All Narcissists Use This Con To TRY To Bond You Forever 

In the end I figured out that narcissists have an uncanny ability to offload their darkness into other people. Those awful feelings you felt at the end weren’t yours: they were the narcissists. So now we truly KNOW how they actually feel about themselves, because we actually felt it. I believe this is subconsciously their goal. Misery loves company, as they say.

Exactly Paula , my healing began once I understood I was dealing with a disorder , not a person . Each , and every attempt to grow in the relationship was thwarted by the disorder. So life becomes about coping with their disorder, which is cunning , baffling, powerful . How many today have a God complex ? And to deal with their self righteous pride ? We had no idea , we were entangled with a malevolent entity . The devil himself . The narcissist stripped of their false image is just a empty vessel , animated by the spirit of fear , envy, anger , and hatred .

I REFUSE TO LIVE AROUND SOMEONE WHO LIES ALWAYS AND HAS NO RESPECT FOR ME, & FOR REALITY AND TRUTH.

Ultimately you have to pity these creatures , they have a chance to have something beautiful , but because of their issues they have to turn it into something ugly ! It's ironic that after all the years of devaluing , it's actually us , the empath , that turns out to be the strong one !!

Home run. Felt she was concerned about me. I opened my heart too soon. My weaknesses and vulnerabilities revealed. Felt she was trying to help me grow. I was duped. I confided with the wrong person. She devalued me. I wasn’t good enough. She projected the trams from her childhood unto me. She would tell me that I needed to change. She honed on my flaws. My self doubt lowered my self esteem. I was a failure. I felt this was all my fault. I was hurting. It took me 6 months to find myself. My self worth and value needed to be rediscovered. It was a difficult time. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. The trauma bond was strong. But I overcame it. I am who I am. Thanks to the videos like this one has helped me to heal. No contact is in force.

They are too weak to have or show vulnerability... coverts 'appear' so kind - sweet - understanding.. they are the most lethal.. then they turn into the eternal victim

Very well said. The only piece I would add from my experience with a Covert Narcissist, is that they don’t acknowledge anything positive about you or what you have accomplished because they are envious and begin to feel quite jealous and competitive!

I didn’t have the experience of the narcissist using we both know, the narcissist I am dealing with was more covert than that. He would blame me for triggering his anger and accuse me of doing all the things he was doing- he would accuse me of twisting his words, he would accuse me of manipulating him and claim he was the one who wanted a healthy relationship and he was the one who wanted equality and honesty but his actions told a different story. He would stonewall and give silent treatment for days and be emotionally unavailable and be less and less a part of any activity. I felt like he was a visitor or a stranger.

" What the mind does not know .... the eyes cannot see " Wisdom is key

This is spot on Paula they leverage your weaknesses and fears against you you've revealed these things to them because you trusted them and thought they loved you its really a very sick and deranged mind to do this to another human being especially when you truly loved them and supported them in every way and sympathized for them for all the sob stories they fed you because they made you believe that they were the biggest victims their whole lives. Thank you for this validation🙏🙏🙏

I speak blessings overflowing! To this channel! Praise king Jesus of Nazareth!

Narcissists don't actually "know" anyone in any real way, since everyone is an object to them. They sure know how to project, though.

You've just described EXACTLY why I had to walk away , it was absolute madness 😆 This incredible revealing video is cutting a BIG SLICE into the icing of the fake cake , to reveal the sponge is stale and the cream was always off 😝❤️❤️❤️

Studying today, and came across this . Who among us likes to face fear , desperation, futility , and failure . This is the narcissists power , they decietfully entangle us in their cycle of despair , futility , and failure . If you deal with it , they don't have to . The door to freedom is to face the despair , futility, hopelessness, failure . And the relationship with the narcissist includes all those. By facing it ,we grieve. We heal , and we can move on .

This is the big finding yourself realisation. Because we put alot of trust in a "supposed great person ". Don't take it personally, it's them not us. With time and knowledge we can get our head around this ,because of push pull. Go no contact or grey rock. We get stronger and stronger....game over!!

As an educated empath you can see through the pretence and denial . When I look at photos of my ex narc now I don't see the fake confidence anymore , I see a lost soul and a cold empty heart , so sad xx

Great video Paula, they are extremely damaged and it's only as I got older and but all the peices together that got full insight into the whole picture, it's twisted what these people can do, it is Wonderful to have these videos and be able to connect with people who understand what Narrisist are and the damage they can do, will never but down my guard again.

they go further than "we both know" - mine was like "everybody knows!"

