6 Signs You Might Be Asexual 

Your comment feels like you’ve reached directly into my brain to write it, this was exactly it for me as well, like word for word. Cool to know it can be a relatable experience!

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. I try to bring the same energy and mentality to this that I bring to my classroom. I teach 6th grade so I think it shows lol

It's interesting to me that the LGBTQ spaces you've interacted with conflate asexuality with sexual conservatism, because you would *really* not get that impression from a lot of the ace people I know. I attend queer groups and events in my city quite frequently, and have run into some very kinky aces. Two completely separate ace acquaintances of mine even have dildo collections

"I feel terrible about it and often wonder why he even stays with me." Why not ask him? I thought u said he's the right person for you, but if you're not gonna talk about the important stuff, then he only knows the parts of you you offer. Perhaps you're afraid that if you showed him all of you he'd leave. Now, if you're in love, it's important that doesn't happen, but, as a random guy scrolling through the comments, allow me to give you my objective opinion given the information you've just provided. You've been fine alone for 19 years, you'll be fine without. You know, I know it, everyone else knows it. This is not to say you shouldn't care, I'm just sayin' that if you show your true self and he goes like, ewwwww (what's the worst he can say LOL), then you'll be fine, but at least you'd know, which would in turn offer you peace. Isn't that the goal? Damn, I thought your message was long. But I've got more I'd say you should be careful with your thoughts. There's a saying I really like, 'don't believe everything your brain tells you'. Example:"but I know that if I tried, I would just be stressed and mortified the whole time and would be slapping his hands away and getting upset and trying to cover myself up" My point is, be careful not to create your reality from your fears. Perhaps communicating would have a tremendously positive effect, but with that mentality, you'd get defensive and see shadow where there are none, switching the tune of the conversation into a negative one, and then wrongly concluding that you were right, further reinforcing your fears (*insert congratz, you played yourself meme* don't play yourself). Then again, there's also the posibility he reacts negatively from the get go. But we already talked about that in the first part, you'll be fine. And finally, in regards to: "He probably thinks I must be asexual. I really want to do it with him, he does turn me on". Sounds like a perspective exercise to me. What I mean by that is, life isn't what it is, but how we see it. I might be wrong, but in your case, you seem to see yourself as one entity, safe and sound in your cocoon, the boyfriend is his own thing as well, and you try to make it work like that. But that's stupid, the moment you talk about yourselves as part of a relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend, the way I see it, you're one. Allow him to be you. I'm guessin you don't have any issues being naked by yourself, if that's indeed a problem, then I guess there's no help for you (jk, maybe, idk). Jokes aside, allow him to be part of your cocoon. This means that you enjoy eachother's bodies not for one another, it's no longer your and his sexual goals, it's simply your goal. This also comes with the benefit that his dick is your dick, and your boobs are his boobs. Congratunations, you weird lookin' mutants. But idk (Just so I'm not liable in case you take any of my advice and your life implodes, haha, ha) Good luck

So, full disclosure, I'm a sexual person, and so I'm interpreting your comment from that perspective. But to me, you don’t sound asexual. It sounds like you experience sexual attraction and desire, but that you're very nervous about acting on those feelings. Which is completely normal. It’s a very vulnerable act, so being with a new person will always be a little bit nerve wrecking. But that vulnerability is also what makes it so powerful and healing, for those of us who enjoy sex. It sounds like the sexual experiences you've had weren't that great, but it also sounds like you were teenagers fumbling in the dark. Which, believe me, is no one's sexual peak. You don't have immediately jump into fully nude sex if that makes you nervous. You can take it as slow as you want to. What's the lowest pressure sexual activity you can think of that you'd like to try? Is it kissing? Heavy petting? Cuddling? Maybe a tiny bit more? Don't want to take your clothes off? That's fine. How do you feel about letting him put his hands under your shirt?Would it be okay if he saw you in just your bra and panties? Maybe a little bit more coverage? And take it from there. If you want to. You might realize that these things aren't so terrifying when you are with someone you love and trust. Sensate focus especially might be a technique that you and your boyfriend might enjoy, it's a practice in sex therapy to help people connect to their own and their partner's body through gentle touch and caressing. No pressure to have sex! Just touch. Over the clothes, if that's more comfortable to the participants. And remember, no one but you can decide if you want to give sex another try, not even your boyfriend. And you should not do it just for him, but also for your own pleasure and exploration. So this comment is absolutely not meant to put any pressure on you, just to give you some ideas for low-stakes activities you could explore.