Are all Narcissistic Men Gay? 

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i'm female and was with a male narcissist. He had a "best friend" he talked about a lot and he dropped a few hints he was gay... it's almost as if he wanted me to think that. Then my male roommate confessed to me that he was jealous OF ME when I was with the narcissist. The roommate was a frenemy and a traitor to me. I think most of these guys are bisexual and jealous of women. I got rid of both of them.

Their pleasure is hurting a person in every way and it is sick

They are jealous of your physical beauty and want to humiliate it through denial or aversion

My ex-husband had absolutely NO SEXUAL BOUNDARIES at all! It was extremely hurtful because whatever he did sexually, he brought it back to me! I knew it was all about power and supply for him! Got Out of that Madness over 18 years ago! Thank You God! 🙏

Supply is supply. From what I have seen yes, it is sexual fluidity; they adapt for whomever is willing to supply them. It is “the high” and it doesn’t really matter where it comes from.

I SUSPECT MY NARC HUSBAND TO BE SECRETLY GAY!!!!! YOU ARE ALWAYS SPOT ON ITS CRAZY!!!!

I would say yes! Whoever gives them the most attention, they’ll screw it!

"Any hole would do" makes perfect sense!!

Some hide their sexuality by ruining the marriage, blaming the wife … yet holding on and refusing to divorce. Because the cover is so important, they’ll damage her reputation as the explanation and proudly bear the burden.

Let's talk about something else . This just makes my skin crawl when I recall my ex !! I think a narc man runs after women to prove to himself that he is straight . . .

Oh yes, the minute we were married the sex was withheld. And yes, he succeeded in making me feel totally imperfect. Wish I could erase that from my mind.

“Go with the flow” is their favorite word

I’m a man who is attracted to men. My narc was my “best-friend” who considered himself straight. He wanted nothing to do with me sexually until I was walking away. He was getting desperate because I was a major source of supply at the time. He literally woke me up in the middle of the night the last time I was willing to sleep over with him. He was so desperate for me to stay that he was willing to have sex with me. I didn’t even know what to think and I couldn’t go through with it. The next morning he looked at me and said “you know, everyone’s a little gay right?” I was appalled

I just turned 40… I honestly get so scared to even think about dating ever again.. I don’t trust anyone and not sure I ever will again. My father was married to my mom for 25 years and I discovered he was gay. By the grace if God, my mother did not get aids from him. Then I dated 5 men long term and though I had my flaws, I was healthy, fun, cooked, contributed, loyal.. told I was attractive by others often.. so I couldn’t be that bad.. but they were all absolutely terrible at around year two.. alcoholism, abuse, cheating, lying, stealing. Ugh.. I can’t

Narc are ultimate opportunists. If any situation, person, place, thing, concept - you name it - can be exploited, they will leave no opportunity to exploit it/them. For these evil monsters, it's all about what/who serves them what they desire in the way they want. Can authentic feelings or demonstration of love ever be expected from these liars? Absolutely not.

Now I understand why some straight and good-looking guys seem to enjoy having a gay friend, even tho platonic. I'm just stroking their ego!?

I found my narc's secret male escort page. On it, he'd written "I love all holes." He wasn't gay, just went both ways because he had no real identity. He told me he liked to "play" with gay men and laughed at them as "idiots." He had lots of women on the side too.

Any hole is a goal - is what my demon ex-narc used to say as a 'joke' - sooooooooooo happy am free from this demon

The narcissists have no sexual boundaries. If you get contaminated, they blame you for it.

You are spot on! I remember the first time that the man refused to be intimate with me. I felt ugly or just not what he wanted. The narcissist will withhold sex in order to make you crazy mad and sad!

I have observed that many men, gay or not, engage in sex in a very performative and competitive way. For such individuals it is like an sport rather than a form of connection. Others seek the novelty of new experiences like one would do when choosing a new ice-cream flavour. For me it's all about building a bond with other human being but not many people see it this way. That's why I prefer celibacy now. Best wishes to all of you!

