Character Trait Acquisition 

The world should be very grateful to this man. You may hate him for what he is but what he has done has given the world a unique insight into the world of the narcissist. HG has been paramount in my healing and I would recommend his work to all, thank you HG..

We were “mirror images” and could not be more perfectly matched until the moment it was clear he had a new target, and appeared to be someone else entirely. In dumping me and “my traits” it was clear he was a chameleon changing colors as suits the moment.

Not one single psychologist, PhD, counselor, lifecoach, consultant peddling narc advice online can explain the behavior or the motives. It's all regurgitated DSM bullet points. Some of them act as if a narc is just a difficult person. None of them address the issue of power and control. I enjoy listening to your videos and reading your books because your information activates my logical thinking.

This is just so sad. It's a consequence of childhood abuse. It's a defense mechanism. As an empath, I was raised to believe that there was something inherently "wrong" with me. I learned to "hide" my true self to the extent that I forgot who I was. There was so much shame involved. It's taken me over half a century and going low or no contact with all of the narcissists in my life to get some of myself back. I do empathize with the narcissist. This is my kryptonite.

HG, to me, his is one of the most important videos in the narc video-sphere. I’ve heard that ‘the construct’ is built out of victims’ characteristics, but this made it so real. I’ve always attributed what you call character trait acquisition to envy. My narc appeared one day with blue eyes, claiming she saw them at the optician’s and wanted to try them. (My eyes are blue.) She bought a new bicycle right after I bought one. She bought a piano right after I bought an electronic keyboard. She only played ‘Heart and Soul’. I gave her my shortwave radio for Christmas, she wanted it so much. The last time I saw her she was speaking with a phony British accent, which I can see now was a character trait she had acquired in the two intervening years. This is fascinating, fleshing out her construct.

My narc husband (deceased after a 32 years marriage) joined my church during the initial love bombing phase. He acquired new “religious” traits that kept him within the bounds of the religion. The church community provided the secondary fuel. He even learned to get a tear in his eye during a “tender”moment shared. He struggled to keep himself within the realms of the religious teachings to keep his status. This helped control any girl friends as much as I know. Thankfully, much of his fuel came from the religious community during most of our marriage. I stayed in the marriage because of the religious implications but learned “no contact” effectively as his primary care giver. This was HARD! The days were not easy but I had relief coming in his death. His last contrary act towards me was him avoiding telling me goodbye when he told the rest of the family when he went to hospice. That’s okay because I won! He’s deceased and I get to live the rest of my life in peace without the narc’s presence in my life. The reward of peace in my home is the greatest! I enjoy day after day with no stress, no angry outbursts, no evil eye… just a “peace that passes all understanding”. Thanks for these informative videos HG.

Thank You HG Tudor for another fascinating lesson in understanding the Narcissist. Now I know why He did the things He did. I learned to speak French. He asked me what A few words were and I told him. The next time we were out too lunch with a fuel source of his. He acted as though He could speak fluent French. He Pronounced the words incorrectly and I snickered in my mind. Pretending He could speak French. One day walking to the car from the beach it started to rain he began holding his arms out and dancing in the rain he got mad at me for not joining him this was a trait that one of his fuel source did. (It really looked stupid). He also had great knowledge of painting later I would find out that his ex-wife was a famous painter and she loves to garden. He acted as though he knew a lot about gardening and when I try to ask him a question about gardening he could not answer them. That’s when I figured out he was picking up character traits from each individual person that he had a relationships with. Your video has confirmed what I had been thinking. Thank You

Love how you infobomb us everyday,HG....😁

Such a brilliant video, explains so much. Once clarity is gained, freed their own mind from the influence of past narcissists, learn to recognise repeated patterns of character trait acquisition, let's say, from one's work / postings, over a "sustained period of time", it is quite visible. Thank you for your education, HG, much appreciated

Looking back, remembering he actually would tell me, "I am you when you are not around." Confident, self assured, leader ... around me he would play dumb and passively aggressively withdraw, stonewall and "punish." I never considered his behavior as "punishment" until therapy and reflection... then as I healed and set boundaries he would tell me I was controlling and punishing him.

