Biggest FLIRTING MISTAKES That Keep You SINGLE... | Matthew Hussey 

Matt looks like he's trying to flirt with me while explaining how to flirt... The man knows how to do it

I can’t even get date 1 😂

I don't even want a boyfriend and I enjoy listening to Matthew - He's so charismatic, confident, intelligent, articulate, handsome (and that accent is just adorable). Awesome job Mr. Hussey. Keep up the excellent work. You are respected and appreciated.

I'm so glad he mentioned pacing. That's where I've gone wrong many times. I thought I was being bold, fearless, and confident in being very flirtatious and sexual early on, when that was actually indicative of fear and insecurity. Take your time, build the sexual tension slowly, let it simmer, give it room to breathe as you gradually escalate. This isn't about game playing because you're not sending mixed signals and are still conveying interest in the person. It's a strategic, intentional choice to create a highly erotic experience - in the same way that gradual foreplay and slight teasing make sex feel so much better.

It’s absolutely in the eyes for me. The way they look at me when I’m explaining something… they’re looking at my emphasis, to the way they look at me after they’ve kissed me for the first time, they’re looking at what they want. The eyes are the window to the soul. I flirt with my eyes, I expect my date to as well.

I love how they’ve turned dating into an extreme sport. It’s no longer about getting to know someone to discover if you’re compatible, etc., but about creating a bespoke experience that will score a callback-like an audition or a fantasy football league or those people who spend all day cosplaying. Your mission, if you choose to except it, is to be hot without being vapid, well groomed without being superficial, successful without being materialistic, well rounded with being pretentious, affectionate without being clingy, interested without being desperate, etc., etc., etc. And all it really boils down to, as the title “Get the Guy” suggests, is being whatever the guy wants you to be at any given moment of the date and to hell with your God-given personality and character. All the women I know who are “successfully” dating or married take a second seat to their man without (a) realizing that this is the case or (b) resenting him for it. And frankly, I don’t think that “B’s” actually exist. I think that men just evoke these fantasy women when they’re trying to bring “A’s” to heel. To put this another way, if it were so easy to find the kind of women that men are looking for (i.e., the proverbial fish that the sea is allegedly full of), they wouldn’t waste time trying to shame you into being their perfect Stepford wife (I hear the latest model talks and fucks and even bends her arms!). They could afford to be big. They’d just thank you for your time, like a gentleman, and try the girl next door. I think that women need to reclaim the narrative for themselves instead of listening to so-called “dating gurus.” The goal should be to discover your best, most authentic self and to be so confident in that that men have no choice but to (a) be all they can be or (b) have sex with each other. And frankly, “A” isn’t going to happen until men are humble enough to do the work that the women on these channels are evidently willing to do to find “true love” (albeit one based on performance rather than personhood). Heck, for the kind of a performance these guys want you to give, you deserve a whole lot more than a man. You deserve a freaking Oscar.

6:59 "Lack of connection: you'll suffer later on. Lack of chemistry: you'll suffer early on."

I agree, complimenting a man (or women) does create the chemistry. Like if a girl complimented me it will spark something in me to question if I should talk to her or not. Either way flirting is like a game of ping pong and the compliment is the first serve.

You have to be ok in the uncomfortable silence and just be yourself let things happen organically I always meditate before I go on a date and that allows me to be in my body and show up my most authentic self and that create space for them to be who they are 🥰💖

I've been a stutterer for my whole life, so when Matt talked about pacing it was a bigger revelation than I initially thought. I realized that my biggest problem not just with women but in every aspect of my life, is fear. I am afraid, very afraid of: 1. Getting perceived as weak and getting punished because of this by the people around me. 2. Never being listened by others, leading me to sound very anxious when speaking. 3. (Related to point #1) Being betrayed by women when opening up, which led me to adopt a cold and distant behavior when speaking to women I was interested in. A million thanks for this revelation, Matt!

Hussey, you are such a talent. I learn so much each time I hear you talk - regardless of the content.

Hi Sir ... This is such a big one and it's tooo awesome leading to conclusions about 2main elements :to be his soft ,safe place for him to rest his head where all his pressure ends up , focus on Connection in a way when he is not with the person there is a sense of longing to be naturally there as what he gets to experience with the person is something where he gets to feel at ease ,relaxed and allow his vulnerable parts out . Thanks so much for everything with many more big ones to come . Regards and Much Care 🤗💝

This is one of your most powerful posts. Heaven knows; it is that simple. If you want a second date you need to create chemistry with flirting. Pace it well...

