Chris Stuckmann's Empty Review of 2023 | EFAP Highlight 

Happy New Year, everyone! Minor update after my previous post: due to last minute complications with hours at my day job, the original plan of getting five videos/shorts out per week may not be feasible for the time being, but is still something I'm shooting for in the future. I've got a small backlog of content that will come out regularly for the next couple weeks at least, and hopefully the situation at work will be fixed up quickly. If not, we'll keep to about 2-3 videos a week, with highlights from the latest episodes following the day after an episode premiers. Thanks for watching!

I went to the Cinema. It was nice. Chris Stuckmann - 2023

Only with EFAP can we have a 93 minute long highlight.

Can we all agree that RLM's benign joke from years ago broke Stuckmann's brain on a molecular level

The sad part is Stuckman use to be more brutal about reviews then he started "making" his own movie and became a sellout cause he felt conflicted about critiquing other Director's films.

Leave him alone!! HE'S JUST HERE TO MAKE 𝓕𝓲𝓵𝓶𝓼 ˚‧º·(˃̣̣̥o˂̣̣̥)‧º·

Chris Stuckmann really is the perfect example of someone coasting on a perceived image people have of him rather than what he actually is.

Using superflous adjectives to pad out the word count is Chris Stuckman's only joy.

It never ceases to amaze me how much content EFAP gets out of Stuckmann when he never says anything.

Chris Stuckmann's review is what you used to get on the back of VHS tapes

Chris Stuckman’s face should be put next to the words “monotone”, “inoffensive”, and “lukewarm”. I have never seen someone say so much, and yet not make a single worthwhile comment quite like this individual.

"Hamlet is a play by William Shakespeare, it doth make me feel emotions that hath not been present since I watched the last Shakespeare play. Anyway jester, next ditty for the next review!"- Chris Stuckmann, c.1600

Barbenheimer proved that people are willing to go to more than one movie in a month. If the film industry is so weak that movies can fail because another movie came out within a couple weeks, then there is a serious problem there.

I remember when Chris Stuckmann was actually a good film critic but when he said he wasn’t gonna be so “negative” about movies anymore just so he can get into the industry, I just kinda lost respect for him for that. He just seemed to suck off every film he reviews and then just comes across very snobby, and I noticed he’s not really part of the audience anymore. Shame really.

So, on the obnoxious 7 seconds of stock music with a still image. In a good video, you'd have 7 seconds of the best clips, action scenes, a collage of some kind of the things that represent the movie while the music is playing. The fact that he only had a still image every time and did it 10+ times is so irritating. As bad as the singing transitions were in the Nostalgia Critic LOTR review, at least they had some cringy comedic value. This is even worse.

Stuckmann spent more time talking about his video sponsor than any of the movies on this list

Chris Stuckmann is a person with a RU-vid channel.

Chris has turned into the Homer Simpson of reviews. Remember the episode where Homer becomes a food critic, but he likes everything so the whole of Springfield gets fat. That’s now Chris, he’s become such a cooperate shill, that he won’t criticise anything, so now his audience are happy to watch absolute 💩

It's patently obvious Stuckmann just does this for a paycheck these days.

We shouldn't be surprised that Chris Stuckmann has such a big following, we should be baffled how hundreds of thousands of people can't realise that he's been basically saying nothing for years.

The First Slam Dunk was actually a banger pick, but dang he has nothing to say

I almost died laughing when they called his entire review of Oppenheimer and then he proceeded to say every bullet point they predicted! 😂

Lots of pathetic people defending Stuckmans laziness here.

Chris Stuckman is like the blurbs on the back of a blu ray box that nobody reads trying to hook you with catch phrases like “An action packed Thrill ride tour de force that will make you laugh and cry”. He might as well just say “this is a movie where things happen on the screen, a story is told, and the characters go on a journey”. It says nothing.

was hilarious listening to this live, i have efap on while biking and kept bursting out laughing.

We need a Highlight of MauLer reading out Stuckmann book as well, because that was unexpectedly hilarious.

In/Frame/Out just released his honorable mentions and dishonorable mentions video (i.e, the films that didn't make his best and worst list). And IFO somehow went more in depth on his runners up than Chris Stuckmann did on the films that actually made his best list. Also, love seeing Chris Gore here. Hope he appears in future EFAPs.

