but I'm supposed to give birth! r/AITA 

pro tip for party planners: check to see if anyone invited is disabled, and change venues as appropreate.

To the wheelchair and ski resort one the parents say that OP is being an A-hole for choosing to keep their kids away from having fun… but like… that’s exactly what these parents are already doing by not booking a place that is wheelchair accessible. Like hello?

Someone’s pregnant due date is imminent and better to leave her alone? Horrible at any time. Christmas is just the frosting on this dysfunctional cake. Absolutely INEXCUSABLE. Period.

He has no FOMO about the birth of his child?!?

When I was pregnant with my oldest, my husband had to organise a work trip to visit several sites for an environmental audit. He works in the mining industry. The only time frame he had that worked with everyone was the last month of my pregnancy, but he had it organised to be done by the middle of week 37, and felt that should have been safe for me starting labour. Unfortunately my son decided he couldn't wait, and he came two days before dad left for his trip, at 35 weeks. My husband was pretty high up in the company, and basically told his boss that he was on paternity leave effective immediately, other than telling the necessary people that the trip was postponed until after he got back to work. The boss was cool with it, they are still friends, even though my husband isn't with that company anymore.

FOMO Guy: Can you even imagine leaving your nearly due wife for ANY amount of time? Red flag, in my opinion. If family doesn't care about her and the baby, screw them. You are literally helping to bring a child into the world. She's doing the hard work, but you need to do everything else so she can focus! Ugh. Stupid dads piss me off.

the first thing that bothered me about the "pregnant and partner wants to be elsewhere" was that they go to his side every year, and every other year *she* goes home early to spend time with her family. they are creating combined family (they're planning to get married and about to become parents. both these things are big "I consider this partner my family now" steps). their new nuclear family will have various extended family branches, most fundamental among them BOTH sets of parents & siblings. and he insists on seeing his parents, and only his parents, every year? no. I don't care if it's because he's too spineless to say no to his parents or if he genuinely wants it this way, he's treating OP like an accessory to his family of origin rather than an equal partner. it's not the biggest issue, but it feels big enough to me.

With the dog story, the only AH is the mother for not training her dogs properly. It's not fair to the dogs or the people around the dogs. In some places if a dog is too aggressive it gets put down. Mom needs to get a handle on her dogs before someone is seriously hurt and the dog/s get euthanized.

The FOMO guy needs to step back and realize that he should actually have the fear of missing out on the BIRTH OF HIS CHILD

The Florida one has so many red flags… early on in my marriage, this kind of stuff happened frequently. My husband prioritized his parents far above me and our kids. it took a lot of fighting and heartache to get to a point where he understood that he needed to prioritize his own family over his parents. That work can be done, these relationships can be saved and go onto to be better (mine definitely has), but boundaries need to be drawn early on. I understand that OP doesn’t want to be overbearing or dictate what her fiancé can and can’t do. She obviously cares about his relationship with his family, and that’s great. But in my opinion, this should be nonnegotiable. No, you cannot leave your heavily pregnant partner alone over Christmas to go see your family out of state. Period. Absolutely not. That baby could be dropping any day now, complications could arise between now and your due date… pregnancy isn’t just some neutral thing that you wait to be over. It’s a physically taxing medical condition that can change very quickly, especially towards the end. You need support. Fiancé and his parents need a reality check.

For the last story, the OPs fiance has a big double standard where he has FOMO on missing out on activities and socializing with his siblings, but not FOMO of the birth of his literal baby and being there for his fiance, especially when this is her first pregnancy, and there are many things that could go wrong.

I try not to jump to "break up with them" in these stories, but I do think the very pregnant OP whose fiance is fine with leaving her alone for Christmas while he goes on vacation probably needs to do some serious thinking about whether this is a relationship where she's being treated with respect and kindness. And the fiance needs to get his priorities in order. He says she's asking him to put her ahead of his family, but isn't his partner and unborn child his family?

The pregnant wife (girlfriend)should be so offended that husband would even consider being away from her (out of driving distance) within the last month of her pregnancy, let alone on Christmas.

As someone who works with dogs, you need to assume that every single dog is a bite risk, especially around children. Accidents happen, things can scare a dog, children are unpredictable, can be loud, excitable, and move suddenly. Same with the dogs, if you're dog is easily excitable and not well trained, it can get out of hand and overwhelmed which can cause them to be mouthy, snap and nip not being able to regulate themselves, if you have no trained way to deal with it. Baby gates separating them in a room away from everyone or leaving the dogs at home and doing a shorter visit so she goes back to the dogs alone. I'd never have dogs loose around kids who are excited, opening presents at Christmas, especially ones that are untrained and aggressive. That sadly is an accident waiting to happen.

I have a dog that is very high strung, until recently I didn’t trust him with kids or strangers. I would always consider it my responsibility to make sure everyone’s safe. My dog doesn’t get to be a nuisance.

Story #3 is an example of why it's important to crate-train dogs. If they're crated, they can be indoors in a way that's safe for everyone. But I highly doubt this is the case for the dogs in question. Our family had an aggressive dog when I was younger, and it's almost like being in an abusive relationship. If you don't think you have any other options, it can be hard to face just how stressful and not-normal your situation is. We had to send ours to some people in the country who worked with aggressive dogs, that was the only other solution besides putting him down.

