Did I Ruin My Chances of Getting My Ex Back? 

Coach you are in the top coaches on youtube...You are a major help to our society.

Havent gotten a decent sleep because of our recent break up. Your videos give me sense of relief and keep me sane. Thanks a lot for ur videos

2:32 she finally called during your video

Ty so much coach. After my separation, I was lost and confused. I did exactly everything mentioned after being left by my wife of 20 years. You helped me to process and understand my response and feelings. You also helped me know how to get stronger and fight back! I’m so grateful! You’re are a extraordinary gift from God. Update 2/3/2020: I made adjustments from no contact to soft contact due to the facts of our arrangement. My wife and I live together with 4 children. Our disconnection has been an on going issue for the last 3 months of misery. We’ve gone from doubtful, to uncertain, till today. We agreed to work on our differences to reconcile our marriage! I took your advise. I focused on me. I’m upgraded in every way and have become more attractive and confident. I quit chasing her and became the star in my own movie. And at the end of all that I was willing to let her go. All the while treating her with unconditional love. We’re not out of the fire yet. We have much work ahead to do, but it’s a start. Thank you for all your help and providing so much hope! I’ll keep you updated.

You're the best coach on youtube.

I did all of that begging and pleading. The breakup made no sense at all. The week before we were so loving he told me multiple times how much he loved me, paid to do my hair, meet my parents, and wanted to plan to spend more family time with his 20 year old son and my 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son. I introduced something into the relationship that before we tried it I thought I was 99% in to it, and now I don’t want it I can’t convince him. God I miss and love him so much sometimes it’s hard to even breathe!!! 💔💔💔

With the exception of the importance and “why” you must be in “No Contact”, this his best video. So appreciative of what he has to say...

Love this guy every person that's been in a breakup and are going through the worst pain imaginable your not alone everyone hear is hear for you if I can help at least one person or be there for someone then everything has not been in vain

Thanks! Other coaches haven’t given me this kind of encouragement. It’s reducing my self loathing and anxiety.

Thanks Coach Lee, I’m from Taiwan. you are the best coach I got on RU-vid. I shared your video with my Taiwanese friends. They love it.

Im currently in no contact its really tough. Ive watched all your videos, and they really helped and given me a new perspective. So massive thank you coach. To anyone going through this, please dont despair, chin up and listen to the coachs advice. If the end result isnt what you want, life goes on and you WILL find someone else who shares the same experiences and values as you. All is not lost.

Thank you, this really helped me. I've made some mistakes with begging and reacting poorly to the breakup but I've realized I haven't made too many critical mistakes, I've done everything I can do in the healing process and I just hope she's noticing

Thank you so much, your videos are keeping me sane and away. On the first three days I did make the mistake of writing via WhatsApp. Today will be the first day of No Contact including social media. I am not posting or liking anything.

Thank you so much for helping me through my toughest time without my beloved one. You, sir, are a hero.

Big Thanks to you Coach Lee. I'm going through a ruff time right now. My girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, after we even had plans to get married this year. it was somehow my fault cause i hide something from her which i messed up way before i met her and she felt betrayed. I hope after all i can get her back by following everything i'm learning from your videos. Listening to them are really helping to go the right way. So Thank you.

Same, you have kept me sane. My story is different. I had relationship for 6 years. Sadly I was the one who broke the relationship, and reappeared 2 years later. We slept together recently 4 months ago, but we left it as friends with benefits. The painful part is that she was going out with someone else. I started to get jealous and telling her to stop dating him because I loved her. She told me that she wanted to give herself a chance with this dude but she couldn't because I was stocked in her head and she still had solid feelings for me. But my jealousy pushed her away by begging and pleading her, but I've never disrespected her cause I still love her very much. She said that now there no chance in getting back, but she still not official with the guy. It hurts, she says I only grab feelings when I'm about to lose her, but honestly, it's a legit feeling, I do love her. But she already warned me that she doesn't want to see me or talk to me ever again in her life. I said that's fine. So I'm going to try this NC thing very knew to it. But all I want is her and never again in my life, let her go and go through these feelings of wanting to literally grab my heart and stick it out so I could feel better.

Great video! Truth...if trying to show change, show strength and resolve with no contact.

