Can a gay man and a straight woman have a happy marriage? | Mic 

"it's better for my kids to have a gay dad than a dead dad." That hit hard.

I'm a straight woman, but I've had gay guys say that if they were straight, I'd be the girl they'd go for....its sad because it's hard to find a straight guy with the same self care of a gay man.

What if the woman accidentally develops feelings?😭😭 I can't be the only one who feels bad for her:((

I was wheezing at the beginning "It's not like I come home and see her and say, I gotta get on that" 😂😂😂😂 LOL

Why can a gay man have a relationshup with a woman but I can't

Nobody should be recommending mixed-orientation marriages. They cause needless pain 100% of the time and nearly always end in divorce. See the Straight Spouse Network. The stories are heart-rending. I was in one for 26 years. Much happier now that I have been married to a man for 12 years.

"It's not like I come home and see her and say, I gotta get on that" Feeling sorry for the wife that had to hear that :/ But I'm dying here 😆

His wife is indeed beautiful

a proper church should influence your life, not control it; otherwise it’s a cult.

If I marry a gay man and me as a lesbian, I wouldn't mind actually. I'd feel safe around that person but my sadness would still be there when I can't marry someone whom I actually like.

At a 11:33 when he said "Today is hard, and today I wish I had something else..." She replied "right..." But she kind of looked like someone just punched her right in the gut... My heart hurts for both of them. They both seem like loving and involved parents and great friends... But I think this would be hard. It reminds me of Josh and Lolly. So heartbreaking.

I feel so sad for BOTH the husband and wife. Although I wish them the very best, there’s no way this “marriage” will ever work out. Plus, when the interviewer asked if he had ever been with a man at 1:44, I didn’t believe his response for a second.

I know a couple in a mixed-orientation marriage who has been happily married for 20 years now. They have 5 children together and the husband has been openly gay even before he met his wife. The wife also entered their marriage knowing that and i dunno how they do it but they somehow make it work... Maybe they’re the exception in this instance i dunno... But hearing Blaine say, “Today was bad. Today i wish i had something else.” really made my heart break for this particular couple. 💔 I dunno how Lindsay can hear that and not feel terrible... 💔

These situations are so complicated and difficult. This can be a serious issue. I come from a part of the world where being openly gay is still not easy, especially not for men, and especially if they are the only son in the family. Lots of men struggle so much even to just acknowledge and accept themselves that they might be gay, let alone forming a relationship with another man without hiding it from everyone. It's so sad, why can't we just let people love who they love? It doesn't affect straight people in any way! Lots of gay men try to force themselves to be straight and date women, which causes a lot of collateral damage. I fell in love with a gay man twice, once when i was 18, and once when i was 29. In both cases I did suspect they might be gay, but they openly pursued me, and I had no proof. Both situations ended very badly, with both sides being hurt. I felt confused, manipulated, like something was wrong with me and like my view of the situation was not real or valid. I wouldn't wish that situation upon anyone. Both of those men were wonderful people, and we could have had beautiful friendships, if they weren't forced by social norms to pretend they were straight, and if they could've been honest with themselves and with me. The first guy went into severe depression for 3 years after our relationship, until he was finally able to accept that he's gay and find love with a man. The second guy still doesn't admit that he's gay, although it's a public secret that his best friend is actually his partner. So much emotional pain and trauma caused by unacceptance of gay people, it's deeply unfair and sad. If you can't be open-minded enough to just leave gay people alone for their sake, then at least do it for your own sake - how would you feel if you or someone you care for ends up in a relationship like that, simply because of stupid social stigma? Let people love who they love. It's not your business.

I know someone in my city who did this and he has a few kids with his ex wife and went on a few tv shows to talk about why it works. But since then he has gotten a divorce and now co parents his children with her. Ultimately it never works out in the long run. You can not be happy in a life or in a relationship that truly doesn't fit your needs for happiness. He now has a boyfriend and is being more open and honest about why his marriage to a woman was never going to work, he was truly just so unfulfilled in the relationship despite how much he cared for his ex wife as a person. As another gay person who knows his story i'm glad he chose to find true happiness for himself in a relationship that will emotionally fulfill him.

