I get offended when people don’t acknowledge me. Like friends and colleagues walking by at work place, I always say hi and bye and when I see their ignorance behaviour towards me, it boils my blood. I know it’s a small thing and shouldn’t effect me this much.
Same problem I'm facing. I always tend to be nice to all my colleagues and always don't get similar nice treatment back. And I'll even pretend in their faces what they did didn't hurt me and will end up overthinking and worrying about it and blaming myself to be lose for everyone and sometimes even cry when I'm alone in my room. So painful and i sometimes wish I'll find such person in my life that will treat me similarly as i treat others.😢
I’m here trying to heal. I’ve learned that I take things to personally which is causing me to stress and blow things out of proportion. Definitely going to to try these tactics until I can schedule an appointment with a therapist.
I deal with a lot toxic people at my work. Both co-workers and customers. Every time i go to work theres always someone thats gonna give me shit. This is something i’m gonna put a lot of development in.
Someone told me I shouldn't take it personally when people (friends, family, ect) push, cross, or disrespect my personal healthy boundaries. I replied, "Those who push my healthy personal boundaries are the ones taking it personally. They're angry and upset reactions to my boundaries is a them problem, not a me problem". If someone pushes my personal and healthy boundaries, it doesn't mean I need to change or do away with my boundaries to make others happy. I still have boundaries, and follow up with appropriate consequences. Even if that means I distance or need to go no contact.
Totally agree that enforcing boundaries is not taking things personally! I think that when we really see the behavior as about the other person, not us, it helps us keep boundaries!
Perfectionists generally always take things too personally. Are you born with perfectionism or is it a learned state that can be changed somewhat? Probably can't get rid of perfectionism all together but reducing would be helpful i.e. less work in many aspects of life. Often it is good to lower expectations unless doing surgery!
From 10:10 - 10:25, that very thing you describe is how I "beat" my OCD. It took months of practicing the tactic of NOT giving in to the compulsions ("to not engage in that habitual pattern," as you said)... but I was eventually able to stop medicating for OCD-related anxiety and it was really gratifying to know that I did that myself. I had the power within me. It gave me confidence and freedom.
Wow...im so glad i found your videos..this is exactly me i always take things personally. When i do i cant drop it ill stay mad and thinking about it for days..ive shut ppl out ..pushed ppl away..also i blame myself for all that goes wrong in my family..thx for these videos ill be watching all that apply to me ..
Thank you! You’ve framed this issue ina way that resonates with me and actually motivates me to not be offended. I used the process to deal with the most recent situation I had and it worked! It makes me less fearful and I even look forward to the next time I’m triggered to put the rest of the process into action. (That won’t take long. I’m married to a dismissive avoidant with strong narcissistic tendencies. ) It feels good to be better able to sort out what I need to own up to that causes me to take things personally. It’s also good to be able to realize when it’s a mix of my own junk and him just out to hurt/offend me consciously or not. Also to remember what I don’t have to put up with and how
I used to take things so personally, took me awhile to not do this. I still might sometimes. I love your RU-vid videos. I feel my mother was narcissistic, . Took years to deal with her , and a 3rd marriage. I still wonder if my husband now is , but we can talk now ,thank God. I learned how. Took forever , I always thought I was in trouble.❤ thx 😊
Really helpful video, thank you! So easy to get lost in the garden maze of the mind; we often need help finding our way out. Wish you could shadow me in the workplace, a minefield of sensitivities and boundary issues. Remember: always question the noise, whether it's external events or internal (what the mind keeps telling you).
Barbara I just found you, I’m in awe, your voice is sooooooo soothing. I wish i cld have you as my coach. Please can you do a video how to decrease anxiety while driving because of fear? Thanks so much
Welcome to the channel! Great idea for a future video. I'd recommend my other videos on anxiety till then..ru-vid.com/group/PLhEK7JY7zF9mFUo7FZnUP-7eg2Zk1EzsK
Thankyou ma'am Barbara , not to take personally if someone or jealous siblings deliberately provoke for no reason, either I move away from that place , or internally distance from their provocationand abuse
I've been waiting for this! Thanks a lot Barbara for such a detailed three part explanation about why and how we take things personally. Finally somebody broke it down for me. Fantastic job.