Pray. Pray a lot for strength to overcome the pain brought by the breakup. It helps a lot.🙏

This is my video!!!! Thank you Coach Lee

Watched so many vids now I really miss her, I hope she will realise in time as come back but I’m learning a lot and how to do things the correct way! Thank you.

This is the best Coach Lee video.

Just want to say thank you for the advice on the clean slate message, my ex immediately responded in a very positive way and now I have hope it will down the road. Thanks again!!!

im not english native speaker but i.understand all clearly ,one of the best , simple and direct

Watching these gives me the motivation to not break down, my ex broke up because we fought about things every few months, we would bounce back every time but I guess she just got tired. A week after the breakup she was still contacting me, all I wanted was to know why and started those exact arguments that caused all this. I realised right after how much I messed up but in those feelings you just get lost so much. I've been in no contact for a bit more than a month now, realised we were still indirectly talking in group chats we both avidly used and left those too 2 weeks ago. Let's hope this works

Thank you coach Lee. I'll be stronger on Nc this time and won't mess up. Have a good one 😁

Oh thank God I did the clean slate message right the first time 🤞🤞 that she wasn't too upset on how I lashed out on text through a huge emotional build up of being friend zoned for 2-3days after the break up. But at the end it's okay things happen for a reason and I wish not only myself but her the best even though she left me.

Always great videos! Almost to the point of putting a like before I listen. Very good points on pattern interruption.

Hi Coach Lee I love your videos. I hope I didn't ruin it completely. My ex and I had a really bad drunk night a month ago resulting in a break up. I did everything wrong after the break up. Beg, plead, call etc. When I went a few days of not saying anything she texted a few times first. But then it went back to her being angry. When I would run into her at the gym I was especially needy. Ugh I feel like a piece if shit because I dumped all my emotions on her and even cried. This was someone that had intentions of marrying me and getting a house with me. All down the drain due to a bad drunk night. I stopped drinking since the breakup and she decided to hangout with me last tuesday. But it was only if I promised to not be blowing her up with huge texts anymore. After hanging out I of course texted the next day trying to get her to come over friday for dinner and watch a movie. I definitely appeared desperate because I ended up calling her later that day because she didnt answer(I'm dumb). She was back to furious mode again saying why would I hangout with my ex that ripped my heart out, spit on it, etc. She is so angry over the mean things i said that drunk night. And finally even said she hates me. It sucked because she even said there was a point she was maybe considering getting back but now I put nail in coffin. With my pestering I assume? I cried a little on the phone like an idiot and said I would not contact her again. I've been in no contact since wednesday(8 days). Longest I've gone since the breakup january 25th. My ex doesnt really have any friends or a huge support system. The funny thing is I am the one that has so much support, friends, and never had a problem getting a girl. Yet I am so miserable and desperate. I'm staying in no contact and hope it is not too late for her to have a change of heart and hope she reaches out.

Love your videos because it's good to get the perspective from a classic kind of guy

This was Just wat i Neede d thanx Lee you r great

my question is how can i stay positive? being on a rollercoaster

Time will tell tho be the best that you can be ON YOUR OWN !!

I just wanted to say thank you for this content I am handling this a whole hell of a lot better than I thought I would but it was something that I knew was coming. We both came to the same conclusion that the relationship was not fair to me because she was not making me any type of priority and yes it hurt to break up but it was weird because most of the time people say stuff like well it doesn't mean this is forever and things of that nature and a lot of times they say that stuff just to make themselves feel better about breaking up with you but it was said so many times I actually believe her that there's just so much on her plate that relationship is just not there but I'm also doing the things that I know I need to do like working on me and spending time with my boys and dedicating more time to my coaching career so I think that he'll be an excellent teacher by going through this breakup process and I'm looking forward to helping other people deal with their relationships as well people like you encourage me and I am galvanized in doing the right activities for myself and I feel that this situation will help me to be the best relationship coach I could ever be

Thanks couch I really appreciate this, I'm going through a difficult brake (10yrs with kids) and it's tough not to contact her, I'm on day 1.5 and man its rough!

thank you a lot on your videos, they are gold in this moments

Hi Coach Lee, 1 month ago i was dumped by a text message on the social media and my reaction was really extremely angry (emotionally i just couldn't react differently!!!). Since that day i am in no contact, but after i have been watching this video, i need to ask you the following questions : 1- you consider i should text right now in the middle of no contact a Clean slate message? 2- do you think is now too late 1 month after the break-up ? 3- do you consider extremely important that in any case i still have to text this Clean Slate message, no matter when and what? Thanks a lot in advance for your reply !!

