These Are Your 9 Basic Emotional Needs. Are They Being Met? 

Not meeting my own needs... 1. Always feel like an island - yes 2. Always feel stuck & trapped - yes 3. Always feel frustrated & worn out & overwhelmed - yes 4. Always feel Unappreciated - yes 5. Always feel Unaccomplished - yes 6. Always feelLost & aimless - yes 7. Reiterate number one - yes Basic needs not being met Emotional needs 1. Safe to be me - no 2. Volition - no 3. Matter to others - no 4. Emotional connection - no 5. Social belonging - no 6. Privacy - rarely 7. Sense of self - no 8. Achievement - no 9. Contributing - sometimes I think these unmet needs are keeping me in a depressed stuck state & yes, encourage to give from deficit, don't be abundant (greedy / selfish). Need to retrain my brain.

Havent watched the video yet but still sure the answer is pretty much “NO”😂

When core needs are not being met: 1. Feeling utterly alone, like an island. 2. Feeling stuck or trapped, a sense of powerlessness. 3. Feeling frustrated and worn out, like only going through the motions. 4. Feeling unappreciated, as if nothing you do matters to anyone. 5. Feeling unaccomplished and dissatisfied. 6. Feeling lost, aimless, disconnected, purposeless. 7. Disconnected from self and everyone, isolated. Tending to our own needs enables us to give. We want to be giving to others from a place of abundance. Needs to be met are: Emotional safety to be ourselves, feeling we are loved and accepted. Volition, a say over our lives and choices, Give yourself permission. Need to feel important to another human being, like we count to other people. Emotional connection with people you trust, especially in times of dire need. Social connection, a sense of belonging within a community. Privacy , quiet, solitude to contemplate things and experience curiosity, connect with self, and self soothe. Knowing your sense of self and who you are for a deep lasting confidence. Sense of accomplishment of things that have personal value. Sense of meaning, connection to something bigger than the self and contributing to something greater.

I feel really alone even in my 14 year marriage. This video is just for me. Thank you. None of my emotional needs are being met and I'm not getting any younger. Woe is me.

Hi Julia! Shifter here! I can see that I could work on meeting more of my needs. One of my needs that has been met - although only online and not in person, is just being a part of the Shift Society. That has been my community for the last couple years and building relationships with people. A safe place where I can truly be myself and to express myself. Thanks for that coach! Now here are my notes for this video: Signs that emotional needs are NOT being met: • If you feel really alone and disconnected from community/society. • Feel stuck or trap. • You often feel really frustrated and worn out. • Feel really unappreciated or recognized. • You feel unaccomplished. Doesn't feel like it matters or make a difference. No one cares. • You feel lost. Just going though emotions in life. Don't feel purposeful. • You feel disconnected from both yourself and community or close people around you. Nothing is all that important. Feeling isolated. Nothing really matters. What 9 basic needs are: 1. A sense of emotional safety and security (Relational safety and security - feel heard and understood. Be yourself) 2. Is the need of Volition. You have say over your own life an over your own choices. 3. Is the need for attention and connection. (We matter) 4. Emotional connection. People that can be there for you and you can be for others. (Some time with someone) 5. Social Connection - a sense of belonging. 6. Is the need for privacy. A need for quiet and alone time. 7. Having a sense of self. Knowing who you are. What do you value and what do you need. 8. A sense of achievement is important to you. 9. Is having a sense of meaning. A sense you are contributing and connected in a big way - like a cause or movement. To those who are watching and reading this, remember always what a worthy and valued person you are! ❤

Imma start with finding a person that I can be emotionally safe and free and can talk with, tysm!

The things that I have worked hard to develop the most would be my sense of contribution, my sense of self and recognizing my own worth. The thing is, however, it's difficult for me to accept the difference between what I need as a human versus what I want when my own ego is standing in the way. Sometimes, finding that inner peace and letting these other basic needs just fall into place comes with a mental shift. It takes work and effort. I guess what I'm realizing as I listen to this video is that sometimes, I fall into this trap about caring too much about things that aren't worth my time and energy.