For me The First Slam Dunk was definitely up there for me. Granted I feel you need to be familiar with the franchise a bit. If you are a fan of the series you'll absolutley enjoy the movie. Its structured like a full length basketball game with intense buzzer beaters, rebounds, crunch time, ball saves and passes and 3 pointers. It's very grounded and the rotoscoping at first felt strange but you get a feel for it when the game kicks off. Throughout the game they give you flashbacks of a character from the team that didnt get a lot of exposure in the anime and so felt very welcoming for old fans. Only gripe is that the main character from the series takes a backseat as a supporting character. Apart from that is was an excellent cinema experience with incredible visuals and heart pounding game moments. Its like watching a Game 7 Finals game but with high schoolers playing. Stuckmann doesn't sell this movie at all. If I had never heard of Slam Dunk and watched this No1 pick I wouldnt have cared. Where is this guy's passion?

He really shouldve gone in more detail about Slam Dunk. Its a very impactful anime/manga series that was an insanely high seller even during the era of Yu Yu Hakasho and Dragon Ball being released. A lot of amazing anime series came out this yeat but man he barely describes these movies at all.

Metal slowly loosing his mind after every title card is the only thing that brings me joy!

Bread, milk, tomatoes..... my grocery list is more interesting than his video.

Always good to see more from you Wolf. keep up the great work. Hope life is treating you well.

I think clipping the end of that EFAP, where the crew talk about RU-vid's abysmal copyright system, would make for a good highlight.

I petition for the EFAP crew to only refer to Chris Stuckmann as "Stuck-Man", said only in the tone that Christopher Reeves calls Gene Hackman "Hack-Man" in that season seven episode of South Park.

I gave up on Stuckmann after he lied to us about The Last Jedi I feel like I've somehow both missed a lot and nothing at all

This top list reminds me of 'Gaming in the Clinton years' due to how Stuckmann just says NOTHING useful and informative about his picks

This highlight skips Stuckmann’s “Notable mentions” list, where it literally just mentions the movie…. While leaving in the parts that FEELS like they should be on the “Notable mentions” level is descriptions. Just goes to show that Stuckmann’s video was as shallow as an evaporating puddle

This is a movie. An actor is in it. Some events occur. You could watch it.

I knew he was full of shit when he praised the last jedi

There was a time when Stuckman had excitement and love for cinema pre-2016. But it was in 2016 that something just changed and he became boring.

When he refused to review Sound of Freedom It felt weird considering he reviews most things that come out and resorts to retro reviews during dry spells. Then he made a video about parents in movies and it was kind of like wtf is going on here. Kind of lost respect for his as a movie reviewing channel if he decides avoid movies for seemingly political reasons. He didn't even have to give it a positive review and just say its a taken clone.

Never understood the “hype” around Stuckmann. He is not charismatic. His delivery is dull, soulless, and monotone. All of his film reviews are “corporate-approved” safe. Nothing he says makes me actually want to watch anything.

"Oh hey, a new highlight to kick off the year! Wonder what Wolf's whipped up for us today--" *1:23:25* "...Yep, 2024's gonna be a _good_ one!"

I get the distinct impression that Stuckmann so desperately wants to set an example of going exceedingly easy on films because he wants everyone to go as easy (if not more so) on his. As an aside....is this guy on Lithium?

I was about to say I'm shocked that Indiana Jones: DOD wasn't on his list since he liked it so much, but then I remembered he's spineless and realized since it was so hated by everyone else he shouldn't put it in.

Today I learned that Rags can talk more in depth about types of note paper, than Stuckers can say about a movie.

DUUUUUUUDE hearing Wolf's voice at the end made me tear up, love you man, I'm very happy just to hear you. Hope you are ok, and doing very good.

Metal's voice coming out of Mauler lol

This dude has millions of subscribers

Chris "Rey is a great character" Stuckman.

the highlights are slowly approaching the length of the actual streams they're from

"Mootleburg dying inside at every interlude gives me life, ironic" - Sheev 'Cream Supreme' Palpatine

The sad thing is that there will be comments under this video that contain more content than one of Stuckmann's reviews. Hell, this might even be one of them.

