A Crap Guide to Magic the Gathering [Sponsored] 

just monica

Except unlike D&D, MTG fireball costs 1 to play so you can use it whenever you want, and if you run out of fireball just switch to blue and dig through your graveyard for more fireballs. Wait didn't draw fireball on your first turn, well that's ok because blue also allows you to search through library to find more fireballs. So just choose all the fireballs you can then more cards that let you get more fireballs. If blue isn't good enough yet it also lets you make copies of fireball so you can cast 2, no 3, no 4, no 6 fireballs at the same time! Wait still can't spam fireball fast enough? Well that's ok too, because green lets you hoard land like the roman empire, meaning you can spam fireball like your enemies wish they were dead 10 turns ago. Wait are you spaming fireball so fast that you're runing out of cards in your library now? Well that's ok because black lets you put your graveyard back into your library and start over again with more fireballs! Still not enough? Well white lets you grow stronger every-time you dish out a fireball to your enemies, meaning that as your enemies burn in the terrible onslaught of your awesome, enormous, dangling fireballs you're getting bigger and beefier like a fireball wizard on steroids. So have fun and fireball, Fireball. FIREBALL!

@@CatFish21sm weird flex but ok

@@CatFish21sm Or, hear me out, you can get 20+ mana by turn 4 with green and wipe them out with EXPROSIOON! Or a better card at that then explosion.

@@CatFish21sm ah yes, izzet, the best dual color combo.

Excuse me, what kind of blue scrub plays *creatures?*

@@hi123452008 Mono-Blue Tempo....?

@@DaniszAstronauta Counterspell Tribal or GTFO!

Except when your opponent is also blue. I counterspell your counterspell

@@duckwizardd and then I counter spell that counter spell of my counter spell

so it cost more that some of the printing of there cards wow big spenders

Still, I wish this had been its own Crap Guide series.

​@@adrianjamesdelfin7414crap guide to dimir

@@Jc27uhh4h4h4 Crap guide to Orzhov, Abzan, Esper

Green: its turn 3 and i have 6 mana

@@matthewarnold4557 That's actually pretty slow.

@@rowantatun5473 Personally I prefer: It's turn 3 so I play Karn.

@@stevenwang5148 My brother's preferred pure green deck is: "It's turn 3. I play Emrakul".

White-Black: So, I hit your guys for 10 this turn, so I gain 10, and now I'm going to sacrifice 2 of them to make the other two stronger and also heal for more, and eventually I'll stomp you with Wall of Limbs or Ajani's Pridemate.

Alyssa Grace you know what pickles my my tickles, mono blue

@@AlbireoTheLion You know what pickles my tickles: *Tableflip!!!!*

This

No

So true

A trailer featuring the cookie card dropped today and I’ve been watching it nonstop, someone help, my family is concerned.

@@CCAndPinkie I'll help watch it with you

Brett Garcia Thanks brah

We wanted a cookie plainswalker, we got a gingerbrute

And I thought the squirrel dealer was the best card in the game

add a mayhem devil, an you can blow up your cookies

Plus makeshift munitions

Gingerbrute.

What about toggo?

Ginger bread men an make them explosive. 😅😂 Someone make it please

I mean, we have acorn catapult too

Gingerbrute...

Gingerbrute+Wings of Hubris Useless, but thematically spot on. Edit: No wait, Fling is a better match!

Cat Familiar and Witch's Oven. I rest my case. Exploding cats for everyone.

Despite the artwork, these food tokens taste terrible

Chaos confetti

selection bias and demographics

MtG is a gambling\lootbox game that's run by Wizards of the Coast. The cards you need are spread out over 10's of thousands you'd need to go through and you're guaranteed to lose because your opponent can get a deck that auto-win's before you play. They have an incredibly big problem where their MtG tournament judges are convicted pedophiles and Wizards doesn't care, they push SJW\Progressive\Socialist propaganda in their DnD line, and they will ban you and steal all the cards you paid for from your online account if you do something like calling out a Twitch THOT. Never buy Magic The Gathering or anything related to it whatsoever.

Dylan Mortensen omg yes

You mean the expensive earthcraft+ squirrel nest combo? xD

@@alledzebu1975 I love that deck

@@micahjohnson817 earthcraft is quite expensive tho :(

@@alledzebu1975 Of course, the big question is if fifteen squirrels can stop Emrakul

I have been eagerly awaiting the day this month when my tween cousins will travel to my place during vacation, so that way I can show off my Magic card collection while they still think it's cool.

@@DJcystrom when does magic stop being cool....

@@tenatin9627 ... Fair point. It depends on the person.

@@DJcystrom it stops being cool when you fight that one person who has way to much money and spends it all on a overpowered blue or blue splash anything deck one to many times

@@Draco9909 It also stops being cool when you have responsibilities and can no longer play with friends or spend money on new cards so on the rare occasions you can play everyone has all these new decks and you can't do anything because so many of the new cards are insanely powerful and almost outright busted. For me though it's when you go to deck tech and you open your binder only to find that 400+ dollars worth of cards have been stolen and now if you want to run the deck you were planning to play this week you have to buy the same cards you already had at 20x the price you originally paid because they are on the reserve list.