Brilliant! Matthew has made a successful career out of being an observer. What he says is smart because it’s based on his paying attention and noticing patterns. Thanks for sharing this. I think humans are always fascinated and perplexed by the female-male relationship dance. And I think Matthew has watched a lot of us dancing, and wants to tell us how we can dance better, and more successfully.

This is creepily on point to my exact situation, wow. This is brilliant thank you! Would love more on this.

The value that this guy gives is unbelievable. Thank you so much Matt ❤

oh, i love this advice! wanted to give someone a compliment yesterday but totally flaunted it because my pace was too quick. due to my lack of confidence! exactly what was said in the video! creating sexual tension was not really my aim, but all the same. thanks for the advice.

Wow ... Such a nice video ... The distinction between connection and chemistry, so accurate 👌

I watched this video and I actually tried out the methods and it genuinely went brilliantly. I ended up kissing hun at the end of the night and I have another date with him tomorrow. Came back to watch this and help me prepare again haha

Thank you so much Matt for sharing all this valuable information! You are literally chancing my life with your videos

The connection & chemistry distinction is spot on!

Thank you for mentioning the speed. I am often too quick, talking, moving and all. This is so helpful!

I love this idea of pacing. It's so hard not to rush your speech when you're excited! What about in the context of texting? With modern dating a lot of people prefer to text rather than call so the pause between replies are much longer and then the flirting tension is gone...

I'm in my 50s and have not heard anyone speak about pacing before! This information is so valuable!! Thank you guys so much for taking us deeper into the subtle but vital things of relationship.

I agree so much with pace- not only in flirtying but also in friendship or even official conversation…… when someone starts speaking so quickly oder interrupting with quickly spoken words I immediately don‘t feel well with this person nor seen as a person! Thank you for your inputs and greetings from Austria🌻

This is my favourite channel. I especially like it when you explain everything so nicely. I wish you a lot of success with the channel and happy life ❤️🙌

PACE! That’s my biggest problem! Thanks for talking about that area!

Found this guy when I was going through a rough end to a 14 year relationship to now needing all of the flirting advice 5 months later 🥰🥰

If it's gonna be, it's gonna be. Why do we need to be hyper sensitive to all the factors of dating? In fact, that brings a level of "planning" to a date, which makes it harder to find a natural connection with the right person. Instincts and nature either line up or they don't. If you're that worried about not finding someone in 4 billion of the opposite sex, maybe it's just not a good time for you to date. Work on yourself, not your timing and delivery and tone. Wouldn't be surprised if this offended people, but I'm just saying we shouldn't need to dissect all these aspects of human interaction. Be you. Don't be a different timing or delivery or tone in the hopes of finding real love.

Very right on point here gents! Haha laughed at the moment of "flirting" between you two at the broad shoulder shirt comment. 😂 Also another thing to mention with fast-paced flirting is the opposite is also true. Either extreme of the spectrum is bad - To rush the pace or to move so slow with flirting because you are shy or scared to seem vulnerable that you come across as showing no interest at all and create zero chemistry.

Thank you. You and your brother are crazy... But really really good. 🐘💕💕💕

I appreciate your content brother. U are definitely a guy I need to have as a mentor absolutely inspiring and motivational

Oof yes, the chemistry without connection just recently happened to me. I’ll toot my own horn and say I’m good at flirting and creating chemistry but sometimes it puts me in a place where I don’t recognize that the person I’m going on dates with isn’t compatible with me.

Love this! Thank you 😊

Great content!

Personally, I don't need help with creating chemistry. I'm just not romantically interested in 99% of the men I meet because we aren't compatible in a serious or long term relationship. Flirting can draw people in but if they aren't what we're looking for they end up being a time and energy waster.

I'm in a weird situation with a man. I think I love him, but... I don't know if this thing we have is actually healthy, or really just another trauma bond... I need prayers. Him and I both do, that whatever this is between us, will ultimately be for our own healing. And that we will co-create something that is loving and magical and beautiful and happy and wonderful and miraculous and healthy, together. Love and/or friendship to last lifetimes...

This is great stuff boys

I Agree! Great Video Matthew and Stephen, thank-you. 👍🏽😃🌈🌟

You are very, very good at this.

These boys' chemistry as brothers is fantastic. XXOX

Wow Matthew, that burnt red color on you looks sooooo nice. (saying that in a non-rushed, confident voice)

This is brilliant. Forget all your other videos this is sooo what i needed right now. Biggest takeaway...RISK!!! Am too cautious...love this boys thank you. 'You have a nice shirt'...*pause* notes that down hehe.💕 xx

Ask people about themselves. Then tell them about yourself Can't go wrong!

