Against Grieving in Silence | Rachel Stephenson | TEDxCUNY 

There is such a stigma around death and it makes me so angry. We just lost our 4 year old son Mikey on 6/10/19. Mikey was born with a very severe congenital heart defect. He went in for his 18th heart surgery and it went horribly wrong. He suffered a massive bleed and was left brain dead. My husband and I took him off life support the following day. All we heard from family and friends was to move on and they told us what we could and could not handle. We didn't listen. We stayed with Mikey in ICU and bathed him, took out his IVs and got his dressed. After Mikey was moved to the funeral home, we got him dressed even though everyone told us not to because he had had an autopsy and "we didn't need to see that". I'm so glad we didn't listen to them. I did the eulogy with my husband, three friends and Superman. Mikey went out like a hero. My husband and I were his Pallbearers along with Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and Captain America. We stayed with Mikey through out the end. We talk about him every day, brother and sister watch videos of him. I don't know why people don't talk about death. We love you Mikey. 💙❤💙❤💙

I grieve and mourn when I’m alone. I always feel sad, scared and lost. A piece of me is gone.

I just lost my Beloved son December 18, & I feel so alone ^ Isolated. People I know, so called friends are just avoiding me. It really hurts. My heart is Shattered & I don't know how to live life moving forward from my horrific loss.... 😢😢😢💔💔 But yesterday I made up my mind, that I'll be damned if I grieve in Silence, I WILL TELL MY STORY EVEN IF IT MAKES OTHERS UNCOMFORTABLE...I HAVE THAT RIGHT & my Sons Legacy must be Carried on.... 💙

I lost the love of my life earlier this year . I'm 27. I feel that my heart is struggling to make it every day every day is a battle. . I just hope that this pain won't be here for the rest of my life

Thank you Rachel. A mentor told me that when my daughter was killed, "If you don't weep, your body will." I did not grieve silently. I told my story over and over and over again and, at times, in a great torrent of tears. Repressed grief takes an enormous toll. Physically, mentally and spiritually. Giving grief a voice is the process for healing. Wrapping you in hugs of gratitude, peace and light.

My Mother died May 2nd 2019 She is all I know. So, I know what it is like to lose a mom. My dad died before. But my mom is my whole world!!! God is Able

Some of us were forbidden to grieve as children... "stop crying or I will give you something to cry about" The last thing a grieving child needs is something else to cry about.

I lost my dad 2 weeks ago and I prefer to grieve alone because I find that people disturb my mind in this process i just want to be alone until I learn to accept that I’ll be living my time on earth for now without my great dad. I don’t want my grief to be heard. Good ted talk though !

I really appreciate your story. I lost my Mom 06/2018 & my Dad 11/2018. The pain hurts.

My girlfriend, and mother of my 9 month old daughter, died 3 weeks ago. I haven't had the slightest urge to talk to any family or friends about it. When I'm not at work I sit in my room and just think about her. I don't know if secluding myself is healthy but I feel like nobody will understand what I'm feeling. She was my everything. I am thinking about going to a grief support group, maybe that'll help me cope. I just don't want to talk to anyone right now. Nothing has ever hurt me like this in my life. Losing your lover and best friend is the worst feeling.

thank u silence is the worst part of the grief I have endured recently x

I feel that my boyfriend has died a second death because no one talks about him with me, no one says his name. It makes the journey so lonely and I can't afford to be hurt anymore so I don't open up. I lost him in November 2015 and my world has contracted since then. I wish I could open up more but I don't know how, I don't have the words to articulate how devastating my loss is. I'm all for being open in grief but it takes a willingness from all parties to do this. As you found with your dad if others refuse to engage it can be so difficult to know what to do or say.

