7 core emotional needs 

1. A need of belonging. Having a purpose, a sense of meaning, a supportive community. 2. Safety so we can be our authentic selves without feeling harshly judged. 3. Decompression. Privacy, time & space to be quiet, destress, etc. 4. Autonomy. Having a say in our own lives. Need time & slace to make our own choices. 5. Emotional intimacy. The sense of being known by soneone else. Having someone else who is attune to us & who values how we think & feel. 6. Challenge & growth. The need for personal growth via challenges. 7. Self connection.

I like that you made such a clear list. I spent over a decade in therapy, and I've had to discover each one of these separately

I really wish you were my therapist.

I don’t feel belonging, safety, decompression, intimacy, and self-connection. I feel so much frustration and resentment. So depressed.

The way my inner voice shockingly responded "emotional needs? We get to have those?" let me know how bad it is over here... Disconnection City

Having learned how to improve emotional intimacy with myself has really helped me in regulating my emotions. Learning to be at peace with myself, ( most of the time, )is worth more than gold and diamonds, to me. ❤

I feel frustrated and resentful all the time, as an autistic woman my emotional needs have rarely if ever been met and there is no chance of changing that. I don’t feel belonging, safe, decompression (because god forbid, people control their children and stop abusing them) or intimacy. I feel self connected, autonomous and I challenge myself, but these are all self, the others are external. I can’t control external forces!

I feel like I'm just broken beyond repair 😢

I feel like I’m a robot learning to human again

Omg I had none of these growing up, maybe except of some challenge. And I wonder why I'm so fucked up.

Wish I'd heard this 40 years ago 😊So important to understand...

Belonging comes from relationships, frequently interacting with people whom we trust and know closely and who know and trust us, also people with whom we can relate to, be it through common interests or life experiences. Belonging can grow stronger over time as well. I would categorize it differently than having a life purpose, which is more self-actualizing.

I'm isolated most of the time because I have MCS (neurotoxic chemicals are everywhere when I go outside - car fuel smoke/gas, smoker, perfume in the stores and also outside). I love alone time as an infj and my interests and hobbies are too unusual for most people. What helps me is my imagination and love in my imagination and dreaming.

I needed this video I’ve been in AZ for almost a year now and I feel like I’m struggling to belong and find friends I’ve found some in my church but my social life is still lagging behind. I do appreciate that you said it’s normal for not all of our needs to be met 100 percent of the time

Man, this makes sense to me. ALOT. It did not until now. But it does now. I understand now more how other's were and are making me feel and me others. Love your videos. And no I don't. Belong? Nope. Safe? Define that lol. Nope . I am challenged at work. I have not felt any type of intimacy In a while now. Anyone I am interested in has a Significant Other anyhow. No Autonomy. I like to fish and that helps me decompress. So I've been making a point to go more after work. An Hour or so does wonders for me. I have been trying to be far more self aware of my own actions and traits. Keeps what's good. Work on what's not. I keep repeating the same mistakes and that bothers me. Things like my Active Listening Needs more work. Prioritizing things. Etc. But I am getting there. And I have come a long way. But I now understand alot more why I feel the way I do alot.

I have none of these. Thank you for this education & validation. I hope & work for a different reality!

Autonomy has been a need I really struggle with, I grew up in a fundie household and so little about a person is left for them to decide and there’s a lot of tension when you grow differently than expected. I don’t know how I’m even going to build a life for myself I feel like the recipe for a perfect mess of a human

My home was broken into while I was away. I had to so far replace locks twice. Safety ,not feeling it. My neighbor's and I are getting closer because of break ins and the knowledge that police can only do so much. I feel stressed but the robbers can take all the material stuff they want but not while I'm home. Community, I also made friends with my boyfriends x wife. We all like each other, spend holidays together or family dinners. But I have trouble with commitment to boyfriend ( widow of 36 year marriage). This is exciting to work on automonny, self awareness, stress management... Just breathing!¡!

