" as long as he provides" really reminds me of how a lot of black parents also speak about their roles in children's lives. As long as they provide a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food, their job is done and a kid has nothing to complain about .. So this socialization of " the bar is in hell" goes further than partnership. And that also makes it harder to see abuse and emotional neglect in partnerships between grown black people.
Preach! Its a sad truth , but it is reality for so many of us, and we have got to create spaces to be honest about it so we can acknowledge a truth and grow from it.
There's so much nuance and depth to this topic, I've been a fan of your content for a minute now. I actually referenced you video "Black Men and Love" in this video because it spoke so much truth. I'm sure your going to add so much to this topic. Thank you for commenting & BIG Thank you for sharing. It truly means a lot man 🙏🏿😩
Love the video! I will also add that as a black woman I feel like I can't just be average, I have to be exceptional in order to deserve love. Like, in Hollywood there are TONS of films about average white women falling in love. They can be described as basic, boring, clumsy, etc, and still get the guy in the end. But when it comes to romance films with black female leads, it's like the complete opposite. They are always the "strong black woman" who is the best of the best at everything she does, and looks gorgeous 24/7. It makes me feel like I'm not deserving of love unless I'm making six figures and looking like an Instagram baddie all the time. And the common denominator I see in black love is that black women HAVE to be "high value" in order to deserve being treated right, and even they get told that their standards are too high.
Felt this, I feel like it also plays into respectability and how Black people have to be digestible and producing something for society in order to be valued.
WOW! This is an incredible and honest take. I agree, black women are told both explicitly and implicitly, in the media especially as you so eloquently just point out, that they must be perfect! Thank you so much for adding that nuance to this conversation. Grateful for you!
I feel as a black cis het man. The struggle to express emotion is not a fear of emasculation. The struggle comes from not being seen. Society only recognizes 2 emotions from me; anger or lust. So when I express vulnerability, it is not heard. Which reinforces my racialized trauma within my relationship. And that is so unpleasant, so toxic, destructive and triggering that it's just easier to say nothing in future
Wow...i had this conversation with my best friend earlier... There are so many mental issues for the heterosexual black male, based on internalising their feelings. Women say they want a sensitive man, but when he is available, he is ridiculed. The only time a man is allowed to be sensitive are in R&B songs, it appears...
Men have to change the way they engage with eachother. You can’t expect others to see your vulnerability when you can’t respect and support each other’s vulnerability. To many straight black men afraid to be open and vulnerable with there other black male friends because they think that makes them gay or soft. That’s a mindset put on black men by other black men. That has to change. The energy you put out is what you get.
@@naeemjohnson4339 I'm sorry but this straight up IS NOT TRUE. This isn't the 1950s. Men are different. And because you can't see their vulnerability. You can't see when they are being vulnerable with each other. I guarantee you that every straight black man you know has shed more tears in the company of other straight black men than they have with women. Like, just look at any competitive sport. When men are in the company of other men and forget that they are being observed or assessed on their manhood. They can access their full range of emotions. Think about all the RnB songs by women that assess what a man is. Who he should be. What he should provide. What you think men can't hear them? You think that "Bills, Bills Bills" getting to #1 doesn't tell cis het men something about the masculine expectations of them? Stop talking at men about their emotions. Start talking to them about their emotions. And as bell hooks said, you'll probably fine that most men are willing to speak their pain. They just can't do it with you. Because your reaction is to point out their inadequacies. Rather than engage with the idea that they are a full and feeling person. And their pain might require you to change, not them
@@Kazekou As a gay black man; it is true and you know it. Y’all want to lead the community? Y’all want to be in charge and be the man? Then be it and make your own change. As a cis het black man; literally the only thing you deal with is racism. We deal with a whole lot more babe.
"I do not believe that whiteness is redeemable, but I do believe that white people are redeemable." OOOH A WORD!!! More people should think like this. So thankful F.D. recommended this video, I love the way you think and your energy! ✨🔥
Love between a racialized black and non black person is just.. Love..and that's okay.. I personally have found my life partner outside blackness.. I call it love, I usually don't even say interracial.. It's irrelevant to our relationship.. We are two people who love eachother, acknowledge hardships and listen to eachother and support eachother.. That's that
I think that black love is definitely more of a fairytale depending on how desirable you are to the gender you're attracted to. So, Lighter Skin black people will have a higher chance of finding it than someone darker. And then featurism and fatphobia play a huge role too. So for the less desirable black people, it may never happen for them. As it relates to gay men, the more masculine you are, the more desirable you appear to be. So dark skin femmes have a much harder time as well. The dating pool is very very small and only the pretty fish couple with others. In gay terms I think I'm in between masc/femme but to society I present as masculine. Unfortunately, I'm not the masculine ideal or the beauty ideal so my personal journey with dating black men has been limited. I say to everyone that dating exclusively black as a black person is a privilege reserved for the conventionally attractive. And when you don't have pretty privilege, you are told you have to lower standards. I've had one black boyfriend in my time. It was great. It didn't work out. Since then I've been in countless situationships and dead ends with black men but when I do see examples of Black gay love, it's always the very pristine and conventionally attractive couples on Instagram. The average to less average looking black gay men are often overlooked and undervalued. I will keep the door open for black men but I'm not shutting the door to non-black men who could treat me with respect, care and admiration.
