as an asexual person with mental health problems, who has a crush on one of my best friends, and has never been in a relationship before, this was very helpful, thank you!
I just came out to my parents today as lesbian and it went really well and now an ask queera video is exactly what I need right now this video was so comforting and helpful thank youu
All your advice is so empathic and kind and considering all sides of something. Also you're emphasizing how important communication and therapy is and I love that! I love everything you said in this video, thank you for doing this. ❤ It's so helpful for me and thousands of people watching your content! 🙏✨
Just came here to say that as a queer dude in North Carolina, your video notifications always brighten my day. Watching you feels like checking in with an old friend who knows you so well, and I love that about your content. So thank you, Aunt Queera. ☺️🏳️🌈
Eyyyyy queer* North Carolinian gang! *Well not entirely, I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or 'straight with extra steps' lol. Currently in the bi-curious stage
For the person with the mental health/break up question ! I'm not a therapist and I don't know your diagnosis if you have one, but speaking from experience, often mental health problems will make you isolate yourself, but it can start a vicious cycle. We feel like we need to be alone, either to have more energy, or to not bother people, but more often than not it worsens the problem for you. So I'd agree that keeping people of trust in your life is extremely important ! And yeah, if you feel like you're a bother, try thinking about what you bring to the relationship and ask your partner what you bring them. I know it's hard to convince yourself of your self worth, but it might help you to see that it's not one way, if they stay with you it's probably that you bring them happiness ^^ I know it's hard and I know this was long and rambly, I just wanted to stress that a support system is so precious and I'd hate for anyone to isolate themselves for reason that seem totally legitimate when you're in the moment, but might just be the mental health speaking. Obviously like Keera I'd really recommend therapy or counseling when available/affordable, and I hope I can give some good vibes to anyone reading this, and that the perspective brought you something :)
This is so annoying so I’m ganna get it off my chest….. I identify as queer I personally am attracted to all genders, I’ve noticed im attracted to women more but i fall for guys more and it’s annoying because I necessarily would never want to be an a romantic relationship with a guy 😫😭
Doing research about attraction in general might be helpful. Read the Lesbian Masterdoc, maybe? (I am not saying "you might be/ are a lesbian". There is some stuff in it about attraction to men in general and why that is so heavily influenced by the society we live in... ) Anyways, just suggestions based on my experience as a fellow queer. Much love ♡
Thank you so much for being such a kind and proud queer. I have been questioning my sexuality for a long time and recently I started to develop really strong feelings for this girl at my school. My internalized homophobia grew and became very strong. But thanks to you and your videos, I am finally able to accept this! So thank you!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
I had the same experience with ED recovery and dating (I’m fully better now). We did things like escape rooms, coffee date, trip to the park etc. But I do advise telling a partner early on, because if you’re recovering you need people around you who will help not hinder that. With my ex I didn’t mention that I was in recovery and I ended up avoiding dates because I couldn’t eat in front of people and non-food related dates were also a problem if they lasted too long and stopped me from meeting my meal plan. It can be helpful to do things like discussing which compliments are ok and not triggering/ what not to mention/ touch in terms of your body if you’re going to be romantic/ sexual and you’re struggling with dysmorphia. And if you have the discussion then you can bring your own food if necessary and have a picnic, or time dates so that they don’t clash with mealtimes. I know it sounds boring and scary, but honestly when I dated in early recovery it was a nightmare and I wouldn’t recommend it unless it’s a person you really trust and can explain your circumstances to.
THANK U FOR THE 30 MINS OF CONTENT?! i always look forward to your videos and am so forever grateful for u!! thank you for being my biggest inspiration keara :,) 💛💛💛💛💛
5:00 sorry this may be irrelevant but i feel like that statement that negative things happen for a reason to help you learn and be stronger is so harmful to trauma survivors like myself i understand where the intentions come from but sometimes bad things happen no lessons nothing
taking notes 43.when your partner has a high sex drive have a convo abt that 44.when having an ex you have to think about.. (is this a positive thing in my life, is it helping me learn, what good comes out of this, what bad comes out of this.) 45.you can’t get over your ex if your still in contact with them (block them) 46.^^^ spend time with friends/family and people who lift you up
Thank you somuch for this. I have recently tried to figure out what a healthy relationship really is, before I get back into one I want to be sure of what red and green flags to look out for. So thank you, this has been really helpful.