Both of my children were 4 days early. Babies come when babies want to come, they don't plan around your schedule. 2 days before the due date is way too close. The last trimester is the time to come together as a family ready to welcome your little wonder into the world. Personally, I wouldn't expect my partner to leave at all during that time. She's happy for him to go for a small amount of time, she's compromised, he can not. The order of priority should always be baby, partner, then parents/siblings. You chose your partner, they are your family, they are carrying your baby, they are the priority in this situation.

Alone at Christmas pregnancy story: As someone who was (very young) and very entrenched in the idea of being a low maintenance ((nlog 🙄) specifically religious trauma that had indoctrinated me to have no personal needs and no ability to voice them even if I had recognized they existed) I let my partner) (Also very young)leave me alone a lot.. the night I went into labor (3days before my "due date")I had to call him to come back home.. he was out.. hanging out/playing d&d/gaming with friends.. like 30 minutes away.. so not only was he not there.. but i had to wait increasing agony for him to get home. This is just a really good example of all the small ways in which resentment and distance built in our relationship. And this particularly.. feeling so isolated and alone with a body that can't be trusted.. traumatized me. For YEARS afterwards I had a visceral reaction when people asked "when are you going to have another one?" Like.. fucking never, thanks! It was awful. And only having one kid was never our plan.. and we've grown and matured since then our relationship is stronger than it's ever been.. but.. it doesn't erase that experience.

The mom in the last story is the AH for not properly training her dogs. My family has a boxer, Zoey. She's a bit territorial (i jokingly call her the "get off my lawn" of dogs), and doesn't like people due to her being abused before we rescued her. Whenever we have guests over, she's kept in a different room unless they're people she knows and is comfortable with. We're very careful introducing her to new people and never let her around kids. She's very well behaved and has never hurt anyone. She's been trained not to jump on people, and never trashes the house because she's provided with enough toys to entertain her. I love her to death, but I understand she can look and sound scary. She's fine when she's off her turf, but I've never tried to bring her to someone else's house, and certainly wouldn't if they didn't want me to. Mom brought this on herself by not training her dogs, then expecting everyone to accommodate them

The fiance absolutely should be prioritizing his pregnant partner over his parents. The way he is trying to shame her for that might be related to her reluctance to express her needs.

I don’t even understand how that guy’s mum doesn’t understand it’s dangerous for the wife to be left alone right before her due date. She’s had kids! She should know they can come early!

That first story was a bit triggering for me. I've had a couple of experiences with *good* friends checking with me when they wanted to use partly inaccessible venues for weddings. I said I'd go anyway, because of wanting to be there and not be a "bother", but the experiences were difficult, and I still got excluded in lots of little ways. One of the events, where we all shared photos afterwards, I'm barely in any of the photos, and usually in the background sitting down where everyone else is standing up and milling around. Parties are really tough when you're disabled. And to be "forgotten" by the in-laws when planning a clearly annual event really hits the sense of exclusion that I've experienced so often. On the plus side, members of my extended family have gone out of their way to ensure big events are in accessible venues, even when I haven't been well enough to go. It's super tough, and one of those instances where you're slapped in the face by ableist structures very, very close to home. Congrats on the single release, Shaaba! You are a true ray of sunshine.

I think the difference between the two location stories too is the timing. It seems like the first one was in the early stages of planning whereas the second one was 4 days prior. Plus the guest of the second one hasn’t offered any help e.g I’ll bring plates for the kids and a kiddie table, and has instead put it on the host who has already done all the buying and organising

The family are being so unbelievably flippant about OPs pregnancy in story 3. There is no consideration of the fact that even with all our medical advances, birth can still be difficult and the potential for complications is very real. My sister and I had to be delivered by emergency C section a month early after a routine scan picked up a potentially life threatening issue. My friends baby was induced a month early after she developed pre eclampsia. Another friend was rushed to ER during birth and needed a blood transfusion. I know more friends of friends who also had serious issues during the birth. It happens. Imagine if OP had to face something like that alone because her fiancé had decided he needed to prioritise his family instead of her. Imagine if him not being there meant her or the baby were put at greater risk. The lack of care is wild and makes me really mad. As if she's not going through enough already being the one carrying the pregnancy and giving birth, it's made out like it's a minor thing that nobody needs to actually consider or worry about.

I have strong feelings on the birth thing. When my twins were born I was deployed. I didn't have a choice on missing their birth. If you can be there you should be there. Your kids and partner are the most important family you have.

I hope "soon to be Christmas mom" OP really deeply considers how her fiance values her. Either he's a chronic people pleaser, or he has daddy nerves. Either way, he better get the fuck over it before the child is born because he's gonna make that household miserable for his parents' sake

First story: I’ve noticed that a lot of people tend to assume that accessibility laws mean that every public place is accessible to people with all physical disabilities. This is of course simply not true, but if they haven’t needed to plan with that in mind before, I’m not surprised they didn’t think to/maybe didn’t know how to check. The lack of awareness was a problem, but not as big as when they dug in and compounded the issue.

