*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
no, the best revenge isn't to be happy or dump them. If you are going to be incorporating "revenge" into your pattern of thinking, that means you've been around/with that person for too long. The best revenge is to not trying getting your revenge, but to walk away, suffer your losses, heal and to not make similar mistakes again.
1. Lack of empathy > No heart connection possible 2. Extreme delicate ego > Overcompensating because of unprocessed shame 3. Need for external validation > To prop up their false self 4. Rigid standards > Nobody will fulfill 5. Fear of rejection & abandonment > Avoidance of intimacy Thanks, Christina 🙏💛🙏 I would add projection as a major weakness. The sociopath I was dealing with always told me that I had no empathy, which is a big lie but I began doubting myself more and more. And I searched for the meaning of empathy, which includes in its best 3 components: Emotional/affective - feeling the emotions Cognitive - understanding the emotions Supportive - being able to help Narcs only have cognitive empathy by using their mind. They sometimes have a masterly cognitive empathy but they never have emotional empathy for they are not able to feel others emotions because they themselves have abondent this part of themselves long time ago. Yes, they can fake emotional empathy but this is what you feel as something off. I was so puzzled all the time. It really shows up that this is fakery by the fact that they are unable to comfort you.
Man its kind of crazy how everything is on point about one being a narcassist. but after being in a toxic relationship #5 just hits me and i've become more weary to trust any one and i've gotten alot more hot tempered when I feel like I'm getting attacked or if that person is showing narcassitic tendencies. My Last relationship made me cut off my childhood friends as they were some narcassists and they also believed my ex rather than myself. (Not all, but there were friends that did not want my relationship to succeed, or wanted to have sex with her)
@@lLooN3y It is quite normal after being in a toxic relationship to feel the way you feel. It's hard to trust people, overreacting (being triggered easily for feeling attacked which increases your defensiveness). And #5 (fear of rejection and abandonment) is often the same core wound you have in common with the abuser, which needs to be healed. It takes time to heal and rebuild yourself from the inside out. I hope you have at least someone to support you in this process. Wishing you all the best for your healing journey, Mamba.
Describes my mother to a tee. This sort of sympathy kind of drivel stuff but you’re never comforted (and nothing ever changes). I would call some of what I noticed as a feeling like their soda doesn’t fizz. Looks and tastes like soda but it falls flat every time. (Plus it’s not a cola imo if it don’t fizz. 😅😅 It’s very unsatisfying). Seems to me just like with all other things with them. It’s just an acting gig.
I experienced this from a girl I dated recently. Everything was great for 3 months up until our very last date where she spent the entirety of it blaming, accusing, projecting and ultimately discarding me. It was like I was with a completely different person as though everything I saw from her previously was all fake. I’m now spending this Christmas all alone thanks to her. I really hope I can meet someone who is actually normal and wants a compassionate and romantic relationship.
Yoo bro you dodged a bullet these narcissists are really crazy. My mother had me locked in a psyche ward and wrongfully medicated for schizophrenia. She gave me ptsd and anxiety from the abuse. She ganged up with the other narcissits in my family and lied to the system that im schizo. I had nothing to do but plead with them but the family was so good at lying they were always steps ahead of me. Funnily the time i spent with 15 psychopaths was much better than being with her. Much better lol but still i got out and she kept going "poor thing lost his mind, did you take your meds, your crazy pills" fuck off you dwarp im 25. You dodged a bullet
@@GrimR3ef3rIt was my fault for ignoring the signs and let it go on. Lust took over sadly. She said some very telling things like how she ended all of her relationships which were mainly short-term with the longest lasting 2 years which was on/off. Lesson learned.
Be happy. Thats the best christmas gift you could have gotten. Be very happy you dont have that shit to deal with and youve found this channel to steer you away from people like that.
I had to move back to the town where the ex that destroyed my life lives and I’ve been angry 24/7 since I got here because it feels like he’s perfectly fine & I’m not.
