9 Phrases That EXPOSE A Narcissist For Who They Are 

Narcisists usually run away. If you don't submit to bullshit.

They start the smear campaign.

This random stranger REALLY appreciates your comment.

and abusive perpetrating family members yeh - had this experience when I confronted abusive brother with the truth and he literally, physically ran away' with @@vitkomusic6624

Agreed. However it did make my narcissistic former colleague and friend project all of her insecurities on me. Literally everything she accused me of doing when I stood firm on my boundaries, exhibited that the word no is a complete sentence and held her accountable for her absolutely troubling boundary trampling behavior, she accused me of doing everything she was doing. You know the whole circular talk thing. Little did I know, what I took her to tasks on everything and let her think that I knew more than she thought I did and had her thinking that everyone was talking about her, I used her own gas lighting and emotional manipulation tactics against her. I thoroughly terrified her into turning into a ghost. She left me alone and I eventually used the silence and mental vacation to go fully no-contact

Absolutely true, exact same thing with me...I'd be constantly baffled by witnessing her actions and behaviors projected onto me, and yes, being accused of those actions while she was exhibiting them!

The hypocrisy is so real. I was with mine for 26 years. I knew there was something off about her but I could never put it all together.

Unfortunately my dad like that 😏 and mother gives me the silence treatment. My dad uses the phrase I was born this way this was part of my personality.

So spot on. My version was, "you just want me to be exactly like you. If you wanted someone who would see your perspective, you should have married someone else."

Same here!!

This is what I did almost 8 years ago and couldn't be happier!

Just did this 2 days ago 😮‍💨

There's an old saying, if you want to fight the devil don't let him know you're coming

yes. moved to a different state without telling anyone 🎉

I did this today

Thank you so much!!!❤

Quotes: You ruined everything... I don't care...I've done everything to you and you don't appreciate it...I just live life but you won't let things go...You only think about yourself...We are dating, and I don't owe you an explanation...You are too sensitive...I don't feel the need to respond to every message. ( no response to my sincere message).... You are embarrassing me.

They project things on us that THEY are doing. It's called Projection. It is a defense mechanism.

😂it's not even subtle

totallt qgree

Yeah it’s insane. It’s like they’re a different species

Yeah projection is a big part of it, they complain about people doing the very things they do. I also noticed whenever I tried to shine light on things they do to get them to change all it did was when we were around other people they would try n accuse me of the things I tried to educate them about. They would have never been able to come up wit those things had I not told them about them. I jus stopped trying because what I realized was they weren't even trying to convince me of anything, they were really jus trying to keep the lie up to themselves. You can literally stop arguing and they'll continue on basically arguing wit themselves.

Your mom is a w____. Tell her that. She will go no contact after but she should know what she is.

*_My mother made me this way_* Wow. I can relate. I have a sibling who is the same. Yeah mum may have treated them a certain way, but ultimately they are responsible for their own behaviour and they should actually know better and act accordingly Sadly it’s too easy when they can blame a dead person for their own shortcomings, play victim and seek the sympathy

Despicable, Reprehensible and have No Moral Compass

They don't care about appearing pathetic to the people around them

These demons have walked amongst us since time out of mind. It is not new.

That's not an excuse to be toxic. You either forgive or you leave them you don't become toxic there's never a reason to do that

My ex called me toxic because I called her out on a lie. She told me she couldn't get pregnant because she had the surgery. Once we broke up, she dated another guy and got pregnant. When I confronted her I said " you told me you couldn't get pregnant. Her response " I said I had the surgery, I NEVER said I couldn't get pregnant. I'm glad I RAN from her when I did. 😅

They always blame you for your reaction to their behavior. You were probably hurt and fed up - never stay with someone who disrespects you. Don’t betray yourself ❤️ lessons we have to learn.

Yeah, I heard that one anytime when I cornered her on " lies by omission"....or she would say...." why does it matter, it was 10 years ago"?

But then they never had a "best"!

