Ugly ?!!! You are FAR from ugly I’m not even saying this as a consolation I genuinely mean it babe ❤️ it’s just because of societal constructs that makes us believe we are ugly when we are not.
Bra we will fight if you think your ugly because someone else told you that and you believers it we will fight. Ppl need you to feel ugly so that you’ll stop feeling confident because there to lazy to have competition. They are collectively so lazy that they would rather us suffer in silence than to actually have to compete. If you felt confident and you were out here pulling guys with your confidence they would have to step it up and compete before they have to lift a finger to compete with you they would rather you hate yourself and be low confident and not try there effort goes to making us feel low so they don’t have to try become that’s easy don’t fall for this you are more beautiful than any light skin sir
I LOOOOVE THE END. Ppl are always like “be humble” “humble yourself” in response to a person who loves themselves (someone who society doesnt believe deserves to love themselves) like no I don’t have to be humble just bc YOU think I need to. Black people, black women especially have had humility FORCED upon them for centuries. All our ancestors ain’t work hard for us to get into spaces they weren’t allowed, for us to be humble! Goodfreakinmorning! This video was great to listen to during my workout 😭❤️
I think we who grow up stereotypically "ugly" are forced to confront what society finds unattractive about ourselves and learn to embrace those parts of our bodies. Personally, it also led me to focus on other features like my personality, my education, my hobbies, my skills, etc. Looking back, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up attractive - I think that puts a magnifying glass on one's appearance, which then causes a vicious cycle where others, and therefore the person themselves, hyperfixate on one's exterior at the expense of getting to know their interior being. Tee Noir has a fantastic video entitled "PLEASE Let Me Be a Basic B in Peace." (ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Ro9n2RktH8k.html) where she pushes for neutrality in attitudes towards beauty. At the end of the day, attractiveness, with all of its socially constructed stereotypical trappings, is just another feature and should be treated as such & nothing more. Being "attractive" neither presupposes nor should we assume it to presuppose morality, worth, intelligence, etc., and therefore, absolutely nothing is wrong with not fitting that beauty standard. Thanks for another thoughtful, funny video! P.S. Some of your humor reminds me of Joanne the Scammer in the BEST way 😂
I used to feel ashamed for being ugly as a kid, but I’ve grown to accept it as an adult. When I would put my energy and focus into being prettier, curvier, or more feminine, I was miserable. It felt like I was putting on an act and I knew no one would believe me. But now, as a black, queer woman who’s okay with being seen as ugly, I’m happier and more confident. I can explore my femininity and masculinity without worrying about how hot I look. I can accept the flaws in my appearance and let them me. The time I spent trying to be beautiful is the time I use to take care of myself which has been super beneficial to my mental health and physical well-being. There are definitely days where I feel invisible or wish I could be conventionally attractive, but I’m learning to accept that I don’t have to be a bad bitch to deserve inner peace and happiness. Anyways rambling. Thank you for this video. I absolutely love hearing your opinion on this!
You are NOT ugly!!!! You are beautiful. If you were straight…well never mind. Like wtf. Colorism and featurism man. People need to do better. Anybody who told you that is only projecting self-hatred
It's funny to me how many comments in this video still place value on beauty and repeatedly bring up how desirable you are in an attempt to praise your content. Incredibly functional organization of beauty indeed.
Whewww, I’m growing out of seeing myself as ugly. All because lighter skin was known as pretty & dark skin was not desirable. When I was growing up I was called ugly ALL The TIME. Straight LIES 😂. Now i look at pictures and see i was a bad bitch!! Thank goodness for growth. Thanks for sharing your story bestie 💕
Who the FUCK told you, you were ugly?! Like, WHAT? I’m gay as all hell, and I can tell you’re gorgeous. If someone told you that, they were projecting their own insecurities onto you, and that’s all there is to it. Bump those losers.
You're the only person other than myself that i've heard use the term 'Bantu features" to describe their looks, I absolutely love you for it! I won't act like I don't struggle with self-esteem issues surrounding my looks; at the same time, I developed a real hatred for our society's fixation on beauty at a very young age. I'm of the mind that the pronouns ugly/pretty should bare the same weight as "right-handed." For most people, right-handedness is just a trait, nothing more, nothing less. There's no stigma about it, people don't attach any extra meaning to it...its just a thing.