When I first met my ex I thought he WAS gay. Certain behaviors and mannerisms I saw in him I had also witnessed in my openly gay cousins. Maybe a bit of stereotyping on my part, admitedly. Later , he admited to being bi-sexual and when I found him cheating on me, it was mostly through male to male hook up apps. I told him from the beginning that I would be willing to have either an open relationship or, if he chose, a more polygamous style of relationship. These were NOT things I wanted because I am, by nature, monogomous. Yet, because I loved him, I wanted him to feel fulfilled and happy in the relationship. At the time I didn't understand I would have been sacrificing my own happiness for his. He chose to continue hiding his sexual activities. Then, constantly accused ME of cheating. It was exhausting, and I am glad it is no longer part of my life. My healing is my priority now.

Thank you Danish for covering this topic. It's so sensitive, taboo, and so extremely hard for anyone to be honest about this without being politically correct. Thanks for your honesty. No other narc therapist dare to cover this topic besides you.

After a year, he told me he was bi. Said he was never with a man in any capacity but wanted to

During the episode, I began to wonder if you sometimes receive threats for your work. But later I realized that no narcissist identifies with this content 😅

I have strong suspicious about my ex. Who knows. He went out with weird people, I found chats with a friend, he was badmouthing me horribly…that was a long time a go. I saw so many red flags. He end up being a covert sycopath that stole and lied all along

😊 I understood right away the nuances of the subject, it's about power,control and ego!😂 The title is so perfectly provocative I am still laughing!

Danish, you're not being crude, its 100% true.I was shocked at first when I first found this out about my narc and I struggled for a long time to understand what was happening. I'm feeling totally validated after watching this video.Thank you for handling such a sensitive topic so well. ❤️

From what I’ve heard, learned and experienced in my own life, I believe that supply for them is fluid. It doesn’t matter. If it’s the cat, the dog, the mailman or the bus driver, the stripper it just doesn’t matter.

I wouldn't necessarily say that all narcissistic men are gay, but that they're opportunists. However and wherever they can get attention, then they'll take it. I also think that a lot of male narcissists see women as inferior because they're generally physically weaker, and they’re repulsed by that weakness. But they're also drawn to it, and so that leads to abuse. (This is just my own pet theory. Please don't go too hard on me. 😩)

Well this explains a lot! Because I truly thought he was a closet case…. So strange even my family asked me if he was gay. I couldn’t answer that.

Since Narcissus fell in love with himself, makes sense that many would be gay

This description is Absolutely in line with other experts testimony who have also been diagnosed with NPD themselves

Watch what they do, vs. what they say .

They have chosen to not bond! To them = freedom.

I am feeling haggard and worn down. Love that this channel digs into every small detail about narc abuse. As a victim, I am aged in 20 years.

I can’t speak for every narcissist but mine was!

He would always be so mean to me right after we had been intimate. I even brought it up to him MANY times. He literally treated me like he wanted to off my light switch right after we would have sex. I'm so glad that we are divorced, and he is out of my life!

100% I believe it's through their trauma before the age of 7. They were spiritually castrated, therefore, they became a spiritual eunuch. They are bound into servitude to their castrators and this translates into self-abuse and abuse to others for the rest of their lives. Spiritual castration is abuse common in every family everywhere.

Wow, this was good! I have been wondering for a long time......honestly, these people are just plain sick! And they hurt/destroy the lives of ordinary, wonderful, normal people!😢

The narcissist that I was married to avoided intimacy. Also, it felt like he had trauma from some sexual assault that I attributed to his family of origin. Never got the answer, it didnt matter anymore. The relationship did not work for me when I became aware of narcissism.

Hey Danish, ur like a big bro explaining life to me ❤ thank you for explaining my entire (thankfully former) marriage to a narc

Not gay necessarily but definitely misogynistic. Perpetually fighting “Mom”.

I’ve wondered this for years I’ve always swore he was secretly gay

You hit the mark with this! I’ve noticed this for years

they crave for their false self to be validated

They get turned on by turning you off

I agree absolutely. only the most twisted things gave him any spark. I think that he went for anything , I have said also. " any hole will do". BECAUSE HE FELT NOTHING emotionally. only hate, anger. gave him his last "high". otherwise he was a bored man, dead inside.

