7 Stages Of Trauma Bonding

Подписаться 284 тыс.

Просмотров 83 тыс.

50% 1

🔥 Join the Breakthrough Intensive to BREAK THE TRAUMA BOND and get your life back! www.commonego.com/breakthroug... 🔥
Unveil the deep-rooted complexities of trauma bonding with this life-changing video, '7 Stages of Trauma Bonding.' Learn about the intricacies of trauma bonding, as we illuminate the stages of this challenging process. Whether you've experienced trauma bonding in relationships with a narcissist or are seeking healing from narcissistic abuse, this video offers valuable insights. Learn how to recognize, understand, and ultimately break free from the grip of trauma bonds, gaining the tools you need for a healthier future.
🔥 One-on-One Coaching With Christina🔥
---------------------------------------------------------
Tired of the toxic grip a narcissist has on your life? My exclusive 1-on-1 coaching is tailor-made to liberate you from the trauma bond and help you get back to yourself again. Discover the benefits of personalized strategies to heal emotional wounds, conquer obsessive thoughts, and rebuild your self-esteem.
🚀 Here's what you'll gain:
✨ Expert guidance to cut toxic bonds
✨ Customized strategies for emotional recovery
✨ Freedom from obsessive thinking/rumination
✨ Rediscover of your self-worth
Book TODAY ➡️ www.commonego.com/coaching
🔍 Suspecting someone you know might be a narcissist?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Uncover the truth with this FREE checklist! It breaks down the phases of abuse, allowing you to assess your experiences. Download your checklist now: www.commonego.com/checklist
Explore Courses:
---------------------------
👉 START HERE: Struggling to shift your focus away from the narcissist? The 7 Day VIBE SHIFT CHALLENGE was made for you. It includes daily motivational videos, affirmations, and gratitude prompts to help you rediscover your self-worth. Start your journey: commonego.com/love
---
🏖️ STOP RUMINATING: Feeling trapped in an endless loop of obsessive overthinking? Break the cycle for good with our 4-Week Rumination Revolution program and finally stop ruminating over the past. www.commonego.com/rumination
---
💥 SUPPORT FOR GRAY ROCK/LOW CONTACT: Join the Narcissist IMMUNITY Bootcamp and fortify your emotional strength against narcissistic influences in your life. Get started now: www.commonego.com/narcissist-...
💻 Need a licensed therapist? 💻
----------------------------------------------------
I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. Get a 10% discount on your first month when you signup with this link: betterhelp.com/commonego
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp, but please know that I only recommend services I know and trust.**
*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist

Опубликовано:

28 авг 2023

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 368

@CommonEgo 10 месяцев назад

➡️ DOWNLOAD THE FREE CHECKLIST HERE: www.commonego.com/checklist

@scootzinc 6 месяцев назад

So… do female narcissists “baby trap” men?

@babooXX 6 месяцев назад

The checklist isn't free, you pay with your data, and you can't download it, you'll only receive it by mail.

@griff791 7 месяцев назад

It gets to the point where it is not about saving the relationship any more….it is about saving yourself.

@tamaspej1378 7 месяцев назад

yep. Anxiety, stomach ache, lack of sleep etc. its quite a ride and i can not see the end of it.

@jeannieotb8491 6 месяцев назад

🎉so true ! xx

@murfkuhls3494 6 месяцев назад

That comment is SO true!!

@ericmartin7013 Месяц назад

Amen to that!

@c.a.henderson7957 17 дней назад

Agreed.

@ShadowKing1993 10 месяцев назад

It was never a bond. It was an illusion. Thankfully I’ve woken up and seen it for what it was. Nothing but abuse.

@arielle5702 10 месяцев назад

Never a bond, but an illusion. I love this. Congrats on waking up and staying strong!! 🎉

@eyekantbeme 9 месяцев назад

How could I be limerent with regards to that abusive lady? 😏

@Kyubi_Nine_Tales 7 месяцев назад

@@arielle5702how can you tell the difference between judgment vs concern? Not all negative thoughts are judgment.

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

The person you loved never existed. Mourne the loss of what you thought you had but don't Mourne the person who never was

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

@@Kyubi_Nine_Talesconcern is legitimate concerns about you Judgment is negative and punishment

@NewMe-iq5os 9 месяцев назад

They want 100% loyalty but then you realize they were lying about you behind your back and triangulating you all along so no one is on your side when you break up. Awful people.

@ebayordie4633 Месяц назад

Dude… exactly… she wanted 100 percent of my attention and loyalty.. but there was zero loyalty on her part…..

@kylelofthouse8776 22 дня назад

I remember the first time hearing her talk about me to her mom when she thought I was around or listening, that’s when I realized the amount of respect she has for me.

@roxymovie3938 10 месяцев назад

1. Lovebombing - intense connection - made by design 2. Trust and dependency - isolating 3. Devaluation 4. Manipulating & Gaslighting 5. Resignation 6. Loss of self 7. Addiction Thanks, Christina 🙏💛🙏

@GracedToWin 10 месяцев назад

Looking back, these definitely were the stages and it happened in a few months. I can’t imagine what people have to endure for years. I just thank God he allowed me to stumble across posts, videos and a community of people and licensed therapists that brought awareness to this disorder, I almost lost myself. I am still in shock though.

@narong1204 10 месяцев назад

Thats what I’m going through now with my wife, and I don’t know how to get out because we have kids. She is putting my kids through the same thing.