Blaine and Lindsay's marriage makes sense to me. They've been friends since school; their interests, religion and goals are the same and, as they point out - they communicate. Even if their marriage ends after the kids grow up, they have achieved a relationship many straight couples would envy. I must add though that he must be more bisexual than gay -> I simply could not have sex with a woman.

“He makes delicious scrambled eggs, what more could you ask for?” XD ME

Dude if you are gay you are gay. Live your life how you want. Lifes to short to cut yourself short. Thats coming from a happily married straight dude with several gay friends.

Yes, as a gay man I was married for 20 years. No children, very little fukking, but a great friendship. Ended it after a 26 year friendship.

Living in Utah I can say a ton of people get married to people they're not attracted to you because of pressures from the church but that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their sexuality. A lot of the strait couples hate each other too.

"Today was just a really bad gay-day" 😂😂😂

I’m a non-LDS gay man in his mid-30s. I’ve been through many unhappy homosexual relationships, and I want children more than anything-that is the MOST important thing in my life and in vitro/surrogacy is practically unobtainable for me financially. At my age, a heterosexual relationship where I’m honest with myself about her doesn’t seem as crazy as it did a decade ago. Call me crazy but this video is helpful and a viable option for me and the minority of gay men like me. Thank you for this. What do you think??

Call me a hater but there is no love in that marriage. She is doing it for charity and “heaven points” and he’s doing it because he doesn’t want to go to hell.

Idk how I could marry a man that looks at other men the same way I do

But what if you’re gay but you fell in love with a person/individual who just happens to be a woman? I mean there are couples where the man came out as trans or gay to his wife but the attraction and love s/he has towards his wife goes beyond just sexual desire and attraction. There are millions of people who are in arranged marriages as part of their culture and yet live a happy & fulfilled married life while there are others who choose their partner and live an unfulfilled married life. There are also people who have a happy open marriage which works for them. Bottomline is People are just complicated! We are in no position to judge people and their relationships. None of us are arbiters of the “best” or “happy” marriages. I think Blaine and Lindsay are an ideal couple. If we truly support LOVEWINS and the acceptance of ALL orientations then we should also accept and respect the decision of different orientation marriages. Let us be TRULY practice the love wins movement and provide the support and safe space to others that we wish people gave us. ☺️

He laughs and seems happy enough in the video, but he's probably screaming inside a lot of the time.

That doesent make any goddamn sense to me...

I know some people think their marriage won't work but I think it will because they were best friends first. That's the strongest foundation.

It would be hard to not have your husband find you attractive I admit. They do seem relatively happy though . Why, not have a church who accepts you for who you are though?

Omg. And this guy is therapist. He is the one actually have problem.

Omg the female reporter is gorgeus.

I been married for 25 years now with a women. She's aware of my bi sexuality an we get alone just fine have two kids in their 20's. This type of relationship is not for every couple.

This seems forced and unhealthy! Stuff that...

Even as a gay man, I can understand why the gay partner may wish to have the social respectability and conformity of marriage and chance to have a family. What I find hard to understand is how it works for a heterosexual spouse to be marriage to somebody who is gay.

For those who go around and say “Love Is Love”, but don’t like this, should rethink what they think love is.

Note to Beck Bennett and Kate McKinnon, this would be a great sketch for you two on SNL!!!

This woman would have to have an Insane sense of security. Kudos for her for being next-level openminded. I truly wish the best for them and their kids!

I've had no idea this was actually a thing. I'm the first born child to preachers, they don't about me being gay though... when i discovered myself around the age of 12 i fought against it after hearing the community members, colleagues, family and the church constantly talk down against the lgbt community i fought from 12 to my mid 20s... from willing myself to change, prayer + fast to change, even had 3 girlfriends in an attempt to change but nothing. after my 3rd girlfriend and I went our separate ways i decided to stop fighting and accept myself for what i am a lot of people claim "being gay is a choice. you may have the feelings inside but you dont have to give in to it" but im sure if a gay man asks to marry their daughters because its the "right thing" or "against the religion" theyd most likely refuse because they wont want their daughter enduring a complicated relationship like that so my thing is if you dont want me to put your daughter through that, why should i put someone else's... unless you expect me to live a life of celibacy and lonliness