As a person in an interracial relationship, I think black love is just between black people. There are some nuances, like I think love between two black and biracial people also counts as black love. And black love IS important, I would never discount that. The idea of people of our community coming together and uplifting each other in all aspects of life, is beautiful and inspiring! However, I've noticed that a lot of black women chase after that ideal. To the point where they'll accept the most dusty men, go through torment after torment, and do it again. All just because he's black, and she Has to "hold it down". Am I saying that all black men are like that? No, absolutely not. Just, life is more nuanced than our ideals. My general rule is, don't date someone because of their race. But also don't Not date someone because of their race. Am I making sense? While, we do have different experiences that should be respected, at the end of the day, people are people. So, be sure to always treat an individual person as such.
I agree you can't paint one race with one brush their are good and bad in every race the difference is black women and guilted into stay with toxic black men just because they are black men. There are great black men but they are "corny" or "simps" cause they respect their partners of let them lead the relationship.
@@lstarsabb Totally agree! Admittedly, I don't know how to fix a culture wide issue like that. The only thing I can think is, to keep each other in check. People shouldn't date someone they hate. Either out of a misplaced sense of loyalty. Or to be seen as alpha. And they definitely shouldn't disparage their own demographic just because they're dating interacialy Love should be the core of any romance. I think if we start there, we could get somewhere
@@lstarsabb Black women outnumbered Black men 2 to 1. So the chances of Black women finding that Black "unicorn " aka the good marriagable cis hetero Black man is very very slim. Black women must date out to increase their chances of finding romantic partnership that meets their standards.
I think interracial love is antithetical to “black love”, so I’d say it doesn’t fit under the term. I think the phrase “black love” speaks very particularly to two (or more? I wonder where polyamory fits in this convo) black individuals choosing one another. “Black love” is as much a cultural matter as it is a political statement. Black folk choosing to see and love one another in spite of a white supremacist patriarchal world that targets and degrades the “black family”. Love is love but black love is so heavily entangled with the history of black ppl, black gender dynamics, and the way our existence is constantly at odds with the world at large.
Me and my Ex had a service that drove customers to Penal Institutions to see loved ones. The MOST, I mean MOST of our customers were BLACK WOMEN...Supporting not only husband, BD but Brothers, Fathers, Grandsons, etc. A VERY SMALL population including Black Women went to the Women's Prisons to see ANYONE...Not Mommas, Daughters, Kids, and especially HUSBANDS, BD, SONS, or Grandsons...One would say well it's mostly Black Men in these institutions, but the numbers don't lie...These Black Women are being imprisoned and are left to rot without the support that their male counterparts experience...It made me so sad!!!!
Kimye wasn't ever giving real, healthy, loving relationship. It was giving very much clout chasing, securing the bag, increasing income with each pregnancy. I think it depends on the dynamics of the relationship if its with a racialized black person and a non (racialized) black person.
You really put your foot in this dialogue!! I agree with everything tbh lol , I would just say I think black love is exclusive to black people . The reason why it’s called black love is because it’s between two black people declaring that they are in love . For example jumping the Broom is really only a black concept.
OMG, I’m so glad I clicked on the link that FIQ posted. Yes to the vibes, the delivery, the fit, the serveeeeee. I love it here. Immediate sub. I’ve also never heard of someone else using masc and femme and man and women interchangeably. Feeling: Seen 😌
OMG, please don't get me emotional lol. I love that you said your feeling seen! Because that's the point, isn't it? Creating work that can speaks to the many intersections in our community. My heart is warmed & I hope to see you this Sunday for another video friend .
I’m reading through All About Love by the late great bell hooks. Fantastic book, Really trying my best to love better and love more on the women that I date.
@@herbyxrevolus no problem and GREAT video btw. I’m watching bits and pieces but the segment about the lack of emotional maturity somewhat resonated with me. Not that I don’t have it but I’m always trying to make sure it’s like…solid.