Their options don’t always have to be human. Yuck!

This is absolutely nuts I was thinking about this today

The way they switch up does a number on your heart and brain. They love me they love me not, they love me they love me not they love me they love me not...wait wha...👀🤯😳 they never really loved me ?! 😭💔

The narcissist male I knew would come on to me with subtle homoerotic emanations and suggestions. It soon occurred to me that these were projected with the intention to unsettle. Perhaps he was getting a sexual kick out of it too as a part of his relentless campaign to gain dominance. Other of my male friends he was cultivating would ask me 'Is he a closet gay?' I'd reply: 'I don't know what the hell he is!' Several of my women friends would remark 'He's just weird.' Your presentation is spot on!

Yes! Thank you for speaking about this Danish 🤗 I thought I was the only one that noticed this behaviour in the narcissists. Feels good to not be alone 🌸

Idgaf what these narcs sexual preferences are as long as they stay the fluff away from me!!

I was just discarded after three months, find my narcissistic ex and come to find out his last relationship. He was a swinger and he would bring Van home to have sex with his girlfriend he would watch and then he would have sex with a man to feel dominate. Now I know that he’s not actually gay. It’s all about power control and ego and whatever makes him feel good because he literally has no identity. When we were together sexually, he just wanted to do whatever I liked he would Shapeshift into what I needed until he got bored and realised my boundaries were too tight, and I wasn’t gonna let him do the weird things with me he did with his ex, then I got discarded.

My ex boyfriend’s ex wife (and I were friendly, and she) told me she thought he was gay, and saw gay porn sites on his computer. I found him to be homophobic generally, although he was very pleasant when meeting a gay friend of mine, and later commented with surprise on how he was typically masculine in his manner, dress sense, voice etc., while he ridiculed my friends husband for being more camp/feminine. He once told me very vaguely how sexual acts happened “to” him at (boys) boarding school, but then later empathically denied it later. It always puzzled me, but this video and the comments have explained my confusion, and his comments, behaviours etc.

Probably why my malignant narc brother was constantly cheating on his wife with other married women and then bragging to me about it. I found it all so incredibly sick. It was an ego boost to do that plus an ego boost to brag to me about it too.

I saw this narcissist "flirt" with a teen boy at the McDonald's drive thru & the clerk at the DMV. I chalked it up as a hostage/captive audience. It was so weird to see/hear him lay on the charm, this set script/masking.

In my experience, he was. I heard it said before & makes complete sense, that if a man is able to hit a woman it is bc his true soul mate is a man.

This also helps explain many showbiz types from past to present.

Every narc I know was or showed signs they were, and several ended up confessing.

Any port in a storm sick individuals they live in ego and destroy everything in their path.

YES they lust after anything that "loves" them.

You’re going to make a lot of enemies with that title 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Never met a male one who wasn't a misogynist though.

Greed or the desire for stability, security can be the motivation for sexual fluidity.

Danish, You have be instrumental in my healing journey. I feel im 80% there. If it wasn't for you i would never have known my feelings/emotions are valid and real. I now stand on the outside looking at the narcissist for what they truly are. I am also able to disconnect from the cycle. I still fund myself distrustful and tend to analyze new people u come into contact with regularly. I hope that over analyzing fade with time and i can live without feeling so guarded😊

RU-vid is reading my mind lol. I was literally thinking about this issue this morning. I would often wonder about my ex, his "best friend," and their mutual friends🤔

MAN SHALL NOT LAY WITH MAN 🔷️LEVITICUS 18:22 🔷️LEVITICUS 20:13

After my separation from the covert narc he shared with me that he “went on dates for money, but didn’t not have sex “ lol appearance wise he’s not attractive so I don’t believe women would pay him to spend time with him. I believe he probably engaged in sexual activities with men.