Yeah, it's like "What best? I've never seen it" but if you say slightly being sly and smug, then it can present to a narcissist like a touche, A Narcissist requires a bit of finesse and to make it sound like they will be even more amazing than they already are, if you catch a narcissist with unexpected responses to their rants with a calm and unemotional tone, it makes them level out and be calm too, it helps though if you have the type of personality where the more angry you get the more calm you are. Maybe it takes a bit of a sarcastic sadistic person to be with a narcissist successfully, it would be interesting to research different personality types in a relationship with a narcissist.

​@onidaaitsubasa4177 no, that would be a terrible thing to research. We need it to be a dating show on Netflix. The last episode of season two (which is always the last good episode) will just be a psychopath eating a covert narcissist. Directed by Sam Hyde.

​​@@onidaaitsubasa4177i do that. When they r ranting in my face, belittling, baiting etc I go deathly silent whilst imagining them meeting their demise. It does diffuse the spotfires Its a sibling sigh meow

Well I sure don't deserve your worst, so I probably can't handle your best either.

I noticed this empathetic and carefully worded texts I’d send. I could have a novel about finding out I have terminal cancer, and if I put a line such ‘Please listen to my concerns and excuse my unavailability during this time’ and she’d go nuclear.

lol and even if you didn’t say anything they could attack, they make something up. 🫠

Omgg my ex did this but the time it stood out most was after a fight I had with him. I vented to my "friend" about it, and it evolved into a fight between the two of us, which she ended by saying "I'm leaving this conversation because it's not healthy for me". I replied, "you sound just like [then bf's name]". I heard from my then bf the next day that she was crying, saying she couldn't breathe, to him, and he told me she sent "all the screenshots about what I said about him". Turns out she sent screenshots about the fight between the two of us, not what I said about my then bf. But, the only part he cared about was when I said at the very end "you sound just like [bf]".

Pro tip, this is how you find what challenges them so you can piss them off with it later. lol

@insoporous9978 I always found that the only way to punish an asshole is to stand there and talk to them like they're your friend. You can watch them sit there and think that you're such a dumbass that you don't even realize they hate your guts.

If you think about a bully coming up and starting a fight with you, anything you do to fight back to defend yourself, will look exactly like what they are doing. Out of context, your behavior might look exactly like theirs. Think about the 'Stand your ground' law. At one snapshot of the encounter, the defender looks like a murderer. But they're innocent. This is how they all work. They shove you, wait for a reaction of defense, then take a snapshot of that moment as if it's the only thing that happened, rather than the truth which is you were defending yourself from them. I've learned to never react if at all possible, because that's what they want more than anything. They bait us.

Ha. I went through this. OMG what I did was hilarious. She was pissed over something. Started blah blahing on me. WITHOUT speaking or making eye contact, I pulled an uno reverse card out of my wallet and slapped it on the table. Never looked at her. The resulting explosion of sound was impressive. Lol. Get rekt, bitch.

Yes, that’s also how they are so good at the smear campaign. Who is more believable? The charming narcissist with a carefully curated presentation or you, the “crazy” target who has been driven off the edge?

@@SilentThundersnowoh my gosh/ sometimes you can’t even get away clean by not reacting… the more they walk all over you if someone noticed, it’s still your fault for being victimized because you never enforced a boundary. It looks like you’re letting go then walk all over you even if all you did was observe their behavior. I guess that’s why the only answer is to get away from them. Even if you kinda can’t without hardship and difficulty.

Spot on

Because we *are* unique. Not to be rude, but generalising a personality disorder is abelist. Each person is different and someone's going to be abusive no matter what disorder they may have.

Perhaps your "best friend" will feed your cats.

​@@spud_thewonderdog01well aren't you a catch! I expect you're just a lovely friend yourself.

And a dudes

Important to everyone. Regardless of sex. But yeah

What boundaries did you have!??

So true

Sorry you feel that way is NOT an apology and dismissive!

yep

At this point all you can do is walk away, then you just admitted it as truth in their mind

Yassss

😔 I can’t understand

they did it to me, at least they tried. several times

He drank a lot because he lived with you.

@@turboqzma-Maybe, maybe not. Either way she’s better off separated. If he drank because of her, she did him a favor by leaving. Either way early recognition of failed relationship is important. If it has failed, dragging on is not helpful.

OMG, same age, 35 yrs. for me, and thank God, Thank God almighty I'm free at last, just don't look back except to remind yourself of who they really are, and I can give you a clue? it's not a Godly person..!!

