Are All Avoidants Covert Narcissists? | What To Look For 

You know when you've dealt with them because nothing is normal. You can't quite put your finger on it, but problems can never be resolved. And you feel like you're slowly suffocating alive.

1. Their lies are so effective that they can even fool themselves. 2. How you feel when you are with them. (Or after you have been with them.) 3. Their grandiosity will begin to leak out and be revealed through demonstrations of entitlement, arrogance, admiration seeking, and exploitation of others.

If you're in a relationship with an avoidant, run. Just fucking run. Get out. It'll be hell. You'll be gaslighted into oblivion just for wanting baseline levels of mutual trust, attention, affection, and wanting just a crumb of your emotional needs met. You'll never out-love their issues. And it'll leave you broken and unsure of yourself in every way.

I think some people become avoidant after dealing with a covert narcissist because there’s never any resolution and trust is so badly damaged that it’s hard to want to put effort into a relationship after that. So much healing needs to be done after that kind of relationship

I was in her web. It's insane these people exist. It was the most bizarre experience. Love bombing is no joke...

I was married to a covert narcissist for 24 years. I had to study it just to keep my sanity. I searched for years before I figured it out. I wish I had known about this disorder so I could have my life back.

If they are rude or condescending do it back , always pass the ball back , they won't hang around and most probably they will reveal themselves first . Narcissists want to do / say things to you that they would never tolerate from you in a million years .

You are overlooking a HUGE issue. Trying to describe narcissistic abuse to others who have NOT experienced it is very very difficult and given that... The abused may look like the narcissist themselves as they do not feel understood either.

I have a perfect test: tell them no to something they really want

It seems you partly describe a grandiose narcissist, a covert would not lie to make others believe they’re successful, they’d always play the poor victims/losers, but on the other hand they’d create a facade of being the best helper/most altruistic person in the world who wouldn’t harm anyone. Coverts are the most dangerous narcissists, they show up as helpless „kids“ and break your intuitive boundaries.

They talk at you for hours about their favourite subject, themselves, until you find it hard to stay awake.

I think the most important thing is for people to realize when they're in a toxic situation, and to see when they're being mistreated. Get out as fast as possible and worry about the diagnosis later. There are also those people who like to call every ex of theirs a narc, it gets a bit silly. But it's important to also be aware of the characteristics of narcissism (without looking for one behind every bush lol) because otherwise you can waste years believing the empty promises, investing in the wind, and end up with things like PTSD, cognitive dissonance etc.

True. They stress you, sleep deprivation, chaos in your life then messes with you balance system. Then they deplete your cortisol then that blows off your body regulation system then your internal organs start to struggle then you hormones then your entire body will become sick and you will get so sick you will die. Stress is number one killer for a reason. These people bring stress 500 billion times the normal. Your happiness is diminished. Your peace is gone you won't be able to get it back. Your brain chemistry becomes unbalanced. They literally will drain the life out of you. HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT? HOW CAN YOU LOVE THAT? HOW CAN YOU MISS SOMEONE SO EVIL?

I agree with you completely. I’ve been married to a covert narcissist for 40 years and now he’s become grandiose cruel and pretty much completely insane at age 57. I’m divorcing him

The difference is the intention, the whole focus of a covern narcissist is YOU, while the avoidant per se is die to their fear of independence. However, the effect is the same, it will profoundly hurt your self-esteem to be around them. I've been with both, and I can tell you one is a monster and the other just has tunnel vision.

My old aunt survived a long marriage with my narcisistic uncle. He passed away a couple of years ago, and now, she is showing up signs of dementia, always recalling events from that marriage over and over. Only God can tell, but we all think their toxic lifestyle has a lot to do with her condition. In short, pay attention to the words of our smart counselor Chris,...because what he is saying makes a lot of sense.

RU-vidr heal NPD did a great video on this very subject. He said all narcs have grandiosity and vulnerability. Covert narcs have overt vulnerability that masks covert grandiosity, and overt narcs have overt grandiosity that masks covert vulnerability. He used quadrant system instead of a linear continuum too. But I think you’re right about all this.