I came to the same conclusion a few years ago! The strange competitive nature toward females reminds me more of sibling rivalry, NOT romantic intimacy!!! After you get acclimated to these peeps, you can sense the resentment toward women. They dont cherish them as counterparts, they want to degrade and discredit them. It's really a sick cycle. It took me awhile to correlate it with them being gay, but in three cases....this turned out to be exactly the situation. Ive seen the same behavior in a female narcissist toward guys??! 😡😡😒🤬

They are so false and disrespectful it beggars belief... They will slowly turn utterly cold and unfeeling when they find new supply. When I was 43 and met my ex he was telling me you are my soul mate, together for ever. The last time I saw my ex (by this point I was 53) he was chasing women of 23 to his 55,into polyamoury and Fet (none of which I had anything to do with) , honestly nothing good comes of knowing them...

People who have been dealing with narcissists. Need to exposed them. Don't hide and feel bad about yourself. They did not feel bad about spreading lies about you to the community, family, friends and co-workers. Make a page, t-shirts, hell put them on a billboard, take them to court for defamation of character. So they will have no more supply to feed off of and destroy. They will have no choice but to sit and take accountability and heal. Ya'll bmore and stay safe family.🙏🏽❤️✌🏾🕉

THANK YOU FOR COVERING THIS SPECIFIC TOPIC!!! I BELIEVE THAT IS VERY POSSIBLE THEY ARE!!!!

Thank you, Danesh, for another wonderful lesson into the mind of a narcissist!

It took me a long time to understand many things about the narcissist I was with. My mind rejected the notion he could be so cold and calculating. I kept overcoming my triggers for red flags by saying to myself I was overly nervous. Gradually I found out this man lies to manipulate and triangulate. He has no accountability. Any previous partner who has gotten away from him to save herself he badmouths. The only one he keeps old photos on his social media of is a woman who still is in contact with him and catches up with him when she’s in the country. She also has relationships with married men. I questioned his sexuality because a trans f to m person told him that one day they could hook up and my ex bf never corrected this person by telling him that he’s not into men. Although he vehemently supported that he’s straight he would say weird things like the waiter was flirting with him! Which he wasn’t. While I was with him it hit me that what sexually turns him on is his ability to stir desire in people. So when he’s having intercourse the idea that he’s causing arousal in people turns him on. One time he commented about his kisses turning me on. I found this statement cringy even though I liked him. It finally occurred to me that it was his sexual power over people that aroused him so all you say makes absolute sense. I still find it odd how a person who isn’t into the same gender that way can take it there but maybe because the same motivations don’t drive me I just can’t imagine beng able to perform with a female. My ex would even say he was embarrassed to be seen with his ex in public because she looked bad! How can anyone say that about a person they were with? It is because narcs don’t care about anyone.

The Narcissist I know sees men in secret. As he stayed at my home for 12 months that is how I discovered his big secret. He also sleeps with ladies at times. But not this lady...no way!

Thank you for addressing this very important aspect of their behaviors with others

They will also sleep with anybody that will pay their way.

So odd. I was married twice to narcs and wondered if both of them were gay after all was said and done. Not at the time mind you, but much after. And one I worked for, he was a screaming overt narc...one day I observed him talking to a MUCH younger, very nice man and his body language read GAY. I was kind of surprised as I'd known his wife for years. The mouth might lie, but the body doesn't...

for all intents and purposes. especially when they are chasing their male coworkers and colleagues around the office trying to trauma-bond with them on a daily basis

Celibacy is very rewarding, I find it a welcome thing to embody it after dealings with all of these numerous Covert Narcissist sufferers in life. It seems to me that time is more rewarding not sitting there trying to help only myself in life.

My ex seemed soo much more happy hanging out with any guy friend in general to the point that he would be more than willing to ditch plans with me if that'd mean he'd get to hang with his "homies". After the breakup he moved in with a guy friend immediately where he still lives. This guy friend was also very sus. Always calling when i would be hanging out with my ex and "dropping in" unexpectedly. The whole thing was a big and dragged out shit show. Dodged a bullet 🥳

I think they have no boundaries. Narcissists drive people he whole LGBT movement imo.