My ex lives 40 miles away. I treated her like a Queen, then she dumped me, yet she’s coming to my town, to visit all the places I took her to, and posting the pics on I/G. It’s been just over 30 days into No Contact. Why is she visiting the places I used to take her to?

Coach.... I have been working on myself I am more then ready if he comes back to me. I have taken your great advice and I am feeling very proud of myself.

I’m proud to say that although I did beg and cry and show neediness at first, it calmed down and she admitted that she loves me still and doesn’t really want to leave, but feels she needs to. Nearly 2 weeks since she left and no contact and just before she left, she wanted me to be angry and shouting, probably for her sake, but I remained as calm as I could and let her go. 5 minutes after she got on the train, she texted me she loves me and that was the last I heard 2 weeks ago. Hopefully this will make some difference in our future, despite the many mistakes I made during, and after.

Coach Lee and Coach Craig Kenneth are the best! Their advice have helped me the most. Watch Craig Kenneth people, he's really good, just like Coach Lee.

Thanks man. You are really helpful!

Have I ruined my chances if we were both highly emotional from an easily fixable mistake I made that it took her 2 days to break up with me, I decided I couldn't live with myself knowing the pain I put her through and I ended up in hospital but I didn't want her to know but she found out so I reached out telling her not to blame herself

No contact is soo hard especially if u were the one who ended the relationship and she has now moved onto someone who treats her way better than i did .. i took her for granted and i regret it , i love her so much and i wish that i can get 1 last chance with her

I begged for 2 months :( I miss her so much, we were together 3 years and I didn’t see it coming, I was very good to her, changed her life for the better

I did the wrong things even after we tried to work on things she told.me she quit trying because of my doubts and negative attitude but i am working on myself and hopefully the no contact rule works i will give it atleast a year or 2 because even after what she said i still.love her dearly and i want to work this out thank you coach!

I’m currently in no contact . He has reached out to me a few times and I respond politely and accordingly . Today I was so emotionally exhausted crying and upset that I had to leave work. It’s been so hard . I love him . I’ve found Coach Lee so helpful. My ex and I had fun together , never fought , we were so happy . He told me how lucky he was to have me and I felt the same . I thought we were moving in a positive direction then the hammer falls. Our relationship wasn’t that long but I fell hard and fast . I know I’m the best girl he’s ever had so this is very confusing for me. Step by step . Love to you all

I let him go and we did have a fight which was pretty pretty bad, for all the 14+ years he had beat up on me without a sorry… I don’t want him back even though I am hurting right now… he went and found someone immediately.. a married woman!!! I rather heal and get healthy!

I acted a little bit crazy when he left me, because I insisted to forgive me and give me another chance...and he didn’t want to hear this, he Said that he can’t change the fact that i always missunderstand things that he say and Even if he forgave me for reacted angry, this will not change that i missunderstand .

you're giving me too much hope man .

How do you have no contact for a month or more when you HAVE to talk to them b/c of selling the house, having the holidays with the adult kids?

Coach, not sure if you check the comments. Just a quick question: I begged and pleaded 6 separate times over 2 weeks after the breakup (thankfully no anger or physical stalking, just texts and calls). Then I went into no contact. About 2 weeks into no contact I heard you talk about the clean slate text, so I sent it and haven't contacted her since then. Would you count the no contact period as starting when I originally did, or does the clock kind of start over after the clean slate text?

I let my emotions get the best of me when she broke up with me. I was very hurt and in disbelief, I told her that I had thought about marriage with her, but since she has commitment issues I worry I hurt my chances. Hopefully with time it won’t matter much. I did go in to no contact right after the break up.

Absolute genius

The intro and outro music always relaxes me. Can I hear the full version somewhere?

Thanks you sooooo much you make me strong💪 God bless you 😘

Lol started no contact a week ago but my ex is so stubborn and wud rather hide his feelings i seriously doubt he will come around. But im pushing through with no contact for me.