Narcissists lie. There's no way they'd answer ANY test truthfully, but rather answer what they think will make them look good.

It took me til I was 30 to really realize why I felt so off as a kid growing up. It was bc my mom and brother are covert narcissists and my dad enables them, not to mention other relatives that were narcissists as well like my grandparents who would walk all over our family, taking advantage of my parents' compassion. This is why when you cross me, its no more Mr. Nice Guy. I dont play the "oh well they're family" game...thats a great way to let people ruin your life using excuses like that

I agree with your perspective that coverts are simply the same thing as an overt, just better at hiding. However, i would like to add, based on my extensive experience with coverts (sadly for me), that the main reason they "hide" is because they think they can't get away with being overt. Yes, stressors of life can cause their mask to drop, but also being successful in life will cause them to feel that they can get away with grandiosity, and they will be thrilled to expand into that. If they feel they have gained enough social capitol of some kind (money, looks, social position, etc..) then they will feel emboldened to let their freak flag fly.

It’s almost like it’s too late, because once you figure all these things out, you’re already involved. I wish there were signs so that I wouldn’t get involved. I’m still enduring a year-long smear campaign from the last one who just won’t relent.

This spectrum view is accurate. I would go so far as to say they shift depending on who they are interacting with. They find, when dealing with someone like myself, that they have a false sense of Power and Safety. That is how I have made them back down throughout my long life. They have simply forgotten that they can be victims too. Authenticity is like mosquito repellant to them... Especially an authentic person who will "nail them to the wall" for a lack of better phrase. Authenticity is the only true Power, so don't be afraid to be yourself. And understand, this is a life long struggle because they are everywhere.

In a teen friendship situation, a covert narcissistic destroys their 'friend'. Hurts them directly thru lies, but also all the flying monkeys they garner and character assassination they employ.

"Sleeper agent" perfectly explained 👌 👏

Great topic and video, here's my feedback. [1] Yes the covert narc is extremely difficult to spot. But one of the best ways to get an indication is to look at their whole family, or their group of friends. You have to see them in these other environments, and it would help if you can see them when they're not aware that you can see them. If there are signs of Cluster-B among these people (especially family), then you might start wondering about covert narcissism. Typically, they are impossible to detect without long term observation, but the presence of Cluster-B people in their orbit is a Clue, and it's JUST a clue. [2] Covert narcs DO frequently expose themselves kind of like a hermit crab. They use dog whistles and then quickly retreat into their shell and go back to the fake niceness. They do cruel things randomly and then quickly retreat into their shell of fake niceness. They do this shit repeatedly, like a Broken Record ... wash/rinse/repeat. It will affect you just like Chinese Water Torture. And that is the best way to explain it. [3] The covert narc is almost impossible to spot, they are invisible most of the time. Really the only way to get a glimpse is to look at the people who are in direct contact with this person for a long time ... and see if any of them are being dog whistled etc. People who are in the orbit of the covert narc will know that the covert narc is "sometimes a genuine jerk', and this is because they are like Hermit Crabs. Hope that helps. [4] If this person seems like they have two (slightly) different personalities, one personality which they privately share with you, and a slightly different personality when in a group of others ... that would be a Clue, and ONLY a clue. They are typically almost impossible to detect in conversation until they start in with the abuse, and then they are highly visible whenever they come out of that Hermit Crab shell and they are not nice. They can be rude, abusive, nagging, and/or deliberately stupid. And they do those things repeatedly, like a junkie, because they seek narc supply. Hope that helps.

They should teach this in high school 🏫

This is an absolute refinement as an analysis I’ve had my years of experience with one and you nailed it

Yes.. "something is off and you can't ever put your finger on it"

The people who have close relationships with them will know best, and probably appear 'different' but will be the scapegoat for their stuff as they deflect truth and blame shift. My personal truth sadly. The vicious lies were the worst. Excellent coverage on a difficult to detect thing. 😎🌟 They drain the life outta you! You'll know when you know. Run!😅

Overts and Coverts are narcissists who were traumatised at a different age. I much prefer Overts to their stealth version with the crocodile tears. You can deal with Overts, but not with Coverts.