As long as you are angry 24/7 you yourself MAKE the narc the winner, him, that sorry illusionist that he is.😉 But as soon as you manage to proudly parade under his nose (while upholding no-contact!!!) as the un-needy, independant, self-reliant, valuable, devine, worthy, happy person you are (once you fully understand that your true self is nothing BUT that!), your narc ex is the ultimate looser. Immediately. And he will know and feel it too. So, every day wake up and decide with a look in the mirror: "I am no victim. I'm a warrior. I've got scars to prove it. And I won't ever allow my past to decide my present or future again. I'll walk tall and cultivate my happiness all the way." I believe in you. You are worth every bit of your own respect and love. Once you fully understand that, the rest gets easier. A lot.
I do not think that I have to be grateful, so much heart break, I already I had five narcissistIc relationships, learning I do not see so.much knowledge in these relationships...
Ugh!! So true. The ex knew my friend passed away and all she did, as i was grieving/ crying, was pat me on the back and walk away. That ish hurt more than the death.
When my Dad passed away 2 years ago, my narcissistic ex did not go to the funeral with me (I did not ask and she did not express any desire to go), but she sent the largest flower arrangement to his service. She also sent 2 other large flower arrangements, in the name of her daughters (22yr old, 28 yr old). This gesture was so over the top. She never told me she was sorry about my dad or offerred any sympathy.
I really need to stop watching videos on narcissism but if I had one video that I would watch for the next few weeks to get over the breakup, it would be this one😅. Pretty much compact, everything into 15 minutes and is powerful enough to start chipping away at the trauma bond 💔 I broke up with her, forgave her and she literally came back for two days so she could break up with me. 😂. I was just hoping she wasn’t a full-blown narcissist, but it looks like she’s pretty much a classic. Kind of bummed but kinda glad. I have been working with soul retrieval practices by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche and let me tell you they are the best way to regulate after a break up or some other traumatic experience. Highly recommended.
I got into mindfulness to overcome some of the hurt from the last narcissist in my life. It works, for me at least. The book 30 Days to Stop Giving a Sh*t by Harper Daniels was cute and something I still use for mindfulness meditation. It's so important to not attach to blame, hurt, pain, or expectations.
This so much explains my daughter-in-law. When I finally stood up to her, she cut me off and has not allowed me to see my granddaughter for three years. At my grandson‘s wedding, I begged her to talk with me, and she said “no”. I replied, I guess I just need to give up, and her reply was “good”.
At 8:40 so true, my narc mom would constantly brag about how she didn’t need one particular kid (whoever she was mad at) because she had 5 kids to chose from 🤦🏻♀️🙄 I’ve removed myself from her pathetic life so now she has 4 kids to choose from 🤷🏻♀️.
A covert narcissist know in a volunteer group who for a decade has been acting like a noble, charitable victim being taken advantage of by this and that person. One day I replied to her that its been many years, she's still saying the same things; that maybe she needs to find a new perspective to see where the problem really lies so it can be fixed for good. After that she abruptly resigned from our volunteer group, started slandering our friends among each other, tried triangulating her favorite people from our common friends and began avoiding me. In think what I said somehow shamed her, revealed she's just a whiny self-centered person the whole time and she had a narcissistic injury from it.
Spot on! Never give say second chance to see your worth or third for that matter, because if they haven’t seen it at the beginning, they won’t see it later either but that is okay because other people will! Thank you 🙏 Christina. God bless you❤
My quality manager only made the mistake once when he told me that he didn't need me and I was replaceable and not needed. I was closing medical staff at a plasma center and protocol required a medical personal onsite during business hours. I told him that if I was clocking out and going home. He apologized VERY quickly. XD
Having been an addict myself your video now made it more clear why her constant craving for attention and validation ad narc supply plays out like she is addicted - never getting enough or satisfied. Even after reminding her constantly that I am an imperfect human, implicitly she always want me to keep a rigid calling schedule. 4 - 5 hrs without a call from me she is already freaking out, feeling moody, and complaining like an addict who hasn't had it for days. Such a childish behavioral pattern.