This looks like a glass figure of Michael Jackson in the smooth criminal outfit. Great video by the way it explains so much of the dynamic

Thank you! Now I understand. I’ve seen it

WOW! I had no idea that fuel maintained the construct, or what the construct was made of. This is a really amazing way of explaining it.

My understanding of this is, that we all admire certain aspects of a person's character and may try to emulate them but we do not take it to the extremes of the narcissist. They will select several traits of people they want to be,entwine them together to build a creature a construct,to hide from the world who they really are.

What you said makes so much sense when it comes to my grandmother. (She was my worst narcissist.) I began to notice as I got older that there seemed to be no real person there. It all seemed shallow and superficial. I began to find it rather disturbing when I got older and began to pick up on this.

When I started complaining that he was copying everything about me, he laughed and said, "You don't have a patent on it."

Thanks HG. Character trait acquisition is so much easier to recognise now you have explained it so clearly ... much appreciated.

Your explanations are sticking in my memory. The way you find pictures and analogies to show your meaning quite fascinates me. And of course: I do love your voice! So, that's enough fuel for today.... 😊

My ex would brag to everyone that I was a degree qualified female engineer working in a male environment - how important my position and responsibilities were. Behind closed doors he would tell me my job was shit, I wasn't shit and any monkey could do my job..

Your submissions are incredibly well done, Sir. Thank you. This submission is one of the best I have heard and has taught me something new, the first in quite a while, and amongst a total of two thousand views that I have done on the subject. Sincerely, Home appliance.

Yes. I picked up on this with my son-in-law. I took several family members on a vacation. All hotels..flights etc paid for. I ended up paying for everything in the end. Oh well. Then his social media posts came thick and fast. Him on the speedboat to Capri. Him prowling the streets of Naples. Him..Him.. Him. No mention at all of how he managed to GET THERE in the first place.😂

There were times when his mannerisms and wording reminded me of things i heard other ppl say and behave. I thought i was imagining it at the time

Saw Neil Young in concert & my narcissist boyfriend did not go. After the concert I told my BF I thought it was cool Neil would tap right foot left foot right foot back-and-forth to keep rhythm because most people tap one foot. He was unimpressed and I didn’t even know if he heard me. Fast forward a month we were at the beach on spring break. He was telling some dude at the beach my story as if he was there experiencing it. I was sitting right next to him listening to him tell my story. So weird.

Had a probably mid level narcissist a number of years ago as a friend who is excellent in character acquisition. Over time witnessed her take up acquaintances and utilize bits of their personalities and toss them away, happened a bit to me but even though I didn’t have a name for what she was I set up what HG would called a no contact regimen. The interesting thing is this individual is well off with what should be a beautiful house but it is an interior decorating disaster. The place is a hodge podge of colors, styles, even the design of the house is off kilter. I finally figured out she copied different looks from people’s houses she had recently visited. Her house is a real life representation of the compartmentalization of her mind.

Thank you HG, I never heart such a good explanation. I now understand their behaviour so much better. Very very helpful.

OMG you make me speechless...this is so intriguing, I am learning so much about these people who always seemed to have kinda surrounded me. Besides, I learn more about myself and it feels like therapy. You name all I have felt about narcissists, but never could have pointed out myself. I was in the fog ...you bring the light. Amazing, really. Thank you,

I was right! I felt like one person was stealing my identity, but everyone told me I'm overreacting. But they will probably believe me when it happens to them. I hope it doesn't happen to them. It's a scary experience.

The structure must be dismantled, and the wounded child within must be faced, confronting the deep-seated wounds that have long been buried. Healing requires courage to endure the discomfort and awkwardness of suppressed emotions, stemming from early experiences. It demands self-awareness and a genuine desire for transformation.

This video and its contents is the icing on the cake !!!

This was very informative! You’ve put so much of my life into perspective. I’m so glad I left both my parents in my past where they belong.

My ex told me on separate occasions that he’s never had his heart broken, and that he thinks all his exes are secretly still in love with him. I ended up leaving him, and I think it wounded him, but obviously it didn’t break his heart. Because he doesn’t have one.

I had a neighbor who had a serious problem coping me, and accused me of coping her; It was very scary I had to move far away from that toxic sick woman.