This was one of my absolute favorite videos I have ever watched of yours which is saying a LOT because you are my FAVORITE YT CHANNEL!! Your advice (and you!) are so positive yet realistic and though I’m still quite young, questioning and single, this is so helpful and I genuinely LOVED watching this. ILYSM KEARA!!! thank you for everything you’ve opened up to us about ~ I’m so grateful for you 🥺🥺🥺❤️❣️❤️
this helped so much! i'm a lesbian and have recently had conflicting feelings towards a close girl friend who has stated before that she's had a crush on me, but says she's straight. along with this, i seem to be the only one in the group who she is 'lovey' with and it had me feeling some typa way ngl- but i've realised that it's the affection i'm attracted to, not her (that sounds awful, i know, but we have a lot of arguments and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship)
I now this feeling my first girl crush was also straight and had feelings for me...I'm a lesbian btw^^ But I wasn't the only girl she was that close... I dismissed my chance but I'm happy at the same time because she never could be open about that relationship we could have... So you know you're not alone in the world
I've experienced this too!! I developed strong feelings for one of my close friends (I'm a lesbian and she's straight) and for a while she was extra "lovey" towards me, more than with our other friends, and it was VERYY confusing because she would mention how she was straight but at the time her actions said otherwise lol I'm completely over her now but to this day, I don't know for sure if what I felt for her were real feelings (we had been friends for a very long time so we built quite a connection) or if it was the affection/idea of being with her (which would probably be my guess)... so you are definitely not alone in that :)
you are such a pure person!! i love the things you say and the advice you give is sooo good. NEED PART TWO. btw you look stunning with your new hairstyle I LOVE IT!!!!
Your advice and tips are so empathetic and honest and open minded and enjoy your videos a lot and loved this video a lot. Thank you so much cause I don’t feel like I’m all alone in this world
I LOVE UR GLASSES (even though u didn't wear them this video) i'm looking for a new pair, do u know where u got them or something similar coz im kinda obsessed
On the subject of the "how to introduce a partner to parents who don't accept the relationship": introducing them as a friend *can* work, but it's a good idea to talk to your partner about it first. Many people feel like being introduced as a friend instead of a partner is invalidating to the relationship and it may be hurtful. Others may not care at all or may even prefer it. Just be sure to check in with your partner before making a decision on their behalf as to how your family sees them.
22:02 when I started dating with my now-girlfriend, we both didn't know to do, she have never been in a realtionship, I haven't in like 5 years? (and I'm 20, so previous relationships weren't serious). We used to joke (well sometimes we still do) "It's not like we both don't know what to do, we both KNOW EXACLY THE SAME THINGS, which is almost none, but like we are at the same level so good". Also, when I can't believe, that we are together I say to myself "If she didn't want to be with you, she would have told you" (and once I even texted her that I sometimes have to think like that and she replied "Yes, I would, but I don't want to, so I don'' tell you that" and then she added "I want to be with you" and OMG, my heart melted, I love her soo much). So I recomand telling yourself something like that like "they would tell me, they are responsible enought, they are mature enought, they can say that in any moment, they just don't want to". 23:30 I had a problem when I can go with my now-girlfriend on our first date, bacause... expensive restaurant? I can pay, but she will be uncomfortable. KFC? sounds good, but maybe not on first date. Coffe? She doesn't drink coffe and doesn't like sweet things, so no. Also ordering food (yes, even on screens, when you just click and don't talk with anyone) stresses the s*it out of me, like I can be stressed for 15 minutes after saying "all" after being asked ifI want all vegetables on my kebab or just some, so it is not good thing when you are on a date. So what did I proposed? Cementary. (But more like park-one, biggest in our country, 5 minutes of walk from where we with my date live). Seriousely. First date. What was I thinking? She agreeded without hesitation. (I knew she would I knew who I am taking on a date). And for like 2 hours we were talking just about cementary - how big it is, how many statues it has, how crying children somewher ahead are building climat... We normaly have plenty common subjects, but we were stressed, but like I said, 2 hours talking about cementary. If you don't have cementary, park should be good to, I'd love date in a park (we will go there, but in spring, not now, but soon). Or museum, like recomended in video. We were week ago in museum and I had so much fun (although my girlfriend had to buy my a ticket, cos I was scered, and for first 10 minutes I was quiet and usaully I am not, but after that it was awsome). Also I am a little bit sorry for talking for so long, I seriousely need to learn how to write short comments, but... I am very talkative person and also I just can't shut up when I can talk about my girlfriend, sooo. Anyway, hope it helps someone, also really good video, love for everyone 💗🧡💛💚💙💜
The part about a partner having a depression. My partner has been going through this. It’s been affecting our relationship. She doesn’t know she’s hurting me constantly. She has lots of mood swings and pushes me away. She doesn’t tell me anything or opens up to me. Whenever I talk to her, I feel so drained. I’ve done everything I can do to make her open up to me or to make her feel better but nothing is working. Her mood is very unstable. I need advice please.
