Breaking the Secret Cycle of Anger, Shame and Depression- Terry Real 

So weird to read all negative comments for a brilliant mind like Terry Real. "I don't want to talk about it" is one of the best and most useful books I have ever read.

Wow. The comments below actually do more to prove the overall message not disprove it. None of us with a leg up in the world that comes of nothing we've achieved ourselves understands how it would "feel" to not have it. No matter how hard we may try. Acknowledging that takes a good deal of humility. Yes, people have different experiences, but that's where we speak from. The Buddha taught different ways of living according to one's geography and Jesus hung out with the worst "offenders". From my side, I'm learning to let go of whatever I defend as absolute and try on the potential view of others. What I've seen, is there's always a person, group or system that is running interference in others' ability to express themselves fully (while causing no harm). It's relatively easy to see who and what sits at the top when I allow my story to drop off and take in a wider deeper view. Not everyone can do that, or is willing to even try.

This man has some brilliant insights, and you just have to overlook the intense bombardment of politics and take in the truth you need. Human beings (like he might say!) are vulnerable and can't do everything well. Richard Schwartz's internal family systems/parts work book, No Bad Parts, is the same way -- just ignore the politics if you don't share them. Imho.... would I prefer they left them at the door? Yes. Also do women need help with vulnerability and communication and wise self control? Of course!

Terry is an expert in the psychology of relationships. His comments and practices are WAY AHEAD of his time. They are above the fixed ideas of the Dunning/Kruger candidates below.

This man is an ideologue. Following his advice may lead to more damage than good.

This speaker seems to be more interested in feminist ideology than in the real lived experience of men. Men come from a variety of experiences and backgrounds. Some, perhaps older men or those who grew up in conservative cultures, may have experienced some of the issues that he is speaking about. But for younger men who have grown up in a culture drenched in feminism, the problems are the opposite. The core thing is, as a therapist you shouldn't be coming into the room with ideological expectations and stereotypes. If you client has been harmed by expectations of masculinity, then work with that. But not all men have, and many find masculinity beneficial. You need to be able to work with them without shaming them for their masculinity. I wouldn't trust this therapist to do that. I'm quite sensitive/emotional and never was told to be otherwise, or taught about traditional masculinity. Unfortunately this has left me unbalanced and made it difficult to get a girlfriend. Now as an adult I'm leaning more into masculinity and finding it hugely beneficial and a source of inner strength, and a good complement to my sensitivity and emotional intelligence. We all need to express both vulnerability and strength, at different times. The comment that men don't need to be empowered was particularly offensive - have you ever met a shy, anxious teenage boy? That's exactly what they need as well as relationship and good trauma-healing work. If you take away sources of masculine strength from boys, and shame them for masculinity in the name of feminism, you're doing huge harm. The speaker constantly stereotypes men - as closed off, unable to connect emotionally, etc. This doesn't describe any men I know. This kind of anti-male stereotyping is typical of feminism, where men are portrayed as violent, dangerous, power-hungry etc. Much of the shame I have experienced is directly linked to absorbing feminist messages over the past 10 years. The speaker is adding to this shaming of men and masculinity. It's also worth noticing that when men are stoic and closed off it is often done in service of others, to stay strong so they don't have to. Men are strong *for others*. "Under patriarchy men are only allowed two feelings - anger and lust" - Both of those feelings are highly stigmatised in men in progressive society, while celebrated in women. It may have been different in the past, but feminism has dominated so much that things are opposite to what you say. For example, I have never once seen an article or media piece celebrating or saying positive things about male sexuality, but there are plenty doing that for women. Many men need to access anger and lust because they have been so suppressed, particularly with the all the shaming of them coming from feminist society. The speaker is also really self promotional - extensive pitches at the begining, and then "go look up my course" etc weaved throughout the talk. Men: if you are suffering, seek out a good therapist, good friends, perhaps a (non-woke) mens group. There are therapists (including female therapists) who are not anti-male and who will be happy to help you heal and connect with your masculinity.

TL:DR its your fault guys. Harmony is not for you. Symbiosis is not for you. Conform, have no personal dreams, thoughts, feelings, nothing. You primitive.

It took 6 minutes for this author to destroy any credibility. We are all equally oppressed by a technocratic oligarchy. Your "patriarchy" comment shows us who you are working for & it's NOT your readers!

Couldn’t finish this. Stopped at 20:56 . A monologue of tired woke feminist tropes.

This RU-vid channel usually has some solid speakers. But I guess every channel has hits and misses… This was a miss.

"Gender fluid kids." A meaningless phrase right off the bat.

Terry's diagnosis of the human problem as patriarchy and as being rooted in the myth of the individual is facile in the extreme. to be an individual does not mean that one exists in separation from others as he falsely claims. It means rather that we each have our own internal subjective experience of life as well as our unique physical experience which is what allows relationship to happen in the first place between different people. No one in our culture believes that individualism means that we don't exist along with others or in relationship to them. I have never had a patient who suffers from this absurd caricature of individualism. Then he says that rooted in our patriarchal individualism is our belief that we are both separate from nature and to dominate nature. This is another piece of cliched nonsense about the Western experience. Terry's claim that patriarchy means that men are raised to believe in having power over others especially women is nonsense. So is the claim that people with relationship problems are suffering from the individualistic belief that they're supposed to control nature. men and women everywhere struggle with difficulties of communication negotiation and empathy in their relationships including gay and lesbian people. These problems exist in human nature from east to west and have little to do with these cliched explanations from the college gender studies class.

gender fluid men? is this even a man?