I'm 27 and its my first time really getting stuck in to the dating scene for the first time ever.. I'd be lost without Matt and his brother! The dating dance is a bit fun though isn't it..

It seems like every date that has mutual attraction, mutual enjoyment of each other's company and behavior isn't complete without firm, detailed plans for date two. None of this 'Ya, let's get together again for sure. Keep in touch.' I'm guilty of saying that to be nice too! I need a day, event, time, and enthusiasm before I even think about taking him seriously. Guys, you should consider this as well.

It's about time someone said chemistry with no connection brings two people together that shouldn't be. Ty for that

Your pace here was awesome Matthew !

This was good!!

I find this speed of answering thing interesting especially because I’ve been rewatching Gilmore Girls and notice the speed Lorelai answers. Since it’s a show, you can make men react anyway you want to her in the script. I’d be curious for Matthew Hussey to analyze and say how he thinks men would react to her speed of flirting/answering in real life.

There's a lot of wisdom in this video. I've gone on dating rampages...date after date...dates that didn't result in 2nd dates, even though I felt that were pleasant & would've been open to that. Saying this from a place of confidence, not pretentiousness: I value myself highly, feel that I am witty, attractive, can have deep & interesting conversations...but I realize that I didn't take the risk on the dates. There was little to no flirting, cheeky complimenting. When the time comes for me to go out & date again, I'll definitely keep this video in mind.

Similarities and common ground create chemistry. If you are two different people, chemistry will be very difficult.

I love the moon picture in the background.

Awesome Awesome Awesome work thank you for all

Trust 8n yourself and know your worth,and then just have fun with it if it's ment to be it shall be. Love from a free flowing youtuber

There is a lot of value in good story telling. Is definitely a quality I look for. Guy Garvey summed this up beautifully for me: #Slide down beside and wrap you in stories, Tailored entirely for you#. If you can hold someone's attention (and not waffle on!), that's a very powerful thing.

Appearance is very important. Superficial? Yes. But that's where it starts. Self confidence. Good conversation, laughing appropriately. Look at him straight in his eyes, but don't stare creepy-like. An authentic compliment, either appearance or his accomplishments or something showing your admiration. But sometimes there's just a connection...or not. It happens, or doesn't happen, naturally. And if the two of you aren't suited for each other, there's nothing that can be done. It's a mismatch. But often that shows up in the conversation. A bit of flirting is good, if you can do it naturally. Don't drink too much.

So glad be here early.

Thanks, from Spain!!

This tip about speed is actually Gold.

It's all about the mind chemistry. Some minds just cannot be joined and others are almost like one mind.

I saw him and couldn't take my eyes off him !

The nuances are so critical!! Slowing down exudes confidence and control. Which is soooo sexy. Great vid guys.

The best way to flirt is to be subtle at any cost. Once that settles in, flirtation would seem natural rather than a hyperbole. Guys need to take notes, they don’t need to bring flowers and a box of chocolate to woo the person they want to flirt with. Just be there on time and be available.

In New Zealand we do that a lot :) when we are talking we give many compliments during the conversation but I actually like it :). However if I like someone not sure if that works, you are right 😊

Matthew Hussey..you are God's most beautiful creation in the world..

Omg I didn't even know I needed to hear this. Pacing

Hey, I am very thankful for your videos and they helped me to go through a lot of emotional things. I managed to get over someone with your help but I am asking myself how do I get over someone that I have to see everyday? Getting over someone that you can just block and throw out of your life is „easy“, but how do I get over someone that I simply can’t block out of my life because I have to see him everyday in school or at work. It seems unbearable

Well shoot, it’s that simple!? I always felt like flirting would come off as desperate or too forward. I’ll try this next time. 😊

tbh i used to talk really fast but approx 2 months ago, i just stopped caring, about almost everything. now no matter what comes at me, no matter who says what, they always get a pause, i remind myself i give no shits, and i talk as slowly as i want and at my own pace. i have to do that to break out of the old habit. its working wonders.

Matthew! You’re giving away my secrets again!! 😂💯🔥😘

I really hope Sir M knows how his sessions and videos also really help gay and bi guys a tonne and a half! Thank you Mr Hussey for all the knowledge, wisdom and tools... and you’re damn handsome to boot! ✊🏽

Very nice

I don't want a boyfriend but I like listening to these two talking about dating, love, and more importantly guiding you into a more authentic self. I don't really see the point in performing because that usually backfires, 2 months or 2 years down the road (or 20 years), but I acknowledge that dating is a game (otherwise c'mon people why are we even doing this?). Dating shouldn't feel like a chore, it's supposed to be fun to meet new people! I think that's were most people go wrong, they put all the eggs in one basket the first time they go picking eggs....if you want a second date, you go ahead and let the guy or gal know...."that was fun, I hope to see you again" or "that was fun, I'm going to a concert next week, would you like to join?"....boom, 2nd date secured

Be yourself 💖

Great advice... oh so true.

