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This is HILARIOUS and spot on. My wife is a 1 and I'm a 9. I about died laughing several times during this. SO good. I'm watching the video on 9s next.
@@davidsimpson983 I didn't realize how much 1s use their feelings to come to logical conclusions and have always considered my wife to be grounded in logic - it wasn't until I started learning this that I realized that she actually uses logic as a secondary filter and that her gut (feelings) is BY FAR her primary filter in the way she makes decisions and relates to the world. That is SO crazy!! No wonder it's been so easy to miss each other when we think we're tracking so well.
This was spot on. As a 1, I was lol through most of it. The expectations one was especially true...I finally lowered my expectations for mother's day after every single one of them sucked. Been a mom for 14 years, so it took me a while to get it. And the part where we think we are showing love through telling people what they can do better was eye opening... Guilty. I feel seen and I will try better.
Hmm as a one ..I can recognise most of these quirks ..why can't everyone be as good as me ?.. Perfection isn't an idea it's mandatory....and I am never wrong.
If you don't do it how will you know it's done correctly? My girlfriends never had to lift a finger because I didn't want them to mess up my way of doing things.
Haha. Totally my mom! Christmas morning: Nobody is touching their stockings or opening presents until this entire house is spotless. Ok ... now that everything is in it's place, let's have some fun!
1) True, “Now is that time”. 2) Yes, Just frustrated with everything. 3) yep, constructive criticism. 4) yes, but I rather fold it myself because they don’t fold it correctly. 5) YES! I hate surprises like that. I will always be let down and people don’t get it. 6) True, “everything’s fine” “so much to do”. 7) YES! Weekends are for cleaning! “We can finally get all the things done that we don’t have time for during the week.” Also I love your outfit on the thumbnail. 💖
oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard at myself that I am crying (okay, that's because of how messed up I must appear to others). Thank you for your humor. I have watched many of your videos on the different types. Abbey, you are spot on and hilarious.
5 and 6 were extremely accurate and I can see that in myself. I’ve seen myself do 7 when unhealthy and it’s caused contention. The first 4 I recognize in myself as well but they came across to me with less compassion than I might use (or intend to use). When correcting loved ones it is more of a “I want to make you better” than a “I know more than you” type of correction (mostly, haha). That being said I do know that this is light educational satire and that the “1” and partner are going to be slightly more cringy for the laughs. I was laughing at 4 because I’ve done the same thing with laundry and chores but I’m passive aggressive about it. “Hey, whatcha watchin’? Hmmm cool. Me? I’m just folding laundry.” *stares* If they do help I’ll have to tell them which pile is which anyways so I guess I need to pick my battles.
crejas13 😂😂😂 thank you for your insight!! Especially the bit about “I want to make you better” rather than a “I know everything” kind of attitude. These small adjustments are really important when understanding the enneagram!! And thanks for watching and supporting the channel. ♥️
As an initially oblivious 1, I had no idea that my levels of annoyance & frustration (yes, at both myself & others) were not normal, ie not universal. Those thoughts and feelings can really wreck a relationship! Enneagram's teachings gave me that original self-insight to understand myself and then grow & change towards a better (less frustrating) and more fulfilling (accepting) life.
I'm a 9 w1 so I totally relate to these. Not sure if hubby is a 1 or 3 but we talk a lot about communicating expectations and these are relatable from that side too
Type 1's are basically covert narcissists. And like all narcissists, there's really only two ways to deal with them. The first is complete avoidance. Cut them out, cut them off, ghost them, get them out of your life, whichever way is quickest and surest is best. The second is extreme intimidation, but you'd have to be severely disturbed yourself to be content with such a relationship, as no healthy and functional person wants their partner to live in perpetual mortal fear of pissing them off. 1) You must be in a position to make their lives a complete and utter hell. 2) They most be in no position to prevent you from doing #1 if you are displeased. 3) They must know that they will have NO RECOURSE WHATSOEVER, regarding #1-2. 4) They must KNOW absolutely and 100% that you will take NO shit -- absolutely ZERO bullshit will be tolerated. In this case, they will smile, shut up, keep their snotty, condescending, negativistic comments to themselves, keep their "woe is me" exhibitionistic martyr shit to themselves, be pleasant considerate, and behave appropriately. You might even think you were dealing with a normal, decent person, if you are willing to ignore how tense their muscles are, and the look in the back of their eyes. But unless you're a monster yourself, you're not going to find the juice to be worth the squeeze.
