becoming a hater. envy, projection, and toxic positivity. 

"disgust at strangers for being unapologetically themselves in public is masked envy because I cant really express myself for fear of judgement" wooooow I need a minute

This video was top tier. I mean the amount of perspective that I received from this was astonishing. Everything you said was stuff that I needed to hear. How you presented the topic and delivered it was 10/10. Thank you Monica.

I swear your videos always come at a perfect time, like exactly at the time that I’m facing those same questions and topics in my head. Your thoughts and experiences resonate so much with me and you’re able to express them in such a genuine and kind way. You’re amazing!!

Watching you is so fun, and I love the discussions and paths you go down. I especially love that you referenced Sneako in relation with Fresh&Fit, because I feel a lot of people are on him and with him, but I grew up with so many Sneakos, his points are so transparent and his personality is so cut and paste. It's insane how much envy grows in our understanding of ourselves, and dictates so much of how people move. I was also really keen on not learning how to make mistakes- it reminds me how so many people don't know how to value failing, and handling failure. Our emotional regulation gets stunted further and further back, especially in immigrant households, and we have to somehow teach ourselves everything when interacting with the naturally assimilated/"status quo" expected populace

Oooh looking forward to this. Trying to move away from toxic positivity myself

I love every video you posttt you’re amazing

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yeah i'm self admitted hater, im so much of a hater the only reason i clicked this video was to see if you would belittle sneako lol

I wanna turn that 59:51 onward into my alarm

I have a male friend that literally likes and then dislikes all my Instagram photos because he doesn’t like the fact that I get so many likes. It’s SO WEIRD when men are envious of women..

Ok can we talk about how your thumbnails are always so creative and fun?!!! I LOVE 😭 Thank you for doing this work. Appreciate you so much

I cannot explain how happy i am to see every video you post

These men lack common sense. When we receive recognition for our looks they tell us we don’t deserve it and we should receive recognition based on our work but when we are educated and work great jobs and make money they tell us no one cares…

Hot take regarding men not receiving as many compliments as women: they were socialized to conflate kindness and friendliness as sexual advances, both from women and from men (see all the "no homo" memes). If my choice is to be friendly and risk finding myself in a situation in which I'll need to reject a stranger because of a misunderstanding, or simply shut up, you bet I'm going with the second 👀 Indeed, I think men who clearly state (with words or actions) that they are not threatening or misogynistic, those men generally get compliments without issues. But maybe it's my limited experience 😬

I needed this. I am currently dealing with a lot of envy towards a close friend that I view as a big sister. I found myself getting angry at the opportunities she had, the fact that she’s moved away, getting angry that everything just works out for her and I feel like I’m working so hard to try and keep up. I new that I was envious, I really didn’t and still don’t want to be, but didn’t really know how to move past it. Now I have a kind of steping stone to take me in the right direction. I appreciate your utter and raw honesty in all of the videos you make I feel like I always step away with a new tool or a perspective I hadn’t thought about yet. Thank you.

Thank you. Haven't watched the video yet but thank you for constantly taking the path less traveled and speaking on topics that many avoid 🖤

Your thumbnails are always so cute, thoughtful, and humorous. 19:15 reminded me of twitter posts that go like," Niggas swear they're fighting demons, but the demons really just be bisexuality/consequences to their actions."

this is so true, their entitlement over someone else's needs, wants, body, emotions, etc are indeed roooted in envy.

I never thought that being judgemental and projecting was just another shade of envy 😩 You broke envy down in such a relatable way that it literally healed me because for the longest time I couldn't understand why I felt the need to rationalize my judgment. When really it just meant that deep down I was uncomfortable with allowing myself to do the same. Thank you for making this video 💕 It put me in check forreal. Also your shirt is beautiful 😍

I love that you brought up a Sneako vid. Ive been watching him for awhile and he for sure has some interesting points and perspectives but sometimes i just dont know if i can agree with him. I dont think ive gained enough intuition to really realize what type of person ive been watching but you clarified some of the thoughts i have when i watch him. I love to watch both of yalls perspectives and being 17 i think these types of videos help me discover my perspectives and beliefs. Thank you Monica!

Give me that classy mentally empowering content I L O V E Y O U

ik sponsorships can feel pushed just bc but y’all, she’s not lying chile beducated is actually so good, it helps so much with becoming so much more comfortable sexually, wanting and needing, consent and techniques, it’s a little expensive yearly but i definitely recommend!

I once heard someone say that being envious shows you want you want in life

" I'm literally gifted with the curse of knowing what's going on..." 47:45 That really resonated with me, great video.