She has helped me understand myself and others so well.

Thank you! I keep this list on my phone and when I am thinking I made a new friend or I want to evaluate a date I am going to use this list.

I’m so many of these! Especially alone for so many reasons. Just go through my days and just work because I have to have my basic human physical needs met. Emotionally, no needs not being met. Rare ups.. going through the motions… disappointed a lot….

Approval seeking is one thing I’ve got a ton better at!!! I don’t need anyones approval. I spent half my life wanting my dysfunctional family to believe in me and they never did. One day it just hit me that I don’t care about it and I didn’t need them to approve of me. My life got better.

Even without my physical needs being met, I have been trying to prioritize my emotional needs. I am very grateful for the few people in my life who help with my emotional needs

Because you are taking so many deep breaths, I am feeling anxious!!!

I have all of the unmet needs, no exaggeration, for many years. My main thing to work on is self compassion, and not criticizing, comparing or judging myself so much. A lot of books and coaches claim this is an important "seed" to getting healthier. Just got your book in the mail Julia and am really liking it! Thanks for creating it.

My jouney: 1. Always feel like an island - no, was yes 2. Always feel stuck & trapped - no, was yes 3. Always feel frustrated & worn out & overwhelmed - no 4. Always feel Unappreciated - no 5. Always feel Unaccomplished - depends, leaning toward no 6. Always feel lost & aimless - no 7. Reiterate number one - no Emotional needs 1. Safe to be me - yes, depends on the situation 2. Volition - hard yes 3. Matter to others - yes, a few people 4. Emotional connection - currently adding this 5. Social belonging - hard yes, almost too much at times 6. Privacy - maybe 1-2 hours a week 7. Sense of self - no 8. Achievement - no 9. Contributing - sometimes

I'm totally alone and fit in nowhere. Is that what you meant?!!!!

1)Emotional safety and security; it feels safe to be yourself Feel seen, heard, understood, accepted, grace, acceptance 2)the need of volition I have say over my own life, my own choices, self differentiation, unconditional love for yourself 3)the need for attention, genuine authentic human connection 4)deep emotional connection 5)social connection (sense of belonging) 6)need for privacy, need for solitude, need for quiet alone time, need for quiet time, need for self soothing 7)having a sense of self (build deep lasting confidence) 8)

Thankfully I’m blessed to have two “go to” people in my life... they make me feel safe, especially emotionally safe. I struggle everywhere else, but nit with them..

Using my comment as reflection and note-catching For many years, I blamed my spouse for not meeting my needs--not recognizing his brain injury as the reason he is detached. For the last few years, I have felt trapped by my relationships with family, because I hurt them unknowingly and they are sharing their feelings--it feels like blame and saps my strength. Meeting my own needs and helping my family to take responsibility for meeting their own needs should help. I'm on the spectrum and great on some of my routines, but the feeling of accomplishment has faded, and I am working on self-compassion rather than self-blame. I have studied Maslow before, but as a person on the spectrum, I thought of the needs. as intellectual rather than emotional. I love your description of a sense of self--I am 64, and just developing that now. I always described myself with a list of roles before. 1. Emotional safety and security--the need for a relationship where you feel real, seen, heard and felt. 2. Volition--a say over your own choices. (This is big for me--I feel like I don't have a say over my own schedule or choices). 3. Attention--to feel like you are important and what you say matters. Attention=Connection 4. Emotional connection--There are people who are there for you. 5. Social connection--Involvement with a community with a common passion. 6. Privacy, solitude--A need for alone time. 7. A sense of self--deep, lasting confidence. 8. A sense of achievement--achieving things that are important to you--past, present and future. 9. Having a sense of meaning/purpose--that you are contributing in some way and connecting to something bigger than yourself. I can definitely feel the lack in 7 areas, and the need to apologize to my children for the ways I have denied them the choice of meeting their own needs.