Babies gonna come when babies wanna come. I was due in July but I was born in August. My work offsider’s daughter was due in February but born in January

I’m actually shocked by the pregnancy story😮 I’ve just finished a rotation in obs and gynae and the final weeks before your due date are so crucial and so fragile. You need your birthing partner with you the whole way, whether that be your partner, a parent, a friend ect. Due dates are an estimation and a baby will come whenever they want and if god forbid, there were complications or something went wrong, I can’t imagine going through that ALONE. If my partner was that close to their due date I would feel anxious to even leave them for a few hours. Not only was this selfish on your partner’s behalf, it’s also potentially dangerous. Me personally, I wouldn’t be keeping that baby daddy around, especially given his family’s attitude. I hope the baby was delivered safely and mum and baby are both well❤

I can’t believe the family and fiance that think it’s no big deal to come back TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DUE DATE. I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant, and I would be furious if anyone suggested my husband be away in the last month prior to the due date. That’s absolutely insane. And OP shouldn’t be alone on Christmas. What the hell.

Re: the last one, I am both a dog trainer and a service dog partner myself. Obviously I love dogs. But I am *not* a fan of people who insist on bringing their pet dogs everywhere with them. As a service dog trainer/handler with experience training a wide variety of dogs for a wide variety of reasons, I am acutely aware of the fact that the vast majority of dogs do not have the temperament to truly enjoy being taken everywhere alongside their owners. It's a big scary world out there, one that - in general - has not been created with the accomodation of dogs in mind. Crazy things can and do happen, and most dogs do not have either the training (hundreds of hours) or the temperament to handle such events correctly. People, leave your pets at home or take them to specifically only to pet-friendly places. Nowhere else. Second, when I first started requiring the aid of a service dog myself, I ran into some issues with family members who didn't understand why I *had* to have a dog with me, and didn't want my service dog in their home. It didn't matter that my dog was incredibly highly trained and would remain on leash at my feet under full control the entire time. It didn't matter that my safety - and in some cases, my life - relied upon having said dog accompany me. These people just didn't want a dog in their home, period. You know what I said? "Okay. It's your home, and that's completely within your rights. I'll celebrate elsewhere this year." I didn't ask other family members to refuse to attend the event out of some form of solidarity - in fact, I encouraged my spouse to go without me, since it was in the same town and he could easily go for just a short while to enjoy some amazing home cooking before coming back to re-join me. In the end, I missed that holiday meal, but over the course of the next year those family members got the opportunity to watch my dog at work in more public scenarios, and by the time the next year's holidays rolled around they were fully on board with having both me and my service dog in their home, and even defended my need for the dog against some other family members who didn't know me that well and were offended that my service dog was allowed while their untrained, aggressive ankle biter was not. My point is that if I, as someone whose literal safety relied upon having a trained service dog by my side, didn't make a fuss over someone deciding whether or not they wanted my dog in their home, OP's family has no right to make a fuss over the non-presence of pets who are not only *not* required for anyone's safety, but could actually pose a threat to the safety of other people nearby due to issues with aggression. All of this is apart from the fact that those dogs *really* need either training or re-homing, as Shaaba said. It sounds like they're living in a near-constant state of hypervigilance. They clearly have separation anxiety when left home alone, but that can be worked on. If OP's family member is unwilling/unable to work through that issue for the sake of her dogs, they should be placed in a home with someone who will consider the dogs' needs and find a way to meet them. Dogs like that *definitely* shouldn't be dragged along everywhere alongside the owner. They need proper training, and a way to feel safe in their own space at home. OP is definitely NTA. The dogs' owner is.

There are 2 types of r/AmITheA-hole posts: 1. "I 100% did the right thing, but I feel guilty about what I did, so I want to make sure that what I did was ok." 2. "I did not even remotely do the right thing, and acted like a terrible person, and I just want validation that the awful thing I did was ok."

🩷🍑 The baby due date one is ridiculous! Both my girls were born early 7 & 10 days early respectively. My now ex almost missed my younger daughter's birth & he was 30 minutes away!

As someone who has had an ESA dog for over 3 years, last OP is definitely nta. My ESA is usually pretty well behaved but had issues with aggression when he was a puppy, resource guarding and anxiety with large crowds or being trapped specifically (he is 30 lbs). It was really hard but as the owner it’s your responsibility to train your dog and to find alternatives if you can’t go somewhere because of them. There are plenty of college events I missed out on because it would stress my dog out too much to go and I had nowhere I could leave him alone at the time. He’s much better aggression wise now but it’s still something I have to be extra cautious of because of his history, and I’m okay with doing that because I love him and want him and the people I’m with to be safe and comfortable. I will say I would not be willing to put my dog away when people visit my place and I don’t think that’s an unfair thing to do; I let people know I have a dog and if they don’t want him to be around, then we don’t meet at my house. I’m not much of a host either though so that’s a relatively easy boundary to set 🤷‍♂️ Also, I wouldn’t say that leaving a dog in a car alone is 100% bad 100% of the time. Definitely not okay if it’s hot outside and not recommended for long periods of time, but I’d say that it depends on the situation. The mom’s dogs might be more comfortable in the car, because it’s a familiar place, than in a secluded area of a “stranger’s” and thus less likely to misbehave, and if they have everything they need in there (water, places to lie down and space to move, fresh air, warmth) then it isn’t really much different than leaving them alone in a bedroom or small apartment. That’s just my perspective though as someone who’s had to make do sometimes cause I’m a student who doesn’t have an apartment to myself. I’d definitely check on them every half hour at least if they were my dogs and that’s what I decided to do though

