Ask Another Bi Guy 

Billy Bob yessss!

I would have to disagree with this because I identify as pansexual BECAUSE gender expression is more important in determining my attraction than actual gender. E.g. I am not attracted to conventionally attractive feminine women, but I am very attracted to masculine women and usually attracted the most strongly to people who are androgynous/ really challenge the gender binary in terms of their gender expression. So for me, the label 'bisexual' feels wrong, but pansexual feels a lot more comfortable (although still not perfect).

***** i guess my wording was a little bad; by "pansexuality doesn't take into account gender expression" i meant something along the lines of pansexuality tends to include non-binary gender expression/identities to a greater extent than bisexuality does.

I'd say most of the activists in the bi community define bisexuality as the attraction to two or more genders, while pan is all genders. From what I've seen this is the best (least biphobic, transphobic, exclusionary) way to describe them...they do overlap though.

Because there are definitely bisexual people who are attracted to people who are nonbinary and implying that bisexuality excludes nonbinary people more than pansexuality is kind of icky

Personally, I don't actually believe pansexuality is an entirely different sexuality and really just a preference. Sexuality orientation is about sexual feelings towards, someone can have sexual feelings towards someone who is gender fluid but slightly uncomfortable with the idea, but that doesn't make them an entirely different sexuality. It's like saying if you date someone with brown hair and they dye it to blond but you are still with them, does that make you a different label then someone who is against the idea of dying hair but is still attracted to them? And don't call me pan phobic or bi phobic or anything, or ignorant, I am bi myself and this is just my opinion.

Dette H me too i find it hard to just be like oh yeah I’m fluid or queer

Yeah but most relationships, have both sexual and emotional attractions i.e. the majority of people dating only dating a gender or genders their both attractioned to both in a lustful and physical way.

they did

That's actually pretty interesting. And sad at the same time. I always reasoned in my mind that the homophobic people I know accepted bisexuals more easily because there was still a possibility of a straight relationship and they were closer to a heterosexual than gays are.

Gav Meiri sii

I think that those people are bisexual and also prefer non-monogamous relationships, just as it is possible to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc. and prefer to be in a non-monogamous relationship.

Right but what about the people who really like the non-monogamous people who just want to be monogamous. Would that be considered selfish?

Destanee Moore It would be selfish if they pretended to want to be in a monogamous relationship to fit in. However SOME people in polygamous relationships simply dont want the effort to commit SOME.

Thank you that really helped. ^^

Destanee Moore You welcome 😎

+miguel zamudio And that's what makes you part of the problem. Just saying.

Drop your black and white perspective of the sexuality spectrum and gender expression and you'll start to see why people who say what you just said sound like plain ol' uninformed, incompetent idiots. Just saying.

+miguel zamudio I know Eliel personally, and trust me, he likes girls. Just fucking saying.

+miguel zamudio I know strait dudes who come off gay.... but I know them very well & they're strait...without a doubt Having feminine or masculine qualities is separate from sexuality

+Daniel Hall it's odd, I can't picture elliel letching and/or staring at chicks.

I don't think that recognising that someone is attractive means anything about someone sexuality. I can definitely appreciate beauty in women but I'd never want to sleep with one, because I'm not attracted to that.

satireknight I find women beautiful the same was I find cats beautiful, or a lovely waterfall or a gorgeous sunset. It's very different from the attraction I feel towards men. Recognising beauty in something is not the same as being sexually attracted to it and feeling desire for it. It's true we can't know our sexuality will never change. People have been known to change sexuality, from gay to straight, straight to gay, bisexual to straight etc. sexuality doesn't always stay the same all throughout life.

satireknight That sounds a lot like the religious argument against LGBT people. You could say the same thing about the gay man who says he's only attracted to men sexually and although he sees women as being pretty, it's in a non-sexual way. Is it natural for him? Or has he subconsciously ruled them out for some reason?

+Yotto O. It's from Legend of Zelda. Which is a video game.

TheNotAdam Oh, I see. Thanks for the reply. Evidently the makers of that game are Pagans, because those are very ancient occult Pagan symbols.

Yes that's true, there is also a spectrum for your "gender blindness".

Yeah, the problem is there when we talk about bi people though. For example, a bi man is still a man, so if you are gay, him being bi does not go against your sexuality. Maybe you don't want date him because you don't like his personality or body or whatever, which is fine, but him being bi? If he is trans, then there might be complications (unfortunately) because generally people understand transexuality even less than they do bisexuality, which is very little. I don't know if I would be attracted to a man that is transitioning, for example. Because their body would not be compatible with what my sexuality makes me see as attractive (which I know is not a nice thing to say, but realistically speaking, it is a real sentiment that I assure does not come from an uneducated point of view) but you never know what life gives you, so I keep myself open minded on this. Most of the times reasons brought against dating bi people have nothing to do with this, though. They are all stereotyoes, like "I don't date bi people because they are prone to cheating" or "they want to be in a threesome relationship" or "they are secretly gay/straight. I don't like them acting all ambigous" etc. This is discrimination of bi people, this is biphobia.

***** I get your point, but that is not biphobia. I get turned off by the idea that the guy I'm dating is/has been thinking in vaginas and sex with women, lusting women, not that he is going to cheat. I don't think bi people are sick or confused or anything, I don't understand it but I know it a real thing. I'm not around saying bi people shouldn't be allow to have sex or they should be hired or they should be killed. I just don't want to have a sexual/romantic relation with them. If that is biphobic, then not wanting the same with women makes me misogynistic? You don't have to justify why you don't want to have sex or relation with someone, for any reason. It's your f*cking body and you decide what to do with it and with whom. Even if it goes as specific as : "only with guys with brown skin, 5'8" tall, short hair and big penis". You can be as specific as you wish. Your body is not a social property.I've been rejected for many different reason, I'm not offended, It's their body and they decide if they want to share it with me or not, they decide if they want a relation with me or not. They don't have to justify, nor you, nor me. In the gay community we love to cry "discrimination" for everything, unfortunately this situation ignore the real discrimination many people suffer at work, school and other social situations. Cheers :)

+Nnn Nnn But why does it disgust you that a man's penis has been in a vagina, when said man cleans said penis? That's the fondamental problem. Like, what they did in the past is not relevant to you and your sexuality, unless it has to do with a disease, because if they had unprotected sex (with whoever) and have something, they should think about your health so they should inform you. But really. This is the biphobic/mysoginistic way of thinking that is very subtle, often times not even born from some kind of evilness. I do agree that you are not obliged to give a reason, but ask yourself this: why do I think this way? Why does the thought that he's been with a woman really bother me. It does not affect my sexuality and my life. It's not like he can pass me some kind of cuties from women. It is not like I would go with a woman if he had gone in the past. So Why? I will tell you, there is no real reason in this case. You can still go on disliking that, it is your right, but analyze where that dislike comes from. I mean, there are men who hate women and think them as inferior. They do have the freedom to think that, even though it is very shitty and is a thought that comes from prejudice. Some men have the courage to challenge that way of thinking, even though it is hard if you grew up with that thought in the back of your mind.

+RuunaLUVSesshy I have thought that several times. It's simple as why some people don't want broccoli. I don't and that's it. It has nothing to do with hating women. I just don want vagina desires in my partner. Simple as that. I don't think it's wrong and I'm not stopping bi men to find dates and do what they want. I repeat and it goes for every single person on the planet regarding of gender or sexual orientation: One has the right to limit their sexual partners in the way one wants, no apologise needed