This is definitely complicated. I read a story about a gay man falling for a woman. He’s still attracted to men and does not have attraction for other women. In the story the character tries to understand his feelings by getting to know her as a friend while also dating men he eventually realized the joy attraction and happiness he feels when he’s with her and also felt jealousy when she’s with other men. At first he thought he was jealous because other men was attracted to her but realized how he hated them touching her and had a point where he thought he wants to be the only one she hugs, hold hands with, kiss etc. That’s when he realized he fell for this girl. For him it didn’t matter what the gender was but it’s the person that he fell for. The story goes on with him trying to attract his future wife while she only saw him as her gay best friend. He sort of uses that to his advantage to get close to her while also seducing her with his charm. I can’t remember the name but it’s really funny since it talks about him doing things like coming out of the bathroom wet with just a towel wrapped around his waist and asking her to dry his hair and shes just like alright sit down without a reaction which disappointed him.

As a closet gay lds girl this um is scaring me

Wait they actually had kids together? 🤭

This is the medical proof that I was born gay. The President of the Baptist Church who was a Dr said if I went through electronic shock therapy I would become straight. They put me in a locked booth and put a wire ring that measured temperature changes on my private parts and showed me about 1000 pictures of men and 1000 pictures of women over about 10 days. When my body temperature rose when I saw pictures of the men, which is natural for me, they delivered high voltages of electricity through other wires that were also attached. It was horrific. But the machine never recorded ANYTHING when I saw all those pictures of nude women. There isn't anything anyone can do to influence the outcome of those tests. The Dr at the facility said it proved that being gay is not a choice, that I am gay, and that I was born gay. When I came back to the original Dr, he laughed and said, (I quote verbatum) "That would have really hurt you eh". I went through 13 years of reparative therapy that did an enormous amount of damage. That included two lots of surgery on my esophagus for gastric reflux from the pressure of LYING about my God given gay sexual orientation. Last year I had a heart attack when my heart was 90% blocked from the long term stress of being in a MOM. I have been married to my wife for 51 years and nursed her with MS for 25 years. She is in a nursing home nearby now that costs over $A1000 per week. She accepts me and my gay friends. The Baptist Church has told me I am not welcome to even attend church, and that I never have been. I was a Baptist Pastor and Missionary. I am not sexually active. When one member of a mixed orientation is gay, that person is lying. Last time I checked, lying is sin. I strongly support same sex marriage. I have been retired over 22 years. Update: My wife passed in June 2022. Before she died I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband. She said "Of course. That was easy. Why wouldn't I?" She was wonderful.

This man is a therapist that helps people reconcile their sexual orientation! What the fuck! Does he also realize he is enabling denial, emotional abuse, repression of emotions and ones true self?

How about just not getting married? Ever thought of that. People still believe in the marriage scam

I am a straight woman and I want companionship of a gay. I am very feminine and masculinity proves just too much for me. I don't mind living virgin all my life, I just want a more compassionate companion. A gay person might just be the one. I don't think I would mind if the person gets physical with other men at the same time....

They look happy to me. In life, there are no guarantees and no one survives it. All we can do is pursue happiness and maybe sometimes we find it.

Jordyn Rolling radiates empathy. what a beautiful person

Nice to meet you both Thank you for explaining this situation so well Good Luck

There are as many types of relationships as people in the world, every person is different. Some things will work for some that might never work for others. I have a deep level of respect for people who enter a relationship with full honesty, knowing well what they are getting into and trying to make it work. Blaine and Lindsay´s relationship might not work for most people, and could probably make many miserable, but it seems to have worked for them for 15 years. I respect that.

This is so hard to watch, someone deny themself 24/7, you can even hear his pain in his voice.

To the wife: Have you ever been with another man? Wife: Hahah no? Uhhhh, never. Hah. No?? Uhh. 😰

I can’t even imagine what this is like. My closest thought would be me marrying my sister and trying to have sex with her. I really hope it works out for them but I’d be curious to see if the marriage survives empty nest syndrome.