It took 20yrs for me to see her ‘death stare’. Then I saw it the following week as her mask fell off. Always had that unsettling off feeling around her and couldn’t put my finger on it. She used to switch from vulnerable to overt but mostly vulnerable.

Any narcissist can engage in “covert narcissist” behaviour, it’s all relative to the power and control they have in a specific case.

Once they have new supply.. even if not romantic but when they gain another friend, they will backstab you. Once they gain confidence not shown much before, they will show their true face, the mask will drop & they can be rude to you, acting unaware they are doing this. Like childish behavior.

Another thing …. Under narcissistic abuse … the abuser makes it all seems normal, or they outright tell you not to open your mouth… parents can be narcissists and they can also use the Bible against the victim stating that they have the right to abuse you cause they are parents …. Then the victim won’t say anything and thinks it’s normal

I’d like to hear the definition of “narcissism” in context of a selfish, insane society that values paper over people.

Had an overt for 14 years there was no guessing except what might happen moment to moment.Escaped with my children. Then had a wonderful man for 14 years who passed away fro mancer waited 7 years didnt date at all and allowed myself to be taken in by the one im with now. He is mostly quiet but see its to gather info to use or twist later.Seemed at first to have good values, humble and kind was definately a fast moving love bomber .Now at 3 year mark and wow ! Lies about past conversations lies about some people to other people,lies about accomplishments .Saus things i had no idea he thought and its scary. The way he walks you can see he feels superior over every other person never seems to think hes inferior not humble at all yet 1st to say he is . If someone calls him out he is quietly enraged and lies his way out of what they say happened. I dont argue or try to talk about things anymore as how can you with someone who can look you in the eye and change a whole conversation. It would be pointless to keep trying Have had a few things happen lately that could have ended in a bad accident for me or worse and thought WOW that was so on purpose and if anything happens to me everyone will think hes wonderful for paying for a funeral lol and feel bad for him 😮Best apologie ever was im sorry you feel that way . I explained it to my friend like this : He could push me off a cliff and when im falling with a hurt heart , asking whyyyy? Why would you push someone you claim to love? He would say with a smirk on his face, Whaaat ! I would never push anybody and add im sorry you "feel like" you are falling. Then run to to the bottom give me a fake hug and say sweetly, We are ok, you're an emotional mess babe, thats enough of that to dismiss it all. And all i can say is i knew it was off ! I could feel it to the bone but i was foolish and ran with what i thought could possibly have a happy ending. Lol NOT !!! I didnt even know what narcassism was until i started trying to figure this guy out. Prayers for wisdom strength and courage for everyone here on their own search !

You are one of the few people who are honest about the consequences of a toxic person or a narcissist with regard to the title of this video! Thank you!!!

From my experience (I’ve only been involved with one true covert narc), they will show their grandiosity through belittling you. The content of their criticism will show you how highly they perceive themselves. For example, one time I told my ex we should get into the gym; his response, “if I got back into the gym, you would lose me so fast.” And for context, this statement was right after he hoovered me back into his life with repeated calls/apologies/gifts. This is just one of hundreds of examples. But I saw his grandiosity in the way he belittled me. That along with the serial cheating, gaslighting, giving me an sti, finding way to destroy my career, the list goes on. They are absolute monsters. Their avoidant behaviors have a deeper sadistic intention, unlike regular avoidants who just have tunnel vision.

My exes need for admiration is something im wrapping my head around a year later. He was so subtle at first, the love bombing was so intense and addictive... but then the demands for admiration whilst belittling my needs. I once told him that i like it when I am greeted after getting home from work by him looking up from his phone, standing up and acknowledging that i am back. Well, didn't that give him the ammunition to tear me down!! Forever after that, he had a line about me "expecting him to drop everything and stand up like the Queen had entered the room" that he said with such contempt!! He was selfish, cruel, saddistic... yet it was always a requirement for me to admire him and praise him and give endlessly to him from my ow resources, no matter how depleted i was. Every aspect of a true narcissist that can be mentioned, i have examples of what thelat looks like from that relationship now. And every horrible symptom of the aftermath is something i have now experienced. I hope he lives the rest of his miserable days single and dies alone. Not because i am cruel, but because i know he won't change and i don't want anyone else to suffer at his hands.