Wow… Paula… that was the best explanation I have ever heard about how the narcissist projects their own trauma onto their intimate partner during the devaluation phase. You have described so accurately the nature of the attack: how they take you from the heights of the validation you felt during the idealization phase and then devalue you (as you described) by saying: “You thought you were so great in that position I put you in, up there. That was me. I put you up there. I’m telling you… we tried… we saw your potential… we thought you were great, but you’re actually shit…. You’re not as great as you thought you were. You’re a failure. We both know (and they go through your list of self-doubts). We both know and other people have said it as well.” They project their pain into you; and bring up your pain to show that they are superior to you. Wow… you captured that experience. This is the kind of insight and understanding that you don’t find in a psychology textbook but only from someone who has lived the experience. I know what you are saying is true because I have lived that same experience. That is precisely what they do during devaluation. Like you said, it is disturbing and quite tortuous, at times - to be devalued to the point where they see you as: “Who you are is this crawling creature on the ground and we both know.” Wow! It is a terrible thing for one human being to do to another - what the narcissist does to their victims. Paula, you are SO smart, SO insightful, so loving and kind. You are such a bright light in this world. You of all people do not (and did not) deserve to be treated like that. Nor did I and so many of us in this community of empaths and bright lights. Narcissists are very ill… very sick in their minds. My ex-narcissist once asked me: “Can you live me with this darkness inside me?” They know. Empathic people are very loving. It is not a question of our capability to love. But after having tried to live with him three separate times, I see from journal entries that each time I had concluded and said to him: “I can love you with this darkness inside you but I cannot live with this darkness inside you.” That darkness is SO toxic, so destructive, almost murderous in its intent to destroy your spirit, to destroy the life and liveliness within you. We would all be shell of ourself if we believed the narcissist and let them define who we truly are. Shine on, Paula! You are a beautiful soul…!

This is so very true. They just know how to get 'inside' your mind and try to break you. Compassion for them works against us. I'm so glad I've moved on. Thank you Paula, you're so wonderful. Love your videos they bring about so much understanding of this mental condition that they have, they are so unusual, so different from other people, so hurtful that all we want to do is reach an understanding of what on earth IS this person. You have given us such clarity and returned to us our freedom. Thank you, so much.

Thank you! Encourage you change x. Their superego is harsh and punative and comes out when their not distracted and criticizes them. They don't quite know what this superego which is primative and triggering. A lot assume its anxiety ; it's not its their emptiness w punative superego. They (the narc ) play either the parent or the child. You met an adult but when the child shows up it kinda freaks people out. They devalue you because you haven't accepted the child w all the flaws. They are always using compensatory methods to pretend they are wonderful. But they want you to play the role of the withdrawing rejecting caregiver to try to solve their infantile trauma. They get angry that you can do things easier than the emotional 2 yr old can't and they are envious of your ability to form bonds so easiily.

One of the most heroine things I've realized you can do in this sense is owning your failures and frailties which deweaponizes the narcissist. Where they once arrogantly assumed they had an artillery consisting of your weaknesses to use against you whenever you made them feel most intimidated, it now is gone when you can find the beauty in your weaknesses. When they find out what they have on you is no longer a pain point or trigger, it's like they begin to glitch out right before your eyes lol.

I'm so sick and tired of these Narcissistic demons! Oddly I've been meeting them back to back.😡

I was “parented” and then abandoned. Everything you described is an accurate account of the pathology of narcissistic behavior - Insidious, venomous snake.

The "Superhero" analogy is PERFECT! Really brings the point home.

My ex didn't so much as list my faults, he was much more conniving and malevolent than that. He'd have little 'digs' at me about my hurt parts. My weight was one, he'd come out with little put downs - but he did this right from the start. But I didn't notice until I absorbed them and took them on board as my own. His voice become my own internal voice. Those are called introjections technically... at one point I felt alienated from the world, I felt it to be an unkind place. Now I know I don't see the world that way. I realised it was a projection of his. I said to him one day, I'm giving this back to you. This is how YOU see the world and yourself. He KNEW what I meant, he knew he had done it. Once I said that I felt better and started the very long road to recovery. I felt like we had such an amazing love story I'd never have that again. Its taken nearly 2 years with a great therapist to realise that was a lie - he was never attached to me and he is incapable of love. He exchanged ne for another as if she and I were grains of rice in a bowl. It was all a lie. The whole 8 years was an illusion. The trauma bond was the hardest thing to break.