U always really give me hope... Hope it works

After dating for 3 years she broke up with me. I begged and pleaded and sent flowers and then I just told myself I needed to let go. I’ve been in NC for a little over a week. Hoping she comes back

I'm a pastor and she comes to church and wants to stay after everyone is gone to help with things, but doesn't want to kiss, hug, or anything. I did total no contact for 2 weeks. She came to my home to see me. I guess I got too excited and we hugged a long time. The first time. Now she missed church again. It's hard with the pastor aspect in there.

I keep thinking I have messed up but he is the one that pushed me away

Hahaha I sure as hell did ruin my chances... Didn't find these videos till I messed things up

I never chase her, begged, or pleaded her to come back. 10 years off and on. Now she’s in a rebound relationship with her co-worker. But she would send me memories through Snapchat of her and our child together. She gets really upset when she reaches out to me when I’m spending time with our child, she asks for pics or videos of our child. I replied to her that I’m busy. She admits that she still wants to control me, even though it’s not her job anymore. She tries, but I don’t let her. What you think Coach Lee from her actions?

Been in a long term relationship for 5 years. We were high school sweethearts. Now in university. Everything ended because he wanted someone with stronger spiritual values. Begged and pleaded with him not to end the relationship. Contacted his pastor to change his mind. Even wen to his house multiple times.

We have been doing no contact it’ll be two weeks tomorrow. We did talk a little a few days ago but it was about some drama so that was not good. This is also our second time breaking up... so I really do not think he will come back. He broke up with me the last time and broke up with me again. First time he broke up with me he said it was out of anger and took me right back. I think it’s done for good this time no matter how long I wait though. I really don’t want it to be done. We are in a long distance relationship and that just honestly kind of ruined things. We had a perfect relationship when we were together but the communication between us when we were apart failed and we both mentally abused each other. I still want him back. I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone else. He blocked me on everything and told me it’s because he doesn’t want to see my stuff. But this is so painful. I’m trying to have hope and your videos have made me feel better but I really don’t know if no contact will work this time.

I did make the mistake of posting some TikTok videos that she saw after the breakup, some of which were unflattering to her. She got really angry about them. I deleted them all right away and have been in no contact since (nearly 3 weeks now). I'm thinking now I should send that apology message like coach Lee was talking about? Or should I just stay in no contact and forget about the apology message? I'm so confused now.

I forgot and I gave him a call...he answered saying he's gonna call me back but he didn't. Is there something I should expect on this relationship still? Thank you!

Our hero 💪

Hey Coach Lee, we've been Married for 14yrs, been separated since Dec 2022. I did everything wrong, until March, I started no contract on my own with the support of my sister guiding me, started focusing on myself. Beginning of April we started strategic contract, (I started watching your video's), I currently feel calm, confident and peaceful being around him when he come to pick up his stuff or spend time with our son's and on the phone, he has giving me hugs and forehead Kisses, something we did in the past. I do miss him and sometimes have sleepless night's but I continue counseling and focusing on myself. Do you think a clean slate message is necessary at this point?

My ex broke up with me, because I didn’t like the fact that she had a male friend text her inappropriate, saying what’s up boo/love. I didn’t like that. I asked how come she allowed him to text her that way then she said that was how guys talked to her since she worked at a bar back in NY. I told that I didn’t like it so she told me that she would address it with him because I was bothered by it. A week went by I asked her if she have the talk with him, however she didn’t but told me that she would. That was during November of 2020. Fast forward to December I was sleeping in her bed woke up at 2:am to use the bathroom noticed she wasn’t in the bed, then I heard her talking to a male through the Bluetooth speaker in her car. I texted her asking her what was she doing she responded that she was talking to her male friend and, was like I thought you were sleep, then said that she was getting off the phone to come back to bed. We got into an argument later on. Fast forward to the end of December she mentioned him to me telling me about a conversation that they had and I was sick of hearing about him at that point. The very next day I gave a friend my phone number on Instagram we then texted for two days until my ex seen the texts on my phone. She got made and decided that I was wrong and ended up breaking up with me after I asked her what was more valuable to her the relationship or the friendship.