💯 Integrity. Super simple test. Edit: There was a point I knowingly interacted with legit narcissists (or, at least, highly covert and malignant people) in order to better understand both them and myself. It was an expensive but exceptionally valuable lesson. In view of long-term risk/reward I don't regret it. But I wouldn't do it twice. Lol

I only realized that there was an issue after it was too late. And I only learned what a covert narcissist is YEARS after going no contact… Your content is spot on! 👍🏻

The best way to spot a narcissist is if they lie a lot and if they are “contrarian” a lot. They don’t like solutions or collaboration with others toward peace, and they want others to be either confused or in their control. This has to be a large pattern, not only 1 or 2 occasions. Anyone doing this as a pattern in any way is not a healthy person to be around.

I thought my guy was such a good listener. What he was doing is recording my stories, especially what would make me unhappy, or my triggers. He then knew exactly and covertly he could double down.

Bullying, Invalidating, Insults,Lies, etc. But they may make you gloss over those, because you are focused on Surviving the others!

I have specialized in narc abuse since 2008. Your information based on putting thE research together with incredible visuals is the best out there. You really get it. The DSM is always too far behind and limiting this diagnosis

Thank you for making this video.

I was married to a covert narcissist for 20 years. It was a slow death of my soul and what is left of it has become avoidant. Covert narcissists has killing you mentally a prioritized goal, and they will make it, given enough time.

I really like the honesty about the video. Authenticity is so rare these days. I appreciate it. Thank you your videos are so informative and helpful.

This is so spot on bro. They flip flop bc there’s nothing real underneath it all. Another way of seeing it is with attachment theory, anxious flips to avoidant and vice versa. Fight or flight as well

4:55 - 7:55 is describing a sociopath. and there are sociopathic elements to narcissism. They are always on top, ahead of the game, never loose, and never have to admit to being wrong because....wait for it....they are never wrong.

The cover narcissist is by far the most dangerous narcissist.

I’ve been following you for years, always appreciatively! Bust gotta say I’m REALLY loving your new content! 🔥

My ex best childhood friend already formed narcissistic personality disorder when she was in her early teens. I remember her telling me more than a couple of times: "the trick is to lie so well, that you even starting to believe it. Believe it first and then start lying- it always worked for me." And these were just cases when she had to lie to her parents in order for us to sneak out the house to attend parties. When we grew up I hurtfully had to realize that she is not good for me, she hurt, lied and betrayed me and my trust. It so sad to see a once healthy person turn into something like this.

Really interesting take on this subject and very relatable. Having been with a female covert as I exerted pressure on her true intentions 9months in those grandiose characteristics started to show. Really enjoyed this video

Your videos are so good and help with a range understanding that methologies lack. Thank you

my highschool sweetheart and fiance of 20 years is a covert narc. no one chooses to stay with a narc after figuring it out, they stay quiet till finding the way out, then they go no contact. It then becomes a subject you are unlikely to share due to fear of attracting more of the same.

I think you should do more videos like these. It's more healing and educational to people that may have forgotten about their own welfare and mental health trying so hard to "get their ex back." I've come to realize that the right person wouldn't have chosen to leave, unless of course YOU yourself are the abuser. Otherwise, no matter what, the behavior that is displayed post break-up by someone avoidant or narcissistic can be extremely damaging and not representative of love or compassion.

I took it and got 19%. I answered as honest as I could, and I thought I was a narcissist after what my ex said!

