7 Signs Your Parents Are Toxic (But You Don't Realize It) 

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The worst part is when it becomes normalized. As a kid, I never realized just how toxic it is; I thought it was normal.

Everything hits you like a train once you are an adult, and it hurts just as much as the real thing.

And when parents say "You are just a child what problems do you have in life ?" AND Whatever happens, they will always blame you, They won't believe you and say that it's your mistake always even when it is not. And the worst is when they say that they will help us when we tell them about our problems and tensions but they DON'T.

I'm literally crying right next to my mum and she dosen't even notice. How great.

“How dare you speak like that to your father!” “How dare you speak like that to your daughter” “I am the parent! I can speak to you how I want to!”

I'd rather be childfree and regret not having a child THAN having one that I cannot maintain...

My parents are toxic, and I thought it was normal, and I am deeply sorry to other people going through this 💕

The worst part is When people relate to this,it just breaks my heart💔

What's crazy is my parents don't even realize their toxic but they continue to live as if they do nothing wrong.

My dad kicked me out of the house for losing his “favorite tape measurer” I was out in the cold for an hour and when I came back into the house I was freezing cold and shivering, my dad laughed at me and told me I was faking a reaction and overdramatizing it. He then got my brother and mom to laugh and mock me too.

It always hurts to see kids with their parents having the time of their life, and especially when the parents don’t seem to mind ANYTHING that their child does

*I feel so bad for people who have delt with toxic families, I could never possibly know what that pain must've felt like :(*

I think one question remains is how can we overcome toxic parents that continue to do so when we’re adults

"Sometimes even the closest person is actually the real enemy" -Me

Let's break the cycle of emotional abuse. My parents passed some things down that should've never been said or taught.

This, except paired with spontaneous moments of unconditional love, being my parents’ pride and joy, being love bombed, only for it to all fall apart at the slightest notice. They were my source of comfort and fear, the subject of my admiration and my resentment. I constantly flip back and forth between feeling like I should distance myself as much as possible, because im certain they are toxic, to thinking I’m delusional, a bad person and making up problems where there aren’t any because I’m spoiled and manipulative. I never know which side is right, and when is the right time to do anything.

~timestamps~ 1.they project their negativity onto you 0:28 2.they show little to no empathy 1:00 3.they are overly critical 1:42 4.despite knowing your boundaries,they ignore them 2:32 5.they insult you to hurt you 3:20 6.you are the reason for anything negative 3:56 7.they are all take and no give 4:41 hope this helps💕have a great day y'all💝

My mom doesn't remember the toxic things she's said to me. I remember though, and I haven't seen her the same way as I used to before. I moved away since. But when I was around I wasn't mentally alright. At first I learned that expressing myself ended with her always one-uping my experiences with hers. So at some point I shut my mouth completely. I stop talking. Seemed to solve any fights or arguments. I suppose that didn't work well for me. As it made it harder for me to socialize in school and with family in general. "The quiet kid", I'm not proud of it. Because I kept to myself so much I was like a bomb ticking. When I did show emotion, and often in fights with mom, I'd get loud. But always tried to make sure what I said wasn't to attack her. I know my mom's gone through a lot, she's traumatized in ways I dont understand. I've always and will feel empathetic torwards her. But I don't feel it from her and she wasn't when I needed her the most.

The parentification and boundaries one got me. Sometimes I wish parents had some of the same knowledge we do. Yes, they may be more clever, and smart, but with mental illnesses with their child, some are just stupid at it.

for everyone who has this, i am so sorry, i’ve went thru this and i hope y’all are going to feel better😊

As someone who has heard the "I'm the parent" excuse when my boundaries weren't respected more times than I can count, my god, do I hate it when parents use that excuse

The “You ruined my life” and the “I couldn’t get to my goals because I had to raise you”. My mom says this to me minimum once a week. All the other stuff too, but, you saying the exact same phrase they say to me was suprising

I was never allowed to close my door because “ I need to see everything you do” and 4:10 the second one I relate. I was always the therapist if the family and I became very depressed and I was bottling it down and… I at one point burst when someone was making fun of my mum for being too st

words can’t explain how much I thank you rn, now I know both of my parents are toxic/ abusive :) thank you

One day that I’ll never forget is when I was having a panic attack, my dad said, “No teenager your age acts like this!” And then my mom agreed with him. I was shocked because ik ppl that have/had panic attacks and they don’t get blamed or shamed! Anybody at any age gets that.. This is why I don’t like talking about my feelings so much because I think that someone will use my feelings against me.🙄 (there’s a lot more bs with my dad.)