@DontPretendtoCare 9 месяцев назад

You are definitely alone. We all are. 🖕

@AlmightyIn5ane 6 месяцев назад

I served 9 years with covert narcissist and have 4 year old son with, if you got out without children consider yourself lucky , they will be used as a tool to hurt you , my mind is a dark place

@teodorepandoplh4841 6 месяцев назад

@@AlmightyIn5anego to dominica republic get a divorce with out her concern,and gather evidence she is abusing the children,that will do the trick

@teodorepandoplh4841 6 месяцев назад

So I was with a narcissist woman for 12 years 😢..i remember the day I left the relationship...i got myself into a small apartment near the beach,no electricity,no water no food and the silence...ohhh,the next was was the brightest in years!!it took me a year to recover or so.. trust me to all will get better ❤

@user-kf1gd4tv4l 7 месяцев назад

I had the presence of mind to keep a daily journal and this saved me! So, when she gaslighted me, all I had to do was referred to the journal. This was my saving grace. I knew something was wrong. The minute I met her, but the love bombing was so intense that I overlook many things. When we moved in together, the gaslighting began. Again, all I can say is the journal save my life. It was just a few paragraphs every day and what was written in. It was exactly what happened. She found it one day and literally did not know how to act. Of course she tried to tell me I was crazy, she tried to tell me that that was my take on the conversation. But it wasn’t it was factual and she had no defense and you’re correct she did not care about my welfare. All she cared about was what she could extract from me, and that was listed as well. Needless to say when the lease came up for renewal, I said I couldn’t do it and that’s when she went into narcissistic rage. So I had to live with her for two months, and I always got the silent treatment and the passive aggressive behavior, but it was turned up to the highest degree. I recommend anybody who is in a relationship like this, or even suspect it, keep a journal, and you cannot be gaslit.

@smithcharles7637 3 месяца назад

I have been going through the same things for 14 years and the last 4 years has been hell she has lied and got me arrested cheated when I was in Jail and accused me of sleeping with her sister she swore she was sorry and would never do that to me again but one day she started an argument because she didn't want to hear how I felt about how she treats me so I grab my things and started leaving because she didn't want me to leave she called the police. Then she said I pushed while walking away with my clothes. I begged her not to lie on me and told her she promised she did it anyway. I posted bail she begged to get me back. She has treated me like trash ever since....😢😢😢 Some people are soulless...

@hospice8896 3 месяца назад

This is toooo real. Mine took 6 yrs to unravel . The love bombing was always going on . Verrry intense in the beginning. Including felating in strange times( they use it for control). Then when she decided she was done. It started by talking behind my back at work. Then, when I said she was doing it, she would deny it and call me crazy until I finally got it out of her. I got pissed ( really pissed). I was working 70+ hrs and being told I was worthless. Love bombing a coworker at the same time she was love bombing me. I got really mad at her laughing at me behind my back at work. As she left the last day..I told her I would expose her for all the shit talk about others at work. I was mad and full of vitriol. She is telling people now I said I would kill her. I tried to break of ties completely and she immediately wanted to see me. Would you want to see someone who wants to kill you?

@bucolic_frolic1284 10 месяцев назад

Trauma bonds can happen outside romantic relationships, like with a friend, family member, or even a boss.

@DontPretendtoCare 9 месяцев назад

I have never valued a partner, friend, or anyone in my life ever.

@garypartain3045 4 месяца назад

Work wife who wishes to bump the real wife out

@Aquablu39 10 месяцев назад

I trauma bonded with every serious relationship I've had until I did ALOT of reflection on my past and definitely had alot of healing to do.

@user-akroban 10 месяцев назад

Same here. It took many many years to figure it out. After a lot of self reflection! It feels so good to be free of that. Child abused, emotionally and sexually by my Grandfather.

@allisonb.8492 10 месяцев назад

How did you heal, what specific steps?

@DontPretendtoCare 9 месяцев назад

You are definitely alone. We all are. 🖕

@hdvette64 9 месяцев назад

Yes, please share.

@NewMe-iq5os 9 месяцев назад

@@allisonb.8492 you didn’t ask me but maybe I can help. It takes time to heal from the trauma bond. I’ve been no contact for 4 years now. That helps a lot. Then self care and RU-vid, books, getting rid of toxic people. I went back and looked at why I ignored the red flags, why I tolerated such awful treatment and it came down to my childhood. So I examined the generational trauma my parents and grandparents experienced. Not to blame anyone but to understand. Then forgive yourself and treat yourself the way he/she should’ve treated you.

@fawnlargent6347 9 месяцев назад

I am sitting here listening to this and crying my eyes out because I go through all of this just about every single day. I have been married to a narcissist for almost 40 years. Prayers and conversations would really be appreciated 😢😢

@2010hockeymom 9 месяцев назад

Me too. 35 years

@ality5049 8 месяцев назад

Sending prayers . You can get out.

@Kyubi_Nine_Tales 7 месяцев назад

@@ality5049what’s the difference between being mean and being caring? If a friend is fat, and I tell that friend to go to the gym because he have health problems due to his weight, am I being mean still? I think it would be under concern.

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I only have had a few years . I can't imagine the pain you live with for so long. Wish you were closer so I could hug you and let you know I'm here. Definitely praying for you. Hang in there

@jeannieotb8491 6 месяцев назад

It’s never too late to leave. 33 years and 68. I am leaving. Namaste 🙏 🥰

@Bianca-sw5id 3 месяца назад

The healing takes as long as it takes , can't afford to be impatient about the healing ♥️

@kylelofthouse8776 22 дня назад

The thing that made me realize she was a narcissist is just how she would smirk when we fought like she was enjoying my distress.

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 8 месяцев назад

When we talk about narcisistic relationships we should think of them as addictions which is why it is so hard to break the trauma bonds. We get a dopamine hit in the lovebombing and then sudden drop in devaluation stage so we crave the next hit of the feel good hormone and the consequences of staying in a narcisistic relationships are equally lethal. Thank you Christina❤

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

They are....just like heroine or alcohol. You get the high and crave a fatal addiction. The thing you want and need most is the worst thing

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

I would have at least listened and made mental notes. I would absolutely wanted to know.