Excellent vidéo to explain ! 👌🏽

Love this video so useful thanks! ❤

Yes the “off” feeling…that explains it perfectly. It’s been enough to make me second guess everything. Making me wonder if this weird vibe is just me dealing with my own distrust and ptsd from post narc relationship. I’ve started evaluating the overall relationship since we’ve been friends for years so I weigh out the relationship if I put our friendship on the justice scales how would it balance out regarding give and take…that’s been the eye opener for me. Not just throwing around the “narc” term. I started counseling because I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I had completely disassociated emotionally from everything and everyone and made excuses for my ex to my counselor that I believed.

Your video is so good, it made me give up making more videos about narcissism. Almost :D

Everyone I don't like is a narcissist. And everyone who endlessly talks about themselves because they want to portray themselves as victims of a narcissist is an empath.

This is by far the best video I'seen on covert narcissism.

Omg my ex cherie was absolutely one of these, and I've always wondered why her ex took his own life!

I’ve lived with and CAREFULLY observed narcissistic. From roommates to girlfriends. I see their “Reality” so clearly. I read them like a book. It truly is insane it be a legitimate narcissistic. Great video… You seem to know it well..

Thank you for this video.

Awesome video Chris!! I love how you mention you should always go with your gut feeling. 😊

I admire your honesty Very well done 👏

Chris this is so astute TY👍I value the idea of spectrum. Years ago i anxiously asked my therapist if i was the narcissist. He obviously thought not. Then went on to explain that there is a healthy narcissism, expressed in terms like "self-esteem", or "self-love". I'm poor at that, but there's been some improvement: i sorta tolerate myself. I'm dismayed at how harshly narcissists are condemned in the comments, don't want to believe they lack a soul. Don't want to believe that about my relatives

I so appreciate Your honesty when it comes to RU-vid videos I see it like the tabloids Anything to get that click

No, not all avoidants are covert narcissists.

I don't have to watch this video to know the answer to this question, which is no. Not all avoidants are narcissists. Having an avoidant attachment style doesn't necessarily make one a liar, a gaslighter, manipulative, controlling, lacking in empathy, and/or grandiose.

Thank...really can't ty enough as I've been around them but was clueless.. was even followed to the train ride home one-day from one of the mothers we had visit her child ... My weirdly radar went off I got this feeling in the pit of my stomache the more she spoke ..must like her child. My dad said the apple does t fall far from the tree. It's what good boundaries are important

Scapegoating abuse, and the physiological side effects, can go as far as how DNA is read and coded. Along with the more traditionally described issues (like endocrine/hormone malfunction and or chronic disregulation). But think about that… “how DNA is read and coded”… this is pretty major league and it’s been flying under the radar for a very long time…

Initially, for a narcissist image is everything. They will blend in and have a knack for trends and becoming appealing to others by applying those trends in their interactions. Narcissists will see themselves as elevated above others. They are boss and that is how they roll. They will exude an image of strength, intellectual and moral superiority. Moral code is high on their agenda as it is instrumental to becoming more appealing to others. But after some time it becomes clearer that they cannot live up to the values they preach, since their morals are just an instrument for personal appeal. As they 'outrank' others they make the rules and are also judgmental, but it is likely that they won't abide by their own rules themselves. Or alternatively, they abide by their own rules because those have become a status symbol of their dominance over others. I think this is one of the pivotal issues with narcissists: the difference in rank, the boss dictates the moral code, and has a judgmental attitude toward others while ignoring their own set of rules, because they are above their own law. "Do as I say but don't do as I do." Or alternatively: you follow the moral code, because everybody follows the moral code, I do as well. But of course not telling where that moral code comes from. Parents with this attitude toward their children will be authoritarian and disciplinarian. Even though they might give much material or financial support, they won't provide much personal validation or won't leave enough room for personal development. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't care less, as long as the troubles they might have caused do not come around to bite them.

So true...I've got Clinical Depression and my Ex Narcissist has made me worse...feeling like i want to disappear or do something that is not a very good to do to myself.😪

Good work!!