Having toxic parents sucks especially with boundaries and privacy I'm almost 18. Yet i share a room with my brother We can't close our door I can't even have privacy in the bathroom or while showering. Being able to be home alone for a few minutes is a heaven

You definitely have teached a lot of people. Thanks for the help:)

You made me cry, your such a supportive person ❤❤️

As long as I'm clothing and feeding you, you'll follow my rules. Those are the manipulative words of toxic parents. They also show no empathy and they expect that their children will show them empathy. They're just always demanding. This is a very common thing that happens here in Africa

I think parents don’t realize that what we live when we’re young has a huge impact on us They probably think that someone so young can’t understand their own feelings and can’t feel something intense so they tend to belittle their child’s experience, and in some way I don’t even blame them, but I realized that who I am today is the result of how they treated me so yeah, parents shouldn’t think that their words have no negative effect

my parents always tend to scream or argue whenever I cry. they say “Stop crying!” Or “This isn’t something to cry about.” it’s almost like they think we’re, immune to it..

Honestly, this might have saved my sanity. Thank you so much for making this.

All of these are recognizable for me even now as an adult the abuse still exists and it's terrible and drawing.

I know my parents are toxic because I hate them. They've just acted this way since I was little and had no clue why, I didn't realize it or thought it was normal, but now growing up and as a teenager, I realized it more and more and now I hate the way they act towards me. Sometimes they blame things on me and literally makes me annoyed and hate even more each day. This is my story. :(

*When you relate to all of these and with every drop that falls into that bucket, you find yourself fighting back another tear*

My whole family(close and distant) have a record of not letting the rest of the family, people who are considered as friends and even people who are physically not part of the family have boundaries and will teach their child to always, and I mean ALWAYS, invade other peoples personal space. I myself have been terribly touchy with my friends and they always get uncomfortable with me around since I always pat them on the head, hug them, touch their shoulder or knee etc. I didn’t realize I was invading their personal space until it became a problem of them distancing from me slowly until they just weren’t my friend anymore My parents never gave me boundaries and still don’t emotionally and physically I have tried to establish my own boundaries many times but they either ignore me entirely or even go as far as to mocking me and/or using it as a one sided joke I am trying to better myself, giving my friends their emotional and physical boundaries and promised myself that once I get a kid when I’m older, I will teach and give them their personal space and not be like the rest of my family line Edit: my parents are getting better and they do try to set boundaries with me now. Unlike how I’ve put it in this comment, they are NOT toxic and I still love and care for them very much.

My father was particularly bizarre. Sometimes he'd decide that the window in my bedroom needed to be opened or closed. He'd barge into my room, open or close the window, make a comment about how I must be mentally disabled because "A normal person would have the window open/closed" then he'd leave, leaving the door open. He'd also semi-regularly put ingredients back in the fridge while I was cooking or making a sandwich. Just silently walk in, put everything away, then walk out, refusing to acknowledge that I was even in the room.

It's shitty knowing my toxic dad is actually the reason I know how to take care of myself...

It's hard when you know this is happening to you, but there really isn't anything you can do until you move out. It's taken me up until just about last year to finally figure it out. It's hard, and it takes a lot to heal. Especially when you know you'll probably never have a chance to rebuild that relationship that every human desires. But, you've got this. ❤

Nr. 4 hit so hard! I explain my boundaries on a weekly basis and still they dismiss them at every opportunity they get. And when I get upset and for example change my passcode to my phone cause they were making pictures of my chats with my friends. It’s my fault and I need to change it back, or there is a huge fight. I can never talk back and everything they want will be done. This goes mostly for my mom, my dad has finally gotten some sense of my boundaries and is now not barging in my room or snooping through my phone anymore, but its so exhausting

My mom definitely has rough parts that caused a lot of trauma for me, but at the same time she is nice and loving to people so even if she switches her mood very quickly it’s still really confusing. I don’t know if she’s good or bad

My mom got angry at me when she knew I didn't woke up early to finish my homeworks. She threw a slipper at me and it hit my arm. It turned red. But I didn't mind it. I cried. I was stress. Everything in my life seems like they were forcing me to do something I don't like at the very first place. I felt tired. I cried and cried until I drifted off to sleep. Other than that, my mom apologised at me but I still can't forget that. I love her but I just don't get it why she's that angry at me. Maybe because of work too? I may not know but it has truly affected me both physically and mentally.

