Avoidant Attachment Style 

Spot on! Pay attention to what they say & do in the early weeks they can be so nice initially but as soon as they start having feelings the self sabotage will begin. If you address it they will say you're too emotional. You will be blindsided again & again it's exhausting. Leave them it's totally unhealthy for you.

12:34 and 13:24 and 13:56 and definitely 15:33 "They lash out, sabotage things,, distort reality - that way they can act like it's your fault." "Then they disappear for a couple of days. But they're distorting reality because they just didn't want to get close." "They can lie and hide things because they don't want to give too much intimacy away." "They will often blame YOU for things THEY are doing wrong." "They project onto you. They're not really aware of what's going on with them internally, so it takes that uncomfortable feeling they have about themselves, and create distance from it." "They won't admit mistakes or accept responsibility. They don't want to talk about their problems." "They can often be MISTAKEN as SECURE." "Avoidant men can tend to LOOK very independent and self sufficient. It looks good. But it's not because things are going great for them; it's because they don't trust anyone, so they (try to) do it on their own." "They feel smothered easily. Closeness feels awful to them. They've been hurt for many years. It's actually very sad." "They WANT to feel close; but they can't without sabotaging." That mind blowing moment when everything makes sense. When you realize that you yourself were always an anxious attachment type, that they were always avoidant, and you were doomed as a couple from the start. It would never work as is. And - on some level - you both probably always knew this about yourselves, but you used their unwillingness to improve as an excuse not to improve yourself. That. Changes. Now. And so does my understanding of and any angry feelings toward my ex. His behavior was just a function of his trauma. Just like mine. It's so, so much easier to forgive someone (not return to them; but forgive them, silently, from a safe distance while you heal) once you understand why they've done what they've done and what makes them tick.

"The attachment style we formed with our parents tends to be the same attachment style we form with our romantic partners".... ("The way we are with our parents is the way we are with our romantic partners...") Woooooooooooow. You just blew my head clean off my shoulders...

“I’m Way Too Good at Good-Byes” The perfect avoidant song. And very painful to hear.

This video has saved me so much mental anguish. Being with an avoidant was constant mental gymnastics. Once the blame, projection and withholding of affection started the red flags 🚩 started flying. He self sabotaged and left without saying goodbye or even leaving a note. So mean and hurtful. Left me broken-hearted and holding a bucket of questions until I found this video. Thank you so much 🙏🏼

Today I’ve realised I have an avoidant attachment style....this would explain a lot! And now I’m trying to work out where I go from here before I run away from another good man in my life 😳😊

It's not their fault, but it is their responsibility to heal. You're damn right! I thought he was secure but when after 5 months he started mentioning things that sounded like he was getting deeply connected to me I told him I loved him he dumped me. It's been 5 months already. There's nothing like a sudden break up out of the blue when you're thinking you're in a good relationship and the person just turns into a block of ice. Some of these behaviors are pure cluster B.. nothing attractive there, which is why, I think, in the first months of the relationship you might think you're dealing with a securely attached person. They either mask it, or once the relationship proves real and out of the fantasy world the avoidant software is activated. Never again.

I'm a total avoidant when it comes to suppressing emotions, being scared of intimacy, feeling trapped. My ex girlfriend, which I left after 2 months, said I was like a robot. But it didn't come from the home, it came after being bullied at school most of my childhood.

If you know someone who has an Avoidant attachment style or is in a relationship with someone who is... please share this video with them. It will change their life :)

Wow... I think I was dating an avoidant. He'd always blame me for stupid small things. He was always on the go. Never home to spend time with me and then broke up with me because he felt like he couldn't trust me (again because of stupid petty things), but he never even wanted to talk about the things that were bothering him and find a solution. Never wanted to get help either. Wtf. This video just lifted some of the weight I've been feeling. No wonder I grew distant towards him. And here I was thinking everything was my fault for neglecting him. :,D

Thank you Coach Craig, I just left a 3 year relationship with an avoidant attachment style and it was making me feel extremely anxious and was very painful. I left him 2 years ago with no contact so I can move on. He came back to me and asked me to marry him. I thought yes, he changed! I moved in and had 3 months of bliss, until I asked him " when we were getting married"? I spent another 8 months of him in complete avoidance, and I was very unhappy. I finally had the courage to leave. Though, I still love him, I feel much more sane. I appreciate your videos. I have to look at myself to see why I attract love avoidance. I'm ready to become more love secure! Love avoidance bring pain and insecurities.