Hi, WHAT AMAZING CONTENT! Extreme WIT, humor, animations & even so much engagement with the viewers you bounce back into a full new direction. Now, when you were making a case on to HOW TO DIAGNOSE an overt narcissist, I was already thinking of top dog athlete, but my angle was how it overlaps with NPD, not how "it's the same difference". It bothers me because I feel a loophole everywhere, and somehting falls short. While it *may* be possible that any top dog in sports or the arts or even in research has a career that was fueled by narcissism from day 1, I feel it would be misconstrued to label them all like that. First, in any field, being the top dog is ever so volatile. For instance becoming the world's strongest weightlifter might even injure you per se, pretty much guaranteeing that the current number 2 will beat you as soon as you've managed to lift half a ton and caused internal bleeding and whatnot. So I guess it's lonely at the top. Second, emphasis on "top dog in ANY field". Let's randomly take 10 people in the street and have them try to play darts or basketball. One of them is bound to come on top, however average his skills are. How do you break the news to that person that he/she is the best in that group? Does that instantly make that person grandiose therefore narcissistic ? Some people set out to create the best ice cream, or the best mobile phone, or the best game, or the best youtube content on psychological disorders. Does this make them inherently toxic ? Where/how do you draw the line? This is a genuine question on my behalf. In short, I'd love to find content where once and for all, TOXIC grandiosity is weeded out from a healthy pursuit of excellence. Apart from that, congratulations again, this was amazing. About covert narcissim anyway - in retrospect I found it a bit lacking regarding the "how to tell from avoidant" part you have in the title. Anyway, subbed!

I definitely appreciate your efforts as well as so many other channels taking on the challenge of explaining narcissism but I would like to humbly make some suggestions. Learning more about them in an effort to protect yourself and avoid narcissistic people in your life is a great idea and should be done, however, I feel that only helps such a small percentage of people. Not all narcissistic relationships are intimate partners. You can have narcissistic parent(s), sibling(s), boss, friend, coworker, etc. so not all narcissists are you able to simply avoid. For me the biggest focus should be on education and finding resources for survivors/victims of a narcissist. As you mentioned there is a spectrum when it comes to a narcissist but too often people only relate to the semi-problematic narcissist. So when a person has the misfortune to deal with an extremely problematic narcissist like a malignant narcissist they are not heard or believed. Causing more harm, shame and trauma. Also your examples at the beginning of the tell tale signs in my opinion are not good examples. Finding out someone said they drive a Tesla only to find out later they don't or that they claim to do all this volunteer work but actually don't are NOT subtle things that make someone have a gut feeling something is wrong but they can't put their finger on it. There's nothing subtle about those lies. Anyone can tell those kind of lies just to look good on social media. If that was the case 99% of those on social media are narcissist. All the examples you gave don't reflect the true manipulation they are capable of. Also I think the focus is too much on trying to figure out what kind of narcissists you may be dealing with or this idea that they can shift from grandiose to covert and vice versa. Which by the way I completely disagree but that's me. Again we are focusing on the wrong things. Because can you tell the difference between a grandiose narcissist and a jerk? Someone can just be a jerk or a$$hole but that doesn't automatically make them a grandiose narcissist. I think it's too much effort and wasted time trying to label someone the correct term when at the end of the day who the hell cares?? All that matters is that people are hurt and go thru so much mental problems, health problems, etc. from a narcissist and we should focus on them and their recovery. We should focus on recognizing the victims/survivors of narcissists and offering them help than worrying about identifying the narcissist and which category they are from.

Recognize it: "I'm the best at the whole office!" Truth: They wanted to fire him but couldnt due to the protection of the contract. When I contacted his workplace to tell them he worked high on drugs, they asked me "Why didnt you call us earlier?" They were desperate for a reason to unemploy him. He told me later his boss had even driven him to the psych ward once. That he had come forward and asked "How are you today, X? I can see it's not so well.." And then drove him to the psych ER. So he's not the great asset to them he told me, he's a burden they want to rid. And this is a boss he had called a p*ssy and "to weak to lead" I think that boss sounded very very empathic and kind. Just the type who should be a boss. Also the part of "You know something is wrong, they act robotic, but you dont know what" Thats EXACTLY so. His own mother said that "We believe you and we know something is wrong but not what" I had that exact same impression, something was very wrong but I didt know what, could NOT pinpoint it. Well turns out he had schizophrenia, avoidant personality and covert narcissism. Diagnosed by me, the psychward just put "toxic psychosis" (Psychosis due to drugs) And put him on antidepressants, sedatives, sleeping pills and neuroleptika. He gained maybe 30kilos in 6 months so the next time he rang my door, he looked like a piffer fish. Still does last time I unfortunally saw him.