I am screaming. It's me running around like a mad woman screaming at the kids to clean up when somebody randomly decides they want to come over. I mean ad dang that was me at dinner. Lord I'm a one and need help. lmfao
😂 I'm a type one. Always doing the dishes at my boyfriend's house. Him: just put them in the dishwasher! Me: the dishwasher doesn't clean them thoroughly. You need to at least hand wash them first if you're gonna put them in to clean thoroughly. Him: what is the point! 😂😩 Roommate walks in: Did you just wash my dishes? You didn't have to. You are out of control!
I'm a Six. I had a relationship with a 7 who happened to be very sneaky and a liar mixed with the 7 traits. I had to end it. I recently met a One. This person makes me feel very secure and safe, without the person having ulterior motives. I don't feel paranoia or anything. Yay for ONES!
1w2 here. Not all ones are obsessive cleaners. While I prefer an orderly place, I hate doing dishes and honestly sometimes just shut the kitchen door to avoid them. Out of sight, no critique! However, I have had to just about bite through my tongue to stop myself from telling a total stranger that their tag is showing. And doesn't everyone agonize about the correct use of commas and semicolons? Yeah, maybe not... ;)
And then, as a one, if you know how you make other people feel, you try to hide your ideals (wing 9?) and find other ways to motivate people to do things you feel they ought to be doing. 🤣 Growth goes to 7, which is all like, "Let's DO this fools! It'll be FUN!"
My husband is a 2 with a 1 wing and oh boy did I relate to the "atmosphere of busyness and guilt"! Lol I'm a 4 so I need lots of time to carefully select the best coffee mug for my morning poetry which is a solid...2 hours... meditation...contemplation...online shopping...if I can get up early enough. Humor is definitely required because we are soooo opposite. I think we both care about the "best self" thing and generally care about making a good life and being good to others...I love enneagrams. So helpful to laugh at ourselves.
I’m a 7 but I when get upset or tired I definitely act like this!! Very entertaining 🤣😁 and cringe worthy. 😬 It definitely opened my eyes to see how much pressure I can part on my partner.
@@AbbeyHowe You are so insightful! I need help with the Enneagram to figure out how to finish papers for classes. I love doing research (5ish) and have stacks of books and tons of information, but am afraid to jump into writing the paper. That feels like a 9w1 to me. Not a 1 because they would be super organized and diligent, but a touch of one that is afraid of not knowing how to do it. That would be a great thing to watch for students of all ages!
Holy shit this is my mom to a TEE! The washing dishes part......🤣🤣🤣 literally all the time! My mom has to wash the dishes before doing anything else because its the most important thing ever . Resentment is my mothers middle name and she "lets my dad know" about this by giving him the silent treatment then refusing to tell him what he did wrong until he has begged her about 100 times first to tell him what the problem is when he cant figure it out (which he never can figure it out)
This is a very close immediate family member of mine.. and I'm actually in a place right now where I feel too overwhelmed by her and the constant not meeting her expectations.It's too much sometimes. I'm a two and I feel just worn and broken down. Sometimes it feels like she is never satisfied and never happy so I feel like I have to be that way in order to have peace in the house. Help?