You seemed confused on last OP saying her mom had moved closer but was 2 hrs away. They probably live in a large country like the US. 2 hr drive to visit family on the weekend or Xmas is incredible regular here. It could very easily be closer than where the mom previously lived. My aunt and uncle on one side live a 17 hr drive away for ex. We do not see each other often. But if we lived only 2 hours away from each other? We'd only not visit if we didn't like each other lmao

OP 3 is not the AH in this story. She says Her partner has FOMO. But it sounds like he is only concerned with FOMO for his parents and siblings. What about the woman he is supposed to be CHOOSING YOU as his family, including his own child!!!!

First one I'd totally do what OP did. They have been together a long time so the family should know by now. I'm disabled and I'd sure be hurt if I wasn't considered by family at all whether blood or inlaws (when I have them) I wouldn't want anyone to say 'change it or we won't be able to come'. I'd want my spouse to say what OP did. Edit: Also, I'd say the grandparents are AHs for not even thinking about her husband. It's obvious it was inappropriate for him and for that alone they are AHs. For behaving how they did afterwards, AH is too light a word.

First OP gets brownie for standing up for her boundaries while honoring her family.😊

I’ve had “problem dogs” in the past and I just… didn’t bring them places. Find someone else to look after them. There’s doggy daycares and stuff like that. I feel like the mom is trying to push the boundaries on purpose by saying they can stay in the car, then saying actually never mind they can go on the porch, then actually never mind that’s too cruel like ?? I don’t see how it’s cruel for a short time especially if they have otherwise active lives and you’re going to take them for a walk afterwards. I think owning large dogs and living in a caravan is a bad decision to begin with (or at least only works if the dogs are easy and can be looked after by other people when needed.)

Appreciate the mention that we should never leave dogs/pets in a car! When it's hot out, not even for a minute. When it's cold out, the 30minutes she mentioned seems like a good measure to me. But indeed also depends on the dogs, the area, a lot of things... Generally just a bad idea to leave em in the car. And it probably shouldn't have to be said but I'll still say it: same goes for kids/babies.

I'm not a naggy texter, but I absolutely hate calling people and get annoyed when people call me just to ask a question.

The first one is NTA. If the grandparents thought that it would be nice to have christmas with their grandchildren and not the grandchildren's parents, they really should have discussed that with the parents before booking the venue. Some families might choose to do that but it's unusual and not something you should just assume. Excluding the parents becuase the father is a wheelchair user is awful. Much better for the 3 children to spend christmas with their parents at home.

Oh man the fiance Florida one!!!! I don't understand people who don't prioritize pregnant or recently pregnant peope. Same goes with the earlier story regarding disabilities!!! And he is LEAVING on th 15th?? There are so many reasons why this scenario is awful- from the length of time, to the fact its xmas, plus her parents being away for an emergency- but I just can't imagine wanting to leave (and actually doing it not just the feeling) so close to a due date. I was born two weeks early in the middle of the night in a snow storm. There is a good possibility OPs child could be in the exact same boat. Where are the women/other parents in his family yelling at him? Maximum amount of acceptable time from husband would be 15-22 (a week) and even then i would consider it a great sacrifice and compromise from OP. Not to dig on this guy too much, I have missed out on a number of recent holidays with my siblings and I know how much it sucks but the fact that his parents seem to be pushing it and convincing op that it's fine makes this sound like a terrible situation/relationship to be in.

Florida family is endangering their GRANDCHILD! What horrible people.

The pregnant partner story is insane. Like the husband would rather risk his wife and child die than miss out on a family event. Pregnancy is dangerous. Anything could happen.

FOMO-Story: My baby was due on January first, and my grandparents are too old to travel. So in order to have a Christmas all together, we moved it and celebrated the family Christmas two weeks before the real date. It was a bit odd, but everybody was very understanding, and it was a nice event. My baby was born on Christmas Day, so it turned out to be a very good precaution 😊

My due date was Jan 2nd, my son’s birthday is Dec 21st! Babies can come whenever they want! Love your stories and your takes Shabba ❤

As someone who was born prematurely, my dad wasn't going ANYWHERE. As a disabled person with a fellow disabled brother, if someone in our family planned a trip, invited us, and it was something that we couldn't participate in (because of our poor vision and sun sensitivity), then we wouldn't go. And they would need to accept that, or change the venue to something that everyone can enjoy. Luckily, our family isn't ablest and cares about all of our family members.