@maggiedivine4856 Месяц назад

I was not even in love with him ! He was not cute (ugly), not good sexually, liar… but my ego let him love booming me and he told me about his life ( many red flags). It worked like heroine (up and down gaslighting), I was anticipating his next move which put me on high alert. He told me he was hospitalized in psychiatric hospital after his narcissistic father played with his mind. I asked him what was his diagnosis? And he told me he only spent one weekend. I think he was diagnosed like his father.

@debbiegalica2992 10 месяцев назад

They groom us because they pick us because they see something special in us.

@hospice8896 3 месяца назад

Yes! That's it. Yes

@dennisfernandez3405 2 месяца назад

My girl literally said something like this on our first date. I just thought it was cute at the time but fast forward 9 months and now I'm here watching these videos.. 😢

@kylelofthouse8776 22 дня назад

Yup the moment we moved in together is when devaluation started, that something special is empathy.

@janellewolfe5260 8 месяцев назад

“You either have to start accepting unacceptable behaviour or you have to leave” …that is the heavy truth.

@danielchallenger979 Месяц назад

Whenever I start to have doubts about my ex being a narcissist, I find videos like this that take that doubt away. It really feels like the last five years of my life have been recorded and being portrayed in these videos.

@observingsystem 10 месяцев назад

"I only lied that one time you could prove it and only because you drove me to it" That's something I'll never forget. It was so ridiculous that I lost all respect for him in that moment, while feeling like an idiot myself for ever falling for him. So many people go through this.Thank you for making people aware of this, Christina.

@NewOrder69 9 месяцев назад

"People who lie think that people lie to them" This was what I was told by my ex and like you its something I will never forget. I was amazed sometimes the crap that would come out of her mouth!

@observingsystem 8 месяцев назад

That's some really nasty gaslighting right there, yeah!@@NewOrder69 (sorry, didn't see your reply before)

@int0the3p1t32 6 месяцев назад

@@NewOrder69to be fair a lot of people do lie in a multitude of scenarios and interactions. What that really sounds like is “other people lie; I’m the victim” Very disjointed ideas held together by straw manning.

@samlambert1442 19 дней назад

This was 100% exactly my experience also.. 😢

@tmitz73 9 месяцев назад

Never really felt like a part of the narcs life. Spot On.

@nicholaslawrence6926 6 месяцев назад

"He always seemed to keep me separate." Took the words right out of my mouth.

@TAP-xs4nd Месяц назад

I stuck up for him, so many times, defended his behavior, his words, he was my husband, to learn about all his dishonesty and disloyalty towards me. I can’t even describe, how that makes me feel.

@anneslates6612 10 месяцев назад

This video was very helpful. I see I am/was trauma bonded to my ex. I stayed after the first signs of cheating-my line in the sand- because he was ill. I shouldn’t have. Nine years later, after he recovered, he got viciously verbally abusive. By then my confidence was gone. I was never good enough, never made enough money, never behaved the way he wanted, had unfounded trust issues etc. A short stay with my mother allowed me to see what being in a supportive environment was like. I returned to the relationship when the threat of illness recurred, but no longer reacted to the insults. He was shocked when I moved out. Best thing I have done. It took a while to completely wean myself but I have done so while maintaining a healthy relationship(long distance) with his family, whom I love dearly. Do I still occasionally feel the pull? Of course, it’s an addiction. Will I ever go back. No.

@ashleyking7161 8 месяцев назад

I've been out of the relationship for 2 years, and I'm definitely still healing and learning to stand up for myself. But there were a few things said in this video that really hit home. We used to hang out with my family (joke around have fun- typically at my expense- at least on his end) but then we would go home and he would joke that my family loved him so much that if I ever left him, they would disown me and keep him. Spoiler alert- they didn't and I'm currently living with them, lol. Also I would never fight him on anything anymore because "what's the point" somehow whenever I'd try to fight back it would turn into everything I've done wrong, and I'd be accused of not having examples to back myself up, and I'd be under so much pressure my brain would stop working and I really wouldn't have examples. But when I was actually planning to leave, my friend got mad at me. She said "if you can't stand up to someone that you're not even going to stay with, what makes you think you're not going to turn around and immediately get into another relationship just like this! And I was mad... at first. But the more I thought about it the more it sunk in, so I started standing up for myself... and he actually did the hard part of breaking the relationship off because he could feel the change in me. Another thing that stood out for me was the fact that for these 2 years I've been trying to gain myself back. I used to be a super creative person, even during a large chunk of our relationship I was all about crafting... I haven't touched a craft in years. But I am trying to find her again.

@neveragain733 18 дней назад

I was used, totally used for a full 7 years. I truly believe she enjoyed seeing me suffering. All her lies, non stop gaslighting, cheating, circular conversations drove me to shear insanity. I finally ended it. Out of nowhere she accuses me of abusing her. I have never been so shocked in my entire life. Its been 2 years since the end and the ptsd is still strong. She quickly moved onto someone else very very fast.

@syndicalist702 7 месяцев назад

I feel like my loyalty was weaponised against me.

@JanetteWhitlock 8 месяцев назад

It came to the point I was physically hurting myself to get a reaction from them. I was always making excuses for their behavior to others. 25 years of abuse...I left 4 months ago and I'm going through withdrawals. It is pure hell.

@RajeshKankavlikar 6 месяцев назад

How are you feeling now

@joannedomingo2398 5 месяцев назад

Ditto 🙏🏻

@preetiahuja4004 5 месяцев назад

Hope you’re feeling better now.

@hospice8896 3 месяца назад

Pure hell. It feels like you are going crazy. Just be patient. I am so sorry. It's agony

@NeekATL Месяц назад

I’m in the same boat right now. I’ve had to learn about codependency and all the inward things that narcissistic relationships make you realize about yourself, which at least will result in a better us in the end.