Thank you for your talk. I got so much from it. I’ve been struggling with grief so much. I understand your father’s story. 2020, the worst year of my life. My father died January 2020, then my brother died in March 2020, but the hardest was the death of my beautiful eldest daughter Sarah. She was 31 years of age. She died on the May, 2020. She had been a support to me while I was dealing with the deaths of my father and my brother. I had no idea I was going to loose my baby girl. The pain in overwhelming. I don’t know how I’m going to move forward, but I do know I’m going to talk about my grief and about the people I have lost. Most of all my Sarah. Thank you! Diane

My dad died in March 2020. Most of men in the family live until thier 90's. My dad was 74. He died of Covid-19. But that would not have been deadly had his heart been intact. His father died 14 years ago. His father lived in Boston and my father lived in California. My dad flew back and forth every weekend for two months. The last month he spent every momentt with my grandfather. He took care of his dad who was dying of cancer. The day after my grandfather died, dad had a heart attck. Afterwards he ate right and jogged everyday. He did well on the stress tests and even ran a 5K four months before he died. On the outside he was healthy. He never talked about his father to me after he died. Instead he tried to become him. My grandfather was gramp to my sister and I. My father was gramps to my son. His father read Dickens to him during Christmas time. My dad took me to the Dickens fair every year. I named my son after gramp. The other family members were pleased with the choice of names. They gave me photos and memorabilia from him. My dad said nothing. Eventually the grief wore on his heart. So he was susceptible to Covid-19. It attacked his organs his weak heart gave out. His grief lead to his early death. One week after his death I was crying hysterically and I had a family member say "get over it." They might as well have said, "I want you to die early too". Society needs to change. Apparently the only person I am supposed to talk to is a grief counselor. I have pictures of gramps with my son all over ther house. When my son brings him up we talk openly. I do not talk about it with other family members though.

Great speech. Thank you for sharing. It’s truly hard to talk to people and to say what you’re going through when you lost someone. I lost my dad 2 months ago because of cancer. It’s the hardest 9 months of my life. Having someone to talk to is great and talking about your feelings helps. Be strong and I hope all people who are going through grief have the strength to become whom there loved ones wanted them to be. Thank you!

i just lost my sister last week and just like Rachel I'm always out there with my grief I can't hold it in.

It's very important to be heard to be validated carried my grief for three decade made to feel guilty for speaking over and over again yet I chose to stand out and be heard

I admire this person -Rachael Stephenson & appreciate her tenacity, boldness, and authenticity. I'm suffering in silence myself & I am absolutely desperate to change that. I want nothing more than to share my story so that others, so that the broken, like me, feel a little less broken. Thank you Rachael for helping me to be a lil less broken.

I needed this, my sweet mama passed away suddenly in-front of me and my 5 year old very recently. The agony is unreal. The pain of your child And your own is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I lost two of my brothers and I thought that was the worst thing ever but the loss of my sweet mama, has torn me to pieces.

"My grief has not been heard. " This crystalizes my experience. Ouch.

Thanks for this. 💚 mother and father. Mother first but wasn't told about the cancer, or allowed to see her as she began to get worse. I was 11. This is beautiful. And for everyone who holds this I know what it can be like 💛 you are in my thoughts xxx

I am mourning the loss of my husband alone. I don't want to become a burden to the few friends have and I also notice no one wants to really hear me talk about him. I'm trying to be strong for my five year old daughter who is also suffering the loss of her dad. Sometimes we cry together and as much as o try to avoid crying in front of her sometimes I don't even try to hide it from her because I want to show her that is totally fine to cry for the person we both love so much. I just wish I wasn't alone but on the other hand I don't want to become tiresome to people so I guess I will continue to cry when im alone. To all of those who are mourning just keep going hopefully it will get easier but one thing is for sure you will never be the same.

Thank you Rachel for sharing your story and helping people understand the importance of dealing with grief and loss.

Thank you .. it does not help at all, in fact it is hurtful to have others tell you that you need to move on and stop talking about the loved one you lost. Especially when its your own family. No one can judge how another person feels after losing someone they really really love. I have 2 people I can talk about the deepest grief I have ever felt. and one of them is a therapist! Our society is so backwards & cruel in this area.

Thanks for sharing this. We have to open up and express grief. I lost my Father last December and writing poetry has been my outlet. I have just started a RU-vid channel with my poems. So important to keep the dialogue about grief open.

When your child dies, your heart is gone with it. Not only you grieve alone in silence but you are not even allowed to mention the name of your child. How can you acknowledge such a taboo loss in society, at workplace or with friends and family who abandoned you?