This video really helped. Girl told me she loved me then shut me out of her life. She told me she didn’t know how to rely on anyone. She said we were close and it was scary. She told me I was everything she ever wanted and she never met anyone like me. She kept liking my social media posts but wouldn’t respond to my texts. I sent her emails and put a tracker on them (yeah I know) and she read them over 29 times but still wouldn’t respond. I stopped contacting her after I got fed up reaching out with no response. After watching this video I’m surprised she even told me she loved me. I’ll never understand but now I know it wasn’t me and not my fault. Thank you.

Thank you. You just pulled me out of the darkness. They convinced me l was messed up. Blame after blame. Romantic relationships, family , and a close friend. THANK YOU CRAIG 🙏☯️💜

I had an email coach with Craig. Best thing ever. She has an avoidant attachment style. I always felt so but was ill-equipped to manage this. I still am. We will not get back together otherwise we will repeat the same. If you do as you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

You nailed it! Exactly what I noticed and experienced with my ex (avoidant). He’s a really nice guy, and I truly care about him, but he is not a healthy match for me. So, we are no longer dating

I can only imagine what it would feel like to be an avoidant and hear this honest, truthful analysis just ripping you to shreds. I was married to an avoidant for 12 years. The kick in the nuts that woke me up. It's too bad that her needs weren't met as a child and that the pain has radiated throughout her lifetime as a result.

I’m recovering from my avoidant attachment style. Using emotional awareness exercises and it helps slowly

I'm avoidant attachment style and a few of my best friends may be. I totally realize that this is why I'm single, childless, and have never been married at nearly 42 years old.

I was fine in my relationship for 7 years but once I caught him in a lie, It made me question everything. If you have this attachment style it is especially important to be honest with people because if you aren’t they will always be questioning your morals and what you are capable of...considering you don’t share openly.

Thank you for this video Coach Craig, I think it's important for people to understand us avoidants and know that our behaviors are not meant to be mean, but they're a form of self-preservation. I myself am on the far end of the avoidant spectrum, I have avoided romantic relantionships my whole life. Just thinking about being romantically involved with someone sends me into a panic. I'm working on discovering what's at the root of this fear so that I can finally start making progress, but it's tough since I seem to have supressed most of my childhood memories and I can't seem to pinpoint the source of it all. I'm also afraid to ask my parents about it, I fear that they will take my questions as blame or tune me out all together as they're prone to do when I bring up my personal shortcomings. Still, I appreciate all of the insight you've provided in your videos. They're always helpful. Know that your videos are what finally made me see what was wrong and I am deeply grateful for them. Keep doing what you do!

This video changed my entire prospective on my break up. 7 YEARS with an avoidant is down the drain. Craig.... my mind is BLOWN by this information.

Avoidant attachment style doesn't necessarily come from a bad home life, I know people who had a very loving family life, (not saying that there couldn't be something from childhood, but generally good family life). But as an adult had some shitty relationships..which in turn caused them to become avoidant.

this is by far the best video on avoidant attachment style

Spot on they will point out negative things in you that they don't like in themselves. I told my ex I loved the idea of living with her and she told me she felt the same at some points, but eventually then told me I had showed no signs of independence throughout the course of our relationship and started making up loads of crap about me. When we broke up, she told me she was jealous of me and she didn't mean what she said and said she herself isn't independent. Which is true. She's resentful that I live at home with my parents and hers are in another country and she doesn't get on with them. I don't need that kind of toxicity in my life, okay fine you're sad your parents aren't as attentive but it's not my issue so don't project. I started to believe all the negativity and she'd shut down and stonewall me when I tried to bring up how her behaviour hurt me. She's never lived alone either, always with friends so it wasn't kind of her to talk to me like that. I wish her well but I'm done.

