I have disorganized attachment. It was always as the professor says, that I simply never knew how my father would react or act towards me. There was no strategy that I could just use that could always work. One day he was normal more or less, next day he acted such an alien, incomprehensible, unfamiliar, sometimes frightening ways. He is a Narcissist.
Anyway, besides the lot negative, it does have positive effects in adult life. I break contact with toxic, unreliable people a lot sooner than others do.
Me too. Both of my parents were so unpredictable. In the end, I pushed away the care because it was too painful not knowing when I’d get it again. I’m useless at relationships as an adult. I tend to choose partners who emulate the push pull/unpredictable and abusive dynamic I grew up with. It’s really sad. I’m having treatment to try and manage the trauma and attachment issues but it’s immensely hard. I’d give anything not to have the issues that I do that stem from my childhood.
I was beaten from the age of 3 because I wouldn't put up with my dad terrorising my mum. My brother watched and was treated like a prince because he never spoke out. Sometimes doing the right thing can have life long implications, but I will never regret sticking up for my mum. Im 39 and still trying to re-write my neural pathways to be a secure person. I was never a religious person but the comfort I have found in my belief system helps me feel comfortable and present. If you can find something to believe in that will help you feel hope, love and a sense of security then indulge in that. I know there are blue skies ahead and not being ashamed of who I am because ultimately i didn't choose to go through the things i did
I’m trying my best not to treat my child the way my parents treated me. It’s so hard when here and there I mirror my parents. That’s why I’ve been researching this topic. Lord help me.
I'm sorry but physical abuse is NOT the key ingredient to a disorganized attachment style. The key is irregular involvement from the parental figure. Yes, it may be physical abuse, but not necessarily. It may be neglect, it may be abandonment or the threat of abandonment, it may be just about anything that causes the child's attachment pattern to falter. There is simply no reliable strategy for the child to get their needs met. It has nothing to do with overt abuse in and of itself. That is far too simplistic.
@@kk70x7 i don’t know if that makes a difference as to my claim. Again, it’s about irregularities from the caregivers. Physical abuse is not a requirement. In fact, physical abuse ((terrible that it may be) could be applied consistently and therefore develop a more secure attachment style than one who suffers no physical abuse. I question this mans credibility for making such an ignorant statement.
I totally agree! In my childhood I was the golden child of the family and witnessed all the physical and emotional abuse being directed at my rebellious sibling. Being raised by an abusive grandiose narcissist father and an enabling mother I coped with the toxic environment by becoming exactly what they wanted me to be, against my better judgment or authentic needs. My sister however rebelled against their ways and was met with harsh criticism and aggression. I developed fearful avoidant attachment style and my sister is 100% anxious attachment - clingy, insecure, easily manipulated by emotionally immature men and yet hostile towards them.