@@turboqzmain laws attack💀

So YOU decided what he should be doing and started laying out rules. No wonder he got frustrated and angered. I dare say you are a controlling type of person. It’s perfectly fine to communicate concern, but making rules? You can only set them for yourself. Your options don’t include changing someone. You may help, but if the other person doesn’t believe they have a problem, all that’s left to decide is to leave or stay.

At this point I'm mostly fascinated by the way he acts and behaves around different peoples, and I feel mostly sorry for him, because the only people that can tolarate him is the people he pays, the rest he burns away...

I'm living with my parents again and damn I can't wait to leave again. At this point I'm just grey rocking the whole family cuz the dysfunction is too far ingrained in all of them. And it's so hard to get away from them

Same with my mom. I was about that age and had been a parent for a few years and started to see it. Also learning more about how she didn't parent me.... especially as a baby and toddler she let everyone else do the work. She became extremely toxic when I was a parent and lots of lies she told about my dad started to come to light. She caught herself in her own web. I even have one lie on video, and her basically malfunctioning after, scrambling to cover it up.

100% right

one of my favorites is given enough time they appear to look at themselves. Then expel the bravado.

Gas lighting to tell u you don’t remember

"you're so sensitive."

Or they will go after low hanging fruit from the past. I had that happen before. They were going off on me about my flaws and I shut them down and then they mentioned that I used to be a bad cook which had zero relevance to the topic we were discussing.

"“That’s just the way I am.” means person will not change the behavior or simply can not change it (because tried to do it many times without the result). Doesn't matter in what way it was said, you accept it or move on.

For real.

So why don't you accept them the way they are? How is it not narcissistic to not accept them the way they are but stick around and demand they change for YOU but then accuse them of being a narcissist? Pot meat kettle.

And then they make you feel bad because if you love them, then why would you want them to change?

Why would you be with someone you don't accept in the first place? Why try to change them? Seems hypocritical.

You were trying to tell her something but did you even hear when she tried to tell YOU something as well?

I did. Loud and clear. She deserves to be happy...and it's ok if I'm not the guy that can do that.

​@brendarewan7441 nobody is responsible for another person's emotions. Maybe something they've done could make somebody unhappy, but that's easily explained in a healthy way, like "when you use slurs, it makes me uncomfortable".

That's my husband but I have no money and don't know where to go. I'm pregnant and have a toddler.

​@@annaspeaksout2964 it really would be nice if society provided more options for communal childcare and communal healing for adults in circumstances that are constantly affecting their mental health.

Yup, my mother is constantly yelling, screaming, shouting, and abusing me, and my father will sit ther and do nothing. I wil say something to defend myself and he will rage at me, get red in the face, or say "it does no good to fight back, it's only goign to be worse for you, etc, etc." I finally told him once that he should be defending me and that I don't appreciate her attacking me, and that he just sits there and is on her side, and he says "I'm doing this to help you" I look at him and say how the fk is this helping me?

That’s my parents exactly. Most everything is presented as them “just wanting to help” and “being worried about us”. I’ve taken to not sharing any real details of my life, as they barely listen and just waiting to jump on anything they can lecture me on, what the “correct” way of doing or thinking about something is. So I just say very superficial things, everything is wonderful type of conversation, hold on to my grey rock in my pocket and try to keep visits short. It helps a little.

@@annaspeaksout2964 ♥

Oh my gosh man I have the exact same experience. She was rarely overt with it though. Her insults were calm and on the slide. She would go so far as to say to our child, "your daddy is just useless." At any time I would bring that she said such things, she would immediately deny ever doing such a thing

My exes did the same 😡 then told me they wouldn't take my "disrespect" and basically anything less than obedience was disrespect.

Yep, I got that plenty of times! I finally learned to ignore the insults and realize that I control what I react to, so I stopped reacting the ways she wanted. I have also found this ability to help in other areas of life.