Craig, I've been dealing with a guy for the past 3 1/2 years and had no idea why he was like this. My eyes grew wide like saucers when I learned what Avoidant Attachment Style is. My boyfriend had warned me that he wasn't capable of giving affection, love or compliments but I didn't believe him. I broke up with him for the same reason the lady in your video did. My boyfriend was married twice and his first wife divorced him because she thought he was a lousy husband. HIs last wife was also like him so they got along very well. They divorced because he was away a lot on business and he cheated on her. I would love to send this video to him but because I just broke up with him, I don't think I can at the moment. Thank you for this invaluable video. I learned so much. He's in his 50's so I don't think he will ever change and I'm not willing to forego the love I deserve. Thank you!

As someone with the anxious style attachment 24:30 really hits me hard. How the guy felt at that moment (The desperation not to lose her) is how we feel almost ALL the damn time when you're being closed and distant. And 22:40 the same thing happens, we get burned out and pretty much "get over it" at some point. The only difference was the woman in this story was brave enough to respect herself and end the relationship instead of doing what most anxious people (including myself) do and sticking around for that feeling of "What if they change someday" while having the empty feeling the entire time and wishing you were brave enough to find someone who would pay attention to you.

this was me exactly.. im avoidant. shes anxious. and it ruined our relationship. and i only realized how much i love her and need her after she left me for someone else. she said she still cares about me, and will give me another chance if things dont work out with her new relationship.. but it doesnt seem like that will happen. they look perfectly happy together allover facebook. Its been 2 months. i dont know if i should tell her ive discovered this about myself or just continue giving her space. ill do any amount of work i have to for my second chance to work. if it ever comes..

This is one of your best videos, and thank you for going into detail about this specific attachment style.

"Ive changed so much since the 3 days that we talked" lol 😆 love your videos man!

I love the honesty. Anxious + Avoidant RS can become very toxic very fast; so it's important to be hyper-aware of your attachment style; recognize when your attachment wounds are being triggered and not project it on the other person.

WOW, now that I know not to take it personally, I can cut myself some slack and relax or move on.....thank you!

This hits home.My ex is an avoidant.We've broken up and gotten back together many times.I finally ended it with him in January.I still love him but now understand.I wished it could have worked out but he hurt me deeply.And he doesn't see he has any problems.Heartbreaking.

Wow this one really hits home. I lost my marriage over me acting this way to the woman i loved. My anxiety about a few things got me acting this way and things snowballed after that. Makes me feel so guilty i treated her that way. No person deserves that kind of treatment. And even though she came back to me after that to move back together i relented for 1 years and she eventually married her rebound and is having a new family now. This is one of the many mistakes i made that Coach Craig has outlined. I am now trying to cope better with anxiety and seeing a therapist.

If you're reading this, may you find the love you seek ❤️

Oh the handwritten letter and your reaction 😂❤

Wow, Craig, You are telling my story. I just ended a relationship, because it was so much work. I was exausted. I am probably a pain in the ass with all my feelings, and he just gave too little.

WOW! You hit the nail DIRECTLY on the head regarding EVERYTHING you talked about in this video! I went through ALL of this with my Dismissive Avoidant. I could not fathom why, when we were having such a fantastic relationship, until six months in when I noticed she was pulling away. Words never met with actions, breadcrumbing galore and never wanting to talk about concerns within the relationship. In addition, she never wanted to introduce me to her family or friends until slightly over a year later, when her friends/family were hounding her to meet me over Christmas. Within a week, after meeting her friends and family, she broke up with me out of the blue. This was one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride on the crazy train. These people are damaged goods, and unless they strive for personal growth, they will never be fit to be in a secure relationship. It seems to me that being an avoidant is gender neutral. In a sense, I feel sorry for the Avoidant, as it stems from a traumatic childhood of which she claimed was horrible when I first met her.