Mine was actually VERY open about needing external validation, but went about it in an extremely manipulative way. He’d always complain about how cruel his ex was and how she NEVER complimented or praised him. It allowed him to demand praise on the spot while still looking like a victim. Meanwhile, as I was heaping compliments on him, he constantly criticized me and only gave me backhanded compliments if any. When I tried to talk to him about how I needed some validation too, he just went into full wounded puppy mode about how life was so unfair to him and not to me and so he needs more validation and I should just KNOW I’m a good person without him having to say it out loud blah blah blah
Almost three months out from the eleventh and final discard by my exGF and my friends and family have wondered where my anger is. You’ve managed to explain why I can’t be angry with her. She’s so scared, and so wounded by her own pain and shame that I really pity her. I know that she’s condemned herself to a living Hell and it truly breaks my heart. I changed my whole life over, including moving over 400 miles away from my family and going to school to start a whole new career to support the dream that I believed we shared, and she discarded me right before her deployment because she just didn’t need me anymore. I would have given her the world, but all she wanted was to survive and I’ve accepted that there is nothing I can do help her. I’m left feeling so bad FOR her than I cannot possibly be angry WITH her.
Very similar to me. She got with another guy and on drugs the day after leaving me but she lost us our racehorse her career our entire future in one week. I deserve my dream even if I don’t feel that I do right now but yes it broke my heart to see her do this to herself, but still my fault of course.
@@darrenfoster5341 It's interesting you responded to my comment today of all days because in the time since I've come to accept that what I'm struggling with most is codependency and I'm trying to figure out if it's due to her programming me that way, or because it's something she saw in me that she could exploit, or a combination of the two. But yeah, now instead of sarcastically saying "it's all my fault" I'm left feeling like I somehow failed to be the man she needed to help her out of the Hell she chose for herself. Obviously I'm not not to blame. I KNOW that in my head but the rest of me can't get with the program.
@@herosbreath6715 it helps remembering who you were before you met them, what was your normal responses to the world then, remember the good memories from before them do the things you loved found before, highlight all their shit all the photo album files in your mind and hit delete. Then go be happy again
This got me to look at and think of narcissism way deeper than I ever have. I always felt I was a narcissist, but this morning I realized I’m a covert narcissist. I am now currently relinquishing all control over my social media to avoid the praise and ignoring and gossip, remove myself from things as much as possible. I will attempt to do as much work on myself as I can and will see how to make things work for myself, and with help. I lost. But I want to tell you thank you lady, you helped me arrive to this beautiful answer. And now I rest.
Good for you!! Get into therapy. It has helped me, the daughter of a covert narcissist with deep healing. As a psychologist, I suggest you look for a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems. They don’t have the bias that personality disorders don’t heal, which you will see with many therapists. Good luck! You can do it. The Mental Healness RU-vid channel is good too.
Took me almost 18yrs of marriage (would have been 18 next month 🙄) to see who he is, it's sobering to look back and see the line of red flags that you couldn't see...
when I was going through real life issues, my ex narc friend of 16 years chose that time to quickly look for other supply and was treating me like crap. It was bizarre seeing her transform into this manipulative lying demon that was devaluing me to make herself feel better.
In the beggining for a while she seamed very empethetic towards me, she even told me she is, and ive seen her break down and cry over anything and everything at random times but yet she got so triggered into defense blame and ignoring with belittling so fast even though she showed all kinds of compassion for strangers and myself at times. Idk what i went through but i never knew if going downhill would turn into uphill or if we were having a good time if it would fall downhill withing minutes or hrs
@deezgex That was my ex gf as well! She only broke down a few times, but It felt off. She always mentioned how empathic she was, but her emotions would become extremely defensive and fly into a rage in a split second no matter what emotion she was displaying the moment before becoming enraged. At first, before I got to really know her, the empathy she displayed was convincing, but after spending enough time with her, and observing her, I could tell her empathy towards strangers was just an act. I couldn't help but to ask myself: 'if she were alone with this stranger, and no one else was watching, would she still act as kindly towards them?’ Everytime I interacted with her I never knew who I was going to be dealing with. On countless occasions, we would be engaged in a warm meaningful conversation, she would have to end the call for 10-15mins. and when she called me back, she was cold, harsh & business-like. It was insane the amount of emotional game playing & projection she pulled. After 4mos, I had enough and ghosted her. She tried to hoover, I responded by changing my number😆😆😆 I'm glad she showed her red flags early so I didn't end up wasting any more of my time on her. I hope You heal completely from Your narc
Something really great and terrible I’ve learned watching these videos is that I’m a potential narcissist. One thing I personally struggle with is knowing when to care for others, even at your own expense. It is hard when you’ve been manipulated before in the past, so it makes you less trusting and willing to be vulnerable to face trauma, but sometimes the best thing you can do is be vulnerable and honest in order to grow and become your true self. Letting go of one’s ego can be scary, but if it means positive growth for yourself and your relationship then it is worth it.