I love your contribution to the pretty privilege conversation and you sharing your experiences. Very raw and relatable. You’re my new favorite creator of 2022❤️
I really needed this video. A lot of what you said got me thinking about even BIPOC folk who are able to "capitalize" on their looks are still considered "outside" the beauty standard. I often hear many models of color being described as "unique." Even I've been described that way. While one can argue that looking "unique" isn't a bad thing - unique still doesn't mean beautiful. Anyway, that was my very unformed thought. Great video! I look forward to them every week
Had me hooked from beginning to end... really liked your take on humility, it gave me a whole new perspective. Thank you for the work you put into this.
I was honestly waiting for the moment when you would be like "Sike! I know I'm gorgeous!" (CAUSE YOU ARE) You are truly beautiful and I really hate that we live in a country where colorism is SO enmeshed with beauty. Growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood and school through my adolescence really had me thinking I was ugly for so long. It's especially troubling when you get it from your own people too!! Ugh sometimes I hate it here, but I appreciate minds like yours that extend grace and love into the universe. Thank you for this ❤❤❤❤
I really like the no need to be humble part. There is a difference between being an asshole to people and being an asshole to yourself. We need to love and respect ourselves first. 💖
I grew up a breath away from morbidly obese. I’m a girl with 3 older sisters who always had boyfriends and I never got to feel pretty. I was closeted and didn’t start dating until 24 or 25. Now I’m 30, I’m at a healthy weight, I look better than ever, and I still don’t feel like I’m allowed to be/feel pretty. My aesthetic runs very androgynous because that was the style I used to help me feel invisible growing up. If I ever try to be more feminine, my face looks SO UGLY to me. The major problem I have that very many people confuse my androgynous style with wanting to not be treated like a woman. WRONG! I’m actually a princess. I feel like women want me to be a hey mama and are nonstop disappointed by the real me 🤷♀️ I could go on and on but I’ll leave it there
This was a very good review. Being beautiful is double edge sword I think yes ppl treat nice and give you things. But you can be stalk, sexual assault and more. Ppl only like you for your looks and don't think your smart.
I love this video. People will make fun of how I look, and so I try to look in a way that I won't be made fun of, and then people call me vain. I hate society so much. And yeah, to me, being not ugly is about being seen and not being invisible, because when I'm perceived as ugly, I'm invisible, or if I am visible, I'm ridiculed. I hate that this has been ingrained in me. To me, feeling beautiful isn't my goal, I would love to one day really not care about being seen as beautiful or not. To me, that would be freedom. Thanks for talking about this. I hope people talk about it more because beauty standards really have a lot of us fucked up.
I totally agree. I felt this way for many years! I’m more confident now, but being made fun of during childhood affected my self esteem. I focus on the features I like, and I love who I am for the most part! We have to learn how to simply adore ourselves! Ty for sharing and your are beautiful because you are you❤😊
It’s crazy cuz , I have ugly duckling syndrome and my glow up happened my first two years in college because I was an athlete and the workouts and dietary restrictions made me lose a lot of weight. At that time, I was getting a lot of sexual attention from girls who witnessed my transformation. That experience affirmed me on one end and caused me to be even more insecure about my body on the other end because I’d been experiencing gender dysphoria throughout my developmental years. Not only that but because I socialized as masculine , I often would be compared to men by the same girls I was getting attention from. I also did not receive romantic/intimate partnership when I was having sex and that broke me a bit because I’ve always been a romantic person. As of today, I have casual hookups occasionally but I focus mainly on myself and my peace because I came to the realization that I am going to have to build my future independently. I haven’t met anyone who desires to be my partner so yeah. Im single. Im somewhere in between feeling ugly and fetishized. I think ugly people deserve love but they have to believe in self love and acceptance before they expect that from someone else.
I really appreciate that you highlight the impact of appearance on one's literal, physical safety. The term "safety" carries a lot of different contexts in recent years, it's easy to overlook how often it's not even remotely abstract, but a real, life-or-death matter. How our appearance is parsed by others absolutely factors into the intersectional equation. It also occurs to me that appearance has a strong effect on the perception of age. I'm not young (couple months away from turning 50) but I get parsed as younger, partly due to my appearance. That won't last forever, and it's unsettling to not know how my interactions with people might change as the visible impact of age progresses.
azy to me because I swear, ever since I watched your first video, I thought you had literally one of the most perfect faces I’d ever seen!! Your natural bone structure is straight up super model perfection to me. I don’t make statements like this frivolously either! You legit have a crazy beautiful face!!!! Your face card is up there with Naomi Campbell….another human with a face structure that just can’t be real!!! How intelligent you are is the icing on the cake!!! ❤
What is beautiful is, as you and Kimberly N Foster said, exclusive. We can't all be beautiful no matter how much the border between beauty/ugly is stretched. It will never expand enough to take us all in. So what do we do when we're still experiencing the other side of beauty privilege? The discrimination. The loneliness. Not having access to resources, to justice, to care or consideration. As a person who has been glowing down since I entered planet Earth's chat, I really don't know what do with all this.