My Narcissistic X loved going to Gay, nude beaches. Once we got to the beach, he loved parading up and down the beach as if to "advertise" his goods. Most of his friends are gay too. He's a handsome man and loved their attention and how they swooned over him. He swore he wasn't gay, but, to me he showed all the signs. He had numerous affairs (w/women) and was a lazy lover with me, his wife. What do you think?

I'm getting into the process of recovering... Your videos help me a lot.... More power😊

Whooooooaaaaaa.....this is something I suspected towards the end of our marriage. 😳

realized my exnarc was in the closet and was secretly sleeping with men for “favors” .. TG im done with that sinking ship😌

Gay? I wouldnt say that,exactly.More like opportunist.Animal,Vegetable,Mineral.What ever gets them thru the night.

With my experience with my ex husband was sexually abused at a young age. He told me so, and it gave me reasons to question why, was he into nude sex videos, back in the days I first met him, that he influenced me to watch with him. A then wondered why would he want to watch multiple females on one man or vice versa. I started to feel awkward and it didn't feel right., he liked fantasy playing like a child playing with a toy it became annoying that I was forced to like his fetish when clearly it wasn't appropriate I then started hating it because it was his thing not my thing. That alot of arguments occuring during our sex and then the fire started to burn out. We stopped having sex games. He loved my skin and always said I wished I had smooth skin like mine which was weird. He loved shaving down stairs and tried to get me to do the same I stopped after awhile and it wasn't comfortable him telling me what he likes but not caring what I liked. He then started going to the 24/7 gyms that opened very late at midnight times. I then started thinking he's gay hes out to get some kind of attraction at the gyms. We fought alot and sex was no longer on my mind. I hated the way he was but I still endure it until recently God showed me that I was living with the devil in sheeps clothing, when he tried to be a Christian going to church, but would treat me with disdain and disrespect because I wouldn't say yes to anything anymore. I knew something was off and I searched through videos like this and wow what a fool I've been. But praise God for guiding me out of a 19yr relationship of hell 🙏

Thank you so much for your work, Danish. You are helping so many people.

After seeing your video yesterday, i wrote a message to my ex narc hubby ,saying that someone told me he is also seeing men. His answer was :" what are you talking about?" I answered " exactly what you read" he replied" who told you this?" ..he did not even deny it,he just wanted to know who told me. I got this feeling first time when he withheld intimacy during our marriage.. i found contacts of men on his phone which i never got to know, and especially one of them looked really gay. But i also found out about his secret girlfriend.. So ,this video is a confirmation

Supply is supply, period.

Interesting as my ex mentioned sleeping with a guy when younger after we were together and he also slept with his best friends girlfriend while pregnant and dumb me didn’t see that as a character flaw. I was sooo dumb and in love.

Thank you for this information. Now I understand why my ex wanted sex when I was ill, after he verbally beat me up, and even immediately after he said he wanted a divorce. And why I would come home from work to find my cat cowering and shivering in a corner. So sick and twisted.

Im so glad you mentioned this! Everytime i brought up about my gay guy friends, he would hyper masculine himself and get so angry when i would mention that they thought he was cute. I always thought that was weird but my gay friends told me that he project signs that hes closet gay. Hes out of my life now so its whatever now. Thx for letting me feel like i wasnt too far off. 😅

I can not go in to to much detail but he wanted me to do things I did not want to do and some of his friends were Gay he lost his temper if I called when one was there he once said to me he is GORGOUS unusual thing to say about a man looking him up and down I think he was both ways bisexual 💯

Thank you for your very interesting analysis. It makes a lot of sense from what I have experienced.

Way back years ago I was in a long term relationship with a male who I found out was going to gay bars after dropping me off from dates. I was shocked and repulsed, especially considering there seemed to be no S issues that would compel him to seek S elsewhere but he did. He said “a hole is a hole what’s the difference “ and added that the gay guys love how slim he is. 😮 He was more addicted to the attention and sleaze aspect. What you’re saying in this video is true.