Thank you for that validation. I lost my brother when I was 5 and didn't even know him. My mother never spoke of him to us. My mother passed when I was 24 and my youngest son Khoi was just 3 months old. We lived in a house with 2 apts in it with a connecting door so she could lock it when my sons were up there too much. She had cervical cancer and chose to die at home at the age of 46. My youngest son Khoi just passed from an unknown enlarged heart while away playing ball at college when he was 20 July 12, 2014. Everyone just seems to want me to stop talking about them. How could I not talk about them? I lost part of my soul when my son passed. I feel always weird because no one else does and when I do, I imagine they are all uncomfortable and just mumble feeble responses before changing the subject, which angers me to no end as well. So I stay home, alone, so I don't have that anger at them. Thank you for this. I will share with other grieving mothers I know as well. Hugs to all those who have lost and are struggling to keep going.

WOW THANK YOU Rachel for sharing your story! I will definitely be sharing this with many others. I too understand how important it is to share your grief vs. silence. I am part of the Children's Bereavement Network in Northern MI, where children like you were, can come and share their story with loving listeners. In sharing you learn its ok to be sad, angry, mad, and even that its ok to be happy. Sharing helps you to feel normal and to understand things that may have happened. It also helps you cope with all the feelings that come up in your live not just right after the death. So often people feel its easier to cope by closing up and not sharing. They stop talking about their loved one and remove any sign of them as though they didn't exist. They did live and will always be a part of your life if you keep their story alive by sharing it. That is why we work with children to help stop this pattern. Children often don't have people who understand or are able to listen. Most often when a child is grieving so is the caregivers (Like your grandma and father) in their life grieving that same loss. Everyone grieves differently and yet so often they yearn to talk about their loved one or her their name but are afraid of upsetting the children or others with their grief, so they just hide pain. It is so sad to her of stories like your father who tried to bury is pain alone. He suffered in silence and guilt, only to find alcohol and drugs his way to kill the pain. Like you said in such a powerful way in your story that grief needs to be heard. I hope your message gets out to more people who can learn about their grief and the importance of sharing. I look forward to seeing more on your mission to make our grief heard. God Bless you on your journey, Lynne Totten Children's Bereavement Network

I am new to grieving. My wife of 46 years (plus 4 years of dating before hand, so my "partner" for 50 years), died in mid Sept 2023 after a long battle with MS (about 35 years) and Cancer for almost 2 years. She was my wife, my best friend, my rock, my port in the storm. Years ago I was pretty sure she was going to die before me because of the MS. And, over the last 3 - 5 years, her MS progressed so much that she could not do much for herself, and spent most of the day in her recliner. She couldn't eat on her own, get to the bathroom on her own, get into or out of her wheelchair on her own. The cancer only made things worse. I worked so hard for her, doing everything I could to make her life better, easier, and as happy as possible. My parents died in the years shortly after I retired from a 30-year Coast Guard Career. I remember being upset for a short time, but don't know that I actually grieved. In the case of my wife, I am very upset and miss her every minute of every day. I cry when I hear Christmas songs that she loved. I cry at the thought of decorating for the holidays without her. My voice cracks when talking to others about her being gone, BUT, when asked "how are you doing?" I almost always say "I'm OK." I guess it's because I want to be OK, or I don't know how to ask for help OR, or how they might be able help...and do most really care anyway?? My 2 Sons and Daughter-in-law are working hard to keep me busy, and I'm helping a friend make repairs to an old farmhouse that he and his wife recently purchased. So I keep busy most days, but most evenings and nights I'm alone...with my thoughts and memories...sometimes I cry really hard as I wish she were still here... but I know she hated the limitations the diseases caused. Is she in a better place? I believe she is, but that doesn't fill the hole in my heart.

You are such a strong lady. I'm sorry this has all been so painful for you. It sounds like you have wonderful daughters.