I just ended a relationship with an avoidant attachment style, and a lot of this just it's finally starting to click. It's helping me a lot to move forward and know the signs to look out for when I'm ready to pursue another relationship.

I am a dismissive avoidant, but never had a casual sex. And yes, I had a pretty rough childhood, with sexual trauma and also sexual trauma with my first boyfriend. I just cant accept what you said we dont try to work on ourselves. I am here afterall because I want to become more secure. I do tend to isolate myself when I'm feeling too much and I want to change that. I've also been on therapy for anxiety and depression. I know I am not ready for a relationship now but its ok and I am not gonna force it instead I am just focusing on fixing my issues and I know its gonna be hard, and I'm scared but I know it will be worth it.

One of the clearest explanations of this that I’ve heard. Many thanks!

My ex is a true avoidant. Her actions completely threw me off. I’m very glad to watch this video because now I understand where she’s coming from.

I am avoidant, and so was my partner. We were together for 10 years, and learning about attachment styles, finally made me realise that I was the problem all along and I'm excited to really invest in changing my behavior and beliefs.

wow, i think i want to cry. Every single word you said it is true, in my case my ex bf has almost all the qualities you said. I love him, and i want him back but idk if this would be the best for me.

Months after break up, I wrote my ex a letter telling her she is an avoidant and I couldn't reconcile with her until she got her mental health sorted. 🤣 She responded saying she's seriously looking at everything I raised and that I'm a good man That was 6 months ago

I feel I might have had an avoidant attachment style in my past relationships but I was not mean lol, I was very sweet. I was just terrible at letting my partner know about my feelings & thoughts. & I didn’t know how to express myself pretty much. I’m still learning to open up more & not seem distant or cold. With my current relationship I have improved so much more

This is tricky, how does one discern a narcissist from avoidant attachment or are they one in the same psychopathological path or even synonymous? Absolutely outstanding work Craig! It's easy to see why your services are sold out but your karma bank is universe deep with the dedication to your work and freely sharing what you've spent countless hours on mastering with the world. Thank you!

I find the references to attachment injuries in utero fascinating. Somehow, years ago, I began a practice of taking baths and half submerging my head in the water above the ear line, and relax. You start to hear your heartbeat and breath, and can make out the external noises occurring above the water, in your household or neighborhood. It kind of "replicates" an in utero experience, if you will. I've often had moments of primal panic and high emotional dysregulation where I almost intuitively sense I am experience the regurgitation of a very early childhood, or pre-verbal wound. It's a frightening feeling.

I have an on again/off again relationship with a girlfriend of two years. Have been watching many of your videos for the last few weeks in an attempt to understand the psychology. This one by far makes the most sense (with my particular situation) and I agree. Thanks for your encite. The thought you put into this particular video deserves money for your time. Good job and keep thinkin hard like this!

Morning Craig, this avoidant attachment is spot on with my ex and explains everything that had happened in our relationship. Thank you for explaining it. I wish my ex would watch this but she wouldn't even entertain the idea as well as her even accepting that this is her issue and how she would need to correct this. In 10.5yrs she never admitted to being wrong or apologized for anything, it was always my fault.

Craig your videos have changed my life and given me completely new perspective. Thank you for all that you do. I purchased your workbooks 1-5 and will be scheduling a coaching in the next couple of weeks 💛🙏

This email reminded me of me and my ex (the one before the most current one). I was definitely the woman in the story. I developed the worse anxiety because of that ex and I had to end our 10 year relationship. I just couldn't take it anymore, but I put up with it for so long because we were married. Personally I have a hard time believing she would ever want him back. Once you get relief you don't really miss the person, at least not in a relationship way. I'm still attracted to avoidants, due to my anxious attachment. My last ex was an avoidant and ironically I felt like he balanced me out. For the majority of our relationship I had my anxiety under control. We were together nearly 2 years without any major issues. It wasn't until the end, when many things in my life were going wrong at the same time, that I lost control. I took it out on him and that was the first time I saw his avoidant side come out in full force. I could really see the difference and I knew I was in trouble. It's been nearly 2 months of NC and 5 of the breakup, still nothing from his side. Avoidants are really determined people lol

This was me, but my last relationship has taught me two big things that is helping me change a lot. 1. For the first time I was very expressive, not afraid of intimacy and closeness. I really liked this girl. 2. Because I became so attached to her I started acting insecure and we broke up. But this very short relationship was very significant to me. Because I learned that I could be intimate and emotionally affectionate with someone and also that I had this avoidant attachment style all my life but after tracing all the events of my life I realized I had this in me. But now I'm working on it and it's gotten so much better.

