a five minute rant about hard decisions (and nyc) 

Listen to your heart.

I moved from Nor Cal to LA in 1992. I lasted 10 years and moved back to Nor Cal because I loathed living in LA. I'm now in Sonoma County and absolutely feel "at home" here. It is so beautiful here and the ocean is less than an hour away. I hike, ride my bike, explore cute new towns, take short getaways to the coast. I lost my husband six years ago, so living here on one income isn't easy. Your kids will be happy wherever they end up. I was an Air Force brat and I truly believe change is good. Hugs.

I did EastCoast -> WestCoast -> EastCoast and never regretted coming back. It is hard to put a price on feeling at home and like you belong to a place. I am in NewEngland and it’s been 3 years since we came back and it still delights me to hear Boston Accents. I feel like “these are my people”.

I understand this so much. I hated living in CA, it was never home. I remember watching your excitement about moving there and thinking, I hope it's better for her. I wish it had been a happier landing for you, and I'm sorry you miss so much of your old life. I look forward to seeing how you resolve it. Because I know you will. As an aside, I spent the entire pandemic searching out videos of people who live in NYC, apartment hunting videos, life in NY videos, I still do. I wish I had moved there in my 20's, but alas, I did not. I'm upstate now, in cow country, but that's ok because it's home.

I'm a single mom, who has been in Park Slope since 2004. My sons are now 23 and 19. I've been a member of the Park Slope Food Coop since I moved here, and last week I walked about 12 people home from the coop (my shift was a walker), and each and every person had a good story or something unique and interesting about them. I don't usually find that anywhere else. I remember when my kids were sandbox age, and I would sit in Prospect Park Harmony playground and inevitably strike up a conversation with someone interesting. The best thing about Brooklyn is there are so many of these interesting people and even if one's personal life isn't optimal, it cuts the loneliness a lot. Plus there are amazing food options everywhere, even half a block from my apartment. NYC is both hard to move into and hard to move out of, so if you come back, expect lots of bumps, but it could be worth it. The one downside is how climate change will affect us - if there is severe flooding - and also we are getting the crappy air a lot from Canada these days. I am afraid that the value of my nest egg (apartment) will be decimated by another Hurricane Sandy.

Your kids will be fine wherever you are fine. They are much more resilient than we think.

Deep melancholy. Speaks to me.

A very hard struggle and decision indeed. Follow your gut instinct’s, and remember you must find your happiness too. I sacrificed my happiness, sense of my own community, for my kids. They grew up, and here I am stuck, in the last place I want to be.

May this be the comment that launches monetization! Thanks for reminding people in your Patreon video today, that the disabled community, including myself, are still in danger of losing their lives, and isolated due to the pandemic. I wish you ease & clarity in your decision/direction.

I hope you go back. I'm a California girl and I can hundred percent tell that you're not you're not !!! Lol. I think you'd happier. I spent 5 days in New York City one time visiting my friend who sang at the metropolitan opera. I saw a Broadway show. I went to times square. It's okay but I'm a California girl . People in New York are more friendly in some ways more talkative in some ways. But you've always struck me as a New York lady

I feel your melancholy Elizabeth and my heart goes out to you! I have been following you since you moved to Calif. I grew up in southern Calif and live in San Diego. It’s such an urban sprawl and making connections is not easy. Having visited NYC I can appreciate the things you miss. I really hear your heart saying you want to move back. Such tough decisions for you and your kiddos. You are so amazing. I trust your heart will lead you to the best place for you and your kiddos. ❤❤

Having grown up in So Cal and moved to London in my 30’s, I understand completely the lack of anything to do in So Cal. Living in a city made me feel ALIVE, unlike anything I’d heretofore experienced. Though I’m back in So Cal, I desperately miss the “aliveness” of city living…

Thanks!

ugh! hard decision for sure!! Sending you some kind thoughts and love as you juggle all the moving parts of this. (no pun intended) You have good people around you, they can help. You'll make the right decision for the right moment...just as you did when moving to CA. You needed to be there during the pandemic.

Find a place that offers what your children need and what you need. A common ground ... Easier said than done...but possible. It's not good for you, or your kids for you to be so unhappy. Wish you the best. You will find your way...

Because of family issues and my dad’s work, we moved almost every year. We came back to home base (Houston) periodically, and I moved to Houston for college. Since I lived in roughly 20 cities/countries by the time I settled down and got married, I have moved 3 times in 35 years, all within a 10-mile radius. I want to share this about moving as a kid: there were good things and bad things about every place we lived, and I learned so much about what was important to me. I would never want to live in any of those places now, because I love where I am. As a kid, it felt like I moved from one practice home to another. I knew I would have choices as an adult, and I was sad every damned time to leave friends, but now the ones I really loved are still my friends! Please don’t live in a practice home as an adult for the sake of your kids - their turn to choose will come! It’s your turn now. The most most most important thing to them is to be with you. So be the most powerful, happiest you that you can be in the place where you are most powerful and happiest. Your sharing your life is such a gift - thank you. ❤

In my opinion, which is of course meaningless, I feel that you are at your answer, essentially. I can see the clear longing in you and honestly your rationale seems perfectly solid to me. The rest is just logistics...and priorities. But I am only an internet stranger - hi! I'll be interested to see where you go from here. I hope you have a wonderful day.