The fact that all of them matched and I never knew. I cry in my room every night .I cannot make my mother understand. I try my best In everthing.

I was shaking in tears as i watched this and just realized how this has just turned into something normal for me like feeling unworthy or im always the problem or how i just normalized my mom insulting me for the littlest things... I dont think i can take this anymore :(

I'm glad I'm a person who tries to comfort my friends. That way, if they have such a family, I can help!

No.7 rings true to me. I was never able to vocalise why interactions were so exhausting. This captures it so well.

3:56 my mom never says it, but when shes mad or i make a mistake, she always yells and gets angry to the point where i flinch. I hate being yelled at now. Amd i always feel like im never enough becuase if i was, she wouldnt be mad when i ask her questions od make a mistake like steping infront of her shopping cart or getting in her walking path.

Im honestly in a bit of a state of shock after realizing I've experienced all of these. I just thought that I was just a terrible waste of a person and it's kind of nice to hear the other side of it. The one that really stuck out to me was the "I could have been successful if it wasn't for you" one. I just thought this stuff was normal for parents to say and that I was being overly emotional.

The psychotherapist helped me to realise that the problems were not only in me, but also at home. I thank her, and it took me a long time to realise that myself. I was looking on Facebook for a room, an apartment to rent, I wanted to live a normal life where there was no more pain, and there was a lot of pain at home, because of my toxic mother. A girl wrote to me, she was also looking for a flat to rent. We corresponded for a few days. A few days later we met, we looked at the flat. We took it right away. When I told my mother I was moving out, she told me to disappear until the police were called. Ok. I never had a mother, it was just a stranger. Well, that and a splinter in my ass. I packed my things, but I had nowhere to sleep - so I slept on the floor - in a shed. It was a cold night, but it's a good thing I didn't get sick. At 5am I got up and went to work for extra work. At 12 o'clock I finished work. I ate and went to sign the lease, together with Amber. Everything went smoothly. The landlady said that I could move in today too. I went back home. I wanted to say goodbye to my brother and mother. I said goodbye to my brother, but it was impossible to communicate with my mother, damn her. I went to my neighbour, asked him to help me take my things away. While I was waiting, the neighbours fed me, thank you, because I really wanted to eat. They drove me to my flat, helped me to put my things away, thank you again.I should be grateful to Amber for showing up in my life at the right moment. I used a translator. I apologise for my grammatical errors

This has been quite helpful with me as I'm still comming to terms with my mother's abuse. I'm only sixteen and thought all parents acted so horribly.

2:10 Appeasement: 99.9% impossible 70%? YOU *FALIURE!* 80%? WTFWTFWTFWTF WHY DO YOU NEVER GET BETTER! 90%? When... will you... learn... 100%, but no chores. Useless! Child: :( I am not worthy of living. :,(

It makes me sad to know that some people have to go through this

As a child, once I dropped a cup and my mother was like punched me immediately...she gets really angry when me and my sister don't sleep, she would turn up the lights of our room as punishment. She didn't do these for our good. She did these for control.

I did not realize I had toxic parents. Thank you!

I am SO glad I dont have parents like thisl. I send thoughts and prayers to the people who have to deal with stuff like this.

The only reason that I don't have kids, is that my parents f*** up my childhood. But I learn a lot from how I was neglected and treated. I'll never do the same mistakes my parents did, if I ever have kids.

I’m watching a bunch of your videos on this subject and I never realized till the last year or two that my parents are pretty toxic and completely emotionally unavailable. This has caused me figure out that their parenting is exactly why I am the way I am. These videos have made me cry as I feel understood and that this is exactly what I’m feeling. Listening to the explanations make my stomach hurt for some reason, they’re so accurate.

and it only gets worse when you try, try, and try again to be braver and stand up for what you believe in, but they keep kicking u down. you're now encased in a little box, with every criticism shrinking both it and you. eventually, you find urself living in fear, and discouraged to even say smth. you're now left to keep what you feel to urself, bc yk it will only get worse when you try to do smth abt it. now, every tiny criticism or scold hurts a big deal, and you find yourself not knowing what to do. no one comforts you. no one thinks that what they're doing or saying to affect you is wrong; instead, they think of another solution that doesn't include them. it's always you who has to improve, and not them.