Barbara, really great content here. From articulation, to pace, delivering examples and actionable steps with little fluff. I can be a harsh critic so it's only fair to give praise where it's due. 🙏❤️
Sometimes to literally watch a movie that relates to the topic has totally let me clearly see how unreasonable people can be and... It s ok! They are aloud to be whatever they are, and it s ok for me to heal, detach, learn and move on... Nothing is personal...
What if you’ve been screwed and betrayed your whole life by people? Not exaggerating. Tired of watering it down. All I can do is become a hermit. It’s not in my luck to be around or trust people.
Hi Allen: Hopelessness is often tied to depression, which is not my specialty area. I will see if I can work it into one of my emotional inteligence videos... Wishing you health and healing, Barbara. p.s. I do think mindfulness practice is helpful for countering hopelessness - one minute at a time...
Thanks for all the tactics🌟 , I also read about this one : ask yourself how much is you , how much is the other person and do I need to do something , in case I need or not . I found very practical 😊
2:34 Yes, absolutely! As a person, who struggles with anxiety I decided to cut down my coffee intake and it turned out to be a good decision - I feel calmer with one coffee per day, plus one green tea (the green tea replaced my second coffee). :)
Totally agree! Cut out entirely, replaced it with decaffeinated tea, cut out soda, which cut the anxiety down by 50%. Now, just getting the know ledge and techniques to handle the rest.
Thank you so very much for this video! Loved it! I have experienced that taking things personally and then I felt betrayed. the steps absolutely make sense. And thank you for listing them at the end so they sink it. Blessings!
If I am really clean, after sauna or a hot bath, it s easire for me not to enmesh and somehow understand that... It has nothing to do with me...but this is key to detachment and healthy social life... You are you.... Me i am me...
Barbara I’m very fond of you! Your videos are very good! Can you do a video sometime to describe how you decided to become a therapist? I’m very interested to hear the details about how you became interested in this profession. Thank you for all of your videos! I feel like I could have a cup of coffee with you! 😻
Thank you, I appreciate how simple and down to Earth are many of the techniques you teach are. I've been in gestalt therapy for a few years, and it has been helpful, but rather daunting and felt like nothing was happening for months, and I just had this therapy hobby ;) Thankfully other styles of therapy are appearing in my country too now, and I talked to my old therapist recently about this, and she said she also received CBT certification in the meantime :) So I'll see if we can do EMDR together.
When you say it “not you” i just don’t understand this part as I feel I have to take some of the blame in a situation. For example, upsetting the Boss for forgetting to do something
Absolutely, if we receive feedback that we didn't do something right at work, we should incorporate that, take responsibility for it and try to improve! But we shouldn't feel personally attacked.. . and if the boss totally loses it over something it is probably because the person has a bad temper, or has horrible things going on in their life, and that is why they lose it! So, yes, take responsibility for a mistake, but not for an oversized reaction or attack. Does that make sense?
Very helpful and addressing how to handle rumination. I’m struggling with ongoing muscle twitching like my body is mad at me. Trying to do self care…breathing, essential oils, taking a hike, pet my cats, etc. nothing is working. Maybe it just takes consistency. Idk
I've just learned taking things personally can be a component of ADHD!!! What a relief, now I have an answer for the WHY. We intrinsically know a defensive stance is never best, but it's right there for a reason and we default.
"We are not friends, You don't have my well being at heart.... I'm like, that's the opposite of my experience with her.... then, I don't forgive you your apology is not sincere be we can still see each other with family. When I have to deal with rub and snub for the last over 10 years. My core belief is this person was never who I thought she was. I miss who I thought she was not who she is now.
The reason we take things personally is because of insecurities. When you catch yourself taking something personally try to find which button of yours was pushed, and check for insecurities there. If you find the insecurity then you can treat it.
Barbara i feel like my sense of humor are broke because of my mental illness. But im not sure about it. and can you make a video a sign that your brain is turning back to old brain. thank u.
I heard of the "movie" technique from a video by a psychologist who treats his trauma clients this way. I imagine if it works for someone who feels unnecessary guilt over an auto accident, it should work for one under less dire circumstances.
Thank you so much, yes it can trigger rejection sensitivity. So then it is hard to not take it personally. Is rejection sensitivity related to negative core beliefs or trauma? Thank you again!!!