Here from FD Signifier and baby!!! You better TELL IT!!! When you brought up the spiritual imbalance!!! It’s been doing us IN! Smh well I’m loving this video so far and I’m absolutely subscribing!!! ❤️
I’m so happy this showed up on my timeline!! Loved this analysis. That snoop dog post boiled my blood and added to the long list of reasons as to why I’m not invested in him anymore. The shaming of black women into accepting the unacceptable is quite disturbing.
Okay imma get a lil’ spicy but… Can interracial love be black love? No! 😬🌶 but I’m not against it AT ALL! 🤷🏾♀️ I’ve def changed my opinion on interracial relationships because of videos like this!
I enjoyed this video a lot, especially on the colorism and racism aspects. You taught me something new while I am up with a stomach ache lol🤣‼️ As for you stating the interracial relationships being considered “Black love”…. The answer is no. “Black love” to me is two Black people (mixed with Black people included) who are in love genuinely. Like you said, “Black love” should be loyalty while also growing with one another to better life💯
Hi Julian, so sorry about your stomach ache. Try some ginger ale BOLD. If that doesn't solve it, idk what will lmao. No but srsly, thanks for your insight, I hope to see you this Sunday for another video friend !
Do I think black love can be interracial? I think that it wouldn't be classified as black love, but the focus would be on black self love. I am a black non-binary fem and have been in a relationship with a white/korean cis man for 10 years now. Its about his support in how I navigate the world as me. Its a healthy, loving, and passionatr relationship, but not a black love relationship in that way.
Great video! I appreciate your nuanced take on this topic. My issue with a lot of these conversations on black love or #blacklove that I see in social media is that it turns black relationships into some kind of zero sum game as if black people are either completely incapable of forming loving relationships with one another or people are not willing to have any kind of conversation about the problematic elements that arise in many black relationships. It’s always more complicated than that. I appreciate you bringing in the historical and sociological critique, because some people really seem to think colorism, economic disparity, etc. arose from thin air. I also think these conversations can frame interracial relationships as a cure-all when we have to remember that most groups are grappling with their own cultures of toxic masculinity (in addition to anti-blackness and other issues). I think some of us tend to idealize other ethnicities and races based on outward appearances of functionality and wealth when many nonblack people can have incredibly toxic relationship dynamics. All of this to say we should all be trying to become more loving, functional individuals and finding partners that match this based on their actions and behavior, regardless of their background.
Thank you and much respect and love. I really love your take. We absolutely should be centering love and the character of a potential partner as opposed to centering racial sameness or idealizing people from other racial backgrounds. Its difficult road though because there is something to be said about having a partner who intimately understands the black experience. Again, much love and I hope to see you on Sunday for new vids
herby the timing was impeccable. i loved every second of it especially your inclusion of data and statistics which can further solidify the arguments that you created. what i took away from it was how struggle love conflates passion with violence. thank you so much for this video!
That mf Trauma Bond ain’t no JOKE UHKAY! You hear me ! I can’t wait to talk more about this with you on Thursday 🗣. & no, Thank you so much for watching & commenting 😩🤎
Late but hereeEeee 💃🏾 As a bw in an interacial relationship with a white man. I am not calling that Black Love. 😅 I am loved and I am black but to your point Black Love ™️ is something very specific and it does nothing for me to try and shoehorn myself into that. Loving another black person FEELS different and that feeling is what Black Love ™️ is about to me as well as being protest. We gotta be okay with not being in every conversation lol
My God. You're so articulate and intelligent I could listen to you forever. You remind me of Adrian Xpression. Love it. But as for the video. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Not your heart, head, feelings or physically. That is struggle.
Only people who push interracial love with a BM as the black person in the relationship and insist on identifying that relationship as representative of Black Love, would be ok with the FULL erasure of Black women..black man plus black woman equals black “love” or more broadly, one black person with another black person is black love, it’s in the category of what constitutes “black”. Kim K is not a black woman so how can she be a part of what constitutes a black love relationship? Just because she was attached to/ had offspring by a BM? These non black partners come from groups who know and protect who and what they are. Only black peoples in particular BMs are insisting whomever they attach themselves to that that BMs blackness covers the whole relationship..
No, interracial love is not black love. They are simply a black person in love, they are not loving a black person. To me, black love is unique to two or more black people (I’ll give room for biracial people) that love each other.
This is a very well made video essay hats off to you my friend. As a straight man black man I have heard these points before and it still doesn't make it easier any time I hear them. But I still have to push back on the last part of struggle love. I have had my wife cheat on me and had taken her back. It not a very common thing but it does happen
This was a very well done video. Coming from a predominantly black country, getting to hear about the different ways people in black communities interact in relationships and it's links to colourism and whiteness is very interesting. Thank you for this.
