Deal with Bullies the RIGHT way. 

When my daughter was in primary school, there was much effort put into working with the kids so they became collaborative partners at setting the tone of behavior. One time a new student came to school and started some bullying behaviors and the kids just said, "We don't do that here". Game over.

I just keep thinking about how fortunate Chase’s kids are to be equipped with his wisdom.

This was great. Just the other day I was harassed by a woman as I sat in my car before an appointment. My response to her was, "I don't know what makes you feel so unhappy but I'm sorry for you."

I’m 65 and still work part time.I come in contact with bullies .Glad I discovered The behavior panel .

I was bullies in school. I was told to ignore them because they wanted me to react. That didn’t work. They kept it up even more. Finally, after several incidents the bully followed me off the bus, they didn’t get off at their stop which was before mine, and followed me to my door pushing and shoving me the whole way. I got to the door and stopped. Thinking they were going to follow me inside I decided this was going to stop now! Threw my books down and blindly threw the best left hook she never expected! She never bothered me again. Even her “friends” who came to support her and intimidate me decided I was not to be reckoned with! Word got out and I was never bothered again. Sometimes you need to take a stand and defend yourself. Most of the bulling I received, I feel, was out of jealousy. Those bullies with narcissistic behaviors might do well with the techniques you described. Especially those that seem to be nice and yet throw nasty comments as though they were compliments. Word salad might help a lot in these situations.

As a former teacher, this video should be used in every school for educators, parents and students.

I understand where he's coming from, but it's hard to imagine a child saying these things to stop a bully.

I tried one of the techniques as a kid, well i asked the guy why he was bullying me, because I didnt think he was evil. And i thought initially he would laugh at my stupid naivety, but he said "why are you nice to me? Like i literally treat you like garbage" I said because i think youre a nice person overall, just have to act tough in front of others I guess.. and he apologised for being an asshole, we even developed friendship slowly after that, which was so surprising to me because I thought he would go back to bullying when other boys were around

I've made this comment elsewhere but I'll repeat it here - A lot of these responses would be super cringey coming from a classmate or a colleague. Fine for a parent or a counselor to say, not so much for regular social situations between two people of equal footing. The way to deal with bullies is anything to the effect of, "I'm not having it." Not being wounded, not retaliating or trying to get even, not "going deep" like some of the ideas Hughes suggests here, and certainly not empathizing. Emotionally connecting with someone who's being a jerk to you only rewards that behavior with more opportunities to get pushed around. The exception, I suppose, would be if the bully is genuinely a friend of yours and their bullying is out of character. With a regular bully you set the boundary quickly, firmly, and fairly. That advice was actually given to me by a bully. I've found it almost always works.

Bullies in the workplace are HUGE. A video on how to deal with that specifically would be great. Bully colleagues and bully bosses. I hear about it so often. Thank-you for this video.

I did an evil thing when I was a kid. I was raised JW, and as such I was hounded, bullied, excluded and picked on by kids and teachers alike. When i was in secondary school, a group of girls dared me to pick on a tall, awkward looking redhead. They even told me what to do and say. They told me to tug her hair, ask if it were a wig etc. I walked over and did it. The girl stood there with her head down the whole time, it was only about ten second but she must have felt terrible. I turned back to receive my praise and acceptance from the group, and the girls had gone. I did it for acceptance. It failed, leaving me guilty and sad. It's a very strong memory and I've made an effort to be as kind as I can be since then, but it reminds me why people do awful things.

Dear all…I hope you find this encouraging. I once bought a bouquet of flowers for a bully female boss. She made everyone miserable. When I gave her the flowers 💐 I said I bought these to cheer you up because I sense you are feeling upset about something The staff were in awe and the gesture melted the woman’s anger

Love Chase. ❤️ I could listen to his voice all night. And I get the feeling he truly uses his talents to help people better understand each other.

I love how he's addressing that bullies don't grow out of being bullies. I have AuDHD and Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and I get bullied a lot as an adult. One of my favorite responses is "What is it you hope to gain by saying/doing this/behaving this way?"

I honestly don't wish to have dialogue with bullies. Especially when it's happening... I'm an extreme introvert and when I got bullied all I wanted was for the earth to open and swallow me in. My mind would shut down and I most certainly didn't think what sentence can I use to disarm them... Days later I'll play out these situations of what I should have done.