@zoriani.7215 10 месяцев назад

I am no longer with the person who tried to ruin me, thankfully. But I am still healing from that situation over 2 years later, and I watch your videos because they are so helpful. I have a better understanding of so many things now. Watching this video I kept going back to this memory I have of when I was with this person. There had been a blackout, so there were no fans, no ac, it was a warm summer night. He made a bag and told me he was going to stay the night at his father's place because there was electricity there. I was upset that he would just pick up and leave, and he went on a rant about how selfish I was and how dare I expect him to stay with me in this heat... I should have broken up with him right then. But at that point, I believed his words, like who was I to keep him from going to a place where he could sleep well and not be sweaty all night? He didn't even think to take me with him though, so who really was the selfish one?

@lovingcampbell 10 месяцев назад

The things these people do can only be from Satan, himself, because how?

@CLS51 10 месяцев назад

I so relate to this… 💔

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

I would have called his dad to make sure he was OK... Subtly let him know I wasn't invited.

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

Or...I would have said something like, well, I'm going to a friend's house as well and I'll be gone a fee days I think. Then I would completely ignore calls or messages

@Andypandieful 10 месяцев назад

16:07. I had a covert narcissist friend say I was “ weak” with a very mocking and cruel tone when I did speak my mind and stand my ground against her behavior. I will never forget it. I figured it’s a projection of her weakness. A group of us had a sit down on her behavior while trapped on vacation with her. She chose to attack me.

@zeemw5422 8 месяцев назад

I love the way you explain this… my friends ask me if I still love that POS. I said I never loved him. I loved his lies. Nothing to love once I knew him he was a disgusting human I would have never chose for myself. Wishing you all the happiness and freedom from these sick people 🤗

@thewanderwoman3930 Месяц назад

I have migraines and he showed so much care and concern in the beginning, which then went to, youre only having a headache, theres nothing i can do so i may as well go out. Everything you feel in your body about these people, all the senses you have about their behaviour, listen to because you cant rely on your thoughts as your thinking will have been totally warped by these people.

@michiganmymichigan 10 месяцев назад

I love the supportive community. 💗 I am sad to know so many have to go through this. I thought it was a uniquely weird time I went through with so many narcs. We are all different, but the patterns are so similar. Be you. 🧡

@TimetoWonder222 7 месяцев назад

He finally showed me who he was and how he felt about me. I thought we were friends for 25 years but now realize he was just stringing me along. I didn't understand who it was he became when it all blew up until I researched and healed.

@zacharyantram5930 8 дней назад

In my last relationship my friends all noticed how she talked to me and said something, and at first I didn't believe them but when I realized it was a big wake up call. To this day I'm glad someone said something to me

@lustertone8587 10 месяцев назад

This information is spot on with my experiences with my covert narcissistic spouse. As I have worked hard on healing and getting back to being myself and doing what I love to do, my covert is getting more and more extreme in their views and I'm getting accused of being the extreme one and the problem in the relationship :/

@mightymouse1005 7 месяцев назад

My go to for anything said..."hmm, OK, whatever " Don't matter what he says.....I don't even care what he says

@user-by3ts7io9v 8 месяцев назад

I wanted to add to the comment you read referring to the devaluation stage and not introducing to family, keeping separate etc. While it absolutely feels like they are ashamed to introduce you, or keeping you away to make a break up easier later, etc. I don’t think that is necessary their reason behind it. It seems more likely that they are keeping their partner at a distance from those who know them so their facade stays intact. Family and friends can tell unflattering stories and possibly sway their partner into seeing the real them. In my own experience, I also think my partner hid me from knowing his “friends” so that he could also behave shady without anyone really knowing he was in a relationship or know he was cheating or flirting. After all, he needed as much attention and admiration as he could get, others knowing he had a girlfriend would have cramped his style!

@cp9023 8 месяцев назад

I have told myself it felt like it was an addiction. You confirmed it. Thank you!

@-Greetings-Earthlings- 6 месяцев назад

I do very much recognize narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding as real psychological dynamics, but the Twin Flame or soul connections are metaphysical and spiritual dynamics not to be confused with the former. I notice many psychologists lump this together out of misunderstanding which is harmful to the people that are experiencing it (although yes there are many self-proclaimed gurus preying on vulnerable people having this experience)

@markchieng9501 4 месяца назад

"When you find someone who makes you feel as tho you've known them all your life"... I can't believe this. I actually wrote this exact line in a card I bought her.

@timc2493 10 месяцев назад

Never met one of her friends. I think there were 2 of them total. She met all of mine. INSIGNIFICANT sums it up. I stuck with this too long. GUILT AND SHAME TO THE MAXIMUM.

@valevallo 10 месяцев назад

Same! Such a huge red flag. I didn’t even question till it was over why I never met her friends. Though I use that term loosely. She had one long term friend who was also highly narcissistic and unstable.

@diaryofanaxeman539 6 месяцев назад

I am trapped due have children with this narcissist from a family of total narcissists.