Story... three I think? The one with the dad leaving his very pregnant partner alone to be with his family for the holiday. I have an awful suspicion if OP has the baby early before he gets home, his family might blame HER for taking their precious boy's attention away from them. "You're so needy you gave birth early just to get him back" type of deal. And if she *doesn't* have the baby before he's back they'll feel justified in keeping him, tell her she was worried for nothing. They've put her in a no-win situation. 😩

we also had a dog problem when our son was an infant through toddler and everyone in my partner's side of the family were 1. not used to having young children around and 2. mostly had very poorly trained or completely untrained pups with a lot of bad habits. This lead to 3 incidents of my son being snapped at or bitten, and a years long fear of dogs that we are still working to overcome at the age of 12. It got to the point where I just couldn't have my partner and kiddo go to family events alone because we always had to have two pairs of eyes/two adults watching out for him. The dog events still happen but by-and-large without us, and we attend the quieter events where most of the dogs don't come along. Dogs are wonderful animals but a mix of high stress from lots of people and a lot of adults who have no regard for how well their animal is handling the situation just... leads to bad environments, especially for the smallest in the group.

I used to have a very insecure rottweiler (she was adopted and came from very horrible conditions), she was by no meens aggressive, how ever she did growl and cower to people she didn't know.....at first. My SIL's mother was afraid of big dogs...and off cause, her insecurity made my all ready nervous dog even more insecure. Come the first Christmas with the dog, we where about celebrate at my parents place . I couldn't leave my dog by her selfe at home, so I had to take her with me. How ever my dad set up the pattio to accommodate my dog. And it worked out fine. Had a very nice Christmas dinner. And yeah, during the night, my sil's mother took a walk with me and my dog....made her less scare of it ...and further down the line, they accually bonded. The next year my dog was with us in the house the entire x-mas celebrations...and my sil's mum came to love her as much as I did. My point is, problems can be solved.

I'd like to say that, as someone who has experienced significant abuse, the phrase "there's 3 sides: yours, theirs, and the truth" sits really poorly with me.

on the due date one... selfish = putting your wants over others' needs. reasonable self-centering = putting your needs before the wants of others and asking them to do the same if it's appropriate, which in this case it clearly is. OP NEEDS birth support, fiance WANTS to go on a family trip. OP is not seflish at all.

As someone with VERY BAD BALANCE I’m not scared of dogs UNLESS they’re jumping around me because I’m scared of getting knocked over…

You mentioned that if the dogs are likely to destroy the caravan that might make them likely to act out in company. There's a bit more to consider here: I think it's more risky leaving dogs alone unsupervised in a house than having them nearby because you can check on them, so if they're the type to get anxious or if something stresses them out while they're alone that'd be the reason for trashing the caravan. Many dogs will calm down (relatively speaking, not saying they'll behave just saying they may be calmer than if they were left alone shut up in a caravan) so long as their owners are nearby. Also during holiday time you often have to watch out for people setting off fireworks. We'd often have to tranquilize our dogs beause they'd get so scared if neighbours (even far, far away neighbours) wanted to celebrate with fireworks, and we'd make sure we or a dog-sitter was with them if there were going to be fireworks, even though they were fine being left alone for an evening or a day otherwise. Once or twice my parents got the days wrong, and came home to the back door covered in deep scratches and splintering, because there had been a few fireworks and the poor dog had panicked and tried to dig/scratch through the door. 😢 So those are some concerns that an owner might have if certain things might freak out their dog if they're left at home alone without the parent to calm them if something triggers them, hence dogs being alone is often not the same situation or same concerns as how they'd behave if they're with company. Even a car backfiring on the road outside at midday would make our labrador jump to his feet and start looking around because he was so terrified of fireworks, poor thing. Thankfully there's been a lot more regulation since then on where people can set off fireworks - people living in the suburbs can't just set off rockets with no regard for safety or their neighbours.

I bought the song 🤗 I love your voice. And wow. The pregnant woman who will be alone on Christmas and potentially through the birth of her child.. one of the most shocking AITA of all time. What is going on with people and family pressure? So sad.

As a very devoted dog dad, who is solely responsible for the care of my precious pup, the dog parent’s treatment of her dogs and family are unacceptable. If she is going to have those dogs as companions, she owes it to them to train them properly. Even if she had the best dogs in the world, it wouldn’t matter if people aren’t comfortable around them! Especially if those people have/are children! So dangerous! Those kids could get absolutely traumatized, hurt, or worse. Not to be harsh, but her treatment of her daughter and her dogs suggest she’s just not a very responsible parent…

I was totally gonna say one of them could stay home with kids, but a commenter said it. We did that and my daughter hardly ever sees my bestie because I go stay there as my bestie is 3 hrs away

congrats on the release of the single! also in the one story where the people were saying to just relocate the event four days before so they could bring their kids that weren’t supposed to be there, when you read the part where they told them to just move the event i stopped for a second and did a double take like “someone actually said that?” like neither party was being particularly nice, but that comment is just awful imo 28:35 super confused why she’s bringing the dogs in the first place? my family and i have three dogs and sometimes we’ll be out and about for a few hours and come back and they’re totally fine, usually just napping. i’m just really confused. like unless a dog is like an esa or service dog (which these don’t sound like they are) i don’t see why they would bring them all over. especially with how uncomfortable everyone is with them and the fact that the dog owner isn’t even the host this issue seems extremely avoidable i’ll be honest

I’ll stream it because it’s such a good cause (and I’ll buy it if I can), it’ll be the only non Pentatonix Christmas music I listen to this year.