I went through 2 years of being bullied in high school, the fact is there’s nothing to say to a bully to get them to leave you alone I tried many times the only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to them because the last thing a bully wants is to be drawn into a fight they want to be the dominant one the one in control. Talking does nothing telling others does nothing you have to find that confidence and take a stand against them I did and the guy never bothered me again.

Chase, you’re a total class act❤️ I’m reminded of what my father has told me countless times- There are 3 roads in life you can take-the high road, the same road, or the low road. You’ll never regret taking the high road.💯❤️

I’m so glad this is available on RU-vid. It’s an important topic. Your advice is invaluable!

This is a wake up call to a reactionary response and instead responding to a calm sensitive response. Excellent example for children to learn in using long term tactics that can turn a bully into a life long friend and also help them in reforming their view of themselves.

"Am I the first person you have had this type of interaction today?" DANG... Chase, you are just really decent. I hope you know that. Always the gentleman.

Any other grown ups here watching for tips for themselves? (Work situation, so am physically safe 🙏🏼) Thank you Chase, beautifully done.

Thank you, Chase. I was so bullied in school, I still have nightmares about it 45 years later -- something most of my Aspie friends also experienced and still feel the ramifications. I really do appreciate you passing this on; it is invaluable.

I worked as a surgical tech in a small hospital. I was under a woman whose name was Joyce. Upon our first meeting, it was her standard to "explain", that she was "a really big deal" in that hospital, as she would stare deeply unsettling (with her icy blue eyes). Joyce was the Coordinator of Neuro. I was shaken, not stirred.

Some of the worst bullying I ever received in school was from teachers. I am left handed and was made to feel as if I had a learning disability in the 60's. They even resorted to corporal punishment on a daily basis. I would like to hear your thoughts on teachers bullying grade school children. My grandchildren are subjected to it in kindergarten and 1st grade. I have been told and Grandma is coming home!

Thank you Chase, a brilliant video 🙏. When the mother is a bully, it is devastating to the child. You grow up without boundaries, always put your needs after everyone elses, are unable to regulate emotions, unable to deal with conflict and never feel good enough to be treated decently.

I had someone walk past looking over as I was leaving my home for work one day, and I felt really uncomfortable that he saw me leave the house. That was my own paranoia, but it led to him turning around and asking what the hell I was looking at. He clearly sensed my judgement very sensitively. I shrugged, it wasn't enough and he rounded on me ready to fight. He was coming straight for me and I could read that he was serious. Twenty years working on the street, I know when shit is about to get real. I don't know where it came from, but I suddenly said to him "I can see you're not happy. That's not my fault, and I'm sorry, and if I've made things worse by looking at you the wrong way or whatever, I apologize. He continued towards me, and at the last second put his hand out to shake. It was a genuine handshake. It lasted, it was firm and no words were said. Then he went on his way. He was a very young man, 19 to early 20s. I had surprise tears in my eyes as he left. I think he possibly did too. It was powerful.

I was bullied at various ages. My freshman yr in college was such a time. 2 people really had it out for me. They didn't like that I was hanging around one of their friends a lot & they started calling me, "shadow" as in "Susan's shadow." They were relentless. I was seeing a therapist at the time & she gave me the best advice. She told me to take whatever they were saying, and turn it around and use it for a comedic effect. She suggested I start singing, "Me & My Shadow" every time they called me that name. So I did just that. Stood up, went into a big song and dance and had fun with it. The bullies were surprised, but didn't stop yet. It took exactly 3 different times/places until they finally stopped. I was going to do that silly song & dance every time they name called & they finally figured that out. That's all it took. That changed my life and taught me how to deal with bullies. HUMOR. Raw, razor sharp, witty, no shame, humor!

You hit the nail right on the head with some of the descriptions. The reality is that a bully built on insecurity and the bully is projecting those insecurities onto others. People who are secure and comfortable with themselves won't feel it's necessary to act out, towards others.

All of your responses are valid but if your child is shy, they just look down and feel defeated. It’s heartbreaking 💔 for the parents and the child.