Without meditation, breathwork, exercise and significant disciplines, I was a rollercoaster ball of stress. Anyone who has a 1 needs to just leave all that self discipline a 1 needs alone even if it makes no sense at all! If they are stress free, productivity and fun is far nicer and an easy flow 🔆🔆🔆
This was definitely me up until about 3 years ago. Married to a 9 for 17 years and I think I finally gave up (externally… for example I can now watch TV and ignore dishes for a week. But internally I feel terrible about it.) I also have ADHD and REALLY wonder how that affects the 1. My self-esteem is at an all-time low bc I can’t seem to make myself live up to my own standards. Is this burnout?!
Yeah number 3 hit home I’ve destroyed two relationships. In reality they probably wouldn’t have lasted bc while there are things that I do that are annoying I refused to mold myself to fit what someone else wants. So I can annoy people to the ends of the earth with my constant critiquing and my criticality bc it is the standard I hold myself to and it’s hard not to imbue that onto others.
How would someone be alright with not finishing the dresser! Just like-why doesn’t everyone have such high standard? Ah yes... the frustrated with you, me, the picture on the wall (that I painted myself), the weird tasting tea (that I kept steeped too long or didn’t add the proper amount of sweetener... and it’s my fault I’m not happy with it).... everything. But, as a one growing up in a sheltered home, I would never use a work stronger than “dang it”, because obviously I’m a good person that would never use such “language” (I realize I’ll get chastised for this, but I’ve grown up in a home where we don’t use God’s name in vain, so I have to follow the rules...). And why doesn’t my sister want me to help her with her drawings? And yes, I’ve gotten frustrated when my sister doesn’t work as hard as me. And I hate surprises because they might disappoint me and I can’t fake happiness and I’d be a disappointment to them... I hate opening presents... I feel kinda called out, Abbey. Please stop doing this. 😆 Actually don’t-I like the accuracy.
Okay but about number 4... If someone HAD come in and offered to help fold the laundry, would they have done it correctly, according to the One's standards? Ya know? That Enneagram One urge to do everything yourself not because you don't want help, but because nobody cares about the task as much as you do, and therefore they don't do it as well. Then you're left with a task you have to go back and do anyway because it's not right. Argh, so frustrating. Just sweep as thoroughly as I sweep, I want clean floors! XD
ugh i found this video because i am having the hardest time getting along with my housemate!! she is a 1 and i’m a 4, and i know that for that reason alone we are likely to bump heads. i’ve read all the stuff on the enneagram institute and i’ve figured out that she is apparently super unhealthy right now whereas i am experiencing healthier levels... but this conflict is about to drive me to find a new place to live. She is so unhealthy to the point where she is constantly patronizing me and belittling my point of view, not even saying her way is better but blatantly demanding it is the only way. this and she will do the thing in the video like “just because you’re okay doing shoddy work...” etc. I just don’t understand how anyone can say that to another human being and blame it on their personality type. We’ve talked through the issues, and she continues to act like this. true to what i’ve read about unhealthy 1s, she also REFUSES to apologize. she will word things in such a way to where, after i practically beg to understand her demeaning behavior, she will tell me the thought process behind her behavior without ever apologizing for it. this is so frustrating! i value communication and letting others be themselves so much, and i don’t understand how someone can be so patronizing and rude and yet refuse to apologize! how is that considered a normal personality trait? i don’t understand how people can normalize hatred and intolerance for others! i apologize for the rant. i love this channel! great video. i am just at a loss with this type lately :) thank you for reading
raise ur hand if uve bn personally victimized by abbey howe...cuz i kno i hv bn lol im a pretty hard core 1 w/a little w9 every now and then, and this is all soooo accurate. 😂 😂 😂 i sent it to my 9 husband w/the hashtag sorrybutkindanotsorrybutsorry lol