I found out my father was dying December 2015 so I started praying plsams 91:4 I would pray Lord cover my family with your feathers and protect us under your wings , and I would ask the Lord were are you then that same month I pulled into my driver way at home and I stepped out of my truck and look up there was five bald eagles squeaking at each other soaring over my house , so then I knew he hearing my prayers , 9 months later after watching my father slowly die in hospice this day I knew it was his last I stayed all day with him waiting for him to take his last breath I went home for awhile and was sitting with my wife in the garage when a super strong stormy wind blew through my yard I thought the trees were going to snap in half then the wind stopped and it got very still and a white feather came swirling across my driveway and landed on the ground in front of my wife and me then we both looked at each other and said did you see that , I told my wife if my step mother calls and tells my father has passed that would be the sign , well she call's me a says son the hospice nurse Lisa says dad is taking his last breath's please go down and say your goodbyes so I did but when I arrived at hospice he had already passed so I ask nurse Lisa what time did he pass she said 6:15 pm it was the exact time the white feather had landed on the ground . Thank you Rachel for your amazing life story my father died from the same grief as yours did , my mother passed away 20 years ago and my father never got over her death so he drank alcohol and it slowly killed his liver .

Your talk is spectacular, Rachel. So emotionally honest and deeply touching. Well constructed and articulated and essential. We are sisters in grief. You redeem your terrible experience by speaking out and sharing it with all of us. May others hear you and speak out for themselves.

Thank you for sharing your story. I find that everyone wants to avoid the subject of death, before it happens, also after it has happened. I dealt with my grief openly and honestly but was put down by others as holding on to it. One person even said aren't you over that now? this shocked me, but fortunately being so grief stricken and in shock looking back, my mind went to arn't I over it, 4 months, devided by week equals 16, so is that one weeks grief for each year of life is their idea of how my grief should be. Lucky I went into the analytical side of my brain rather than an immediate emotional response which would have been so raw from me to a family member. I replied I'm just grieving my way. To which the response was welI I know Ive been through it Ive lost my brother, mother bla bla bla. My thoughts then were your family live hundreds of miles away, you were not close to your brother, he was involved in other things...…… then I thought dont say anything as its all about them and the way they handle their life. I was then berated that I was not doing enough for others that were alive. Ive come through it now but know it was their stuff and not dealing with their issues, deaths, life as so negative that they projected "should" on to me. I did it my way, and my way that worked for me as I am an individual and unique, and so was my beautiful relationship with such a pure, good, truthful, loving soul, whose time had come to early but accepting it, as I cannot change it, but oh how much I have learnt from it about people and life/death.. x

We just lost my dad on Thanksgiving 2020 he was a great man and a pillar of the community we all miss him so much :( it hurts so bad!!

This made me cry and was such a good talk.

I‘m watching every video about grief bc my boyfriends younger brother hung himself yesterday.... I cry all few minutes and don’t know whether it’s ok for me to grief since I know that I didn’t know him the way he did... I work at a cigarette store and yesterday during my shift my bf suddenly stood next to the line of the customers, he cried and I was shocked. I hastly served the customers I had then he leaned in the window and told me what happened. He pulled my head to his and leaned his forehead on mine and cried. I asked my boss to take a break went outside and hugged him, he cried and held me close then he went home to pack to catch a train to his family... I‘m waiting for him to ask me to come over, to take. a train to be near him, I‘ve already cleaned his fridge and have thrown away the food that would expire the next days but rn I feel so helpless... how should I approach any of his family members? How can I be strong enough to help when I miss him too? How can I help him understand that it was noones fault that his brother had depressions and kept quiet of them worsening? Is it even possible to help someone through this amount of pain...

This video helps a whole lot. I recently lost my best friend, and this video made me feel so much better. Thank you.

Oh Rachel, your story and my mom's are soooooo similar. Her dad died 9 days before her 5th birthday. The family dealt with it the same way. No one wanted to talk about it...her mom moved on with another man, pictures of her dad were removed. This set a very dysfunctional path in the family. Very sad. Grief not talked about or allowed to be heard. Thanks for this insight...I thought we were the only ones

There really needs to be a full understanding that alcoholism is a disease.

WOW! I'm so sorry about your lost. Thank you for sharing, you and your family are in my prayers!

