A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Races 

Download: mega.nz/#!s5RAmS6D!USG3zCcZ_FPMFm1Z0wqwSFrHYsNK9mClMdVmCayr42U Instrumental: mega.nz/#!xsBCgYob!v5MbdnmkL3rmqyZPcdVRoAF4NTnhQJtGMsFd0cfOaBw Lyrics: genius.com/Jocat-a-crap-guide-to-d-d-races-lyrics Cami-Cat Cover: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-iNrXp881bSU.html

JoeCat presents: The Pokemon rap of Dungeons and Dragons.

I'm starting to believe that JoCat is actually just a level 20 bard.

You know what I find funny? The Tortle is referred to as a hermit immortal, which would make sense seeing as tortoises can live for a pretty long-ass time. But Tortles have a lifespan of about 50 years.

Best Part: Lovestory between elf-Paladin and Tiefling-Bard goes along.

This isn’t a race. This is a goddamn marathon

"Play me the Song of my people." "Which one?" "Yes."

Every time I listen to this and get to firbolgs, I remember the sheer confusion I caused in my party by playing a stereotypically-druid-like, hippy, nature-loving firbolg, who just so happened to be an artillerist and rather enjoyed taking any chance he could to pull out his eldritch cannon (we named it Edward)

I remember one time I made a tiefling cleric who’s whole personality was that he was a good Christian boi. The party called him “the worlds straightest tiefling”

Speaking of Kenkus, my Kenku bard crit failed their dex check and fell off a mountain. My dm quite literally said, "This is the first time in a really long time a Kenku has been airborne."

Confirmed Jocat is a dragonborn, because he just spit straight fire

WotC: gives me dozens of fantasy species with fleshed out lore Me: makes a regular pig except he's a water sorcerer named Hogwash

Loved all of these. I still go back and rewatch all these. Wish Jocat didn't get bullied into retirement he was an amazing content creator

I'll never forgive him for using James as the 'boring human' name.

Fans: "Man I loved how he rapped during the bard vid" JoCat: "Hold my sword and shield"

Commenting this under as many videos as I can in hopes JoCat will see it: Thank you for jumpstarting my love of D&D. Thank you for creating endlessly entertaining content that is easily accessible to all demographics. Thank you for making me laugh. When I have a bad day I often rewatch your videos just so I can smile again. I’m so sad to see you go but I completely understand why. I only hope life offers you peace because we live in an increasingly divided age where empathy and compassion are considered to be weak. Please never forget to be true to yourself because only you can define who you are. Never stop making the charming artwork that only you can create and keep being awesome. If you ever come back I will be your first subscriber. Thank you for everything and best of luck going forward. You will be missed.

Farewell, JoCat, may you be remembered forever in the annals of D&D history.

Almost all the races: interesting, have unique traits. Human: *O* *R* *D* *I* *N* *A* *R* *Y* Locathah: *F* *I* *S* *H*

As someone who almost exclusively plays humans, I feel called out.

Coming back to this four years later because I had to quote the Aasimar line to a friend.

0:22 aarakocra 0:30 aasimar 0:36 bugbear 0:45 centaur 0:50 changling 0:56 dragonborn 1:04 dwarf 1:10 elf 1:18 firbolg 1:26 genasi 1:31 githyanki, gith 1:37 gnome 1:45 goblin 1:52 goliath 1:59 half elves 2:06 half orc 2:13 halfling 2:20 human 2:55 hobgoblin 3:02 kenku 3:09 kobold 3:16 lizardfolk 3:23 loxodon 3:30 locathah 3:37 minotaur 3:44 orc 3:51 tabaxi 3:58 teifling 4:05 tortle 4:11 triton 4:18 verdan 4:25 yuan ti pureblood 4:33 kalashtar 4:39 shifter 4:46 simic hybrid 4:53 warforged 5:00 vedalken

He did it, he cured racism by showing that everyone can be just as OP but in different ways

“Oh boy. I really do love it when Jocat starts with a rap!” *Hears the beat continue in the title music* “Oh, am I in a treat today!”