Theyre prof3ssional projectors.....and spoilers...and the list goes on. Im happy for you that your eyes are now open. Go give your love to someone who cares about u meow

Take this video with a grain of salt. Many of these phrases allegedly proving you are the narcissist are often used by the victims of narcissism defending themselves. Example: My narc son-in-law tried to accuse me of saying I hated him during a specific event where he wasn’t even present. He completely changed the narrative trying to place the blame on me, and him the victim, but I specifically remember what I did or did not say at that event. And so I have replied, “That’s not how I remember it” and I am not the narc!

that one boiled my blood!

@@joshgorsky5224 that’s a statement they make to justify and control the situation….which is always YOU

A lot of people know about themselves less than their friends know about them. Sometimes like everybody knows that X has Y, exept X himself.

'You're too clever for your own good' is what I got from ex boyfriend.

I had a very close friend for 20 years who said this to me. It floored me. I ended the friendship right away. Not cool!

It's because they have being doing it for years. If they're lips are moving they're lying.

So true. My narc ex-gf's saying was oh he's just a friend. The first time this happened was jan 2023. We lived 1200 miles apart and i gave her the benefit of the doubt the first time in jan, but then because he lived 90 miles to the east of her he would stay at her house on the weekends then go home for work. Then as feb came along i knew what was happening. Then she'd have him back at her place off and on in march and then even in the middle of august. Then i did a 5 week no contact in sept because of her verbal abuse. i found out from her after i broke it in oct. that she had a new "friend". Well i knew what that meant and now he got to spend thanksgiving and this new years with her. One of the last texts she sent me said this "youre an abusive liar. I never abused her or lied to her. Ever. However i guess it was ok for her to do those to me.

My mother-in-law is the opposite. She's ' spotless'. She's like that so no-one can ever say the nasty things about her cleanliness that she regularly says about them. She has a name for everyone yet never gets caught out. Such as "lazy bitch" "filthy bas****" . There's a running joke in our street that the shop never has any bleach or disinfectant left because she buys it all up. Everyone laughs but they'd probably belt her if they knew what she was saying about them.

My mom used to treat me like her personal cleaning staff. Meanwhile she never cleaned much and still rarely does clean. I really don't miss sharing walls with her.

Sounds like Trish Foster of Millcreek, Pa. She’s a filthy animal….

My narc cleaned.

My narc was a clean freak who used it to judge others about their homes.

when I refuse to react they begin to pick to try to get me to give up energy. I stop in my tracks. Deflated I know what this dynamic is. They don't , and don't care. Move on. They'll "fire" themselves.

Was his name Lucifer? 💀what a nut

They need therapy, or maybe just a group activity learning about narcissistic tendencies/behaviour. Why not actually just research all the cluster b types, psychology and human behaviour, balancing oneself. There's a saying once you can see your own toxic traits, you can see them in others straight away. It is so damn true! It's a life saver, even more beneficial than physical help, i.e., karate, boxing, etc, as you see things way clearer before the need for contact. Just a little family learning and growing, you know 😉 maybe start off by telling them, ooh I've been learning this, listen to this...eventually they may see the benefits to knowing before you have to experience it to know it. Also added bonus you actually harness those teachings into yourself and life changes for the better. You can interact with all the crazy people and know what is your duty and what isn't. Allowing you the knowledge and the power to decide what and where to interact for your best interests. Good luck 👍 **when people hear that saying about toxic traits they only think of the negative but everything has a reflection selfishness-people pleaser. Inflated ego-inferiority complex. Player-insecure etc etc your positive toxic traits attract negative toxic traits. Healed, healthy people attract each other. They can also see the unhealed and the wounds they carry. This is why you/me (victim of toxic or dramatic relationships) continue to meet the same type of person. We think we're partnering up from positive connections but alot of us are actually connecting in the shadow self, so the toxic, negative side. Hope this helps, if you managed to survive the length 😂

In my overall experience,you have your power. They want theirs and yours. As soon as we realize who we are dealing with. We win. A game Narcissist's set up.One wins-one loses. Awareness wins. They set themselves up to lose. Then hate you for it!