1-Before you said “nostalgia” I was wondering about that possibility. 2-Every time I think I need to fly, I end up giving up. I get overwhelmed. 3-I have these feelings of melancholy and longing. Sometimes specifically and sometimes abstract. 4-You’re so brave to share. It’s not a rant (IMO). I think you’re processing. Just keep going. 5-I want to be inspired by you though I KNOW I used to be able to self inspire. 6-The atmosphere in the country over the last years (how many?) …whew!! … losing (lost?) myself in the pain. Lonely blue dot. #FrustratedCreativeClub

When we moved to San Francisco we chose to live in the city even though a commute out of the city was required for work. The burbs are the burbs. You could be anywhere. A city is a living thing and LA is so sprawling I don’t think you get the same feeling as in other cities. Your kids are young and they will be ok with a move. If Mom is happy it will make a huge difference in their lives too.

My thought is that your kids will thrive wherever you plant them. Because they will have YOU. Have you thought about what culture you would rather raise your kids in? You say here that they like where they are, but are there aspects about NYC culture that you miss and you would like for them live?

When I listen to all the reasons you state for a NYC way of life, I hear from you: I CRAVE COMMUNITY. You even listed the shared struggle as a pro, not con. The CA way of life, inclusive of our most dense cities, is not to commune, share, see or know our neighbors. It's all privacy fences and tinted car windows. I presume much of the community you have experienced in CA is a side benefit of your identity as a parent--not in and if itself, nor your identity as YOU a whole separate person. That's possibly where the nostalgia piece comes in. Are you nostalgic for the NY way of life, or the Elizabeth you were in that place and time?

The answer is simple , You are lucky to have kids, live the family life wile they are around you , ‘cause it won’t last long . One day , they will be gone on their own and you will feel the emptiness. Your real friends will always keep you in their hearts,,, You will find new places and new things to do over time and you will learn to appreciate the changes, That’s the beauty of life, it always evolve into something new . And the best is that wisdom comes over time and it makes you a better and most beautiful person Tu es encore très jeune,,, et beaucoup de temps devant toi !

Uggggg that’s heavy

Is there a more walkable community with more hustle and bustle bustle around? My oldest went to college in LA and loved it, but after she had a car she hated the traffic so much. (And she missed autumn colors and coolness)

Some thoughts as my heart goes out to you. I get the sense that this is a decision you may need to make quickly given your previous comments. Nevertheless, some ideas. When time is of the essence, it's most important to slow the anxiety down inside. Sit in silence and ask good questions of yourself and observe your body's reactions, which is your truth meter. What thoughts give expansion, a sense of openness, freedom. What thoughts constrict. As Martha Beck says, you’ll know the oceans bc it tastes of salt and you'll know truth bc it tastes like freedom. You can love something and want it to be better or want to leave it. Imagine both scenarios and ask Yourself which one feels like health, which one feels like growth. Go deeper. Ask, what do I need to be my healthiest and grow into the person I'm becoming? Observe what comes up. Your Self knows what is needed and what next step to take. The best movement comes from inspired action. A Pull. A longing. A deep knowing and desire to follow a curiosity, pull, that may make no logical sense at the time. Start with yourself before considering kiddos. Your health and your growth are what will give them the next best life. The answer is in stillness and calm and openness to what your Self needs and wants deeply. Because of trauma, culture, and a disconnect between body and head we often can't access our truth. Try to reconnect body and mind as you imagine scenarios, as you ask questions in quiet. Access the wisdom inside you. She knows. You can slow down the sense of time speeding up right now. You have time and it's always the right decision when it comes from inspired action taken by our deepest knowing of what is trying to grow in us. The most successful entrepreneurs change their environments often because it stimulates new growth, ideas and energy. You can love Cal, and need to move forward towards your next good thing. In fact once you tap into that quiet knowing inside, that quiet confidence and assurance that the next step is coming from your deepest self, you'll understand why it's good for your kids as well. It will all click. The direction is found in slowing down time, going within, observing your body's reactions to your thoughts about the scenarios, and deep quiet so you can hear. When you emerge take that first step that feels like health and growth. Growth will feel scary as you know. You've done this many times. Trust that voice inside. It's steering you to your next best thing. Xo

I remember when you relocated to California, one of the reasons was because of finances. I am not privy to the difference between California and NYC but is that feasible?

Not that you’re not extremely busy already, but you might need to create the group/support system you are seeking. Don’t mean to be suggesting something you’ve already considered, “No, duh.” There are some great museums in the LA area, LACMA, Getty, Broad (I know that one has major downside), Norton-Simon in Pasadena, Huntington Library. Those may be too far for a day trip? Doesn’t Orange County have any theater, South Coast Reperstory? I moved from NY area to Arizona 20+ years ago. I still miss it. Sometimes for nostalgic reasons. It is a lot easier financially and living-wise for us to raise our family here, even when compared to our NJ suburb. But we also have a family support system here. You are a single mom. If your support system is in NY that may be a deciding, over-riding factor for you.

Please move back to New York! There is an energy there that compares to none. I think your children would love it more now that they are older.

You’re kind of like your own psychologist. Lol. You’ll figure it out.

So rude to delete comments only meant to be helpful. What'd I say?

Thanks!