This just made me cry, because I relate to this, especially when they insult me to make me down. I know they are trying to do better, it was because of the virus that made me more shy and introvert, and with them, anger and impatient

Number 1 - They Project Their Negativity Onto you - 0:27 Number 2 - They Show Little To No Empathy - 0:58 Number 3 - They are Overly Critical - 1:42 Number 4 - Despite Knowing Your Boundaries They Ignore Them - 2:31 Number 5 - They Insult You To Hurt You - 3:21 Number 6 - You Are The Reason For Anything Negative - 3:55 Number 7 - They Are All Take And No Give - 4:40 This is my first time doing this! To anyone who have any of these signs please hear me out, your always beautiful and don’t let anyone bring you down.

my parents are exactly like this, so this is a reminder for me that I was always being sensitive being hurt or being taken advantage of. For years my parents are this and I thought it was normal. I'm glad that I was able to discontinue my belief that I'm unworthy. now I know more that I'm a worthy human being.

Your drawings are so cute! Keep up the hard work, and don't anyone hide your awesomeness!!!!!❤

This hit in the heart, i’m just about heading into being a teen, yet i am on the internet cuz it’s a place where i can go on to find comfort after life was strict on me i have issiues with going to school, it’s a trigger for me, yet irl i cannot open up to anybody now because i just think that i’m not worthy i didn’t get told that by my parents, it was by my teacher, but i saw her as a second mother and she said herself that she considers her classes like her own children, and it was in elementary school and abt the issiues with school; at first they were a bit understanding, then my parents started to get angry, my mom not really, but my dad definitely my dad is a toxic parent and he says that he has to be the strict perent between him and mom, and while i was in a crisis he tried to comfort me but he just said ‘look i’m sorry, could i have a hug? i need one’ he was also upset, but i just got told that i’m a problem and while in crisis i hate getting touched and he knows that i already have a wounded inner child, i’m slowly healing them, but they are already wounded and i’m not even a teen yet, and he’s most of the problem my mom on the other hand is a great parent, she’s my favourite i did have to comfort her sometimes, but she comforts me aswell, she had also found out abt my first online friend and instead of yelling at me she was a bit mad and i got a bit scolded for going against some rules in the house but in the end she did comfort me and she was kind, especially after i got diagnosed with ASD/Autism i did have to comfort her because of grandma making her upset and her getting overloaded, but in the moment she was overloaded and need comfort, and she gives it back overall could my parents be better? yeah but is my mom trying her hardest and succeeding? mhm and is my dad trying? he’s putting in his minimum, and doesn’t actually care that much damn trauma dump- didn’t meant to do so

I don't cry in front of my parents because they always shut me down saying, "you can't just keep crying and sitting in your feelings because you can't do that in the real world". That's a great mentality to grow up with

Oh wow. My mother has 5 of 7 points of this. I always wonder, why me and my siblings are hot headed and easily offended with other people. I'm 35 years old now and this 6 minutes video got the answer why.. Thank you for sharing..

I have had to deal with my parents talking to me in some of these ways but my dad passed in 2022 and my mom has been really hurting and even if my parents did talk to me these ways sometimes i truly believed they loved me so much! And they never physically abused me ever so i know im still lucky to have them.i know some other kids out there arent as lucky and i wish each and every abused kid out there a bright future! If your being abused by your family try and work hard at school and try to get into a good college or get a good life like get a house a job maybe even a gf/bf and earn good money and when your family tries to intervene shut them out and throw them out of your life. And if its going to be difficult for u to do that because of support problems or abuse problems tell someone about it thst you know you can trust like a relative a teacher even a cop and get the emotional support you need to move on in life. I i think that would be best for yall!❤ i hope a bright future for everyone and hope that they csn get the help they need! God bless!