Sooooo…#Subscribed !!! I just found you ((yes, asking my algorithm WHY!!!))…but first BayBeeeee….your deep dives, intellectualism, insight, humor, wit, and most of all unadulterated BEAUTY 😍🥰has drawn me in…. about me - I was born with a very large birthmark around my left eye. This ONE thing caused me so much adolescent & prepubescent pain…I was chubby & taller than most of my peers…so to say the least, I totally relate! I can honestly admit that I did not think of myself as “cute” or attractive until I was in my 20’s. What’s crazy is now I realize that people were, maybe, staring at me - not because of my different look, but because they thought I was pretty! That’s my revisionist history and I stand by it!! 😉😌….because honey I am beautiful and so glad I finally SAW myself for my beauty inside and out! Love LOVE LUUUVVVV YOUUUUU 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This video is excellent! Thank you for being so honest and open. I identify so heavily with the ugly duckling syndrome. I also agree with you that expanding the beauty standard is probably unlikely. Aspirational sure, but dismantling beauty means dismantling racism, ableism and ageism. A lot of pretty privilege is a concoction of those things. We're doing well to talk about these things but we have a long way to go. Really appreciate you approaching the pretty privilege conversation from this perspective!
The comments suggesting racism as a significant portion of why Black people rate lower in attractiveness than lighter complected people are wrong, in part. Or, that is, when it comes to most people on the left, and even a non-trivial number on the right. For most liberal and progressive whites, “racism” is really about social status, and skin color is just an easy was to minimize and marginalize others as a way to keep ourselves (white progressive here) in an artificially elevated level of the social hierarchy. It’s why accusing someone of racism, even institutionalized and systemic racism, is so frequently met with skepticism and incredulity at best. We just can’t see it for what it is. We’re too self-satisfied, and too eager to condemn the blatant, vicious bigotry of much of the radical right, and are unaware or unconcerned with the nevertheless pervasive and rather insidious prejudice we still harbor. And just as a Black person has to work twice as hard and be three times as lucky to garner genuine respect, they have to be twice as attractive as us to penetrate the mess of biases we deploy when judging how hot someone is. (Which when you really think about it, we look like crap, generally speaking, much earlier, so especially as we get even just a bit older, “white supremacy” is so disconnected from reality that it would be funny if the consequences weren’t so deplorable and pervasive. p.s. It seems a bit redundant to pile on the with another banal compliment, so I’ll try to stand out a bit and say I’d do you top, bottom, and sideways in a heartbeat.
"When women and femmes fail to meet the standard of beauty, they also fail to meet the standard of worthiness and the standard of acknowledgement" Damn I also really liked that point about how expanding what it means to be beautiful still feeds into the restriction of humanity to just those deemed beautiful
Although I can't relate to growing up ugly. Due to the capricorn energy in my natal chart since my preteen years I had to deal with the hard burden of navigating life with crooked teeth. After I got my teeth repaired when people would give me genuinely nice compliments about my teeth I would respond to their compliments with a small insult. In the past two years I learned to take compliments without insulting myself.
I live for u friend plz don't disappear again. it gave avatar the last Airbender for a quick sec. WHEN THE WORLD NEEDED YOU THE MOST U WERE GONEEE BUT YOU BACK PERIODT
as an AFAB person being considered "ugly" by other people is extremely rough. if people look at you and see an ugly girl they think you're fair game to bully or disregard. we still live in a world where women are expected to be beautiful, while beauty isn't associated as heavily expected from men. many men (mostly cishet white men) can get away with being less attractive
I'm not from USA and it's genuinely upsetting to me that a lot of people think of themselves as ugly Then I see their pictures from their "flop era" (basically, childhood) And they have great genetics . Like... what's happening? :( A lot of gorgeous people were looking good from the start,but they didn't know it
You’re very gorgeous-handsome-pretty I *HATED* Sex ed. because being on the ace-aro spectrum and my whole class was either considering or having it I felt disgusted and ostracized. I felt ugly now. But im trying to work on it but after binge watching youtube videos I realizing that what im comparing myself to isnt reality. But yes, thanks for the video love the work ❤
herby i love you so much yo. I’ve been subscribed to your channel for about a month or two, and I came across this video after watching your pick me paradox video. as someone who has worked hard to feel beautiful in my own eyes, but struggles to believe I am beautiful in others’, I didn’t recognize how much I needed to see this video. The difference between being desirable and being “beautiful”became harshly clear to me throughout college, after my own ugly duckling glow up. I recognized that I could pull them, but I could never keep them. And I really thought something was wrong with me. sometimes I still do, albeit much less. That being said, I would be a fool to not recognize all of my wonderful attributes outside of my physical appearance. I am a dancer, a singer, a polyglot, an intellectual, a real ass btch with a heart of gold, and sooooo much more. I grew up socialized to be humble and shrink myself, and i only recently made the connection of how that barred me from so many opportunities in life. and hearing you clearly define and then completely DECRY humility??? babyyyy, the dying people pleaser in me was shaking in they booties… but the bad bitch in me did a praise dance in whole thigh high stilettos, yes ma’aaaam! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 thank you so much for speaking for so many off us who feel silenced/erased by oppressive societal standards. thank you for sharing the fruits of your curiosity and challenging us to really think about sht. peace and love from a DMV homegworl ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Omg! I’m so happy I found you. You are such a vibe to me. I aspire to have a video type format like this when I start doing RU-vid. But beyond that you make people think i very much appreciate the nuances of your content and ideologies. Subscribeddddd!