At least I know I'm doing something right lol when I give compliments they r always genuine and I never rush it. even if it's something as simple as "I like ur shirt" they'd say "thank u" and I'd counter with "the color really suits u or/brings out ur eyes" and tilt my head down and look up at them through my lashes and smile and then ask what there favorite color is and probably laugh lol

Lol this is just a natural skill of mine. I don't even have to try very hard most of the the time. Problem is, I fail with people I actually really like. I just freeze and shut down!

Doing all of this sounds so daunting my goodness.

So what happens if you have done all the wrong things, how do you fix it?? Can you bring it back? How do you stop being awkward?

That was really good. I felt that! When you smiled and your eyes glowed! And each of you men had that moment, as you were recalling a girl... that was very cool! hehehe 😁

well, this is all great, but works best when happens with zero effort and no premeditation. That’s real chemistry! Prob you can fake it a bit to help it along or build it up, too (if you have SOMETHING to start with), but nothing trumps it when it’s just THERE. Great reminder to slow down though. And ofc very important point, chemistry without connection will only destroy you. Take heed!

You said that you dont read these comments - but I wanted to say anyway - very much enjoyed this. I also think your bro Steve could try to pace himself a bit more...I know he can do it.

Looking at and into their eyes and their smile and their lips and listen intently but don't you think chemistry happens or it doesn't? compliments are really good too.

Matt isn’t even my date but Im over here feeling giddy listening to him 😂

Love the tip about the pace. What I think I need is coaching. It´s like I am defeat before starting because I know love is not something that happens to me. Any recommendation?

Omg 😲 this is totally me! Lol Ty Matt!

Nowadays it’s all online I have tried IRL for 8 yrs in La, the earphones buds etc nobody nobody listens or pays attention ever! Not in a bar restaurant gym coffee place. I have Matt’s advice book etc, nobody is in the Moment! 25 yrs in LA a joke no I’m from Boston we talk we care 🙏🏻

Thank you 😉❤️

needed this video about two weeks ago... oh well..

Ditch the superficial compliments. If you want to stand out, find a deeper compliment about the person's character. Listen to what they say and compliment their character or their positive attitude when going through adversity or their sacrifice for selflessness that they did in their life. This will have a more lasting impression rather then "Nice shirt" - ffs !!! It's NOT all about chemistry! Finding compatibility is more important. If you feel you have to "create chemistry" that is not authentic. It is manufactured. That "fire" you are talking about is a natural thing. Just because you find chemistry, does NOT mean you are compatible with that person. The examples the brother is saying is so superficial.... dimples? laugh? shirt? OMFG is this what we have come to ? People you have to find depth and think about if this person you are sitting across from has the same morals and values as you and if they are good for YOUR mental health. Go on a date to see if you can develop a friendship. You don't have to state that intention but it should be an important part of "dating" if you are serious about creating a long lasting partnership.

Amazing

I honestly think it’s impossible to create chemistry.. what you talk about can creat connection, and for some people there’s no difference, but for me there is.. I think it depends on personality types.. Some people have broader spectrum, for others it’s more specific and narrower, they have a certain type which goes beyond looks: Mannerism, voice, gestures, smell and the manner in which a person holds himself, for sure..

ILY man

I don’t think you can create chemistry, I think it’s there or it’s not. I think you flirt when you feel chemistry and it just ramps up the excitement. I personally can’t flirt with I guy I don’t feel chemistry with.

Do you think chemistry comes after physical and emotional connections or vice versa?

For me personally first dates are horrible if I get to a 2nd I come out of my shell more and they get to experience more of me, first dates always horrible the difference from the first to the second is massive

Can you do a men's version of this!

I think the “spark” is a fallacy as to romantic compatibility. That “spark” or chemistry is typically physical and/or sexual attraction - that’s it. To me, the “spark” without a slow immersion of getting to know someone is your intuition via your body of alerting you to danger.

I think I have flirting down. Some of my friends have said I'm naturally a flirt lol. But, Matt, can you break down the difference between chemistry and connection? Also, I like how you talked about telling stories and not rushing through them, so every nuance comes across. But I'm very talkative on dates. I'm also a good listener and good at remembering things people tell me, so I can follow up with them later. But my mom thinks I might talk too much on dates? Is this possible?