A Productivity Expert’s Advice for Finding Love Faster 

I've never understood the whole 'if I ask my partner to do this loving action for me and they do it, then it loses its sincerity...' Like yes, we may wish for that love expression to be spontaneous and bursting forth from a love wellspring... BUT it's even more beautiful, I think, when that action comes unnaturally to someone and they do it anyway to make you happy. That IS expressing real love. (Even if it means they have to remember to deliberarely give you a hug, or write you a note, etc.)

Really loved the beginning part where Matt talked about his wedding and how being married feels now and then Ali discussing the proposal process for his current girlfriend and how it was more fulfilling on average for people to be married and have families and he was striving for that ultimate happiness in life.

Ali is such a lovely blend of being wildly intentional and frank about it but somehow not seeming overly intense.

I recently heard about accepting regrets and how that could be useful. In the kid v no kids debate I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having kids. I can live with that regret

Valuable advice! 👌 I follow you both, and I'm glad we have another chance to listen to your great minds. Such an enjoyable conversation, full of life-changing insights!

Excited to watch this one !! Love Ali:)) and ur such a great interviewer!

Two of my favorite RU-vidrs! Great discussion. I appreciated Matthew's clarifying the advice to "lower the bar" - it's more like keeping an open mind, not settling for people of lower character. Also got such a kick out of how much Ali *genuinely* loves sitting with his girlfriend working separately on laptops - so adorable.

Unfortunately I know too many people who actually DO regret having children. Doesn’t mean they don’t love them, but after experiencing parenthood they realized they probably would’ve done things differently. That’s my personal fear

You did a really great job, thanks a lot for sharing! I wish you all a happy holiday and have a great coming year! 👍🥰🙏🎁❤🎉

Wow Ali is anywhere. I have just watched him from Mark Manson channel and now Ali is here. Thank you Matthew for having him. ☕🍹

I normally listen but this was a great podcast to watch! Loved the vibe between you two and Ali coming in strong with the stats!

Such a great video! I randomly saw his book on the Goodreads app and added it to my Individual Development Plan for work this year. Full circle here and good stuff!

Thanks for the video! Love these type of fireside chat interviews. Always so much wisdom!

My two absolute favourites in one frame…much needed ; thank you so much for this ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Brilliant discussion. I was captivated 😊

I am halfway watching this podcast, and I really loved it, such insightful content. Thank you both 👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️

Very valuable input from both of you and beautiful green background!

This is such a wonderful episode! I bought your book!

This is so good. Loved it! Ali is such a sensible and amazing person.

Beautiful conversation through and through. Much appreciated. As a happily married woman I will continue to listen to these podcasts for their wisdom.

I'm a guy and I'm always interested whenever I see a video of Matt's pop up, I'd love if you did put out the odd video from a male perspective, because you seem like such a balanced guy, but totally appreciate that this channel is geared towards women. Also loved Ali, seen his face around loads but have never watched anything with him, but will be subscribing. Thank you

This was a brilliant collaboration! Two of my favourite RU-vidrs! 😁

Some great pieces of advice here!

It’s good to see 2 guys who know what they want in life and take steps to make it happen. Meanwhile there are irresponsible people who procreate and don’t want the obligation to care for their children.

Really enjoyed listening guys, can't wait to read the book! Just got it delivered today 😁

One of your greatest episodes Matthew!, loaded with eye-opening yet soft insights. Thank you Matthew. And Ali, it's really been a pleasure listening to you talking about the art of relationships...Not an episode, it's been a full experience.

The stats also say that for women it is better to stay unmarried and childless than for men ;))) Men (traditionally) get a carer, housekeeper, child bearer etc. which enhances their lives while women (traditionally) put a lot of burden upon themselves - another job, basically.

Such a powerful podcast, so many great ideas and practical advice!

what an insightful poignant and brilliant conversation - one of the best, thank you!

I totally agree with you, Matthew on the subject of kids! Thanks for your honesty. A married couple can still be happy without children. Not everybody has to procreate. Kids are more worry than joy.

I shared this with my 26 year old nephew 👍🏻

As a guy who has done my inner work like Matt and Ali, where do I find women who have done their work. I don't meet them on the apps?

what an uplifting podcast episode :) I liked especially when they talked about the fact that people should be the ones to explain to their loved ones the ways they want to be loved, appreciated and taken care of. None of us are able to read minds and it is unfair to expect that from the other person. I love this idea.

Thanks so much for this ❤️ please do a podcast with James Sexton! You would be soooo good together!! ✨

Good to see you here Ali

SUPERB content - THANK YOU SO MCUH !!

This was so good

Great discussion Thanks a lot for sharing! 😊🥰

I am so happy men like you help people realize how important relationships are!