27:32 As an aromantic asexual, who doesn't experience attraction towards anyone and doesn't have the need to have a romantic-sexual relationship with anyone, this hit hard. It's literally so that friendship in our culture is seen as the least important form of relationship. Literally anything can be prioritized over friendship when we're adults, there's no responsibilities, commitment nor even recognion of the friendship a lot of the times. And friendships are also seen as "the poorer substitute" of the "real" relationships, like you can have them when you still don't have "anything better to do", but once you get into "the real relationship", you can toss the friendship and no-one blinks an eye - in fact, everyone expects it. This leads to the situation where us aroaces will be time after time ditched. Our time and effort is never valued, because "it's just a friendship". Oftentimes people talk about "love" when they're solely meaning romantic-sexual love, ignoring the fact that platonic love exists too, and it can be equally if not even more fullfilling to some than romantic-sexual love. Romantic-sexual love is literally seen as the utmost form of all love. The goal in life everyone's obviously aiming at, so there's no need to even recognize or value any other form of love to the same standard.

That part where you spoke on not being thought to deal with problem solving in friendships/ family is so real. I’ve seen It damage so many relationships, including familial ones and it truly pains my heart that people are so quick to cancel out their loved ones over one misunderstanding. They essentially equate that envy or hate they’ve felt in their friendships to the experience with their family and are unable to see the difference, every disagreement is automatically a threat.

Who hurt the fresh and fit guy that he has so much hatred for women like damn

The sheer irony of that dude going on about how his girlfriend doesn’t deserve to have self-esteem and wishing that people didn’t compliment her while claiming that it is women who are jealous of men. The lack of self-awareness in these type of men have never ceases to baffle me

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Love your videos! I'm trying to get over some of the bitterness I've been feeling lately and I know that starts with confronting my envy.

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Monica, please collab with Hubert. Thank you:

You're seriously one of my favorite youtubers, I love the work you put into your essays, theyre so thought provoking

Oh boy, this really hits for me. Especially what you said near the end about shifting from nihilism into actually wanting to preserve some of the things you've accomplished for yourself. Some really important stuff thank you so much

i really like hearing your thoughts and opinions on things

I’d love to see a video about how you transitioned out of the nihilism mindset, as someone in my early 20’s that shit’s hard

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Huber needs a collab from you they said

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Girl you called me out in this video BADD 😧 But, I really needed it. Like seriously. With envy, I was going down a bad rabbit hole of feeling worthless. Why are all these people moving when I feel like a rock? I tried to talk to my mom, but she keeps saying "You are moving at your own time frame." That's the thing, if I was on my own time frame, I would be doing things differently. I have an idea of what I would want to be and how to get there, but I'm still the same as I was over 5 years ago. This video helped me realize that I'm struggling with some sort of depression and envy with all issues of my life. But it also gave me hope hearing your anecdote of turning 26. I want to get to that point whenever it may present itself to me, and I want to put in the work. Thank you for the great listen and I can't wait for another video!

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Sneako is daddy

why the guy from one minute podcast hates his girlfriend??? what is even his point???? he could've made an interesting point like "why being pretty is being praise the same as career success" but he took it personal, like homie they dont know your girlfriend tf your wanted them to complemented her fo besides the fact that she is pretty💀💀

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this is one of my favourite videos ever! I find it so hard to admit it when I'm envious, and I think it's partly because I've witnessed how one can be instantly villainized when they admit to feeling envy, so it becomes really hard to openly talk about envy in a safe environment. Thank you so much Monica

I always found cringe when people would say out loud “they are jealous of me” I always thought it was such an arrogant thing to say, I would never say or think that of myself, I would never think “they envy me” seems so arrogant still. But by thinking like this was letting the envy pass over me without catching in, so I have never acknowledge the envy of others or my own, but envy is real!!

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do a collab with the young man named Hubert

i feel like cis straight men specifically, are taught that power comes from dominating other people, especially people they deem below them. Whereas us women have been taught to find empowerment through the oppression we face. So us women feeling a sense of pride for ourselves and our accomplishments makes cis straight men angry/uncomfortable because they realize that even with all the BS us women face we can still thrive.

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Thank you for being my best parasocial friend right now, Monica 🤣 I love Natalie and her envy video is such a classic! Your questioning good vs bad behavior and how they can fuck with conflict resolution/resilience in friendship is so important. The tension between recognizing if the envy is related to only personal healing work, or connected to systemic oppression (it’s often BOTH) is making me think of episode 281 of For The Wild podcast with guest Prentis Hemphill, as well as the book How We Get Free Black Feminism and the Combahee River Collective. I agree, you are trying so hard and doing so well!!!

Beautiful video! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice - I just turned 25 and I never thought about it but I totally relate with what you're talking about r.e. not expecting to be this old, not expecting to find people and recognise people in my life that make me want to LIVE like dude you nailed this topic and I am so stoked for your next video

come to Brazil

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This was great. I think you would really enjoy Brene Brown's HBO series based on her book Atlas of the Heart. It's about emotions and is truly phenomenal.

I've been having a hard time coming to terms with all of this. It is even harder to foster the courage to be free enough to talk about this with certain friends, out of fear of how I'd be perceived. I have been feeling so trapped with it, but this, I needed this. Thank you so much!!