Our family lost our beloved daughter and sister to suicide. My wife and the girls in the family all talked their way through it, while my son and I rarely spoke of it because it was so painful. For the first time, I understood the coping strategy of the "deadbeat Dad". I attribute the coping strategy to the male tendency to want to "fix" things but to turn away when there was nothing left to fix. I realize that God can bring good from trying times, and that a few men may be different, but Rachel Stephenson's "female perspective" denial that there may be other effective ways to cope including understanding the unwillingness to talk about the deceased on demand. We do have reminiscing sessions on her birthdays and the anniversary of her death

I'm a mother, and one of my biggest fear is to know I'm replaceable and or my children to want a different mommy. I cried while watching this video, looking to help my friend through grief. thank you, letting ourselves feel pain and emotions over all is ok. I always suppressed my emotions, and I couldn't cry when I needed to, all of those years resulted in health issues like anxiety

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was very moving. My Mom passed in June . Not many people want to talk about it.If it wasn't for my BFF and dont know where I'd be. And.. we will see them again. God bless you and your family.

Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your wisdom, for sharing so much truth.

If I can get through life without inadvertently causing someone's untimely demise, then I'll die happy.

I still grieve for my little brother! He died in 1978.

Rachel - I don't know that I exhaled while listening to your gripping and beautifully told story! I am always in awe of folks who transport us through their experience by their writing and story-telling gifts. I cannot imagine the hole I would have felt in my soul had I lost my mom so young. I am forever grateful to of not had to experience that and sad that you did. You are right - as you so defiantly told the adults in your life, no one can ever be replaced. Then later on in such a heartwarming and loving way as a Mom yourself - explained it and then was so gently reassured by your daughters. A vital lesson for our kids is letting them know that outwardly expressing a kaleidoscope of emotions is good...healthy...soul affirming. Fear of confronting our own or others grief can create such lonely souls. I have witnessed this in my Mom who has been treading water in her sea of grief since my sweet dad passed away. So many family and friends have distanced themselves from her - they don't quite know how to deal with her need to keep her love for my dad alive. But I get it. For her -this world was a much better place to be when my dad was here to share it. She still has a quick wit and gorgeous laugh but we just have to be a little more patient with her to coax it out. We need to perhaps get out of our own comfort zone to acknowledge those who are grieving - and meet them where they're at. The energy is takes for them to make social plans can be exhausting. Calling someone up to have a cup of tea and let them share their memories - can be the simplest most loving and best gift we can give them at this point in their lives. Thanks Rachel.

great talk Rachel.. I loved your passion and how you personalized your story, so important that others hear your story. Truth and how we deal with grief is so important and its time we began looking at our own stories. The silence of our grief doesn't do anything to our souls, it only leads to so many other issues later in life.... absolutely amazing... thank you for sharing this...

When my Mom died in 2001, of cancer, my heart was shattered again. 5 month's earlier my grandmother, Mommo who was/is Mom's Mom, died at age 95. Mommo's death I could accept. I had been her grandson for 47 years. Then September 27 came around. Mom had gone to sleep the night before, and she never woke up again. Even the family, including her sisters, refused to have a Thanksgiving (How can you have a Happy Thanksgiving 2 months later and still be in mourning?). We also abstained from Christmas and trees and gift-giving. It just was not right to give gifts when Mom would no longer be there? In 2002 we restarted the Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions. But we had to take at least 1 year to ourselves to mourn both losses.

This helps. Thank you

Thank you for sharing your story. Ive intially made a choice to grieve in silence, because I didnt want people to feel sorry for me. But it hurts all the more and it didnt help. My stepfather died a few days ago from brain cancer. He treated us like his own family. Sometimes I regret that I didnt show how I appreciate having him in our lives. He made my mom a better person. He was always thoughtful and generous. I am so thankful to have met him and Im afraid I havent said that to him. Before he came, I grew up in a family that didnt show our emotions especially when my mom and dad broke up. I always think I am a bad person for brushing off my problems, but at times I thought it is better that way. It has been hard. But from now on Ill try to share my grief..