I love Matthew with all my heart

I love how sparkly Matt looks! After seeing him dull in the last couple of years, I'm so happy how his happiness shines thru!

My favorite two RU-vidrs

Love you guys together.

OMG, I was just thinking, where can I find guys like Ali and Matthew just said it 😂. Never met someone in the dating scene that has this approach

very impressed in how this guy thinks and his view to everything waw!

I have seen more women not want kids/regret kids but more men want kids, so I don't understand their last 10min at all. Statistically speaking, women's lives and careers are far more affected by their children.

The vibe between you two- allegedly

thank you

I find this interesting. Most are trying to meet their prospective partners via a dating app and these two give advice about how to do that yet both found their partners not online. Again just interesting.

Dear Matthew, Would you by chance be going on tour and do public speaking this year?

Do I really want to speed up the process though? Haven’t watched yet but I’ll update when I’m done.

I must say, it sounds like there's this perception in which women are certain they want kids and men do not and think about this in a very non-emotional/rational way. But there are so many woman like myself who LOVE kids, who get along AMAZING with kids, who know they will be GREAT PARENTS, and are very much connected to emotions, yet still do not feel the need to have kids, are just like Matthew - are scared that this will "interupt" their lives in a way that is too hard. We also struggle at dating because of it. And this becomes even worse when we feel like there's a "timer" on our bodies, and not all of us feel comfortable with the idea of undergoing an eggs perservation procedure, because that is scary too. Very fraustrating.

Congratulations on your marriage Mathew.

I found this really interesting. I will definitely be taking an attitude of playfulness in the future, I think that is so helpful. I would disagree though on the points of comparing a business to having a child, from the perspective of a 25 year old woman who doesn't want kids. I have met people who love their children deeply, but still regret the choice of parenthood. It is all consuming. With a business, you can close it eventually, if it's not working. You can move on. With children you can't, they are tied to you forever. Also I've noticed there is a lot of shame around parents who regret having children or wish they'd done it differently, it's taboo to talk about.

On the topic of children: it is a bit painful to just assume that all women are dying to have kinds and that is the "normal". There are women who have doubts just like (some!) men do and feel really unseen. Plus - the entire children situation is SO different for men or women, so the answers also depend on that. Moreover, such regrets are taboo so people don't express them freely. They are hard to admit even to themselves, let alone share them honestly with others. The point being: please, don't overgeneralise.

I think the difficult thing with communicating our needs isn't so much that now the other person is doing what we asked for because we asked for it, but the fear that we'll communicate our needs and they continue to go unmet. There's something very vulnerable about telling another person what we need to feel Loved, and when we do that, and the needs still go unmet, the implication is that the other person doesn't Love us enough to want us to feel Loved. It feels like passive devaluation that could have been avoided by simply not being vulnerable. I've already decided that if I'm afraid to feel vulnerable with a person, then they're the wrong person, but not everyone feels like they'd rather stay single than be in an unfilfilling relationship; some people would prefer to stay in a relationship just so they don't have to be single. I don't know wha't's so scary about being single! I like being the only person responsible for how I feel or for the messy kitchen! I'd prefer to spend my time pursuing my intersts than trying to communicate my needs to someone who doesn't care.

It is quite different for men to talk with their guy friends who weren't sure about kids than having an honest convesation with women willing to share their experiences. Some men may be hesitant to have kids, but then ars surprised at how much they enjoy being a father, while the women who grew up with the idea of being a mother often have to face the reality that they pick up an uneven distribution of the work.

It's definitely wrong to say there is no one who regrets having kids. There are sooo many people especially women. And i as a women have the exact same struggle as matthew. I don't lile alis "women and men are different species" type of thinking

Congratulations with your marriage!

Can someone kindly timestamp me the part where ali abdaal mentioned about being ourselves vs having a mindset to grow ourselves? I've heard it but I cant find it, thank you!

Why can’t we all just be ourselves is a bad Criticism! If yourself is a lazy couch potato ordering door dash and playing call of duty all day it’s time to not be yourself hahahha ! People should have the freedom to do what they want as long as they know the price and consequences.

I'm literally in the same boat as Matthew when it comes to having children idea. I'm not in a relationship, but im nervous to date someone because I'm not sure where i stsnd on the idea. Right now I say no 100% but I don't know if i want to date someone who doesn't want kids in case I change my mind and vice versa. I want a home and husband, but I dont know if i can commit to giving up my freedom.

When i hear all these gurus saying that being married in general much better than not being married, it adds more pressure to me as a single, 34-year old female. It’s simply difficult to find someone, it feels sad and being pressured at the same time. Sometimes I wonder if this sense of added pressure comes from all these videos of gurus (and seemingly successful ppl) - implying that having a good partner is a prerequisite to a happy life.