No, but it should have been! 😂@@Nina-vv3ev

Oh, I survived, Kicked him to the curb 12 years ago. Am happy and healthy. Weird thing is now, I get these random dreams where I'm experiencing his psychologically abusive behavior again or my kids are. And they are all grown up! Then I wake feeling raw and angry. Only happens once in a while but I need to figure out how to resolve those!@@kristyoblen7004

Im sorry for what you went through, I too grew up with 2 narcissistic parents so I can relate. It’s only now that I finally got fed up with it all and looking back, all my friends save for one were narcissistic aholes. Only caring for what you can give them but when it’s your turn to get help they fizzle away faster than you can blink.

Codepency really does a number on you

If you see my comment, my narc ex gf was much the same way. I guess standing up for myself and asking for explanations is attacking to a narcissist lol. She attacked my character plenty though.

Same here. The ex narc was the only one who could shout.

lmao

I did this and it worked within one conversation. 7 years of back and forth toxicity and after one counseling session this technique was shared. I implemented that day and he even helped me move out 😄

I hope this still applies if your being used as a free bed n breakfast 😂

Used grey rock to end a 32yr marriage after a 4hr penis shaming rant.

I am currently working through this. Didn't know it had a name though.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm the dating world you can see allt of fake and openly mean people.... idk why they all seem this way and don't feel guilty for pursuing your desires.... they can and will make you feel bad during times of connection thats how you know who they are... they wouldn't be able to help themselves. Unfortunately there's alot of men walking around as open narcissist and thinking every woman is desperate for attention when we are just human and not doing anytjing wrong. I briefly dated one who was an author and activist. Thry are literally am opp of black society like basic hoodlum turned convict turned over a new fake leaf since natc life keeps putting em in a hole. Thy kept boasting about what they were doing and I realized everything they were bragging about hey were spying on me and then acting like they Been did what I was planning. They like to take but act like they not taking. They like to steal and act like they came up with things on their own but they steal from the kind person giving them attention. I understand this lifeis not easy... people go through things but I listen all the time. People think I don't pay attention or that what thy will do will work because I am always to myself. But I let them get real proud and brave disrespecting me. I never turned they other cheek to bullies. Three of them are monitoring my phone and Stalking my life but recently it has subsided. They try very hard to ruin my happiness and it's a constant thing... But having faith is what worked in putting these people in they sick and broken place.

Yes!!!!

Yeah lmao

Oh wow

Damn

Same here! Stay strong and go your way with no exhausting freaking kindergarden psycho storys. I try the same, you are not alone!

The "freinds" that excepted the lies are too ignorant to bother keeping.

Right you are ❤

I totally agree 👍

Actually yes. A trust Narcissist will try to wear you down. There is no solution but to limit access. But, you'll be known for being cold, etc. The real whiners of the group.

Wow. She hit you hard after she got exposed. How are you holding up?

Life is different now. Much less stress and much more personal growth. Much less interaction with my kids, although they are emotionally close to me. The abusive games continue post-divorce. The need to control is relentless.

Focus on yourself and what's good for you in the long term. Boundaries and goals friend, boring in the moment but in life it slowly materialises. Don't let anyone parents included ever define you or who you want to be.

Thats when you say.."ECHO..Echo...echo..echo.." 😂

Stonewalling

Then you don't owe him any explanations when he tries to put you on the defensive.

​@penijoni1316 same here except my mom is turning 87 and still causing trouble, along w my youngest brother who is also a narc. Brutal ppl. Take care of yourself ❤

"You don't need to get distracted, he was my work boss. It's got nothing to do with anybody" Erm, *what's* got nothing to do with anybody?! The intentional ambiguity in speech is calculated.

And very crazy making!! Because it makes so little sense you think they can't be this oblivious..

Sounds like my ex to a T oh my god. Still learning to this day i did literally nothing wrong.

Gross

@@joanmiller76 Can you elaborate, please?

Luckily, most aren't that bright, or like making effort.

It was not easy but worth it. Peace of mind ❤

Good for you!

Wow...gross... Don't ever let people treat you like that

I would suggest figuring out why you accept that behavior.