Can't wait for the next rendition when Jo includes the races from Spelljamer, Fairies, Harengon, etc. etc.

It took me 3 years to figure out these are orderd alphabetically

JoCat, it was called a CRAP guide to D&D, not a RAP guide to D&D.

Someone: Hey if you do races you can keep the series up for a long time! JoCat: I'll do them all in one video. Someone: B-But that'll take hours! JoCat pulling out a mic: Did I stutter?

The ending was so organic as if he's dropped not a mic but a goddamn skyscraper

"Races hardly ever matter" *Laughs in Variant Human*

"Oooh, a short song, I always love those!" *intro ends* "Wait... it's still going?" *realization sets in* _"holy shit, the madman actually did it"_

Intro: Alright, cool intro idea. *continues after the intro* HOLY SHIT

Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jo, most of these descriptions are still correct (I choose to believe dragonborn are the product of dragons and horny bards)

Guy: How are we going to make D&D characters that are more interesting!? Other Guy: How about we follow all the stereotypes from this song...but do them the opposite, like a super unlucky halfling, or a kind yuan-ti pureblood, or a warforged that can somehow feel emotions? Everyone: ".....WRITE THAT DOWN!!! WRITE THAT DOWN!!!"

“What’s your music tastes like?” “It’s...complicated”

You know, he could just made it into a whole "dnd races" series to milk those views. He didn't. Instead he put all of them in one video that is also kickass song. JoCat,the absolute madlad, love You forever

is no one going to talk about how cute he draws goblins and kobolds?

I listen to this and Spooky Slice at least once a week. I'm sorry you're going Jo. I hope you find peace and happiness, no matter where you find yourself.

The line about half-elf backstories made me want to play a half-elf who'd be all overdramatic about like "I'm a child of two worlds... My mother was a brewer, and my father... was a baker."

JoCat, your inner bard is showing with those fire lyrics

Unironic banger. The chorus pops in my head out of nowhere sometimes, so I'm just working, carrying planks and hitting nails and just suddenly start singing about fantasy races lol

Aaah, bingewatching JoCat - who's with me?

I get it now, I understand creativity, I'll make the most unique character ever... Human fighter

*Intro* Haha, that was a really clever intro with a nice beat *Title card* Oh cool, they fused the beat and the title theme too, this episode is fun already *Rapping continues* Oh. OH.

I’m completely new to DnD and my friend who plays sent this to me. I was NOT expecting a rap video 😂😂 amazing

Yooooo, I did not expect a rap to the melody of bo burnhams "rant", that is seriously impressive!

You forgot the best race “sentient sword and shield”

This was a Christmas Present that no one asked for, but everyone wanted.

We're off to the races in this one🔥

I play a half elf bard, and yes my back stories come from stupid places All worth it to have extra skills and points

Let’s be honest, this song should be available for more than just RU-vid.

When he said "Locatha is a fish, straight up just a fish, litterally a fish", I felt that

I live for the dynamics between the Bard and the Paladin

A stupid character idea I had was a Dragonborn war forged. Dad was a human, mom was a dragon complications made it so they couldn’t have kids so they infused me with magic

Damn, these lyrics are so lit that my phone is overheating.

Paladin to Bard: You could've just asked Bard: Blushes Me: Why does this hit home?

Ok. I knew this was a flex. I was not prepared for HOW MUCH of a flex this was. Also cracked up by Jocrap declaring himself a simic hybrid.

That harmony chorus is fucking amazing it tickles my brain just right

"muscles are in" Me, a weird half-orcish wizard with -2 strength: Well, yes, but actually no.

Everyone: You can’t make one short video for all of the races JoCat: They said it could not be done They said it was designed for a series They said I could not make it smaller and more accurate T H E Y W E R E W R O N G

the bo burnham rant sample brings it all together

Best video on RU-vid. ….. love you JoCat

Lizardfolk are so fun to play. "hey, do you need a hand in there?" "no, I'm not hungry"

Dis guy is a dragonborn, cause he straight spitting fire.