Putting myself in that pregnant woman’s place made me feel so sad and scared and un-cared for. He is a giant stinking a*****e and if I was one of his family members I’d be asking him what the HELL he was doing here when his partner’s about to give birth. Poor woman may well be tired, in pain, in discomfort, not sleeping, possibly unable to do some things for herself; she is probably frightened, with good reason- babies don’t necessarily arrive on the due date and there are many things that could go wrong and put her and/or the baby in danger. You know she’s got no-one else around and you’re still just going to f**k off and leave her to it? 😡

0:33 Edit: She does fisting motions for emphasis 😂 I always laugh when Shaaba talks about "diving into the A-holes"😂. This time she just had to use the hand movements and emphasize"deep". 😂 And that peach light just kills me lol.😂😂😂

I like your idea of making Christmas a season rather than just a day. I'm not a big fan of Christmas but I'd like to do that with holidays where there's an opportunity to spend time with loved ones! Cramming everything into one day is also pretty intense and not relaxing! Holidays are for resting! 😝

Wow, the second one is definitely the a-hole badge for me. OP never gave any clear-cut answers. As an auDHDer, if I was the friend and was never told not to bring my kids, and the only texts I got were "that's a shame" and "I'll let you know" with no further explanation, I'd assume it was ok to go ahead. OP is definitely not the a-hole for not wanting kids at the event, but they are definitely the a-hole for not prioritising a few minutes of communication with the friend to sort it out

Story three is unbelievable! Dad to be is a massive red flag. The person you choose to build a life with IS more important than your parents. Respecting parents and making time for them is a must but your own family, the one you’re building, should be the priority

Shaaba, I don't want to get into specifics, but I REALLY needed to hear your "it's OK to be selfish sometimes" rant right now. Thank you.

I would post the question would you be okay if I went into labour whilst you were away and you missed the birth of your child? His answer will tell you all you need to know and whilst he is away you will have time to reflect and make decisions about your and your child's future.

"It's ok to sometimes be selfish" YES! It took me too long to allow myself to do this. It's healthy to be 'selfish' sometimes and look after yourself.

As an animal trainer and a professional dogsitter I can warmly recommend finding a boarder or house sitter to look after their dogs in situations like this. I'm quite happy to have an extra dog or two stay with us over the holidays, we have one of our own and I hate parties anyways, so it's the perfect excuse, plus the best kind of a job 😁 The owners can enjoy their dogfree time and get some updates and pictures showing their pups relaxed and happy too. Most of my customer dogs have some sort of issues too, but as a trainer I'm well equipped to handle them, whether it's separation anxiety, excessive barking, resource guarding or something else. Obviously it's not free, so won't work for everyone, but many people don't even think of it as an option and feel trapped with their dogs. The dogs couldn't care less about the christmas traditions, and they don't know what they're missing either, unlike kids. Obviously would be good to train the dogs too, but if the mum hasn't managed it this far it would most likely take way more resources than hiring a sitter for a day or two every now and then. Just need to be perfectly open and honest about their problems so they don't end up with the wrong person.

The pregnancy story is just wild 😬 I was born 6 weeks premature, luckily I was healthy enough not to be in an incubator. The number of babies actually born on their due date is very small. If I was OP, my anxiety wouls be through the roof for every second he was gone, worrying he's going to miss the birth. He probably wouldn't even be thinking about it 🙃

Definitely NTA on the last one. My brother has a German shepherd who unfortunately was injured as a puppy and has to spend his formative months basically crate bound so he wasn't well socialised with other dogs. I have a 3 year old small Lhasa apso mix who gets scared when other dogs get too much in her space especially him because he doesn't know her body language enough to back off and in the past she has lashed out because he's been essentially jumping on her while she's scared. In light of this we always check with eachother who is bringing a dog and make sure we aren't putting them together in high energy environments like Christmas. One of us will always either leave the dog at home or drop them off with a friend for the day just to make sure everyone remains safe and having a good time

"... the siblings can overlap dates ...". OP's fiance can't, he's about to becpme a father.

The husband trying to leave wife alone to go on family holiday should have thought about that in the baby making process

For the last story. As a dog owner, it is irresponsible to have untrained dogs. It is also irresponsible to expect to be able to take your dog EVERYWHERE with you. There are places that don't allow dogs and untrained dogs are the reason, most of the time. Here in the US, there are many places that don't allow dogs, but people bring them anyway. When confronted, they falsely claim that their dog is an assistance/service animal. Pet peeve of mine as I am also a service dog handler/disabled. At any rate, if the dogs are aggressive and not well trained, they should be staying at home. There was another comment that mentioned crate training. This is a great way to get a dog comfortable with being alone without the fear of them destroying your place. Please be a responsible dog owner, if you have dogs.

The Christmas pregnancy one - as well as not knowing if you'll be early or late, what if the partner has travel delays and can't make it back in time? Two days is cutting it way too fine imo. He's shown her who he really is by prioritising his family over his nearly due pregnant partner, and she should gtfo.