44:23 Guys are turned off by a woman being: -criticism -controlling -closed off Women are turned off by men who make them feel: -unsafe -unseen -not understood

ayo wait sec… drop the Notion template

I think you should speak your mind in a loving manner ALL the time. Don't wait 2-4 weeks before you do this.

I wish, as an asexual person who struggles to find another ace of any gender to date (I'm pan-romantic), i just really wish the advice related to giving people you don't find initially attractive more of a chance could possibly apply to help make dating easier for us. We are attracted to each other's personalities but most of us aren't swiping on apps based on looks. And we're just struggling so much lol. Edited to add: I do think the numbers approach might help us. Feeling empowered like we know we're doing everything we can to tip the odds in our own favor, finding a way to enjoy the journey like finding all the dating app annoyances humorous... that might help

We all need to over come the conditioning that makes us over value the gift wrapping.

I’ve never heard of the 3 c’s and the 3 u’s before, but that is so interesting and really clicked with me. I would be really curious if you’ve ever read or heard the work of Laura Doyle - she has REALLY helped me to work through my need to be controlling in my relationship.

57 20 minutes in. Excellent conversation regarding connection and knowing our own needs... people are not psychic we must have self-awareness,and communicate so our partner knows what to dospecifically.... so that they may offer us the care we're seeking from them.

Lol this video caused me so much anxiety.

About being seen as "creepy," for me a lot of that has more to do with the body language and the feeling that goes with anything you say or do. A sincere, respectfully expressed compliment, that isn't said for purposes of manipulating someone, will be for most women, acceptable and pleasant, and may even attract her to you. But there's a world of difference between that and someone who says it like he expects something as a result eg, "I said she's beautiful, now she is supposed to be flattered and attracted to me" and often accompanied by a stare or invading personal space - that is creepy. Trust me, most of us can tell the difference, and if you think about it, so could you. Just respect that person you're attracted to, in both words and actions. Some women may not know the difference, but that'll screen them out for you :)

#Oppenheimertheory observation is action

Mathew could you do a podcast with Susan Winter?

LOVE IS NOT SEX ….

I would think these ideas do not apply to those of us who have found ourselves dating very unexpectedly at the age of 63...these suggestions aren't really applicable to people who are in their twilight years (?)

Nobody wants to FIND love. As the philosopher Slavoj Zizek says, we want to FALL in love. We want to be found. We want to fight it. And still fall - for the wrong person.

A marriage contract isn’t building its more of binding insurance and security for the woman…good luck

💜💜💜

Wow…I have been looking for an independent, strong minded man who appreciates the same. I really hoped this last guy would be that…but he wasn’t 😢 Everyone needs to approve of the woman in his life

Yikes... Early in the interview Ali was successful in making me feel down and out about the value and meaning of my life. No family or relationship in my 40s.

I enjoyed this video but I don’t agree with the position of “women all going for the same man” I think men are all lookin for that “OnlyFans” look and when normal or “average” women like them they tend to ignore them.

Guys holding fish dating profile pictures.

❤❤❤

I don't like when the guy has a black and white picture, because it seems like he is trying to hide something.

Why do we want our partners to be mind readers. I want you to want to do the thing that matters to me.

his advice is go on 2 dates per week? hahaha, it is more like 2 dates per year LOL

Exactly. "Just be yourself" is the most destructive advice possible. It basically means doing nothing. Yet somehow expecting the results you want even though it has never worked out before. Getting the results you want means, DON'T be yourself. You MUST change. You have to do extensive research what the men want that you want. You have to become more feminine and less masculine. You have to lose weight. You have to pursue instead of waiting on a chair forever. Stop being entitled, stop thinking you are special, stop complaining and blaming men and stop making excuses for your own poor behavior. Start taking accountability and responsibility and CHANGE. You are what you attract.

I love Ali, but man, he isnt the easiest to listen too. I do sub too him but man, he speaks too fast. I get rattled listening to him after a bit.

16 minutes in... such a tone deaf discussion between 2 blokes .. that's not how it happens for women entrepreneurs, guys, they are usually not supported by their partners, maybe only 5% of them,, their are studies done; and comparing dating with choosing secretaries is... plain .. wrong. Tone deaf !

What a toxic thing to say that ppl r happier when they've achieved a family. Wtf!! And to add "numbers"?? This gimuy is just selling his work. I love Matthew, but this other guy is wrong in so many things he says here. So narrow-minded.

@Matthew, it seems you don't know what to do.....your perspective was quite selfish...

ohhh love @aliabdaal! The way he constantly seeks for the ways of improving himself is so inspiring :) He is literally creating the life he wants, such a nice person!

Thank you so much for this information. I decide to start dating again in 2024, so I´m going take the diferents steeps Ali mention. Let´s see what happens. I truly believe that I can match to a man looking for commitment and a LTR. First steep: speak English fluently!