Caught Husband Texting Another Woman (Can I Trust Him Again?) 

Assuming a traditional marriage with a male breadwinner and a female home-maker -- from the perspective of the man, he gets someone to do his housework and take care of his children. From the perspective of the woman, she gets someone to foot the bill for her lifestyle.

Agreed

EXACTLY!!

@user-dj8ot7di3y Thank you for saying this out loud. Most of us women do not know this, as this is a well kept secret men generally don't talk about, and certainly not to their wives, GFs or SOs. And - unfortunately too - the women who do hear this - don't understand it [and in most cases refuse to believe it], because we are wired so totally differently. You said it very kindly and with a lot of restraint - I probably would have used different language to make my point to a woman. I myself have struggled with this fact for a long time - and simply hearing it or "knowing" it, doesn't make it any easier to understand or to incorporate into a working relationship. It takes an actual, daily, determined effort from both parties to keep things fresh, interesting and running smoothly. And to gently remind the other party, when things are sliding off the tracks. I appreciate you for speaking up and putting this out here for women to hear! I wish you would have posted this in the main section of the comments, instead of as an answer to someone's remark, so it's more visible for other women to see!!!

@E Okay sooo…the question is still… why get married in this first place? Because you didn’t know that it would be like that or because your desire to have kids and a family was just that strong? Why not just stay single? Or have a partner and just enjoy it? You’re right. I absolutely do not understand why people do this to themselves. I’m a 41 year old woman. No children and not married. I told my fiancé that I would accept his ring but would like to stay forever engaged. Maybe in 15-20 years if we’re still going strong, maybe we’ll do it just for fun. Make a weekend out of it. He’s okay with whatever I want as long as we’re together. We don’t have to do what society tries to program us to do. What you described is my absolute worst nightmare. For me OR my partner to feel that way. Yes, I want to be with him forever but if I’m not… then I’ll always be thankful for the time we did have. I don’t want to be trapped and I never want for him to feel that way either. I need to know that we’re together because both of us wake up every morning and choose that.

Exactly.

@@Guitarlvr01 she said there are no pictures in there when she looked..yep..that's why they used snapchat because they disappear

@@ASouthernBoyCanSurvive yeah she just doesn’t realize how it works….

@@Guitarlvr01 yea hope she will be ok

​@@ASouthernBoyCanSurvive 💯

Yes exactly! Pics delete right after seeing them.

I know nothing about Snap Chat, are messages sent thru text too? Or just thru the app.?

@@miknmas1301 it’s just through the app. And there’s absolutely no trace of the photo at all once it’s sent. So she “checked” but there’s no possibility of ever knowing actually.

He’s playing her.

@@amendaalmonte2236 actually it depends on your settings. you can save specific messages in chat, change it so everything gets deleted immediately, or have your messages delete after a certain time period (for instance, everything gets deleted after 12 hrs). so what's even worse is that he could have made it looked like the non-nude photos/texts were there and he immediately deleted the nudes. So it looks like no nudes were sent in the first place, even though they were. its very easy to manipulate a conversation so only some messages are saved and others are deleted. She probably only saw his saved messages and the nudes were wiped as soon as they were sent.

Hey can I ask you something, kinda in a similar situation

@@amina-xe7wl sure

@@Shay-yg7nm I caught my fiancé messaging women in a non flirty way, when I confronted him about it he said it was nothing serious and just wanted to flirt with them a little bit. This happened 2 days after he proposed to me. Would you consider it to be cheating? and is it normal do to that 2 days after proposing.