Over all it was a good presentation. It is of course a very personal story with a coping style that appears to have worked for her. She does acknowledge that there is no cookie cutter plan for everyone . There are times when the don't talk about the grief all the time works and the person does not die an alcoholic

I hope one day I can share my story about losing my husband September 16, 2017

Thank you soooo much, Rachel! You have helped to heal me. Yahweh Bless you, always. Elise

I wish I could give her a hug because that’s what I need I realize now and I’m gonna start asking my kids to give me a hug when they see me because I need that because grief is so physically taxing a person needs relief. Thank you so much Rachel , my gosh I am amazed at your strength and in the pain you have endured God bless you for sharing your story.

Such an intense story, amazing that you share it with us. For me it shows that grief needs a catharsis in someway.

this talk was given a month after steve died. 73 weeks and 2 days ago. watching it now...ow...

thank you for sharing. I suffer grief most days

I appreciate how heartfelt and honest this ted talk is. I also appreciate the premise. However, it misses the fact that the dad wasn't just dealing with grief. It sounds like he was dealing with immense trauma. Even if talking to his daughter might have fixed it, it didn't sound like he could talk to her. I don't think his suffering was his choice.

Such wonderful speakers......god bless them...my dad passed away recently n these videos r so nice to watch....thanx tons

I find it tremendously difficult to get my head around the fact that my Oma is gone. She'd called me the day before she decided to go, and I can barely remember what we'd discussed. My ears are still ringing and up until a few minutes ago I've just been numb. How can I be strong and present for the rest of my family when I feel this way?

Ppl Have A Right To Grieve anyway They See Fit.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Great talk Rachel! Nice job...

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it will help so many broken lives.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing x

Thank you and God bless 🙏

Thank you, thank you, and thank you very much!

So Good!!

Thank You Rachel, yr message. "the great healer is validation. All grief needs to be heard" Most important message. Hopefully many millions of people will learn to avoid causing unnessesary trauma on their loved ones when a situation like yours happens. I learned a lot. Thanks. It made me shiver hearing how the situation was handled by yr grandmother and father. I would cuddle you to death. I feel so sorry for what you went through, losing yr mother at 5 is terrible, but the way it was handled was unspeakable but probably not unnormal and hopefully your testimony and many others will put an end to all the extra unnessesary suffering. I want to start a grief center.

Amazing story. Ty

Very good grief advice. :) Thank you.

Thanks for sharing your grief adventure. So many times it is the men that tend to put their grief in a closet. Some combination of misaligned male tougher species coupled with the bad theory of compartmentalizing grief. Death is still the taboo subject in many schools and homes. We can have discussions concerning sex, drugs, criminal acts but want to avoid death and grief subjects. Thanks for shedding some illumination and hopefully open some hearts and minds.

Twelve yrs ago my oldest son was killed in an auto accident, he was 18. Sixteen months ago, my oldest surviving son was killed, hit by a car. Ten days after i buried my second son, my mother passed away. I have 4 surviving children. Im not suicidal, but now i feel like ill never have a truly, happy life. If it wasnt for my 4 surviving children, i dont think i could even get up and function. In a way, i guess i keep going on out of respect for my boys lives.....

Excellent.

Bless you

Thank you

I miss my mama so much

Wonderful talk and i agree that sharing rather than silence helps most of the time. Though the story you told of your father seems to me to involve also the effects of trauma and the numbing and silencing of PTSD as well as suppressed grief. Trauma often silences people.-- in somatic physical way until some of the reactions are released ( eg Somatic experiencing).

My goodness she is incredible. Wow

I can't believe she said that (you can call me mommy now) that is so messed up. And I can't believe you had to go through all of this, I am so sorry 💔😢 I lost my father a little over a year ago and it never gets any easier. I have nobody here for me either, I wish I had somebody to talk to about this, sometimes I just need to let it out.

Rachel, my mom passed away when I was 10, then because of grief my brother too, two years later. My dad all alone in a foreign country after I moved on my life. I try encouraging him, but too busy with my affairs. My dad had been a life long alcoholic and he passed away, long distance from me, to get that call from the neighbors disturbed by the stinch. I just found out and my heart is aching. the guilt and the loss is excruciating. I told my self that my dad had his own life, he chose that path, and I understood why.he had no friends or family to grief with and I always blamed him, but I was starting to understand that it was not his fault. I can totally relate to your video, and share your grief . I am afraid it will haunt me too, but I have to stay strong for my kids. I share and share, not keeping it silent. I am not ashamed, I try not to feel guilty, but is hard.