I want a family, and I'd rather marry than grow old alone and having meaningless hookups that never go anywhere. I want something traditional and gay men won't provide that. I prefer feminine energy, shapes and mannerisms, though I'm neutral towards women physically. Not opposed.

As a gay man this makes me uncomfy 😔

The interviewer is SO kind and empathic!😢❤️ When that poor young man was tearfully speaking of his suicidal thoughts,her eyes were getting misty too😢💔 You could see her soft kindness and that she hurt for him.💔

"a mixed orientation marriage have two things in common , money and guilt " end of. Why would she sell herself short this way

“Today was a bad gay day. Wish I had something else”. Like a dick lol

It’s better to live your truest life, and be your truest self. Pretending to be someone you’re not is just gonna hurt.

Really well done. Thank you for sharing this. I wish there was a way that people could not comment unless they have watched the entire video.

Love and sex are two completely different things. It is only in the last few centuries that religion pushed the idea that marriage and love are aligned. Marriage was always an economic, political, or procreation issue historically in all cultures. It is certainly great when one's sexual attraction to someone who is their chosen spouse are the same and when love and sex are aligned. But from what I have seen, most modern relationships are based on sexual attraction not true love so it results in such high divorce rates when the attraction wears off. You will ultimately be happy when you LOVE your mate far more than when you are in lust with your mate, gay or straight.

I know the subject matter of this video is slightly different because of the religion aspect, but you have to remember that some people make this choice freely. Two years ago one of my best friends, who is not religious at all, married her best friend, a gay man. They are soulmates in an utterly committed and loving platonic relationship. Their marriage is sexually open (because they are not really a couple) but they live together and care for each other in every way. It works for them and though they face judgement, they're genuinely one of the sweetest and most affectionate pairs I've ever seen. I agree that there's something messy about relationships like the one in the video- although, hey! free choices- but there are people in the comments here saying such a mixed-orientation could "never work". This is simply not true. If a relationship is truly loving, whoever it involves, then it can work.

People don't realize how fluid sexuality can be through out a person's life. Many of your straight spouses explore, but then again, they wouldn't tell you. I seen it many times

This is just sad. I feel awful for the couple. For her to have to hear that and for him to have to marry a women to not remain celibate for late or leave the church and be ex-communicated is awful

I find this slightly disturbing, not because gay man/straight woman or straight man/gay woman shouldn't be able to do what makes them mutually happy, because they should and I'm fully supportive. In fact, many marriages coexist peacefully in which either the husband or the wife is bisexual and has the freedom to seek out same-sex partners outside the marriage with their spouse's blessing in order to allow the sentimental and familial bond of of love and obligation they share to exist without any undue hindrance. However, my only qualms stem from the fact that this arrangement appears to have been arrived at only as a way of fitting into a Church-sanctioned paradigm of sorts, an already worrisome motivation, but especially so in a Church which still views LGBTQ+ members as alien creatures to be 'tolerated' rather than fully embraced and given the freedom to marry whomever they actually LOVE and are attracted to, both physically and sentimentally. Also, in response to the assertion made by the first mixed-orientation wife, Lindsay Hickman, to the effect that her husband chose her 'out of all the boys and the girls,' I would have to disagree for it appears as though he chose her simply because she was his only viable option if he wished to be gay and married in the Mormon Church.

These gays get the most hate yet they strive the hardest to make happy and healthy families, immense respect.

I think love is love,it is possible for a gay man and a straight female to fall in love. I respect this couples relationship, n it is normal for them to fall in love. I think they both respect each other aswell. If it didnt work out well at least they tried and did have a relationship

Some women do love gay men. Gay men are nice to be around they give you compliments help you with make up and give you attention.

It really involves a lot understanding and a person to person case. It depends how strong a persons conviction is. I salute the couple here😁

Mixed orientation marriages are not a recipe for true happiness

I agree on the “tag”. Unfair for people who are straight and blindsided later on... like me... I could have had a better life 😭

Well, it's just simple, if you're gay but you are forced to marry a woman by for example your parents, you ain't gonna be happy, BUT, if you're gay and there is a woman you like LIKE and you really want something with her, I think it can work out

can somebody make a movie about mixorientation marriage

What’s in it for the husband / dad? Does he have to repress his sexual desires & feelings to make the church look good?