@jmccoomber1659 8 месяцев назад

Any time I had the nerve to disagree I'd be hit with "Are you calling me a liar?"" I would answer that no, I wasn't calling them a liar, I just have a different view of the situation. I'd try to explain that everyone is intitled to their own opinion and truth is something discussed in philosophy classes but never present in real life. That never worked. I grew up accepting unacceptable behavior, from an early age from my older brother, who I idolized. It easy to see now, several years after I ended my association with an abusive narcissist who (now I believe positively) cut me off from my family, that this early experience made it easy to think unacceptable behavior was just how people act. People who love you put you down because they care and want to "help" you be a better person. After a while it was easier to just give up and go with the flow to try to head off more abuse. It's been more than 4 years now since I got that abusive person out of my house and my life, I'm appreciating going no contact with my family and I have an awesome husband and partner who appreciates everything I am and all the things I do for him. However, I see that I still overdo "doing things" because it seems I still believe I have to do everything for someone to be worthy of their affection. He tells me he would be happy if I didn't do everything I do but someone has to do these things - shopping, cooking, laundry, paying bills, etc. - so I do the lion's share of these things even though he's perfectly capable of doing these things himself (unlike that other person). I know I still have covert fear of abuse and abandonment so perhaps I'm still trying to earn the love I deserve by doing instead of just being, even though my husband tells me every day that I'm amazing, awesome, and extraordinary. I guess I worry that he might stop being so wonderful if I stopped doing everything I do. Still recovering from the trauma, I'm a work in progress but it's getting better every day 🙂

@janetbenedict1187 27 дней назад

I’m so lost! It’s been 2 years since the divorce and I’m still lost. I’m sobbing as I listen and hearing you say it gets better but it’s not getting better. I in disbelief over the obvious extent of the damage that he did. I have been in counseling and I see a psychiatrist but I’m not healing. I’m finally starting school next week to try to salvage what I can of my graduate degree which he sabotaged! I’m terrified! I’m hoping and praying that if I just throw myself into it, my old self will show up for me. My husband of 10 years became a monster over the last couple of years. I stayed until I felt like I had to leave to salvage as much of myself as possible. Sometimes I think I failed. The ironic part is he is my best friend still and he is in another state. I haven’t connected with new people, I am on disability and my body seems to have attacked me and my wrists have been destroyed by a rare form of rapidly progressing osteoarthritis. It usually takes years for this much damage but it happened in a year. I think I am grieving over the loss of so many things. My life, my marriage, my best friend and trusted person, my daughter, my dog, my career, my body, and others. It’s overwhelming! I’m 60 and dating sucks! I’m so lonely and I seem to have really bad judgment about men. I’m lucky that I’m still here. I’m too trusting. Men don’t want a relationship. I’m so tired.

@Growwithgrace101 4 месяца назад

Love the weather analogy. It helped me see that I had 6 days of drought where he was distant then one day of glorious love rain ... where he showered me with words of love and being this romantic charismatic person. This kept me hooked in an addiction to him.

@rebeccasmerdel4424 9 дней назад

I have been trying to process what I have been experiencing the last several years and listening to you has enlightened me and strength me not to question my experience! You have helped me and I am forever grateful

@formulam6 4 месяца назад

Spent 6 off and on years with someone like this. Never knew it was a thing. Makes sense now why we didn't work out. After 4 marriage therapists, all she did was blamed me for everything and then played the victim. Could never make her happy. Always picking fights with me, and never understood till now why. Thanks for this video, gives me some closure that I really needed. I was carrying all the guilt since I finally left for good. I was told I was too sensitive. Video is spot on.

@TAP-xs4nd Месяц назад

Definitely a roller coaster of a ride One minute, I’m feeling compassion and the next, I’m just angry and feel so nieve.

@Amanda-ft6sr 26 дней назад

All of my friends saw through him and tried to warn me but I didn’t believe them. I saw it as almost a challenge to stay with him to prove everyone wrong. 24 years later my eyes are finally open. Still stuck but working on it

@stevenkovler5133 10 месяцев назад

Why do I have so much anxiety and depression? Why do I feel like I did the narcissistic stuff to her? Because of my trauma bond I led her on. I had her thinking I was going to cancel the divorce . Now I feel like crap.. Also, I know I am totally addicted to her. I am even worried about her being with other men after we divorce, she even through up in my face that she will not be single for very long … she is younger then me and quite beautiful.

@hospice8896 3 месяца назад

Same. Exactly. It's not worth the torture. A meetup will get you sooo high! But the backlash is soo bad. Stay strong

@eko8266 10 месяцев назад

Can relate to all of it, in the devaluation phase she changed completely, and would play on my traumas and fears anytime something would not be all about her. When I started to feel really bad about it, and fed up with all of her lies and provocations, I tried to talk about the issues, she got mad and aggressive. I never saw so much gaslighting, now I understand what it means thanks to her, she never said or done anything bad, she never lied even if she's constantely bragging about how good of a liar she is, everything is in my head and i'm just hurting myself. Of course, she already had some new supply at that time, as soon as it was secured for her I got violentely discarded, funny enough, she called me a narcissist. She tried to hoover a month ago, funny again, her condition to do me the honnor of taking me back, was that I have a true and total trust in her. Thanks to your videos I understood what happened, and refused even if I still miss her horribly. Stay braves everyone, the only love you should be addicted to should come from yourself before anything, respect yourself and take care. It's nice, to know that we are not alone, thank you all.

@sylviacardona9815 6 месяцев назад

That hovering phase is the most challenging for me. I still fall for it every time. My denial kicks in and I think it’s going to be different this time. Thankfully I’m finding support in a 12 step program, in watching these videos, and in finding a new group of friends doing something I totally love- I joined a ski club and they have lots of fun things to do so I don’t have to feel I have nowhere to go if I’m not around this person I have a trauma bond to 🥶🥶🥶

@eko8266 6 месяцев назад

take care ! hope you feel better soon@@sylviacardona9815

@teripersson1308 10 месяцев назад

I didn't introduce my now ex to my family. We had on/off cycles for a few years. He would friendzone me/discard me and ghost me. I wanted to introduce him but there were several reasons why I didn't. My family wouldn't have approved and since we kept breaking up I didnt see the point. Don't remember much in the way of him lovebombing but definitely had devaluation- mostly physical aspects like I was not tall enough or my hair colour wasn't right and if I dyed it he 'might put a ring on' my finger! Will never forget that. Such a dent in my self esteem

@CommonEgo 10 месяцев назад

Sounds like you had valid reasons not to involve the family 🙏❤️

@teripersson1308 10 месяцев назад

@@CommonEgo Thank you for saying this. x

@DontPretendtoCare 9 месяцев назад

My ex always called me the N word because they know how much I hate N words. Goddamn I hated that.