I have reflection nowadays, that I feeling missing in my life, my life is stuck because my emotional needs is not being met. Growing in neglected upbringing into adulthood, I never know and never address that I have emotional needs. I ever blaming myself, because I can't express myself that I never taught it. Make sense now. I ever compromised my needs, settle for bare minimum, because I never get my emotional needs being met. I accept what think I deserve.

I listened and connected. I'm an educator and feel you nailed my life right now. I'm struggling. Thank you for your video's.

I sort of belong in several circles but not completely in any of them. I often feel like I’m on the fringes or an outsider.

I'll admit to the accomplishment one. That one I've struggled with my whole adult life. It's because I'm aware of how much more I could do with everything I do. It doesn't help when I notice how others have gone farther in ways that haven't.

I read a book that said "when you seek sanctity the devil will hate you And i began a new chapter of spiritual growth and was going thru people not paying for jobs i did,vehicle sabotafe and so on,It was bad,noone was coming around,,Thats when I was looking for emotional mentoring and found Julia k ,I wouldn't be i in good health if I didn't learn from her teachings,Right as covud hit,also, dble betrayals,, people at work were flipping, ,The suicide rate I think was at an all time hi,like 45 a day in the u.s. so everyone ,was going thru it,Weeks went by and the only positive word I heard or smile I saw was from you I needed that positive reinforcement,I dont think you realize how many lives you saved ,lives you effected in a positive way,how many lives you prevented people from having to go thru tragedy,Human beings are naturally social,so recognition,or communication from another human being with positive energy is just as necessary for our survival as water and air,as proven in studies.Thank you Mrs.K, luv yah. In a not creepy,but very thankful way,And the asmr community.

I am a member of The Shift Society and I have to say this membership community is transformational. I can see so much growth within myself as a result. Thank you Julia!

Thanks so much for this. I’m searching for answers. My homework is to dig deeper into the boundaries. I give and give to my family and kids and have been feeling very unappreciated lately. I tend to give up my “fun stuff” to make their lives easier, but that’s leading to me feeling like my life is meaningless and I don’t matter to anyone. Hard to admit, but good eye opener. Thank you!

I can relate to almost all of this.. I don't have any purpose in life, except from taking care of my dog. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind.. I want to make things better, but have no motivation or will-power. I'm totally completely stuck. It feels like I'm slowly rotting on the inside. Oh and I also miss being in love...

I feel incredibly called out. Thank you for helping me.

@4:20 "Three-mile-long To Do List" here aka "thousands of things to do every moment" - thank you for noticing - but I do feel amazingly fulfilled and highly accomplished.

Got the book Drive Your Own Darn Bus Finished it Love it Recommended it It’s a quarterly read. Thank you!!

My therapy homework this week was to determine what my emotional needs are, if they are being met, if so how, if not how to change it. This was a great intro to what these are.

Shifter Rusty here, One thing Madame Julia Kristina mentions in other videos is reciprocity and I've heard her in videos mentioning mutality. These are sufficient tools for getting the job met and done in any relationship as well. ps: Hi beautiful people, hope you are well my lovelies sending my heart and soul with love. Hi lady!

I have been watching you videos for a long time. Can't even remember how long. I usually take notes. At first, I watched a whole lot. Was doing pretty good with them so hit a place where I quit watching them for a time. Every once in a while, I hit a hard place in life and go back and rewatch old videos or some of your new ones. One difference I have noticed, is that when I take notes now, I am adding in my own little extras just because of things I learned through experiences in life while implementing your ideas. Your work is amazing and life changing and I thank God and you for these videos. You have no idea how much of an impact these videos have made in my life. Thank you so much!

It's so hard to not feel all alone especially at work when other coworkers always work in groups but makes me work alone.....also the higher expectations of me then others while others get more leniency with vaca etc....