1:44 delusion. convince yourself.

[1:50] Lindsay is exactly my type of woman. I would be faithfull to her,she is a gem.

Omg just get a divorce and be happy 🙄

I love how they say that some gay people can find peace with it (generally this is the case if they have a partner they can speak to openly about it) and others end up suicidal. Everybody is different. I’m not sure I would be comfortable demanding that my partner living a life that is so incongruent with their inner world. Although I understand how complicated things are especially w kids.

I wish I knew others in a purposeful mixed marriage. Can't find anything about couples that do this with full knowledge from the beginning for love.

It's clear that Blaine and Lindsay love each over so much that their different orientations mean absolutely nothing to them, which is good! If you love each other, and a heterosexual relationship is what you-either a gay man or lesbian woman want, then i say go for it. I support this type of relationship just as much as i support both straight and gay/lesbian relationships!

OK, to all the commenters: he was even told by his parents that they'd accept him no matter what, AND HE STILL CHOSE HER!!!! That's not to downgrade the pain and misery of people such as the other guy in the video, or of anyone who identifies as gay and constantly feels judged. I'm LDS, and I've seen for myself and through fellow members' accounts that even within a Church that couldn't possibly emphasize more the need to speak kindly and show Christlike love and attributes to ALL of God's children, gay or straight (though some on here, due to the Church's stance on marriage, would disagree - to which I say, "That's OK - you're free to your opinion"), there are plenty of busybodies who live the "church culture" rather than Church teachings - my family is a bit different. I don't mean to equate my personal experiences with that of others which were most definitely worse, but we've had some wards (or "congregations" as you might call them) where I felt that bitter sting of loneliness and being cut off from everyone because my family didn't fit that perfect little Molly Mormon mold. So, sadly, it doesn't surprise me to hear about members feeling ostracized or and judged from fellow members who think they know what they're talking about but really don't (keep in mind, the Church may have a firm stance on marriage, but our leaders have also countless times taught that we should spread love, kindness, and acceptance to people with same-sex attraction . . . including those who disagree with that stance. So it's not a Church issue, it's a "culture" issue). That said, that doesn't give anyone the right to tell these people not to try to make it. If he married her simply because marrying a woman was the right thing to do, or if he were trying to "fix" his same-sex attraction, I'd say differently. But that's not the case - he *chose* her. And I'll point out, too, that *she* chose *him* - I say that, because as much misery and suffering as many homosexual people already go through in the Church, for some that causes even *more* heartache - the idea even someone of the opposite sex refuses to marry a gay person. This leaves them feeling even *more* judged and ostracized. The fact that she doesn't judge him may very well be what got him to choose her. And, finally, what of people who *aren't* so religious and are gay (homosexual activity and everything, and fully identify as gay or lesbian) and yet suddenly find that *one* person of the other sex who throws them through a loop? Heck, there's an article out there about a lesbian who wound up marrying her egg donor and daughter's biological father. Look it up, if you don't believe me. These people typically say that their attraction is more emotional than sexual (which is what I'd imagine true love actually is, anyway). Are we going to tell *them* that their feelings for each other aren't real? Isn't saying a mixed-orientation relationship such as the one in the video is doomed to fail a slap in *their* faces? Because they will tell you it's every bit as real as their relationships with anyone of the same sex (in some cases, even more so). Just don't judge someone else's marriage and relationships based on bias. That's all I'm trying to say.

I had a crush which was developed to a deeper feelings to a gay boy when I was younger. I understand this

My cousin is in a mixed orientation marriage for five years now, he was crying in his wedding day Now he has a kid It ve been a while since i saw him my mom says he's fine but im not sure 😭 I will never get my self in a mixed marriage omg

I have been married to my wife for over 50 years and cared for her with MS for 25 years. It is wrong because I am gay, medically proven. The days when gays enter a mixed orientation marriage has got to stop because it is sin to live out a lie. I strongly support gay marriage because loving committed monogamous gay marriage for life is not condemned in the Bible anywhere. I used to be a Baptist Pastor. Living out a lie as a gay man has come at a huge cost to my health, including several lots surgery on my esophagus for gastric reflux, and a heart attack 90% blocked et al. Gays should not enter heterosexual marriages.

