag. Thank God I recognized the patterns of my relationships and walked away in time to recover. Life is so good now. ❤️
❤ That was me for 27.5 years of living with my husband. He broke me to make himself feel bigger and better. I thank God for the friend who spent three years of his life helping me to rebuild and recover. He has been such a blessing without requiring anything from me. He is an amazing person and friend.
Hard to do, but try to be gentle with yourself as you go through the healing process. Give yourself the love and kindness you didn’t receive in the past. Good luck. Btw, you’re not alone. There are so many broken hearts 💔
May Heavenly Father send His grace and peace and love upon those who have been and are being abused now, women, men, and dear children. Lord, help us to love and encourage each other. Help us to forgive and give us wisdom & understanding to recognize and remove ourselves from abusers. Amen.
I know how you feel: I get annoyed at posts that have a title like “ten things that men (suffer, learn, feel, whatever) and I’m thinking “Hey, I (a female) do that, too! Maybe, just maybe, we’re more alike than we care to think or admit. Maybe we’re all just human.
I totally agree with it. Anthony Hopkins nailed it. He is absolutely a genius. Such a fantastic actor and artist. He could be a therapist. Fantastic, just fantastic.