Your commentary always slaps. I'm glad that someone is finally bringing up the topic of envy in a balanced way. It has effected me recently, and part of the battle is just acknowledging your thought pattern, and gathering what need is not being met in your life for this feeling to arise. I don't agree with everything you said, but I love your talking points and Insight. Side note as a Christian, the 7 deadly sins are not biblical... kind of like how dantes inferno shaped a lot of false Depictons of hell, but is no were to be found in the bible. Plus we believe that we are saved by the grace of God through our faith by simply believing in Jesus- simple. We are called to repent aka (turn away from sin) and towards God- not be sorry/remorseful. Sorry for the long message LOL thx for yet another thought provoking hot take 😄

I'm almost 30 minutes in and loving everything but I am SO thankful for how you put into words the specific family mindset that comes with growing up in an immigrant household. (the family to husband pipeline 😭👌🏿) Even though I did have good friends coming up in school, I could not be what I can only describe as emotionally available enough for them because I couldn't spend time with them the same way others could, due to parental protectiveness. I can comprehend my parents' reasoning now but I didn't learn the kind of work that went into true, deep reciprocation for platonic connections until college. And it was hard, but I'm so grateful to still have these friendships today. Thank you for putting words to an experience that is often indescribable.

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i value these videos more than you’ll know

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Teaching me a lot. Your channel is very refreshing.

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Colab with Hubert shout shout out Australia 🇦🇺

Anyone who's jealous of a friend i'd like to offer some advice! And a story if you're interested. Story: I've never seen myself as someone anyone could be jealous of. I'm not overly attractive, don't have many friends, not very talented and I feel like my family doesn't like me. But recently i had to cut my jealous best friend off. I don't feel flattered, i just feel really sad that I had an enemy disguised as my best friend. She was jealous of my relationship, appearance, my mind and the person I am. How she went about it was never celebrating my wins or being happy for me, feeling content when something went wrong for me, never giving me any compliments or reassurance, subtly pushing and putting me down, making anything I had to say about herself, not letting me speak about myself EVER without acting disinterested or cutting me off, copying my interests, pretending to be like me and playing with my insecurities. My advice: for anyone who is treating or feeling towards their friend like this to protect their owen feelings is this. Just be honest with them. Fucking tell them how you feel. Put your pride to the side, for your own good and theirs. A good friend would be empathetic towards hearing you feel you're lacking in the areas you're struggling in and even offer you advice and want to help you. Maybe even be more mindful of what they share in order not to trigger you until you fix yourself up. Let them be happy now and be a real friend because one day it will be you, and karma is real. Its okay to feel envy. Its natural. I have too, but its the way you go about it that defines your character.

Exactly what I needed today

Excellent video. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about that culture dynamic of family over friends. I’m from South America and that was preached at my house A LOT. I can maybe see how in a culture that values family communion it could work, but in the US was a bit of a shock. Also I feel like learning this early on really fucked me up as an adult. I envy those people that have their group of friends that feel like family, but I’ve never felt like that could be me.

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COLLAB W HUBERT MY LIL BRO

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You should collaborate with SNEAKO

Girl imma need you to start putting your videos on Spotify in podcast form too so I can listen in the car 😭😭💖

Dude I used to not believe is parent envy.. or even close “Friends” being envious. It took me until now that I am thirty to see this. And yeah now I don’t know what to do with this lol

This shit hit hard. I come from immigrant parents too and a few siblings I had to share everything with growing up. When I moved to uni and shared the dorm with my friend (who is an only child and also has immigrant parents) I was genuinely astonished at all of the things she had to bring and even to decorate her space, so much of it was actually quite expensive which left me in a situation of confusion (and of course envy) especially since I was never able to have any personal belongings to call my own. All of the money I had worked for had never been used for joy and leisure, i was taught growing up that even purchasing something for myself out of enjoyment was selfish and a waste of resources, despite the fact I had worked so hard to earn it. But here was my friend buying and shipping items out to the dorm weekly without a second thought. I would often compare our desks and just tell myself that at least mine had enough space for my work and was organized to make myself feel better (it really didnt work, since my sister even commented on the big difference and said my portion of the room lacked personality). There was also a few times when She would show me places that we can go out and eat at as a treat, I was honestly so scared, i wasn't doing well financially since I had used a large portion of my finances to pay for the quarter and groceries but I also didn't want to disappoint her. So id agree and we would go, id look through the pricing of the menu looking for the cheapest options available, afterward when we would go back to the dorm I would cry myself to sleep. The immense shame that I felt was indescribable, knowing that fourty bucks that could have been used to buy necessary supplies was spent on a burger and fries meanwhile she joked about me being bad at budgeting ( she didn't know ) I was struggling and it made me angry to hear that i was bad at maintaining my money when all of it was saved throughout the duration of years for university to swipe it underneath me all at once.

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I swear, to me, everything you say j makes sENSE and clicks

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Colab with Sneako ,( ill say what I want punk)

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