I'm 35 and I got divorced recently. I lived in a foreign country since 2017 and now I'm back to my hometown, living with my parents. I left my job when I moved back with my parents so I'm basically jobless now, with some savings. Judging by the classical view on adulthood, as Profesor Vaknin described, I'm an adolescent, which feels depressing. But, when he mentioned new way of thinking, I can see that I'm emotionally and intellectually mature and still have a chance. I'm following these videos and there is a lot of introspection going on and it helps a lot. Thanks you!
thank you thank you thank you. 25 year old mother of 1 5 year old and im glad ive found your lectures, your channel and dedicated playlists. I enjoy reading your website and find your mind not only brilliant but comforting through all this learning. thank you for your dedication to knowledge.
Very good presentation. I am 50 and I was not allowed to leave the parental house - you described my life literally. I tried to grow up still somehow, taking care my own duties but I have no privacy. And to be very honest I have also come to the conclusion as the young ones : should I have to choose between money and relationship, I would also go for the money. The reason is that I see no, and I mean NO healthy relationships today I am terribly scared, horrified, terrified by how people treat each other these days. I have never ever met a man I felt could trust. I seem to have attracted two types: mother's little baby or the asshole matcho. I never ever had the opportunity to be myself with men - because they hated me for being brainy. I myself always fell in love with problematic ones - now I know I followed a pattern that is running in my family. Interestingly enough when I was in my twenties my mother already told me at that time that somehow it is the condemnation of this new era that young people like me could not find a partner - she said it 25 years ago. You see I am from a former communist country. Communism was terrible, but somehow the relationship between men and women worked somehow. People could find their partners, life-long partners. When capitalism hit us, it fell apart. We had to work endlessly to make ends meet and then somehow a very strange type of hatred was communicated by media that turned women against men and vica versa. 75% of my former classmates remained unmarried and childless. I see some started to date and find serious partners now above the age of 45 but life has gone already to set up a family and have own children. The era wasted us for some reason. Money does not mean happiness - but at least you can secure yourself with it enough to be free....
@@questroyal8650 brainy does not mean you always give your opinion even unasked. I never do that. It means you are not stupid. English is not my mother tongue so if there is a negative connotation to it I do not know about it. I learnt that brainy is a synonym of intelligent.
“Adulthood is a state of mind” brilliant, thank you . Agreed. Wondering then, if you subscribe to “spiral dynamics” - as an accurate map of the progression of these states (actually stages - different from states, which are transient) Also I’d love to discuss how different lines of intelligence affect maturation - ie the intrapersonal line and moral line of intelligence rather than just cognitive line . The bio (dna) impacts the psycho-social development and the environment impacts the unfolding of that dna (or not) . Becoming “construct aware” (creating a valid personal meaning - that is pro-social and not narcissistic ) is a very high level of development / agency.
I like the exploration of classical and the new modern exploration of adulthood! Thanks prof. Vaknin! IMO, Adulthood is a mask imposed on all of us as we grow older but in reality we are products of our time (upbringing) and our environment. Which continually changes too slowly while most of us don't because we are stuck with old 60-80 year old politicians/leaders who only think about their old generational issues. I grew up with the same BS about race, religion, gender for 40 years! In my surroundings, 40 and under we DON'T CARE about those old outdated issues. Our issues will be in 20-30 years from now because our children grew up under us and are conditioned by their environment. While the old will die or go mentally in a mental regression by old age unless medicine push age up again. Also unresolved trauma and the widening age gap clubs will regress progress backwards to old generations CONSERVATISM.
Our son has his flat next to ours but he has a job, pays his own rent and buys his own food and has friends over. I never go into his flat uninvited. I do cook a dinner for him twice a week but he doesn't expect it. He has never married.
Once again, thank you for your work and for choosing to share it with us for free. I find it both interesting and valuable. Is there a way to contact you? I have an idea that you might find interesting. In any case, I wish you all the best, or, as I like to say, I wish for everything that needs to happen to come your way :)
I'm a male Hispanic, 27 and I'm from Colombia. There, it's not normal anymore but it used to be the males would grow up to own their parents house and take care of said parents, while the females go out and marry
Professor, would you please explain how people do not become adults in the US? Is it because of our economy? Independence, autonomy, efficacy are beyond the US? Is it that we're primed for perpetual infancy? Thank you
I'm 51 i feel 18-20 in my heart i look about 50 but emotionally i felt older in my 20-30's than i do now. Back then i felt old in emotion and mental function. Over the past decade i feel like i have slipped into a 14 yr olds emotional mind set. I look at the people around me in their 50's-70's and notice a lot still are pretty juvenile. Have i just joined the party ?? Can't beat them join them. ? I thought i was becoming more free and open. No !! Becoming more juvenile or infantile in all honesty. I do not like it at all ! I feel torn between being an adult male and almost made to assume the role of juvenile stupidness by society. Like society finds it easier to deal with silly boys than hardened men. Thank you