Just blue decks in a nut shell the h we in the magic community call it the cuck deck

Blue and white are a very good combination for that. Prisons, denials and taxes for days

Or if you just want to slap your opponents hands until they hurt

Fun is a limited resource: you get it by taking it from your opponent. Can you tell I play Blue-Black alot?

I have a blue deck in arena that I take out when I have a bad day and want everyone else to feel miserable as well. You basically muslligan till you have a unblocakble mermaid and curious obsession forbcard draw and after that its pure counter. If the enemy doesnt have any uncounterable spells and doesnt already have something on the field to defeat you with at turn 3 then he can just wait till its over.

Cool, I hadn't noticed that, actually I thought that the monster in the pocket represented Hearthstone's business model that eats all your money away

Green - Hammer time Or White - Collaborate and listen Well the mana were playing music at the time and it is where MY mind went instantly.

@LastTourniquet In my personal experience, red should say ‘fuk you, your monster is going to be destroyed the next turn it’s played’

@@maomao6023 No, that's black.

@chaosmastermind I said personal experience Not your experience

@Ethan Johnson I loved running a darksteel colossus "march of the machines" deck a while back...

THIS

agreed

totally agreed! even if he makes fun of the games, everyone knows it and they may still try those games.

Hell yeah, the last Veritasium video had such a creepy vibe in it, it was awful. I'm glad some people offering good content don't sell their souls and manage to get some good deals at the same time.

"I am Groot"

*"No you don't"*

What is “Lethal?”

...nevermind

Pot of Greed… Wait wrong game

I can definitely see a mono-red player giving Embercleave the okay...

Is it like Yu Gi Oh?

its nothing like yu gi oh

It's a *crap* guide. He never claimed it would be a good guide.

@@noban2603 I think the core concept is similar, though. You summon creatures too kill your opponent. Just saying.

@@burningadri6775 I mean not always. I play control, where i counter their spells until they concede, or eventually mill out

"Wow! An unstoppable play undone with a SINGLE CARD! Only in a 'children's card ga-' ... Ya know what? I play red-blue. I am not allowed to criticize." -Magnus the Red

@@tanall5959 well i mean, sure red blue is kinda cheap but still better than paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth-dimensional-hypercube-chess-strip-poker. Don't tell the emperor i said that though.

Red/blue is mean, especially in commander with Mizzix. “I go infinite and burn you to death at instant speed”

Ah the Izzet I just LOVE playing red/blueyou are aggro and control at the same time what could be more annoying?

“It’d be a shame if I enchanted my Nov-Mizzet with Curiosity, wouldn’t it?”

For me it's more about watching my opponent face as I point out that the 1/1 scute mob is now a 100/100 because they ignored it for 12 turns with me having 5+ lands and doubled the +1+1 counters on it and than give it on average for me +50+50 and trample. Pretty much at the time I attack it's block or take nearly 200 damage. I have an army of 1/2 plants.

@@ignisshadowflame1027 I like it, I do an infinite Siona combo where the opponents face an infinitely big Siona or an infinite amount of 1/1 soldiers

@@robswanson7853 I play it with support of 2/2 zombies from Liliana and 0/1 plants from Nissa. I do both at the same time.

Also flying. Also mill. Also quasi shifting things in and out of existence. Also driving your enemies insane, then making them forget they were even your enemy in the first place, as well as how to perform basic bodily functions and also just plain everything. Hence the saying "When in doubt, don't give it to blue."

@@Tezrak0 Fucking mill decks

@@aeaea2825 as a blue player, i hate mill decks. To me they take away everything being a blue player is about.

​@@Tezrak0 Wait this game is about summoning creatures?

@@Abornarazine What's a mill deck? I only recently began playing blue (made a custom deck out of the latest Jace deck, based around Proliferate and amass). (Btw, if you could like the comment so I know you replied, not looking for like handouts, but RU-vid doesn't show when people reply to me)

*Vedalken orrery* Now it's always my turn, BITCH!

Flamey josh? Is that you?

unless u playing blue, then every turn is your turn

My friend straight up had a five minute turn in commander. He had to break out a calculator at one point.

@@collinclohessy5173 5 minuites? Amature. Our resident combo player went off while noone had an answer so we went out, got McDonald's, came back and he was still going at it. He got his storm count up to about 337, with 3 different storm cards being copied 7 different times (we destroyed his thousand year storm earlier, thank goodness). I've still got a photo of the board state with a bunch of instants with counters on them.

Welcome to the gang.

I advoided it too. Now im 20. Me and my older bro got hooked this year by a friend of mine. Its better than Yugioh.

*J O I N U S*

"I am inevetable" -Magic the gathering

Pat pat

Why avoid it? The game ie awesome. I still have a deck a made around 15 years ago.