@grimoluden2693 День назад

I feel you so much, I'm really glad you left that relationship. My best wishes for your happiness :)

@a.e.bridwell8236 9 месяцев назад

Mine loved bombed me right off the bat, then pretended like she didn't know me and screw another guy. Since we worked together I couldn't just get away from her but I didn't speak to her for 2 months. The whole time she was trying to love bomb me again. She eventually succeeded. I was trauma bonded to her for the next 18 years. When I was disabled in a car accident, I was discarded and put out on the street with just my car and a few belongings. When I finally realized who and what she was, it got worse. Much worse. She alienated my daughter from me, my mother, my brother. It's been 4 years now. I'm still combating her alienation attempts on my younger 3 children. I cannot believe how cruel people can be. It boggles my mind, when I can find it. Most of the time I feel like I've lost my mind.

@larry_ellison 19 дней назад

You're too sensitive is such a classic phrase for verbal abuse. Im upset at who I became over the course of the last relationship I had. I feel like a different person now and not for the better. Sucks because you can have good intentions and that doesnt matter

@nicolemiller6617 4 месяца назад

I can definitely relate to the feeling separate. My husband, soon to be ex husband, was most likely a covert narcissist and was known to everyone else as a super nice guy, who would do anything for anyone. However, after a disagreement a few months into our marriage, he ordered me out of His house, so I had to take my daughter and a house full of my possessions back to my Own house but we remained married. He had a whole life that didn't include me, though I included him in all of my activities and family events. I never knew where he was or what he was doing. He never had time for me. He was always supposedly working even on weekends, or he would rather just hang out with his adult son who lives with him and drink. As he is an alcoholic as well. He would call me his wife when it was convenient for him but never treated me like I was. When I got sick of it and said enough after 12 years of this, he has resorted to the smear campaign and telling everyone he knows how awful I was and he got rid of me when it was actually me who ended it. Covert narcissists are hard to spot, at least for me, and I feel like they can do more damage because no one else can see what they are doing behind closed doors and so they side with the narcissist when things go south, leaving you feeling all the more isolated and questioning your own reality of what happened..

@user-iu1cc1yc5n 4 месяца назад

All I'm hearing is that song " she says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing,always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring.... I don't remember what year or who sings it but it is my anthem 😢

@djchaiwallah 6 месяцев назад

Thank you for making this video and channel. I have PTSD and felt like I was weak for staying and trying to get back with my ex girlfriend who was extremely abusive. I knew how she treated me was terrible but I was so broken that I felt like I needed to hold on.

@1Freax 5 месяцев назад

I was raised by a narcissistic mom and narcissistic grandmother. They have that golden child bond. I am too empathetic because of that and am still learning how to build boundaries (at 29). So the thing is that I still sometimes blame myself for being a narcissist in relationships (eventhough I learned a lot from ur videos and the narcs were the other person) - I would still blame myself for having at least one or two of the 10000 of traits of narcissists.. tho I know that most of those traits are still learned from me being raised by narcissists and I still to this day am relearning and pointing them out and changing.. i was actually very similar to a narcissist while growing up, cuz I thought that that is okay and that is the way.. it is so weird. Is that okay to feel? I still hope I am not a narcissist 🥲🫣

@manapeace 4 месяца назад

Anyone that’s motivated and capable of serious introspection is definitely not a narcissist.

@ashleynance7038 10 месяцев назад

Just found your channel this week - the week I kicked an emotionally abusive boss and an emotionally abusive family member the same week. First day after felt AMAZING but now I'm noticing my thoughts and feelings wishing the family member, my "friend" for 14 years, and I could work it out, or thinking of ways to defend myself better that she couldn't possibly misunderstand, even though I now know her capacity for "misunderstanding" me and blaming me for it is infinite. This is the question I have for you and wonder if you have tips on: how do you share what is happening with others who know you both, and why you don't want to be anywhere near them anymore? We have a family reunion coming up and I want to share what has changed between us without being hateful/smear campaigning myself? I have tried so hard so far not to gossip, and I know she will try to turn anything negative I say about her against me, but I also know the rest of my family loves and respects me and would not stand for it if they knew. Any tips for me and others who might be in a similar boat? Thank you for doing these video - I've had them on auto play whence i have shown time for days and everything is coming clear. Just got to keep listening to things line this until I feel completely free. Thank you!

@jrr4475 10 месяцев назад

Yeah, the covert narcissist boyfriend I was with referred to me as his "friend" in public and when I questioned him about it, he said "Oh I thought saying boyfriend would make YOU uncomfortable". My next boyfriend also sounded like he was going to refer to me as a "friend" and keep me away from his family. I let him know straight up I wasn't fine with that.

@dinoLomedico 10 месяцев назад

Cristina I suffered a short marriage , just months, and she left, divorce . I suffered in that, I felt guilty, in a way I was afraid of my wife . She would bring up things, I felt defenseless, fell into a severe depression, Felt I married her and I will be faithful , but I was in torment, but the day came and she said she was going . Months, years, gradually I got better . I seldom think of that time, no I do not visit that time . HOWERVER , you Cristina are helping me face that a tad, you , your kindness and softness, your smile, persona help me feel safe .

@NKRAIEM 10 месяцев назад

Incredible! Super helpful

@NikkiEdmunds 3 дня назад

I have to say that when my ex and I just met, I was very concerned about him when he was sick but I pulled back because I got to know that he used illness to get my attention. Also, he wanted my loyalty, yet, he constantly came to me with stories about him always being hit on by women. I came to know that he was the one who was flirting with the women. In the end, I had no choice but to go no contact for my own sanity. He was a master at Lovebombing.