Awesome explanation thank you HG😊

This is excellent and deep level Information regarding Narcissistic behavior. I learned a lot. This information shows how pathologically complex NPD is and with the disorder being so complex no wonder they do not changed. Its ingrained so tightly within their personality. Thank you so much H.G.

They will even make out that they had those character traits long before they met you and that you, in fact, have acquired them from them.

In the love bombing stage, I saw my narc sociopath ex waving though a window at me WEARING MY CLOTHES. I thought it was odd but kind of endearing at the time, but over 10 years later, 6 of those without him, and still trying to heal, but still collapsed and isolated and still feeling deep pain and grief, I realize what that was about. I asked him what attracted him about me. He said he just listened to me speak ( at a mutual friends house). I was flatterred. Now I know he was gathering things close to me so he could mirror them back, and to learn what was important to me, and my vulnerable places.

I knew this was happening on a certain subconscious level, i.e. feeling like I was slowly being consumed over time. But it is validating to hear it being clearly explained in this way.

My ex husband dumbs himself down to pass as a hillbilly bluegrass musician. No joke. And it works 🤢

Shards of glass...in "The Snow Queen" the demon smashes a mirror which he created, which distorts the perception of everyone who looks into it. A piece of glass penetrates Hans' heart, making everything which he once loved look ugly.

Fascinating! I've noticed (only in women for some reason) some of my family members do something I've called personality absorption. Acquiring a friends/partners political beliefs or hobbies.

Lol I’ve seen all of these behaviors from different ppl throughout my lifetime 🤣 wow this explains a lot. Great video as usual Hg 😊

Beautiful explanation. I saw this from the narc and questioned the narc as to why I was never given credit for my ideas that she passed on as hers and never given credit for purchases that I made for her that people praised her for. Wow!

This is upsetting. No one has a right to pieces of me.

Very interesting. I've been diagnosed with the "quiet" subtype of BPD. I also engage in character trait acquisition. For me, the choice to acquire a trait is almost always conscious and intentional, but I only realized why I feel the need to do so relatively recently. I would also never feel confident enough to play off another person's recent specific experience (e.g. vacation) as my own. Even the thought of trying makes me feel too anxious that I'd be seen through. Otoh, appropriating subtler things like mannerisms, opinions, politics, hobbies, manners of speech, worldviews, etc have tended to serve me well. A fascinating example of similar yet markedly different cluster B behaviours.

This happened to me… my husband now loves doing yard work, he never did before! Told me one day the trees look like broccoli, something I told him years ago!

What a great resource this channel is because for those that have had relationships with a narcissist whether it be a mother a husband a child just hearing this information we solidifies how really dangerous it is to be involved with a narcissist I’ve had my fair share therapy is the best way to counter a narcissist includes also healthy boundaries

We all do this, though, don’t we? To a degree we all emulate bits and pieces of character traits of the people we are around in our lives. Ways of speaking, mannerisms, etc...

My ex boyfriend (mid-ranger) actually told me one day, out of the blue, that he has a tendency to tell other people's stories as his own. Seriously folks, at that point it was so surreal to me that I ...ignored it. I couldn't comprehend it. Now, thanks to HG, I'm finally sure that he REALLY meant it. Gross.Brrr...

I think I worked with somebody with NPD, or at least who was narcissistic as a person. She was a partner of one of the bosses (my father in law) at the time, although thankfully no more! She used to put people down constantly when they weren't around, turning them against eachother. She lied constantly to make herself look good or to get sympathy (via a long list of pretend ailments). She told me she had cancer at my wedding while smirking after a few wines, then denied saying it a few weeks later. She wasn't clever enough to not trip herself up, she contradicted herself a lot. I caught her taking credit for a document I created to another colleague while I was sat at the next desk. She realised after she'd said it that I was sat right there and then corrected herself. My colleagues had a collection for our baby when she was born and she then kept it saying she was saving it until we had her christened. We never got her christened and she never gave us the money for our daughter. I could go on and on..... I wasted far too much time complaining about her to my husband, she frustrated me so much!

They can “try” to copy me. You can’t copy energy, presence, inner light.

Omg my narc ex literally told me: you are smart, but I am smarter 😅 that’s such a dumb thing to say! Also, it was hilarious to hear that from a man who believes a range of insane conspiracy theories 😂😂

Blimey brilliant explanation.