I stopped watching Chris Stuckmann videos when he stopped giving movies a rating. Like, from that point on, everything was just empty phrases. Meaningless content for me. Nothing to grasp.... Also I discovered he tends to spoil WAAAY too much about a movie in his reviews, especially if it matters and you should actually be more careful with it....

that's why i only trust jeremy jahn. JJ just comes off like a..........dude. just a regular ass dude.

It's impressive that Suckmann can talk me out of enjoying a movie I've seen and enjoyed. I pray his fans see a real review of dream scenario

People understimate basketball animes, for some reason there's several of them and they are all rated pretty high Chicks go absolutely nuts over them

Chris Stuckmann sounds like he's reading a script constantly. There's just no joy in his voice ever. He lacks emotions. He never sounds excited, sad, angry, etc. He just sounds like a teenager who's faking being depressed even when he's praising things. Also, John Wick 4 is the best one in the series. It'll be the worst one in the series if John Wick is brought back from the dead though.

Despite Stuckman's idiocy, Suzume is a fantastic film

Chris Stuckmann has basically become so nutless at this point that it's become a clown show. Back in the day, even in the same year where he made that Blade Runner video, he at least had some bite to him when he verbally trashed films like Resident Evil: The Final Chapter and The Emoji Movie. Nowadays, there's no useful insights from him whatsoever about any piece of cinema which he talks about, because we just know now that he won't say anything negative about a film when negative insights toward something are how we're able to decipher what makes a film like Godzilla Minus One so good and why a film like The Flash is a colossal pile of crap.

hearing wolf's voice again is just heavenly

To answer Rags' remark on Star Wars being retitled "A New Hope," George Lucas had always wanted to call the original 1977 film "A New Hope", as an homage to the old film serials of the 1930s, like Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers. There is even a draft dated January, 1976 that has the new hope subtitle on it. However, since the film's budget came from Fox themselves, they insisted that the film was just called Star Wars because they felt it would've confused the audience had it been titled the fourth part of an ongoing story.

The words "Empty platitudes" and "Mindless catch phrases" spring to mind. To quote from Lawrence of Arabia, which Chris would use his originality to call "epic" and "sprawling", "You answered without saying anything. That's politics."

Lol, hes gotten so terrible the last fee years. Especially since he decided he was a director and refuses to be critical of movies. Now his "reviews" are just a 2 minute waste of time.

Im convinced that Stuckman is entirely made of Soy at this point.

Unpopular opinion here…. I don’t like Chris Stuckman and would not have ever even heard of who he is if it wasn’t through EFAP…. and also I don’t find anything about him entertaining or memorable whatsoever (not even in a bad way so I really don’t get this EFAP obsession with him but whatever you guys are entertaining anyways) and have no idea in the world how he got to be as popular as he is so this definitely isn’t praise for him personally…. however I myself do find value and appreciate videos/ reviews/ lists like this. Sometimes when I want to watch a movie and don’t know what to watch a list like this filled with movies I never heard of and just a blurb about a little of what I can expect is all Im looking for… Im not looking for a 7 hour unbridled rage detailing every aspect in the world about the movie before I even watch it. I can make up my own mind about what I enjoy or not. Also nothing about this comment means I don’t appreciate or even prefer Mauler style long ass detailed reviews…. But those kind of reviews don’t do anything to help me decide if I should watch a movie or not… I find them entertaining just to watch him rip a movie apart that I will never watch or to compare how he feels about a movie compared to how I do if I already saw it. I am only 20 minutes in and down to number 9 on the list and there are already 3 movies I never heard of in my life… had zero idea whatsoever that they existed, and now want to see. And Im glad I don’t have some moron exposition dumping for 15 minutes about what he likes about or intuits his own personal opinion about the themes of the movie. My point is there is a place for stuff like this. Chris Stuckman may still be a miserable uninteresting hack who shouldn’t even be doing this… Fine. I don’t disagree. But to shit on a review when it’s not even really a review but a top end of year list for not going into detail about what he liked about the action in Mission Impossible or the sound design in that Zone of interest movie to me just makes zero sense. Not every single style of review in the world has to be like that.

Stuckman sounds like harrison ford when hes asked a question about star wars.

Even his cells are so unmotivated that he looks like he's melting. His atoms don't have the motivation to resist gravity.

I have respect for Chris as a person…but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t being lazy with each video he makes. He seems he has nothing left personally or passionate left to say about film and storytelling, only is there to be a mouthpiece to replace a movie trailer.