I feel like my ex had a lot of qualities of an avoidant, like he bottled his feelings and didn't like to share them. He'd retreat when he'd be feeling a certain way, scared of getting close and being committed, very independent, never had a serious relationship before me. He did always say he trusted me so that's one of the differences. I feel like I was anxious and near the end probably pushed him away when he finally decided to end things. I'm currently doing no contact and leaving him be and making myself a better person. If he doesn't come back then it's his loss but if he does this will help me understand him way more and be able to work for a better relationship.

Great work Craig! I often share your videos on attachment with my clients who are struggling with the avoidant/anxious dynamic (and don’t know it).

Thanks for the conversation. Just want to add that, for me, the motivation to not get close is more that I don't want to be disappointed, or not have my needs met, rather than it doesn't feel comfortable. I project that they are not emotionally mature/insightful enough.. not distorting reality.. possibly not giving someone a chance, but I meet more people who are more avoidant or careless than I meet secure individuals.

Great vid here! The problem is you cannot know 'who' someone is when you start dating. You only respond to the stimuli they give you. Now, if the other person has some sort of personality disorder, then it is your internal psychology that determines how you react to the problems they present. i.e . whether you become obsessed / abusive / run / fight until you're ruined / or just plain old abused. As for the avoidant? This is hard-wired instinctual behaviour. In effect, nothing you can do will change that cycle. And when we don't know about personality disorder types our normal reactions of; trying to communicate, create greater security, etc. begin to stress the avoidant more (since they have been devaluing you to sooth their fears of being engulfed and ultimately hurt down the line!) That's why some can jump in with someone else so quickly as they can get carried away with 'newness' that represents no pressure. Their pattern will still repeat itself as the majority see their reality as just fine!

This is the most spot on video I have ever watched. Wow

My new friend...described. I had to leave him alone. His behavior was whishy..always distant and cold. The relationship was just a mess. I realized this guy was really avoidant..and afraid to trust me...he pushed me away..I moved on it was like being in a relationship by myself..

Craig, thank you so much for your videos. You are providing wonderful information to the world.

Thank you Coach Craig for sharing us awareness about an Attachment Style disorder. How can we deal with them? And we want to understand them further, coach. Now, what are your other videos that tells about how to deal with people who is having a fear of trusting us? Thank you so much and hope to hear more from you, coach. You're help a lot with what you're channel is doing.

He kept disappearing then would reappear many months later after NC, gave him space and time and empathy, finally told him I couldn't do it anymore, no regrets.

dude u just described me! idk what to do.. I don’t wanna be judged for it .. non of whoever i got attached to in my life knew about it! I sucked it in n acted cold n anxiously around them.. i got attached to my best friend n he’s the only one i considered a best friend.. n i ended up ghosting him like i’ve never knew him.. i get attached easily so for about 3 years now i do not rely on relationships cuz my heart is gonna get in the way n ruin them.. especially with women.. i do not have any female friend n have never had.. cuz i know there will be insta attachment 😩 ... as much as i want closeness it’s terrifying! n I avoid it instead.. extra reason is I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me cuz it’s unfair for them n it’s gonna make me super anxious n it’s gonna break my heart even more.

Oh my god I had to pause this video for a second , unbelievable. This is absolutely what’s going on with me everythingggggggggggggggg !!! The silence in the room, the distance me being anxious. Everything . Are you sure you didn’t make this video specially for me ????

My ex is an avoidant, she litterally have every single sympthom you point out, we spent 1.5 years together and, and she just make it seem as if she's having the time of her life after our split.