Hello Coach Lee. I did exactly as you said. I was angry of her cheating, begging etc. We didn't actually breakup. She want time to choose and I stop contact. But now I see that what she see as problems with us and I understand her. Is it wrong to let her know this or to continue with no contact till she make a final choice, which with her words, is not in our favor, because I was needy?

In all respect, clean slate messages don’t work. Your reasoning of “it gives them a new mindset of you” only happens rarely. Your best response is to just go contactless, even without an apology because they don’t need to be reminded of you and reaching out and apologizing shows that you’re not just disrespecting them more and contacting them, but also you’re weak and can’t live up to your actions and let them be

Thank u coach lee for your advice

Hey coach Lee First off I want to say I really enjoy your videos. I was in an LDR and broke up a month and a half ago, the relationship ended badly and actually left, I made the mistake few weeks into the breakup of begging, and shortly after the month I started no contact. She had been angry with me even up until last week, we were engaged for a year and a half, and together a little over two years. Is there hope that no contact can still work. Btw have been in NC for three days now and your videos have been helpful, plz let me know if the NC is still an option

I did low contact. Contacted evey week usually by mail. I didn't go crazy ex

So basically, would a clean slate message after 16 days of no contact be considered breaking no contact? Is it a good idea to do that? Or is it a better idea to just stay in no contact.

i begged and pleaded way to much i really messed up my chances please do not do what i did stay in no contact stay strong!!!!! I did not talk to her for 7 days and it was bothering her she baited me to talk to her again and i was to eager and tried way to hard and she ran again.

It's been 8 years now since we talked

What if you went straight to NC without ever sending a clean slate? I went straight into NC without a clean slate and I'm already 2 weeks in. Do I send a clean slate and start NC over again? I don't really wanna break NC

I love coach lee 😻

I'm in the middle of a heartbreaking split...ive been immature and a dick (name calling, negative behaviour etc) so I sent a 'clean slate' email earlier today, kept it short, sweet and to the point and just received a short positive/thankyou email back 👍🏻... Now back to NC 😬😬😬 thanks Lee, you are the best coach on the interwebs

Question that I'm praying someone with experience can answer. After the breakup I tried for 7 or 8 weeks to get her back. If I no contact her for months or years now is it possible she may reach out still someday? Or is the 7 or 8 weeks of trying to get her back push her away so far and damaged the situation to where she thinks she can come back whenever she wants and the no contact rule won't work now because I tried for so long after breaking up? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all in advance.

Go after being discarded and ghosted it came to me she has no chance with me,.... I tried to be her everything but she thought she could find better so keep going

Well with my situation I don’t have to worry about if it means anything if my ex liked a picture or a post I put up. Mainly because I don’t post regularly on Facebook about my life. Matter of fact, I can’t even remember when was the last time I did. My ex after the break up has unfriended me and if it ever does creep up on him about what I’m up to he’s gonna have to contact me.

After she broke up with me I called, begged, texted, pleaded, showed up at her gym It's been 3 weeks since she dumped me and I just found your videos and decided to start no contact. This morning I saw her at the gym, approached her, and she told me i was being annoying and pushy, I left right then and there and texted her an apology to let her know that I am in fact not trying to be creepy or a stalker, but I was just flustered We were dating for 5 years and she broke up with me very suddenly and ghosted me, I did not know to do no contact until now, but I will

I'm just so uncomfortable with having to treat someone I had so much intamacy with, as a complete stranger...especially if things ended well between us, i didn't want the break up but it wasn't an argument...fuckin' sucks! 😔

Would I of ruined it if I did no contact but reached out after 2 weeks? We lived together so going into no contact straight away was hard, but overall the break up was a month and I didn’t no contact for two weeks so I don’t know if I ruined it by that.