I do think black love can only be expressed by only two black people because it’s literally two black people loving on each other, encouraging each other, being loyal to one another and just being like deeply in love with one another. I feel like yes you can gain all of that while dating interracially, but it just wouldn’t be called black love because both parties aren’t black only one is. Hopefully that made sense lol. Overall loved this video. Can’t wait to see you on IG this Thursday 🤎🤎🤎🤎
As a Latina I agreeee that men do NOT need to voice their opinions on black/dark skin women or even fem presenting men etc. at ALL. It irks me when men compare darker women to lighter woman in a masculine or aggressive way. That stereotype is ridiculous. Black peoples deserve SOFT LOVE TOO!! THAT part when you said men will sexualize dark skin people but don’t protect them.
Ok, hear me out. Can " black love" be interracial? Yes, but only if the both partners are from a minority group. It heavily depends on what this "black love" is for. Is it for the people in the relationship, or for those that witness the relationship. For example a black woman/fem presenting person dating/married/long term partnered to a Hispanic person. If the point of black love is finding a person that can understand the impact of societal, cultural, and historical struggle and find solace, comfort, and support due to that understanding than yeah another minority group should work as long as it is viewed through the lens of the black person for the sake of the label. If the point of black love is to produce primarily black children and couples that can serve as an example for other black people then both partners would need to be black for the sake of self inserts when viewing the couple.
I would say that I don't think a poor person could fit into a power couple model because power couples are an inherently capitalistic concept and within that concept is the celebration of capitalistic and cultural ideals being possessed by both parties of a couple.
I think black love is between black peoples however I don’t think it has to be romantic love. We could expand our understanding of black love to also include our platonic relationship. And decentralise romantic black love as the end all be all of the kinds black of love one can experience.
Also on interracial couples, I feel like they wouldn't be considered black love because one component of the black love ideal is the endurance of mutual attraction between black people in spite of the perceived temptations of dating or marrying out of the race to find happiness or to maintain happiness upon achievement of success (in our society, most likely, fame, wealth and status by way of one's talents). So Kanye would serve as an example of why black love would be imperiled, especially when referring back to the idea of the power couple and its inherent capitalistic value. So I think that gives the idea of black love another problematic element, which is the perception of attraction between black people as an institution between perpetually under threat by external forces. It contextualizes black relationships as existing merely as a function of our condition in society. And of course prominent black cis men who criticize black femmes, for example, play into the ideal of black love as they personify the image of high value black people distancing themselves from the rest of the race, again threatening the institution of attraction between black people in spite of white supremacist capitalism
37:09 well they will have a long,healthy, monogamous relationship which is called LOVE. Not “black” love. And Love is fine too. I know women who are miserable because they swore that if it’s not black, they don’t want it. And while I can agree that there’s something special about receiving black love, pliz, don’t miss out on happiness because you want that #.
commenting for the algorithm ❤hope i can help get more eyes on this video because it's a reckoning we as a culture need to have! (felt so seen and included by your language btw 🥺 thank you!!)
New subscriber, I am a pastors child and yes you are COMPLETELY right about the structure of relationships within the religious communities. This has been an amazing watch ❤️
I believe black love can definitely be interracial, but in a more black patriarchal sense. With how straight black men seek nb women to spite black women, I can see them trying to erase black women for this reason. Black men have had control of the narrative of black love, so they can, and I think would, redefine it to include nb women to dispose of black women.
Only people who push interracial love with a BM as the black person in the relationship and insist on identifying that relationship as representative of Black Love, would be ok with the FULL erasure of Black women..black man plus black woman equals black “love” or more broadly, one black person with another black person is black love, it’s in the category of what constitutes “black”. Kim K is not a black woman so how can she be a part of what constitutes a black love relationship? Just because she was attached to/ had offspring by a BM? These non black partners come from groups who know and protect who and what they are. Only black peoples in particular BMs are insisting whomever they attach themselves to that that BMs blackness covers the whole relationship…
This is my first encounter with one of your videos and it is a masterpiece. I don't have the words to truly express my excitement with what you created here. Love it. If I were to offer any critique, it would be that relationships seemed to be painted entirety as fem-masc. There wasn't much room in your assessment of black love for masc-masc or fem-fem black love.
I am happy for every single black person that finds real love out here in this hellish world. BUT if it isn’t with another black person, it’s not black love. So glad FD recommended you! I subscribed ten minutes in and I’m finna binge the whole channel!
Great video. Rec by Fiq. Looking forward to your religion and black woman video. "Because he is of the belief that no matter what he does he is supposed to be forgiven.” "I would love to see a black man put up with struggle love the same way that they expect black women to."