great topic

Thanks for the information

Sometimes a person becomes avoidant when they have endured so much abuse and emotional volatility that they shut down. Is that narcissistic? Well color me a dark triad… this is the next fad and it is the means by which ALL men raised in trad roles who have been beaten into stoicism will now all be branded narcissistic- bravo!

Good info, thanks. This answered a question I had had for some time, about the grandiose being able to change to covert and back again.

His terminology’s I take lightly. No one source of terms in the topic seems to be sufficient. Just listen to your body….actually listen to your body….LISTEN

They are Incapable of TRUTH.

Grandiose and vulnerable are 2 sides of the same coin

This 💯💔 stay woke my ppl ❤️

Before I watch this, the title attracted my attention I've been trying to get people to understand. Whether they do or not, I can't help that part.

This is fascinating. I'm a licensed mental health clinician who was deeply confused by the relationship I was just in. It's like I was with a shell of a person, every now and again they'd reveal another shady piece of the puzzle - they'd deny me time, words of affirmation (they knew it was my love language), acted differently around others and I never had any idea what they were doing when we weren't together. It felt like they were acting, I never felt settled for longer than a short period of time. Ultimately I clipped the relationship off. I realized they were envious of my success and earning power - it's almost like they liked me but didn't. Very bizarre. It's like I've been doing a three year long assessment with intimate access to their inner workings - it's chilling - it's deeply disturbing - I finally pulled out my DSM and realized - YUP. They meet criteria in more ways than not. Gross. RUN PEOPLE RUN RUN RUN

I am just blown away about all the narcissist information out there. For a while I heard "narcissist this and that" but always remembered the definition of one is a person who is basically in love with themselves. I dated a man for 2 years and when he broke up with me I was devastated and totally confused as to what was happening. All I did was ruminate and going crazy trying to figure things out. One day I googled a phrase he would say to me and loads of stuff popped up about all of this narcissist stuff. I started watching umpteen videos about narcs and everything that was said matched with this guy perfectly and things started to make sense. But more and more videos are coming out different names, criteria, labels, etc. that are mind blowing and I think is well above and beyond what the simple definition of the word narcissist means. Are things being blown out of proportion now? It just seems like every psych disorder is now being bundled under narcissism and has moved way away from the initial definition. I think it is getting out of hand now.

Absolutely True! Every last one of them. But you forgot One: They will Cost You Everything You Have! Seriously!

OMG you’re so right !!! 😮

AHH , that was really helpful.

amaaazing video bro

Great video. Look up HG Tudor. He breaks it all down to a class of narc not label but scale. It’s the best resurch I’ve ever found and he is amazing🤗

I didn't know the word narcissist untill a couple of years ago. I thought it was a description of a self centered bully. Recently I saw the term covert narcissist and I wondered if I was married to one for 40 years. So I dove into a internet and yt investigation. It was very confusing and vague. Somethings fit but just sometimes. So my theory for what it's worth is that narcissist hone their skills over time and learn how to use those skills as needed in a given situation. So they can slide back and forth on the spectrum you described. They become very adept at adapting. That is why they are hard to identify.

To elaborate on the point that you were talking about at 10:30: many times I have known but I feel bad for judging and then in the beginning they play the role of being so sweet that you don’t want to call something out before you truly know. But you get hints in the statements and things that they say and the way their eyes move. Sometimes I have a bad habit of waiting it out to see it. Along with the stigma of wanting to work things out and not just leaving in the first sign of issues. It’s a tricky game with them.

uncanny valley = The Voight-Kampff test was a test used by the LAPD's Blade Runners to assist in determining whether or not an individual was a replicant.