BANG ON HG!....MY NARC SISTER STOLE A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF MEMORIBILIA OF A HEROIC ACCOMPLISHMENT IN MY LIFE...

I noticed this from people around me... But what I find puzzling is why try to discredit me or make it seem like I'm the one copying?

Thank you for this information. Much appreciated.

My ex-husband used character trait acquisition all the time. Thank you for this helpful insight. As an aside, there a difference between subconscious and unconscious. People don’t make decisions when they’re unconscious. They make decisions with their subconscious. There is a distinction and it should be noted.

I'm empath but dumb myself down for interaction with the family who reacts weird if I seem capable, knowledgeable, attractive, well off or anything positive. It's immediate rejection if I don't

Whoah .. this is accurate .. frightening accurate.. for every video I watch another box is checked as yes this happened too ... dangerous people .. I’m relieved my eyes are now open

Thank you very much for this video, sir. I was patiently waiting for you to answer the question about character traits. What you said perfectly explains the most weird experience I had with a narcissist. I had a rare chance to know, how he used my traits and ideas, to impress others, to search for new supply. After the relationships were over, I researched his past and former victims, and I was stunned to see all the chunks he took from them for his fake persona he presented to me in the beginning. They were literally big pieces of their personalities, like spiritual views, hobbies etc. It is truly amazing to witness such a phenomenon first hand. I literally felt towards the end that he is an abyss that has a great capacity to mirror and absorb. I don't hold a grudge against him. I could see that he is a VERY disturbed human being, and I have a compassion for that. If I may ask... Would you please consider making a video about what the True Self of the narcissist is like?.. It would be the most interesting subject to know.

Thank you. Listening from Alaska.

Take take take that is what on narcissist menu list . Thank you HG 👤

Understanding fashion, though not narcissism, I noticed Meghan Markle wore a hotchpotch of Princess Diana (mainly), Duchess of Cambridge, Kim Kardashian, Ivanka Trump and Angelina Jolie's looks. She crushes on someone's wardrobe, but her copies are so exact, it looks weird and embarrassing. I think there is a difference between 'take inspiration from' and 'make a carbon copy of.' I can predict what direction she is taking next by who's look she is currently stealing. Some people inhabit their clothes, but I always get the impression she is wearing a costume, one that can be quickly discarded.

Once HG has completed his fuel acquisition, knowledge vault compilation. He will discard us for a even greater ipps.

This NPD trait is the most irritating, and horrifying. Especially when they are pedophiles and or into bestiality.

So accurate in your descriptions of aquiring character traits.I still find it the most uncomfortable issue they have.The narcissist has been advised by the Antisocial department to leave us alone but that is impossible for them.Today we cleared our front garden and the narcissist and minions hung over the wall watching.You could feel the piercing eyes taking in everything about you.My son who was helping me noticed her pschopathic son having an urgent need to examine their shed roof which he used to sit on the apex to watch what we were up to.My son wanted to invite him in so he could have a better look but I told him the pitfalls of that action.They live in hope that their attacks will make us sell and leave the property for them.Next minute the narcissist reappears as a version of me only older.My son laughs and I shake my head at him.Last week I put up some lights around my conservatories for brightening the dark nights and also to keep the pschopath from late night trips into my garden.He is neither frightened by security cameras or the police.On closer inspection I see that the climb onto the shed roof was also to put up lights like mine, only more of them and we now look like Disney World at night.It might be fun to keep up the idea that we're moving and then at the moment they expect the removal van,say no,I've changed my mind.But I have learned from HG Tudor, not to kick the hornet's nest although I seem to achieve that just by existing.

Well,thank you for this excellent video.I now have the answer as to why the narcissist would go back indoors and come out again mirroring whatever colour of clothing I had chosen.Next it was changing the hairstyle to mine.The one copycat issue I found difficult was, she even tried out whatever conversation I had used when thanking someone or when complementing a friend.I used to think she was being facitious but now I realise she was trying to adopt my persona as hers.Thankfully it stopped as she started mirroring the Santa toy that appears to be small until you pull it upwards to its full height.Once it's in that mode it's all legs in zig zag patterned tights.She rounded off this vision with huge size 8 pink shoes.I take it the Ultra doesn't suffer in this way.