My ex made a big deal about being an empath while contrasting me as the narcissist. These "discussions" felt more like attacks. In fact it was during these events that she would start raging becoming verbally and physically abusive. When a person like this makes everything so damn hard pieces of you peel off and die. Protect your Peace 🕊️.
My husband discarded me, said I just want to be happy. I said don't we all want to be happy. He didn't know that to say to that, so you think now that he's discarded his wife that he is happy? Is he truly happy now?
Lady you are incredible. I must give massive props where it's due. I've been pretty intense with my reactions before so I'm not innocent and i wouldn't call myself the victim. But i've seen this firsthand. Blew my mind, very hard to believe and difficult to move and process the same especially when helping take care of a baby in the process. I survived though of course, things just got better. And the experience has helped me, more than I think people realize. Big thanks to you for that, you cleared the fog. You have a great way of explaining your content, nice voice as well I could watch you talk about a lot of things .
So wild my narc said I never cry at funerals cause I’m trying to be strong for everyone but I really want to cry and I never thought twice about it like duh hello that’s weird why would someone even say that it was to get ahead of when I notice she never cried when her grand parents passed or even her uncle 😢
I went and got a apartment. It was $1600 a month and she said she would give me half on the rent that was a lie and now I'm stuck for the whole lease on my own
My narc said something like that to me we were having a decent convo about the first time we met and I said so why me and she said if it wasn't you it'd be somone else I was like holy shit .. lol ok just anything not to validate you or make ypu feel good about yourself crazy I'm almost a year of no contact and proud of it
Ok this is a small example but one of my Christmas decorations on the lawn fell over just now in a snow storm we’re having in Michigan it is possibly broken. It’s one of my reindeer Christmas reindeer on the front lawn and the male is laying over on his side and my Narcissistic husband instead of saying Oh no, the male reindeer is laying on the ground out there it snow starting its cover him I hope he’s not broken because the wind knocked him over. I’ve had this happened before and the wind can actually snap, their limbs cause you have steak to the ground. All he can say is they need to be staked down better or I somehow didn’t secure him good enough to the ground I tell my daughter and she’s like oh no that sucks. She’s not trying to blame me she’s not trying to find somebody to pin it on. She’s not oh you didn’t take them down good enough that’s a narcissist for you. Something happens instead of giving you sympathy or saying oh no that’s terrible. They’re trying to blame you for it.
My narcissistic ex was trying to gaslight me by saying that she’s done a lot wrong in our relationship, trying to be fair with me; I asked her what she did wrong, she got mad and walked away😂
I was almost zeroed out financialy, yet I took lawful action, & succeeded. Later on, I found out, that she I S indeed a kind person, yet I don't know, what to believe or what should I do? After all the various different pains?should I patch up things etc. or should I drop this person? I', actualy being torne appart, emotionally. I need desperate help / answer? + Thank you.
There’s a conversation in Wheel of Time season 2 episode 5 between two characters where one reminds the other of advice she gave her many years before: “if something is upsetting you or making you afraid, ask yourself one simple question: Is it true? Can you know beyond any doubt that it’s true?” Is what your partner presents themselves to be or how they characterize you or the future faking or love bombing-is any of it _true_ ? If not true beyond a shadow of a doubt, then we have our answer. And I keep thinking about this!!