You are such a gift to this world. If I could have one wish to come true, it would be to spend one day with you! Golda 🌷🌸🌷🌸🌷

Excellent video, thank you, Julia :)

I really enjoyed this video. Thanks for sharing!!

Great insight, thank you!

Missed you, Julia! 💛🤍 Love your content, Jayla

OH my gosh 8xs yes, I am so happy that I have been working with this stuff with you and your wonderful open be information. Thanks so much.

Thank you, Julia your videos and teachings have been a huge positive influence in my life ❤

Well that was one of your most enlightening videos on RU-vid ever! Pretty informative AND overwhelming! 🙃

Beautifully explained Julia thank you.

Great video We need a lot more of your content! Thank ya Listening now I’m alone and have to work on this and my faith!! I have learned that family is most important!! Can’t take anything but love with us where we’re going Good talk !

Wow...it's exactly what I'm going through...you totally amaze Julia....thank you for this video.. I've been struggling with this for a long time

My chores are just that, chores, always something to care for around the house, I don’t care but I do care, and I have to make myself do the basics. There are projects to get done and I’m all alone and it’s overwhelming. I can’t stay in self pity, and choose to do what is in the best interest for me...even if it’s like going through the motions.. I can’t just give up.

Thank you for the way you explained & reminder to be gentle with yourself

Wow - I need to work on each and everything single one of these - however the first 2 to target are no 7 and no 2 - thank you, really enjoyed this video, am going to go deeper in to the subject in your book x

hi, i just found your channel and it’s honestly helped just watching this video.

This video is right on time. I struggle personally with meeting my own basic emotional needs, it’s nice to have an outline here…

Hello everyone here in the comments how are you feeling today or tonight depending on where you are from in the world spreading care support and love to all❤️

Yes. I love your videos. Your videos are very helpful to me. I have met most of my needs over the years. I am still investing in myself and spreading love into the world.

Dang!!! This is right on.. Thank you for putting this all into words! So much is felt and not spoken for me.

Thank You 🙏 Julia. Awesome video from you. This really digs down to a deeper level. I am an affable loaner. There are times , not often that I don’t know who I am. This is a great video to frequently. Thanks again for all your awesome work.

This 9 Basic Emotional Needs video touches me the whole way thru the 27:17 mins. The 2nd video I've watch/listen by Julia. Everything Julia says means a lot to me. Thanks Julia.

This was a punch in the gut to hear today. I've commented several times on your videos. I really get alot of these. Im 33 and had a brain injury in 2019, and as you can imagine, it had up unendedmy life. Was in berievement for the better part since. Finally, I got in a college town, living alone, and walk to and fro from work, which Im lucky enough to even do, at one point I couldn't even pick up a fork with my left hand. Alot of progress overall, but man, oh man, do I feel on a plateau of frustration life. Coping much better,sober and cope to go back to school, but because of memory, been slow with some steps to get there. day at a time I guess. Thank you for your content!

this one of your best videos it speaks volumes to me

thank you so much for this video, all of these connect with me. i am on self healing to find and love myhself.

Hi Julia, My name is Denis this is the first time I'm introducing myself here, I am on this channel on and off for a long time, you helped me a lot with my inner world, and now I'm on my best path I have ever taken, and 2 days ago finally bought your book as a Printed copy usually I'm using kindle but I did this to make it as a Tool, and share it when I feel someone will need it. Thank you for everything you are doing!

Thank you. I know I need to work on pretty much all these needs. I have battled with anxiety and depression problems for years. But it has just gotten worse in the last year. My doctor has changed my medicine and I am going to start working with a counselor. I feel like watching your channel is giving me a good start on getting the help that I need. Thank you again.

I just found this today. It is what I needed.

InsightfulIy Profound On Point Video .... Bravo 👏 Nicely Done Julia! 🌟

Brought tears to my eyes listening to the first 10 minutes. Seem to tick all the boxes unfortunately. I think it just highlighted where I'm at and have been for the last few years. I'm probably too much for the shift society tbh. But I have to say, your videos help and generally find them soothing. Thank you.