Yes, I went through it all. The narcissist tried to devalue and weaponize everything and everyone that he knew was important to me. That included everything about me my morals, values, thought processes and went on to include my family, friends and career. When I realized what he was doing I started to strongly disagree and defend myself. That was when the war began. It continued to get worse until he left. I did not have a label for him and his insidious actions I only knew it was wrong and demonic. He is no longer in my life. He tried Hoovering a couple of times. I have filed for divorce and cut off all communication. I now have calm, peace and quiet in my life. I am beyond thankful to Paula and others who are so dedicated to educating those of us who are searching for answers about what we have been through.

Paula you bring exceptional informatation to us. Your ability to explain so clearly is a blessing. Thank you. I always look foreward to your videos.

Your voice and words are so soothing and healing.

He is still a child in an adult body. I always made him feel good about himself but he made me feel like a nothing. Drugs are the most important things in his life. Due to his childhood traumas I realise he cannot change. I am slowly distancing myself from my addiction to him.

I just appreciate you so much. I enjoy how you think and the way that you paint with words. You explain so well…I’m honored to learn from you…

Paula, your teaching that the narcissist develops a super-hero (mask) to protect the true self is brillant. For me, a light bulb came on there. And it is SO true that the narcissist MUST have someone who validates the existence of the super-hero. (Otherwise, the narcissist seems to just collapse.) They can get quite angry with us empaths who see through the mask, who realize that they have been wounded in childhood and need to heal from their trauma. That supportive feedback is not gratefully received by the narcissist. Instead, we get attacked. We sincerely love them and want them to be healed and well. It is VERY clear to us that in order for the narcissist to heal, they need to disengage from using their arsenal of narcissistic manipulation and abuse tactics. My ex-narcissist’s roommate/tenant told me that she had once said to him: “The war is over. You can lay your weapons down.” It’s very rare that any narcissist is willing to do that and get into a program of weekly psychotherapy with a specialist who knows how to treat people with NPD or who have narcissistic traits/adaptations. Very sad, actually, since the narcissist’s defence mechanisms keep them from receiving the unconditional love that so many of them long for. What they don’t seem to understand is: “Unconditional love does not mean unconditionally accepting bad behaviour.” For our own well-being, we are forced to love the narcissist from a safe distance. There is a certain moral code an individual needs to follow to be accepted into the company of loving, peaceful, gentle, and enlightened people. The narcissist seems to long to be there with them but is unwilling to stop manipulating and abusing people, which is essentially the key to the lock. The narcissist may visit once or twice but because of his or her behaviour, s/he will not be extended the invitation, “You’re welcome to drop by any time.” Of course, if they were to dis-engage from their disrespectful, aggressive, abusive, and oppressive ways, then they would be welcomed back into the company of good, gentle, caring, loving and kind people.

Yes Paula, you are spot on with the 'we both know' and nothing being off limits. Very strong connection but it also goes as far as you expressing their negative emotions on their behalf so that they can be the calm and control one while you are the crazy, out of control one. As if you don't exist other than to be their emotional dustbin. Manipulation on another level.

There are several great voices on narcissism on RU-vid and yet here you've given me the clearest, most compelling origin story of where they (narcissists) come from. Many thanks!

Hi Paula, I have to say the ex narc never used "we both know". I used " we both know" this isn't working out, maybe we can come up w a way to sell the house, and both move on so we can find happiness n peace. He used "everyone knows" .... Everyone knows you're this or that. He'd also use this "I know" that the woman I originally fell in love w is inside there somewhere. Even though everyone else doesn't like you, "I know" you're loveable. Weird cognitive dissonance impairment that impacted my self worth to extremes. Got me physically ill n even bed ridden. The "everyone knowd" was all based on my reactive abuse every 3-4 months where I would be a people pleasing -head nodding- overly giving- kind woman - dwindling woman, trying to make this man happy until I'd explode in anger or even rage about every 4 months out of exhaustion I could not please him or the family n friends were so mean, it just broke me down to react angry. He'd immediately say "See? Blah blah blah... "Everyone knows" you're unstable, insecure, weird, sick, crazy, .... Everyone knows you are worthless. But "I know" that lovable woman is in there somewhere. Mind bending my really of kissing ass 360 days a year n losing my shit the other 4-5 days w a rage out. It's all so clear now... But in the throngs of 20 years of that torture... I was minimized to worthless nothingness. Not even valuable to breath. To live a worthwhile life. Everyone knows... His I know turned into the cruelest things to dehumanize n minimze me. BUT.. I just celebrated 3 yrs in recovery ex narc abuser free. (Except for the hoovering triangulation n stalking). BC of HGs help, I ignore it all w a very strong NC GOSO. Thanks for sharing your videos n candor w us. Grateful. Puppy hugs 2 Remy n you.

