COGNITIVE DISTORTION #9 of 10: The Control Fallacy (For INFJs and Everyone!) 

I appreciate any and all support! ❣ JOIN! ru-vid.comjoin THE BOOK! www.amazon.com/Caretaker-David-J-Badurina/dp/B08N5MX3N8 AUTOGRAPHED COPIES! www.davidbadurina.com BUY ME A CUP O' COFFEE? venmo.com/dbadurina_author | paypal.me/dbadurina THE SOCIALS! instagram.com/dbadurina_author facebook.com/author.dbadurina

Thank you so much for your effort and honest heaer that you put into these videos.. I learn a lot from you each time. 20 year old INFJ here. ❤️

This is where I suck. Since I was a kid I just wanna help people. I gave my winter boots to a poor girl and spent the winter in running shoes.For me it’s not a control issue, so much as a character flaw. I have been hurt and taken advantage of. I have a handle on my problem but that came with age and many tears. I don’t want to control anybody...however I still have to take out all the “ trash” that’s controlling me.. The world is an ugly place.: problem, I like my character flaw and I don’t want to be “ ugly “ too.🇨🇦🇸🇮🤗

I totally agree. I do feel that sometimes people push our boundaries and make us develop a tougher shell with age. Life experience comes with a price that we cannot comprehend at all. Much barter, HEY no drama. BYE!!!!! Thanks for this great insight David. Forever in your corner.😁

I hope and strive for the people in my life can count on me to meet them where they are; holding space for them. The best I can offer my near and dear is a nudge to consider the direction they will choose to go in and check in if those steps are improving their movement toward their decisions. If they don’t want those levels of their lives opened up we don’t go there. Sometimes an outside perspective helps and sometimes it offers a wall to more firmly entrench someone in a pattern that might not be making them happy. I have my needs/wants in my environment that help me be more healthy and productive and I’ve had to speak up to institute holding space for myself but I don’t identify with being described as pushy or controlling… except by my preteen. Consistency in enforcing our house rules occupies a different strata. 🙄🤫😏

I find this point difficult to understand I think. I do tend to feel over responsible for people and events but then I find my self being resentful for having to be responsible, or using catastrophizing to find away to this inevitably being my responsibility. I get angry that I feel responsible for a situation and then lack the control to deal with it. I'm starting to recognize it when it starts happening and truing to remind my self that these things are not in my control or responsibility. Hopefully I get a hold of this one day.

I’ve countered a few control types. As soon as I hear “you have to….”, brakes screech in my head & my response is either “I don’t recall my last name being the same as yours” or “I don’t see a ring on my finger”. Usually hushes him up. I think it’s my generation where men think they are in charge, probably an observation from their childhood. Loving these videos David!!!❤️

The force is week with this one.

Fabulous!!!

A little close to the bone for me. I have spent many of my 45 years under the control illusion and as such it is hard to break free. I am working on myself though and it is going well. Of course, videos like this help so thankyou

🤗🌞🌻

I was raised to always put others first. Especially when it came to being raised in Christianity. That acronym JOY always made me feel uncomfortable. And that’s because it stands for: Jesus, Others, and You. You put yourself last. But really, you don’t pay attention to yourself. Everything you are, you are just forced to push it to the side. What I’ve learned from my personal experience in Christianity, is that you, yourself does not matter. Nothing you do matters. Nothing you are matters. Especially if it’s not for the glory of god. On that note; as an artist, I was constantly told that I have to use my art for the glory of god. And if I draw anything else, it was from the devil. I especially remember this being really damaging as a child liking the art style of anime/manga. Sometimes I would ask people what they think about my drawings hoping to get some constructive criticism that I could use to become better and whenever I drew it, some of the most common responses I got were: looks of disappointment and or fear. Literally being told either privately or publicly that the art style I choose to focus on is of the devil and that I should stop drawing it. And being lectured on others experiences of demons and such to scare me into no longer wanting to draw what I liked. Nothing I did seemed to help either. No matter how much I tried to explain why I liked it, I was sometimes just straight up told I was going to hell because of my art style. Because of this I pretty much quit drawing for about 3 years before deciding that I wanted to draw again. And when I did draw again, I kept it to myself. Scared that it would bring up those terrifying responses again. Now, I’m extremely guarded over my art and let only trusted people see it. It’s sickening that people would do that just to keep their control of me. That they would do that to a child just looking for help to improve their art. But recently, I’ve decided that it was best for me yo no longer believe in Christianity. So I don’t believe anymore. And that has been the most freeing thing I’ve experienced yet. I no longer fee constricted. I no longer am being controlled. Now, I get to focus on myself. I can focus on bettering myself. I am striving to become a character artist despite everything I’ve faced. And even though it won’t be easy, I will get there. I don’t need that stupid controlling religion to get me there. All religion has done for me, is hold me back. And I’m no longer letting that happen. So I know all that was mostly out of no where, but I wanted to share a little experience that related to me wanting to take my own control back and to finally be able to freely focus on myself again without fear due to how I was raised. I was told I didn’t mater. But I now know that was a lie. Now, I am focusing on myself, hence my goal. So I’m taking what I’ve learned as a lesson and trying to improve upon myself in my own way. Without the controlling presence of the church. So that’s my complex thoughts on this. Hope it wasn’t too much..😅 Loved the video by the way! (^ ^)