You really are the perfect man. I wish as a little girl my father had this wisdom instead of telling me to just tackle the biggest bully in the group, which was effective enough but in those days we didn't run the risk of being shot or stabbed the following day.

I used to tell my children: No one looks big when they make others look small

About 15 years ago I worked with developmentally disabled people. One day I had a wheelchair individual on the public transportation. One lady was getting very angry because we were taking extra time to get my clients wheelchair in and lock down. When we got off the bus she started to verbally attack my client. I turned to the woman and said somebody hurt you to make you want to take your anger out on somebody like this. An individual that cannot defend themselves easy target. I was nothing but kind to this woman. The woman sat down at the bus stop and I sat next to her and talk to her for probably 2 or 3 minutes but de-escalation accomplished. When you show concern for that individual and you understand something about that individual that stranger and you talk to them about it it changes the situation immediately. Usually. everything is uncleenched. I was also bullied by my family. I was the youngest and they were and are all narcissists.I have not seen them in over 30 years and I have never missed them once. Of course I think about him but good riddance I stopped seeing them when I was 35 years old. That means I'm really old tan Daddy I could be your mom. I even feel creepy calling you tan Daddy. LOL

One thing you didnt touch on, that I feel is at the core, is predator/ prey dynamics. Bullies prey on those they perceive to be weaker. Exhibit strength and they will usually scurry right away.

I had a friend I met in Kindergarten. Then we had 6th grade together and became best friends. Then in 9th grade she began bullying me. She was spreading lies about me, writing bad things about me in the bathroom, spitting gum in my hair in class and basically made my last semester of 9th grade pure hell. Then we moved onto High School and had another class together. She seemed fine. I asked her WHY she treated me that way. She told me her Brother was molesting her at the time, and apologized. We became best friends, remained friends and are now in our 60's. So, yeah, home life can DEFINITELY cause someone to become a bully if they are suffering in silence. Thanks for your video Chase.

If you ever have been bullied for years . But then you moved to another city but it happened there too. Like you are some kind of magnets that make all these bullies come to you. I can tell you why this happened. They can tell. They can tell you are an easy prey, your body language screams. Stop looking at the ground when you are outside walking. Hold your head high, and walk with confidence. Speak loud and clear, don't mumble. If comments are coming your way, answer with confidence, not in an aggressive way, cos it might escalate from there. For me, the bullying stopped once I started doing this. As a kid I though, if I am nice then other will be nice to me. But it don't work like that. Because people are people. They won't change for you, so adapt to whoever you are dealing with.

My 53 year old boss has been a bully and he is just getting worse. This really explains where it comes from.

If a child knows how to articulate these phrases in a stressful or embarrassing situation, I don't think he needs them. The bullies attack the weak ones, or weird ones, or those with disabilities, etc. Others around - the normal ones - are the ones who can do something about it, the victims often can't, they simply need to learn to live with it. I am saying it from my experience; I was bullied through all my childhood, and always hoped someone around the bullies would stop them, sometimes it happened, sometimes no one cared, and so on. No matter how I behaved or what I talked (often nothing at all), bullies didn't stop; but I was gifted with a big body and strength, and later in school they didn't dare to bully me, but others weren't so lucky.

Beautiful. Wouldn't it be awesome for there to be an army of teachers, parents and instructors, empowering children with this message. You make such a great difference in this world Chase. Blessings in all you do❤

Have you ever dealt with a bully? Don't you know that they just laugh at you and get meaner. I was bullied throughout jr. high school and believe me, they don't really care what you say.

Thanks so much Chase. Hello from this American in France 🇨🇵. I was bullied all 3 years of junior high, in the early 80s, after moving to a new school: I was a nerd, big-time bookworm, no make-up like the other girls, not interested in soap operas ( 🤣true), braces, no talent for doing my hair!! I never told my mother... i decided to "end it all" if I had to go to high school with the bullies; luckily I got away (boarding school, really blossomed). But it still affects me today, decades later, after more than 2 decades of therapy ! 🙄 Now my 13 year-old was bullied over a year ago, at school; as a "deeply-feeling person" it was like being shot in the chest for him. Developed "school phobia", absent for 6 months; but! He has just gone back last week, to à new school ! Full-time! He has no friends, so I am SO proud of him, fighting to overcome the fear! I am going to show him this later today - THANKS A MILLION ! Thanks for reading this; best wishes to all of you, courage to all of us who do our best to turn this trauma around !

