Most likely wanting to save the marriage after adultery is due to a family narrative and fear. You should always remember that the person who betrayed knew it would cause you suffering but they chose to burn you. This is their character. Once a cheater not always a cheater but always a cheater in your marriage. Don’t sell yourself short. You got sold a bill of goods.
Yes. Absolutely. That is true. Both of us had to work at it. There had to be repentance, understanding, love and compassion. There had to be obedience to God's word. And God gets all the glory!
Don't let bad behaviour (men-women) steel your joy, (destroy your future). Write down things you want to leave behind, "DIVORCE THE BAD THINGS" Create a new future of how you want it to be, Write down all the things you want to create in a new relationship.
Forget it. You-Will-Never-Heal. People who say you must forgive and have communication and bla,bla,bla...dont know what they are talking about. Best advice you will ever hear is yo leave that poisoned relationship.
Hi John, I take it from your comment you have much anger. Do you have help with that? I'm sure you know if you don't deal with it it will destroy you in the end. Write back if you feel I can be trusted.
Why do you take it that I have anger? And why don’t you address the issue? Do you know how much people are suffering from ADULTERY thinking all along they were no longer married? The children’s lives that are damaged and reciprocate the lie over and over again...?
Also I notice, you like so many others use the word “divorce” and then people think they are no longer married, when in actually they still are and they get into other relationships causing more hurt and damage ...
John, when people divorce they are no longer married. that is what "divorce" means. An affair is an affair. Yes, it is a form of adultery, but the two are not the same. There are other forms of adultery. Why play semantics??
I feel so validated by this talk! I only found out about the mistress when my husband announced it on my daughter's 17th birthday. He knew this was a deal breaker for me. Thank you for acknowledging betrayal. Everyone was telling me to move on from day one as if it just meant nothing and shouldn't affect me. I was also betrayed by my in-laws who socialised with his mistress behind my back.
Ainsley, I know the feeling. Only mine didn't tell me about her. I knew and confronted him with her. I asked him to choose her or me. He never could give me an answer. So I chose to leave. The devil really knew how to screw us up. God is my refuge now. Jesus truly is the only One who really loves me, even though we don't see Him we feel His presence by His Spirit. Wish you hope and healing.
you all probably dont give a shit but does someone know a tool to get back into an Instagram account..? I was stupid forgot my login password. I appreciate any assistance you can offer me.
On top of his 6 year affair i found out it was a neighbor and his parents knew about it and encouraged it. They had them both at their home for holidays and vacations. I thought he was being the "nice" son seeing and helping his aging parents.
Some people do believe they're smarter than everyone else and will never be caught. Besides, IMHO, regular or compulsive liers are so used to it that over time they end up believing their own lies. As if it were a kind of magical thinking.
Thank you, cause and effect does NOT apply in these situations. THEY made the CHOICE. I've been trying to get this point across to our therapist, time to look for a new one.
My joy has been completely destroyed! Not only was I cheated on, MULTIPLE TIMES, but there is no attempt to completely disclose and resolve. Seems like the only path is to end it and move one, especially, if after over 10 years of celibacy, now I am to have any chance of intimacy gain!!!
I truly need this ! My husband of 16 years has admitted to wanting to have a affair with his co worker after I caught messages they have been sending to each other. It's been 6 months now I am still having a had time with it. The anger and bitter I can't seem to shake.
Well I did most of these things, I forgave my husband, he came back, just to be unfaithful again and again. Finally, I divorced him. I couldn’t take it any more. The sad thing is, he was the love of my life. 30 years on, I still can’t forgive him. I find it really hard to trust any man now. Yes it’s not fair on a new relationship, but I always expect subconsciously that the new man will cheat as well. I have two children by that marriage who are a constant reminder of him and when we were happy. My husband is now in his fourth marriage. It looks like he is not happy unless he can destroy relationships.
There is no peace, fulfilment or satisfaction or contentment outside a relationship with Jesus. Big hole in every person that sex, money or power can't fill or satisfy.
Maybe your former husband would be happier in a consenting, non monogamous relationship? Perhaps he doesn't believe in the cultural norm of monogamy. It's taboo in this country-non monogamy, that is.
Ur an angel!! I wish i could talk to u 1 day.😘 I wanna be healed. I wanna learn how to trust again. 😘 . It feels like every word that u said struck me. Thank u.
My partner of 25 years, wife of 20 would never agree to any of these four steps. She cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship with her then boyfriend, who I thought she was through with. Apparently she also cheated on him with me. I forgave her! Big mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. Year ago she called it quits and the harder I fought the further I drove her away. Little did I know she had already laid the groundwork for my replacement. Last Tuesday I found out she is in a relationship with this 2x loser. He moved out on his second wife and two young children. I have started to take my life back and taking the necessary steps to take my life back. If if she was willing my wife would never agree to these 4 steps.
Generally I agree. But there can be a reversal where the cheating spouse (wife) wants to rebuild and has deep regrets. I guess it depends on the person. It takes both willing to build a new relationship. The old one is gone permanently. The problem is that the new one may not fill some of the needs the old one did.
You can also listen to Jimmy Evans the marriage counsellor he is very good as well as the lady did are speaking right now give you good Insights on how to deal with your emotional pain
For anyone in that heroic, save the marriage phase where you're doing everything to save the marriage, I'd say don't. Most marriages won't survive this and most cheaters won't stop. Unless they are the one scrambling to do all the heroic, then you might stand a chance. Even then, the odds are still pretty low. I tried all that. He kept lying, refused to follow up and almost anything and of course cheated again. He'd heard me cry like a wounded animal and still went right back to it, while I was in a deep depression, losing weight at freefall speed. Didn't matter, and neither did I.
4.5 years later and I still have times when I am crying and angry or crying and depressed. Then I feel like a failure for that....and my husband feels like one because of my pain and like he should be doing things differently or I would be different. It is so discouraging.