Your description of Boris if our detective Columbo in a nutshell.

The smashed mirror is an excellent discription. I see underneath, felt folish I didn't see many years ago But didn't have you educating me back then. Their need to punish others is sick. They will never meet you in the middle. Watch their actions you'll see it doesn't match their words.

I had trouble understanding what the term character traits acquisition meant. I'm blown away how you can explain such a complex theory so well. If I understood correctly it's not mimicking but more like stealing. The more I listen the more I question if I'm a low level narcissistic. My father, brother and sister are. Probably not but possibility must be considered.

Why not create your own combo of experiences and traits? Is it sheer laziness? An inherent lack of creativity? Fear of getting it wrong?

During devaluation, I noticed Mrs.Narc change. She was never political, but suddenly became a 3rd wave feminist eco warrior, just like her , "girlfriend."

This explains why the guy I used to work with always seemed so disingenuous. I can feel Intuitively that something wasn’t right about him. It was like he would feed off whatever someone else was saying and then Regurgitate back what they were saying to ACT like he was smart and was following along in the Conversations WHEN IN REALITY HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT WE WERE EVER TALKING ABOUT

That used to baffle me. People getting so upset that they cannot buy the same blouse or pair of shoes as me because I bought it in France, and sometimes I bought it 10 years ago, and you wouldn't be able to find it again. People turning up with glasses (which they don't need, i.e. they just have a frame and lenses that leave their eyesight as it is) because I had an eyetest and bought a new pair of glasses, or because I tried to get a day off work (using my holiday allowance) in order to have an eye test. I even had managers and landladies (who are much better off than me) get jealous at my clothes, shoes, glasses, crockery etc. I could be an influence on TikTok or Instagram.

Brilliant explanation 👏

Thanks... very interesting HG

This was tremendously helpful to me HG. Thank you for responding.

So the very people who were overly-critical of my characteristics were secretly adopting them behind my back? The same people who were shaming me for my qualities took them on themselves? I believe that it might be human nature to absorb some of the qualities of people we're around constantly, but when you talk about it in this way, it makes me feel violated and grossed out.

During the devaluation period when I apologised to the Narcissist for getting emotional and he used an empathetic statement to soothe me, copying one word for word that I'd said to him a few weeks previously. Problem was, it didn't quite fit in the context of the conversation we were having, so it came across as robotic and unnerving. He must have remembered it thinking "that could come in handy" on another occasion, perhaps he forgot which supply had said it.

Brilliant, just BRILLIANT. All your videos. Thanks! So much! Seeing the patterns takes their power away. I am so relieved! I found many of those patterns and am now seeing this in your videos like a beautiful acknowledgement of my experience and my findings. And for many things, you have words to those things that were often a vague idea of what is happening. Words to make it more real and to reveal the underlying dynamics. Beautiful. Thanks so much! And the presentation is hilarious, so funny, so cool. Thanks so much, again! :-D If I had one question, it would probably be, what is the fuel for the empath? Why is the empath getting in there? I always thought that somehow this is a game played by two, not one.

My partner opened up to me about how it seemed to her. She said she was compelled to build a kind of tomb around her targets so she could drain and copy them, and take everything they have. Then they would fade into grey shades who might not even be real but she had to keep them all locked in their tombs because they might haunt her. She did say something about using them as adverts or placards, I can't remember exactly what it was.

I actually did all those things in Rome, Florence and Venice, except go up the Spanish stairs, I was too tired. I just settled for some gelato around the corner :)

This is one of the best videos to explain how the character trait acquisition works. This stuff is Erie, you live to take other people's character traits, that's what makes them uniquely them, & here you come want to take them apply them to your broken down character & make you look better, this some real jacked up Matrix kind of poop. I work with this guy & we work in Customer Service & he has stolen my skills on how I speaker on the phones, no he speaks & handles the customer just like me, & there's not a lot you can do about it. This blows my mind that someone is so damaged that they need to steal your character traits to make them feel whole or better then they are.....broken adults... This is some weird shit,

Flecks of glitter for the construct! ✨✨✨

HG nailed it about Boris! I get it now!

I knew instinctively he was using me yo be a better person but not that it was to improve his fake self. I thought he wanted to be a real person finally.