I was a victim of incessant bullying as a kid and the damage it did to me was enormous. I wish I had had these skills at that age to deal with the bullies. Thank you so much for this video.

I was bullied from 3rd grade through high school and into the workplace. By both genders. Being an empathetic, kind person has been the reason. People think you’re weak. I would never wish to be a different person though. This world is so dark.

I think you're correct on most of this, however one must also know that ALL bullies are narcissists and all narcissists are bullies. This means that being bullied is a "you" problem and never a "them" problem. You cannot make them own any responsibility for bad behavior. They cannot take it.

A person may never forget being bullied, the fear, shame or feeling devalued. I believe this can affect a person moving forward.

At least now I know I reacted correctly as a child when I was bullied. Seams I had it in me, those right answers. Sadly it never stoppt them.

I always say "whoa, come here and just ask for a hug, it's easy"

I still remember in 2nd grade the pleasant surprise I got when I realized that yelling at the 4th grader berating me made her stop in her tracks (I do think she was going to hit me before I started yelling at her). Then a teacher approached and gave her and her friends a dressing down for picking on smaller children. That was a really nice teacher who was always watching out for the littler ones. As I grew older I got more socially conscious and I don’t think I would’ve yelled at a bully again. I was only a little chihuahua that time. I love what you are saying, but it’s very hard to be cerebral in bullying circumstances, especially when they get physical. What I think we need to do is do away with the “snitching is bad” mentality. School children shouldn’t have to navigate physical and psychological violence by themselves. Teachers and school staff are there for a reason. We need to teach our kids to speak up about their own and other kids bullying. Then a teacher, with their pedagogical and psychological training, should have the who hurt you conversation with the bully. As they grow older kids can learn to manage their issues and insecurities not through trauma from bullying, but through the example of adults dealing with it the right way.

Thank you for this! Having the name Karen has been a nightmare. Being able to stand up to people and this situation is so monumental!

I’m super-interested in a non-violent solution to bullies…can’t wait to see it.

I visualise a big cape or blanket. In my mind I wrap it around myself to protect my inner self until I can think of a calm response to a bully. I also visualise the bully as being a tiny scared child.

When my family immigrated to this country, I was three and a half years old. I did not speak one word of English. Hoping to be able to return to their home, my parents put me in a little daycare/preschool so that I would learn English. There was a little girl there that was your classic bully. She would pinch me, push me down on the playground, hit me. I wasn’t so much afraid as I was very, very annoyed. But I didn’t know enough English to be able to say anything to the adults. And I wasn’t afraid enough to say anything to my parents. One day I took my teddy bear to school, he was the only thing that I had been to bring with me when we moved. As I was playing with my teddy bear, this girl came and ripped him out of my hands and plucked one of his eyes out. something snapped and I lit into this girl. I don’t recall the first part of the fight, but I do recall dragging her by her hair out of the sandbox where we had been playing. The MOST AMAZING thing happened. Not only did she no longer bully me, she wanted to be my friend. Instead of trying to take my cookie, she offered me a piece of hers! I was dumbfounded and astonished! But I learned a valuable lesson. A few years later, when I was about six years old, we moved to a new neighborhood. My friend next-door warned me about a family that lived across the street and down a couple of houses. She said the boys there were bullies. This will age me a little, but when I was rollerskating in our driveway wearing those metal rollerskates that clamp onto your shoes, sure enough one of those boys came over. He was about 10 years old and I knew from his body posture he was coming over for no good. I hopped onto the grass so that I would have more traction and waited . Sure enough he went to hit me, and with all of my six year old strength, I kicked him in the shin with the front edge of those metal roller skates. He got another hit and knocked me down, and then he left. He NEVER came over to our house again. Lesson learned, stand up to a bully, and even if you lose the fight, they will not come back. For whatever reason, many of which Chase pointed out, bullies want to feel powerful by making others afraid. If they realize that you’re not afraid and are willing to fight back, they just leave you alone without bothering you at all because they cannot risk losing face. All the examples that Chase gave are great when one is an adult but utterly useless when one is 3 or 6 years old.