My mother is a narcissist. She usually acts like she is the strong woman because she's never going to change for anyone. But then the next thing out of her mouth is that I need to fix everything that ever happens wrong so that she doesn't have to change. My mother turned my wife into the golden child because my wife is a covert narcissist and they like to team up. It's a pain in the butt because I'm trying to get a divorce and my mother is always yelling at me about how I screw everything up and im the one being abusive. She can't talk to me more than 5 minutes without trying to convince me. I don't expect her to be supportive. I gave up on her a long time ago. Both her and my wife's thing is tag teaming to not communicate. They are just so happy to have found another person to rage with.
She told me during attacking me and belittling me after ignoring me for days that she is extremely fragile and i need to man up. Followed by saying her ex husband took better care of her. I didnt attack back but expressed that sounded awful and was way out of line. Followed was her ignoring me again for days till i went to her place and she emotionlessly broke up with me after 4 years together and we were engaged
@slicker1070 yea but she tried say I was on top of all the stuff she said even though i pointed out her own words and she would pick certain parts i said to attack me. It was like being with multiple people in one person sonetimes and she spoken to me that she tried to wake me. She is ancient and god called her back so she had to wash her hands walk in the truth and is back and fourth in heaven daily and wanted me to see but i wouldn't joing the rest. Idk. Some real weird deflecting and projecting along with other things
@slicker1070 yea im hurting pretty bad though her being the one i let myself fully open to even after ive been hurt real good before and she pushed for me to let down walls that I did but then reversed it on me kinda the opposite of everything she pushed for with me. Im hanging in there though atm
After having my first child via C-section…5 days later he gets upset because I asked him to come down stairs and change our son pamper because I just changed it and I was in pain.. He said I act like I’m handi cap and that I didn’t do anything around the house all day! Disregarding I was up all night with our son feeding him every two hours..he called me a Bitch that night
That's awful,I'm sorry you had to go through that. It resonates with me a lot because my husband has acted the same way every time I've been unwell. Accusing me and saying there's nothing wrong with you. They are just nasty people and don't deserve us.
Can we be taught to become narcissists? Bc I have a lot of these traits but I still feel empathy with others and have no problem with peoples criticism of me. Maybe jaded people can resemble narcissists? I have no real friends though so I relate with narcs every time I watch a video on them.
If I am a narcessit. How can I give up on this personality ? I once loved a narcessitic girl and she hurt me a lot that made me angry for 24 hours for 10 months . She hurt me a lot and I want to revenge and I am full of anger but I an tired and don't want to do that anymore but I can't stop being angry . What's the solurtion?
What if you expect accountability and don’t care about what it’s done you just care about how they respond to what they’ve done and they take it as you want them to be perfect. When you keep telling them everybody makes mistakes you don’t care what they do its respond to what they do.
One is working on me now. So far they got my facebook perm disabled and my WhatsApp perm disabled, nuked. 20 years of fb data gone. These people are horrible.
Mine came over some weeks after our neighbor and close friend died and said «its sad that I never got the chance to buy that house of his, my son would have needed it!» I chose to shut up, but my hubby got mad and said «yeah, drag isnt it… you little asshole!»
My questions for relationship coach or dating coach on affairs please can you answer them m 1 Questions about affairs. 1 Is it turth that Not every affair involves sex. ARE still affair or do people need sex for affair or cheating to happen ur not 2 can people have affair or Cheat on someone without having no sex 3 .If i was dating Morgan i starting seeing my ex boyfriend Stephen start to make emotional attachment to Stephen i when i know him from school to college by texting him and meeting up and talking to Stephen on phone and thinking about him and watching films with him without never never having no sex ? Is it emotional cheating 4 can i have affair without never never having no sex just emotional and physical affair without having no sex.
Sometimes comments get held up for review (usually because of flagged words) but I don’t see another comment from you anywhere. Maybe it just didn’t post 🤷♀️