Brilliant video.☀️

Having a sense of self is important. I tend to feel alone and not connected to my interests, wants, and needs, making me feel down. I want to change that. Also, I share your videos to my classmates, instructors, and anyone else when appropriate. I feel people really should learn these as I sense people are not living to their fullest potential and could use some Julia Kristina

You are nailing it in this video too. I experience all that. Im constantly alone and everything in my life feels empty and no one really cares because I'm isolated. I really wish I could speak to you directly. You sound like you would he someone that understands but my question is there anyway to correct all of it? Thats what I need. Someone to guide me out of this self-imposed prison. At least I hope it's self-imposed. I've got health insurance.

They all resonate with me but I will pick one, which we are all doing by watching this, which is invest in my personal well being/development. X

Interesting stuff.....really making sense.

Julia, you have a soothing voice 😊

I shared your page with my daughter,she'll like your teachings

are you doing ok? i dont check out your videos too often, but i think theyre great.

Hi Julia, I just told an electrician about your book the other day. Thanks

I was diagnosed bipolar In 1996, and have chosen a different path after 26 years of psychotropic and losing interested in living.. I feel better but I am new on this path.. my immediate hurdle is how to help my 24 college educated, working young daughter.. she has been distinct and seems to enjoy negative insidious jabs and mean comments she has a right to feel if it’s her reality but it has rocked my world because she refuses to talk to me, think of therapy and I was so self destructive a week ago with her flow of ugly words.. and 8 days later she calls me crying needing me to drive to her apartment late last night.. I haven’t slept, can barely eat but knew her pain.. I was able to invite her home and be loved and comforted but she said she was busy.. I said not to night and I will try tomorrow. But did have plans with my husband who has loved me through 2, suicidal depressions in less than 9 months.. and her parting words 8 days ago had me self destructing cuz it’s got to be me that is the problem… I fell asleep 3am woke at 9:45 lots of sleep for me.. but had a migraine that comes along with this stress, PTSD AND TRAUMA that within the last year she has funneled her anger and pain.. I gave her distance, no contact from her except a few rude texts.., I am talking to much about me but I told her I wasn’t going to get to see her but definitely Sunday as their is a celebration of life.. she said ok but I disappointed her again.. I apologized as I constantly do and then 2 hours later, she finds out she ran a red light and it’s $500 .. and cried and cried her life is worthless lonely and begged me to come down .. I had a lot to finish up but said I would try to make it by 5… my son took my car, I needed to complete chores, etc.. well arrived at 7:15 and she basically verbally attacked me, and apologized again and again.. I told her let’s pick up and take a different road with a different attitude.. she pouted and sniped at me’m I said I was just going to go home, I am and have been hurting too but I was and will always be here for her and try to help.. long and short she refuses to talk to me, I ask random non mental health related! .. I brought old cassette tapes of her at 2 & her bib either at 4.. didn’t want to listen , I don’t know how to help if she can’t have a real painful for both of us conversation.. no of my experiences or unrelated topics , even funny stories engage her. I am to need to step away or I will self destruct so she can be right instead of happy.. my parenting, my mental illness ( which she wrote and turned into bot HS and College tough stuff but I made plenty of mistakes and just want to learn to life in my skin… they have been my whole life, and family of origin before that.. I don’t know how I am., any ideas I want to try I am told you can’t do that and at this point my foundation is rocked just like it was 56 years ago… But I would love a discussion on how to help my daughter whom i love and herself is in the depths of depression.. I just know she doesn’t d more important to me and I can’t bare having her suffer the loneliness.. but realistically I am barely standing.. I appreciate your time .. trying to explain a situation that has not presented itself, although I was open and tried to be a very involved mother .. thank god I have pictures / scattered memories due (to ETC AND over .40 different psychotics of me being involved in all things my kids were

Julia is awesome!