⭐️I_Say: “There are alot more things wrong with me than that! I Thank God that I have Jesus! I am comfortable with myself, and I rest in the Love ❤️ + Peace and Forgiveness of The Most High”. 🙏🏼 Thank you for this great 👍 video 💙🎈🎢🎡💯

I'm trying not to cry as I listen to all this. When she would break up with me, I'd be so devastated and alone so I'd drive 600 miles away to Texas to be with my family and occasionally my friends for support. A few times I even tried dating people but my heart wasn't there so I quit doing that. So recently when we were still together, I wanted to go visit my family who I hadn't seen in two years. My son, my dad, stepmom, sister. And she got upset and said it triggers her when I go to Texas so I didn't go. But when I left her this past July, I ran away home to be with my parents. She told me this "WE BOTH know what you do when you go to Texas." She would say that a lot when referring to things she felt ibwas doing that were bad. Also, when you talk about how they don't see the authentic you. Only the bad you. It's so true, in her eyes I was so flawed. Forgetful, a cheater, a liar, shady, defective, needing therapy to fix me. I felt stupid when I was around her, like I couldn't get anything right. I just wanted to be dead. When I left, it felt like an out of body experience. I was so angry and it was like my soul left my body, grabbed me by the hand and yanked me out the door. I saved my own life. It's hard though because now that I understand everything, I still feel like I'm in so much pain and often angry. I was always so tempted to ask her why she was with me if I was so bad, but I was afraid that would make her use my question to leave me. I wish I didn't put up with her for so long.

Instead of "We both know ....." My narc ex would say, "I know you better than you know yourself...", as if I was nothing and no one,really. The trauma bond, in my experience, was strengthening each and every single time I "accepted" this. Essentially, I made a silent agreement that he was "right" by continuing to allow the abuse. For a lie to stick, requires the hearer accept the words as true. These people cast spells over you with their words. Using the same phrases ( Abra cadabra) creates a state of mind that I believe is basically like a trance. A person whose subjected to this knows more pain is about to follow and psychically retreats, becoming passive. Giving the narc control. The mirroring seems like a form of mockery, so subtle it's difficult to detect. Like in a horror film where the demon shapes shifts into a familiar form and speaks using the voice of a loved one.

It isn't caused by a harsh childhood 😢😢😢😢 they are born different 😢😢😢😢

Great video! Thank you for helping us get through the madness!

Spot on Paula.If this doesn't make sense to the average listener, there really is no simpler way to explain it.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE

Hi Paula , I’m away from the ex narc and the madness for 5years now but I love your videos even now . You can never hear enough on the toxic place you once lived and had no idea was causing you so much pain the narc convinces you is pleasure ! Thanks

There's a lot of people that you just can't have empathy for and the narcissist is one of them, and yes this is so true 👍 it's the ups and downs what gets you trauma bonded, that and 🍞 crumbing you, making you think 🤔 that it's going to get better at times, they will never ever change, they do this from person to person.👍 up Paula and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋

Thank you so much for this validating information. Your videos shed light into this dark personality. Keep going & May God bless you Paula.. 🙏🏼

Your explanation of this is the best I’ve heard x

Absolutely brilliant description

You nailed it! Nailed it exactly Paula! Thank You!

Something that helped me break the spell of this bond was noticing that my narc ex was contradicting himself and going against logic in his attacks on me. He'd say one day, "Your mother damaged you with her abuse and no one will ever want you," and the next day, "If your mother did beat you, you deserved it," and the third day, "Probably she never beat you; you're just lying about it." Then he'd do the same cycle again. I realized that these three things couldn't all be true.

Wonderful, wonderful channel. i have seen many (channels). your description of narcissism is insightfully generous and carries a quality of unbias that many channels do not. making understanding ones plight more readily visible and attainable in surmounting. thank you

The discard is when the sadism comes in… the sadistic face. It’s a stream of dissatisfaction and humiliation, criticisms, constantly on your case. Then the silent treatment. Yes it’s more like a parental relationship- it’s like they become their parent. Acting out roles. He had not a clue who I was. Not one clue.

CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY!! THANK GOD I'M WOKE 💯 percent! GREAT VIDEO 👍

Oh wow Paula this just blew my mind...so well explained and so accurate! This is what happened to me, I really needed this validation

This was yet another video that brought me to tears to the core resonated true from start to finish such an exact description of the projection that we both know the other people say it everybody knows it type thing I’m driving can’t say more but thank you thank you so thankful for you and your stand Paula… I always find myself sincerely praying for your protection and for you..knowing the darkness has to hate you.. thank you times 100s

FANTASTIC VIDEO ! I keep watching this because it's such a perfect insight into the crazy world of the narc 🙏🙏💗 I was also wondering if you might consider doing a video of how the narc can steal friends and over time turn them against us , even whilst we are still there ?! As empaths we naturally like to bring people together out of good intentions , not thinking for a moment the narc might end up poisoning them against us !! They seem a dab hand at this , ..it's so sly and crafty the way they lure them over , and such a shame the friends you had can be taken in so easily without even hearing you take on things first 😝🙄💗💗

Three common phrases he'd repeat to me: "you can't..." "you don't know how to...." "you're not able to...." I wonder how much I believed him😡😥

You are wonderful ❤️ I appreciate all ur insights and the effort u take to counsel and educate victims of narcissistic abuse.

This is eye opening.. thank you

Excellent summary in easy to understand language-The 'Superhero' is a great (new) analogy to me.-She used to say (as a condescending put down) 'Yes we know that already!' to devalue and close down discussion. One of the few times the word 'we' was used! It's taken me over 2 years studying YT videos and more to get my head around it and I'm still not finished. I recommend Michael Sealey on here to help overcome the damage they cause. Good work Paula.

Been almost 4 months no contact ,because I understand narcs because of you I have won so far. Thwarted a contact Aug 30

Right on Right Paula. Thank You.🕊

I so relate to this. Mine said I wasn't innocent, funny because he's the one who made sure I wasn't.

THAT'S why they have to put you down ! Another great insightful expose ! I know EXACTLY how they suck you in and make out they are the only one who truly cares and understands what you need , and the only one who is truly willing to give you their valuable time ,. ohh how grateful we should be !! When I mentioned RESPECT I was told you have the EARN respect , but now I realise that is not true ! If you are a good kind and decent person that is enough , and everyone SHOULD respect that ! Now when I meet new people if I find a lack of respect I challenge it immediately ,before it can get any worse !! After-all , procrastination is the devil's accomplice ! Maybe the alarm 🚨 was the narcissists" fake ego sounding off again 😝💗💗👍

Thanks Paula for this excellent video such a lot of knowledge and information i really needed

Yes he used to say things like 'we don't get on'when it was him causing the problem and after 33 years of gas lighting devaluing discarding cycles and me always forgiving and not properly understanding until year 28 when I researched the behaviour he said to me I w asnt fully over my ex who he was with for 5 years who dumped him so after all the abuse every abuse you can imagine and 2 children he actually had the gall to say that he tried to come back every week for the last 3 months I wasnt going to let him hurt me again after the last discard because I knew he would hurt me again and again if I let him I finally get it and I will never put myself through that again they still try and manipulate when you are no longer with them it is truly messed up and I cant weve my empathy and self compassion has got me through and I feel relatively normal although I obviously have suffered immense trauma from it all and so have my kids I wouldnt wish a narcissist on anyone I will probably never fully get over it and the thing is recently a friend has even tried to manipulate me over these last few months and that came to a head last night I had nightmares and couldnt sleep well this friend is male and I'm pretty sure he has been trying to control me and last night he kept incessantly ringing me like 9btimes ina short space of time which really triggered me I had to message him and say please stop ringing me i was in the bath anyway he has noe deleted me on facebook but before he did that he messaged me to say it wasnt him who called me and his phone must have been hacked which I dont believe for a minute a phone doesnt just ring over and over again he even got a friend to message me and lied to them to I spoke to my daughter about it and I kind of knew he was getting weird i sensed it no way am gonna take this kind of treatment off anyone ever again once you know what narcissism is you can spot it straight away in people

This was on point. I think they want their targets to develope self hatred

Also Sam Vaknins work does an excellent break down of how the narc gets in your mind which was really crucial for me for healing and understanding how he got in my head and why I could not stop ruminating about him!