I lost my great great Grandmama on 29 3-2020 29th March 2020 i am still mourning and Griefing since then i have.nt cried and i still have.nt cried now that she is in heaven with the angels i do.nt know if i should of told ppl i have.nt told to many ppl i did do the right thing i am still Griefing i am still numb and my heart is ripped out of my heart i am still in pain 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🌸🌸🌸🌸😭😭😭 i am still in silent i think i feel like silent helps and i just listing to music to numb the pain may my great great grandmama never be forgotton she will always be in heaven looking down on us 💔💔💔🌸🌸🌸🌸😭😭😭 i have.nt cried since she passed and it was a whole week since she passed i will continue to stay silent but i know that my great great Grandmama will all ways be with us in are hearts and in heaven RIP

Dear god bless u ...welcome sweet heart women

My brother disappeared one week ago, they found his car but the search with dogs turned up nothing. I don't know what to think, how to function. I have never known true grief, pain and sorrow until now. My entire family is heartbroken and I am barely holding on. I can't believe he's gone and I'm so angry at myself for not being there for him more, just to talk or hang out. I won't ever forgive myself for this. Please, if there is someone there, anyone, I need someone to talk to. Please. 😭💖

pretty gr8

Recently lost my mom and I feel horrible.

thx i needed this my dad never talks about his issues and does not expect me to I'm really worried about his future I can tell he is on a bad road but I cant seem yo do anything any advice

If expressing the pain of prematurely, or timely, dead parents is so hard on our death-denying society, how can someone even begin to express the pain of loveless parents, parents too wrapped in their own pain and insecurity to love anyone, even their own child? I never had parents, it was never a possibility. I had guardians, custodians. I hope the pain gets better when they die.

Hi Rachel, l lost my beloved younger sister 7weeks ago.....l am struggling with guilt, l feel l didn't do enough to save her life.. what should I do?

1001 views! woo hoo!

My heart feels as if it's in a vice It feels as it being turned I can't bare the pain I lost my loving careing husband of 52 year a week ago

I share your grief and don't let any of these other comments tell u other wise. Grief is real and I know it. Contact me please

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Not all silence is bad. Children must not have adult problems placed on their shoulders. Maybe the 4 year old wanted her mom to be among the living, present as their mother, rather than being stuck in grief for her own. Rachel seems in ernest, but also seems obsessed and unaccepting. If we have parents, the day will likely come when we must say goodbye to them.

For someone who claims to of researched and studied and know so much about the subject of Grief, Theres not much depth nor substance within this talk. There was just nothing here in these words that we don't already know and feel when we go through our own grief. An empty talk like to many other ted talks. just empty bullshit with no real insight into the subject at hand. I do however agree that we seek validation of what we have experienced in losing a loved one .

I found out my father was dying December 2015 so I started praying plsams 91:4 I would pray Lord cover my family with your feathers and protect us under your wings , and I would ask the Lord were are you then that same month I pulled into my driver way at home and I stepped out of my truck and look up there was five bald eagles squeaking at each other soaring over my house , so then I knew he hearing my prayers , 9 months later after watching my father slowly die in hospice this day I knew it was his last I stayed all day with him waiting for him to take his last breath I went home for awhile and was sitting with my wife in the garage when a super strong stormy wind blew through my yard I thought the trees were going to snap in half then the wind stopped and it got very still and a white feather came swirling across my driveway and landed on the ground in front of my wife and me then we both looked at each other and said did you see that , I told my wife if my step mother calls and tells my father has passed that would be the sign , well she call's me a says son the hospice nurse Lisa says dad is taking his last breath's please go down and say your goodbyes so I did but when I arrived at hospice he had already passed so I ask nurse Lisa what time did he pass she said 6:15 pm it was the exact time the white feather had landed on the ground . Thank you Rachel for your amazing life story my father died from the same grief as yours did , my mother passed away 20 years ago and my father never got over her death so he drank alcohol and it slowly killed his liver .