You just gotta be you in every space. And Herby you are very Hot, Spicy, Dark, Lavender, Richness. Are there DMs on RU-vid because ya boy is tryna slide in.
I feel like being too short, having acne and having "weird" facial features and a not athletic body is just another problem men have when it comes to being percieved as ugly...I have all of the aboves and it sucks...
It's videos like this that get me pumped! You were vulnerable and honest which is commendable. On top of you had a powerful lesson of self love and realistic growth.
Just the way you articulate all your ideas are fantastic, truly. Even the parts where I couldn’t relate at allll, you made it relatable. Love this video!
I am a middle-aged ADOS Lesbian from Essex County and until I was an adult being told by my Deeper Complexioned Cis-Gendered Women friends that they experienced Colorism I gasped. I have lived in Mid-West, and South, and always bragged about the NON-colorism in Jersey. Being what some would call "Caramel" That changes depending on geography. Down south I am considered "Light", but whatever. I remember every HOT. ATTRACTIVE Women I knew were mostly Dark-Skinned, BUTTTTT you had to be desirable, and pristine...If you didn't have the latest gear or a dusty hairdo, (SO MANY RULES) you were then reduced to "Black" So, it took me a LONG time to realize the faults of Jersey Hoods when it came to pretty privilege and colorism. The girls and guys that had veins in their faces still had top-billing in the dating pool, then the pretty/handsome dark complexioned THEN the rest of u, in the hope that the development of certain body parts or an upgrade in clothing would bump your ass up in an at least the middle-rungs (Which happened to me when I entered high School and REALLY learned how to properly assimilate...right gear, dropping weight, right friends, right look etc.) THEN, then having to couple that in the Black, Brown QUEER ARENA CHilllleeee....That is another thing all together the Girls are CRUEL HONEY...Try coming out to the Village looking crazy if you want HAHAHAHA....Not for the faint-hearted !!!!! I went Butch (A LOT MORE LEAD WAY) until I could properly categorize as a PROPER FEMME ....Let's talk about it Herby PLEASE...Oh I went off topic, sorry!
I would never imagine that this was your experience. Definitely not invalodating this. When I clicked on your channel as I’m a brand new subscriber, I was like…”he is so good looking!” I’ve never felt that pretty myself though so I totally get it.
These comments are heartbreaking. I wasn’t an ugly kid, but my mom was so beautiful that no one ever noticed me. I thought I was ugly because of the complete lack of external validation. And then I started feeling unlovable, which is the next logical step after feeling unattractive, I think. The more I learn to validate myself, the more beautiful I feel. External validation means absolutely nothing to me now (for better and for worse). I guess all that therapy worked lol.
Love your transparency through and through with this video! Articulated perfectly for us boujie hood girls educated girls. From my vantage point You’re very attractive btw like let’s make that clear. Not just saying that either.
when I was in middle school I was told that I was an 6 out of 10. Grow up and I look better than most of the boys that the girls considered attractive. All they were focused on was my weight, and therefore i was ugly.
Ugly?!! Whoever told you or said that of you is lying. You may not be the best looking or most handsome but definitely handsome. Don't sell yourself short🤗❤
Herby, I found you a few weeks ago, and that was a gift from you. Thank you bro. You raise a lot of excellent questions here about our personal value systems. I personally think your greatest quality is that you think for yourself. So many other people have not figured out yet how to do that. Kudos to you....hugs and love........Ray