Absolutely true.Oh My God you explained this so beautifully..I am down the toilet and feel so depleted and hope I can restore my joyful self..

Paul as long as I know god know s the truth about everyone 🙏🙏🙏the narc can say what he like s god is the only Judge 🙏❤️🙏and know s all the truth ,god bless Paula 🙏❤️🙏you are so great at what you do , helping good people in really hard times💯💐❤

Thank you VERY much for this extremely helpful video and it's one of the best I've seen on this subject, because you focus on the childhood trauma aspect, which is the main cause of narcissism, after all! It's interesting how children in dysfunctional families develop different maladaptive ways of coping the best way they can in often nightmarish circumstances. Of course, it's not an excuse to harm others as adults; however, it's a legitimate explanation and it's a wonder I didn't become psychopathic after what I endured! I did attempt to take my own life when I was about 15 years old though. I also have some knowledge about what both of my troubled parents went through and witnessed my younger sister and brother's lives as well, along with other family members and friends. I've ended up too far along the other end of the spectrum though, which isn't healthy either and the more narcissistic family members SEEM to be doing much better in life, due to the fact that they have good jobs etc, whereas I haven't been able to work for years, for various reasons, including trauma issues. I could write a LOT more on this subject (I'm planning to write a book eventually), yet I'll stop now and it's an old video too. I can write comments on more recent ones anyway. ❤

You totally describe my last relationship..she used practically everything I have confided in her against me.. smear campaign..discarded after saying no for the first time.. blocked and painted black.. totally baffled.. striving to heal..

very accurate thank you so much

Been a while Paula , nice to see you still contributing to the survivor camp.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE

I don’t comment much. As yet. Still processing stuff. But hope to make some contribution in future. Your explanation/analysis makes total sense to me.

It was noticeable how much time was spent trying to convince me that she really knew me. The upside was that I had solid sense of self.

and may God Bless your every word xoxoxo

She insisted I go to 30 day rehab. I asked if it will save our marriage. She said no.

GOOD MORNING TO YOU AND SWEET REMY.

For me the incongruent reality of their projections with my self awareness was the red flag that tapped my shoulder.

Self-compassion.

We both know that ...... How many times I heard those words. I always wanted to save them, I look at two friends who are doing the exact same thing, trying to save their covert partners. One friend is getting ready to leave his covert, once that happens I believe I will see the birth of an aware empath. And a few people in our social circle are in for a big surprise as they find themselves on the narcissistic scrap heap. (there are an unbelievable amount of narcs in our circle)

After breakup with narc. I did enter aps again, but on guard. One in particular, I decided to test because he was lavishing so much attention and compliments and attention at first.. then began to fade in communication for a couple of days. When he came back to talk, I told him the hot/cold, in/out are major red flags (had told him about what I just got out of) and his reply was -"I can tell you aren't over your ex and need to heal" which I did inform since day 1, I needed to heal before getting into a relationship. I guess he didn't like that I called his behavior a red flag so he tried to gaslight back to my needing healing, and then he blocked me. Testing works to reveal true colors up front

Took me years to believe I deserve love when I was younger I hated myself and wasn't capable of letting anyone love me she's done a lot of damage. It's a shame it's taken so long to get this knowledge....hopefully the younger generation can deal and heal a Lt sooner...

Greetings to Ireland, Paula !

Morning P. Appreciate your messages. You strike me as one who is open to critique. ( as i am also ) First the foundation upon which your hypothesis rests as i see it is this...1. That the foundation of a narcs disorder has its roots in childhood trauma,from which the personality associate"s itself as a means of protection. 2.That their actions are bipartisan in nature. 3. That their actions upon another is for the sole purpose of self validation. With the above 3 points in mind . Psychology is not a science, but merely a philosophy ( i.e the rhetoric of "chilhood trauma") 2. bipartisan relationship within the individual is" dissociative identity disorder. " (Again a term used in psychology) 3. And perhaps the most important, is the term "self validation" used in psychology today as "The act of accepting our own internal experience, including our thoughts and feelings" If Narcissist"s were to truly self reflect, they would need to validate their motives ( including the effects upon their conscience.), There for the term "self validation" is a term non inclusive of conscience ,and therefore not applicable as a reliable term applicable to the Narcissist. Again psychology tells us what its not never what it is. From my own experience, the experience of using terms to describe the Narcissist limited to the language of psychology, was limited in scope to explain fully the experience. My personal abuse favoured more "THE DARK TRIAD" a combination of Narcissism machiavellianism and psychopathy. Again i leave the link as in the last video you made supa nova part 2. Happy days to all. thanks P. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Px36yFzxujQ.html

