How To Disempower The Covert Narcissist - (Narcissist Channels) 

The way these Narcs slander you behind your back is disgusting. Playing the victim while they smear you with lies.

Thank you Paula. This video brought back a memory of the ex covert. I used the term "passive aggressive" describing someone else and he played dumb and asked what "passive aggressive" meant...even went as far as acting like he literally never heard the term before. Such a con artist! He would actually come across as insecure and shy...just another scam. Be strong survivors! These dark individuals are experts at deceiving others.

They are manipulators, they are the crazy ones, don't ever justify yourself to a narrisist, thanks Paula this is a great video.

I didn't know he was such a mess. He told so many lies about himself that I thought he was great and fell madly in love. Slowly I started to see the light one thing at a time. He was a nightmare! So happy to be out if that chaos. I don't believe anything he ever told me. It is a big lesson learned. I didn't know such people existed.

The narcissist criticized me recently and my response for the first time was “ I don’t care how you think of me” he went silent and I was pleased that I gave him the response he deserves.

I’ve found being honest with them and telling them you know what they are totally repels them. They are cowards.

My healing started off feeling suicidal. I self isolated for many months. You Tube literally saved my life. I binge watched narcissistic abuse videos. Paula has it spot on with everything I went through. In order to heal, I believe you have to change many things in your life. To focus on something new. Learn something new, meet new people. The gut wrenching pain people go through psychologically is so hard to heal from. I’ve been NO CONTACT since Sept. ‘18. Feel much better now. I changed, jobs, apartments, and made some new friends. Started working part time. (Had to) from the exhaustion of the abuse. You WILL feel better. Give it as much time as you need. Everyone heals different.

They are the most cruel beings on this earth.

My 19 yo daughter has strong narcissistic traits and she has been hostile towards me for a long time. Always insinuating to not being a good mom , now she has moved out and again she’s mad at me for not helping her sorting through her stuff. I’m not taking it personal. God is in charge.

This is so true. My ex started from the moment he came into my life, actually telling me how to cook a meal when I was cooking in my own house, as if I had never cooked a meal before and then said "I'm only helping." It went down hill in a slow trajectory ever after. There were a lot of demands and criticisms based around my house keeping ability. We're separated now and I hold a successful career, have a nice car, savings, a university degree and a calm (and clean) household. He lives in a shack out the back of his mother's property in a house so dirty that his son feels driven to shower when he comes home. His whole life is centered around alcohol.

A Narc cannot change. We’re powerless over that. I’m putting my youngest 19 yo daughter into Gods hands and set myself free

His perfect good day: found someone to quarrel with either at the store or on the phone PLUS has a sinus headache/backache/toeache/asthma attack/hemmeroid/migraine (pick your favorite)

Awesome video! Thank you! My Ex was absolutely a lying, cheating, thieving, gaslighting, hot mess, life is better now.

They're exhausting with their never-ending put-downs masquerading as simple questions. "Why are you doing it that way?" Who? What? When? Where? Why? They never really seem to care about Why, even when they ask. That would involve reason and logic and perhaps an alternative perspective or an emotional empathetic response to a situation. In fact, if they ask for advice they really do not want an opinion. It's just a way to one-up you, as they know everything. If you give an honest reply, they will say they know, and if they have to apologize they will couch it with "I should have known." They will dodge a true apology, and never say "I am sorry for the way I treated you." It's such a one-way street with them. My way or the highway. The relationship will work if you do things their way. You will suffer though. Take the highway!