@@amina-xe7wl 10000%%%% YES!!! It's cheating. That's what happened to me too. Caught my former fiance texting another girl and he said it was nothing. It will escalate into something further I guarantee it. If you are committed to someone you don't emotionally or physically cheat! You don't flirt or text flirt with other girls. You should be his only priority but instead he's taking time away from your relationship to spend texting someone else. I know it's difficult but get out now before you get married and before he takes the emotional cheating to a physical level. You are worth more! Relationship rule #1, never be #2. 💜💜

@@Shay-yg7nm awhh thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️. I have already left, but I just wanted the opinion of someone who doesn’t know me on the whole situation. I’m sure I’ll meet someone better one day ☺️

Unfortunately the world isn’t that black and white. There’s a different between acting on something and having thoughts about it.

Yeah it shouldn't even be work. When I'm happy with what I got i can't be tempted. Im not put in "situations" I don't have secrets therefore I don't have to lie.

Ever since being with my husband I can't even look at other guys that way. Everyone gives me the "ick" in a way 😅 no one can even compare to the emotion and depth I feel for him. I think even if he died, I wouldn't be able to be with someone to the same depth as him

Thats not how it works. Men are visual sex driven creatures. I love my wife but I think about cheating and other women all the time. I dont do it, but ifs always there.

Do they ever tell the whole truth.

💯

💯!

💯!!

😂😂😂💯

Fr

😂😂😂😂 yep!

Wow this actually was very insightful. Making a cheater desire you again 😕

You really missed the point.

So much work. I don’t have the energy to keep& even to attract a partner my last relationship drained me - I havnt dated in years

Yep. I'm glad I'm single. I just can't be bothered doing the mental, sexual and physical gymnastics needed to please a man. It's just too exhausting. And honestly, why do i need to? Im happier, more fulfilled, freer, and more authentic when I'm single. It's wonderful.

​@@yasminogbu8929Yes, I'm the same. I was so relieved and happy that my last relationship ended. It was such a strain.

Well that’s why it’s a constant battle to keep each other’s love alive

Fucking Thank You!! Omg being happy is not the end all be all. It’s other emotions to be felt… that’s life💯

Weak narcissists

It ain't just men that cheat. My wife cheated and her reasoning for me getting over it was by stating that "it could have been the other way around " She just didn't believe I wouldn't cheat.

Could you describe a bit more what you mean by that?

Yes!! A 1000% Infidelity is always ego thing. You can't trust a person who puts ego over family.

So true!

Amoebas are constantly on the move absorbing whatever they can reach.

So true, but kinda difficult to implement if she has young kids to look after. How can she move out when she has kids? Personally I believe any woman who has kids has shot themselves in the foot in terms of having power in a romantic relationship. It’s just so tough when it’s a relationship with kids involved.

@@darkangel686868 I agree 💯

This is happening to me.. I am back in school w the help of my parents and on track to have a high earning career in a few years. You have to have a good husband to be a sahm.. not these apathetic narcissists. But we have a daughter. I have daydreams of having a happy marriage with him even when I study, bc I want my daughter to have a great life. Every time I see the signs of him going down that bad road again, the dream blows up.

Agreed. Every cheater inevitably gaslights the spouse they cheated on by talking about how they just weren't doing this, or they weren't doing that. Or they were too busy. Etc. You can always make an excuse in your mind. Unfortunately, too many around them also excuse their behavior rather than hold them accountable because it's become more and more acceptable/expected in our society. They say "he/she wasn't filling your needs. I would have done such and such, too", or something along those lines.

My thought tad well… 🤔

Yep.

She knows he did

@TheRoyalWe07 Unfortunately, yes.

@@truckingwithtobeeThen, find your own excitement. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Girl - is that ever true!!! You cracked me up, LOL. I used to find porn mags under the toilet tank lid when I was married to my first husband [who had a full blown porn/sex addiction - which of course 30 years ago I had no clue what that was!]. I feel sorry for his current wife [#4 I think] - I very much doubt he ever managed to get this under control].

@@ssiegreen5292 My mission in life is to crack people up. You made my day.

Trust your instincts. If it smells rotten it probably is

The more time goes on the more being single is looking like the best choice.

Yea I wonder about John’s advise or thinking sometimes

I agree

This is a great explanation!