heyy, i am very sorry about what you’re going through... just wanted to say that i totally understand, i used to have a girlfriend who is bipolar and she too had mood swings and pretty much everything you wrote about. at the beginning it was very difficult (i also was struggling with some identity crisis and stuff like that) but we both decided to try in every way, she used to disappear for days and just don’t talk to me about everything going on, but i learned to accept her and her feelings and what was going on with her, i started listening to her and not forcing her to do anything, i totally gave her my trust and told her not to worry at all about me, that i was always there no matter what she did, and in fact it helped a lot. it was so much sacrifice, i gave her everything without having anything in change, but it was my choice and i was happy with it. then i started going through a very tough period and exactly the same happened, but it was her being always there for my, even though she was sick herself too. we had a very intense relationship but it was such a good and forming experience... we now have broken up since 2 years and we’re still very good friends. we don’t see eachother often but she always calls me when she needs to feel safe and secure, same do i. i know it was long, but i wanted to tell you that you should talk to your partner about how you feel, that you should tell them you totally love them and support them and are there fore them, but that you also need them to do the same, or at least try. you also are a person and you don’t need to feel bad about needing something from your partner. my advice is to truly talk to them and make them understand. maybe they don’t even get it that they are hurting you, communication is everything in relationships i think, and seriously talk to them!! it’ll help :)
@@inannausuruk628 thank you so much for taking out time to share your story and giving me advice. I really appreciate this. 🥺❤️ Will definitely do this
I'm really sorry. I think as a partner of a depressive person, as hard as it sounds you also need your own time and space. It can be hard to be enjoying things when you feel guilty about the other one not being good. But you have to understand that you can't make her depression go away and you are not responsible for that. Of course you should support her and talk to her and listen to her, but you need to have a balance. Otherwise it's gonna drown you. Also, you might talk to a therapist about it.
@@pinkydust5219 balance of your space and spending time together and of talking about her emotions, but also talking about your emotions. You're allowed to feel sad or angry as well, even if it's a different feeling than what she is feeling. And obviously a balance of the relationship itsself: a relationship should never consume your entire identity.
I'm so glad you make these videos- I don't really have anyone to ask these type of questions to, so I feel very comforted when I watch your #AskQueera videos
Just wanted to say thank you for doing #AskQueera and just all of your content. As a queer teen it is so important to have adult figures in our lives that we can look up to who can help us, and cover "sensitive topics" that the rest of society dont like. So thank you!!!
I dated my best friend for a year when we were 12, but we broke up (cuz we were 12 lmao) I’m 16 now and my gf is mad because I’m still friends with my best friend. Me and my best friend have been friends since we were 2. Yeah, we dated, but we both decided that it was clear we were just meant to be friends. My girlfriend wants me to stop being friends with her, which i won’t ever do, but I don’t wanna lose my girlfriend 🤷🏼♀️
I think you should have a talk with your gf and tell her that it’s nothing going on with you and your bsf, a lot of couples don’t want they partners to still be friends with they ex because they are scared something might happen, so you just have to explain to her that y’all are only friends
Honestly just talk to her, talking is the only way to solve this. Explain how you feel and that just because you are friends with your best friend doesn’t mean you are into her in that way. Especially since you dated at 12! If it’s controlling snd she’s trying to limit your life and who you are friends with, then it’s not a healthy relationship.
19:01 When I was on first date with my now-girlfriend we were both "What are we supposed to talk about", because like... are there any special date subjects? or is it just a normal talk, like the ones we are having every day (we study together and in you know uni-house-for-students-or-whatever-is-the-name-of-it we live literaly next door, so we were seein each other almost every day, we often were alone, when her roommate left, sooo... second part of our date was sitting in my room, just like we sit everyday in hers [her roommate is her friend and studies with us, mine is really good roommate, but doesn't know any of us that well]). So like? Is it supposed to be different than our normal conversations? when setting is almost the same? and the only difference is that is called "date"? We were soooo stressed, but we started to complain about uni, and we relaxed and it was very good date. And we ended up together (two and a half month right now), so realy cool, so whet in doublt, complain about school, 100% effective, I would recomand
I do not remember if I actually pressed the 'send' button on instagram when I saw the sticker or not but I actually really love this series and hope maybe there is a second part or just more of these to come. it not only gives me insight on what others might be feeling and how to address those problems if they're similar to mine but it's also just entertaining and comforting to watch. I hope maybe there is another part where we can hear more advice and questions (like mine if the past me actually pressed send but idk if I did or not lol)
okay, so i have this thing and im gonna say it here, bc this feels safe.. so im a lesbian, and lately ive bbeen noticing that i find boys attractive, but this only goes for like celebrities. and not guys that i know, and i dont really see myself kissing a guy but maybe in a relationship but with woman, i wanna kiss them and i wanna be in a relationship. i also noticed that i find myself attracted to women way more, the guy things has only been going on for like a week, idk what to do!!!