I don't know about anyone else, but would be interesting to hear about bullying in adults. I have had my fare share I have to admit. Thanks chase, I love ur work so much! 🥰

I want you to know how much of an impact you are making on my life. I happen to be a single mom who is on a journey of healing a lot of childhood trauma turned homelessness and addiction and continuing the cycle of violence by my mom, in a relationship with a significant other. I ended up getting pregnant, going to rehab, getting clean, and having my daughter. I’ve been in therapy for more years of my life than not, but I was always going into it trying to fix myself more, unaware that I was trying to fix the wrong things, and that maybe the reasons why my sisters and I are so mentally unwell could stem from our attachments and relationships with our parents and what we internalized from them. I’ll save you the boring details, but I came to this realization around the time I found you and the behavioral panel. I have been chipping away at ANYTHING I can get my hands on from you guys, especially you and mark. I’ve never gone to college, but I’m working up the courage to go as a 30-year old for the first time. Your knowledge has put a fire in me that I forgot existed under a thick layer of depression. The drive to understand people, from inside out, is a powerful one. I have used things I learned from you to communicate with my child’s father (clinically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder), to be aware of his baseline and any deviations. I’m still not sure exactly what I want to be when I “grow up”, but I’ve gained a sense of direction. And for someone who has felt like they’ve been directionless their whole life, and has felt increased pressure to pick a direction, finding this has been incredibly important and life altering. I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am for you sharing a lifetime of absolutely incredible and groundbreaking science with the world, FOR FREE, to serve the greater good. I will continue listening to and applying the info you teach, as well as hopefully some formal education, in hopes that one day maybe I’ll be right up there in the big leagues with you.

I wish I had known your insights into bullies when I was a child. Back then, I was convinced that the bullies in my life were all that powerful and justified in their behaviour towards me.

At 4 or 5 years old, I don’t see these response’s being said or received. My bullies started on me in kindergarten and were relentless until graduation from high school. I was free at last from the little witch and her flying monkeys. You have to remember people start GANGING UP as soon as a leader walks out of the mist. Even 6 year olds.

In my experience “You don’t want to do this with me” works almost every time. 1. It’s very short. 2. It makes them wonder what you mean. 3. It gives you a second to evaluate how much of a threat the person is by their reaction. 4. Even a small timid person can say it and make someone take a second to really look at them. 5. If the bully has been a victim, it turns things enough equalize things. You need time to figure out the bully and any micro expressions might give you clues as to what to do next. Split seconds to decide if you can deescalate the situation or if you need to fight for your life or run.

Thank you so much for this, Chase. There's so much bullying by leaders in the corp world.

Great advice for kids. My ex boss displayed most of all these bullying qualities...I stuck it out for 16 years thinking there was something wrong with me...finally after watching some videos about narcissists and bullying, I finally realised it wasn't me it was them!!! Light bulb moment! I left that job pronto and now work as a cleaner in a school. It's great because I work alone, No one else is there so early in the morning and I am going home when everyone else is arriving. No more bullying. I still see this person everyday as she works in the same builing as me but she holds no power over me and I am able to dismiss anything they try to say to me...and belive me she still tries!!

Very wise to teach our youths/kids to stand up toghether against bullying. Always adress the action not attack the person. That give the bully dignety and a chanse to be good.

Chase thank you so much! Hey I’m 61 and dealing with a 62 year old bully. I can apply many of your recommendations to my situation. I think it’s more important than ever to teach kids the strategies to deal with this because from my experience once a bully always a bully. That’s why I am experiencing it now. Thank you so so much!!!!

I was bullied at school, bullied at home, bullied at work. And finally, I am now bullied by my adult daughter! I know you mean well, Chase, but I can see none of those one-liners working in any of my bullying experiences over time. I'm nearly 60 now, and the result of so much bullying all my life is that I've become a recluse. I do my best to avoid people because invariably they turn out to be bullies.