Wow!!! and Wow!!! again. I answered the questions you asked and was slapped into reality( I appreciated that). My narcissistic husband's life is a total mess. He was constantly critiquing everything that I did. Looking back over 30 years of marriage, he never kept a job drank and smoked too much and I always carried the financial weight. He cooked, cleaned but wow, that's it. No sexual contact later down the line, not even a hug. I left him at the end of June 2022. I started second-guessing myself all the time. I left everything behind except my laptop, computer, schoolbooks, and nursing school uniforms. I decided to return to school for my RN I am now an LPN who loves helping others, but in the meantime, my life with the narcissist was a mess. I came to the realization of how I can help others if I can't help myself. On the day of the exams, he tried to destroy me, which was the last straw. I packed my jeep and never looked back. All of our children are adults now. I just pray I didn't ruin their lives by staying with my narcissistic husband (until they were out of college and moved out of the house). Thank God they all are college grads and are leading their own lives. I pray that they can form healthy relationships. They are so happy that I made the decision to leave. My daughter said to me finally. Mom, I love you and I want you to live your best life for yourself. At that moment I never knew she felt this way Thank you so much for giving me the courage and the wisdom to do this. Thank you again. I look forward to listening to you. Listening to you, I am empowered to stay committed to NO CONTACT. May God continue to bless you. You are great at what you do.

Everything you say here Paula is so true. I have been away from him for 8 months now and the journey out of the toxic haze is so difficult but it DOES get better. I have lost almost 25 pounds, sleeping better, exercising, having JOY again. He was a complete train wreck and a liar and he had the nerve to call me damaged goods and a deceitful person. He once told me he would die alone and I believe it.

If you half to deal with a narcissist observe not absorb, they don't like that, now another thing is to stop the emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you nothing at all and don't ever let them stay rent free in your head 🗣️ thanks Paula 👍🦋 I hope everything is going good for you.

My soon ex covert narc husband of 26 years is a very successful business man.

Very good point Paula.......don't look to anyone to validate you who can't even validate themselves......thank you!

Thank you 💕 love from Albuquerque. Missed your beautiful face .

thank you for sharing your wisdom paula and love the necklace, yes the chaotic mess such an accurate description. the narc knows it's a mess up there, the perpetual loop, the chaos, the stuck mind and that's where you feel sadness for them because once you gain the knowledge you return the chaos back and that's when they become the tormented soul and who wants to be that for the rest of their lives? oh well, be the light empaths be the light have a beautiful day everyone ....

I have indeed asked myself, twice. And now you've reminded me. I realize they hate my guts. The hurt turns into anger and back and forth, rocking the boat. Listening to you smooths out the storm as I wade the waves waiting for the pirates. Thank you.

No contact is the only way to protect yourself. When I meet new narcs, I'll often drop comments that let them know I'm onto them. To someone who laid on thick compliments, I've literally stated, "Flattery will get you nowhere with me." This may have seemed rude, but I no longer care what narcs think of me. Or, you could literally stop one in their tracks by making direct eye contact and saying three words: "I see you." Follow this up by getting as far away from them as you can and never get in their eye shot again, if you can.

This may sound harsh but I’m glad my 19 yo daughter has moved out. I have had enough of being treated disrespectfully

Thank you Paula!

Amazing video Paula!!!

So true,thanks Paula.

Awesome video Paula 👍👍👍

Thankyou Paula.

You go girl! Paula is so spot-on!

Common gardner narc: after a few dates he was already criticizing my piano playing and singing. He has a tin ear, no musical training while i have advanced degrees in music. I was so low in self esteem, just out of a marriage with a psycho, isolated from family. I just took it in and kept seeing the creep.

Thank you so much for the videos and insight you bring to this issue. It has been a Godsend in so many ways. You have helped me immensely understand what has happened to me and what I have gone through for the past 19 years. Thank you very much. I have watched many other videos and channels on narcissism, but I find yours to be the most helpful. I keep playing them over and over to draw strength and clear the fog.

Thank you Paula. I see your loving care and concern for your viewers, and I love that you really 'get it'. This makes me feel so understood and supported. It's sometimes hard to make oneself understood, even sometimes by close friends. A big thank you for the time and energy you put into your videos. I value dignity, respect and compassion. We must refuse to be defined by toxic exploitative people. I've decided to jump off that wheel. This is me!!!!!!