Craig said it exactly how it is as always. My ex Is very independent and was always hyper focused on staying productive. He would always say how he felt he needed to do everything himself. like I would let him down all the time and that many people would prove to him that he really didn’t need anyone.. I felt like I was actively trying to do healthy things in this relationship but he always seemed to resist.

OMG! My ex-Fiancée 9 years together and we broke-up end of July 2019 Found you Coach Craig and have been watching your videos & purchased the Knowledge workbook since break-up I WISH I had found you while still in our relationship because I would have had the tools to be successful so I have so many regrets. I love him more than I have anyone in my life. I have been disciplined and have been doing no contact aka no reaching out since I moved out and he isn’t contacting either. It has now been 30 days He started dating right away. I am not. I am working on myself as I need to improve my emotional intelligence in difficult arguments and hope one day that our love really had meaning and we get to spend the rest of our lives together as we had planned. ❤️ your videos & workbook - it is saving me, day by day

Welp, Broke up with my first real girlfriend 3-4 months ago. Did the begging, pleading and hold on to hope for months and It sucks. Not sure when all these pain going to go away for good. All the things you mentioned in the video pretty much sums up who my ex girlfriend really is. She comes from a broken family where her mom ditched her dad and my ex herself always walk away from all the arguments we had and always expect me to apologize. Recently she told me she broke up with me cause we argue a lot when the source of argument is her... Really hard to date someone who have this kind of avoidant attachment style. I am actually afraid to start dating or even thinking of getting into another relationship yet. I did my best even when it was my first relationship and I still can get dumped haha.. Guess I am not good enough. Time to work on myself more. Thanks for the awesome video, it definitely helps and keep up the good work ! Now I know what to look for in my next relationship or potential partner.

This is my story- I dated someone for 6 months long distance (I was moving to their city within the year anyways). During that time we had an AMAZING connection, physically, mentally, emotionally. He started to worry about distance & said he wanted "me" but not "this". He started throwing himself into his work, his new job endeavours and then started to pull away. He said "I can't give you the time I deserve". And then he ghosted me two months later. We spoke 5 weeks after that and he said he "thought we both wanted it to end". (bc we got into an argument and he just disappeared?). Anyways- 8 months went by- I moved to his city- didn't directly tell him. He reached out 3 months after our last call and said "Im sorry for thinking that I was in a position to handle a long distance relationship, I was wrong." Then he never really had a convo longer than that. Fast forward to November- he started to like a million things on a shared fb group we had. Then he reached out directly in Nov. Then in Dec I got the "Can you talk?" text. We talked on the phone and he owned up to everything- said he knows 8 months is alot to unpack but he wants to reconnect as a couple. He said he knows he made a rash decision and regrets how things ended. It took me about 1.5 months to finally get to a place where I'm like, "ok let's do this!". I invited him over one week, we snuggled, held hands, watched movies, had dinner. Then, he started to pull away- he started saying he had "family stuff, work stuff, people stuff". ? I'm like ok no big deal- I have your back! And we talked about ways to support him- he didn't give any of course. Then he started having similar conversations that he had a year prior to when he ghosted me and I said "Is this a pattern? This is the same convo we had last year". The whole "I cant give you the time you deserve, I'm too busy, yadayada". He came over that Thursday, we kissed, talked and I didn't think anything of it. Three days later I could tell something was off since he FIRST came over. I said "How are you feeling about us?" He said, "I am happy we've reconnected". And that was incredibly vague & I thought, here we goooooooooooooooooooooo. So we hopped on a phone call and then out of the blue he says "The kiss the other night- it felt too fast. Like it felt off". I said okay I dont understand. He said "I dont know the past two months have been messy and I dont want to lead you on." And then he friendzoned me. This guy sucks. We are both in our 30s & it's all just a headache. I told him I'm not intersted in friendship at this point but good luck with everything.

I’m anxious ...he’s avoidant. I saw it clearly and I had to end it. Very frustrating to be with him. I was willing to see myself and willing to talk to about my feelings bc that’s intimacy to me. Not to him. It’s like an empty shell even though very sensitive. But don’t expect any real warmth.