This is the single greatest video on youtube, holy god how is it accurate and mostly rhymes

I didn’t know I wanted a rap about the races of d and d. Until I had one

So I took a look at Aasimar yesterday and learned that Dark Aasimar isn't even the most edgy option for them. There's a subrace called Aasimar Scourge who are so overflowing with light they burn themselves alive. Whenever you activate your angel powers you deal half your level in radiant damage to yourself and everyone around you *every single turn*. The flavor text literally says that light pours out of your eyes and mouth. It's metal as fuck.

Im tempted to make a warforged clerk just to use a warhammer 40k adeptus mechanicus tech priest as my character mini

I've always wanted to make a nerdy minotaur just to defy the stereotype. He'd be an artificer who loves to tinker but has trouble with his huge fingers and is easily distracted by a random gizmo because he wants to learn everything about it. He will spend ages examining booby traps in dungeons and yapping about it. He wears a jeweler's monocle for precision work and never goes anywhere without his toolbox. I named him Edward.

*come back and talk to me when you learn real power* _swords and shields aggressively_

Jocat: "Humans are boring." Me: *Looks at the real world.*

I tried to make a character from the extended races (IE: Fairy) and boy oh boy... is it weird to try and build a tiny character that can't hold 2-Handed weapons, can't wear anything heavier than leather, and has a racial ability that lets you float. Gosh, floating is weird. Nevermind having a grid you have to move around, when you start having to worry about height it gets even worse.

*Video starts* Oh cool another rhyming intro. I love when these happen. *Video continues* I asked for too much and I'm welcome.

1:12 In my head: Why does that elf have a 420 shirt? Ooooh, HIGH elves Nice one

So, my first D&D character is a Human rogue that's trying to convince everyone that she's a Halfling.

Humans may seem boring but in a world of exotic creatures, humans being one of the few races that actively are adventurous and willing to leave a lasting legacy on the world alone is enough to be more interesting.

Man… your videos are something else ! So happy I stumble upon your work, made my day

Crush: So what's your favorite music genre? Me: *Sweats profusely* Rap?

Everybody else: Wow, I can't believe he rapped about every dnd race! Me crying and holding my grung plush: *yeah, all of them*

I constantly come back to this just to jam out to the song XD

Seen your videos before, and used them to help me be a DM for the first time. So far my first campaign has gone well. I've given you my sub finally for how awesome your content is. Thank you.

Everyone: humans are overused and boring Me the literal only human in the entire party or a 5 mile radius: *ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?*

Nobody: Me at 3 am listening to this for the 317th time: *THE RACES ARE* almost *IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER!*

Still holds up. Still miss you, man.

Love these guides! Thanks for all your work to create them!

D&D 5E: *Has a million races* JoCat: "Imma end this man's whole career."

Now, all we need now is a catchy beat for when you go over the alignments.

I don’t even like D&D but I can’t stop coming back to this song.

The amount of songs in this series is so many. it’s amazing

Things I love: - Jocat - This Song - Jocat spitting fire - Paladin x Bard... & sword and shield. That's all. Perfection.

This man has more legendary actions than a tarrasque

I liked the intro rap. Until it never stopped. Then I loved it.

that music is kinda of a banger.

The man literally turned what should have been a 30min video into a 5min video by rapping Fucking legend

Me: what I want for Christmas is a crap guide to all the- Jocat: *"YOU'RE WELCOME"*

A friend of mine showed me JoCat as were planning our own dnd session and once I noticed how fire that rap was you better believe that I cranked it up and started singing along

Gith are probably the most interesting DND race ever, they are so different and interesting. BG3 did a ton to flesh them out but I made a Githyanki/Githzerai before the game and she is awesome! A star druid too, which totally fits with their plane shifting.

I still don't see why my character can't be 3 goblins

Me: Nah, I'm not really into rap JoCat: Posts this video Me: Never in my life I needed something so much and never known until I received it

I’m surprised no one blatantly pointed out the fact this is a Bo Burnham reference. I absolutely loved this, everyday I learn more of my interests have a lot of overlap with others.

Thank you for acknowledging shifters