My parents often say “You’re so lucky.” and “You have it way better than I did, so you shouldn’t feel miserable.” to me, and it just gets on my nerves. They’re blatantly dismissing my emotions and calling them invalid, guilt tripping me by telling me how they’re lives were back then. They always dismiss my feelings and I don’t know what to do. They probably aren’t trying to be toxic, but they’re short minded if they think constantly punishing me and running me down emotionally will make me happier, even with how lucky I am. It’s to the point where I’m scared to even talk to them…

the "dumps all of their emotional issues onto you" and "insults you to hurt you and pulling in others to join them" really got to me because wow that was my mom.

I went through emotional parentification from my father when I was little up until the age of 14. I actually just discovered the term last week. It’s bled into my relationships because I’m horrible at establishing boundaries and feeling like I should help and fix everyone. Heck when I was 12-14 I went through a period where I was suddenly put out of direct contact with my father (moved in with my mom after living with him for awhile) and i subsequently became very depressed and hated myself. I had a multitude of other issues piled on and on top of that I didn’t have anyone to parent emotionally anymore. I also had a new brother, so attention was taken away from me. I sought out relationships which ended up being toxic. It was a lot, and even on top of that my father would go further into a downward spiral and I felt helpless and worthless cause I couldn’t do anything to fix him. Before I left the situation I was also bullied physically and verbally, and my fathers mom also treated me bad because I didn’t react right emotionally and didn’t process things, cause I’m autistic. I had a lot of people around me that didn’t seem to care about me, on top of my little brother taking attention away. I developed a resentment towards my bro in my teen years and I regret not working on it cause I wasn’t nice to him. We are fine now but still I regret it. It was a lot and the odds were stacked against me emotionally for awhile. But Im finally healing, at the age of 21. To those who have been through similar experiences, you are not responsible for your parents emotions. You cannot and should not have to fix them. They should have been there for you. You deserve to have your emotional needs met. Thanks psych2go, and im hoping you do a full video on parentification sometime if you haven’t yet Edit: wanted to say my mom is the only one that’s always had my back. She’s not perfect by any means but she has acknowledged and even apologized for mistakes and bad decisions she’s made in the past while raising me. She’s the best mom ever and I have a very close knit relationship with her now.

I am so glad I have loving parents. Thanks for the video.

The last two ones have happened to me on several occasions and i have just learned to live with it

The 4th one abt ignoring boundaries hits close to me. I am sometimes in my room when my mom barges in without knocking on the door. When it happens, I hv to guess if it's good news, neutral or bad news with my mom's presence.

I never really thought that my dad was toxic, but my sister helped me to realize that he may not have physically beaten us, but he can't control his anger and he's short fused, so he usually yells at us over small things and sometimes apologizes. I've told him before that I've gotten more sensitive to loud noises, so I'll cover my ears to help suppress some noise. I remember one time recently, he was yelling at me or my sis for something, and I was covering my ears until he was done yelling ans he yelled, "Yeah, GO ON. COVER YOUR DAMN EARS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO." And it hurt, cause I'm sensitive. I hate when he gets like this, but.. he's my only parent I've got left. Aside from letting the small stuff get to him, he's a good dad tho. At least he knocks before entering our rooms and cooks for us, not that we ask him to. Still, it's kind and he doesn't have to, and yet he does. Idk, is this a toxic mindset for me?

I don't remember much from my childhood and I never thought my parents were bad but now I remembered one moment when I broke a glass at my grandmas' and I strated crying so bad and was feeling like I just did something that is unforgivable and that my grandma will hate me. Then I was so shocked when she came to me, hugged me and said "ohh why are you crying, it's nothing bad, it's just a glass, I have many of them don't worry". The suprise I felt. It's like I've never heard that before...

i just sheded tears after hearing the first sing as i have experienced it i knw how it feels as i went though it i realized i was not having toxic life many children r i hope their parents understand them

My mother's love was conditional and she herself told me that am worthless and will never amount to anything. Glad I cut her off and moved out and never having to see her narcissistic face. I never chose to be born by her. The worse was when she found my pregnancy shameful and criticised me for it I had enough and was done. I blocked her and went no contact

Thank u so much for making such effort for making these videos and educating us about mental health.. It means a lot to me as someone with a really abusive and immature father 🙂

111. Your videos has helped me alot. Thank you.🙏🏻

Fantastic video im gon show this one to my parents

My husband's father does a lot of these things. He has been mentally abusing his sons and even his wife for decades, and getting my husband out of his domination was very difficult and very painful for both of us. Now it is difficult seeing his brother still living with his parents and not mentally strong enough to get out of there, and not being able to do much to help him.