I don't know if you want advice or if you just wanted to get this of your chest. Either way there's nothing wrong with the way you feel so don't worry too much about it. It might just be a phase (oh wow how much I hate to say this) or it's a new part of your sexuality you now get to explore if you want to. A lot of my straight girl friends say about themselves that they think women are hot and they would maybe date a woman if they happen to fall in love with some but just don't really see that happening and therefore consider themselves 100% heterosexual. So it's totally possible to think men are attractive while still considering yourself a lesbian. Nobody but yourself can tell you what your sexuality means to you 💕
@@we.genuinely.think2882 thank you so much, the thing is i am lesbian, when i see woman and when i picture me in a relationship with a woman, i know for sure, but i feel like im lying to myself when i find a man attractive. and idk what im feeling but i dont see myself like bisexual, bc i would probably only date woman. but when i see celebrities its just there cute and handsome. but i dont feel like being in a relationship. but sometime i feel like im lying to myself or that I force myself yk
I have been there and I know it is very confusing!! First off, I just wanted to say that these are totally valid feelings to have and it's okay to be confused/question your sexuality. Secondly, when you say that you can't see yourself kissing a guy but you still find male celebrities attractive and that you feel like you're lying to yourself or that you are forcing it, it's possible that what you are experiencing is something called "comp het" (short for compulsory heterosexuality). I'm not sure if you have ever heard of it, but it is pretty much just based on "societal norms"... I also thought it was worth mentioning aesthetic attraction, because I feel like not enough people know what it is or that it's even a thing! Personally, that's what helped me A LOT when I was figuring out my sexuality (I'm a lesbian too) and that's when it all started to make sense haha but finding someone "aesthetically attractive" means that you can appreciate the way that they look, but you would not kiss them/anything more (sexual attraction) or date them (romantic attraction) which seems like the way that you have been describing your feelings towards men. I have heard it being described as similar to the way some people feel when they see a pretty sunrise/sunset or a nice landscape. I am not sure if any of that will help you at all, but I just thought I would share that with you because like I said I have been there and I wish I had known what aesthetic attraction was when I was first figuring out my sexuality as it definitely would have saved me some confusion!! I hope I helped somewhat :)
@@we.genuinely.think2882 I would say keep in mind that aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are all different things. Just because you notice male celebrities being attractive doesn't necessarily mean that you are sexually attracted to them, it could just be aesthetic attraction. I would say just let time do its thing and you'll figure it out.
btw, the lesbian hearts that are in the thumbnail are the colors of a les flag that excludes trans women. i just wanted to let you know! can’t wait to watch the video!
Ooookay so I recently dealt with this one so I can try to give my own advice in addition to Keara 2:44 So this might only work for people who's love language is physical affection, but for me and a friend of mine, we hug our friends a lot and we like holding hands, but (not sure how it was with them as it was before we met but they're the one who told me about this) I noticed it felt different with this one person that at the time I had just thought I liked due to their personality. Honestly, it's pretty subtle sometimes, and it just takes a bit of experimenting with people you know you don't like and how different the person feels. Try finding a person who treats you similarly (worked for me) and see if you feel the same way towards them. Again, this isn't the most reliable advice, as it is purely my experience as well as my friend who helped me out, but it might work and I want to help however I can.
As a queer person who’s never dated women, only got out of a long term relationship/engagement (and an extremely conservative Christian environment) a year ago, and isn’t looking for a new relationship quite yet… I’m filing away all of this wisdom. It’s helping me feel more prepared for my eventual next relationship :)
Hi, Keara and happy Tuesday!😊😊😊😊😊😎☀. WOW! You look absolutely stunning with the makeup, the earrings and the outfit!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙👍. And welcome to the first day of March!😊😙💙💙💙💙💙🌷🌈💜💜💜💜💜💜😊😎☀⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐👍
The question about if they love someone or the way that person treats them I can see would overlap. That's kind of how love works isn't it? Where you get to know the person and how they treat you being considerate honest open-minded is part of the love that grows...eh?
Thanks Keara/Queera, I though I liked this person but now I realise I only like the idea of them and how they treat me and that I dont really see them in ” that”way. It’s still confusing and I’m scared I might hurt them by acting like I like them, but Thank you! :)
With the person whose partner isn’t replying to messages, it could also be anxiety. I’m autistic and when I was younger I used to get really stressed about responding to messages, it developed into this phobia type reaction where I just couldn’t do it. Just a thought!
to the person at 19:58: just because there are good times (in toxic relationships) doesn't mean that the relationship was good. If you feel bad 5 days a week and have 2 great days with them, it's not worth it.