As a single someone with 3 dogs, all rescues, I have 1 tiny dog that is super people-friendly and loves kids, one tiny dog that is scared of everyone but just shys away, and one that is huge and very defensive of me. I know how to introduce my huge dog to ppl and have things be okay, but I cannot control everything, so I often to keep her separated from gatherings. Leaving dogs in a car is something I've done a lot, and while they all do need walking every few hours, unless it is freezing or very hot, they're all totally safe and sound in the car. I always make sure dogs in a car have food and water, and they're not sequestered for more than a couple hours straight.

Wait, hold up, this woman is pregnant and so near her due date that the baby could arrive any day now, and her fiance wants to leave her all by herself, alone, while he goes off to be with his relatives on Christmas? Not only would she be alone at Christmas, which is sad, but she may be alone when she goes into labor, which is not only sad, but potentially dangerous if there are any complications. Have they had any conversations about how she's going to get to the hospital if she's alone? Is there anyone who can be with her, or could she be giving birth alone? No, fiance, it's totally NOT okay to leave your pregnant partner totally alone at this time!

FYI, if you haven't checked out Shaaba's songs, you're missing out. the voice, the lyrics, and the beat are all great.

Things that you should always train your dogs to be okay with (for theirs and others safety): crates, muzzles, and having their ears/paws/mouth touched (those last three are important for vet visits). Jeeze. Unless these are brand new dogs and haven't had the time to be trained yet, it's a bit messed up that they can't be alone that long. It also suggests to me that the range rover (questionably not okay for temperature reasons anyway) was never a real option, nor would taking them to a kennel be or having them come at all- if they would destroy their own house out of stress they will also not be able to function at those other options. A new house is a stressful place at the best of times and their owners will not be able to make the dogs their full attention.

i have two cousins in wheelchairs, any holiday situations consider stairs/ramps/bathrooms for them. its so easy to just…not be an asshole

FOMO Fiancé: You can go into labor or have complications at any time, including first pregnancy. These parents are being completely ridiculous. My friend just went for an ordinary non-stress test a week before her due date. It was abnormal, the doctor said let's induce. 48 hours of labor and an emergency C section later, they had their healthy baby girl. This can happen ANY TIME. Can you imagine doing all of that alone while your partner is in Florida?? I'm so frustrated with this man's parents. My husband is going on a work trip to Florida 3 weeks before my due date and we'r both nervous about it, but his boss is insisting. "Oh your wife will be fine." What is wrong with everyone lol. Why is it always Florida? At least I have my MIL and best friend on deck ready to support me if something happens.

So there's a strong possibility that I'll be spending Christmas without my family this year, and I'm doing everything I can to be there with them, and yet this manchild wants to leave his wife and his baby alone? Absolutely not. They are your family now, take some responsibility

Thank you for the wonderful charity work you're doing!

My oldest was born 2 weeks before her due date (38 weeks). My middle child was born by emergency c-section @ 36 weeks for placental abruption. My youngest was born by emergency c-section @ 34 weeks due to severe eclampsia. Babies come when they will.

So, one thing about the last one and a dog ruining a home: No, if a dog ruins your home while you're gone, it doesn't mean they will be destructive somewhere else. A great example is my grandma's dog, River. River has separation anxiety and is frantic any time my grandma is out of his sight. If she's visible, he's calm. If she's out of sight, he whines, cries, yelps, barks, jumps, runs, and gets very destructive. If we left him home alone, he would destroy the place. If we take him somewhere with us, he's calm. In reality, every dog is different.

As a Dog Person, I think it's dreadful when people don't train them properly and insist on bringing them into places where they could hurt or scare someone. My husky mix is basically my child, and he has very good manners, but there are plenty of occasions where I wouldn't bring him along.

That guy has FOMO regarding spending Christmas with his siblings but not... the birth of his own child? Babies can easily come a week early. He needs a reality check ASAP! Like you mentioned, he will also be missing out on the end of the pregnancy, on time with his wife in this time. Ridiculous. Regarding the friendmas story, I'm pretty satisfied with the fact that someone called out OP for not giving a straightforward answer. Even if their reasoning was okay, they misled their friends for no reason. I think you focused on naggy texters for no reason, and that other comment who said to respond right away didn't mean... to one text in particular... but to the problem brought upon in the first place.

A MONTH with the family for Christmas every year! Yikes. 5 days is more than enough for me.

The difference between venue changing from one's own home to somewhere else, and venue changing a location of a trip is that at the early stages of planning a trip, it is relatively easy to cancel a reservation and plan the trip elsewhere. But someone who has been planning and preparing for weeks to host a party can't easily change it because they will have coordinated and bought a lot of things already. And also thought of the menu and decorations and a lot of mental preparation that is not as venue specific when it comes to trip planning.