My ex fiancée is EXACTLY how you describe the avoidant type. And all this time I was just sitting here thinking that she was bat shit crazy. Sabotage is her favorite terrorist strategy. Followed by blaming me for shit I haven’t even done! Lack empathy and being cold 🥶 is her favorite past time! How sad 😢 really. TYVM for enlightening me. I was feeling absolutely horrible!!! 🙏🙏🙏

You are an absolute life saver. I’m not sure even if my therapist could help me to this extent! Thank you! 💙

I find very insightful that he only became attentive to his gf when her emotional self became cold rude and distant much like as I would imagine his mother's behavior towards him when he was little.

ugh this is so me, feel so bad for my unconscious tendancys and treating my ex the way I did. I want everyday to break no contact to apologize for it all. I hope she will give me a second chance so I can make up for all of it. I feel like such a jerk, but I'm healing everyday. awareness is the first step.

Coach Craig, you hate the hand written letter. Horrible idea...but your reaction had me absolutely rolling with laughter.

Thank you for your videos! They have helped me cope, wish i could afford your prices to talk.

Please make an anxious attachment Style. Thank you sir. Love you videos

Wow! Such powerful insight into the behaviours and thinking of a person with "avoidant attachment styles" I wish I had of found your video during the course of my relationship. My ex ended our relationship suddenly and without any warning. I miss him every day. I was so devastated and broken trying to understand answers why I was abruptly discarded. I've since discovered by learning about attachment styles that he was the victim of avoidant attachment personality. It didn't matter how much love I gave him in the end, he was not willing to receive it and he avoided any true form of intimacy and closeness, with which he deliberately sabotaged by pushing me away. It's so sad that these people build barriers and walls around themselves to feel safe and that they are unable to get in touch with their true feelings and emotions. To heal and move on I have gone no contact it's been 4 weeks now and because of his avoidance style sadly, I don't think I will hear from him again. 💔😢

Please do make more videos with lists of symptoms of the different attachment styles. It helps is identify them. Also, what you can do to help your partner with that attachment style or what you can do to help yourself if you are that attachment style.

'women tend to mistake avoidant men as secure' BOY IF THAT AIN'T ME😭

I'm not sure if he was avoidant or anxious but I'm leaning toward him being avoidant because of the way he couldn't talk about his feelings and thought I was cheating just because I accepted a friend request from a Male and refused to get together and talk and instead unfriended me on facebook and immediately moved on with someone new. Understanding a little better about how reality can get distorted somehow makes me feel better about how he dumped me and blamed me for things he was actually doing! This video was immensely helpful. Thanks so much!

My therapist failed my couple’s counseling. She didn’t help anything...made it worst actually. She knows nothing about this concept. I’m dumping her!

Holy shit...its like you were in my exes mind. He literally said all that to me. This behavior is exactly the way he is.

its crazy how many things you said that my ex did. ive learned a lot from your videos.

This is my ex. He would break up with me every few months. He was emotionally unavailable I'm afraid we have broken up for good now after almost 5 years. This has given me extreme anxiety, depression & panic attacks. I am in therapy & we are in no contact. Trying to get over it but l still love him.

I'm actually here cause I'm writing a character with avoidant attachment style. This helped a lot!

I think my ex fiancé was a bit avoidant. She was always critical of me and never told me how she really felt. She says she was afraid to hurt me but idk.