It didn't work all day. I can ruminate when singing. I decided to go to dinner with my daughter and she hit me with a negative. I'm safe, I just don't want this anymore. I need better people in my life. My mom said for years.... It's not you. So did my husband. Family dynamic. I don't want to go
What about the fawn response?🤔 (4th response from the fight or flight reaction/passive internal[unconscious] self protection mechanism/the parasympatic nervous system/works on the background 24/7 thru your entire life that never rests and even heals your body when you sleep/regenerates your body when it knows that you are safe for sure/it knows that, because it assumes that you are not stupid like for example it knows 100% then that you are not sleeping then next to a bear inside of a cave which task it relays on you that you are able to make good decission in your own life/outside of your self so it can keep you safe inside of your body/part of your immune system/protects your body from the outside threath's which recognizes those threath's from the environment where you are at[right now/at this moment/in this split second/the life what happens/that unfolds infornt of your eyes all the time]/from which old reactions it saves from your earlyer reactions to a similiar situations in your past experiences/emotional triggers which it snapshots into your bodys own long term memory/records them from the messages between the reseptor transimits messages which data it reads constantly from your neural impulses which it reads from the signals it gets from your own emotional reactions towards the threath you are facing in your life environment(doesent think for your self) which only supports you by adjusting your hormonal levels according to that threath you are facing(earlyer responce/example/social inter action/not life threathing/people over reacts/body saves that/then every social inter action triggers the same life threathing situation/pawns gets sweaty when the adrenal kicks in when the body supports you from the threath because it doesent know is it a wolf or a conversation with another human being which you over reacted when you were a yonger which it repeats only then by releasing adrenalin and stress hormones example cortisol, but then you arent analyzing the situation as you should be doing to reset your earlyer reactions when those situations becomes more familiar to you and the fear dissapears then when you come more comfortable dealing with those situation when you get used to them and get over your fears which you fear only from your past experiences and avoid them, because those feels life threathing to you and you never realize that its only your own parasympatic nervous system that supports you on the background and you arent communicating well togheter which reactions you have build inside of you of many different similiar situations when you have over reactions to a things which arent really a life threathing to you which have become the issues in your life, because you avoid those situations when you fear for your own emotional reactions in your life, because you doesent realize that those are part of the experience what it feels to live as a human being on the planet earth and adjust your own reactions and change the way you think by analyzing your thought processes which humans use to rule this planet on top of the hierarchy on the food change which it can only, because humans are able to think to the past and to the future and evolve in its life like example it learns to walk to speak to make its own clothes its shelter build bridges which you remember then always as you learn them[becomes automatic processes] and you dont need to retrain your walking every time you wake up from the bed which ables the human being for example create complex languages which it stores for the next generations which learning procesess never ends which human needs to practise always the way it thinks about the environment where its living which it depends like a lion to its fangs and its hunting skills which they practise too thru entire life cycle which humans needs to always analyze and adjust their processes in their head to become more efficient and more powerful living beings which can wipe entire species it decides out from the planet earth which it dominates whit its superior brain functions which can do alot of harms to individuals which arent practising and analysing the way they are thinking in life by reflecting their self so they could become self aware or like in the religion they call it as a stage of being enlighted a modern day smart guy or the jack of all trates/free from their minds own internal harmful thinking processes which can be swifted of or turn aggainst to itself which can wipe that human being then out from the face of this earth when that power is directed aggainst their own self when the human being can destroy itself by commiting a suicide when it takes it own life when it gives up and stops thinking correctly in those problematic situations in its life where it cannot escapes out of its own mind or when it doesent even realize that they arent even their own emotions or their thoughts, but they are that inner silent self that never speaks or changes in their life that silence inside of them the awarnes which observes only this reality and nothing else which experience the life itself which experiences the parasympatic nervous system only helps you from your past experiences without recognizing that are those even life tgreathing situations which it only captures from the impulses which comes from the environment thru your eyes or nose(sight/smell) which you react then the way your body have saved that earlyer and supports that similiar situation again which it remembers from your bodys own emotinal memory snapshot