I'm still trying to build back after everything was destroyed intentionally by a person who made a big mistake and entitled themselves to my resources ,emotional and financial and mental,whenever you look back in life and be honest with yourself about actual cause and effects of events and realize all the mysterious job losses,strret fights,hacked accounts,sabotaged vehicle's, horrendous smesr campaign ,death threats, alchemical attacks,hospital stays,waking up from being ambushed(i was shot in the head with a wrist rocket and woke up by a cop ),and being homeless, vehicle less ,and the person that caused all this still trying to end my life,went on to assault my family,brother, sister and my daughter and son, and not one person gives a damn it causes me to view the world different.i wanted to neutralize this demon maggot at least so he wouldn't hurt nobody else's family ,because he will g heres no doubt he has to literally because he completely lacks tha ability to manufacture internal happiness;as a result of the deal be made .This behavior had i been able to know all these thing i would never attempted ,but I beat myself til I tried to hurt myself, then I thought about it;;

Thank you! A starting counselor from the Philippines :)

wish my husband was willing to listen to your talks

Thankyou for this video! It really helped to be able to tie some of the confusion in my life to core needs. The ones I am struggling with are; (1) Sense of volition/ agency in my life. I often feel dissociated, disconnected and in chaos. Recently I have found a lot more ground in my life and I am working on trusting myself enough to make choices founded in a real sense of self and move forward from there. I hope to have a less changeable sense of self before I commit to any major life changes but I am frustrated because the clock is always ticking and sometimes I feel like I will never get there. (Any advice is appreciated!) (4) Sense of social connection. I feel connected to my friends and people who identify with left-wing politics broadly, I identify with people who struggled with childhood neglect. I broadly identify with outcasts, fighters, people who see the beauty in nature and creative people, but I am still trying really hard to find a greater sense of authentic group connection. I think my struggle with this is at the heart of my struggle to choose a course of study/ meaningful future career direction. (6) Sense of self. Huge. I really struggle with feeling real at all most of the time alone who I am. This is the big one for me. (7) Sense of purpose. there are many times that I have contributed to greater causes and meaning but oftentimes it did not feel that connected, I guess, to a sense of myself so mostly it all fizzled. Thanks again! I will check out this 'Building Lasting Confidence series!'

Julia Kristina.good afternoon and listening and watching this new video now about 9 basic emotional needs this video definitely relates to me definitely have a lot of emotion needs I have no close family sept my parents and don't have any close friends this connect s so much

Being Human is kinda Hard 😢

Very educational video

Thank you

Can relate to most of the signs you talked about, especially feeling disconnected…

I feel frustrated and worn out Julia like I’m just going through the motions.

My total lack of affection towards me in a relationship is distracting me from everything. That need is not being met. Work feels pointless without someone in my life. What am I working for? I'm only providing for myself, and myself isn't enough, no matter how much I hear things like, "You are loved" and "You are enough". It isn't any more. Dating is proving disappointing, and far harder than it was in 2014 when I last got into a relationship. I've worked so hard the last couple of years to work on my weaknesses, but I feel myself slipping back into a very negative mindset.

I really can't make any decisions without second guessing,due to gas lighting.

I recognise a short come in several of my needs but none at the intensity that you describe - there are two I come back to - emotional connection and volition. Autonomy - seems to be a strong requirement for me.

HI! This is so me.

I wanted to become a History teacher Julia, but it didn’t happen because nobody approved of it.

I always feel like this

All of them.

I'm guilty on all counts😂

#1,2 are so hard religiously.

I’m not getting any emotional needs met. No wonder I’m feeling like I do

Didn't need to watch this to say no.

whats crazy is I did not realize how much of my emotional needs that were not being met until I mastered meeting my basic needs😒

Starts at 10:08

Amen

I always feel trapped and lonely

Everyone of them.