@@user-ln9dh2bq8j Well, I don't anymore lol, she and I are officially no longer friends. This was the first time this came up, so I was playing catch up for most of it

Yes, it’s a form of brain washing!! And then they sense when you have had enough and they dig in deep, try everything to get you to stay. He was so thoughtful, kind, respectful, funny, wanted to spend time with me, he adored me, and wanted to spend time with me, and I was so happy. I was not a priority in my previous and only relationship. He took me for granted, would rather hang out with his friends and party than spend time with me, would be several hours late for our dates often. So when a man started treating me so well, I felt right into his love bomb head first. :( It was a long distance relationship. Though we video chatted for hours, a few times a week, and constantly emailed back and forth, I thought I knew him so well, but he was able to hide his true self from me. He had become the man he knew I was looking for, who I had waited nearly 6 years for - someone with virtue who valued God, and would love me as I deserved to be loved. (I had been single for years, not willing to settle.) I felt something was a bit off the first time we spent 4 days together in person, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It felt so nice to belong to someone, in a relationship sense, to have someone looking out for me, to hold hands, and feel safe. But the next time we spent time together, things were great, but then I started seeing a whole other side. He would get explosively angry, scary angry. He didn’t hurt me, but he would slam things, nearly broke the window of my passenger side door after slamming it shut so hard - because I wanted him to sleep at my brother’s house and not mine - we were engaged and not married. I didn’t want to have sex outside of wedlock, wanted to save it for a beautiful gift in marriage, and when I met him he was 100% on board with this… at least that is what he told me. He started becoming sexually abusive, I didn’t realize this at the time, because my head was all messed up. I gave in and would cry afterwards, and he would yell at me. He later admitted that he did everything he could to make sure I gave in because he thought it was time for us to engage in all that. :( I knew he didn’t love me. I was afraid to break up with him though, afraid of what he may do. I was so ashamed and was afraid to reach out and tell people what was happening. I was afraid to be alone with him. When he went back home, I was relieved. He had told me two things that had me all upset - 1) If I ever upset him, he wouldn’t be able to sleep and wouldn’t be rested, and would be all upset at work, and could fall from the power line he was working on as it’s a very dangerous job. (I already knew he was emotionally unstable by this point, and couldn’t control his anger at times) The second thing - he once told me out of the blue “Once we are married, if you ever cheat on me, and we have children, I will make sure you never see them again!” And it was out of the blue… I was angry, as I felt it was an attack on my character, I had given him no reason to think I was unfaithful, and told him that if he thought I was a cheater, and doesn’t know me by now, we probably shouldn’t be getting married. And went on to tell him, don’t you think doing something like that would greatly hurt the children to rip them away from the other parent, even if that parent was making a bad choice?! This did not set well with me at all that he would make such a threat… but I didn’t entertain it because I knew I wasn’t a cheater. He went back home, and I was trying to figure out how I would breaking things off safely. I was afraid of hurting him, and him reacting badly and getting hurt himself or a part of me worried if he would become enraged with me. In the mean time, I found out I was pregnant and was all out of sorts with it. I was trying to figure out how to tell him, I also hadn’t seen the bigger picture about how abusive this man really was… he still was emotionally manipulating me. We were on a video chat and he started, out of the blue, he asked me why I was acting different and then started accusing me of cheating on him!!! (Looking back, he was likely cheating on me and accusing me!) This absolutely freaked me out because I already knew what he threatened to do if I ever cheated on him, and even thought I wasn’t, in his mind I was! I stopped talking to him cold turkey. I knew if I did anything else, he would emotionally manipulate me or he would hurt himself, or possibly come after me, not in a good way. I went through pregnancy and labor and delivery alone. I knew that my child was innocent of all this and she had value, I couldn’t hurt her (abortion), she was still precious and deserved her best chance - regardless of what other may think of me or say of me being a single mother raise her on my own. (And there were some dandy rumors spread, during my pregnancy, lol… but she is more than worth it!) I did start to question my fears, as time went on, and downplayed the whole situation… went against my heart and soul/better judgement, and the advice of my priest…, had a lot of pressure from people to tell him, saying he had a right to know… and I knew he did, but I was afraid. I told him and he was wonderful at first, invited us to visit so his family could meet her, and once we were on his turf, it quickly became a very dangerous situation. He started acting so unstable, at one point he tried to kidnap the baby and I stood strong to protect her, he threatened to hurt me - wasn’t in his right mind, I seriously thought he was going to hurt me bad but I had to protect her… I didn’t care what he did to me… people came out of a business and I started screaming for help and he ran, before that he threatened to hurt me very badly and I seriously think he was going to kill me - tried to stay as calm as I could, he was crying and sobbing one moment acussing me of cheating on him, the next he was punching the steering wheel and scream how angry he was with me and I prayed for my guardian Angel to come to my assistance, and other cars appeared at the end of the dark desolate road, so we weren’t alone with no witnesses... I wrote an emergency email to a close friend and told her he was acting very irrational, if we didn’t make it back home, this is why… I didn’t know if we would make it out safely. There is more that happened. His family was wonderful, they didn’t like his behavior and were scared of how he was acting, and but they allowed it… they walked on egg shells around him, but helped us get back ok. (Turns out he was using drugs the whole time, and he had always talked a big talk about being anti-drugs) The baby was never the same though, after our visit. She had been emotionally traumatized - which I didn’t know babies could be because they are just learning about their surroundings. She had been very happy and calm, slept through the night, self soothed by sucking her thumb, but after visiting, her entire demeanor changed and she started have night terrors, slept only 15-30mins at a time, was constantly waking crying… the only thing that would sooth her to sleep was me nursing her, and she had to have a clump of my hair clenched in her hand… it’s as if she knew he tried to take her from me, and she didn’t want to let me go. This went on for a year. I did not have a single night’s rest, was chronically sleep deprived. But we survived. He was blowing up my phone, email, accusing me of all sorts of stuff, cheating kidnapping. Called the police and sent them to my house multiple time, saying I kidnapped his baby. I cried every night, I was afraid to sleep too, afraid he would come for us in the middle of the night and hurt us. It was horrible - the most difficult time of my life. He eventually left us alone. I lived in fear for a good 5 years though. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 10yrs now, but I still get scared some times. I could never date because I didn’t want to put someone else in danger incase he came after me, and then I started getting scared of men being honest with me… what if they turned out to be liars and mislead me… if they lived in the same city or near by, what if I couldn’t get away again. I know it’s not fair to judge others based on how someone else as treated you, but I was afraid I would be mislead again. I had to protect my children. It’s been lonely, but I’ve been busy caring for my mom (who had a stroke a few month after we returned and the baby was experiencing her sleep disorder) and working, and now helping at my daughter’s school. I would like to be married, I had always wanted a big family…. It will just take the right man who can make me feel safe again and I know would not want to hurt me or any of our children.