@UGLY-MONEY17 6 месяцев назад

Ugh this is so fucking accurate. Thank you for bursting my bubble. I needed it more than I realized……I’ve got to preserve my mental and physical health…….things have been completely out of control recently. It’s legitimately scary how much insanity I’ve put up with the past couple years……..the moment of clarity I just had isn’t something I’d expect to have after watching a RU-vid video…..so great job. This really helped blow the denial out of my brain……it was freakishly overdue.

@Alex-hp2hy 6 дней назад

I am stuck, and have been stuck in stage 4 for nearly 2 years now. I now only have this person. I just cannot break free

@thebeardbeastx 9 месяцев назад

This has been so helpful. Thank you

@thewanderwoman3930 Месяц назад

My ex said that 'my problems are quite unique' and that I was the manipulative and devious one when i tried calling him out for his behavior.

@samuelbell3281 3 месяца назад

Many traumatized people either project their issue onto others or inject unnecessary drama into the relationship. They need to deal with their trauma and not cause problems for others in their lives.

@Yenya787 9 месяцев назад

It’s like a textbook. This is so eerie

@Skydejavu 2 месяца назад

Every stage described in this video represents my relationship with my exnarcisist, specially after this whole thing was done I feel so lost, I lost myself on this sick game of pretending and now I have to literally pick the pieces of my shattered self and, god as my witness, it's not easy at all. I feel so foolish, so vulnerable. God, I didn't even use to get to to this emotional stage in the past and here I am now.

@dinab7852 2 месяца назад

Watching your videos several hours/day helps me to stay strong and sane, keep moving forward and never look back/go back to my narcissistic ex-husband. Thank you 1000X

@DanielSchultz01 10 месяцев назад

I love your videos Cristina. Thank you.

@wastingmymoneyonmotorcycles 6 месяцев назад

Wow that last part about what you actually are addicted to it's SO TRUE. I've never realized it but this is what it was. The highs you experience after the lows. Thank you.!

@Bob-zh6dw 6 месяцев назад

Janette...I used to be where you are now. It takes time and knowledge to make it through the lonliness and betrayal you're going through. Keep watching these videos including other similar channels on NPD. You have to maintain No Contact if possible. It's hard in the beginning but it does get easier. You're stronger than you think. Prayer also helps tremendously if you believe in a higher power. Stay strong. You got this!

@glennnoffsinger4092 7 месяцев назад

Thank you! so validating and this resonates like a tuning fork. Very helpful in understanding

@saprijean 8 месяцев назад

This is spot on . Insane 😢

@erikandresen6713 10 месяцев назад

You’re awesome. Thx

@dustonsorrells1342 10 месяцев назад

Trauma bond made me feel low to where I didn't even want to try and talk to anyone and made me paranoid I use to not care what people thought about me but I get paranoid in public or if I'm around my family

@antonattachihombori9561 5 месяцев назад

You are not alone. This is the exact same effect it had on me. Thank you for sharing.

@brendawarner5415 10 месяцев назад

I am completely un8mportant in my relationship. He inform3d me that we have to sell our house ( again)and if I dont want to move, hes going anyways. I am getting ready to be single, because I will have nothing , no job, no family no friends if I agree to move. If I dnt I wont have enough money to get a home.

@almor2445 11 дней назад

Dear lord. That part about separation hit me. In 6 years I hardly met any other people in her life. She lied about working so I couldn't meet her colleagues. She banned me from going to her Buddhist centre because I had am experience there that took attention away from her. She hated her family and kept her address secret for months in the beginning. Turns out everything she said was a lie, even the personality I am still in live with... was a fabrication!

@tesssilba9078 6 месяцев назад

Good illustration about the rain & sun…. Thanks

@garywood5906 3 месяца назад

You are Brilliant and please do not stop. May God bless you 🙏

@Arrtists 8 месяцев назад

Thank you this is where I think I am at. I have had her move out but I still get stuck in this trap

@alexamir31 9 месяцев назад

Thank you so much

@salmon3345 25 дней назад

I had the worst trauma bond with a functioning alcoholic! I went back to her at least 15 times in 2 years because of hope and potential. She always promised to get sober and I fell for it every time. We both loved each other but I had to leave to save myself so now I’m heartbroken 💔. And the worst part is I still want to go back to her but I just know I can’t

@al.masihi 9 месяцев назад

I feel like this with no breaking off this cycle of pain

@charlesdaubner1017 3 месяца назад

What an instructive analogy, being trapped inside for a time (deprived) and then when you finally do get out, it's magic to be outside; the smells , the breeze, the light ... If you have this dynamic-bond with someone, those moments in the light really penetrate, super-intense-momentary gratification, they are amazing. Pursuing that next hit, so compelling. It's a bit like giving up cigarettes (for us nicotine addicts); compelling like alcohol and sex can be

@Growwithgrace101 4 месяца назад

9.43 This was my experience. I was a secret. I wasn't included in his life and I too felt it was so he could cut ties easily when he needed to. No photos, no connections. I once asked his brothers name and he said it was just information. He wasn’t comfortable sharing information after a couple of years together!