@@teslastream Thank you!

Amen sister!

Beautifully stated!

Can you pray for mine too, please!

Or that he loves her and stopped before he destroyed her and his marriage. Not all men are the same.

That's what I said!!!

@@havuckofp haha get out of my head

If depends on how you send it. Sometimes you can save an image.

@@HereForFun98 yeah but you can save it then delete it right after, so she could of easily sent pictures without the wife knowing

@@stardark9mc yeah I know this. I used to use Snapchat. I’m guessing you meant to respond to someone else on the thread.

Exactly. People expect their partners to fill every void they have and it’s not realistic or fair. The ONLY person who can make you happy is you. If you need to feel “alive” then yes, get a motorcycle or a new hobby or something to be passionate about. Finding someone new to fill those things will just end the same way over and over again. You’ll never truly be happy and you’ll have hurt a lot of people along the way. These people need to grow up. It’s that simple.

Welp...good luck with the "affair proofing." My ex husband told me I was the BEST sex he ever had, we were madly in love, he was a pastor, we were still in the honeymoon stage first year or two... no big fights, no taking him for granted, I was SOOOO HAPPY and grateful to finally meet and marry a "quality, good man with morals." I worked out regularly, dressed up really nice often, made homecooked meals that brought his blood pressure down, brought in income with my business, supported him emotionally and financially when his job hours decreased. We had no children, I helped support his relationship with his 5 sons, we loved spending time together.... and this "man" had the NERVE to cheat on me with his super fat, mean, ex. I like women of all shapes and sizes but this wasn't like him doing some mega upgrading or anything. I am not perfect...but that day, I just realized I had given literally MY ALL, MY BEST, to a man who said he was deleriously happy... and then betrayed it all. I had to just be DONE trying. I have been celibate and single the last 2 years and it is peaceful. I am still kinda greiving the loss of the fantasy that you can control whether someone will betray you or not...or that you get out of a relationship what you put into it. But I don't think I have it in me to entrust any man with my life ever again. There ARE some great loyal guys out there. But I thought I had one of those super-stars, and I can't afford to risk it again. We've all made mistakes in life...but he didn't clean up his mess, or my broken heart. He just thought I should instantly be over it. If I had done that to HIM... he would NEVER have forgiven me, cuz he KNOWS deep down, how awful it is. He brought me the gift of an STD. I am DONE. I do forgive him, but I can't trust him. (Turns out he gave me more than one goid reason to dump him). Going through another heartbreak of this magnitude again would legit KILL me. No way I'd survive it again. 2 years later and I feel like I just started breathing again. It is great to trust and try in a relationship, but never give more than you can afford to lose (emotionally, financially, spiritially, or mentally), just in case.

Boy you have some biases!

Same. And he has probably had affairs all these years.

Same here, I am so heartbroken and have no idea what to do...

@@noo8446hello how are you doing now? Why did uou end up doing?

WORD

What?

Easy to say when it's not your family.

he said he was sorry.... that he got caught. it's over!!

It is called "the seven year itch" for a reason

No, he’s still with Ramsey. Most of the new Ramsey team members have their own shows in addition to the ones with Dave 😊

Thanks Shanelle, wasn’t aware.. 👍🏼👍🏼

when he is on ramsey they direct relationship calls plus financial he's always been a dr for twenty years now

It's hard when men have kids. The cool hot wife/girlfriend turns into a chunky mom with no abs anymore. If he really loved his kids he would either stay faithful or man up and divorce and take care of kids and be a dad

@@JustActNormal I’ve seen it, the guy keeps getting more attractive, works out, great with the kids, better job, more confidence, charming. Wife at home drinking box wine while the kids are at school and needs a “nap” when he comes home from work.

@@deuteriumjones that's dark

She is not weak. I know first hand. Both ways are hard, to stay or leave. You have to be strong for both. Stop judging . You have no idea what it’s like unless you’ve been through it.