And I mourn the person I truly thought he was… if only he was who he led me to believe, we would have had a beautiful marriage and family - possibly 5 children by now! :( Life would have been good. Instead, it was all a lie. I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me… I never would have treated someone so badly! Nor mislead anyone…

They truly try to drive you crazy with gaslighting and projection. Writing everything down as it happens if possible or at least as soon as you can helps.

My brother committed suicide and my youngest sister received everything my parents had.

I married a narcissist.

all of you need to GET AWAY from all your narcissists and forge lives without them.

​@@lucyt-c8092easier said than done. My ex and my family managed to cripple me financially so trying my hardest to rebuild while dealing with chronic physical health issues and the mental health issues. It's taking a while. I'm fighting really hard rn to get some footing.

The key is loving YOURSELF enough to not tolerate mistreatment from anyone by setting and enforcing strong boundaries.

This will not get better. This damages children. Please get away from him and go live a happy life with someone who treats you well.

I got the evil attacks when I married Melford Edgar Morris, for 10 years, I was a destroyed shell......get out now, it only gets worse, narcissists are selfish, evil, control fake futures..... Pray Psalm 5; 23; 64; 144

Run as fast as you can

If your boyfriend is a narc you need to get away and stay away take it from someone who's been there!!

That’s the hardest part of all this

No, you’re probably just a codependent person with low self esteem. Super empath would imply that you have an infinite supply of empathy to give but if you don’t even have enough for yourself to set your own boundaries then your empathy is kind of weak, and pointless

Why?

No it’s not… you haven’t mastered it yet… trust yourself more & not THEM

Use pen and paper?

A guy I dated for 2 months said this to me. I ended it immediately. Red flag, bye-bye!

My ex said that to me all the time …it used to annoy me so much. He would never take accountability for anything.