I don't think bullies are conscious of why they are the way they are - at least not all the time. I'm 46 - I am an empath, 5'6" and 130 lbs wet. I was viciously bullied in middle school, as you can imagine. I was also a trained fighter and never fought back - until one day, years later, I finally did. To this day, I am friends with that bully. The only way to stop a bully is to beat a bully. While there is a LOT of value here for adults, including for adults looking to help their kids with the bully at school and not just their boss at work, it is my belief the only way to stop a bully is to fight them and beat them at their own game. That does not mean you have to have the same end goal as the bully, but rather, you should have the tools and ability to be better at the bully's game, without doing the same harm the bully would be willing to do. For me, I had tried everything else, and nothing worked. When I did finally fight back, I did not have to hurt him bc I was trained enough to control the fight and I basically just embarrassed him. Both of us were changed people after I finally stood up for myself. My bully was in a family of 3 other brothers and four sisters, and he was the second youngest with 6 older siblings and a cop as a father - you can do the math there... On a side note, people need to stop caring what other people think about them. It's extremely liberating.

This works. I inadvertently tried one of these, based on empathy, I ended up friends with the school bully and got them to stop doing it to everyone else. It's true, bullies are as messed up as the rest of us...

Many of these suggested responses could easily escalate the situation because they are confrontational. My advice is to calm things down with empathy not confrontation. Perhaps a simple "Are you OK?" if you feel like you could handle the situation. No response is much safer. Simply walk away.

Great video, Chase! I’ve been thinking a lot about bullies lately. My apartment manager is a horrible bully and it’s really been affecting my life. I’ve even been having chest pains daily because of the stress (and anger) it’s been causing me, and I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. I tried to find an attorney for help, but it would be too expensive, so there’s unfortunately been no recourse for his behavior (and his breaking the law), so I’ve been on my own in either trying to deal with him or avoid him, but either way, he’s really gotten to me and I find myself stewing at all hours about things he’s said or done to me, which is obviously not healthy for me and probably what he wants. Thinking about why he is the way he is, though, through the lens you presented here is already helping me to feel in a better headspace. Ps- I really admire the thoughtfulness with which you prepare and present all of your wonderful information.

A girl tried to bully me for 5 years at high school by saying nasty things. I would stand my ground and just stare her in the eyes saying nothing. She would try to rope others in but they weren’t interested. Eventually she gave up.

I was bullied in grade school. I still remember the moment I figured out how to deal with them. I figured out that if I remained very calm, and didn't react, they would just get more frustrated that they couldn't get a rise out of me, and eventually give up. I provided them no fuel for their fire, no satisfaction. The bullying stopped.

Fantastic advice Chase, thank you! Hopefully folks will take it to heart and pass it on to their children and grandchildren.

Thank you so much, Mr Hughes! long time fan of Behaviour Panel and everyone on it. The world would be such a better place if everybody were just a tad nicer to everyone and agreed upon never ever attacking each other, verbally, physically, jokingly... Thank you so much for educating us on being better persons to each other!

I probably was wrong but I told my daughter, when she first started high school (a different time), if anyone tried to intimidate or bully her, she was to hit them as hard as she possibly could, and nobody would bother her again the whole time she was in school. Now she would probably go to jail but back then it would have ended any problem for years to come.

I just saw this video last week. This past weekend I found out I’m going to be working with an adult bully this summer at a non-profit event. I’m coming back to watch this again to get more take away to help me prepare for this. This person tends to leave me feeling triggered with their brutal negativity. Thank you so much Chase for making this! I’m taking this with your video to my counselor to help me prepare myself.

We practiced finding phrases which would throw them off guard, like, “you must really like me a lot to go out of your way to pay so much attention to me.” TBH, the I’ll bet this is the place where…would go over their head. Yes. We practiced DEFLECTING from the bullying, not someone winning or losing, because no one wins. This was a really great video. And very constructive.

For one who has bullied & been bullied by others, I found this to be an invaluable lesson learnt. If I knew then what I leant just now, could have possibly changed a few mindsets- including my own, & made a difference. I will stop and think to put these in place in the future. Thanks for the heads up, you ROCK, my friend 👊

Chase, your advice in this video was really helpful to me when dealing with a problematic neighbor. I sent him a text with phrases like, “you don’t seem like the kind of person who wants to…” and “there is still time for you to….” and “I imagine that you would rather spend your hard-earned money on …..”. I got some positive results with this approach! Thank you so much!