Mine was a cheating lying mess , I just nice told him a story regarding my work , at the time i worked with the homeless I managed to get a man housed and also decrease his drug use I was so proud of him and over the moon at what we had both achieved, the ex turned around and said why do you think your so good and so what , I had never came across anything like that before now being 3 years eels but it if the relationship I just think what on earth went on and why did I stay so long so pleased it’s done

Hey Paula and Remy. Remy is do well behaved. Such an awesome video as usual. Thank you so much for caring for us. I have grew so much from you. I am healing more and more cause of your videos.

successful - happy - peaceful people don't criticize others..

Great to see that you’re still rockin it Narc Con. 💪🏻 A loving comment from the healed. Thanks so much for your wise words when I was at my lowest. I’m very happy now. I’m alone, very few people around me. Never been so happy. 😊 I used to take long walks listening to your thoughts when you were starting out.

I love the analogy of finding instructions under a rock on your journey, to help you through the next part!!! As I continue healing (3-1/2 months in), I am going to remember this! Makes me feel like I am on an adventure! Thank you for that!

Thanks, Paula!😊

Honesty Paula , I cant thank you enough for all your videos . it has taken me out of the trauma bond , I could have lost everything but I stood up and took action . When I found your videos I was thinking I made a mistake but thanks to you I have the knowledge and the strength to really move forward and be stronger ..... THANK YOU xx

My Ex-husband would ask me to do his office work (for which I was never paid) and I would get suckered into doing it thinking ‘poor hubby, he’s overloaded with work, maybe if I take some burden off of him he’ll then have some time to spend with us and play with the kids” since he was always complaining how he couldn’t do that because of all the workload - you would think he’d say something like “that’s nice/thoughtful of you, I’m grateful for the help” - instead he would act like I OWED him my time and help & would then harass me with constant reminders of how to do the assigned work and make sure I finish it on his time/schedule even when the deadline was far away and then once I would turn in the work I wouldn’t hear another word mentioned about it like what I did had amounted to absolutely nothing, it was not that important or no big deal and something he would have done anyway and it wasn’t really any favor on my part because he was paying the bills and I was obligated to help him in every possible way including doing his own office work for him. It didn’t stop there. If ignoring my contributions was not enough he also would also go the extra mile and take FULL CREDIT at the office for the work as if it was his brainchild.

Wonderful advice!❤❤

Thank you Paula. Thank you so much for your videos.

Thanks for another great informative video! They typically put down others to raise themselves up.... I once saw a quote that said; be sure when someone is criticizing you that they are working much much less than you. Thanks again! God bless you!!!

YOU ARE A GODSEND! ❤🥰

thanks Paula.

He prided himself on being a wonderful, caring husband if only women could have him they would be appreciated; I asked myself what in his background does he have to show that's he's a wonderful husband; he's been married four times now & has a harem full of girlfriends.

One of my ex narcissists sayed: I can change if you help me". I said, oh,sounds like it is all my responsibility then again, I dont like that. He: No, I know I can change. With your help. He desperately tried to make it all about my skills to help him change. No, I wouldn't.

We will recognize them by their fruit. Nothing more, nothing less. These chameleons and energy thieves are good for nothing. Since she's left I am doing much better. I actually saw her and the boyfriend over the weekend when I went cycling. Very boring unfulfilled life. The boyfriend is jobless and homeless and sleeping on his mothers couch. She is staying in her moms house and driving her late dads vehicle. I believe he sold her mountain and road bike plus surf ski for gambling money, drugs and alcohol. Wow... a real step in the right direction. Thank you Paula.