„You know how much money I would save if I haven’t got you?” I heard that pretty often in my childhood, now I feel guilty or uncofortable when someone buys something for me or pays for me

I never realized the importance of boundaries… I was never given that growing up even now that I’m 18 I still have none to my parents

This just made me realize how much I stopped caring about what my parents say or thing about me and how much less I interact with them since the past 2 years

(For context: I'm almost 16 and I have social anxiety) My mom is very overprotective, I love her very much but she treats me like a 4-year-old who doesn't know how to do anything, to the point where she made me sleep in her bed for YEARS because my room is "dangerous", but she lets my dad and my brother sleep there because "if something happens they'll know what to do" (my brother now sleeps in my room and I sleep in his, but if it wasn't for him offering to sleep there I still would be sleeping in her bed). I can't stay home alone for more than 10 minutes because "what if you faint?" (I fainted three times 2-3 years ago, once because of P.E. and twice because of the heat from the shower. I didn't just faint randomly, and it doesn't happen anymore because now I know my limits). My brother told me that he's doing the best he can to get her off me, that my anxiety would probably be lower if she wasn't like this, and that he doesn't understand how I'm not as mad as he is about the situation. I told him that, yes, it's frustrating, but it could be worse, she could be abusive. He told me that she is being abusive, even if she has the best intentions. I was like "...nahh, she's not(?)", and he said that she isn't physically abusive but she still is abusive. I've been watching all your videos about parents because it's been in my head ever since, and I don't know what to think anymore 🤠

One theme my mom called me a disaster to the family…I can’t get over it

I cannot believe it thank you so much.

This whole video hits hard for me, but especially #6. My father has been like this since my earliest memories (earliest memory I can remember like that is when i was about 3 maybe 4), which is why I try not to associate with my family as much as possible. I lost contact with them for a few years and only just got back in contact because of the pandemic. This was a massive mistake on my part as somehow they seem to be worse than before, more self-centered and likely to blame external factors than to have a good hard look at themselves

Thank you for addressing toxicity in dysfunctional families.

Watching this video made me feel better. My parents either put me on an equal footing with them or made me feel like a jerk. I felt guilty and repenting for my alleged mistakes. Now I'm trying my best to get away from my parents and not be subjected to moral abuse. It's even scary to think again that living in all this is normal and that the world is really like this

Thank you so much My dad is toxic and used tobacco when he was 12 years old

I don't know if someone will see this but , I have been living my life with toxic people around me there always a gathering for family every year but I never enjoy it because I always been a quiet kid since I have social anxiety when talking to other people.. My dad this year family gathering mad at me for not going there. He yelled,smashed things, and saying alot of bad words about me and my other siblings. I cried because of the pressure I felt that day, I said I can't go because I'm sick but he wouldn't listen to me. I always been wanting to go out from my house and leave my town to place that no one knows me so that I can't take care myself and my cats. it's just that I haven't get the opportunity to do it. I also had been abused since I was a child and I already let it go but sometimes things around me makes me recall the past. I just hope there will be a day/year that I finally get out from this town.

The moment when “you can heal yourself” came up, i just uncontrollably started smiling cause if i got the power, i can do it! No one is gonna stop me!😁😁😁

I like these videos I like to learn or acknowlege any mistakes I've made or making. Thank you for these videos

‼️ Could you please do a video on how chronic illness affects mental health? I’m a teenager that was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease less than a year ago, and being in constant pain has caused me to feel isolated and invalid. I feel it could help a lot of people understand it’s more than a physical thing. Thank you! ❤️

this video made me really sad. not for myself, but knowing that so many out there have to deal with this kind of toxicity : (

Yep.. wouldn’t expect these 7 signs go to both of my parents

My parents are semi toxic, and they’ve only gotten worse the older I get, but it takes me harder than they mean because my past is awful

Is it bad that this is the only place I feel safe about being open and being myself? This is the the only place where I feel safe expressing my emotions.

I grew up with supportive parents, and for me, it's a massive pity to see how many people were raised by toxic parents. This should really be taken more seriously, I feel really bad