Years ago, we went out after work to celebrate my husband's new job. There was a big group of us. For some reason, a huge steroid guy decided he wanted to fight my husband. Our two friends, who were two huge guys themselves, were always near us, to head off any issues. We were all having a great time, and we didn't want trouble. At one point, Steroid Guy came up very close to hubby and me, and told us he wanted to fight the Mister, and to go outside. I have no idea where this came from, but I gave him a big smile, told him we should just kiss and make up. Then I gave him a big hug and a kiss on each cheek, and said we're all good now. The look of shock on his face was priceless. He left soon after that. One of our friends went onto another bar, and Steroid Guy was there, picking on another regular sized guy. I don't know if that guy was able to diffuse, but at least we stopped escalation with our group.

I always hear from people that my son will be bullied when he's older because he didn't get bullied in school because he's home schooled and hasn't been prepared by being bullied... but I dont believe one needs to be damaged by a bully to survive in the wild ... the grown up world.

Watching the UFC in Paris and been studying fighters body language. 😂😂 The mind control upload was absolutely fantastic!!!

I was always a bigger kid and athlete in high school. I often stepped in to help somebody being bullied. I soon got bullied by older kids, mostly brothers and friends of the bullies my own age. One day, one of older kids tried to charge me in the lunchroom. I jammed a fork in his gut. He started crying like a baby. We both got suspended for 3 days…. he was remembered as a cry baby. Nobody messed with me from then on, and I refrained from getting involved in any more confrontations between two other people.

Thank you chase. My granddaughter had a tough start at senior / high? School ( 11+) bullied / physically assaulted by a much bigger girl with her group of friends surrounding them gearing shoving etc and was out of school for several weeks before returning, the main culprit had been temporarily removed for her return, but still the fear and anxiety kept her from mixing, she has over the last few weeks begun to venture from solitary library time back into her classes and out into the playground, the main girl is due to return to the school this friday on a reduced time table and anxiety is high once again, I have forwarded this to her and her parents...🙏🤞🏼 I really hope it will be appreciated understood / implemented & helpful to them. Again,Thank you so much!! Truly Appreciate you!! And your work! 💞

My son is a high functioning ASD teen who's been bullied since grade 1. This is so awesome. Especially for him to hear it from you, it drives the point home even more. (Your videos as well as the Behavior Panel is very often on my TV) Thank you for all the invaluable work that you do! We love ya! 👍🏼

Having people-watched while my kids were in team sports, I noticed that a lot of kids and teens were bullies because their parents were bullies. Especially the moms. Nine times out of ten, a Mean Girl would have a mom who that little girl observed being a b!tch to other females. I guess, in this respect, it's like the "generational curse" of abusive spouses, and abusive parents. If it's observed by a child, it can be normal in that child's mind.

This is such a perfect video. I have tried to explain for years what I was feeling or why I was bullying others. 1&2 is exactly what was happening. I wanted control, and I wanted someone to feel like I was feeling. I was a bully till 8th grade. I realized i was hurting people and stopped. I choose to walk away from friends who were also bullying. I had no friends till 10th grade and was bullied cause I had no friends. And I promised myself if I ever came in contact with those I bullied I would apologize and try to make amends. I now try hard to spread smiles, peace, and happiness.

I wish all parents were aware of these , and worked to make sure none of their children were bullied- sometimes they seem unaware even in their own home.

Chase posted a video!! It’s like Christmas in September 🙌🏼🎄💛

Thank you Chase. What about a skunk? Visually animals know don't mess with the skunk or they're gonna make their day miserable so just give the skunk a wide berth and leave them alone 🤷

I recommend you and your videos to people all the time. You’re so incredibly helpful. I wasn’t able to learn these things until I spent almost 5 years working as a tech at one of the biggest psych hospitals in America (until they got shut down). And even then I really just learned those things by instinct/intuition, to essentially survive this job and now I think it’s because I truly was from the standpoint that I wanted everyone to be okay. That’s where I learned hurt people, hurt people. And I always had a special pity for the ones that leashed out the most because they always had the heaviest charts because of the pages on pages of history. But even with that experience I learned things in this video about myself and better ways to handle other’s that will make me a better, more mindful person moving forward. And I now can teach my baby boy these things as he grows into the wonderful man I know he’ll be.