according to a variety of different situations which it stores all of them in your life and thru your entire life so that you could focuse on living to keep yourself healthy which is your job and the parasympatic nervous system is doing its own job(very efficiently) when it spots them again from the messages that travels inside of your bodys signal which data travels thru your hermosystem cynapses transmitter cells where it pics those same earlyer kind of messages which have being picked from the past data which have being transfered earlyer between your reseptors which it pics those sounds from which you are hearing, which it links to your emotions/your earlyer reactions and you dont arent even nessesarely able to see that actual threat yet which your parasympatic nervous system have picked already then from the sounds from the environment whre you are at then(remembers times, spaces, faces, objects, sounds, movements ect...) which will be found from your bodys own long term memory which it adjusts your hormones automaticly according to those old threaths which way it supports you passively in your life and gives you even adrenaline sometimes in a situations whrere its unnessesary when you are triggered from the speaking growd before you even realize it for your self when you feel that weird same old terrible sensation in your body when you arent even aware from where it came from when you are staring at your selphone(focusing your entire awareness on your screen) which life threathing sounds your nervous system has picked already and have released already that adrenaline in your body and your pawns gets sweaty and when you look out from your phone screen you will see that growd of people and the panic kicks in when you arent really living 🧘🏻♀️mindfully🧘🏼♂️ and you are only really over reacting on situations which arent life threathning which reactions you need to re-adjust in your life so that you could appreciate this experience one day when you realize how it really feels to live as a human being without strong reactions or ruminating thougth procesess running constantly on the background when you are able to different those things from your real inner self where you find always inner peace by breathing thru your nose[focuse on that to distract those things/takes 100% of your awareness to able to that in stresful situations/to take crip of yourself/from the situation you are at/not only reacting then to a that] when you find that place which is your own real home to your self where it lives[that spirit/the life energy/we all have that same energy inside of us/from birth to death/same with animals/same energy/lives only by focusing in this present moment like dogs for example when you smile they move their tails/tries to communicate with you immediatly/not thinking then in their own past or their future/aware of the situation they are at] like you are inside of your body which is a very different thing/energy than your material body which it controls all your body movements, thoughts, reactions, emotions[behavior] which many people dont realize in their lives when they live their life inside of their minds almost as a part of human and part of something else which only exists in their minds[the fantasy world which only exists inside of their own heads] the illusion of hell which they have trapped inside when they dont think correctly for themself and lets their own minds wonder turning their own lives only into a unnessesary nightmares)✌🏻the hell on planet earth/messed up experience when you only react in your own bodys impulses and never stop to think that what are these things in reality where people need to wake up by themself from the sleep they have being living for a thousands of years already as long as the human being have walked on this earth it have had these same issues with in themself from where stories and religions origins from the storys people greate inside of their heads🧠and never really get it what is to be a human being when they focuse only on thinking in their own lives🤔
Hi: There are a lot of links in the description to the video (a little harder to find on the phone, but there is a drop down arrow... But here is the webinar link:roadmaptojoy.life/rewiring-your-brain
Thank you for your contributions! Do you have depression specific info? I checked out all the video titles but don't see anything depression related? Much appreciation in advance xo
If someone makes fun of us for anything at all, it is about their insecurity. None of us are perfect. It can be really hard if we grow up with something that makes us stand out and get teased growing up - and that is often something we have to heal from…. Not sure if that addresses your question, so lmk.
If the stammering is tied to anxiety and-or trauma, there is research that EMDR therapy can help (I am a big proponent of EMDR). The EMDR can help with how one feels about oneself despite having something that others might see as a "problem." I'm not an expert in the field of speech, though I think speech therapy sometimes helps as well. I wish you health and healing.
What I don't understand is why everyone refers to ALL ASIANS as "Chinese"? And calling me a "Chinese kid" when I am close to 43 years of age. Plus, people who think that because I talk slow that I am "developmentally disabled". Plus, if I never took Rx I wouldn't have become so angry. My mind was more normal BEFORE the Rx. Just read Peter Breggin, M.D., who admits that Rx causes the problems. Doctor of Naturopathy give better advice compared to Allopathic doctors. And people, who don't understand my getting insulted were never bullied by blacks of Dominican heritage or Pakistani kids from NYC. Maybe if I lived in AR like my aunt, I would think differently. And I never lived in NYC, the kid did though. 28/88