I notice a lot of 1s in the coments laughing about this video being really relatable for them, and I get it, the video is made in a humoristic way in order to be more approachable, but as someone who used to date a really strong 1 this video triggers so many strong emotions. The criticism that my 1 partner put daily on me really fucked me up to a level where i basically forgot who i was. I stoped living by my desires and all my actions started revolving around his need to make me as perfect as him. He had a really low self esteem, and his way of feeling better about himself was to make me feel less, so he would call me dumb, stupid and lazy literally everyday, just for him to feel superior to me, because the only way could feel good about himself was to feel better than the people around him, me included obvioulsy. He was so absourdisly unable to understand that not everybody thinks the way he día, therefore every thought I had that differed from his was automatically labeled as something stupid, childish or irrelevant, and he would mock me until I stoped having my own thoughts. I've never enjoyed doing sports, it's never been my thing but while I was with him I would exersice about 1h or 2h a day because if I didn't he would call me lazy. He could not comprehend that some people don't enjoy doing soprts as he does, and his only explanation for my dislike of sports was lazyness, and he was so blatant about it that I started to believe it, and I started to see myself as a lazy stupid person who would never be enough for him. He even changed my eating habits trying to make me build muscle. I still didn't like doing sport, i was just training my body to make him feel proud of me, I just wanted to feel enough, but for him nothing was ever enough. It was the same way about studying, if I couldn't study 5h everyday he would call me lazy, and my only motivation for studying became trying to avoid his harmful words. You cannot imagine how many times he called me dumb or stupid for every single thing I did. I could write about this for pages, but I think you got the point (if you got this far into the comment). Enneagram videos are funny, but let's not forget that this is a tool for self development and self knowledge, please, work on your shadows so you don't hurt any of your loved ones or yourself (regardless of you enneatype of course). Take care of yourselves, I wish you all plenty of self love and enlightment. Working on oneself is a harsh process but it pays off, trust the process. I really wish you all well.
Ha ha ha!. Yep, me! .... sorryyyy😬. I believe I'm a 1 but my Enneagram trainer suspects me to be a 6 so I can't wait to see the 6 video to compare! (True that I think I am in the mental triad more than the gut triad. But 1 type seems so spot on each time...anybody else struggling between 1 or 6?)
@@AbbeyHowe we work in groups of twenty (so that everyone can do a feedback as we learn and uncover our types, wings, etc.). Discussing with the othets of our experiences is really enriching. It's really great. I was 1 all along until we did the weekend on the triads. Unless I am wrong on that point I truly believe belonging to the mental rather than the gut triad, although I do believe that I am more angry than scared. Aaarrrgggghhh! Now I'm trying to confirm whether I am 6 or 1 (6 and 1 have quite a few things in common). Do you mean to tell me you have learned and understood all this by reading books??? Never attending any sort of class? Wow!!! Must say: 3 is my favorite type. I admire them so much!!! You're doing a great job. Great analysis and very funny to watch! Sending you my admiration from Tahiti!!!🌴🐠🥥🌺
I've also been between a 1 or 6! I've concluded that I'm a 1, but have anxiety that makes me look like a 6 🤷🏻♀️ I haven't done thorough research, though, just watched lots of videos on RU-vid. But this 1 video is DEFINITELY me!
Honestly i did the test and i seem to be a One but i feel like I'm also another type? I am all these things when I'm tense and anxious but ive become more soft and relaxed too, so I'm not as obsessed about certain things anymore (i used to be)
Hmm...seems more Self-Pres 1 specifically, but I relate to a fair bit of it. Your particular version of a1 reminds me of Amy Santiago from Brooklyn 99 (who is indeed a 1).
OMG..I'm a "1" dating a "7." This has increased my empathy for my "7" BF who has to be in relationship with me. Now I'm going to check out how to be in a relationship with a "7"...
Well most of them are only when a 1 is unhealthy. I am an average/healthy one. Can only imagine myself doing the facebook correction or reaction to shit food :)
“The living room is filthy” Post a photo of the living room with a poll to your stories just to validate that the living room is spotless and your type 1 spouse is ridiculous.