Great video Craig. Recently dumped by an avoidant woman after a hot, 30+ dates in 3 months after we met online. I’m 58 she is 56 yo. She was dating bad-boys prior to me. After last Sunday, she abruptly stood up and left a cook out w/ friends and left party. Did not communicate w/ me fists. I thought we communicated well so I called her the next day. No response to the calls or texts saying how disrespected I felt by her actions. Finally, she responded with, “this relationship is over, I do not see a future w/ us, and there’s no chance of changing my mind,!” Via text. First time I was ever dumped via text...! I was dumbfounded & blindsided. She stated I have a drinking problem & it was a deal breaker. Well, I’ve helped her several time after she had too much to drink as well... I did the grand gesture, dozen roses, w/ card sayin “thanks for the time we shared, hope you find your perfect man. Btw: you are not all-that-&-a-bag-of-chips, either...” Goodbye. Wish you well-End of our story...” No response. I went by her house to get my stuff, I did not say a word to her. Knocked on her door, she gave me my stuff & I walked away... Thanks for the insight on avoidant attachment styles. I almost thought I was dating another narcissist... I really like this girl. I still will not tolerate being disrespected. But, I’m in NC and now see why her own daughters will not speak to her and she (my ex), is not even invited to their upcoming weddings this Oct & Dec 2020! Could you please do a video on 50+ y o and avoidant-anxious styles? Your help is appreciated in advance! Darryl!

It’s so strange that I was always very detached with my caregivers (my mom and grandma) as I was growing up but with my current relationship, my girlfriend is the avoidant type and it has made me anxious (or maybe I always have been?). The more I try, the more she pulls away. The more intimacy I try to create and the more I try to connect with her, the more she runs, despite us speaking about us having a future together (marriage, kids, etc).

I am def avoidant: trust issues 1000%, yep never trusted anyone in childhood. funny . now I have no problems leaving. Yep very uncomfortable talking about emotions. I never shared my feelings with anyone. Yep emotional bond from my end is lets just say I stopped trying .. easier to leave. lovers'emotional state none of my concern. LOL at lying ..well yeah lying is the thing. I built a wall behind is my heart. I can pretend to be a good gf but if a guy will break up with me now, 0 recovery time. i wont spend 1 day dwelling over it. i'd like to keep my heart away from rejection. yep I am empathy and cold. i m very independent, I have no interest in relying on people esp bfs. you pretty much described me.

So many of these videos I watch make people with insecure attachment styles seem like the villain instead of coming from a place of understanding and empathy. The reason people probably don’t like your generalizations in these videos is because your personal opinion seems very blaming and not open minded. This just keeps people who are trying to learn about attachment styles still defensive when listening to videos like these. I think this type of teaching does more harm than good. Since learning about avoidant and anxious attachment styles I’ve actually grown to find some of these qualities endearing now that I am aware of why they act like this. As long as people are trying, and we ourselves have a secure attachment style, I believe we don’t have to see them as so threatening. Maybe teach ways to cope and help them feel more secure instead of pointing out everything wrong with them, even if you recognize it’s not totally their fault 😊

Wow Coach Craig this video was amazing. I appreciate this video thoroughly. Golden, " Do they trust people?"

OMG. Spot on. I listen to the video and you have described my ex exactly as he is. Great video. Thanks a lot

Great video Craig. I hope this guy follows your advice.

Omg this is soo on Point! My ex has an avoidance attachment style. Now I understand why she is the way she is

Because of the long term emotional harm, an avoidant had caused me I developed severe anxiety attacks, depression and suicidal tendencies. Never again. These people don't know what love is nor do they deserve it. The past 2 years had been a living hell. And I just can't anymore. Any relationship with an avoidant is a toxic one. Do your best to avoid them. Let them be alone, alone. Don't let them make you feel isolated from someone you deeply love. I am saying all this yet I still hope he is going to b happy one day. I should hate him but I can't, what's wrong with me.

What if she's an avoident ex. Contacts when she feels like it. So the last thing I said to her was don't contact me when your feeling vulnerable or upset. Will she still come back?

coach craig this is absolutely mind blowing information... thank you for sharing!!!

holy cow. just realized.my wife of 23 yrs is this..exactly.. you can imagine what iv lived with. hope it all works out tho

My ex never accepted her mistakes & she had trust & temper issues, sometimes she would be cold & won't even try solve in hand problems but she did showed tremendous care & support for me, is this also avoidant attachment ?

OMG So Powerful and eye-opening. In my case though, I don't think I should share this with my "person of interest"... as the avoidant is unlikely to be open to this in the first place, and it could backfire.