great video

I am Lituanian man 40 y.o and she is Irish 50 y.o woman. We are coworkers. 3 years ago we become lovers...But I felt in love with her. And it was my the bigest mistake. We went maybe 5 cykles, and now she punishing me by flirting and love bombing with my ext best frien also my covorker. He is 25 years younger then she. For me she was everything, and just becous yours videos I can sea herbtrue face. I was blaming me, but Real eavel is involved here... thank you for your work. It,s not easy to listen your accent, she has the same...only Ireland can produce such a beautiful people.

He made me feel I was the narcissist some have seen the mask fall off and some still fall for it. I'm not going through that again with my husband of 30 years I was blind cause I gave up but Jesus gave me sight of his lies. Thank You Jesus ❤️ 🙏 🤲

So true every word❤️🇬🇧🇳🇱✌️

There is a narcissist in the apartment just beside mine and he told me that he likes to provoke.He did that to me for nothing just for the pleasure he feels to do that. When I rent my apartment I was feeling between the owner and him. It was to quiet. That old man doesn't go out at all, never. He goes out only to put his garbages outside. He is like a ghost. He put a curtain on the top of his blinds. When a I arrived in my apartment he told me; "If you need something, just tell me." I felt he was kind but it was not sincere at all. I had a numeric stove and I didn't how it was functionning but neither him finally. Aftter, it was time for the dinner and I ask him to excuse me because I had to prepare the meal. Then, he didn't move at all. I told him a second time, and he didn't move right away. I was feeling really bad in his company. It is hard to explain. Finally, he took the door. I felt so relax. Also, he stole my mail for one week, two times. Then, my owner bought me a mail box that I could locked. He is a really bad person. It was a big job to find my apartment and I fell on a narcissist. It means there is a lot of narcissists people those days and it is really dangerous especially women. Thank you for your video Paula.

The one thing to remember is that a grandiose will with stand criticism. Vulnerable is the one who is sensing to criticism. Grandiose is also never wrong and always right and pushes their opinion on everyone.

Yes,The Greeks have a word that personify what the Narcissist is all about. Sarcasm...which is defined: TO TEAR FLESH. 👀

When someone starts love bombing me, I start expressing doubts about myself. A normal, empathetic person will try to reassure and offer emotional support. However, a Narcissist, in my experience at least, will launch straight into the devaluation phase. Kind of a short-cut. May cause some problems with a nice person though. People like confidence and don't necessarily want to be someone's emotional support all the time. Collateral damage, I guess.

So true They need you to constantly, verify and love the fake mask. They can keep the mask on longer if you verify the mask. Good job Paula

In crowds of his friends, one narc would say things to me and I'd look up to see everyone staring at me, waiting for my reaction. Now, I recognize that he had been smearing my name, (of course.) Then, in private, he'd say he didn't know why they were staring at me mean like that, but not to worry, he loves me. It doesn't matter what they think. He said someone was probably jealous and said a lie that the others believed. One day, he said I should break up with all of my friends and just hang out with him and his friends. That was the last day. He told me he saw the love, literally die, out of my eyes, like a blink, it was gone. Yup. Just sick. How I was able to let the love die, just like that, is because of the past narcs I had to let go of. I did get caught up with many many more narcs after that, and now, I am able to recognize the different types faster. They would probably hate to hear that the intentions they had for me, taught me to recognize and protect myself from them and the others.

Her words keep repeating in my head...it's hard to get rid of...I've gone nc with her....for my own mental health...

At first the relationship was so passionate so full of the want and need we seemed inseparable. but then I became a nurse or a purse actually both. Then after a couple of years I felt like I became the mother figure and the passion and the sex seemed incestuous and a huge turn off. Finally I had proof that he was cheating of course when I found out that he was cheating and made all the other times I should say it gave all the other times validation.

Abt words we and both.. My best friend always told me to be carefull with ppl who talk like that. But I try to remember examp.of it, but its a little harder bc structure of our language its very different. I will think through, maybe its even more ways to say it and you dont get it right away.

I resonate.

Super Hero too nice of a word; more like the demonic Sea Captain in a Jack London novel

What about parent child?