It kind of like an impressionist who can perfectly mimic a dozen or more completely different celebrities.

Interesting video. It explains things more clearly as to character traits and how they are acquired.

HG of the house of Tudor, My desire is to glean as much information from you. To understand and apply your erudite insights. I appreciate how candid you are about all things narcissistic. I can relate to being a cerebral narcissist. I have an IQ of 139.( I could have said 140 but I wanted to be honest and humble.) I am a student of psychology and I know the work of Carl Jung. I've also tested as an INFJ on the Myers Briggs type indicator.(which is a pseudoscience and is as valid as an astrological sign.) I was greatly amused by taking the test. I decided to interact with others on Quora.What did I discover? A forum filled to the brim with overt and covert narcissism. Later I was invited to be a contributor on NEW.Which is a forum for victims of narcissistic abuse. The truth is we all have some form/levels of narcissism. Whether we are histrionic, have BPD, psychopaths,sociopaths or well meaning altruistic INFJs. I believe that it starts with self examination. Ask yourself the hard questions and you won't be self deceived.

That was scary shit. He became me to swoon the new IPPS. Creepy to see him have my identity walking away. Shivers. Even my vocabulary. Dumbed down country boy when I met him and a well groomed BMW driver wearing aftershave being vegan n esoteric man after he left. He claimed he hated my esoteric and luxury lifestyle yet left w my character amd lifestyle. Shivers. House trucks money assets everything else too. Damn I was a such a love starved dumb ass looking back. I was married to a stranger I didn't ever know. He used to tell me he'd make a great criminal and I use to laugh thinking he was a simple country boy. Him telling me he had anger problems amd dreams of killing infants but beat the inner anger after watching his grampa commit suicide I just thought he was a sad empath who suffered trauma tragedy. Someone who says they dreamt of killing infants??? Wtf was I even thinking? I WASNT. THATS THE STUPIDITY. IM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. Damn I was a dumb ass.

This why I hate make up my mom thinks I'm HER😩 Everyone say we twins. This guy told me I'll be the first pick on his team. 😩😂

Fascinating

Great video and explanation HG. You don't get this type of explanation and info from other RU-vidrs 🙂

Fascinating as always HG. Can you please do a vid on the fall of the construct- the narcissistic collapse as it is sometimes referred to. Thanks in advance HG.

What I don’t quite understand about acquisition of character traits is, that don’t we all do this to an extent? Aren’t we all an amalgam of all the people we have met and spent time with? Our character is influenced by everyone we meet in one way or another surely? 🤔

"It" used to try to copy me when I was doing artwork, despite having no artistic skills whatsoever. He got himself a college place while I was waiting to start mine, despite having no evidence of having completed his GCSEs, only to feign a nervous breakdown on the first day to get himself out of it while getting a whole load of sympathy and attention. He then followed that with actively trying to interfere with/sabotage both, because he couldn't just "acquire" what I had without actually doing any work! He even copied things I would say, down to the intonation - it was extremely irritating and creepy, but I had no idea that this is what he was doing until I finally got rid of him for good!

Thank you I'm listening to every single thing that you have made since the last time I escaped

I will be honest here. My wife actually told me she doesn’t love and doesn’t get emotions. My wife of 20 years. I defended her for 20 years.

H.G my brother is clearly a narcissist. He tells friends & family members he loves me so much & only wants the best for me but what I don’t understand is that every time, EVERY TIME, he sees me he literally screams out “WHORE”! He only does this when I’m by myself & even when I’m with my kids but never in front of anyone else. It’s embarrassing & it makes my little ones cry! Help PLEASE!!

All Narccatic men or women hv magnificent voices good sales reps for companys

My ex told me he had been a lot of different men during his life. He was not into materialistic things. Rather, he talked about how he could live with very, very little. Wanted me to live in an RV out in the middle of nowhere across the road from his sister. He, unlike what you have described in this video, would almost belittle the fact that I had been to Rome and France. Make me feel like it was ridiculous that I went to Cancun and on a cruise to Belize. He never one time asked me anything about my job, I am an interpreter for the deaf. I've had complete strangers show an interest but not my husband of 9 months. His utter lack of interest signifies what?