Thank You again & again Paula. Your videos Show what's REALLY going on with narcissist's. The Real cause & effect knowledge that brings awareness of ,as you said ,when these halflings LATCH ON to innocent Empaths. How to get out & heal from the narcs evil destructive "cycle" of severe abuse. How to do the steps of cutting any soul ties with these creatures, that are trying to derail from your TRUE purpose. Thank GOD, gives Power, Real Love & a Sound Mind. Only comes from Him. Peace, Paula.🕊🙏🕊

Very nice video! Super Helpful!!!!!!!

thanks paula good

The scary thing is, I never knew much about his life. He was mostly at my house with me cooking for him and him staying over. Never met any friends, heard a lot about his ex. Apparently I wasn't good enough to be let into his inner circle, although I'm not sure there was an inner circle around him at all.

you are wonderful, thank you, great vid. oh yes they are a complete mess. thriving on chaos

I changed everything in my life when i left over 40 years ago. I moved, changed jobs and made all new friends. That in itself helped get through the things my x tried to do to distroy me through friends i left behing

I watch this one often

Hi Paula ! Looking lovely as always .💖 I've started learning a new dance 💝 😀which is my passion ! Learning something new focuses the mind and helps with the ruminating about the narc ! I agree with what another person said , They are such a train wreck , so many lies ! God Bless youself and Remy and your loved ones ! God Bless this channel .🤗💝🤗

Thankyou❤

Paula...hope all is ok? This is a good way of explaining....a healing next stage journey. I've came across a next stage video. Check out...Little Sharman..."Through a mirror darkly"...I know you and others will get value from this video. Making sense of the madness. Thanks for what you do!

They're a mess.

How narcissists convince themselves and sleep at night after their evil works?

His comfortable position: never make a decision, ever. My uncomfortable position: make all the decisions, because somebody has to. His happy comfortable position: when things don't go as planned or go a bit wrong say "well this was your idea".

they will criticize you - again learn to take and give as fast as you get ! My husband once said maybe you should come to the gym with me to work on my stomach - mine you - my weight is 125 pound ! Quickly in pure calmness I responded I had 3 children , tell me again why you have a belly hanging ! His respond was you always think too much into what I say hahahahahah hurt that little feelings pure gold !

My narc had to tell me how to do everything, including how to change the toilet paper. In fact, it wouldn’t let me change the toilet paper roll saying to leave it for him. It’s too complicated. At first I thought since he has all of this investment into materialistic things that he just didn’t want his materialistic things damaged but now that you’re saying it’s about control and to make me feel less than it makes more sense. Seriously he would always say now when you do this, you gotta do this and don’t do this. And sometimes he would yell at me and call me an effing retard when I would start to do something on my own that I know how to do because I’m 52 years old. But he would never let me do things like he wouldn’t even let me wash the dishes on my own. It was so about control and so about making me feel like I was an idiot and didn’t know how to do anything at all, even though I was not much younger than he was.

Shuts up when after giving me finest scowels, I ask, "what is that look for?" Or goes to tell me something has to first bully me saying "now I don't want you saying anything, no comments"... Used to baffle me, now I see why..

The phrase is Common garden variety, not gardener.🙂 I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this Paula. X

Ugh, I got sooooo sick of his micromanagement! ...it's so overly judge-MENTAL!

The narcs confuse us 👉 6:58 ⭐️ 33 “For God is not the author of confusion; but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints”. 1 Corinthians 14:33. Thank you 💙 for this video 👍

👍liked lots

Honestly, if it weren't so heart-wrenching , gut-wrenching, life ruining and sorrowful, sometimes the way they are, and the things they do would almost be funny.

what does behind your back devaluation all about?

❤👍👍

This prideful so-called, self-proclaimed emporer's got no clothes. Even a child could see that.

Is there a legal movement anywhere in the world that recognizes how dangerous and untreatable Cluster B's are to normal people? is there a medical system for diagnosing NARCS and then keeping neuro-typicals safe from their potential murder-suicides? IF being educated about the mental illness, and going no contact is the ONLY protection we currently have, it is not enough for most people facing a criminal CON that is intended to destroy/take their life...?

No,he is a train wreck

Everything about them is and was a lie. Seeing this, as painful as this was/is, remember that everything they told you about yourself was a lie also. You are important. You're love is valuable. Devalue the loss, and GOSO.

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