I already ruined it, I wrote him a letter after we chatted and he had asked for forgiveness and apologized and hoped if we can keep it in the past 🤦‍♀️

Oh yes! I totally played the "bitter hurt guy" after she blindsided me with the breakup. As a matter of fact, I think it was just 5 days after the breakup, I was very short, very rude to her when she reached out. Ok... with the benefits of 20/20 Hindsight, I would react differently now. Lesson learned. 2nd screw up was after 40 days no contact, she saw on Instagram I was in Bogota...she recommended a get together. What did I do? I was cool, detached, aloof...SO focused on rubbing her nose in it and all the while ignoring all the "shut up and kiss me" hints she was dropping! Anyway... got mixed results from my Birthday greetings I sent her yesterday on day 38 of the 2nd full no contact period. I was upbeat, I had just landed my plane at Tampa *she was with me every grueling step of my conversion from Military to Commercial aviation this summer* , I told her things were going great, new profession, yadda, yadda, cool Pilot guy uniform on,all that. Reaction was "Awww, how sweet and what a surprise " followed by 6 teary eyed emojis... so far so good right? Well, I shifted gears, sent her a mild but sexually charged "do you remember " text that was to be followed up by with a sweet phone call from yours truly. It also had two objectives: I wanted to elicit an emotional response, and make another meet up date (we are very long distance, she's in Colombia, I'm in Florida) 2nd, I wanted to TOTALLY f*ck with her head, and sabotage any birthday date night plans age may have had with "Rebound Boy ". Result? No response, no double blue tick marks on WhatsApp, and her profile photo has disappeared...WTF! Dud she block me? Delete me? That would be hilarious and ironic being that I deleted and blocked HER from everything when she dumped me, and she urged me 16 times (!!!) at dinner on our (botched( meet up. Anyway, I'm worried that I really did it this time. But, am powerless. So, going back to no contact. Got to let this rebound run its course. Total silence. She has to reach out to me again.

Should i ever break no contact if i believe a clean slate needs to be sent? @Coach Lee?

Isn't it strange... I just left her alone and now she sends me a txt message on my birthday and then followed by a phone call and we have been chatting for a few days. But.... will this work??? Good luck everyone.

I was in NC for 2 months. Unfortunately i broke it because a Friend of mine told me that my ex boyfriend was flirting with her before and while we were together. I didnt know what to believe so i texted him with her accound and he just did the flirting again. (We broke up in july) yeah it was after our breakup so maybe i over reacted. I didnt fight with him just told him thats me and i caught you and stuff. Then he tried to talk to me and i ignored him because i was hurt. After a week he just deleted me in Whats App and i did text him if he had blocked me. We texted a bit and now its all fine again. Now Im in NC again but... i worry that i ruined something. Sorry its a bit long... By the way your videos are really helpful. You are one of the best coaches Ive found 😊😊

When I sent him a clean slate message where I apologised on how i reacted on his rebond with anger he asked me to go check a psy Lol

I have told him I want to move on after he left me for another girl... And now he is constantly in touch with all affection... What foes that mean... He confuses me all the time the moment I try to move on he reappears and when I give attention he pulls back... We hardly had deeper talks these days

Do you have a wipe my slate clean article for the dumper?

What if they blocked you during an argument after you did no contact ?

It's my ex that ruined all chances with me. We both dumped each other. Then he went no contact, i reached to him just to give him something that he didn't pick-up. He didn't answer. For me, it was it. When he tried reaching, i never responded again. Because first of all, he hurted me in the course of our relationship and then he dared to not respond while i was just doing something nice for him even after all he did. For me it was unforgivable. My feelings faded away by the time he tried reaching, i was in a serious relationship. Now i'm married with kids and he's still strying to reach 😂 after 7 years. Our relationship could've been saved, if he treated me well after the break-up and if i saw some changes but he totally ruined it, and it's on him !

I want to use no contact but we still live together after two weeks of being broken up. How do you handle still living with your ex? We just moved to Hawaii and he says he is going to move out soon…

I guess I ruined my chances now. The thing is I do not want him back as in a romantic relationship, I wanted him as a friend friend or that he won't block me. The no contact worked and he came back and eager to start what we left off but i held back. Told him not to say I love you's to me anymore and not call me "LOVE" and to reserve them for his new girl. He blocked me again. Lol

Begging is the one thing I didn’t do after the break up, thank God. During the break up I cried and disagreed, obviously. I went into no contact right after and I’m on week 3. We dated for close to 10 months and were super close and even said I love you during the break up. I’m wondering how long I stay in no contact though.

I said a lot of mean things to my ex, left a clean slate message then went directly to no contact, i did not view her social stories, did not talk to anyone related to her, like i do not exist at all, after 15 days she finally sent me a message asking - how are you?- . no contact works!