He wants physical media to thrive so he can have people see his name quoted in the back of the covers. "White knuckling." "Edge of your seat." "It made me cry."

So, Stuckman was kind of my gateway into the more relevant critics (like Mauler and Drinker, etc...). I got to a point where I just wasn't getting anything from his revues, or all I had to do was check which of his facial expressions was on his thumbnail and I knew exactly how the video would go. I don't know if he still does Hillariosity? Those I liked, but he slowed down on those and I haven't checked his channel in years. I like the long form essay style Mauler and EFAP (I think the Soma review was the first Mauler content I watched and it was awesome!). Also, for anyone who watched Stuckman a while back, I found it kind of weird/funny how it seemed like every movie he was getting more and more tatted.

Chris is such a soulless person. The fact that he’s making a movie is hilarious.

Hey Wolf, listened to the entire highlight and at the end I was surprised to hear.... you. It was like hearing and old friend's voice over the phone for the first time in years.

Chris Stuckmann made tattoos officially cringe.

Suzume was a good movie.

Never realized how insanely monotone Chris is. I used to enjoy his reviews way back, I don’t even remember which review it was, but something he said made me not watch him anymore. I had forgotten he existed until this recent drama

So American fiction is Vaush if he was as trapped as Dylan Mulvaney?

You've become bullies, congrats, guys.

I'M JUST HERE TO MAKE _Comments_

He sounds completely dead inside.

" this film had actors...and was in the cinema" Chris Stuckmann

I remember a few years ago, one of my friends started talking about youtube reviewers. Anyway, he mentioned the Stuck was his favourite. All I said was, "Can you tell me anything that he has said about anything?" I have never seen someone have a realisation so quickly.

The movie critic too insecure to critique movies

Chris Stuckman of old would never put Barbie as his top 15

What’s annoying about it is that he doesn’t go into detail about Slam Dunk which was a great movie. Like good sports movies make you want to play the sport and slam dunk made me pick up basketball as a kid after reading it. Dude talks about movies like old school game boxes advertising things in the game “amazing inventory that holds 15 items?! Wow!”

The second he said he was going to go easy on films, was the moment I dropped him. I still really like Jeremy Jahns, though.

Stuckman doesn't criticize movies because he makes them now is his whole schtick.

as much as I do not like Chris Stuckman you chaps are entirely too proud of your own insipid critiques

the video is so bad, he wastes so much time in-between the picks

I think I've listened to this entire video 2-3 times now thanks to autoplay. I have no regrets.

I think being in the Jehovah's Witnesses since childhood permanently damaged Chris' brain.

I’m a pretty big anime fan but Gary had the exact same reaction to me when I first saw the synopsis of Suzume 😂 I need to know how they even write a romance with a premise like that. If nothing else it has to be a step up from the one in Inukai-san’s Dog between a girl and a desk…

To be fair... Slam Dunk is dope.

"this is a film by so-and-so that involves a chair..." - little platoon - still better than anything modern disney has ever come up with...

John wick 4 is as good as mission impossible dead reckoning which is as good as fallout.

Jeremy at least did a WORST of the year list. He reviewed sound of freedom when most others wouldn’t touch it for fear of pushback (somehow?)… Chris is a HORROR FANATIC….currently processing his own horror debut. Correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t think he put a single horror film in this list. Not Talk To Me, not Cobweb, nothing. Disappointing to me tbh

what happened to chris stuckman? he is making this half ass lame critiques... i really dont know why he changed so much

40:14 I like this part because it is funny.

Both Shin Godzilla & Godzilla: Minus One are easily the best of the modern Godzilla films if not the best in the entire franchise. To me, Godzilla: Minus One was the best film I’ve seen in 2023 and it was mainly due to the story & characters. You feel sorry for Koichi throughout the film and the people surrounding him are likable & interesting, something which is severely lacking in the Monsterverse films which I honestly do not count as true Godzilla films. It’s also been 7 years since we got another proper Toho Godzilla film since Shin Godzilla which in between that time frame we got from Netflix both the anime film trilogy & the anime streaming series Singular Point, which were both very questionable in quality.

Its like he used a text to speech AI to mimic his voice reciting an AI abriged version of a ChatGPT script. And he wants to make films? I wouldnt let him near a throwaway script, much less an actual movie