I noticed that, too! Good to know he's a G-fan.

Who?

@@drakeconsumerofsoulsandche5761 A giant golden three-headed space dragon, arch nemesis of Godzilla. In the new movie, the left head is a bit of a doofus.

Logan Earnest Left head’s name is Kevin and we all love him.

@@Brutzkrieg I need to get round to watching it

So what your saying is... That there is a unicorn bard?

All shall fall to my pony army!

I’m literally working on a deck that is All Pony, All the Time

​@@pinkwings8036 then i can proudly say that you're a man of utmost culture

What is wrong with the i at the start of inspiring

that fucking sheep

Blocking sheep doesn't work vs flying. Go angel, dude, you'll never go baaaahk.

Nyx-fleece ram in a nutshell

@@solidbison687 dayum boi she *THICCC*

that feeling when your 10/10 doesn’t have trample and a sheep chumpblocks it

Almost as if this is a crap guide

It is prettt simple to learn. Eapecially now. Play teferi then play other teferi and then durdle until you find a win con 20 minutes later.

Dude, the game is not complex at all. The only complexity is learning all the cards, which is a problem with any card games really! But the game itself is, indeed, simple.

I feel like it really depends on your deck. I have a few white green I could pass to any chump to learn the game, my esper deck though I'm still learning to play, and I built the thing.

@@christopherwoodbury7520 Pffft, scrub, you don't *need* a wincon, just deck your opponent out

Nariah Lisboa insert LOL add

If they were I would spend my time watching ads.

Adver-tainment!

The only other ads I like on RU-vid are the LucidChart ads.

@@Blossemfall And don't forget Flex products ads (ex:Flex Tape)

I mean, we already have explosive pies. That deal π damage.

Explosive Cookies ... WotC will add that in next year. 🍪💥👍

I can see that in an Un-set. Maro loves that shit.

[BSC] guttersnipe might just be an excellent baker, we don’t know

Well there is Eggs and Cheerios.

You will pay for your sins.

​@@Kmn483 Not if we counter you

Difference is the sponsorship is put upfront instead of being shoved down your throat randomly

this one have draws i like it

I thought the same thing! I also like the "Spoiler Owl" reference at 2:22

I too enjoy Flinging Lighting Coursers.

what about book burn

Don't forget direct damage. I used to have a blue /red freezerburn deck.

@@Sinyao direct damage such as fireballs, lightning and exploding goblins?

Mono red arclight phoenix best deck in the modern format. Prove me wrong.

Maybe next unset we'll get it.

Great, now I am thinking of that episode of TheRussianBadger.

I could totally see something like a Goblin Baker card that make tokens that explode.

Nope. It's gonna be a Mythic in a standard set. Calling it right here.

I can see it now Goblin Baker RR T: put a 0/1 cookie token with detonate on the field. Sacrifice goblin Baker it deals X damage to Target permanent, where X equals the number of cookie tokens you control.

Breaking News: Unstable Set gains its own tournament format

*laughs in literal gingerbread people cards in the new set*

It’s a common in a standard legal set

[[Grapeshot]]

Explosive wine..

Explosive veggies?

And hot soup!

But only assholes use explode grapes

JetBlackXtreme oh my GOD yes that needs to happen i wouldnt even mind if he roasted simic

*SQUALK* Snape kills Dumbedore!

He should do a series of all their modules ... starting with the lost mines.

If i ever get a random ad before a video and its jocat. I would watch the ad

At least he isnt running teferi tribal

At least it isn’t a mill deck

You can't. You can only get them by defeating Jo in a battle to the death.

@@FirstLast-cg2nk but wut about da muns?

Gutter snipe is not that dangerous.

Chad Mchugestrong

Squat Stabthrust

you mean 'bored.' stay in school, fucktard.

@@revolutionarycomrade when jocrap said it he said, & I QUOTE: "board" as in, the material! B-O-A-R-D Nothing about mood you zero IQ hippo who ate 10 to many burgers at midnight right after McDonald kicked you out for staying in after closing & wasting product, AKA you throwing out PERFECTLY GOOD food because "I wAsNT hUngrY AnyMorE" Not so revolutionary now, you piece o' twat

@@BjornIdiottsonn imagine getting triggered over a grammatical correction... 2020.

@@revolutionarycomrade shut the fuck up you slobbering pig

@@revolutionarycomrade dude, you called him a "Fucktard".

"If blocking sheep is sent to the graveyard or exile, create a 1/1 green sheep token, then return blocking sheep to the battlefield untapped. It gains haste for one turn.

Shrapnel Blast kinda makes an exploding cookie.

You can sacrifice it to gain a food token, and there's at least one creature that lets you sacrifice food tokens to deal damage.

No it’s Xol, will of the thousands, from destiny 2

Do you mean Bill?

My favourite Yu-Gi-Oh card is Black Lotus.

No Idea how that card works.

What does it do?

Is that the one that lets you draw 3 cards? I can never remember what it does for some reason.