Another excellent video. I reflect that Im fortunate enough to have most of my emotional needs are met, Im an introvert who is involved with NGOs and has a lover in a long distance relationship . I hope the other commenters and viewers of this video will be able to get more of their needs met in the near future.

I live the way she says, 'TODAY' :)))

This is that good shit, keep ‘em coming 🙏

Thank you so much dr Nicole. This is very helpful. Italy here 🖐️🙂 And... In the most cases, we have not good therapists for narcissistic abuse survivors here.

Thank you for this video. It's very helpful to have it laid out like this. You are a gift to us survivors.

I can't think of anything to challenge me. I know I need something to do but I just can't think of anything I like. Getting older often feels pointless. Being unwell doesn't help much either. I seem to have the others sorted to a basic level even if not optimum. I like the way you simplify things.

Your content is just invaluable. Thanks a lot for all your work!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful and insightful wisdom. Just yesterday I had the similar conversation with someone.

What emotional need is wanting respect? And which emotional need is wanting appreciation?

Thank you! Your videos are SO informative and helpful. They are always clear and I appreciate the length (less than 10 minutes).

Thank you I would never thought about myself Very interesting and, I think, most useful for me

Your videos have changed my life ❤

Thank u for doing this!!

thank you for making this video, please make playlists of your videos because it helps us to find your video according to our test

Hi ok I watched it to the end. At 6:48 How can we have the tools to calm ourselves ? I’d appreciate a video on how we can meet these needs in ourself. I’ve not really anyone in my life that I can talk to or trust to be myself with.

So insightful. Thanks a lot Dr 🙏🏿🙏🏿

Thanks for the video ❤

It's good to see a clear list. I hope this is backed up well; it seems solid. More helpful than just vaguely talking about "needs" without specifying what they are. Does the order of the list reflect a hierarchy of them? Is the hierarchy different for different personalities, maybe? Some of us learn as adults that our emotional "needs" aren't welcome - as if they're childish things to put away, now that we're no longer cute. It depends on the environment and the relationship. Autonomy seems expensive enough that the price for it as an adult is a large portion of safety and intimacy.

I desperately need to decompress

Thank you

Thank you for this!

Brilliant psychologist 🙏

Thank you. Very helpful.

Thanks so much, Dr. LePara

Thank you 🙏🏽

I can’t even watch all this. I don’t have these. I never did. 😢

❤ excellent video

I feel that i dont have all of that

I'm really struggling to meet my needs for belonging and intimacy. I frequently feel so lonely. It's like, where tf is everyone? Does nobody else need togetherness? Am I the only one who enjoys the company of other people and makes an effort? And even when I'm with my friends I feel invisible.

So if we suffered emotional neglect in childhood these are the needs we really need to work on to get met?

❤ty

1:30 👌👌👌

Wow….I feel like NONE of my core needs are met. I must really be screwed up!

Is there a video about the solutions ?!

❤

I don’t feel my chair belong in my dining table in my home .I feel I am watched all the time as if Iam an odd one out and everything I do is thought of as not so normal than how other people behave and do this is going on for more than 40+ years of arranged marriage.Iam always never myself for fear of being found out to be not like all the others .is this a way to live my every day life?now Iam 64years and I want to live alone even if Iam doing only mundane things in an ordinary life but I can be myself the whole day

Not sure emotional intimacy works as so many people are more likely to not want to understand others.

Do you ever think 🤔 about opening your practice again?!? Probably not you’re able to reach more ppl this way, you have a larger audience

None of them are being met, and don't care to meet other's needs any longer.

My outlook on money changed when I realized someone making $400K can retire broke & someone making $80K can retire a multi-millionaire. You cannot build wealth without putting money in its rightful place, you have $100K to invest. Where are you investing it?

Actually this video was heaven sent right on time!!! Recently I saw a post that detailed signs of emotional dependency and I knew I was repeating that pattern but I did not know exactly what my emotional needs were. Now that I know them I can work through them! Thank you so much!!!! 🩷

I feel like none my needs are met right now 🥹❤️☀️🌙

Thank you