I think that their marriage works because they both seem like genuine, rational people, helping each other to accept the roles that they feel they ought to play in life, like actors helping eachother improve their acting skills to satisfy the audience (God and society). I think if either one of them were living in the illusion that everything's great or everything's fine or life's just black and white(aka, if they were less self-aware) , then they might not have been as happy. What do I know though, I haven't even been in a relationship yet 😅🤷‍♂️

Why isn’t leaving the church a good option ? Why we humans need validation to belong to a religion 😑😑

Very excellent presentation.. Thank You 🙏

My auntie and uncle have been together since their early 20's, my uncle isn't so called attracted to women and everyone knows now since she hasn't had a kid in 30 yrs and has been so called 'trying'. But yet they are happy and my uncle forbids himself from looking at other guys as we are a very religious family so yeah....Most likely a religious couple who dont have kids, you can like kinda know one of them aint straight

I sort of feel like their marriage has lasted for such a long time because they don’t know what they’re missing. He stated that he’s never been with a man and she has never been with another man either. Maybe if they had time to explore emotions and sexuality with other people when they were younger they wouldn’t have gotten married maybe? Hmm I hope it works out for them but mixed orientation marriage doesn’t seem for filling in the long run.

They’re not “gay”, they bi-sexual! Amazing you wouldn’t know that!

I'm not convinced

1:10 “Be celibate for the rest of your life” I’m a sex-repulsed asexual, that’s not going to be too hard.

I’m fascinated by this dynamic. I knew I was gay since kindergarten, and even though I got push back from my parents, there was no way in hell that I was going to be with a woman and eat p***y (sorry for being crude). My mother eventually came around. But even if she didn’t, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone if I wasn’t going to be with another man. And if anybody guffawed and had a problem with it, I’d just say “by all means, eat all the p***y you want in my place. I’m allergic.” Of course, I went through my own coming out process, but I guess it helped that I had remained steadfast in my beliefs since an early age.

I don’t feel sorry for the wife at all, she is his prison guard. Don’t chain/legally bind someone to you when they don’t love you. No remorse for her.

LGBT stay with your real wife #1. Get It Together Love Ones.

This terrible that these people are so afraid to be who they are! Because of a religion telling them they can’t be themselves. (I’m an ex-mormon I’m not gay though but Jeez)

This couple has greater commitment to their church and its cultural and social pressures than they do to themselves or each other. They both exercise a severe level of self-deception and have gaslit themselves into a reality that is distorted and severed from who they truly are. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship. But, it sure is a barometer. Both partners are allowed to want to feel desired by the other. We should feel fully connected to our special person through all means available to us in this life: Mentally, amicably, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and yes, even sexually. How unsettling that this wife does not acknowledge how unequal this relationship is. According to his religious beliefs, she’s his ticket into heaven. He’s willing to allow her to go this entire life questioning his desire for her, all under the duress that it’s a necessary and eternal sacrifice to be made in this life. God wants his children to experience joy. Is this truly their joy? Or, have they backed themselves into a mindset and commitment they feel powerless to escape? It’s sad that this couple has committed to a partnership of consolation, rather than one of passionate conviction, transparency, and authenticity. I think it’s commendable they value marrying your best friend, but we are creatures capable of deeper physical love & connection, worthy of so much more joy than this.

Thank you so much. This is the first time I've seen a reporter who is not judgemental towards Christians. If all renters could be impartial and loving, that would be so great.

Most of these situations work because the wives are essentially masculine or tomboys somehow who are also struggling with their sexuality. No feminine women would be fulfilled in this type of setting.

My cousin whos gay married his best friend who's a lesbian in 1988 because they wanted kids. Now their children are grown, and they are still married and happy.

Marriage:who are you? Gay marriage: I am you. Marriage:I am me? Gay marriage:no, sir you are you Marriage: I don’t know Gay marriage: two is two.