Bless you & thank you, Chase!!!🙏🏻💜🕊

This was absolutely phenomenal and my son will love it! Thank you so much! ❤🙌

Beautifully done! As a former teacher and a mom of four (three adopted), this resonates on so many levels. As a fellow human, it’s also a reminder to me that the qualities I detest the most in others are the same qualities I hate the most in myself as well.

Thank you . I love that u have compassion not only for the victims but also for the perpetrators who as you point out are actually victims too…not that u said exactly that. I’ve been heard to say many many times that there are two things I can’t stand in humans-liars, & bullies. Usually I then add the third quality I hate observing in action, arrogance. Intellectually & spiritually I know that only good conquers evil, only love conquers hate …but it’s hard to remember those things when I hear lies that intend to hurt, or witness a person bullying another. You tube has more than it’s share of bullies, so it’s a real good medicine to hear someone speaking wisdom & compassion , teaching useful information. More power to you, with which to shift the balance in this world …

I sure wish I had this video when my son was going to school. He was extremely bright but also extremely immature. He suffered from bullying for decades. Thanks for posting this!

This applies to many situations from my past as well as situations with current neighbors and a sibling. I’ve been managing my mh by avoiding interactions with those people. I’m having a hard time believing that if I say one of these things that it will make a difference. I’m not Chase Hughes. I’m an anxious little woman. I’ll note down your categories and scripts. I foresee being at a loss at the next step. I do appreciate your addressing bullying , though. It’s a tough topic when you’re a teacher and your ideas provide a framework to start making the bully and the bullee’s lives better

These are great examples of assertive communication, I do wonder how useful they are to someone who is scared and is physically weaker than the other party? It feels like this would be the end point in learning to deal with bullies rather than the first step.

This is so important to know. I look back and now have a better understanding of experiences with bullies over the span of my life. Thanks Chase!!

I just sent this to three of my adult friends who were bullied in some way when they were children: at home, in school, sports etc and i also had to deal with bullies. It really is such a great learning tool to understand the bully. Empathetic responses is how i try to roll.

Hey Chase, thank you for the video! Do you have an opinion of which category narcissists fall into?

Sounds great, just not sure kids and even some bosses will be able to process the call out; they'll lash out in frustration or retaliation.

This is so helpful Chase. I am a big fan of the behaviour panel...have made comments about how awsome you all are. I subscribed to your chanel and listening to this, and im only half way through, is helping me understand the chronic bullying and pretty much verbal abuse I received when I was working in South Australia outback....miles from anywhere in hospitality. The bosses were such bullies... I couldnt understand it until watching this section you have done. I would arrive in the morning with a bit of makeup and a happy spirit...im quite a sociable gregarious person, but would greet them with a friendly good morning and it got so bad that they would not even acknowledge my good morning...they would look the other way. Then it got worse, no one who worked there permanently would even speak to me at all! Then story telling about me which of course came back to me. I was so upset, shocked, anxious and devastated and began to doubt myself wondering 'whats wrong with me! Anyway I obviously moved back to Adelaide for some sanity, but it really effected my confidence. Thank you so much for this I am healed now and studying a degree in social work so human behaviour is all part of it, but I thank you for this ..very insightful

Thank you for including adults in this- growing up you feel like school issues will one day be in the past, and then eventually the penny drops the same things go on in the working world. I wish someone had told me as a child that no one ever really grows up! How refreshing to have some kind/fair mindful manoeuvres and ways of thinking. Thank you.

Chase, thanks for another informative video! I have a request for another video if your up to it. My wife and I are trying to teach our daughter (we adopted our granddaughter) how to spot and avoid grooming by potential child predators. How to spot “recruiting/ grooming ” attempts amongst other students and adults. This happened to my wife at age 10! She was groomed by her “best friend “ for her father in school and was “rented out” all while going to school and living at home until her mother finally caught on and put a stop to it. We all know there are a lot of predators online so we don’t let her have social media which she hates but we just want to keep her safe. I just thought it may be helpful to have a good quality video to guide us and others to help in this problem. Thanks for your time. Loving the channel!