@florencenowak9827 4 месяца назад

Totally the same for me 😢

@Growwithgrace101 4 месяца назад

@florencenowak9827 the question is why did we allow it? If I had pushed he would of left. So it was a no win. Sorry you had this too it sucks

@johnkarl8921 5 месяцев назад

Having commented on narcissism as a possible Developmental disorder I also feel for anyone who may have the traits due to past traumas. Trauma does effect mental functioning. The fact is that there's still no excuse for abuse even emotional /mental abuse as hurt people hurt people. It's never a choice to suffer abuse but it is a choice not to attempt to self heal or seek therapy before that trauma becomes handed down to others who also don't choose it, even though they may choose to bear the burden. Thanks Christina ❤

@ericmartin7013 Месяц назад

Yes, I have been in a relationship for the past six years where my wife treated me like my feelings didn't matter. She was always trying to get my up cut off any relationships with my first wife, and my son, and she would tell me that my ex wife was a bad woman because she's the one who traumatized me, and that my ex was the reason I developed bipolar and PTSD, but I knew this to not be true. But she would always try to gas light me by telling me that my ex and her entire family were toxic for me, but nothing could be further from the truth. I'm at the point now, that I had to secretly lease an apartment several hours away from her, to which I just recently fled, leaving her behind in my house because I just felt so trapped and tired of the drama. However, because I did this, I left her in the dust, she has turned it all around and painted me out to be the bad guy and the unloving husband in an attempt to win me back, but I'm tired of the bullsh** and I don't want to go back. But part of me feels sorry for her, but she'll never admit that she's done anything wrong, that it's all my fault that I feel this way because my brain is lying to me about the situation, but I know that up not be true. I'm not sure she's a narcissist or not, but trying to separate me from my family of 22 years, like totally cut them out of my life for good, was something that I just could not agree to do. I'd rather lose her in my life than to lose my first wife, even if that means I should divorce her and return to my first wife, that's what I'll do because I still love my first wife and we really had no valid reason for getting a divorce to begin with. I an aware that my leaving her did hurt her very much, but I just couldn't take her constantly trying to create a divide behind my family and her. She kept telling me that I needed to forget my ex and her family, but I never truly bonded with her and she never felt like family to me. We just never bonded because how could I love someone who was always trying to separate me from my wife of 22 years and our son? Not going to happen on my watch. I'm sorry. Marrying my second wife was a huge mistake indeed. I regret the six years of my life that I've wasted with her. It has only brought me very much grief and heartache. What say ye? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

@notme8121 8 месяцев назад

I saw a kitty in your video, I love kitties! Oh, great video too ! Thanks

@dinab7852 10 месяцев назад

I am trauma bonded to my narcissistic ex-husband 😢.

@juliejen2605 6 месяцев назад

I thank God for prayer and God's ability to set people free. Because I know you can't just tell them, to walk away and ask them, "Don't you sew what this person is doing to you. They don't see it at the time. God has to open their eyes and left the veil from their eyes.

@dinab7852 2 месяца назад

God bless you for this channel. 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Shortlongshoelace Месяц назад

thank you!

@Risa-tz9nx 8 месяцев назад

The "not including you in their life" part is a new hit to me. Every time we talked about our future, even tho I specifically said I did not want to live with the in-law or my parents, he always said "I'm going to buy a house for my mom and live with her," lmao. And when I asked, "What about me?" he said "ofc you're in the picture!" then kept talking about his mom😂Although this now all seem like a joke, it made me extremely confused also feel very afraid to ask further questions at that time. Because on the surface we lived together and things seemed normal (mostly), but "the mom topic" came up pretty often and I was never considered or mentioned in that future picture. I am glad I got out.

@DrSlotnick 7 месяцев назад

The language is so revealing. Like, "I'm going to go to for dinner." Never, "would you like to go to with me? " or "where should we go for dinner? " There's no thought for the other as a partner or person.

@Doe8617 7 месяцев назад

Daughter instead of mother here, but same!!!!

@scarlett-rosealiviakensing7623 3 месяца назад

Thank you so much! I'm in the addicted phase! I've never found material that explained this phase in the way you have. This resonated and made so much sense to me!!! Yes! The good days become so intense. Thank you so much for the clarity! I am currently on day 2 of taking "spcae" - waiting for another fake good day. After hearing this, I will not fall for it

@dpaesthetics9139 Месяц назад

This relationship I’m in is exactly this.. but I know I’m half the problem too.. not sure if she has it so bad that for me thinking that, but I know I could have done better with things. A lot of this is 100% on point with her tho. I don’t always like to just point the finger at the other person, she definitely has all this but I kinda do too.. but know I can be better moving forward regardless of what’s happens

@michaelsavard1144 Месяц назад

Separated now for eight weeks. Had my first decent night last night, out with friends to dinner. She gives me marriage therapy, where she doesn't feel she can communicate freely with me, to act as though she wants to bring us together. No emotional content in any conversation. I'd seen this now for around two decades. I'm still so dumb to be on the fence thinking I really want my old life back. Somehow I always gave, and just never got much back except to be pushed another step back. So many boundaries that I seemed to constantly violate that even I could never be assertive of my own. Completely spun around to the point where I really have thought a lot the I was the entire problem. At this point, I just want some joy and to find people who are ok with me, as I am.

@donfutura1 Месяц назад

Your Still Vulnerable so stay alone for awhile? Celebisy

@nekronik 9 месяцев назад

I stop involving her with family stuff because our relationship was so unstable and she was always trying to fight and argue with me about everything so i think i just did it as a boundary.

@cmullenmusic 7 месяцев назад

Thank you 💜✞

@JeepbabyB 5 месяцев назад

Looking back we never really got close and got to know each other…but inwas most definitely trauma bonded 😢 near the end he began icing and ghosting more often and the most painfully eye opening..was when he said “ theres always someone better” after being iintamate

@mara680 4 месяца назад

I experienced this whole cycle in only one week. So short but so intense that i still have to deal with this issue. Hoovering just starts now again after 3 months. Its so hard not to bite on it, she is so beautiful makes such great fine art and is a real princess. Thats probably the reason why she got this disorder... So sad and I feel kind of sorry for her. But I dont want to feel sorry for me too, so I will go on fighting my longing and stay no contact.