As a wheelchair user who has to be accommodated for during our family get togethers i will say this, it is a very sensitive position. I have definitely had to work with them on making a place work. It can feel very much like you are a burden, even with a loving family. If they suddenly picked a place they knew i couldn't go it would be a massive slap in the face. There is a difference between not understanding how much room i need vs an inaccessible location. After all, every person with disabilities is unique. I might just bow out gracefully vs asking them to change everything. It can be very dehumanizing to feel like you are begging to be included in your own family. The kid thing... 100% depends on how they asked. The fact they jumped to it before asking about accommodation for him tells me they probably did it in an AH way. Though I can only go by presented vibe. OP is not the AH and I hope they have a very happy family Christmas. It might be the best tradition going forward. I agree with NAH based on info we have. The friends faced the situation head on, we need to bring them, or not go. Most aren't that self aware. The asking to move was a bit presumptuous, but they might have been pushing for a response so they could plan if they didn’t go. I think the idea one should go was a bit much. If it was one of their friend groups than fine, but being shared i think the best response was neither. There are times for splitting, but this didn't feel like one. OP was definitely not an AH. She had a plan and it didn't include kids. She is aware that type of plan won't work in future years, but everything had been agreed to for this year. It isn't anyone's fault there was a hiccup, but it wasn't on OP to absorb it. This one gave me rage! You do not leave a pregnant mom alone in her final month! My best friend was two weeks early and i was 2 weeks late. We actually basically switched due dates. The emotional and physical needs of a pregnant person are so important. This would absolutely be a gigantic red flag and if he wasn't there and doing everything he could to fix the fact he even suggested it, I would be gone. NTA I think OP tried to compromise. It is sad mom won't work with them. It is everyone's right to come or not, but it still stinks.

25:50 my family had a dog who, no matter what help we got, was unruly. She had something up with her but we knew we couldn't care for a dog like that especially with a little kid in the house so we gave her away to someone who could give her much more attention. Even if you love your dogs they need to be happy too and if you can't give that to them then endangering your family isn't the solution

Regarding replying to text messages...it SO depends what one means by immediately. I don't think you have to reply the second you see the text, but you shouldn't put that off for too long either. I think you should give *some* answer as soon as you get to be alone with your phone and take this few seconds to reply - if you're hesitating, just write that you'll think about it. Bc waiting for a reply to a yes or no question for a day or more can be stressful af.

Story one... how were the four kids supposed to GET to the ski resort without either parent? Have four kids ranging from one to fifteen years old ride along with an extended family member? Or mom drops them off and picks them up? The eldest of OP's batch is 15, it wouldn't be fair to make them parent their siblings for presumably several days. And probably change the youngest's diapers and watch them constantly since there's probably no playpen or crib to put them in. Whichever family member thought up this idea didn't think the logistics through, unless they already had an adult family member offering to be the substitute parent for however long the trip is.

for the dad leaving the pregnant woman im not only upset with him but with his parents. even if they don’t see the mother as family, THAT IS THEIR GRANDCHILD on what planet do grandparents say “yeah sorry, i wanna spend time with all my children AT THE RISK OF MY GRANDCHILDREN”?!?! i truly cannot understand how this is even a conversation

I really want to stress, for the second story, if you don't even know their kids and never met them, you cannot expect them or yourself to accommodate Christmas for kids you don't know. Get a back bone, tell them they aren't invited with the kids because you haven't planned for that. If they accept that, cool, if not, still cool. Don't shame the parents for not having a sitter on mother f-christmas and shame them more for continuing to invite them just without kids. Man that makes my blood boil that no one is pointing this out.

22:07 Withdrawal from antidepressants is making me way too weepy, I started getting teary literally just at you saying "no my love, you are not the asshole" at the *first story *. And then the story about the husband leaving his expecting wife just added to it. Also fully agree with you. There are definitely some red flags there for the relationship.

I love the way you delve into the comments as well as the original post!

As very much a dog person myself….person in the 4th scenario is definitely NTA. Aggressive dogs are a sign of an owner that does not properly train their dog, or previously has not. Even if it’s due to ignorance on the owner’s part and not due to ill intent (my mom’s chihuahua lived to be 16 years old and was hell on wheels because we were very much not equipped to handle and train a small breed of dog after raising large dogs for years) other people do not need to be subjected to said dog. Other people do not need to be subjected to your dog in general. Regardless of how trained they are, the onus is on you to ensure that your dogs are well behaved with other people and in other spaces. It’s never on the other people to bend over backwards for you and your dogs, or to make themselves uncomfortable to enter a space with your dogs.

11:30 that’s a shame means “that’s a shame you can’t come because of the kids.”

About the dog story... As a dog trainer and coach I think the mum should have more empathy for the daughters (OP) fear of her dogs scaring and/or being aggressive towards the small grandchildren. The dogs are her responsibility and SHE chose to care for potentially dangerous dogs. Obviously the dogs are her first priority, a choice she already made, and she can not be mad when other people can't accomodate. I have met a few of these dog owners and they will never be happy and seldom knows how to compromise because the dogs are their world. It doesn't say if the dogs are rescues, which could make bringing them into new situations more complicated and may make them feel more cornered and stressed in new environments and with new people (and children that dogs that aren't brought up around children can find both unpredictable and loud). OR if she has had the dogs since puppyhood and just never trained them well enough to be around people. The porch idea seemed like the best solution, but maybe of the dogs would gtrash the caravan she is unable to leave them alone even in a porch. Either way, from this dog trainers perspective, she is the only AH and the grandma's and great aunts onyl fault is to maybe enable the mom, even if their heart is in the right place (which it most often is with enablers).